Round of 2:
The Coronation Round
Chico: So here's the deal... We start with
thousands... Then whittle it down to hundreds...Then we come down to
36. Then 13... And finally, TWO.
Jason: The man from Conway, Arkansas...
Chico: The acoustic rocker with the soulful voice.
Jason: vs. The man from San Diego.
Chico: The glam rocker with the bombastic show. Two great artists with
great futures ahead of them. But in the end, there can only be one
American Idol. And America... you've waited LONG ENOUGH.
Jason: But we will have to wait two more hours.
Chico: This is true. So... fill. And lots of it. I've brought my
special "finale" hat for the occasion. It says "SLIM" on it. "Support
Local and Independent Music"
Jason: There you go.
Chico: So Don... I couldn't ask you yesterday. Who should and will win
Don: Should... I'd have to say Adam. I felt that he had been the
better singer for the most part through the competition. Will... I've
actually gone back and forth on that one since last night. But I have
a bit of a feeling that Kris' voting contingent may have been doing
more than Adam's, so I'm thinking it'll be Kris in an upset. But
personally, I'm hoping I'll be wrong with that.
Chico: Cool. Well, let me tell you. Even now, it's anyone's game. It's
still too close to call.
Jason: Big time close.
Chico: This should make for a heck of a final... even though the great
majority of the season didn't do it for me.
Jason: This season for lack of a better word...meh.
Chico: That sounds about right.
Jason: Flashes of brilliance...with a lot of good.
Chico: Oh yeah. And then there was the "OMGWTFBBQAOL" that was Norman
Gentle and Tatiana Del Toro.
Don: Please don't remind me...
Chico: My guess is that we'll never go to San Francisco again. Heh.
Jason: Or Puerto Rico
Chico: Okay, we're 3 minutes from a finale.
Jason: Here we go.
Chico: Stand by and enjoy yourselves. Remember... It's a celebration,
bitches. And for the last time this season... It's SHOWTIME!
Jason: Here we go.
Chico: The man from Conway vs. the man from San Diego... Who's going
to take it all tonight?
Jason: They look Backstreet Boys from 2000.
Chico: And in the glow of Hollywood elite and Idols past and
present... we crown the newest winner... in a couple of hours. Just under 100 million votes tonight...
Don: Holy moley...
Chico: That puts the season total at a record-setting 624 million. One
more time for the judges, Mr. For Me... For You... For Me... Randy
Jason: And what's up with the tux?
Chico: I don't know...
Don: Makes him look rather different than usual.
Chico: Then there's the lady I've referred to lovingly over the season as ...
Green Ranger, Kara dioGuardi.
Jason: Kara is now sweetieing it up.
Chico: She knows how to dress up bad news. Paula Abdul this year...
has been using a thesaurus.
Jason: Can I call Paula a cunning linguist?
Don: Sure, why not? :P
Chico: And finally... Simon Cowell... with a hearing problem. But
really, tonight is all about Kris Allen... and Adam Lambert.
Chico: Kris says it was really emotional...
Jason: A little mic problems
Chico: Adam's nervous and excited. Going live to Conway, AR with
Chico: And the town is all abuzz. Literally a block away from Kris'
Jason: Kids and microphones.
Chico: Next, down the 405 to San Diego and Carly Smithson. Hometown
girl. Heh. First up, a number from the top 13 with Pink's "So What".
Jason: This is TOUR REHEARSAL
Chico: Yep. I feel for Scott, though.
Chico: I have no idea how he's going to do on stage.
Jason: From what I see...not so good. That was fun.
Jason: I said fun...I didn't say FUN.
Chico: Sorry... they say it's contagious. We now have a former
bartender from KC who will be ceding his title tonight..
Jason: We are back with Permanent from David Cook
Chico: That's the name of the song, folks... "Permanent". The man who
made the vest cool again. Good stuff. Might just get the CD now.
Don: That was cool.
Chico: This song was dedicated to his brother who passed away from
cancer, and the proceeds from it on iTunes will go to ABCsquared that
helps find a cure for cancer.
Jason: Very cool.
Chico: Oh dear. The podium's out.
Jason: Oh no.
Don: Oh, boy...
Chico: The Golden Idol Awards are back.
Jason: With Kris and Adam Spinning it.
Chico: First for Outstanding Male...
- Wil Kunick... for his performance of "Mad World"
Jason: And looked up.
- Michael Gurr, for... I don't know what the hell this is.
Jason: Michael Gurr was incomprehensible.
Don: I'm not sure if I want to know what that is.
Chico: But he looks like he's constipated.
- Elijah Scarlett for "You're My First, My Last, My Everything"
Jason: Elijah Scarlett with a low voice like last year.
- Dean-Anthony Bradford, for.... seizing.
Jason: Dean Anthony Bradford with a jacket from Monty Hall jackets.
- Nick Mitchell... aka Norman Gentle.
Jason: I think we have a winner.
Don: Oh, geez...
Chico: Turned this farce into an even bigger farce. I'm so glad Gordon
doesn't have to see this. And the winner is... NICK MITCHELL!
Don: Of course.
Chico: Oh dear. He thinks this is real.
