Chico: Hey, gang. It's Chico Alexander... and at
the end of the great American summer of 2013, our long national nightmare is
over. Aaryn Gries is out of the Big Brother House.
Gordon: Usually, we'll say that's all the Big Brother info you're getting this
Chico: But boy howdy was that an exit interview. We'll get into that, week 5 of
the Chase, The Price Is Right, POST Emmy, and wrap up the season... because it
is the end of the summer..aww...Because from somewhere in America... WLTI...
Chico: Welcome to the show, I'm Chico. He's Gordon. We've got a lot to cover,
and we'll get to it, but before we do... we have a breaking story.
Chico: Sir David Frost, who between hosting "That Was the Week That Was" and
interviewing Richard Nixon, dabbled in hosting game shows, died yesterday,
Gordon: He was someone who excelled in both fields; game show and non-game show
Chico: And especially post the Nixon interviews, he gained a whole mess of fame
and, notoriety, really...True story, before Bill O'Reilly, HE was the host of
Gordon: When it was a reputable show.
Chico: Right. But his magnum opus in the UK... as a game show host... Ultra
Quiz. Based on the Japanese show of the same name, it pretty much followed form
and formula. I happen to have a clip right here!
Gordon: I LOVED Ultra Quiz
Chico: I knew you would. Basically a combination of The Amazing Race and insert
quiz show of your choice here.
Gordon: If you got a question wrong, you were out of the quiz and usually
Chico: Which you loved.
Gordon: Sure did.
Chico: But it showed off Frost's knack for people skills.
Gordon: Yes. a Brilliantly good host. Can we have a moment of silence please?
Chico: Thank you.
Gordon: Now for the other big piece of news this week: and it's moronic.
Chico: We go from substance to context. Now imagine for a moment that you're a
blonde Texan with boobs.
Gordon: Why is Jason Block never here when I need him?
Chico: Wake him up for the podcast or something. :-) Okay, so you're a blonde
Texan with boobs and a hateful mouth.
Gordon: I'm Jessica Simpson!
Chico: ...sure you are. The doorbell finally tolls for you on Big Brother. This
is where your fruit comes to bear so to speak. Now I could tell you what
happens... But we have video for that.
Gordon: Let's watch Julie and the audience do to Aaryn what they have waited the
whole Summer to do.
Chico: Granted, if you have ONE braincell in your body, it doesn't take it to
tell you what happens.
Chico: So let's review, shall we?
How To Anger Friends, Loved Ones, and Perfect Strangers by Not Giving a Crap
about What You're Saying
- 1) Deny all knowledge of you saying what you said
- 2) "Everything was taken out of context"
- 3) "I'm not really like that"
- 4) GENERALIZE!
- 5) Say you love everyone!
Chico: Now serving: "How to Anger Friends, Loved
Ones, and Perfect Strangers by Not Givign a Crap about What You're Saying".
Gordon: And here's how. #1. Deny all knowledge of you saying what you said.
Chico: Which leads to that. No one really wants to own their words... that goes
double for reality show contestants.
Gordon: #2. Everything was taken out of context.
Chico: See #1.
Gordon: #3. I'm not really like that.
Chico: #4. All Texans are like that. HER WORDS..."In Texas we say things...
Sometimes we joke and we dont' mean it." Wow. That was apparently so funny I
forgot to laugh.
Gordon: And Aaryn forgot to think.
Chico: Gordon, you know any Texans like this? Because I don't know any Texans
Gordon: Nope. Finally, #5. I love EVERYONE in the house. Even when I vote them
Chico: And now she's just degenerating. And all I can say in the face of ALL of
this... props to Julie Chen for taking it like a pro.
Gordon: And the audience for calling her bs.
Chico: Basically if this was one show you want to watch this season... God help
you.. this was the show. We know she's going to go to the jury house, but the
true fruits will not come to bear until September 19 when she's no longer in the
house by any context. So what happens to Aaryn now POST show?
Gordon: Well for starters, she'll need a help wanted section.
Chico: For starters.
Gordon: And then a VERY good publicist.
Chico: She might also want to take a few moments off the grid to do some soul
Gordon: I don't see her staying in the spotlight - unless its a redemption show.
