April 24, 2006

Chico:  Hello you beautiful people. I'm Chico Alexander... and I've got a secret...
Jason B: What is it?
Gordon: You enjoy watching really terrible revival shows?
Jason H: He said a SECRET!
Chico:  It's not what you think...
Mike: If he can crack pencils with his butt cheeks, I'm leaving.
Jason B: You enjoy rip-offs of Iron Chef?
Gordon: You enjoy watching boy toy crooners being eliminated from musical competitions?
Chico:  *whispers into Gordon's ear*
Gordon: ahhh
Chico:  Actually, all I said was "I have 'Duh Bow' tattooed on my arm"
Jason B: Is that really true?
Chico:  Yeah... too bad it comes right off.
Jason B: Oh.
Jason H: Oh!
Mike: Ha.
Gordon: So apparently, a lot of people enjoyed April 20th.
Chico:  Who gets the reference?
Jason B: I don't.
Chico:  Jason... you need to watch an old ep of "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego," then.
Jason B: Damn.
Chico:  We Love Barry Carl of Rockapella!
Gordon: The scary thing is that I am goofy without needing the drugs. So...from somewhere in Chico Alexander's secret hemp factory, WLTI..is...on!
Jason H: Ohhh!!!
Jason B: There you go.
Chico:  Intro the panel while I hang some more chickens, G.
Jason H: 9_9
Gordon: We start the show off with the guy that wouldn't be Suzanne Westenhoefer, but who loves to take female roles in Roleplay, Mr. Jason Block.
Jason B: My secret = I once dressed as a chicken to hand out balloons to kids in a fast food restaurant. The costume stunk and the kids beat me up. And good morning.
Gordon: Next up, our own plump version of Frank DeCaro, Mr. Mike Klauss.
Mike: I have nothing to say...
Jason H: Oh, yes, you do!
Mike: Except that.  And that. (Plump my ass).
Gordon: I do not want to plump or do anything else with your ass
Chico:  Sure you're not high, Gordon?
Mike: I think he got some of your gum, Chico.
Gordon: I think I have a couple of cases of that gum in my video game parlor...next up, the athlete in the group, who may look like Billy Bean when he's retired, Mr. Alex Davis.
Alex: Hey, I'm better looking than any of you at least!
Chico/Jasons:  O RLY?
Alex: Besides Suzanne.  We lost one there.
Gordon: When he comes over to GSC 5, we're going to bring him out on the streets of LA the night of The Price is Right and use him as a Barker's Beauty to get us some extra seed money.
Alex: Ha.
Chico:  That's July 13, everyone. Three months!
Jason B: Peter Marshall is the big guest this year.
Gordon: Peter Marshall and Wink Martindale sightings. That should be a ton of fun. Finally, the musical entertainer in the group that asks vapid questions just like Jermaine, it's Mr. Jason Hernandez!
Jason H: Hey guys! I've also got a secret....
Chico:  Does it involve Barry Carl?
Jason H: I don't think anyone here (or maybe anyone out there) knows this.....but aside from swing, I also know how to polka dance.
Chico:  I did not know that.
Jason B: Wow.
Gordon: Can you sing Broadway show tunes?
Jason H: Not anymore. =( I think I'm now reduced to dancing and playing. My singing days are numbered.
Chico:  Damn. Now what're you gonna sing along with when you're bored?
Jason H: I'll still try to sing at GSC.
Gordon: And other shows are numbered, which we will get to later on in the show. However, the first topic will have to be the debut of I've Got a Secret. Did you want to dance to the music with your breasts, or did you want to break something with your anus?
Chico:  I'll go off the board and say "Prom outfit made of duct tape." I'll be hotter than hell, but at least I'll match my date.
Alex: I really like I've Got A Secret a lot.  Great panel, good host, funny show.  That's all this is really.
Gordon: I probably enjoyed it the least out of all of you. I wanted to duct tape the panel. They have committed the biggest celebrity sin of game show playing - they have put themselves over the game.
Jason H: SO not true. BAD Gordon. Bad, bad, bad.
