April 3, 2005

Chico: Hello! Sitting in for Gordon Pepper, I'm Chico Alexander.
Gordon: Hello! Sitting in for Chico Alexander, I'm Gordon Pepper.
Jason: No wait, you told me I got the host gig.
Chico and Gordon: We lied :)
Jason: So why did you...oh wait...(looks at calendar)
Ryan: WHEEL 2000 IS NU NU NU !!!!!!!1!!!!!!11
Gordon: Wha?
Ryan: Em... sorry... went into April 1 fan boy mode.
Chico: Excuse me... *whaps Ryan with the book of Zinkin*
Ryan: rotfl
Chico: The power of Zinkin compels thee!
Mike: I've seen it all.
Jason: It's one of those days, Mike.
Mike: I know. The mad house is now open for business.
Gordon: Here at WLTI, we try to take every show with grace and class. As punishment, all of these people will have to smell the latest lingerie from Bai Ling.
Chico: NO!
Jason: A thousand times NO!
Chico: From somewhere in the Mad House Class Grace Bai Ling Panty Party, WLTI is.... ON!
Mike: Yeah, it is one of those days, Jason.
Chico: In case you don't have access to a calendar, today is April Fool's Day. So the best advice I can tell you is... be prepared for anything.
Ryan: Yeesh - subtle! *rolls eyes*
Jason: Subtlety is not our strong point.
Gordon: We meet the group - and what a feisty bunch of fools we have today. Starting with Beat the Fool (which not many people have been able to do), Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: You like my jester hat?
Mike: You look like the Joker's Wild 1990 joker. 15....65....AND A JOKER!
Jason: Thanks...I think.
Chico: Next, playing Pat Finn, a fool in any context, Mike Klauss.
Mike: Remember, We Love to Interrupt is a game of definitions. First definition: A nickname for a Canadian coin. Second definition: A type of cartoon "tune". Last definition: It describes us.
Jason: BUZZ
Mike: Jason?
Jason: Looney
Mike: YES!
Gordon: And finally, from the land of Alex Trebek (who was foolish when he came out wearing no pants), Mr. Ryan VIckers. Are you wearing any pants, Ryan?

(Silence)

Chico: Ryan?
Mike: Ryan's looking for his pants.
Gordon: Maybe he's tied them around his hands
Chico: Ah, so that's how you do it.

(Minda-like Silence)

