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Because fandom is NOT a spectator sport...

Today is

March 6, 2005

Chico: Yo, I'm Chico Alexander, and like three of the 26 case ladies, I have a MySpace account that shows way too much.
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and...did you know Chico, that Jason Block and myself have just added a new lexicon into the game show language?
Chico: What's that?
Gordon: Well, you know someone who wipes out on Millionaire is a Llama, right?
Chico: Right
Jason B: And you know that the 26 ladies on DonD have beautiful cases with them.
Chico: Yep... and at least two have Myspace accounts :)
Gordon: Chico. Mind. Gutter. Soooo, Jason, tell Chico what happens to someone who wipes out on Deal or No Deal.
Jason B: If they get a bad deal...they get potato sacked.
Ryan: rotfl
Chico: Potato sacked?
Gordon: That's around as bad of a case as you can get. You ever have a potato sack?
Chico: Yeah, but it usually has potatoes in it...
Jason B: Try it - it's empty, its rough, it's nasty and has no use. Just like certain AI contestants.
Chico: Ouch. But we'll get to that later. Right now... from somewhere in America... the Klaussie's Birthday edition of WLTI... is... ON! Lot of stuff to go over, but first, the introduction of today's gallery. First of all, Jason Block... Duke or UNC?
Jason B: Sorry...got to with Duke on Senior Night.(ducks)
Chico: You suck. Ryan Vickers?
Ryan: Deal!
Chico: .. Close enough. JD Hernandez?
Jason H: .......no, don't make me choose. :-p
Chico: I'm making you choose. :)
Jason H. : Uhhh...The Clippers.
Jason B : The Clippers!
Chico: YAY! Gordon?
Gordon: Pardon me Chico. Doorbell (Goes to the Door and picks up his breakfast from Kentucky Fried Tarheels) What was the question, Chico?
Chico: The question... have you ever had a nosejob, G?
Gordon: No, but I saw a lady get jobbed by only winning $5 on the returning Deal or No Deal.
Chico: Ah... *whaps Gordon on the nose* :-p
Gordon: Ow!
Chico: And finally, Mr. Birthday boy, Mike Klauss.
Mike: I'm going off the board and taking Wake Forest for $50, Jack.
Chico: Wake Forest for $50... Okay!
Jason H: Go shorty, it's your birthday, we're gonna party like it's your birthday....!
Jason B: Go on sip Bacardi like it's your birthday
Gordon: Fortunately, we only get to hear bad rapping from the Jasons 3 or 4 times a year.
Chico: Yikes. But back to getting jobbed... Jobbed, Gordon, where'd that come from?
Gordon: Well, just trying to get a nice word sequitir going. Seriously, we've seen some great play on the returning Deal or No Deal, as someone walks off with over $407,000. On the other side of the spectrum, we get...$5.
Chico: The end result... did surprisingly well. People, it looks like, were waiting for this to come back.
Jason B: I watched 3 episodes this week. As I was speaking to Gordon in the green room, it looked like the producers read our criticisms and took them all and used them. And if any of those producers are reading this....thank you.
Gordon: It did seem like they read this and listened. There were no bad cuts, the audio editing was spot on, and they gave a lot of personality to both the models and the banker. I was even expecting the Banker to do the butt dance on Friday's episode. You don't hear this a lot from me, but the week of DOND was a job well done.
Jason H: I agree. Howie did an amazing job hosting, didn't rush to commercial breaks, and really mixed it up at times.
Jason B: It was a different Howie and he was loose, relaxed and had a lot of fun.
Ryan: I would just like to see something more than Open The Case and the hand pointing for case openings, for example - otherwise I enjoyed the week.
Chico: It was like he knew the show as doing well, and then just cut loose from that.
Jason H: Yep. The ONLY thing that annoyed me about this week...
Jason B: Uh oh...
Jason H: ....was the choir!
Chico: Rut roh..
Jason H: Agh!
Chico: Oh god...
Mike: NO DEAL! *clap* NO DEAL! *clap*
Chico: That was superfluous if I ever saw it.
Jason H: It was like nails to a chalkboard! I knew what was going to happen, too.
Chico: Cheryl was going to crap out?
Jason H: yup
Gordon: I liked the choir. I sort of wanted them to sing a funeral dirge when Cheryl wiped out.
Chico: To wit, Cheryl Jackson was the one with the choir singing 'No Deal!' and then... she got what she held onto... a fiver.
Jason B: It will probably cost more to produce the $5 check.
Gordon: And $5 is JUST enough to buy...a Potato Sack!
Jason B: With the potatoes inside. She got sacked.
Mike: How long until we see that $5 check on eBay?
