Chico: This is Chico Alexander. And if you have
been watching this show for any amount of time, you know two things about Gordon
Pepper. One, he's a big American Idol fan. Two, he's also a big talker. In the
good way. I mean, when Gordon Pepper says it, take it to the cash out. So
imagine what happens when the season premiere week leaves him literally
speechless. Actually, he had a four word reaction. Gordon?
Gordon: I'm a Sad Panda.
Chico: We'll tell you why in a moment, because from somewhere in America... WLTI...
Gordon: Yay! Gordon here along with Chico and a whole bunch of dueling divas
that I would have rather seen on QVC hawking earrings and aerosol.
Chico: Yep. It's back, folks.
Chico: Or at this point, it would be more like...
Chico: A lot of questions you have about the American Idol season 12 opener have
been answered, and along the way, we're left with more questions.
Gordon: The biggest one I have, is why are the producers putting more emphasis
on the catfights than the talent?
Chico: I honestly can't tell you. But what i can tell you is that it's not
helping ratings much. There's a 20 percent drop off.
Gordon: And it's because the general public, like us, had as much desire to see
Nicky Minaj as we have to be covered in gravy and put in front of a pig trough.
Chico: If by "gravy" you mean "bubble gum" and by "pig trough" you mean "junk
room". The biggest question I have - and it's one that goes back to tell-tale
signs of a show that's lost its way - Is American Idol a show that has lost its
Gordon: I need to buy it a GPS.
Chico: I have to say that you could buy it a GPS or you could give it google
Maps. You could send them on their way to a road map of Los Angeles and they
still wouldn't be able to find their way. They have a lot of great stories from
good contestants, but they choose to focus on the judges! Someone along the way
forgot that the host is the host, the judges are the judges and the contestants
are the stars.
Gordon: This is the issue we have had with the show for the past few seasons. So
far, nothing has changed. Instead of getting stpries from the people the
producers want us to buy cds from, we get stories from the stutterer, the guy in
the big turban and the eye candy, none of which are going to get anywhere near
the live show.
Chico: Well, the stutterer may be the final cut. We get hot guys with guitars
rejected, country chicks that impress Keith and a live action cartoon. That
apparently goes full on when we arrive in Charlotte next week.
Gordon: We come to watch up and coming singers and some good stories. The sad
thing is that Nicki is not bad when she decides to join us on the same plane of
existence we are on. We just don't see enough of that and too much of her trying
to out-diva Mariah Carey.
Chico: Like Fox sold us on Simon being the evil one, Fox is selling us on Nicki
being the crazy one.
Gordon: Crazy doesn't equate to good on a talent show. Evil = Good. Crazy = Bad.
Chico: And when Simon was evil, at least he had a reason to be. Nicki's just
being...well, a reality show ho. She was just there for the attention. I mean,
we all know she's still green in the industry. Why on earth would they hire her
if only for the cray cray?
Gordon: Because they need ratings and they thought this would be the best hire
to get the kiddie eyeballs. As we have said a lot for the past few months, this
is a bad strategy.
Chico: And I only see it getting worse. Let's hope I'm wrong. Because if this
continues, there's going to be a lot of soul searching at Fox come May.
Gordon: We knew this was going to be bad, Now we have seen how bad. It's not
good and I cringe at the live shows. I think Nicki was brought in to create a
'what will she do next' effect at the live shows, and I think this will backfire
severely. I think it will get worse and I think Idol is in trouble.
Chico: Let's go from losers to winner, shall we?
Chico: Remember the name Kristin Morgan. Four weeks when the ToC starts on
Jeopardy!, she's going to be in the action.
Gordon: As long as I don't see Nicki Minaj there, I'll be ok.
Chico: You'll be fine. She got up to five, nickel and dimed her way there, but
the fact still stands, she's a super champ. Now she's going to the dance.
Unfortunately she's stopped on the Wednesday show. Final?
Gordon: Show it to me
Chico: The category is... Recent Oscar Winners.
From 2008, it's the most recent film to win Best Picture & Best Song; the
lyrics are in a foreign language.
Chico: I got this easy
Gordon: Do tell
Chico: And if you're a game show fan, you should've gotten this easy too. It was
"What is Slumdog Millionaire?"
Gordon: Thats not what I had.
Chico: Tell me what you had?
Gordon: I had What is Catfish 2: The Ballad of Manti Te'o?