Ryan: YES I AM WEARING PANTS. Did I miss something?
Gordon: Yes you did
Ryan: Well I was wearing shorts at work yesterday, it's been gorgeous up here.
Gordon: It's also been gorgeous in the Deal or No Deal set...if you had any testicles. Unfortunately, the people this week saw what happened last week and played, shall we say, too cautious?
Chico: You lose $750,000... and a Hummer.
Jason: What happened with the Hummer?
Chico: Okay, here's what happened, courtesy our good friend Dave Adams...Person was offered $17,000, saying he was pining for a Hummer. Dave says "That won't even pay for gas." The next round, I believe it was round 4, the bank offered $17,000 again...But cut away to the vault, where a Hummer is parked.
Jason: H2 or H3?
Mike: H3
Jason: So add about $35,000 to the offer.
Chico: Yep.
Jason: Got it. He turns down the hummer?
Chico: He turns down the Hummer.
Jason: Oh man.
Chico: Gets even better...The next round, banker offers $99K. Player enthusiastically says "NO DEAL!" Breaking the plastic case with the button.
Jason: Go on.
Chico: They go to break while they fix the box...Which is, to date, the second thing on the set of DoND to break. Bank offer... $148,990,.
Gordon: Which should be $149,000...less $10 for the repair of the case. Never say that the banker doesn't have a sense of humor.
Chico: Heh.
Ryan: Plus the dropping of the case...
Jason: wow...whats left on the board?
Mike: $50, $50K, $100K, $200K, and $750K, IIRC
Jason: You keep going...:)
Chico: Right.
Gordon: 2 Picks later, only $50,000, $100,000 and $750,000 are left. The offer is now $252,000.
Mike: Wife says no deal, someone else says deal. He dealt for $252,000.
Jason: Which is still a big chunk of bling.
Chico: But not as huge as what he had in his case... $750,000. I believe that's what is called "a bum deal."
Jason: Hell no, it isn't. $252,000 is still pretty good. I am sorry.
Chico: I'm not saying it isn't true. I'm saying it's not as good as what he COULD HAVE won.
Mike: Not necessarily. $252,000 buys a house, maybe with enough for a Hummer.
Gordon: I agree with Chico on this one. You know you're getting 50K. How many times do you have the opportunity for 750k? You got 50K in the bank, with 2 shots at 6 figures. You HAVE to go for it.
Mike: We could talk about this forever. It's a bird in the hand.
Jason: That's what makes the show the show
Mike: He wanted enough for a Hummer and his kids' college funds. He got it and more. He's a winner in my book.
Chico: What's done is done, and you can't really question it unless you've been in his shoes. But I do know that someone somewhere has a new Hummer to show for it.
Gordon: Yes - The Banker
Chico: Me? I would've held out for a hybrid, but that's just me. :)
Gordon: I do like the fact that they threw the Hummer up there as a deal part. I hope to see more of that in later shows.
Chico: Just goes to show you to be careful about filling out that contestant application...It can be used against you :)
Jason: No kidding.
Gordon: I think it would be fun for them to be a little like the European shows and put prizes up on the board too - like the Hummer.
Jason: That would be fun.
Chico: Reminds me of the Simon Mayo Winning Lines shows.
Mike: So he gets around $160K after taxes, maybe a smidge more
Jason: There or abouts.
Gordon: Better than $5 and a potato sack
Jason: Sacks are no good. Last friday we were talking about $58.
Chico: What a difference a week makes. The Banker, he's... well... he's a bastard.
Jason: Read his blog.
Chico: :)
Jason: He is a naughty boy
Chico: That's how I know he's a bastard. Speaking of bastards...American Idol Tuesday.... everyone sucked.
Gordon: Wasn't that Idol's way of pulling an April Fool's joke on us early?
Chico: Yes. Actually... all there is to it, really. Everyone sucked.
Jason: Agreed. And we were right again.
Chico: The streak continues.
Jason: Lisa Tucker tried to hit it out of the park...and whiffed...badly.
Chico: Although, the first big jolt in the lineup occurred with Katharine McPhee arriving not just in the bottom 3, but next to last. She could've easily been eliminated on Wednesday night.'
Jason: I disagree. Although she did blow, Lisa took an American Idol's winner song...a massive hit and massacred it. And you can't do anything that desperate without paying for it.
Chico: That is true, very true, but what happens when you become literally an assurance?
Jason: That's the safety factor.
Chico: Last week, when Simon said that "You became a star tonight"... That was a death sentence. Were it not for Lisa's butchering of Kelly Clarkson, she could've easily been eliminated. You know, when people idle about... idols suffer.
Jason: I don't think so. Lisa was done no matter what she did. She could have had a bravura performance and she was till done.
Gordon: I disagree with Jason. With the number of terrible performances that night, I think if Lisa has a bravura performance, combined with the lack of voting, she would have escaped. The problem is that of all the rotten performances, Lisa's was probably the worst.
Chico: PROBABLY?!?! =p
Gordon: Fine. Definitely.
Chico: This is true, going in to our magic bean counter. Shall we? Lisa's vote, or the lion's share of it, will go to either Mandisa or Paris depending on who is better.
Jason: Correct.
Gordon: I think it goes to Paris, but I also think that Mandisa gets a piece of it. I think both of them are ok this week, but it wouldn't surprise me to see Mandisa in the bottom three. R&B do NOT have a good history of doing well in country week.
Jason: That's true.
Chico: Katharine's base is going back into action this week, so she'll get all the votes she needs.
Gordon: Katharine's fan base will be out in full force - AND country is in her wheelhouse, so I expect her to be very safe. That will cause a shift again, and we'll get back to that later. Let's talk about who is safe. Taylor, with the country theme, should be very safe
Jason: (Nods)
Gordon: and unfortunately, so will Kellie, especially with a country theme
Chico: Boo.
Gordon: And since Katharine will be pulling the pop vote, that will leave Elliott, Ace, Bucky and Chris all vulnerable. I'm guessing that Chris, despite being trashed in the media, will be safe, because the hit should have taken place last week. And he can certainly do a nice country song.
Jason: Absolutely.
Gordon: That leaves Elliott, Ace and Bucky (with possibly Mandisa)...and all 3 could be leaving - either Bucky because he's the worst one left, Ace because of the Katharine pull and he's losing support, or Elliott because Ace's group pulls through and everyone thinks that Elliott is safe - so they won't vote for him.
Jason: Which all depends on the performance.
Gordon: Yep
Chico: That is called a variable, my brother...
Jason: I think Ace will be in the bottom three along with Bucky and Mandisa...and Ace will go.
Gordon: But without the variable, I'm going to lean towards Bucky getting the boot.
Chico: I'm also leaning toward Bucky to get booted, because Kellie is the stronger in this genre. This is her week. And despite her better efforts, she won't mess up.
Gordon: Agreed. She won't be in the bottom three.
Chico: I'll just end this segment by saying "For the love of Jeebus woman, shut up!" And we'll go into some lighter news...Who remembers John O'Hurley? Anyone? J. Peterman?
Jason: I DO I DO!
Chico: Hosted To Tell the Truth?
Gordon: Second place in Dancing with the Media Hoes.
Chico: Does Progressive commercials? Is the new host of the Family Feud? Oh, did I say that?
Jason: Yes you did!
Mike: The hell you say?!
Gordon: Yippie!
Jason: And praise be to Fremantle...
Chico: Apparently for the franchise's 30th birthday, they're pulling out all the stops, and O'Hurley is one of them.
Mike: Fremantle did something right for once. Well done!
Gordon: We're not traditionally fond of host changes, but this one is actually a good one
Chico: Very good.
Jason: BTW...we are not busting on Richard Karn...that much...you were so much better than Louie
Chico: Big board, please?