Chico: And I think we'll leave it at this...Let hers be the takeaway that all
reality hopefuls heed, that unless told otherwise (and may be even then) always
assume that the cameras are live, the mics are hot, and for every action there
is a consequence that will come to bear in the real world. And also don't say
anything that you wouldn't want heard on the internet, on TV, or by your mother.
Gordon: Anything that you say can and will be used against you
Chico: Just have some sense, man.
Gordon: Speaking of sense, let's go to the Chase
Chico: Perhaps one of the most thrilling Final Chases ever recorded.
Gordon: And a solo job, nonetheless, for 75K
Chico: Our player goes to 15, which is impressive by himself.
Gordon: It is. The chase was fun also - BUT - Mark held on.
Chico: Yep. Lasted to the final few seconds.
Gordon: Yep. Make the beast's record 4-1.
Chico: He'll probably be 5-1 next week. I really wish we had the video of it,
because it was something awesome.
Gordon: Did you consider AGT awesome this week?
Chico: As a matter of fact. I did.
Gordon: This week, they had 12 acts and 6 of them went to the finals. Guess who
went 6 for 6?
Chico: Yes, Gordon, you did go six for six.
Chico: The six, for the record...Collins Key, Innovative Force, Taylor
Williamson, Catapult Entertainment on a tiebreaker, Cami Bradley, and Forte. All
six well deserved. All six actually improved upon their acts.
Gordon: Well, no. Catapult clearly went backward
Chico: True, but it's basically a case of the judges giving them one more go. So
let's run it down one more time. Tone the Chiefrocca... does what he does
best... beat a dead horse to the ground.
Gordon: B-Double O - T - Why am I listening to this?
Chico: Because Gordon's a glutton for punishment.
Chico: Next up, Rong Liu, aka the Red Panda, is back from an injury and gets an
in on a wild card. She gets out when she drops her fine china.
Gordon: The red panda missed 3 bowls, so she's done.
Chico: True story, the KriStef brothers were supposed to perform, BUT one of the
brothers was injured. And this has been your lesson in irony. Gordon, talk about
Angela Hoover and again, beating a dead horse.
Gordon: Angela Hoover did not get funnier - and she used the same voices.
Chico: That's a cardinal sin in the world of mimicry. Duo Resonance did the same
act. only with slower music.
Gordon: And more errors.
Chico: It wasn't technically sound and it didn't elevate. And America called
them on it. Collins Key elevated the act by involving the audience to a point.
So he's an easy in for the final. But the question I have ... does he have
anything left? Has he plateaued?
Gordon: I think he has something left, but he gave us 2 of the same type of act.
He has to change scope.
Chico: I think he will or else he's done. Innovative Force had another acrobatic
tour de force... but again, have they plateaued? Because some of the things
performed we've seen before.
Gordon: They may have, The biggest problem is that they weren't creative enough
with the backgrounds. They need to do better with that
Chico: I think they can. They've got the skills to be dark horses. Dave Fenley...
and Jonathan Allen... I'm actually going to go over them together because they
had the same problem with their acts. Jonathan performed later, but his problem
was the same as Dave's. They went up against GRIZZLIES. Jonathan was up against
Forte, Dave was up against Cami Bradley.
Gordon: They just picked bad songs and got outclassed.
Chico: Bad songs and outsung. Meanwhile, the good got better and made better
choices. Hence, that got them the vote from America. They're threats to take it
all - especially Forte. Now going to the glut problem of singers being lumped
together... Taylor Williamson didn't have that problem, so he could afford to be
Gordon: It was a much better sert, albeit shorter.
Chico: After his last set, you couldn't do any worse, really.
Gordon: True. Whats on the docklet for next week?
Chico: Next week...
Illusionist Leon Etienne & Romy Low
D'angelo & Amanda
American Military Spouses Choir
and the in absentia Kristef Brothers.
Gordon: I'll say D'Angelo, Braden, Kenichi, Marty Brown, Jimmy Rose and Chico's
Lonely Hearts Club Band
Chico: Timber Brown vs. the Kristef Brothers vs the Chicago Boyz... Jimmy Rose
vs. Marty Brown. Winner of those two matchups will join Branden, AMSC, and
Kenichi. I'm still not too sure about the others, like, Leon & Romy. They're
REALLY going to have to step it up.