Alex: Yeah, I have to agree.
Jason B: I'm in the middle, I guess. I could take it or leave it.
Jason H: Wow guys, take it for what it's worth. Good late-night fodder at 11:30pm.
Gordon: It's good for 11:30. Puts me right to bed =P
Jason H: OH!!!!!
Chico:  Okay, I've Got a Secret. GSN's latest attempt at an original show. Winner gets $1000 and dinner for two in Beverly Hills. Let's start with the good, shall we?
Alex: The panel has terrific chemistry.
Chico:  Bil Dwyer... Quite adept.
Alex: And yet the panel doesn't get the secrets a lot, thanks to Jermaine.
Gordon: Bill Dwyer is the one good thing about the show. He does keep the game moving and keeps the media hos in line.
Jason H: The one good thing?!?!
Chico:  That's not the only good thing. The contestants are genuinely interesting.
Gordon: The game works the best when you have contestants with truly interesting secrets that are g-rated that forces you to think. I'm sure the parents on the West Coast who were expecting a family game must have loved the guy who stuck wood up his rear end.
Chico:  Never happened. It was just his butt cheeks. :)
Jason H: Gordon, did you watch all 5 shows this week?
Gordon: And when the pencils are folded up, where do you think it goes, Chico?
Chico:  Well it couldn't go there, because he was wearing stockings at the time.
Gordon: Sure. Mesh stockings are strong enough to stop pencils. Uh...ok.
Alex: And again, we have TV ratings for a reason.  Look at them and turn it off.  Personal responsibility becomes a factor in everything. If they were expecting a family game at 11:30PM at night, they are on crack.
Jason H: In the last 4 days, weren't the contestants engaging and interesting?
Chico:  Yes they were, J.
Gordon: Again, it depends on the guests. I found that most of them were interesting. Woman who dances with her breasts to the music? No - it flashed me back to the Chuck Barris days of the Gong Show.
Alex: Are you kidding me?  I've never had an erection watching a panel show in my life.
Jason H: (TMI, Alex - Although I share your sentiments)
Chico:  Okay, Gordon... Who was your favorite?
Gordon: I did like the duct tape prom dresses and the twins marrying twins.
Chico:  I liked Adam West myself.
Alex: If we go for all normal, family friendly secrets, the show will get boring very quickly.
Chico:  The point of IGAS is that... It ISN'T normal.
Jason H: I agree with Mister Buzzer.
Alex: We live in much different times than when that made good TV.
Gordon: I don't think that breaking a ruler with your butt or dancing breasts make good TV - nor do I think that some of the panel not playing the game makes good TV, either.
Jason H: Yea, Jermaine seems clueless. I don't think he's gotten one secret yet, but I absolutely love the chemistry.
Alex: They aren't stressing that the player wins for a change, like most panel shows of recent times have.
Gordon: If you're going to get a token minority gay panelist, at least get one that wants to play a game instead of one who prefers to sing and be vapid.
Alex: Jermaine is our ditzy blonde of the panel, somehow. He may get better, we don't know.
Chico:  He was closer than any other panelist with the pencil in the butt cheeks secret. But still, I was entertained. The Chairnan likes being entertained.
Jason H: So dismiss the token minority. The other three panelists are still very adequate.
Gordon: The only person that looks like he's there to play is Billy Bean. Suzanne Westenhoefer either wants to talk about her life or yell that she doesn't know and decides not to ask any questions, and Frank DeCaro will keep cracking jokes until he finds one that the audience will actually laugh at. Unfortunately, they have to stop tape and edit that in when it happens.
Alex: So that was the first week of taping, stuff may be a little rigid for him. 
Gordon: I'm not bashing them for their talents - all four of them are very talented - but I want to see them play the game. And to add to it, what about the clues that Bill Dwyer has given them? Why don't you give them the whole answer, for crying out loud?
Chico:  Actually, Jermaine and Billy seem to be the only ones who play the game straight up most of the time. The problem I have at times is Brett and Charles in the middle there. And this was published that Bert Dubrow was going for a 21st century Brett & Charles.
