Oh, Big Brother where art thou? You come every summer and give us a special twist. From the X Factor to Project DNA, you surely can’t be missed. However, this season you cast a bunch of idiots, enough to make me cry. So now I watch this season, and I wish they’d all just die.

I apologize for the pathetic display of poetry above, but I needed to make sure that everyone reading this recap feels the same amount of pain that viewers did watching this last episode.

Tuesday kicked off with the aftermath of James and Sarah being nominated and surely it wasn’t pretty. James was shocked and appalled that he and Sarah were nominated because he was sure for the first time that he was safe this week.

Rule #1: The only thing you can be sure of in the Big Brother house is that you are NEVER safe.

In order to figure out what was going on, James and Sarah spoke with Howie in the HoH room and found out that Howie was quite mad. Howie told them that they totally destroyed his game plan and security in the house and for that reason he had to nominate them. He heard from everyone else that James had sworn on the Bible that he was going to gun for him and Rachel, and he didn’t wanted to be aligned with anyone who was double dealing.

James summarily denied having ever sworn on the bible (Liar!) and tried to convince Howie that he never gave Howie and Rachel away. Rabble rabble rabble, more bickering and we get nowhere.

Back in the Gold Room, Sarah asks James whether he really did swear on the bible and James doesn’t answer (i.e. Yes) Sarah is disappointed that he swore but they prepare to move forward and win veto.

Back in the HoH room much of the friendship has joined Howie, Rachel and Janelle and everyone seems happy with the nominations. Rachel points out that for the first time in this game the entire house seems to be united toward one common goal. Who really cares?

Sarah doesn’t. She goes out into the backyard and notices that Big Brother has set up a Mexican Fiesta. She runs back to tell James who then joins her as they share a private party, deciding to keep it secret from the rest of the house.

While they are enjoying their frozen drinks, Jennifer finds her way downstairs and spots the action. She investigates and sees that James and Sarah are partying and that there are piñatas for each of the houseguests to decorate. While Sarah tells Jen not to tell the rest of the houseguests, Jen knows that if she doesn’t tell the rest of the houseguests what going on that it will look bad on her. Thus she grabs her piñata and carries it upstairs where the rest of the houseguests spot her on the spy screen and go running for the party.

At the party, everyone decorates his or her piñata and Beau is happy because BB made a little brown piñata just for him. James makes his piñata with a veto and a halo, not to mention two big middle fingers. Janelle makes her piñata glamorous just like her. This brings us to rule #2.

Rule #2 NEVER invest time in a piñata or any other arts and craft project on a reality show. It will be destroyed.

And this brings us to our Veto Competition, Alotta Piñata.

Time to pick teams.
Howie selects Rachel
Sarah selects Jennifer
James selects Ivette

First off, Kudos to Sarah and James for picking weak competition as partners. It’s just about the only strategic maneuver that is pulled off all night.

The six competing houseguests all have their piñatas hanging up. Each houseguest will be given 10 pieces of candy that they must deposit into at least 2 of the piñatas. The houseguest closest to 20 pieces of candy wins with exceeding 20 earning a disqualification.

Now folks we have seen this all before. All that Jennifer, Ivette, Howie and Rachel have to do is put on candy in their own piñata and 9 in James’ to insure that James does not win Veto. Everyone should gun for James and he will not win. I repeat, EVERYONE SHOULD GUN FOR JAMES!

As you can guess, this did not happen. Only Ivette gave James 9 candies while no one else gave him more than 5. This resulted in a sad moment in Big Brother history. With this veto competition Big Brother basically handed the houseguests James’ head on a silver platter. However, the houseguests discarded it and James won Veto with 18 candies, 2 ahead of Howie with 16. I feel compelled to reveal a third rule.

Rule #3: You CANNOT underestimate the intelligence of a Big Brother houseguest.

Now the rest of the house is forced to move on to plan B. They know James is going to veto himself. Now they have to agree upon a replacement. April volunteers herself confident that everyone in the house is aiming for the same objective and will oust Sarah. RULE #4!

Rule #4: Never allow yourself to be nominated and further never allow yourself to be on the block. We saw what happened when Marcellas didn’t veto himself. There is NO SUCH THING as a pawn in Big Brother.

Now a quick break for some tye-dying action. The houseguests are shown clips of Michael, Eric and Kaysar saying why they should be brought back into the BB6 house. Then the houseguests are challenged to create tye-dyed campaign t-shirt to show who they want back in the house. No big surprises he except that James wants no one back (he just wants Sarah) and Janelle wants Michael back (a little booty rather than a strategic partner.

Back to the game. With it agreed that April would play the role of “pawn,” April beings to get nervous. She later tells Ivette that she thinks that Ivette would be better to be nominated against Sarah because she doesn’t want to hear James talk smack about her for the rest of the week. Apparently April read rule #4 a little bit late. Ivette is incensed. How dare April choose to back out of her agreement? Why is she picking on her? Well let’s find out. 1… 2-hoo… ::crunch:: 3.

Later in the evening, Ivette is sitting in the back yard playing a friendly game of chess… with James. April and Maggie are sitting on the hammock wondering how Ivette could possibly be civil with someone who has treated the house so poorly. Maggie warns, “you play with fire and you’re gonna get burned.”

Later back in the HoH room all of the houseguests sans James Sarah and Ivette are discussing the weakness of Sarah in this game. Apparently they believe all she is is another vote for James and what does that matter? What does that Matter?! Rule #5!

Rule #5: Big Brother is a game of votes. Votes are all that matters. Even if someone hates you or you hate them, as long as they vote your way, they are valuable.

After some conversation they decide that Ivette may be more of a danger than Sarah and maybe they should consider getting rid of her this week. She is a loose cannon and will likely become a liability. Too bad April already agreed to sit on the block as a pawn. Wait, what is this? April is lobbying and agreeing that Ivette should go up instead of her. Wow, what a shock.

At the veto ceremony, never mind I’ll save you Sarah’s sobbing. Sarah loves James but James loves himself. James vetoes himself and Howie blubber through his emergency nomination. HE puts up … Ivette, who apparently has read the rules and knows that being on the block means that she is not safe (Actually, maybe she needs to re-read Rule #1.) Regardless, on Thursday, either Ivette or Sarah will leave the Big Brother house and someone else will move back in. stay tuned to see what stupidity happens next.