Gordon: Sort of like Step Up, the pricing game?
Chico: Nice segue, G.
Gordon: I try.
Chico: It's time for 5 Questions!
Gordon: I try. And this week's 5 Questions goes to...The Price is Right.
Chico: Gordon, hit it.
Gordon: Question #1:
1) Any changing of Drew, George or the models?
Chico: No, no, and no. They have a chemistry that works, and if something works,
you stay with it. I mean, remember, you got an Emmy for this.
Gordon: They are finally getting that groove on, so I'll agree with you.
Chico: They silenced the doubters.
2) Friday of Premiere Week will feature all Plinko
all day. Will diehards tune out?
Gordon: No. i think you'll get intrigue as long as you only do it once.
Chico: True. I mean, it's a special day. You don't do this to everything. You
don't try and make a special day out of everything.
Gordon: And as long as they don't you're ok.
3) Does the win rate go up this year?
Chico: I think it stays put. You're going to see on average more breakevens than
4-2s and more 2-4s than 5-1s. So it will average out to about 40 percent.
Gordon: I think the contestants get the idea now. I'll say just a bit higher.
4) How will Price fans react to the new game, Do
the Math? How does it go?
Chico: A contestant plays for two prizes. And that's all we know for sure right
Gordon: I'm going to guess that they have to add the prices up and get within a
Chico: We'll see September 23.
Gordon: We shall. #5.
5) Last season, TPIR went 4.78 million, making it
easily the #1 show in Daytime. This season, TPIR averages...
Chico: Let's see, that's about an 8 percent increase. I'm going to say it breaks
the 5 million mark. The king keeps the crown.
Gordon: I agree. 5.1 is good.
Chico: So no slowing down for America's Longest Running Game Show... Meanwhile,
Gordon's done some running of his own. The floor, she is yours.
Gordon: Thank you. I got an invite to audition as a member of the 1,300
contestants needed for The Million Second Quiz. Now whereas I can't say
everything about the experience (nor do I want to, as I'm going to keep the
strategies to myself. Heh heh heh). I can say what I am allowed to and I can try
to help you get on the show. Big Board please?
- 1) The Hourglass
- 2) The Vetting Process
- 3) The Personality
- 4) The Game
- 5) The Prep
Gordon: The Subject: The 1,300 contestants. #1.
The sturcture outside in NYC looks HUGE and is spectacular. pictures can't start
to prove it justice.
Chico: It is a giant hourglass on top of an old Mercedes warehouse?
Gordon: Yes. For now.
Chico: Uh oh. :-)
Gordon: #2. Just like any other competition, you need to pass a quiz and go
through a personality exam.
Chico: Passing a quiz, no problem, G...
Gordon: #3. The personality is VERY important. Make sure to bring something that
is you and how you will entertain the masses. Just saying you are a 5 time
Jeopardy champion is not enough. This is prime time. No one wants to watch 2
Chico: When in doubt: "Well, I've always wanted Ryan Seacrest's job."
Gordon: Say ANYthing interesting. don't be a statue.
Chico: You might find yorself in a window at Bloomingdales down the street.
Gordon: You may. #4. PLAY THE GAME. Play the app. Get to know what you need to
do to win. Understand the levels and what you need to do. Make sure you get as
much background knowledge as you can to impress the casting people and to show
you want to be there.
Chico: Do some research.
Gordon: #5. FINALLY, prepare. You know you may be quizzing 24/7. Make sure you
can get up at 2am and be focussed, because that's what may happen. If that's not
for you, then neither is this show.
Chico: You have to be ready with your A-game 24-7. Because this is a 24-7 game.
But you'll see what we mean when it premieres September 9.
Gordon: You can be called up at any time against any person
Chico: And Gordon... THE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.
Chico: The hams made their own hour-glass shaped cake for you. It's also the
size of an hourglass. So... you could probably eat it in one go.
Gordon: Chico, what exactly is my record with hamsters and food?
Chico: 0 for the world?