Gordon: Until she can get a good Deal (or No Deal) on it =).
Chico: I don't know... any Barker's Dollars on eBay yet?
Ryan: I am still puzzled when contestants have only one big number on the board and other SIGNIFICANTLY lower numbers that they insist on playing on.
Jason B: Because the odds are still in your favor.
Ryan: I find it hard to watch, knowing perfectly well that they're going to probably lose.
Ryan: Still though.  I can take $80,000 guaranteed or gamble it for a one in three chance of a $1 bill
Gordon: To quote the Sherlock Holmes Whammy, 'Elementary my dear Fang, it was GREED that got him...or in this case her. It also did the Butt Dance on the last episode, where a $70,000+ Deal turned into a mediocre $5,000.
Jason H: Yea, that was a heartbreaker. Well, he ran into some bad luck and never got an offer in the six-digits, si?
Gordon: True, but it's still an over $60,000 swing.
Chico: Conversely... we had one $1 million deal after the fact.
Jason B: Our big winner this week could have ran it to the end. But still she got $407,000.
Chico: Absolutely. Cindy Pridgen, $407,000 richer, but had she gone on, she would've left the board with only $75 and the $2 mill remaining, meaning that the banker would have offered... $1... million.
Jason H: OY!
Chico: The question.. would you have run it to the end if you had known that eventually the banker would offer you a million to go home?
Ryan: In theory, yes, in practice, no
Jason B: Honestly, I would have gone with the $692,000. That is a sackload of cash.
Ryan: Heck, I get tense playing my homemade version :)
Jason H: He he
Gordon: Well, the problem, like everything else, is that should she pull a Cheryl Jackson and find the 2 million, she would have been walking away with something far less than 6 figures. I would have done what she did. $407,000 is a lot of coin and I am not that greedy.
Chico: How much andouille sausage do you think $407,000 would buy?
Ryan: 12 pounds
Jason B: I don't know...but I think the Chairman's Nephew would.
Chico: Now you're on, J.
Jason B: And so would Flay, Cora, Batali and Morimoto.
Gordon: They have all probably used potato sacks.
Jason H: 9_9
Jason B: Allez Cuisine for a new season of Iron Chef America.
Chico: Last Sunday was the premiere of season 3 of Iron Chef, as it gets closer and closer to its Japanese version.
Jason B: How does it get closer?
Chico: First two seasons, the Chairman chose the IC to battle the challenger...This season, the challenger chooses.
Jason B: Ok.
Chico: Although I'd much rather see the stadium rebuilt to accommodate all four ICs at once. But again, that's just the hardcore IC fan in me.
Gordon: Do we keep the live audience?
Jason B: Yes
Chico: The  royal box, so far as I know, is still in place.
Jason B: And it does take place in NYC...and I have met Batali before. Maybe I can get into a taping :P
Chico: Perfect you'd bring up Batali, Jason... As he was the first in season 3 to battle. Unfortunately... he was also the first to lose.
Jason B: Over a chef who made Sausage Benignets.
Chico: Hey, would YOU vote against benignet?
Jason B: It is original. This Sunday is American Kobe Beef...it's porno for food guys like me.
Chico: Second in quality only to the Black Angus.
Jason H: .......I'm hungry
Chico: It's gonna be HOT.
Gordon: You think Paris Hilton has tried any Black Angus?
Chico: Wouldn't surprise me :)
Jason H: LOL
Jason B: Paris Hilton has tried all cuts.
Chico: And several of them made their way onto the internet.. ZING!
Jason H: HEYO!
Jason B: Not a one.
Gordon: Speaking of cuts, we cut the potential American Idols this past week from 20 to 16. Did the 4 eliminations in American Idol surprise you?
Chico: Nope. I called all four.
Gordon: It seems this year that personality has taken the back seat to musical talent so far - and that's a nice thing to see. Perhaps America will get it right this year.
Jason B: Brenna should have realized that cocky never wins.
Chico: Neither do safe performances, as Sway Penala found out...
Jason B: And David the Crooner was no John Stevens.
Chico: Ah, Sway, how you were safe, let me count the ways.... I'm going to need...
Jason B: A BIG BOARD.
Chico: *fist pump*
Jason B: Cue it up!
Gordon: Sway was one of your locks, wasn't he?
Chico: He WAS.... until Wednesday night.
Gordon: oopsie
Chico: Then he dropped off in favor of Gedeon and sentimental favorite Kevin.
Gordon: I told you Gedeon was a lock.
Chico: Yeah, yeah yeah...Anyhoo, Any prospective Idols would be wise to listen up. I'm about to impart wisdom...
Jason B: Sensei Chico...impart your Idol Wisdom.
Chico: Anywho... 'You know your performance is safe when...'