Gordon: A panelist is going to be a media ho or two on any show. Brett and Charles were great because they bantered and they were ho-ish, but they played Match Game very very well. Suzanne and Frank haven't proven that they can play the game yet - and it's agonizing to watch.
Jason H: What do you expect? An exact throwback of the original show?
Jason B: Sure.
Gordon: I expect panelists who want to play. And this version of IGAS will be lasting only 1 season if they don't play the game.
Jason H: I disliked the original IGaS. Except for Cullen, I didn't like the show.
Alex: I don't watch the show for gameplay.  I watch it to laugh.  It's succeeding in that.
Jason H: Thank you! *high-five*
Chico:  Let's face it, guys. Faye Emerson Bill Cullen, Arlene Francis... either dead or retired. Ain't coming back. You have to change with the times or else you're just going to lose the franchise.
Jason H: They are not exactly a major network with a big budget, and I think they are doing a nice job at a revival.
Alex: Oh, playing the game very well is a stretch.  A good deal of the time, a majority of the panel threw in answers just for laughs
Gordon: When you bring celebrities on, and they don't play the game straight up, it kills the show. See Pyramid. See Millionaire.
Jason B: I agree with Gordon on that point.
Alex: There's a giant difference.  That's a trivia show.  This is a COMEDY show with a panel guessing weird things.
Gordon: It's not just trivia. Figure it Out worked because you had the kids playing it for laughs, but they also played the game straight up very well when it got down to the end.
Jason H: This is a panel show on at 11:30pm. I watch it for much-needed laughs. =) And damnit, I enjoy it very much
Alex: Exactly.
Chico:  I agree with JD.
Jason B: But to play Devil's Advocates...what's wrong with Family Friendly?
Chico:  Nothing.. except that after a while, it gets boring.
Jason H: At 11:30 at night, Jason??????
Chico:  That's the point.
Gordon: Nothing is wrong with it. Of course, with a gay panel and with the innuendo oozing from the panel, you already throw the Parental happiness code out the window.
Jason B: What if the time was different? Would you say the same thing?
Jason H: You guys forget that this isn't exactly meant to be "family oriented". If it was on at 7 or something like that, it would be different, the kids would still be up.
Gordon: That's true Jason, but if I am a struggling GSN and I need prime time programming badly, I should not be targetting new content to 11:30 pm at night.
Alex: It worked for Russian Roulette and Friend or Foe. There's nothing that says it won't work for this.
Gordon: This is a network desperate for ratings, yet their last 2 properties have been airing at 11:30 pm and 1-3am. RR and FOF aired at 10:30 and 11, respectively. 10:30 is a prime time slot. Even at 11, most people are up. 11:30 gets into late night and people start going to bed.
Alex: I've Got A Secret will be a hit.
Gordon: Well, of course it will be a 'hit' in their eyes, since they are not expecting much in an 11:30 time slot.
Alex: If it's a .3, it's a hit for them. It it's a .4 or above, it's a success. A big success.
Gordon: Exactly, and they should get that in 11:30. The problem is that they need to worry about the 3 and a half hours in Prime Time BEFORE 11:30.
Chico:  What's your secret?
Alex: I'm doing a critics review of the show.
Chico:  That's... not an interesting secret.
Alex: Wait for next season.
Chico:  But I guess we're all agreed on one thing... Some people will be entertained. Some won't.
Jason B: Thats true.
Gordon: Most won't.
Chico:  Purists... most definitely will shy away.
Gordon: Anyone with good taste will shy away.
Chico: You're saying I don't have good taste?
Gordon: ... Going about shows with no taste, we have Celebrity Cooking Showdown!
Jason H: No, we don't! Tasted like burnt toast.
Gordon: Where you can watch the finals on Saturday on NBC...although it should have been on Thursday
Mike: More like we had it
Gordon: What happened here?
Chico:  Waiter.. there's a fly in my show.
Gordon: Can we have a Big Board please?
