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Episode 32.16 - Week of
Champions: Part 2
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and the winner of
American Idol...is...the audience, for having to endure it this season. Jason: (bows) Chico: Tee hee. Jason: But believe it or not, they may have a solution to the problem Chico: Not necessarily a good one. But one nonetheless. Gordon: The theme for This week's Show is Endurance. First off, a shout out to
Oklahoma, for enduring the tornadoes and having the wherewithal to start
building. As people who live near the Jersey Shore, we know what it's like. Chico: Same with the folks in Washington with their bridge collapse. It's just
been a rough week all around. And you know, we're all about providing an escape
and some entertainment... Gordon: We are, so hopefully, we'll make this more entertainment than endurance.
From somewhere off the Jersey Shore, the season finale of WLTI...is...on! Chico: Wee! Jason: WHOO HOO! Chico: Welcome to the big show. Thanks for being a part of our week and allowing
our week to be a part of you. We're delighted to have in the guest chair, our
brother from another mother, Jason Block. Jason: Always good to be here. Chico: Okay, we've got a lot of things to go over but we stat the Opening Round
with some breaking news.
Chico: ... I think I overdid the breaking. Anyway, this is from Friday. Mike
Darnell, the head of reality over at Fox and the father of reality television as
we know it... is leaving. Jason: This is BIG. Mega Big. Chico: He issued a statement last night.
"I'm extremely grateful that FOX has offered me a new long term contract (and
anyone who knows me won't believe I'm saying this), but I've decided it's time
for a change. With my current deal ending in June, and having been here for 18
years (kind of a record in Hollywood), I had to make a decision: either stay
(and basically admit to myself I was going to retire at FOX...not a terrible
choice) or leave and try something new. I've been in 'Reality' since before it
was even called that, and it has truly been an amazing ride. However, the world
has changed drastically over the last few years and now with hundreds of
channels and limitless ways to watch television, I've decided this was the
perfect time to take advantage of the rapidly changing marketplace. To say I am
going to miss everyone here and that the people at FOX are like a family to me
would be the understatement of the decade. I have so many people to thank (and I
will call all of you!), but first and foremost, I want to thank Kevin Reilly,
Peter Rice, Chase Carey and Rupert Murdoch for all their amazing support over
these many years."
Jason: It's a great statement. Doesn't sound too Lawyer-y. Chico: It's Mike Darnell. Through and through. Gordon: It is. Very professional. Now let's read between the lines here. It he
leaving of his own free will or is he being pushed out the door? Chico: Leads me to believe he came to this decision of his own volition, or at
least he made it from this own heart. There's no lawyer doublespeak to speak of.
Sounds to me like he's trying to take advantage of new opportunities, and they
are abound all over the place. Either that or he's seeing the writing on the
wall and not giving Fox brass the chance to pin it all on him. Jason: I think he was defenestrated. He fell on the sword for American Idol's
disaster, which is Noble. Chico: How honorable. Gordon: Let's look at it this way - TV is becoming more and more fractured. The
old ways of dealing are obviously nearing an end. I don't think Darnell is
taking the sword at all - I thin he sees the ship is sinking and he doesn't want
to get caught in the mess hall as the boat is taking on water. Chico: But you always hear about the captain going down with his ship... he
doesn't seem like that type. Jason: Nope. He got out at the right time. Gordon: Whoever gets that job next is going to have a VERY hard time. Jason: Because Fox Reality as a whole...sinking. Chico: He seems more like Mel Brooks in Spaceballs. Jason: Ha Chico: But yeah, what does this mean for Fox's stable of reality blockbusters? Gordon: Well it's not sinking. I think reality is more changing and
intertwining. Chico: Because stuff like Hell's Kitchen, MasterChef, So You Think You Can
Dance... still going on, still going strong. Gordon: Right. There are a LOT of opportunities out there. Jason: He has been there since 1995 Chico: Yep. Jason: Thats TWO Technological lifetimes. Chico: If I can point out one thing where you can say that his legacy was
slipping? Losing Saturday night. Jason: How do you mean? Chico: Cops went to Spike, America's Most Wanted went to Lifetime. Gordon: I don't think so. Those are both old warhorses and their age was
starting to show. Darnell's vision at FOX right now may not be the right vision.
Or it may be, but not necessarily viable for an entity like FOX. Look at
everything popping up on the internet, etc. But let's go have a quick biography
of Mike Darnell's greatest hits...and misses. big Board please?