You Know Your Performance Is Safe When...

1) It is a well known song by a well known artist.
2) It sounds just like the original version.
3) It doesn't take any artistic risks or liberties.
4) It has zero emotion infused.
5) You get no pops from the audience
6) You don't take the criticism well.
7) You shrink back into safe after you take a risk that didn't work.

 

Chico: Which means expect a lot of 'so what' performances from the ladies next week.
Gordon: Maybe, but if I'm Melissa or Kinnik, I better not do that, because those are the 2 people that I think as of right now are not making the Top 12 on the women's side.
Jason B: Who is that way on the guys side?
Chico: I'd have to go with Will and Kevin, but I think one of them still makes it. There. Wisdom, courtesy the WLTI guys... More wisdom, don't play Ace against a pair of Jacks, lest YOU wish to be on the outside of the top 12. Which serves as a nice segue to our third premiere this week...Anyone who wasn't watching Idol or Deal or No Deal may have overlooked that the World Poker Tour opened season 4 with the previously leaked Battle of Champions 3.
Ryan: How do we keep up with these things???
Jason B: Damn.
Chico: I did say 'previously leaked,' meaning that it was aired before.
Jason B: Ah.
Chico: On a Saturday...Which means 'yeah, no one saw it! That was smart. I like potatoes.'
Ryan: I like cheese.
Jason B: I like pizza.
Gordon: I like potato sacks. Speaking of no one seeing someone get sacked, The Donald fired Summer....and no one watched.
Jason B: or cared.
Chico: I didn't give a rat's patoot until the board room, tell the truth. I will say that... everyone loves Sean if only because he speaks 'British'.
Ryan: Isn't there a canuck kicking around as well?  I enjoy how the NBC PR people always market it as 'international'... yet they're not, 'Cause I sure haven't seen contestant casting up here...
Gordon: It IS international - but the nationalities have to be in the United States first. Consider it the National International version.
Ryan: Meh =P
Gordon: Seriously, I think I am going to be liking this season, if just because everyone is cutthroatish. The only problem is that move to Mondays. What was NBC possibly thinking?
Jason B: That this is the last season?
Ryan: No - we've got to do the Olympic one.
Chico: Indeed it is. That there's a Canuck in the crowd, not that this is the last season. They have one more, and then I think, as Lenny the Russian would say... Kaputski.
Gordon: Secret plan with moose and squirrel.
Ryan: Natasha! NYET!
Chico: Cancel show before ... SOUP, NOW!
Gordon: That would be pair of 2 - as would be debut of new season of Amazing Race. Who, like me, saw it?
Chico: I did... Hot stuff.
Jason B: I didn't see the premiere.
Gordon: Of course not. Because the first half hour was running up against American Idol. Now what was CBS possibly thinking?
Ryan: Seemed a bit dragged out... and I don't like the move to 10
Chico: Not a good thing.  Bad Fox. VERY BAD!
Gordon: Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now I did watch the premiere, and I have to say that I liked the show. The stunts look to be much more fun than the family edition. Then again, that's not saying much.
Chico: But at least you have to give props to CBS for sticking with what got'em there. Now if I were CBS, I would rerun it on Saturday night.
Jason B: When NO ONE would watch.
Gordon: I give CBS props. I hope to give them more props if they reran it Saturday and made sure that it did not go up against Idol - again - ever.
Chico: Of course, it's not rerunning, but at least it can't go up against Idol anymore... Unless Fox gets greedy and adds anther 7 hours of primetime time.
Gordon: If it keeps getting the ratings, then it wouldn't surprise me if they did a 1 hour personal biography every single night.
Ryan: If FOX adds more, it means more Idol... is everyone Unam1ous in that thought?
Jason B: Very good segue to next week's premiere.
Ryan: I do what I can :)
Chico: The plot line: simple.
Jason B: 9 people stuck in a room.
Chico: They have to decide who should get $1.5 million. If they can't... then the countdown begins.
Jason B: And there is a lot of lying, cheating and stealing, to quote the late great Eddie Guerrero.
Gordon: I don't know about this one. I like my games based on skill, strategy and luck, not on who can lie the best. I will say this though - I do think that people who are into the mind game aspect will watch.
Chico: Sorry, but my mindgame ends at Twenty-One. Even the 2000 version.
Gordon: I like Mastermind as a mind game =)
Chico: So just as Deal or No Deal is a statistician's delight, Unan1mous is a sociologist's wet dream... and I completely forgot about Mastermind... Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Jason B: Or the Benny Hill version...Masterbrain.
Gordon: Speaking of Masterbrain - is it time for some Brainvision?
Chico: Sure is, skip.
Jason B: I have kept the mice at a warm temp. (tosses Jackets) Lets do it!
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain footage!