Chico: Subject: O'Hurley Rules! We have, in this person...
Jason: (holds up O'Hurley Rules sign)
Chico: 1) Experience. He's either been a game show host or he played a game show host...
Jason: Check
Gordon: And Don't forget that he did host Celebrity Spelling Bee
Jason: Yes he did.
Chico: 2) Name recognition. You try to find a person who hasn't watched Dancing with the Stars last summer.
Mike: Me. Just sayin'.
Chico: Quiet, you.
Mike: My apologies, Mister Chairman.
Chico: Forgiven, Mr. K.
Jason: Check
Chico: 3) Likeability. You just can't help but like him. Even if he is a little "indulgent."
Gordon: I think the indulgency is an act on his character, myself. He wouldn't be getting all of the gigs if he was like that in real life.
Jason: May I add a 4th
Mike: And I have a 5th
Chico: Fourth and fifth.. go
Jason: 4) Class. He brings a sense of highbrowness to a show that usually isn't.
Chico: Okay, and fifth?
Mike: 4b in this case) Panache. He has an aura of class around him. Look at TTTT 2000. He was the best thing about the show, carrying what was usual lame Fremantle fare on his back.
Mike: He exudes charm and class.
Chico: Although it got a little better in the second season.. Until stuff started being screwed up again.
Jason: This is a big deal. We love you John...and hope you do well.
Chico: Very much so, Mr. O'Hurley. All the best to you in this endeavour.
Mike: Regardless, Fremantle made the best possible decision in this matter. Mega kudos to Fremantle.
Jason: And thank you Richard Karn for holding the fort down. We are not dissing you that hard.
Ryan: Now, if you could just bring back Sale... :)
Mike: Sale with John O'Hurley. Wow, sensory overload there.
Chico: Mr. Karn is honorably discharged from the Chairman's Army.
Mike: Now it's back to hocking power tools and ladders for Richard.
Chico: Oh wellies. Maybe something'll come along... like... oh, Chain Reaction..
Mike: Yeah!
Chico: Love how I just weaved that in?
Mike: You are the king of the slick segue, Chico.
Jason: I was at the taping of the pilot this week and Chico has my review.
Chico: I do. And it looks like GSN may have another fan favorite here.
Jason: The reaction in the pilot audience of about 50 was intense.
Chico: For those who don't know, GSN has commissioned parent company Sony to do a retake on the 1980 show.
Jason: As part of the 3 yr Sony/Michael Davies deal.
Chico: You can tell Michael Davies really loves this stuff, can't you?
Jason: Rich Cronin was rumored to be at the taping, and Michael was running the show in the control room.
Chico: I mean, he takes time, does his homework, finds out what works and what doesn't.
Mike: Hopefully GSN rerunning the classic show (either the 1980 NBC show or the USA revival from the late 80s) goes with the territory.
Chico: Whahuhhey, what's GSN doing?
Mike: I'm being hypothetical.
Chico: Oh. Right.
Mike: Wouldn't the old Chain Reaction be a nice complement to the new one, maybe as an introduction?
Jason: Try Lingo.
Chico: Like what they're doing without realizing with "I've Got a Secret"?
Mike: Kinda sorta like what USA did with Chain Reaction in the 80s--running Cullen's version for a brief bit, and then introducing their version.
Gordon: True - and both versions were very, very good
Chico: I will never get over that plyboard set :)
Mike: Lingo works too, but many people aren't familiar with the Chain Reaction format. Maybe Classic Chain in the morning with the new one in prime access.
Gordon: It would be very refreshing for them to keep bringing back old classics - which is what they should have been doing in the first place (Old classics are defined as Chain Reaction and I've got a Secret, NOT like The All New 3's a Crowd)
Chico: And you know something.. Chain Reaction would go WELL with Lingo. It really would.
Mike: Is Catch Phrase a GSN thing as well?
Jason: Not my suggestion, but it works to me.
Chico: ... Search me. All I know is that CatchPhrase was being filmed.. I don't know who, if anyone, will pick it up.
Gordon: Will anyone pick up on the fact that despite an NCAA Tournament, that Survivor is back on?
Jason: It is?
Chico: Yep.
Jason: ok
Chico: We had a merge, and ... then it pretty much lost me.
Gordon: It is, and the merge has just happened. In as weird dichotomy, Terry has the idol, but is in the minority.
Chico: I think he's waiting for the right time to use it.
Jason: I would.
Chico: But remember, if he waits too long, he won't be able to.
Gordon: He better be using it soon, or he's going to have to win a heck of a lot of immunities
Chico: Yep. And I can remember only a handful of times where someone who really needed a tear went on one.
Jason: That girl a few seasons back...what was her name?
Chico: Stephenie.
Gordon: Chris went on a mad run to win Survivor 9, while we all know about what Colby did in Survivor 2.
Chico: But it won't happen here. That Idol WILL be played. Mark my words.
Gordon: Something else that's being played is Unan1mous. We have our first elimination and we have maybe the ONLY person who likes the show, Johnny Orgovan, to chat about it. The floor is yours, Johnny.
Johnny: I actually LIKE it...it's Celebrity Mole's Exemption or Bust...only this time, the MONEY is the clock, and as good TV will show you, Steve will NOT get the money.
Mike: Since I haven't watched, what's gone on and how far has the pot dipped?
Gordon: I don't like the show. There's no one to root for and I don't care about any of the characters.
Chico: It's definitely class-challenged.
Jason: I agree. I don't watch and don't care to.
Gordon: It's time now for Brainvision, and due to the Spring Season, it's too hot for jackets, so we have something...different in mind. Chico?
Chico: Togas! Goldfish!
Mike: Togas? Hopefully this is an April Fools prank. Big guys and togas don't mix. Just look at John Belushi. Sad, I am.
Gordon: Whatever. Togas!
Jason: (Tosses togas)
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Bai Ling Footage!
Mike: GAH! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! Beautiful and Bai Ling are inherent contradictions.
Gordon: April Fools!
Mike: PEPPER!!!!!
Gordon: Roll the Beautiful Brain Footage...