Gordon: Featuring the song 'My Harddrive Will Go On'
Chico: Believe it or not, that's in Brainvision later. :-)
Gordon: Sung by Celine Dion's younger cousin, Honey Dion.
Chico: Oh Honey. The game was Joan Blinn's to lose. And on Thursday, she lost
it. End result, we have a two-timer returning for three in Helen Juvonen, an
actress from Toronto.
Gordon: And she can act like a happy contestant.
Chico: I betcha she will. She's a real nerd. And that's what we love around
here. So imagine our giddiness at King of the Nerds.
Gordon: And imagine our sadness when we saw it air.
Chico: Heh. Seems like the most interesting characters are the contestants, but
other than that, it's nothing we haven't seen before.
Gordon: Well I have some major problems with this show, but tell me what you
Chico: I liked the players. They're quirky. They're Tuesday Night Trivia people.
So I can relate to that. That's all I could relate to. These geeks are all going
to be judged on their pop culture prowess and their intelligence. By a panel of
other nerds. Now here's a problem I have Let's say I'm a giant geek.
Gordon: You are a gigantic, game show playing bald geek.
Chico: Heh. If I wanted to test my pop culture prowess and intelligence, you
know what I play? Not this... I go on Jeopardy!. The judge in this case? The
scoreboard. I have more than you? I win. Should be that simple. It isn't. This
show is contrarian. We're essentially judging illogically subjective, even what
it means to be a nerd.
Gordon: And this is what I despise about the show. i thought we're supposed to
be learning about nerddom or demystifying ourselves on it. Are we? no. All we
are getting is social games played by nerds with some geek elements thrown in.
What is the first way to select who could be eliminated?
Chico: Whoever's the last one picked by a team. That's just horrible.
KING OF THE NERDS
TBS - 10p ET Thursdays
Gordon: This is Nerds playing Survivor. I want
nerds playing nerd stuff. And Chess? Come on. This isn't King of the Nerds. This
the Nerd who can play socially the best. If I wanted that, I'll watch Survivor.
In fact, I will and I'll skip this. D.
Chico: D is about right. It's basically like this... Redneck Island was Survivor
for rednecks. The Apprentice is Survivor for MBAs. This is Survivor for nerds.
Jason: This was a show with a lot of potential, but we have stereotypes galore
on this show. D.
Chico: ... Hey look! It's Jason Block!
Jason: Happy Birthday sir.
Chico: Thanks, Jason! :-) We were just about to talk about the Biggest Loser and
their ongoing fight against childhood obesity. (TM)
Jason: By exploiting children, I get it.
Gordon: So now we're spreading the...love?
Chico: Gordon, we haven't talked about Biggest Loser this season, have we?
Chico: What's the saying about the road to hell?
Jason: That the bricks are paved with good intentions.
Chico: Yeah, and nowhere was that evident more than this week.
Jason: Do tell
Chico: The overall theme of the show.. getting out, getting fit, more healthy
stuff, less junk, be the example. I get that. We do this by going through a pit
of bubble gum and putting losers in a temptation junk room with sweets, fast
food, video games, and a TV. And they stay there for four hours a day that week.
Jason: What is this...Zero Dark Thirty?
Chico: When they get out, they're all sluggish and not really feeling the burn
(and this is when they're not really doing anything!) Yes, I get it, you're
teaching us a lesson to turn off the TV and go outside. Keeping this up for two
hours at a time I guarantee you that won't be a problem.
Gordon: I understand the ideas, but this is much better as a one hour show, than
2 hours of padding and mindless prattle.
Gordon: This show, like Idol. seems to have lost it's way a bit.
Chico: And then there are the kids.
Gordon: I don't mind the kids, They aren't contestants and they are figureheads.
I'm actually ok with that
Chico: I get that we're going about this all for them, but it seems that there's
a disconnect. Like there are two different shows going on at the same time. We
have Extreme Junior Makeover on one end, and Biggest Loser proper on the other.
Jason: Age and complacency.
Chico: It's a show that both has focus in season 14... and is lacking focus in
season 14. That make any sense?
Gordon: They are adding superior icing to a cake that right now tastes like cold
Chico: And not even the crunchy oatmeal squares with the brown sugar filling. So
networks? Can we get with the program here? Because otherwise we're just gonna
have a talk show with Meredith Vieira to entertain us. See what I'm doing here
Jason: That's called a segue :)
Chico: We're good at those.