Doug:  (impersonating Mark Thompson) From the four corners of the globe...to your frontal love... this is WLTI Brainvision News... with the award winning Brainvision News team.

Gordon: No frontal love this week?
Chico: No, we got the copy right. As in frontal love is copyright of Game Show Newsnet :)
Gordon: No more copy gremlins. Cool. What's the first article this week?
Chico: First article...

A report from TV Week is saying that production has wrapped on this season of Fear Factor, but staffers have moved on to other projects. NBC has not decided whether or not to bring Fear Factor back.

Gordon: Which you would figure would happen as their show gets yanked on Tuesdays to burn off in the Summer.
Jason B: Which mean Joe Rogan can be a comic again. He is a funny guy.
Gordon: Rogan is a very funny talent and the show has had a great run in the US.
Ryan: I suppose the wrap party was Beer Factor then?
Gordon: Only if they hid bugs in the suds.
Chico: So basically, NBC hasn't outrightly said that it was canning the show, but if it did... I wouldn't be surprised.
Jason B: Exactly. But now it is a theme park attraction.
Ryan: Maybe that's where it can retire...
Chico: Ah, Universal Studios.. where good game shows go to die.
Jason H: Yep. Family Challenge, anyone?
Chico: Wee
Gordon: Next article...

Remember when the Last Comic Standing announcement was made that Jay Mohr was not mentioned in it? There was a reason for it...Anthony Clark is now taking over the helm as the host of the show.

Jason B: Ok. Not a big deal. No one will watch this one either.
Jason H: =/
Chico: Yeah.
Gordon: I disagree. People watched it in the Summer. In the Winter...not so much. We'll see what happens now that it goes back to a Summer installation.
Chico: Just because it's on the summer, though, it doesn't mean nothing. Case in point: Rock Star. It's success was mixed at best.
Jason H: That had success? :-p
Jason B: So much so they may be doing Rock Star: Van Halen!
Gordon: There are some shows that will be successes in the Summer - but need to stay there. Thre's nothing wrong with that.
Chico: Agreed... NEXT...

It looks like GSN might get less coverage in the next few months. In Binghamton, NY, it's being dropped in favor of Yankees Network, while in Greensboro/High Point/Winston Salem, NC, it's being moved to a digital sports tier that will cost another 95 cents a month to activate.