Jason: Oh no!
Don: Not prepared, eh?
Chico: He fumbles through a speech, then strips to his
trademark shiny shirt and short shorts. No, this wasn't staged... Not at all!
Jason: Of course lol
Chico: Come on!
Don: I'm turning the volume down.
Chico: For the record... I AM laughing at him. "I want that perch.
That is power."
Jason: Not with him. And Ryan wears the Headband.
Chico: And the glasses. Next, two people with MORE talent..
Don: Okay, this sounds like a reason to turn the volume back up.
Chico: "Cue the Rain" with Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah. Dream Duet
Jason: This is MUCH BETTER.
Chico: Yes. See, if she sang like that, she would've had a better
Jason: This is her new single. The Queen that is. From her new album
Persona...dropping July 7.
Jason: She needs to sell sell sell
Chico: Next is Noop-Dawg... with "I'm Yours"... and Alexis Grace...
And Jason Mraz.
Jason: Love this song.
Chico: So this would be Dream Duet #2.
Jason: Dream group sing
Don: Nice song.
Chico: Okay... Who wants Kris to win! ME! Here's his story... It all
started with a 23-year-old student from Arkansas who made his way to
Louisville. The words "Dark horse" were thrown about like so many
Kentucky Mint Juleps. The dream that started way back when is well
within his reach. But right now, here he is with Keith Urban.
Jason: Dream Duet #3---
Chico: The song, "Kiss a Girl". Oh, Mary Murphy... How I've missed
you. Back on finale night.. And the Idolers are back with "Glamorous"
Chico: Notice... only five women. Five... out of 13. And already we
know why they all failed. Thank you, Megan. Oh, did someone say Fergie?
There she is now! Dream Duet #4 is "Big Girls Don't Cry".
Jason: And we have the Black Eyed Peas doing Boom Boom Pow.
Don: Okay, THAT I didn't expect.
Chico: That's what we call in the business a "segue". And we have a
"globe of death" moment.
Jason: what was that?
Don: Technical difficulties?
Chico: My guess is something was inflammatory. See, when Fox did the
Emmys, they cut to this spinning globe and cut out audio when there
was something that the censors would flag. They called it the "Censor
Ball" or the "Globe of Death".
Uh yeah. Some naughty lyrics
Chico: They just did it with the Idol spinny thing graphic. You sucked
as Johnny Wraith, will.i.am. Golden Idol #2... the Best Attitude...
Don: This should be interesting.
- Katrina "Bikini Girl" Darrell, "Bikini Girl vs. Green Ranger"
- Alexis Cohen in "Return of That Chick From Season 7"
- Tiffany Shedd in ... "22 Horses and a Donkey Over Louisville"
Chico: And the award goes to... please let there be a god... KATRINA
Jason: WHOO HOO!
Chico: She comes out in a bikini and... I think she had work done.
Chico: What'd he say?
Jason: I would ask what's new...
Jason: But I think we already know.
Chico: The left one or the right one?
Chico: Are they paid for yet? She takes the stage with "Vision of
Jason: I would love Mariah to show up
Chico: ... would you settle for a judge?
Don: Sure, why not?
Jason: Hell yeah. Give it to em Kara.
Chico: Kick her ass!
Jason: In a bikini!
Chico: This would be MY dream duet right here. What just happened...
was Kara started out in a dress... and then flashed a bikini of her
own. Replay! The Chairman wants replay!
Jason: And her flash gets money for charity.
Chico: After that I don't even care who wins. I FREAKING WON.
Jason: Time After Time with Cyndi Lauper/Alison Iraheta
Chico: Dream Duet #5. Okay that was weird.
Jason: No this was GOOD. Single worthy good.
Chico: The parents call this a great day with two phenomenal artists.
That'd be Kris' parents. Over with Adam's family... They're proud of
both of them... And they're nervous. Danny Gokey takes the stage now
with "Hello"... I'm guessing Dream Duet #6...
Chico: And ... there he is... Lionel Richie.
Jason: The name is the song is Just Go --
Don: I like this.
Jason: He duets with Akon on it usually.
Chico: nice. That transitions to "All Night Long"
Jason: BTW,...did you know Lionel Richie's new CD "Just Go" is out
Chico: No, I didn't! But thanks for telling me!
Jason: We plug the tour and I tunes..
Chico: NOW... Who wants Adam Lambert to win! We go to the Adam Lambert
story, as he details his mission... take a song we've all heard
before... and mix it up. He has... one performance as a time. People
have always said, it's his to lose... The question now... is it? He
dons his best Edward Scissorhands garb for... umm.. title, J?
Jason: Beth from Kiss? No way?
Chico: I think I know what's coming. Dream Duet #7... And on cue...
Chico: Who arguably have more guyliner on than Adam at the moment.
Jason: They duet on Detroit Rock City and Rock and Roll all Night
Chico: I want that axe, Gene. That is power.
Jason: Hell yeah!
Chico: *gives the beast sign*
Don: That absolutely rocked! Big time!
Jason: That kicked ASS.
Chico: Yeah! Blow (^_^) up! Now, a guitar legend... Carlos Santana!
Chico: I wonder who's singing with him. "Black Magic Woman", the song.