(Chico hums "Move Closer to Your World") From the four corners of your globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, featuring the Award-Winning Brainvision News team.)

Gordon: We need frontal love this week!
Jason: no kidding.
Mike: Gordon's frontal love comes from Bai Ling.
Chico: No comment. :)
Gordon: Yeah baby. First article?
Chico: First article...

Late nights just got a little bit more interactive... Oh, baby... GSN will offer up a 2-hour block of interactive programming of assorted games hosted by Mel Peachy and Shandi Finnessey.

Chico: Rowr.
Jason: Very cool...
Chico: It will start April 6. That's this Thursday. At 1 am ET.
Mike: Something fun for the insomniacs. Nice.
Chico: You don't know the half of it. http://www.rdfmanagement.com/clients/melissa_peachey.html
Mike: GOOD HEAVENS! JACKPOT!
Jason: Meow.
Gordon: Well someone's floppy disk just started craving for a hard drive.
Mike: Some people will definitely be "up" at 1 AM
Jason: My computer's steaming
Chico: Pun intended?
Mike: By me? Heck yes.
Chico: Something nice for the insomniacs and non-anime fans... Non-anime fans... My god...
Jason: Another chance for me to win something :)
Gordon: And as we all get disgusted with Jason winning MORE swag...
Jason: I like to win stuff.
Chico: No he can't win Melissa Peachy..
Mike: Free stuff is good.
Gordon: Next article...

Anyone want to be a contestant? We have openings! Who Wants to be A Superhero, 3 Card Poker, America's Got Talent are looking for people. In addition, High Stakes Poker gets renewed, so if you have $100,000 that you want to spend.

