Episode 32.6 - Groundhog Stew
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I'm making
Groundhog stew. Anyone want a piece?
Chico: Right here.
Jason: It would be great on the Taste. Or Chopped
Chico: Extra carrots. Hold the potatoes. I'm watching my carbs. It's good to eat
and nice and warm on this cold... err, winterspring day?
Gordon: Groundhog said Spring comes early 6 weeks ago. This look like Spring to
you? (stares at snow mound)
Chico: Geologically, it's spring. The calendar still says winter. And the
weather has been saying winter for the last two weeks.
Jason: Once the clocks change...it will melt
Chico: Maybe next week. But until then, grab a warm blanket and try not to fall
asleep because from somewhere in America... WLTI... is... ON!
Chico: I'm Chico Alexander. I got my toboggan. I got my thermals. I got my
parka. And I got Jason Block. What's good, man?
Jason: Life is good.
Chico: Yes sir.
Jason: But NO MORE SNOW!
Chico: Thank you. Life just got really good for 10 special young people. And
when I say special, I mean sleep-inducing.
Jason: Gordon I have to ask...Worse than Season 3?
Gordon? Believe it or not...no. They are bland, but at least they can hit the
notes. They aren't incompetent.
Chico: That takes some doing. Anyway, let's go over the top 10 in our annual
tale of the tape... Big Board me.
Take 10 and Call Me in the
- Lazaro Arbos (Naples, FL)
- Janelle Arthur (Oliver Springs, TN)
- Curtis Finch, Jr (St. Louis)
- Candice Glover (Beaufort, SC)
- Kree Harrison (Nashville, TN)
- Amber Holcomb (Houston)
- Paul Jolley (Palmersville, TN)
- Angie Miller (Beverly, MA)
- Burnell Taylor (New Orleans)
-Devin Velez (Chicago)
Chico: This one's called "Take 10 and Call Me in the Morning"
HERE TO CONTINUE
Gordon: Or 90 minutes of sleep. We have 2 dichotomies this season - the
women have the better voices but are exciting as a mop, and the guys and
underwhelming, but those are the people the girlies will vote for because their
backstories are inspirational.
Chico: Of the top 10, only three - Angie, Curtis and Devin - are not from
the southeast or the Midsouth, where most of the winners have come from.
Jason: Thats why Lazaro is your next American Idol
Chico: And only one of them can by deemed the Hot Guy With Guitar(TM).
Chico: And he has no chance of winning. So it's safe to say that the HGWG
does not win Idol this year.
Chico: Five court the pop vote... three court the country vote... four
court the R&B vote... and, here's something new, two court the Latin vote almost
explicitly. No real rockers in this group, unless you count Kree and that's a
stretch. And again, like Gordon said... the women are stronger, but the men have
the better backstories. And who watches the show? Mostly young women. So the
only thing we know for sure right now is that American Idol this year will be a
great substitute for Nytol.
Jason: So the $1M question...does a female win?
Chico: Right now, they are setting this up for a female win. But like
Ellie said, anything could happen.
Gordon: I don't think a female is goig to win
Chico: Interesting thing is no one is the complete package. No one's even
close. But if I were to pick a front runner right now... it would be Curtis.
Gordon: Can you group everyone by genre please?
Chico: Sure thing. You guys can help me.
R&B: Curtis, Candice, Amber, Burnell, MAYBE Paul.
Chico: If you believe the whole Robin Thicke thing he's got going.
Gordon: I don't. Paul is clearly Pop / Country
COUNTRY: Janelle, Kree, ... again, MAYBE Paul.
Gordon: I'd stick Kree in alt.
POP: Lazaro, Paul, Angie, Devin, MAYBE Kree.
Chico: Again, depends on what the theme is from week to week.
Gordon: True. No rockers, huh?
Chico: She's more on the Michelle Branch end of the rock spectrum than
the Bret Michaels in the 80s end. And the Latin vote is divided between the
decidedly Latin-heartthrob Devin and the maybe-less-so Lazaro.
Gordon: As you can see though, lots of pop and R&B this season. They are
not only going for a female, they are going for mainstream.
Chico: Right on.
Gordon: They want a superstar. Will they get it with this crop?
Chico: I'm going to go with no on this one.
Jason: Only if Lazaro wins.
Chico: I mean, you're going to see growth, but as for lasting success...
that's on the singer, not the contest.
Gordon: We will discuss this later on, as we have a DUObLE BIG BOARD this
episode. This is the first time we have 2 really big boards in one episode.
Jason: OH BOY
Chico: It's a big episode.
Gordon: But right now, we have a really big bust.
Gordon: Her too.
Chico: ba-DUM bum.
Chico: Okay, so Shamar was set up to be the annoyance of the tribe. He
was going to just completely be the villain and everything, but that's not going
to happen. He's lifted out on, of all things... an eye infection. But that was
not going to stop a vote from taking place.
