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May 15, 2006
Chico: Official sponsors of Shaolin Soccer. No... not really.
Rob: Good movie though.
Chico: Oh yeah. Totally.
Gordon: We are back from...shall we say...Orientation?
Rob: Sure.
Chico: And after that joke, I think I want to see the doctor.
Gordon: Hello, Dr. Chico.
Jason: Oh wow.
Chico: The doctor is in answering all your game show related
advice...Who has a question for the doctor?
Jason: I do!
Chico: Block has a question for the doctor? Fire when ready...
Dear Dr. Chico:
After this week, my feelings have been hurt. People say that I am
manipulating the results for my own gain. I don't want any investigations or
inquiries. What should I do?
Signed A Fallen Idol |
Chico: I think so... Well, Mr. Fallen...
This sort of thing is privy when you are the victim of your own success. Would
it help if I said that it wasn't your fault? Because it isn't. American Idol is
just that... a poll... and the nature of a poll is the same of elections. With
split votes across gender/genre lines, someone is going to get hurt. So don't
feel bad. Because the naysayers have called foul before.... but they always came
back. Think about that. Does that help?
Jason: Thank you Doctor.
Chico: Next letter?
Rob: I got one.
Chico: Mr. S? Your letter, please.
Dear Dr. Chico:
Just last night, my show was bumped for reruns of Millionaire.
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Chico: I was waiting for this :)
Dear Dr. Chico:
I know my show isn't the best show on the network, but we do offer some nice
play-at-home features and give away some nice pocket change. I am wondering
why my show is not liked and what can we do to fix it.
Signed, Not feeling peachy anymore. |
Gordon: Would you say that the peach is a
little overly ripe, Dr. Chico?
Chico: Squishy. Well, this is rather difficult, because live television
is incredibly hard to manage, but the fact that GSN is investing in a search for
your next good friend is promising. But dont' forget, they said the same think
about the pool hall at Tribune, and that closed up shop early. My suggestion...
Keep doing the show... and let whatever happen happen. Because
eventually... it's going to happen, and it's better to be ready for it than to
just be surprised. After all, look what happened to Danny Bonnaduce. Once the
Partridge Family was gone... forgetabout it. To all of you... Eat your Peacheys
before they go sour. Heavy cling can only do so much. Does that help?
Rob: Thanks Dr. You are now an official Playmaniac.
Chico: Please don't say that. Next letter?
Gordon: I have one for the Doctor
Chico: Hit me.
Dear Dr. Chico:
Look at all of these game shows going to be on the air soon. Why am I not
invited to the party?
Signed, Super Millionaire |
Chico: There's no easy way to say this...
ABC doesn't care about you anymore. It cares about suburban housewives and
deserted islands, and, beyond all logic, some guy named Mike Fleiss. All of
which proved to be humbled this season. People SHOULD care about you. But it's
obvious that ABC doesn't. I would run from that relationship. I'm sure someone
with your class and demeanor will find solace in another lover's arms.
Gordon: What lover do you suggest?
Chico: Hey, why not NBC? They're hot up for game product...And hey, you
already have Regis... Why not? Tear him away from Simon Cowell... Money in the
bank.
Jason: I have another letter!
Chico: Go for it, Block.
Dear Dr. Chico:
As an all-American game show concept. I am upset at all the immigration that
has been happening. Why is that all these foreigners are invading our shores
when we need some good old patriotism here. And I am not talking about those
retreads either. What do we do about it?
Signed, Uncle Sam. |
Chico: America is a proud nation of
immigrants. Millionaire... immigrant. Weakest Link... immigrant. Survivor...
Immigrant. American Idol... Immigrant. So what do we do? We open our hearts. Our
arms. Our minds. Our eyes. And we see...some of them are actually of great worth
to this great gamescape. And besides, our exports built great dynasties
overseas. I could go on for days about Australia, but... you get the point.
Immigration is good. It builds our little hunk of the world up and gives us
something to talk about... Besides, would you want to live in a world without
Dancing with the Stars? I.... think not. Hope that helps.
Jason: Something to think about.
Chico: Yes it is. Next letter?
Rob: I got one.
Chico: K
Dear Dr. Chico:
My ratings have been taking a turn for the worse since we did a failed
family version. Afterwards we've been bounced around from timeslot to
timeslot and have been hammered by this upstart with briefcases. What can we
do to help stop the bleeding?
Signed, Not quite as amazing. |
Chico: Only one real answer... Lobby to
your father about your time slot. You were doing well. You were doing damn well.
Then the President comes and takes your timeslot away. The only way back to the
limelight is revolution. Final letter?
Gordon: I got it.
Dear Dr. Chico:
I have a nice new shiny studio all ready to create low budget alternative
entertainment. I was thinking about a reality show chronicalling the life of
Trista Rehn. What do you think?
Signed, Flashy Fleiss |
Chico: ... *wads up letter and throws over
shoulder* That's it for the doctor..
Gordon: Not even a 'You Suck Get Out' to Mr. Fleiss?
Chico: Not worth it. But if I must... *turns on vacuum*... I think you
get the picture. That's Ask the Doctor. What's Next, Gordon?
Gordon: Next up, we have...a new game! oooohhhh.
Chico: Ooooooh...
Jason: Alright!
Rob: YAY!
Gordon: Right after we take off the papaya ca...wait a sec. Chico doesn't
need the Papaya Cap.
Chico: Naw, man... Me and Howie are bald & sexy =p
Gordon: I'll give you the bald part
Chico: Breaktime! :)
(Brought to you by Deal or No Deal...The Musical! Join Howie Mandel and the
Rockettes as the Suitcase Sweethearts as they sing such songs as What's in the
Case, You Could be a Millionaire, and the 5 dollar blues! That's Deal or No
Deal, the Musical, at the Ohio University Campus this weekend!)
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