"Four and a Half Women" -
Last time, Howie was evicted from the house (with no
regrets from Ivette), and Janelle won HOH. "It's three
against one, basically. It sucks." But Janelle knows
that Howie is proud of her for winning and making final
three fair and square. "I think all three are worried
about being nominated, and they should be." Ivette says
that the fight won't be too pretty. "You're gonna see
some claws come out." April doesn't see her bringing
Ivette into the final three.
getting horny. "Everything's about gettin' some," Maggie
says. "It's very exciting to know that you're going to
get some love in about two weeks." Good for you....
Okay, let's look at
Janelle's HOH room, stocked with chocolate and beauty...
products. And a photo from her gay best friend Nate. We
also meet Janelle's mom's boobies and her dog Cupcake.
She becomes the first person to invite all of the
houseguests to sleep with her.
... but will they
accept? They go to the backyard to mull it over. "It'll
be interesting to see what Janelle will do with the
nominations," April says.
Ivette wants to have a
baby, meanwhile. She would name her Sophia. Apparently
Janelle wants to have a little Janelle as well. Ivette
says that Janelle would be a MILF. "I want an Escalade
so I can put lots of kids in it."
Next on MILF-vision CBS:
the friendship are sleeping... in the bedroom. "It
wasn't going to work out in anyone's schedule. We also
wanted to discuss a lot of stuff that I didn't feel
comfortable talking about in front of Janelle," Maggie
says, noting that the Friendship is the longest
surviving alliance in the house (but not in history, as
two of the original Four Horsemen rode to the final last
year). Then they get all noble, wax poetic about keeping
each other around because they enjoy each other, when
all of a sudden....
"Hey, what're you guys
doin'?" From the moment Janelle arrives, it's nothing
but a slumber party thing. "It's strictly strategic. If
I am a good person in their eyes, and then one of the
friends screws them over." Ivette notices that Janelle
is actually very human. "I think she knows that she
needs out votes."
The next day, the girls
get a message from Jon Cryer, Charlie Sheen, and Angus
T. Jones (aka "Two and a Half Men"). Must be time to
reveal America's Choice. Charlie announces the
winner.... Janelle. "There's a limo waiting for you
outside." You heard him... Limo, outside, now!
Meanwhile, the Friendship are all in the Journal Room
left to muse why America would ever choose her...
thrice. Ivette: "You're gonna tell me that America
doesn't love a nurse from Las Vegas who's been dating
the same guy, a firefighter? You're gonna tell me that
America doesn't love a country girl from Texas?" April:
"And then there's you. How can you tell me that America
doesn't love you?" Easy. They just did. And April, who
said that she never hated anyone in this house.
According to this montage, you hate everybody!
Meanwhile, Janelle is in
a limo heading to the Warner Bros. backlot, which, for
some reason, you can see from the Universal Studios
backlot (trust me on this one). First person she meets
is Angus (on a scooter), but we all know that she's
really holding out for Charlie. I mean come on...
Anyway, she learns the secrets of the show and of how
they're the only show on TV with an actual working
While April notices that
Janelle's the only person that isn't actually working
right now. "Apparently, we look like big fat
Back on the set, Janelle
gets the hero's welcome from the audience warm-up dude,
which, unless you're Rich Fields, doesn't entail much.
Janelle gets the visit from Charlie and a souvenir
bowling shirt signed by the cast. From then on, we just
sit back and enjoy thirty minutes of sitcom. And Janelle
vows to wear the shirt back to the house, "to make the
Nerd Herd more envious." As if she didn't have that much
to make them envious in the first place.
Oh, and lest we mention
that you can catch "Two and a Half Men" Monday nights
this fall at 9p ET on this very network ($PLUG$).
The next day, the three
non-Latinos in the house sunbathe, while April admits
that if she wants to talk girly-girl stuff, that she
would go see Janelle. The two compare bodily...
assets... and cue the obligatory "boing boing" noises.
"Obviously April's had a lot more plastic surgery than I
had." Yeah, Janelle, that's obvious to everyone.
Maggie's not a huge supporter of vanity, as she calls
Boing-Boing Sisters talk about nominations, to get April
& Ivette to think that they've cut a deal. "April is
very loose with information," Maggie notes. "Ivette is
seeing it as 'me and her' against Janelle & April."
"She's not selling herself, but she is," Ivette says.
April thinks that
Janelle is going to think strategy. "A bunch of BS,"
Ivette says. "It's a tossup of what Janelle wants to
do," April says. Maggie is now the middleman, as relay
of information now hurts her.
But how will the
nomination play out? "My intention is to somehow split
up the group of three. The person that's not nominated
... is going to decide who'll leave this house, which
will cause more trouble." Ivette notes that there's a 75
percent chance of her going home this week (wrong...
based on how things play out, there is a 66 percent
Now to the ceremony.
After whining that she's been outcasted, attacked, and
her friends martyred, the only person safe today is...
April. Ivette and Maggie are up on the block. "My
reasons are purely strategic."
But are they? Or are
they, as Maggie calls them, lies? Did she do this to
herself? Find out Tuesday!