Mike Darnell's Resume: The Hits
- American Idol
- So You Think You Can Dance
- Gordon Ramsay
- Joe Millionaire
- When BLANKS Do BLANK
- The Moment of Truth
Gordon: The Subject: Mike Darnell's Resume: The Hits. And yes, he's known for
#1. American Idol. But he's done a lot more than that. Jason: Oh he has. Gordon: #2. So You Think You Can Dance. That's been a Summer Ratings Juggernaut Chico: 3) Gordon Ramsay. Hell's Kitchen... Kitchen Nightmares... MasterChef... Jason: Yes. Chico: 4)... something you'll love, G... the When BLANKS do BLANK specials. Yes,
they were bottom of the barrel, but they got ratings, by golly Jason: And they still run on Spike Gordon: Let's not forget #5. Joe Millionaire and Temptation Island. Jason: I have #6 - A favorite of G and the WLTI Crew...The Moment of Truth! Gordon: I love this show. I may be the only one, but I love it. Jason: It was AHEAD OF IT'S TIME. Chico: Basically, Mike Darnell got to where he was because he was able to sell
controversy. Think about it... he gave America the trope of the acid tongued
voice of the people British dude with a heart of gold. Chico: You know, once you actually saw the thing. Gordon: Thats the Good Mike. However, there's also a Mike where you wonder what
planet he was from. Big Bored please?
Mike Darnell's Resume: The Misses
- It's Your Chance of a Lifetime
- Love Cruise
- Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire
- Mr. Personality
- Every Reality Ripoff
- My Little Genius
Gordon: The subject: Mike Darnell's Resume: The Misses. Jason: With all the hits...boy the misses were HUGE. Chico: Let's see... It's Your Chance of a Lifetime... Gordon: Love Cruise Chico: Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire... Gordon: Mr. Personality Chico: Skating with Celebrities... Gordon: The Littlest Groom Chico: Stars in Danger: The High Dive... Jason: Married by America Chico: Anything made to capitalize on a success of a show by another network.
See Choice, The. Gordon: Take Me Out Jason: And...the greenlight of MY LITTLE GENIUS. Don't forget that. Chico: We were TRYING to. Jason: So when he hits it's huge. When he misses...yeesh Chico: It's equally huge. Gordon: He's had a lot of misses, but the hits were big. You can also say though
that recently, he has had a lot of misses, and his hits are losing steam. Jason: We can. Gordon: BUT you can also say that his next big hit could once again recalibrate
the reality tv world. So Miike Darnell, you will be missed. Jason: Agreed. Evil Genius LOL Gordon: Let's go to one of Darnell's final projects before he leaves FOX. It's a
show called 'Does Someone Have to Go?' Jason: A very nasty concept. I mean Nasty in a "Are you kidding me?" Chico: Marginally a game show worth covering. and judging from ratings, we won't
be covering it long. Gordon: Here's the concept. A company, who has issues, leaves it to their
employees to determine who (if anyone) should be fired. Jason: But do we need to see firings? People didn't go after "The Job" (and they
should have). Chico: I think shows like The Job and Crowd Rules have proven one thing... no
one likes to be reminded of how bad life is for them. Jason: Which is why this wont work. Chico: No sir. So sorry. Gordon: Well, here is where I differ. The premise WOULD HAVE been interesting if
they set this up like a Kitchen Nightmares sort of show - a company brings in a
business expert to say what exactly is wrong with the company. Here's the
problem. They don't go after what WORKS and they go after what doesn't work at
all - people trying to save their jobs by throwing someone else under the bus.
Chico: See, that would work (see Bar Rescue) Gordon: Right. Instead, you lose the concept when you have the people that
probably caused the problems to begin with decide who is responsible - almost
like The Lord of the Flies goes corporate. Jason: WOW. Gordon throw in a literary reference. And it's the right one :) Gordon: Right. However, this is painful to watch. The general public don't want
to be reminded of their own plight, and this show instead of trying to fix the
problem, exacerbates it by displaying people's salaries and what other people
truly think of them. If I was working there and saw the show, I'd quit
immediately after the broadcast. Jason: Its seems very exploitive Gordon: It is. Chico: INCREDIBLY
SOMEONE HAVE TO GO?
