Gordon: Hello all, and welcome to the American
Idol Recap. Gordon Pepper and Chico Alexander present. Today the American Idol
touring bandwagon stops in San Francisco, and one of the West Coast stops.
Chico: Will these guys put the gold back in Golden State... or is it going to be
one... giant... earthquake?
Gordon: The City by the Bay. The city of famous steroid-using baseball players,
and the home of both Katharine McPhee and William Hung.
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - Cow Palace
Gordon: Does this mean that we'll be hearing music - or a cowcophany?
Chico: Ugh. Interesting thing about this audition. It brings the first audition
proposal AND marriage. Wow. First up, Tatiana del Toro (23; San Juan, PR;
Gordon: And both her dress and figure get a wow.
Chico: She's an assistant director... actress... singer... model..And apparently
has the backing of a psychic, who says she will make the Top 12. And she has one
heck of a giggle.
Gordon: The constant laughing in the montage makes me wonder if she gets into
the Top 147. And the montage of her giving a beauty pageant like spiel makes me
convinced that she needs a new psychic.
Chico: We start with gifts!
Gordon: Everyone likes gifts.
Gordon: She gives the judges pics of her - including naughty pics. Maybe her
psychic is Antonella Barba.
Chico: She sings some Aretha...Shouldn't've done that, Simon says.
Gordon: But hey, she sounds good.
Chico: Switching over to Whitney... "I'm Your Baby Tonight"
Gordon: That...didn't sound as good.
Chico: And apparently, she's trying to copy big voice.
Gordon: Simon is right on one thing - she's trying to emulate the voice, and not
singing her own voice.
Chico: She'd probably be better if she did have her own big voice. Randy says
Gordon: Kara says yes, which makes Tatiana plead some more.
Chico: Simon... says yes. She's THROUGH TO HOLLYWOOD.
Gordon: They allow her to go through, and...could the psychic be right?
Chico: Yes. After all, she said that she'd get through to Hollywood. The rest,
I'm afraid, is on her own.
Gordon: No no no. Psychic said Top 12.
Chico: Ah. Right.
Gordon: So the jury is out right now..
Chico: And we have a chicken on the line.
Gordon: We have fashion statements. Some good, most of them bad. And we have a
bad beatbox singer and a brutal lame rendition of Starship's We Built This City.
Chico: Nick Reed... Jiain Yu... both don't make it.
Gordon: Dean Anthony Bradford (27; failed entrepreneur from Pasadena, CA) thinks
the Jacket will get him in. It will definitely draw attention away from his
Chico: Talk about dramatic.
Gordon: Dean sings 'Stars' by Simply Red
Chico: That jacket is one couch I want to put out to the curb.
Gordon: He has a voice. Too bad it's not remotely in tune. Simon goes after the
coat and the hair color, which matches the suit.
Chico: They want to know what's underneath the coat. I'm not sure we do....
Gordon: Despite Dean showing his complete wardrobe, the judges no him off the
Chico: Next is Jesus Valenzuela (29; North Highlands, CA), a family man. He was
sent here by... his kids. They all think he has what it takes. He's a fleet
Gordon: The family comes with placards and signs. Yuck.
Chico: He sings "Nice & Slow"
Gordon: The voice is not good.
Chico: ... about two bars of it. It's not terrible.
Gordon: He has an interesting voice, but no tone.
Chico: The girls like him.
Gordon: And he pleads that his family is outside, waiting for him.
Chico: And oh dear... the family is ushered into the audition room. He sings one
to his kids... "Unchained Melody" Good choice. Of course the kids want him to
Gordon: Simon says that Paula said no (which she didn't) and Simon tells him to
sing another song. Se we get the completely overused Unchained Melodies'
Chico: Paula, Kara, and Randy all say yes... "I'm not going to make these kids
sad..." What do you want to bet that he gets kicked out in Hollywood Week?
Gordon: Nothing, because I agree with you. And we say AwwwwwwwwBARF
Chico: Next up, fun with a Rubik's cube and Dalton Powell (18; Manteca, CA;
Gordon: Hi Rubik's cube. Dalton needs more energy and needs to be less on the
Chico: Let's see how he does with "Ooh, Baby Baby" by Smokey. How can I put
this... he's a wimp. He's a pushover. He's too much in the head and not enough
power behind it.
Gordon: I think the baby needs to be thrown out with the bathwater.
Chico: He says he hasn't sung... NO, REALLY?
Gordon: At least Simon keeps it interesting.
Chico: Next, ballroom dancer James Smith... cooks an unintelligible song.
Gordon: We have singers crooning to Paula...with bad results.
Chico: Hey Gordon!
Gordon: Yyyyyyes Chico.