Mike: Who Wants to be a Superhero?
Jason: Yup.
Mike: Is one of the lifelines x-ray vision?
Chico: No, but you get to create your own costume.
Mike: Wow, interesting
Gordon: I believe that the winner gets a contract with Marvel
Chico: For a comic book created by Stan Lee. And a chance for the participant's hero to appear in a Sci-Fi movie.
Mike: We're all clamoring to try out for this show, I see.
Jason: Not me.
Mike: Sarcasm, Jason. :-)
Jason: I don't think Game Show Geek has a chance in hell.
Mike: Beware of his mighty buzzer thumb! His ability to recall minutiae in a fraction of a second! The skill to land on $1.00 on every single spin! BY THE HAIR OF WINK MARTINDALE, I WANT THE POWER!!!!!
Gordon: Ok, who let the patient out of the ward again?
Mike: Sedatives please. Thanks.
Jason: (Brings over tray of sedatives and water)
Chico: *fanfare!* Next article..

Another show heading into another season is Cash Cab, which, thanks to a news article published by the AP, got a huge pub boost.

Jason: And there are cabs going up all over the world.
Chico: Everyone's got a cab. Jason, did you ever see the show, by the way?
Jason: Still not yet. I have to catch it.
Chico: You are missing good stuff.
Mike: Very good TV done on the inexpensive.
Chico: And thanks to the article, we figure out most of the Cab's secrets.
Jason: Oops.
Chico: For example, some contestants think that the Cab will be taking them to a game show. They don't know that the Cab IS the game show.
Jason: LOL
Gordon: Surprise!
Chico: New shows start taping soon. New season begins later this year. And speaking of surprises... Gordon?
Gordon: Who's up to get loaded?
Chico: Ooh! ME!
Jason: I do!
Gordon: We get the tech geek alert as we get fully loaded
Mike: Same here, sorry for the delayed reaction.

In addition to GSN playing from 1am to 3am, we have Game Tap showing up in Ted Turner land, while a gambling newspaper will now post up all gambling odds - perfect for people who are internet challenged.

Jason: wow.
Chico: You must be this smart to ride the internet.
Gordon: Next?
Chico: Well, if you got the tech, then that means.... *plays Mike Jones' Back Then*
Gordon: Who's up for Chico's Chic-hoes?
Chico: Get some!
Jason: Mike Jones
Chico: In your Ho-Dometer this week...
Mike: Ho-dometer. Heh

Brooke Burns is back on the job after breaking her neck, newly-deceased Buck Owens gets a Match Game sendoff, Mario Vazquez preps for his CD release from J Records, label-mate Ruben Studdard starts up a music program for at-risk kids, den mother of both Paula Abdul signs for three more years of Idol, Chicken Little begins rounds on talkies, Seacrest and Hatcher sitting in a tree, and more Judds invade Nashville Star.

Gordon: Walk it off, Chico.
Chico: Still one Cowboy Troy at last report.
Jason: And that more than enough.
Chico: Which leads us to the Ho'a the Week. And the Pimp Cup goes... with our sincerest wishes... to Matt Hoover and Suzy Preston.
Gordon: The Biggest Loser couple who had a live engagement ceremony this week. AwwwBarf
Chico: Turns out they were secretly dating after the show ended. To which I say... "Secret looooooovers.... that's what we are... Trying hard to hide the way we feeeeeeeellllll"
Gordon: That's what those Bachelor people should be doing. Are you listening out there?
Chico: No. :) And... I think this is how it goes...And those... are your hoes. Did I get that right?
Gordon: You did. you did indeed.
Chico: Hooray!
Gordon: Very good. Final article...

This is NOT an April Fool's Joke. They have decided that we want to see...the US Paintball Championships, as they get a TV contract. This gets a contract, while we still can't get any takers on a revival of Sale of the Century. Wha?

Jason: You sure this isn't a joke?
Mike: There is a paintball show on WGN on Saturday nights. Thus it's ever-so-slightly popular.
Chico: *as Scooby-Doo* Huh?
Mike: Not popular, but it has viewers.
Gordon: I dont get it. Who does Joe Van Ginkel have to make sweet love to to get Temptation on the air?
Jason: MY EYES!
Chico: We could spend an entire show on that... But instead, let's go to break. Give me my shirt back, bitch.
Jason: (catches and burns togas.)
Chico: Put the goldfish away... and go to break. When we return, The April Foolery continues with Who's Your Daddy and Roleplay. This is WLTI, the show that does to game shows what Billie Piper does to the Doctor and a nice pair of jeans...
Gordon: Nice.

(Brainvision News has been brought to you by Dr. Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Billie Piper hosts the show where if you get a question wrong, you get blasted by a dalek. Ouch.)

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