Gordon: Very. But before we go get Meredith Vieira tickets, let's see what
Millionaire had in store this week.
Chico: I wish we could say much, but the painful moment of the week came at a
Chico: Juliet Lindsay goes into Q2 with this question...
Q2) Games Overseas
A variation of the children’s board game known as Chutes and Ladders is popular
in England with the chutes replaced by what?
Jason: I think it was D.
Gordon: E. Veruca Salt's Golden Eggs.
Chico: Which are bad, by the way.
Jason: Damn. :)
Chico: What, they are. They're bad eggs, they go down the hole.
Gordon: You don't want to mess with her snakes either.
Chico: The less we hear about Veruca's snakes the better. D is right. Juliet
says C. Done in two.
Chico: On the other hand, you have a $100,000 question going to Gitta Neufeld on
The groundhog known as "Canada's answer to Punxsutawney Phil" goes by what
A: Wharton Willie
B: Fredericton Freddie
C: Parksville Pierre
D: Langford Louie
Chico: Gordon.... the CORRECT answer, please.
Gordon: You should give Jason a wet Willie. It's A. That's one of those you know
it or you don't.
Chico: It IS A. Gitta decides, she's happy with $53,100. I don't blame her.
Chances are if you were from Canada, you knew that. Hi, Don. Okay, running out
of time. Jason, now that you're here, you have the clock?
Jason: I do.
Chico: I'm ready for a Replay. Here. .... WE GO!
Chico: We're starting with Friday's Killer Karaoke, where Luke Campbell, a
teacher from Gillette, WY, has to get waxed to win his round. The song, "On the
Road Again" by the very hairy Willie Nelson. Meanwhile, the Final Showdown ends
up with Baby Got Back... and Luke is on his back with $7700. Big winner on Wheel
is Christina Morehouse of Houston, who takes $40,510... and she's not even done
yet. The phrase that pays:
B _ _ S T / _ _ / E G _
Jason: BOOST MY EGO :)
Chico: Give the lady ANOTHER $35,000! If my math is right, that's $75,510
Jason: Including a car
Chico: While we're on cars, Car Pong is just hard to win on LMAD.
Gordon: But it was won this week and with $750 extra.
Chico: Yes, by an Air Force milkshake named Bobby.
Gordon: He wins - then gives the car BACK for the Big Deal - and he wins that!
Chico: CRAZY! Nurses invade TPIR on Thursday. Just gonna save this... 0-5-1 for
the nurses. At least Jason Denton wins a hot tub, a trip to Buffalo, a sportboat,
and wakeboard equipment.
Gordon: Ouch. Total Blackout - not as crazy, but crazy good for the Laurens, who
win it. Kristen is sad because she gets knocked out of Top Chef - but she wins
last chance kitchen, knocking out CJ - BUT he is saved by the Bravo voters for
Chico: That's cool. Also cool, Anthony Ryan, who wins Project Runway All-Stars.
But the play of the week comes courtesy of The Chase in the UK. Larry plays for
L60,000 all by his lonesome, which would make him the biggest single winner in
Chase history. the only thing standing in his way... the Beast. It comes down to
the final question... all I can say is... just watch.
Chico: It's a thrilling finish.
Gordon: It's why we love this show.
Chico: Just saying. Larry is your Player of the Week, and That... is a Replay.
Jason: STOP THE CLOCK.
Chico: Good Replay, guys. Good Replay.
Gordon: That was fun, I think the hamsters just want me to throw it to
Brainvision. They are panting.
Chico: They did some running.
Gordon: Cheeseball has rolled over on his stomach, complaining of cramps.
Jason: They are thirsty
Gordon: Jay, go give them water.
Jason: Filling the water bottles
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks, Doug. First up, I need an Opening Night Hockey Stick
Gordon: (Gives Chico a broken hockey stick)
Jason: Game used?
Gordon: Game used.
Chico: Actually, after the Panthers scored on the Canes 5-0 in the first period.
I was a little angry.
Jason: I bet.
Feud. Steve Harvey. 5.1. SERIES HIGH.
Jason: Nuclear Hot.
Gordon: That's a great number.
Chico: That is an awesome number.
Jason: You aint kidding.
Chico: And still with two years left on the current contract. And well deserved,
I see this one going beyond 2015.