Jason B: BIG BOARD TIME!

Gordon: The Topic Today - Recipe for Disaster
Jason B: Let's see...bad Iron Chef Rip-off.
Chico:  Really bad Iron Chef rip-off.
Mike: Alan Thicke is TV poison.
Alex: Watching celebrities cook isn't fun
Jason H: People complained about it
Chico:  Take nine parts R-list celebrities
Jason B: Add one bad concept
Gordon: And I am going to add uninspiring recipes to the mix.
Chico:  Bake for an hour. Serve with Hamburger.
Joe:   Attention all hands...Admiral Anaheim is on deck.
Chico:  Howdy hey! We were just trying to come up with a Recipe for Disaster.
Jason H: (I'm just ready for someone to say how GREAT!!! this was)
Gordon: Not happening on this show, Jay
Joe:   Recipe for Disaster, eh?  How about P. Diddy executive producing?
Chico:  Someone read my TNG :)
Mike: What about celebrities who just don't flat out know how to cook? Not just D-level celebrities, but they're as inept as me in the kitchen.
Chico:  Again.. serve with hamburger.
Joe:   :D
Mike: They burn water.
Gordon: I like seeing Cat Cora on my screen - but the chefs weren't there for most of the time. We just got to see the celebrities cook...which was not that fun.
Chico:  I don't think the Chairman will let Cat Cora out of Kitchen Stadium after that.
Gordon: I don't think the Chairman will let her BACK INTO Kitchen Stadium after that.
Jason B: He won't let Cat Cora out of his house.
Joe:   ROFL.  I wouldn't.  :D
Chico:  And again.... SERVE WITH HAMBURGER.
Gordon: But the next topic is something that we have gotten our e-mails flooded with this week - which is will ABC let Millionaire or Super Millionaire back on the airwaves.
Alex: Join the club.  I got way too many emails and IMs
Chico:  We're going to try and separate Fact from Fiction here.
Alex: I got word from Disney cast members that there are extreme rumors that Millionaire is about 90% positive of leaving for some show.
Jason H: So now there's no reason for me to visit WDW anymore, oh phooey.
Gordon: That, and the on-again, off-again status of the Millionaire game on ABC's web site has gotten people to start talking about the future of Millionaire.
Alex: ABC has absolutely little time to decide, though.
Chico:  Shall we start at the beginning, because there is literally a laundry list of... stuff.
Jason B: Yes.
Gordon: Please do, as we now welcome Travis Schario into the mix.
Travis: Go for it.
Chico:  First of all... the May deadline. Celador imposed upon ABC a deadline to air... or at least produce... a strip of Millionaire for the network. And if they don't do that before such and such a time, then it is free to shop the property elsewhere... come to think of it, it was 3 years after ABC's cancellation, wasn't it?
Travis: Yep.
Jason B: Yes...that was the last time Super Millionaire was on I believe.
Chico: That was actually May 2004.
Alex: Yeah, and if it's to be produced then, they'd have to announce it in like the next two weeks.  This may have something to do with Millionaire going to, most likely, Endemol, but I doubt it personally That's a giant ominous sign there.  I would have figured we would have heard SOMETHING.  You can't tell me ABC couldn't use a boost somewhere. I don't think the deadline worried me as much as ABC removing all traces of the Millionaire from their site. That's the syndicated show's game, not the network game. The syndicated game is housed off the ABC site because they have the database of everything.
Chico:  Again, Endemol has only expressed interest. It hasn't outright said anything beyond that.
Alex: But I think Endemol getting Millionaire is beside the point if the show is leaving ABC.
Gordon: The Millionaire/DOND hour package is looking more and more like it could happen, if you wanted to speculate on their new property.
Alex: Oh I'm betting on it.
Jason B: That could be a killer double hour in the day with Sony doing it's thing in 2007...this could be big.
Chico:  Then there are the OTHER factors to consider, such as the Meredith factor.
Alex: What I don't understand is what kind of pot ABC is smoking, because I can see no good of dumping Millionaire.