Fox - 9p ET Thursday
Gordon: What makes Kitchen Nightmares, Bar Rescue, etc. work is that although
they are exploitive as well, at the end of the day, in the words of Fat Albert,
'if you're careful, you'll learn something'. Whereas with this, if you're
careful, you'll lose 3 IQ points. Grade: FU. Jason: That bad. Chico: I think talking about it any further I'm going to have to have a
preventative lobotomy. F this. F you. Jason: F all of this. Gordon: So Mike, upon your emergence in a new place - please don't make another
show like this. Jason: Take a few months off and recharge Chico: Take a moment to reflect on one question. "Why am I here?" Though a man
with your track record and... hair.... need only answer with "To cause trouble."
Which can be a good or a bad thing as we've seen. Gordon: Maybe he'll pitch a show to GSN. Because GSN does have money to spend as
they reboot Minute to Win It. Chico: And it's just as you remembered it form NBC. Which again... can be a good
or a bad thing. 10 stunts, big money, an unconventional host, and an attitude
that the player is less traditional game show contestant and more epic hero. And
for good reason. Many of the staffers who worked on the original are back on
board for this, with the exception of the Friday TV group that created it. But,
and going to the good, it looks and feels like the original. Jason: Looks, Feels, sounds. Chico: Only for lower stakes, but high for GSN standards. Whoever conquers all
10 stages wins $250,000, with safeguards at $10,000 and $25,000. Gordon: The Good - If you like Minute to Win It (Lee DiGeorge), you'll like the
reboot. Jason: Yes. It's the EXACT SAME SHOW. The play along factor is HUGE. And the
games are great Chico: And the beauty and selling point... ANYONE can play them. Gordon: The Bad - If you didn't like Minute to Win It (Gordon Pepper), you'll
think it's the same show with a weaker, more watered-down host. Jason: Gordon is DEAD ON. Apolo Ohno is OH-NO. Chico: If I had one word for Apolo Ohno's hosting? It would be bipolar. Gordon: He's clearly green here and it's cloying, bordering on annoying Chico: This is not a serious show. Gordon: Which is a shame, because it should be treated with more care. Chico: I think he's letting the job get in his head. Because that's the failings
of people who you don't see as game show hosts and all of a sudden, they're game
show hosts. Jason: He is trying way too hard. Chico: He's thinking about it. You want a show like this to succeed and for that
to be the case, you just have to live in the moment, because this show is an
in-the-moment show. You want to root for the players... you want to be the
conduit between game and audience. Jason: You also have the same bad commercial cuts Chico: And the post-production values are basically "This is how you create
drama when you have nothing to go on."
MINUTE TO WIN IT
GSN - 8p ET Tuesday
Gordon: So to sum this up - The Game outshines everything else, which is a good
thing because everything else is dull and dingy. C- Chico: I'm going to go with C- as well. The production hasn't learned
from the original and as such, they create the original series. Jason: It's xerox with a faded host...C. Chico: Maybe it'll get better. Gordon: You both have too much faith. Chico: Well, you didn't like the show to begin with, so there's something. But
there's one thing you DID do correctly this week.
Gordon: I warned you all to beware the Pickler.
Chico: So we're down to the final three on Dancing with the Stars; Zendaya,
Jacoby Jones and Kellie Pickler. Jason: Country Votes and she was good. Chico: No one is debating that she's good. Gordon: She was very good, though this is a clear season where audience trumps
judges Chico: And that she's got a body she can WORK. Gordon: Pickler has nice pickles. Chico: Going into the public vote: Zendaya has 95. Kellie has 94. Jacoby Jones
has 86 Jason: Right. Chico: Let's just get Jacoby out of the picture. Jason: (wipes) Chico: So basically, whoever wins the audience vote wins the whole thing. And
remember, the points are expressed as a percentage vote. Gordon: And you know that Kellie HAS to have a bigger following than either of
the other 2. Chico: Like if you have 35 percent of the total vote, that's 35 points. Jason: Bingo. Chico: Especially for this audience. Remember, a lot of, for lack of a better
descriptor, older conservatives watch Dancing. Not the NFL crowd of early series
and not the young Disney crowd who have moved on to the Voice. Jason: As Gordon noted many times :) Gordon: I have. And in this case, Pickler wins the vote and the title. Hence she
gets this... Chico: Not smarter than a 5th grader, but can move like a college freshman.