Chico: Did you know 1967 was the Summer of Love in San Francisco?
Gordon: You couldn't tell in the Idol judging room, with the men and women
arguing against each other. More specifically, Kara Vs. Simon.
Chico: So how would that bode for a woman who learned how to sing through...
well, science? Anatomy, mostly?
Gordon: Yes, but if she wants to memorize all these things, why is she doing it
now and not the months and months before the audition. The fact that she calls
Randy by the name of 'Simon'...concerns me. So I'm not sure how much homework
she actually did. I'd like to point out that people who have brought their own
songbooks so far this season...zero for the world.
Chico: Akilah-Aquel Gholston (26; Oakland; songwriter), the song of choice...
"Natural Woman"... She hit a rough patch there.
Gordon: She starts good, but gets VERY pitchy. She sings 'You Make Me Feel Like
a Natural Woman' and the tones are very unnatural.
Chico: She demonstrates the anatomy of a good singer... or the knowledge... or
the anatomy... of a good singer.
Gordon: She wants another chance. The more she talks, the deeper of a hole she
Chico: She says that Simon's one of the best producers, Kara's one of the best
singers, and Paula had a hit in the early 80s. Stick around, because we're going
to break down everything that's wrong with that statement. needless to say...
Hollywood doesn't happen.
Gordon: Paula is going to come across the table to give Akilah a hug. Akilah
doesn't want as much of a hug as she wants a second chance. The problem, Akilah,
is that no one gets a second chance - yourself included.
Chico: So... do you understand ANY of what she's saying?
Gordon: Kara yells at Simon for letting her ramble on and on for not stopping
her. In Simon's defense, it would be really hard to stop her rambling, period.
Hey Chico, Can I have a Big Bored please?
Akila and the Audition...
- 1) She Sang Badly
- 2) She sang one of her songs
- 3) Paula was early 90s
- 4) Completely unintelligible
Gordon: Subject: Everything Akilah did wrong in
her audition. #1. She sang badly. #2. She sang one of her songs. #3....Tell us
what was wrgon with her phrase, Chico.
Chico: That phrase... a) completely unintelligible...b) Paula was early 90s, not
early 80s...and c) Kara only sang on the side. She's mostly a songwriter. She's
a good singer, but she's a better songwriter.
Gordon: And singers who bring their own songwriting materials...STILL zero for
the world. Akilah admits that it wasn't her best audition. She's still not
convinced that she's done with the show. You're done. Go away.
Chico: We have a run of gold with John Twiford (27; Sherman Oaks; music
teacher)... and Alison Iraheta (16; LA, CA; highschool student).... and Raquel
Houghton (28; LA, CA; waitress/bartender)...What about proud local Annie
Chico: She goes with Bonnie Raitt's... ummm... uh... "Summertime".... which
isn't by Bonnie Raitt.
Chico: She shouts it. Simon says it sounded like she was drunk. Bye Annie.
Gordon: She had a good voice. She just massively oversang
Chico: Adam Lambert (26; LA; musical theatre) is next... He sang in musical
theatre for a while, because he was hyperactive. He sings "Bohemian Rhapsody" by
Queen...Pretty good... great combination of purity and grit.
Gordon: And he doesn't oversing it. He shows good vocal and volume control.
Chico: But Simon says he's theatrical.
Gordon: He is, but theatrical isn't awful and let's see if he can do anything
Chico: We have a sweep and Adam's THROUGH TO HOLLYWOOD!
Gordon: Paula says he's the best she's seen in any city. I'll disagree there,
but he definitely seems like Top 36 material.
Chico: I wouldn't be surprised if he made top 12. But that's just me. We're down
to the last audition... Kai Kalama (26; San Clemente, CA, musician)...By night,
he's a musician. By day, he takes care of his mother, who had overcome a seizure
disorder. It's changed both of their lives. I can totally relate to this
person's story, because I had to put my life on the backburner for my mom...He's
doing this all for her. He sings "Smoke Gets in You Eyes"
Gordon: Really out of pitch, but there's too much of a sob story for him to not
Chico: I don't know if it's THAT much out of pitch...But he doesn't have any
Gordon: He's not good.
Chico: Simon says he has the personality of a ship singer. Kara says yes... for
now. Randy and Simon agree.
Gordon: Kara and Simon get into an argument, and then Simon wants him to watch
him - for confidence
Chico: Of course...But hey, we end on a high note. And with him, 11 others...On
the way to Hollywood. Next time, AI descends upon Louisville, KY... Looeyville...
Looahville.... Lurlville...However you pronounce it, it can only mean one
thing.. Getting lucky in Kentucky.
Gordon: We'll see who gets to hit the triple crown and who will sound like a
horse as we check out Idol tomorrow.