Jason: Nope. The favorites win immunity
Chico: AGAIN. So now the fans have a chioce to make... loyalty or
Jason: They go physical strength
Chico: I don't know if you've been paying attention, but this tribe of
fans is... to put it mildly... PATHETIC.
Jason: Big time.
Chico: Again, you can have all the alliances in the world, you can deal
until they legally change your name to Monty Hall, but it means nothing if you
don't win immunity.
Gordon: Well the biggest problem is that the fans are playing round 2 of
the game during stage 1. You can't even think about end game unless you are in a
position to play it.
Chico: That's what we're saying.
Gordon: And ironically - he wouldn't have been voted out.
Chico: You can have all the plans in the world, but it means nothing if
you don't win Immunity. And the point of part 1 is to make it to part 2. Then
you can start talking end game. Not before. For a group of superfans, they
aren't really students of the game, are they?
Gordon: And at this rate, the fans better start looking for cracks in the
Favorites alliance - whats left of the fans. The good news for them is that the
smart favorites will try to use them to leverage them to the end.
Jason: Because the merge might happen in a few weeks.
Chico: Indeed. Happening this week... $100,000 cash money. Guaranteed.
(divided by 10)
(Stretched out over five days)
Chico: Now this is something we talked about last year, but PCH is
getting back into the TPIR game. But rather than have escalating jackpot Plinko,
they decide to give $20,000 to the first person to win a game every day.
Jason: And I think they did the best thing they could with it.
Chico: All in anticipation for that thing they do with the whole win
Jason: The Prize Patrol
Chico: So rather than have a day one flameout, we have a reason to watch
every day, as someone win $20,000 every day. So is this better than the Super
Plinko from last year?
Jason: It's the best you can do with the TPIR Format.
Gordon: This is much better than Super Plinko. The whole idea was to get
a winner and have the Publisher Clearing house guys pop up, so on that, mission
Chico: It is the best you could do. If only the players could get with
Jason: LMAD did it best this year...so did Feud
Chico: And like every special week, it ends with a really big
disappointment. Let's play a Showcase or two.
Chico: First up, a bathtub with mirrored waterproof TV, home theater
seats, an HDTV, and a Honda Fit. Gordon, you still see no use for a car in NYC,
bid or pass?
Gordon: I don't see a reason to bid on a flashy car or a 1957 makeover.
All that does is scream 'Steal Me' when I'm driving it in Manhattan, A Honda
Fit, however, I will bid on. $29,292.
Chico: Jason, you get a trip to New Orleans and a Mazda 2 Sport.
Chico: $22,500 on resurrections and hand grenades. Actual price...
$21,340. You're over.
Chico: Gordon... your Showcase... $29,323!
Chico: Good job.
Gordon: Where's my bathtub?
Chico: And it's better than what Block and thw two finalists did on
Friday; Can you say Double Overbid?
Chico: So yeah, we give out $100,000 easy... but it's still no cure for
having brainy contestant. Oh well, on to the next great idea, guys.
Jason: It sure isn't King of the Nerds
Chico: Oh boy. If there was ever a need for an opposite of Spreading the
Love, this would be it.
Jason: Let's recap the final shall we?
Chico: Yes. Let's.
Jason: We are down to the final four of Danielle(Video Game Blogger),
Celeste the Pro Gamer, Ivan, and Genevieve the Fantasy Writer
Chico: All very nerdy. All our kind of people. But go on.
Jason: Ivan gets eliminated in a Segway race. Danielle gets eliminated in
a trivia contest.
Chico: That leaves Celeste and Genevieve to fight for the title of Queen
of the Nerds.
Chico: Tell us the but.
Jason: The But is...the eliminated nerds vote for who is the Queen.
Jason: WHAT? THE?
Chico: No, no, no.... no.
Jason: So here's the irony
Chico: Tell us the irony.
Jason: Non-social people had to have been social the entire show. DUMB
Chico: If they were social, they'd be geeks. This is a fact.
Jason: Anyway Celeste is voted in. Congratulations to her.
Chico: So everything that made this show special gets tossed into the
grease dumpster for reality show tropes. Nice.
Jason: It wasn't special, but it had a quirkiness about it.
Chico: It did. And it got tossed into the grease dumpster.
Jason: But the end game has to be improved for season 2.
Gordon: I think the entire game has to be improved for season 2.
Chico: There's nothing wrong with reality show tropes, but there's a
thing called context.
Gordon: Again, as I said months ago, this wasn't the best nerd. This was
nerds playing survivor
Gordon: Thank you. And the endgame on this sucked. At least with Beauty
and the Geek, the end game made sense (how well do you know your teammate)
Chico: Thank you. That was a game. That had the proper context.