Chico: .... yeah think about THAT one. Jason: Baseball Baseball Baseball LOL Chico: You'd like to get your hands on her baseballs. Gordon: Can she move like a Firefighter? Chico: She's hot enough. Boom. Gordon: Let's go to The Price is Right, where they saluted firemen on Friday Jason: And Firewomen :) Chico: And their families. But yeah, what's the rule, kids? Jason: Special shows = not so good Chico: Nope. You'd be lucky at 3-3. Instead we get the 2-4 disappointment that
we're all accustomed to at this point. Jason: But it wasn't a bad show. The show is running on all cylinders right now Chico: Not a bad show in the slightest. But the players are really starting to
bug me with their inattentiveness. Gordon: I did like Hans in the Firefighter garb and Drew overplaying a technical
flub (whats up with all these technical issues? ) saying that Hans was checking
for insurance before he went over the cliff. Chico: That was awesome. Jason: That was great. Gordon: Here's the biggest change for Drew - he's going from star to conduit,
which is exactly what he should be doing, Chico: Very good. Gordon: He's learned to make more subtle jokes instead of the out and out jabs
where the show stops while waiting for him. Jason: He feels relaxed. Chico: And from the start, you know, he's gone on record as saying that it's not
HIS show, he's just taking care of the store while the owner's out doing his
thing. Gordon: He's finally hosting like it's his store. Jason: And the whole Scott Robinson good bye...was amazing. Chico: That was a moment. And frankly if you missed out on it, you need to check
where YOUR head is at. Jason: This season for Drew was HIS. Gordon: Yes it was. And Meredith Viera, on the other side, is having fun on her
Gordon: (Divided by 1000)
Chico: What've you got for us, man? Gordon: No one gets to the big money this week, but just to spread some love,
lets go to the last question. Chico: This oughta be fun. Jason: ok
What '90s board game challenged girls to figure out who their secret admirer was
by getting clues about his clothes, favorite foods & hangouts?
B: Dream Phone
C: Mall Madness
D: Pretty Pretty Princess
E. Anthony Weiner's Cell Phone Hunt
Chico: I got... and I'm actually ashamed I know this, but I watched a lot of
Saturday morning TV during the 90s... B Jason: I think it was C. Chico: I say we go to the commercial for the answer. Jason: You have it?
Jason: I hurt. :) Chico: It was basically Clue for the overly attached girlfriend with the crazy
eyes. *Gordon: Meanwhile, the hamsters are playing with the phones and squeaking at
each other. Looks like they're having fun Chico: I call it Phone-a-Rodent. Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks, Doug Morris. Now. I'm going to need a whole rack of bats. Jason: (rolls in the rack of bats for Chico) Which one do you want? Chico: As many as you can give me. Because we've got a whole slew of greenlights. Jason: Go for it
We have the Hunger Games-esque "Capture" for the CW on July 31. Summer Camp with
Matt Rogers for USA on July 11 Spell-Mageddon for ABC Family July 24. Last Call
Food Brawl for Destination America June 10. Sing Your Face Off for ABC, sometime
Chico: It's celebrities singing like... other celebrities. Jason: With Captain Jack Harkness as host
The Newlywed Game reruns are heading for Bounce TV and The X Factor has new
judges...Please welcome Paulina Rubio and Kelly Rowland to the stage.
Jason: (tennis clap) Chico: Three chicks and a Brit. They join Demi Lovato and Simon Cowell. Jason: Gotcha. Gordon: (Wheels in another crate) Do you need any more? Chico: Nah I think I've Mike Trouted enough this week Jason: You Cabrera'd. Chico: I hit for the cycle. Greenlights, reruns AND new judges. Jason: Bingo. Gordon: And now the home platebook..I mean Datebook Chico: Gordon pitches no hitters. Just another day on his datebook.
We start the Summer off with Chico's Faaaaaaavorite show on Monday - The
Bachelorette. Wednesday is The American Baking Competition and Top Shot
All-Stars. Sunday gives is The Next Food Network Star and TOP HOOKER. Hubba
Jason: I will cover FNS. Let's see what they can cook up Chico: I've got Top Shot. I like history. I like boomsticks. I'm not one of
THOSE boomstick fans. And Baking. Baking's good too. We'll have reviews next
week. Meanwhile, I've got a review you're gonna like if you have an Android
device. Jason: Hic Chico: Let's get loaded.