Jason: Back up the money truck
Chico: If I'm Fremantle, I'd capitalize by pairing the show up.
Gordon: and pull up DATEBOOK
Chico: Yes. Why is Anthony Bourdain on your calendar?
Taste and The Ultimate Fighter show up Tuesday January 22nd. 2 days later we get
Season 11 of Project Runway
Chico: Ah. So we have layer cake... beef cake.. and cheese cake! :-)
Chico: That's a lot of cake. I've got a cake in the shape of an iPad. Let's get
have two app-powered game shows this week. The first is a full-on app game show
called Braindex. You're basically matching wits against celebrities for prizes.
It's being fronted by a Kickstarter seed fund from Endemol, if you'll believe
Gordon: I like the concept
Jason: Very cool
Chico: The stars to be featured: Mike Tyson, La La Anthony, Jason Mewes, Jenni
Pulos, Andy Milonakis, and Rick Moonen of Top Chef masters. That's down the
line. Also down the line, an app based TV game show in the UK.
Twenty Twenty is launching Take on the Nation for SkyOne, hosted by Sara Cox.
Chico: It's sort of like Let's Ask America... with eight questions.
Jason: Let's Ask the UK
Gordon: Also a smart idea.
Chico: Now for a not smart idea.
YOU Smarter than...Manti Te'o. For the obvious reasons.
Jason: Nuff said
Chico: I have another flip side of this.
Are YOU smarter than Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, who was behind the Manti Te'o
Chico: Turns out he auditioned for the Voice with a similar story... and now
that story, which didn't get him on the show, by the way, is being questioned.
Ronaiah... step away from the computer... Step away... Get a job...
Gordon: And now for the Haterade.
Jason: (puts down MUG)
Chico: Give me some.
Gordon: and this gets a weird zombie
for the Worst is shutting down after the season. It blames Nicki Minaj and the
16% ratings drop. I'll miss it.
Jason: Me too.
Chico: Me three. I have a quote here. This is from creator and editor Dave Della
"We're leaving before we get completely bored
with a show that really should've bowed out gracefully a few years ago."
Jason: You mean like now LOL
Chico: ... Yeah. Dave wants a vacation. Let's send him to have some tapas in
Jason: Where is he (and we) going?
formats house Phileas has inked a deal with Sony Pictures Television, which has
optioned French and Italian rights to its game show Sit Tight.
Chico: Basically a knockout quiz along the lines of Duel except with
considerably less Greeny.
Gordon: and less Ho-ey
Chico: (plays Luda)
In this week's media Ho Report, Ann Romney will NOT be on DWTS, Nick Lachey
and Steve O joins Betty White, Taylor Hicks goes to Vegas...Lisa Welchel does a
Tyler Perry joint, Kirk Franklin Joins the Family, and while Kim Kardashian
wants an annulment, mommy doesn't - so we're stuck with more Kardashians in the
Chico: It's the Kardashians. It's news if one of them takes a... well, you know.
Kara Dioguardi has a baby via surrogate, Khole Kardashian goes after the
media, and Sarrah Herron wants to kiss Sean Lowe.
Chico: ... Really, Gordon?
Gordon: Really. But none of them are the hoes of the week.
Gordon: Co-hoes. The first one is Octomom, who is doing ANOTHER naked spread.
Gordon: The second one is Nicki Minaj. Not for going nutso on Idol, but for
going nutso in a restaurant as she brings in a bottle of steak sauce. So the
steak sauce company has now given her free steak sauce for life.
Chico: I don't want to live on this universe anymore.
Gordon: Higher planes of consciousness. And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Jason, please.
Jason: Shutting down
Chico: Still to come on the show, you won't believe the things they put on
YouTube, but first...*puts on papaya hat and lab jacket*.... The Doctor will see
Jason: Oh wow.
Gordon: but first, we get LOUD!!!!!!11111, You're reading WLTI. You give us 22
minutes and we'll give you 22 things you can do with a Nicki Minaj CD.
Jason: A Coaster
Gordon: A frisbee, new way to torture prisoners of war...
Chico: Target for NRA Members
Jason: Earlobe Stretcher?
Gordon: If you were dumbo the elephant, sure.
(BrainVision has been brought to you by The Bachelor: Manti Te'o. 25
characters have a chance to date him. Does he want S1mone? What about Lara
Croft? Or will he be tempted by Cyberlucy?)