Gordon: Yes, and knowing what I know (dips spoon in cake)...yep.,..thought so
(deposits sand in Chico's hand)
Chico: That's not cinnamon sugar, ain't it?
Chico: I blame the cat. Let's do the news!
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Doug Morris, once again, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to start...
with a bat.
Gordon: (Gives Chico a bat)
Chico: So the Paula Deen episode of MasterChef aired finally...
it averaged 5.8 million viewers, easily taking the night over Big Brother and
America's Got Talent in the demo.
Chico: Speaking of summer hits, "The Chase" scores over 500,000 for a
Chico: Is it safe to say that The Chase is a hit for GSN?
Gordon: I would think so.
Chico: I would go on and pencil in season 3, but that's just me.
Gordon: I'd wait on that. the Pyramid did high numbers too, then it went south
Chico: Also, we finally have a date for season 2 of Match Game, speaking of
reimagined classics. And it segues nicely into the datebook.
Gordon: Sure does.
week: Millionaire, Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, The Ultimate Fighter,
Cupcake Wars, Season 2 of Match Game Canada and Rachel Vs. Guy, where they cook
kids...I mean the kids cook off.
Chico: I was able to see all of season 1 of Match Game thanks to... well,
somebody. If they keep on that level, they're sitting on a goldmine. GSN... pick
up the reruns. YESTERDAY.
Gordon: They should. And it's a smart idea.
Chico: I betcha Gordon has a dumb idea.
Gordon: I do.
YOU Smarter than...Lamar Odom, for being arrested for DUi AFTER being accused of
allegedly doing crack cocaine.
Chico: Daily Double. Daily Trouble. Well, at least it wasn't bath salts...
Gordon: I see Augustus. What do you got?
Chico: I have Splatalot.
Gordon: Did it get splatted?
Chico: Let's see...
been a year since we've seen episodes during the summer of 2012. And since we've
heard hair nor hide of it on Nick, consider it splatted.
Gordon: Aw. Well I want to go to the UK to see it live. Can I?
Chico: You can go to the UK, you can go to Canada. You can go to Australia. You
just can't stay here. Okay, you remember how The Voice UK was going to town all
over X Factor UK, right?
Chico: And rightly so.
Simon Cowell may make a return to The X Factor to salve the wound.
Chico: Well, it could be worse for him. He could have his own channel on
YouTube. Let's get loaded.
Vieira lives on... in YouTube form. She's starting her own YouTube channel a
year in advance of her talker debut. It's online at youtube.com/LivesMeredithVieira
Gordon: Meredith is a media internet ho
Chico: It's all sugary and saccarine and... excuse me...(plays Luda while
this week's Media Ho Report, Cleveland rocks for Bob Eubanks, Betty WHite will
host a Paley Special, Fat Joe starts serving time...
Chico: (plays "Bad Boys")
The Amazing Race Teams are unleashed, Deanna Pappas is preggo, Harry Connick
Jr. is in because Dr. Luke couldn't get out of his deal with Sony...
Chico: It's called conflict of interest. Look it up.
Minute To Win It does Labor Day, Danny Gokey writes an autobio and Donald
Trump talks about Miley Cyrus.
Chico: Because apparently he thinks that he can, or he's hoping Miley will twerk
Gordon: Yes. But none of them are the ho of the week.
Chico: Who've you got?
Gordon: I have Cheryl Cole, who put a rose on her butt.
Chico: I've seen the pictures. She's definitely toned back there.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's a rosy Brainvision. Shutting it off. *fobs* Still to come,
fall's around the corner and you won't believe this... but we're going to get
HAMMERED! So let's go to the beach. I hear you know of a good deserted island,
but it won't be deserted for long, I bet.
Gordon: No it won't. You're reading WLTI. you give us 22 minutes and we'll give
you 22 items wed'd love to see Cedric the Entertainer hock.
Chico: Wait... are you sure?
Gordon: Yes., Because then he can say 'It's Worth WHAT?'
Chico: Are you SURE SURE?
Gordon: I'm SURE SURE
(BrainVision has been brought to you by Racist Vs. Racist. Paula Deen goes up
against Aaryn in Celebrity Deathmatch! Loser gets to be beaten by AL Sharpton.)