You Don't Know Jack is now available on the Android platform. Plays like the
console, iOS and Facebook versions. And it's just as frenetic and irreverent.
Jason: Win! Chico: It's available for free at Google Play. Gordon: It's a great gaming program and I wholeheartedly recommend it. Chico: Pick this up or you're part of the problem. Gordon: Actually, I have part of the problem right here. Jason: Hoo boy... Chico: (Wheels in Whiteboard)
Are YOU Smarter than...Stop me when you've heard this one...Amanda Bynes
Chico: STOP. Jason: Holy cow.
Amanda once again gets sent to hoosegow land when caught in a hotel lobby smoking
a joint and then caught attempting to chuck all the evidence out of a hotel
window. She was allegedly wearing a platinum blonde wig and also allegedly tried
to throw THAT out the window, along with an allegedly evil bong.
Chico: And then plays the Reese Witherspoon card. Formerly the Gloria James
card. Jason: Formerly the Lohan Card Chico: Six words: "Do you know who I am?" Gordon: No, but I know where you're going. Chico: Nice Gordon: To a place where people can afford to drink their Haterade from a red
Dixie cup. Jason: (puts down mug)
Ke$ha, who has been on American Idol and lampooned on RuPaul's Drag Race, is now
looking to be boycotted by the Parent's Television Council for an epiasode of
her show that featueed her drinking her own urine. Yummy.
Chico: Now I KNOW the PTC is full of it, because... why in all of creation is
someone going to watch someone drink their own pee? Gordon: Well Ke$ha is full of it also. Or maybe now, she's just full. I have
video which WILL NOT be going on this site. For the obvious reasons. Jason: Yuck Gordon: Ke$ha's urine is NOT a good substitute for Haterade, btw. Chico: No. Gordon: But let's send her on a holiday so she can drink urine from around the
world. Jason: To where? Chico: Let's go to the UK, where the X Factor has a new judge... Nick Cannon
calls her "Miss Sharon."
Sharon Osbourne is joining the X Factor UK.
Gordon: It's a good move for AGT. Sharon is very good judge. Jason: The best female judge out there. Chico: She is. Not afraid to tell it like it is. If she really likes
you'll hear it. If she hates something, you'll hear it. Gordon: She'll be good in media ho cultivation for the UK Chico: (plays Luda)
In this week's hodometer, Faith HIll will NOT be a judge, Jeopardy wants past
media hoes for a secret project (ooooh), Bret Michaels insists he wasn't at the
Celebrity Apprentice finale because of his daughters birthday and not because he
was pissed off at Donald Trump...
Chico: Though we could get either one, really Jason: BTW...past TOC players...that means you :)
John Barrowman hosts Sing Your Face Off, Chris Harrison gets a Webby, Brian May
wants The Voice to die a hideous painful death,. Don't mince words, Brian...
Chico: He WAS mincing words. :-) Jason: LOL
The Wheelmobile moves to Syracuse June 1, Blake Shelton does an Oklahoma visit,
and Nigel Lythgoe says that the judging panel for this past season of Idol
didn't gel. What ever gave you that idea?
Jason: The rating drop...the bad talent..the inconsistency...may I go on? Gordon: No. But none of them are the ho of the week. Chico: Who've you got? Gordon: The Ho is Mike Darnell for the obvious reasons. We look in anticipation
(or cringe) at what happens for him post-FOX. Chico: Indeed. Jason: Nods Gordon: And those...are your hoes. Jason: Shutting down Chico: And that's Brainvision. Thanks for shutting'er down. Still to come on the
show, we've got Percentages and Toilets. That's coming up right after the break.
Gordon: Sounds like a rip-roaring time. You're reading WLTI. you give us 22
minutes and we'll give you 22 ideas that Mike Darnell won't put on the air. The
Bed-Chico-Ler being one of them. Chico: Celebrity Staring Contest with Taylor Swift and Overly Attached
Girlfriend. Too... many... CRAZY EYES! Jason: Celebrity War Gordon: The Greatness of North Carolina's Football Academic Counseling program. Chico: Okay, let's break on that.
(Brainvision is Presented by Celebrity Superstar Challenge. Twelve celebrities
will be celebrities in a celebrity house playing celebrity games with other
celebrities in order to win the title of CELEBRITY SUPERSTAR! It's star power,