Gordon: I mean, if you're a nerd, you have social issues to begin with,
so to be the best nerd, ironically, you have to have the best social game? Am I
missing something here?
Chico: Yeah, the part where we're supposed to be sociable. I mean, you me
and Jason are only sociable because we hang out with like-minded geeks and we
can turn it on and off at will. And by definition, geeks are social. These are
nerds. We can talk semantics all day, but the point is that this game, already
in for 2014, needs a do-over. Otherwise, it's two seasons and goodnight. And
don't say it won't happen... Real Gilligan's Island.
Jason: I am saying we want the show to be better.
Chico: We want a show like this to succeed, but it has to do so for the
right reasons. Not just because it's something on.
Gordon: Pretty much
Chico: Speaking of something on, NatGeo needs an hour to fill. Enter "Are
You Tougher Than a Boy Scout" You want to talk about nerdy?
Gordon: It was so nerdy, I expected Urkel to show up
Jason: DID I DO THAT?
Chico: It was so nerdy, Screech looked cool by comparison.
Chico: Let's get one thing out of the way. The title... a misnomer.
Because if you were to ask anyone on the street if they were tougher than a Boy
Scout, they'd say yes and enjoy it. Anyway, the show pits three grown men
against three boy scouts in various scouting challenges. The challenges in the
last episode ranged from tossing buoys to eating worms to orienteering.
Jason: What's the prize?
Chico: A merit badge.
Chico: Really. And the game itself isn't even men vs. boys, but rather a
game of last-man-standing.
Jason: Is it enjoyable to watch?
Chico: It was about as awkward as watching Charlie Askew's exit speech on
Jason: oh boy.
Chico: It was a trial.
Gordon: I disagree with you here. I happened to like this, It was
entertaining, and it did something the nerds show didn't on - and that was
demystify some of the concepts around both the Boy Scouts and the Man Scouts as
Chico: It did demystify, but at the same time, it just fell awesomely
flat. This was about as tropy as it gets.
Gordon: It was tropy, but that's what I liked about it. It didn't fall
into the trap of taking things too seriously.
Chico: And you take away the Boy Scouts and everything they stand for...
it's just another show.
Gordon: I liked it better than you did. I give it points for originality
and creativity. It's not a million dollar contest, but you could do worse than
watch it. You really could.
Chico: It's not a bad show, but ask me again at the end of the year if
I'll remember it.
Gordon: Yes, but you'll remember shows in a few weeks for other reasons.
At least this doesn't fall on THAT list. B-.
Chico: C+ here. Not good, not bad, just there.
Jason: Pass on the grade.
Chico: Will you pass a Replay?
Jason: No...I have the clock. 5:30
Chico: REPLAY. READY? GO!
Jason: (starts clock)
Chico: Let's start with the original battle of the Nerds, Jeopardy!, and
lack of momentum hits another champ. And it's on a triple stumper from Monday's
show that does Sara Garnett in. The category: Colleges & Universities.
One of its mascots is a restored 1930 sport coupe that's been in used at the
school since 1961
Jason: What is the Rambling Wreck of GEORGIA TECH?
Gordon: Jeopardy Question: What is the Donald Trump COllege of Antique
restoring and real estate?
Chico: .... No. But points for a gold-colored reference. It was the
Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech. Meanwhile, Drew Horwood has $70,798 and is an
IN for the next TOC after four.
Jason: He did ok.
Chico: Yes he did. This week on LMAD didn't have Monty Hall, but it did
have a REALLY Big Deal on Friday. Kimberly the pink loofah wins a trip to
British Columbia, but trades it in for a door. Behind her door... A FREAKING BMW
Jason: 1 series
Chico: 128i, actually.
Chico: THAT's a big deal.
Jason: The one they gave away in the Twitter Episode.
Chico: Also on Friday, the season debut of Fashion Star, which is set up
like... another Voice clone.
Chico: John's team wins the first fashion show on $370K worth of sales.
Jesseray Vasquez/Garrett Cerson from team Jessica and Bret Young from Team
Nicole are in the bottom two. Bret... who was outsold by his own team... gets
the split vote by the judges, and he's gone.
Jason: And yes...you can buy the stuff at Macys.com
Gordon: Jade Jollie gets sent packing on the Drag Race.
Chico: The women tell all on the Bachelor... and it's an endless stream
of $1000 winners on Millionaire.
Chico: And something happened to Jason, BUT WE WON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!
Jason: You can. I take the good with the bad.
Chico: Okay... why don't you tell us
Jason: I bombed on Let's Ask America? I didn't even make it out of the
first round. I missed on a couple of coin flip questions. It happens.
Gordon: Which means Jason...tee hee...gets this.
Jason: Deservedly so.
Chico: And your players of the week... the cast of the Biggest Loser.