Chico:  Neither can I. After all, how many big profile failures did ABC have over the past two years?
Alex: Millionaire was basically their ratings booster.  If they needed something quickly, that's what they used. ABC has to be already kicking themselves over not getting "Deal or No Deal".  I can't imagine the hurt if Millionaire wound up on NBC and was a giant success.
Gordon:  I agree. Maybe you don't bring it back for a full season, but it's a good sweeps tool - better than watching celebrities attempt to cook.
Jason B: Agreed.
Chico:  Emily's Reasons Why Not, anyone? No one?
Jason B: Commander in Chief
Gordon: But if it does go to...per se NBC...DOND/Millionaire 2 hour Block on Mondays and Fridays, anyone?
Jason B: Yeah Baby...the NBC Game Show Juggernaut.
Alex: I think it would work, Gordon.
Joe:   Heh
Alex: Correct me if I'm wrong, but all ABC has right now is Lost and Grey's Anatomy.  Desperate Housewives is not doing so well last I heard.
Chico:  Lost isn't doing that well either. Again, blame American Idol for that... and crappy story lines :)
Alex: I just can't see what ABC is thinking.  At this point, all signs are pointing that ABC dropped Millionaire. My biggest fear is that FOX gets Millionaire.
Chico:  ICK.
Jason B: NOOOOOOOOOO
Chico:  But Fox will never do that.. Too highbrow for a network that touts Unan1mous as a hit.
Alex: The bad part is that I don't think ABC will announce if they drop it or not, so it's basically unknown until we hear about it coming back.  It's all for our success. It's all up to our speculation until we hopefully hear that someone like NBC picked up Millionaire.  NBC will soon become GSN I think, lol.  It's going to be all reality and game plus Law and Order.
Gordon: That's not necessarily a bad thing...as long as they keep Celebrity Cooking Showdown off the air.
Chico:  Guess we'll have to wait on this one... not unlike... Bob Mesko!
Jason B: Bob Mesko comes back--gets a couple more wins and leaves.
Gordon: A couple of more wins? We all do. Maybe you can lobby about the asthma question and they will bring you back in this format.
Jason B: I don't think so. My last question was perfectly legal.
Chico:  Damn. I want some. He got his five, but it was a long time come. And the challenger who beat him couldn't believe it either. However, if you listen real close, you see Kathleen Larkey referred to as "a giant killer"... Agree or disagree?
Jason B: Disagree.
Chico:  Entertain me, J
Jason B: He was just throwing around the term. Nancy Zerg was a giant killer.
Travis: I think he was just throwing it around.
Mike: Definitely throwing the term around very loosely.
Jason B: The person who beat the 20 game winner was a giant killer.
Chico:  Hell, the person who beat Wenglinski is a BIT of a giant killer, but not one who beats someone who gets three, loses, then comes back for two more. Give me a (^_^)ing break.
Gordon: I'm going to disagree again. I would think anyone who knows off someone who won 5 games or more was a giant killer.
Chico:  Bob hardly broke $100 grand. Not exactly gigantic in this day and age.
Mike: Let's think of it this way...  Ken Jennings : Manute Bol :: Bob Mesko : Mini-Me
Jason B: Pretty much
Chico:  ... Sure, I'll buy that.
Joe:   lol
Travis: Oh, snap.
Gordon: But still - it's always an accomplishment to knock off a 5 time winner - even if it was a combination of 5 times.
Jason B: It is an accomplishment. Not the Giant Killer though.
Gordon: Ace Young wasn't a giant killer either, as he leaves American Idol.
Chico:  And I think the poker fans will agree... Ace's down! Ace's down!
Gordon: The Aces were finally cracked.
Joe:   Good riddance.
Gordon: Ace is gone, and we have 6 very capable singers left.
Chico:  And I'll be damned if you didn't call this early on. We have six people who could've won the whole thing... Four of them made it to the top 6. And now all of a sudden, it's ANYONE's game.
Jason B: Yes, but I still have a beef with the fans. I had no problem with Elliott or Ace making the bottom three, but Chris over Kellie? WTFBBQ?