Jason: Matt Giraud.
Chico: Dream Duet #8. Segueing into "Smooth" with the rest of the cast.
30 minutes from results.. Right now, it's the final Ford video. The
song: "I Will Remember You". Next, David Cook has a surprise for Kris
and Adam. Both of them are getting 2010 Ford Fusions.
Chico: And they match. Next... Dream Duet #9: Megan Joy, Michael
Sarver... and Steve Martin.... wait, really? Oh dear.
Jason: He has a new album called The Crow: New Songs for the 5 String
Banjo. Out yesterday.
Chico: Again... CD whore. I feel sorry for him... having to listen to
Chico: He hopes... he wins. Steve Martin, that is. Now, the men... "Do
You Think I'm Sexy" I'm guessing we're going to have DD#10 in a
moment. And there he is, Rod Stewart.
Chico: With another plaid jacket.
Chico: He... umm... he didn't bring his swagger with him.
Jason: ok... yipes
Chico: New CD this fall. Finally, Golden Idol #3... Outstanding
- Chelsea Marquardt with "Without You"...
- Irene Anguelova with "Over the Rainbow"
- Dana Moreno with ... oh, does it really matter?
Jason: I see the winner.
- Tatiana Nicole Del Toro with... giggling... And crying... And crazy.
But mostly crazy.
Don: ... Yeah.
Chico: Guess who wins THIS one. Oh, this is wonderful...
Don: Oh, boy...
Chico: Ryan's trying to throw it to break. Tatiana wants to sing... We
have security grabbing her... And she gets up and sings "Saving All My
Love For You" anyway. But eventually, yeah... they cut to break. I
don't know if that was set up or if that was real, but... Yeah.
"Simon, I know you want to hear this a fourth time." Actually... no,
he doesn't. Eight minutes until results. We have Dream Duet #11... the
final two with "We Are The Champions"... with Queen!
Jason: The surviving members
Chico: And the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? And a lot of smoke. And the
other 11 Idolers this season.
Jason: That. Was. Big.
Chico: Way big
Chico: Up next... Finally... RESULTS.
Chico: This is it...
Jason: Here we go!
Chico: Simon says... "You were both brilliant... Incredibly nice
people. Both of you should be very proud of what you achieved." Edward
Bottington from Telescope has The Envelope.. The votes have been
tallied, all 100 million of them. The count is certified... The result
is official. Ryan Seacrest, it is yours.
"After the nationwide vote of nearly 100 million, the winner of
American Idol 2009... is........ KRIS ALLEN!"
Jason: Say what?
Chico: UNBELIEVABLE! THE UPSET VOTE!
Don: Just... WOW!
Chico: to paraphrase Block... WOW! He gets the trophy, the
contract, the title, and the bragging rights.
Jason: May I paraphrase Gordon here?
Chico: Go ahead, J.
Jason: The reason why he won, Danny's vote went to Kris. Adam didn't
expand his vote.
Chico: There you go. Simple.
Jason: But honestly. I will say this. Adam will have the bigger
career, bar none.
Chico: Thanks to the judges and the band.. And now, taking the stage
for the first time as American Idol with "No Boundaries".... Kris
Allen! Okay, final thoughts, Don?
Don: The season as a whole was not exactly as interesting as last
year, but there were some great moments. And one way or another, I'll
be looking forward to next year.
Chico: Thanks as always, Don. Jason Block. Final thoughts.
Jason: America got it wrong this year I think. This year was a letdown
for me. Season 7 spoiled me.
Chico: Alrighty. Jason, as always, a pleasure... Gordon, if you're out
there... Final thoughts...
Gordon: Sorry I could not be there tonight, but the vote is all about
the fan base. I thought Adam was the underdog going in and he had to
grab Danny's fan base. I didn't think he did last night, so that's why
Kris won it. I thought the season was ok, but I expected more. We had
a bunch of 'good' singers, but no 'great' ones like we had in the
past. It was still a fun season to watch though. Special thanks to the
audience, for reading the recaps and going on this journey with us.
And Jason, I can't wait for the now TWO sushi dinners you owe me. :)
Jason: Thanks, G. :P
Chico: I personally believe that America couldn't really get it wrong
this week... Both have their strengths, and both are going on to do
bigger and better things (especially after this season, which lacked
the drama of last). Best of luck to both of them...
Chico: But it all goes to show you... It doesn't matter how you start
but how you finish.
Chico: Best of luck to Adam Lambert, once again, congratulations to
Kris Allen, the new American Idol... Folks... we're going to call it a
season. Congrats to the new Idol Pick'ems champion Grandma Pepper... I
humbly cede the belt over to you, you'll get it in about 3 weeks.
Jason: Can't wait till next year.
Chico: The team will be back together to do it all over again in
January. Until then.. for Don Harpwood, Jason Block, Grandma Pepper,
Gordon Pepper, and EVERYONE at GSNN... I've been Chico Alexander...
and for the last time this season... Don't forget to support your
local singers! GOOD NIGHT, AMERICA!
Jason: GOOD NIGHT!
Don: GOOD NIGHT!
footage from this episode, visit the
official website at