Chico: All they had to do was lose 5% of their weight AT HOME and they'll
win immunity. All five got made over... and they lose the 5 percent.
Chico: Though I think the producers are grooming Danni for a
Jennifer-Lawrence-in-the-Hunger-Gameseque win. Just putting it out there. And
THAT... is the Replay.
Jason: STOP THE CLOCK!
Chico: Did we get in on time, J?
Chico: YES! I'm sure that'll make the hamsters happy.
Gordon: They would be, if they weren't already sleeping.
Chico: Too much Idol.
Gordon: Apparently, they think you have to get a day's worth of sleep in
exchange for one less hour this Sunday. And too much idol.
Jason: Thought so.
Chico: I'll fix this. *turns on alarm clock*
Jason: I am turning on the choppler.
Chico: Gordon, make it happen
Gordon: Roll that beautiful Brain Footage
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks, Doug. First up, let's get the bat rack
Jason: Which one do you need?
Chico: I need the wet one.
Jason: (hands Chico the dripping wet bat)
have hosts for ABC's Splash in Joey Lawrence and Charissa Thompson.
Jason: I saw the ads for this (shudder)
Chico: We all know Charissa explaining it all on Sportsnation. Joey with
Melissa on ABC Family. And as we air this, it'll all go down NEXT WEEK, March
Chico: Also in new host news...
Jeff Foxworthy will trade his Bible in for a beater as he's hosting American
Baking Competition for CBS this summer.
Jason: His might work, but not necessarily the show
Chico: No, but it IS making me hungry. Gordon, what time is it?
Gordon: Its Datebook time.
Chico: My favroite time
the Datebook...no new game show debuts, but we'll see your Top Ten in Idol and
North Carolina go down in flames during the ACC tournament.
Chico: How about no.
Chico: And if you think they're losing tonight, then you must be
Gordon: Duke won just as many NCAA Titles as UNC did last year.
Chico: At least we didn't lose to a 15 seed. By the way, your sheets are
in the mail, guys. =p Also in the mail, tickets to the Czech Republic
the latest country to pick up Upgrade
Chico: If you remember, this is the show where people compete for
upgraded - or downgraded - versions of their home furnishings.
Jason: I do.
Chico: Win and you can get a La-Z-Boy recliner. Lose... you could get a
Gordon: I like the show. It's a smart choice for Norway. Who's up for
Jason: Bring it!
Chico: Right here
YOU SMarter Than...Mel B, who after day #1 on America's Got Talent, may have
earned her way to the UK version.
Chico: I got this. Okay, she Xed out a brass band act... in NEW ORLEANS.
Gordon: Not just a brass band - it was New Orleans premiere brass band -
and she says she didn't like brass bands. You do NOT say that in New Orleans.
Chico: That's like telling a Philly native you're not a fan of
Gordon: It's like going into a bowling alley and say bowling alleys suck.
Chico: Yeah. It's THAT. BAD.
Gordon: And now, for the Haterade. Remember last week when we were
talking about shows that were yanked?
yanking the show after 2 episodes, World's Toughest Trucker has officially been
canned. No word as to who actually won.
Chico: Any word as to who actually cares?
Chico: Thought so. Let's get loaded.
of Fortune Slots gets apped on the GSN Casino for iOS
Jason: Very nice.
Chico: It IS. Very addictive and a good play for Wheel Fans.
Chico: Especially for the price.
Jason: How much?
Jason: Like other apps
Gordon: Like other hoes also
this week's Media Ho report, Jon Landau will be a guest on Face-Off, Cassadee
Pope gets a new show, Bob Barker goes to bat for whistleblowers...Ilan Hall goes
into a Knife Fight (don't worry, its only a show), Heidi Klum signs on to AGT
(not necessarily to replace Mel B, but that may be what winds up happening),
Chico's Faaaaavorite UK show Tipping Point gets renewed...Charlie Askew's
suffers a 'mental breakdown' (allegedly) on Idol, Kelly Osbourne suffers a
seizure, and Sean lowe claims he suffers a mental breakdown on the finale of The
Gordon: But none of them are the ho of the week.
Chico: Who've you got for me now?
Gordon: Your ho is Desiree Hartsock, who was caught with a tv crew
filming scenes for The Bachelorette. And those...are your hoes. And that's
BrainVision. Shut it down, Jay.
Jason: (Shutting down)
Gordon: Still to come, a Dancing Big Board, but up next...a SINGING Big
Board. It's 2, 2, Big Boards in one. You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes
and we'll give you 22 finalists on RuPaul's Drag Race that should be mentors to
this year's crop of American Idol contestants.
(BrainVision has been brought to you by The Next Great American College Band.
We have College Basketball Teams shooting for the stars. The Band who is the
best gets to play for the Final Four. Concept soon to be stolen by a major
network near you.)