Chico:  Apparently if you listen to the judges, bad things happen.
Gordon: When you get to this stage of the competition, it's not just about singing. It's about singing and how strong your fan base is.
Chico:  The rock crowd is a finicky bunch. And Kellie, no matter what she says, is a case of Unwritten Rule #315 of Idol: "Fake it till you make it."
Jason B: So if that's the case, then Chris should leave next week...because the rock fans will hate him for doing a love song. Bite me.
Gordon: Good point. The Rock Crowd will vote when you are good, but they won't when you aren't. The country vote, it seems, will vote for you regardless - and that's a huge factor in Kellie's favor.
Chico:  Of course, there's the VFTW crowd pushing dime. That's helping her.
Jason B: No it isn't.
Chico:  Oh really?
Jason B: I think Vote For The Worst is overrated. They don't mean jack. If that were true, then Scott Savol would be an Idol. Kevin Covais would still be in it. So I am saying to all you VFTW people who read this...you don't mean anything. And that's a gallon of Haterade for you.
Chico:  Big words from the Block.
Gordon: I don't think it has anything to do with VFTW either. It has to do with a very strong country contingent. Carrie Underwood won due to that contingent, not VFTW, who was behind Scott Savol almost all the way.
Joe:   No kidding.
Gordon: If Kellie is singing better and has more charisma than Carrie - which I think she does, then she's a monster powerhouse to get to the final two. That being said, Carrie never mangled a song like Kellie did this week - and she still didn't finish at the bottom.
Jason B: The problem was, in a bit of calmed reasoning, that Ace was not as good over the last few weeks.
Chico:  Yeah... What the hell was THAT about?
Jason B: And the Queen thing killed him.
Chico:  But seriously... I don't think Kellie will win... I don't think 19/Fox will allow it =p Especially after having a female country singer win it last year.
Gordon: It's not up to Fox/19 - but I don't think she's the favorite. I think right now it's Taylor's to lose.
Jason B: I agree with Gordon.
Chico:  Would be interesting though to see if Taylor faces Kellie in the finale... It'd be like the battle between good and evil.
Jason B: How would you rank the final 6 now?
Chico:  Me, I'd say Taylor, Katharine, Chris, Kellie, Paris, Elliott. But then again, I have taste.
Jason B: Taylor Chris Kellie Katherine Paris Elliott.
Gordon: Taylor, Kellie, Chris, Katherine, Paris, Elliott...BUT...I don't think Elliott is leaving next week. The problem is that Elliott is going to pick up Ace's vote, which means that we could have a very nasty upset brewing next week.
Chico:  Please let it be Kellie. She deserves it. Come on, Karma! Oh god, I sound like Earl now. It's DEFINITELY time to do the news.
Gordon: It could be Kellie - but I am sensing it will be Paris or Katharine. So all of you Paris and Katharine fans better be voting your fingers off...or else...
Jason B: Love songs...I don't know...what about the 2nd half of the show?
Gordon: Hate songs?
Chico:  I don't know.
Jason B: Do you think it will be a contestant's choice?
Chico:  No idea. Meanwhile, get the jackets for everyone but Joe.
Joe:   :D
Chico:  I know how you do.
Jason B: I am getting more jackets out of the closet this time
Travis: And toss me the Febreze for mine.
Jason B: (Tosses Jackets and Febreze)
Gordon: I got Joe a very nice comfortable sheepskin rug instead of the jacket.
Mike: Not a flokati?
Gordon: i didn't think Joe was into Flokati
Travis: *Spray, spray*...ahh, Winter fresh.
Chico:  And good news... the Choppler's out of the shop! Next time, Gordon, don't be so rough with it. Hamsters are in, and footage!
Travis: Gordon messed with my Choppler?
Gordon: No - the Unan1mous guys took half of the motor
Chico:  Funny... now say your line, dammit.
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage!

Doug:  (impersonating Mark Thompson) From the four corners of your globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, featuring the Award-Winning Brainvision News team.)

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