Ryan: I wish I had cable tiers that only cost 95 cents to activate...
Jason B: I am at the horns of a dilemma here.
Chico: What's that.
Jason B: Gordon and I Bleed Pinstripes, but I don't like that they took it off for YES - YES being the Yankees Entertainment and Sports Network.
Gordon: How true. Fortunately for us, we can get both, but this is going to continue until GSN can get 1 or 2 hit properties that will get people to watch their network.
Jason B: No kidding. Anything to Win is a good start.
Chico: Very good start.
Ryan: I'm excited for the Tonya Harding scandal.
Jason B: But they need a signature game.
Chico: Will I've Got a Secret do the trick?
Jason B: You mean Brokeback Game Show...I don't know.
Chico: Good one, J... Too bad we reached the End of the Trend last week :)
Jason H: It's all about Lingo. :p
Chico: As for Lingo... well, everyone loves Lingo.
Jason H: I love Lingo =D
Chico: You know it's going to be in an upcoming CG movie about animals in the suburbs.
Ryan: Lingo in a movie?
Jason B: Open Season?
Chico: Well, it's one of those scenes where they're watching TV, and the... YEAH, THAT'S IT!
Jason B: *fist pump*
Ryan: Has anyone seen the old skool Lingo on the net?
Chico: Anyway, they're watching TV and you see the TV and the people watching it.. but you don't see the screen.
Ryan: ah shucks
Jason B: And since Open Season is a Sony Product...there's your synergy.
Chico: Of course!
Gordon: Is it Open Season for Media Hoes?
Chico: It's Open Season on Hoes... *plays Luda's Area Codes*

In this week's Media Ho report, we turn on the Wayback Machine for AI's Lisa Tucker, who, if you remember, was seen on Star Search. Jennifer Hudson gets an award for the Female Star of tomorrow, Master P may see time in jail for Illegal Gun Possession, and GSN will be re-airing shows featuring newly dead media hoes, including the great Don Knotts, Dennis Weaver and Darren McGavin.

Gordon: Can we have a moment of silence please?

(silence)

Chico: Thank you.
Jason B: Amen.

Also, Ayla Brown's Daddy says that her daughter in the campaign has NO bearing on his political future. Sure it doesn't, pops.


Jason B: Ayla Brown's daddy is a Republican state senator in Massachusetts?
Chico: And her mom's a reporter for a local news network.
Jason B: Hmmmm

The ho of the Week is....the Lovely Lisa Rinna, who may have gobbled up the new co-hosting job of Dancing With the Stars 3.


Chico: Get you some!
Jason H: I don't care for Lisa Rinna, actually; I really don't.
Jason B: Boy Samantha got the boot quick.
Gordon: Was she emotional enuogh for you?
Chico: Yeah. Angry Makes Gordon look calm and tranquil by comparison.
Jason H: Not just that.... I just was not feeling her and I can't see her hosting side by side with Tom Bergeron.
Gordon: Well, Lisa, congratulations on being the Media Ho of the Week. We'll toss you a pimp cup. And Those...are your hoes. Next article?
Chico: Next article... science content!
Jason B: Time for Fully Loaded!
Chico: This week...

If you're reading from Italy, get ready, because Millionaire is about to go live and interactive in that country. Meanwhile: XQuest has a companion game coming out for PCs when the show drops in 2007. It'll allow home audiences to interact with the XQuest world. And... online chat shows are back with companion shows for The Amazing Race at CBS.com and Top Model at UPN.com

Gordon: That's a lot of cyber tech action you got there
Jason B: Lots of online content there.
Chico: Oh yeah. Won't be long until we have a tech-ho crossover...Wait, we had one already :) See?
Gordon: Ya
Chico: Finally, G?

Finally, there's been some mixup in Idol land as people have been texting their favorite Idol wannabes...without Cingular Wireless. Oops. Hey kids, only Cingular Wireless works. If you don't have it, then you have to call in like everyone else does.

Jason B: And Drink Coca Cola while Driving your Ford.
Gordon: And watching really bizarre music videos
Chico: No more Sims videos, please... That's just (^_^)ed up.
Jason B: The puppets just scared me.
Chico: What's next? Gingerbread finalists?
Jason B: Don't give them any ideas.
Jason H: ..........Yikes
Chico: Yikes indeed... Okay, shut'er down.
Jason B: Good boys. (feeds the mice and catches the jackets)
Chico: Still to come on the big show, we place bets a la Banzai, but first, it's our annual Idol March Madness. This is WLTI... Slap me, bitch.
Gordon: Don't tempt me
Jason B: (SLAP)
Chico: Hey!
Gordon: Yay!
Jason B: You asked.
Jason H: LOL
Chico: That is what you call an allusion :)
Jason B: True.

(Brainvision News has been brought to you by Idol...or No Idol. In 26 cases there are the names you get to manage, but be careful. You can get a Kelly Clarkson...or Bobby Mae the psychic! Eek!)

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