Episode 33.5 - Murder
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I accuse
(Lights go out... lights come back on... knife is plunged into Chico's back)
Gordon: ...ok I guess he didn't do it.
Chico: (Gets up) Sorry didn't do what?
Gordon: (Examines the body)...wait a sec, it's a retractable knife. Guess I
can't host the show by myself. Dammi...I mean oh I'm glad you're ok.
Chico: Yeah I was looking all over for that. I had to make sandwiches by hand.
It was gross.
Gordon: For me, the only killing I do is making a profit at the casino.
Chico: Yep. He takes all the money. And so does ABC with a mystery hit on their
hands. But is it any good? that... is what we are gathered around the parlor to
find out. From somewhere in America, the case of the fatal death on WLTI...is...
Gordon: Sherlock Pepper here, along with Chico Watson as we start the show with
a review. ABC gives us Whodunnit, a semi-awaited offering combining pieces of
The Mole, Murder in Small Town X and the original versions of Whodunnit with Ed
McMahon in the US and Jon Pertwee in the UK.
Chico: Who is better known for a) being Johnny Carson's comedic foil and b)
being the third Doctor.
Gordon: Yes, them.
Chico: This time around we have 13 participants... well, 12 participants and a
really bad actress who dies during the first 10 minutes trying to snuff out the
killer amongst them. They will investigate three areas: the last known
whereabouts of the victim, the scene of the crime, and the morgue.
They will also be given clues from the Killer him/herself. Ultimately they will
test the theories they come up with against the murderer itself. The people who
come closest will be Spared. The two furthest away will be marked as Scared and
should sleep with one eye open tonight. Now this just doesn't happen out of a
bubble. There is actually a quiz that the sleuths take in order to determine who
gets whacked at the end of every episode. But this being a murder mystery they
don't show that, as to keep the mood of the show going. The last one standing
wins $250,000. The others are dead or arrested. But not really because its all
fake. And if you think its real.. sorry, but you're an idiot.
Gordon: It is funny that people thought they were really killing off the crew.
Let's start with the good.
Chico: The good... the production is very meticulate.
Gordon: The production values are fantastic.
Chico: Its CSI level. And it should be because Anthony Zuiker, who created CSI,
also created this.
Gordon: Every thing is meticulate, through the crime scenes. There's a major
play at home factor here as you play along and try to figure the scene out.
Chico: Indeed. There is also a bit of murder mystery weekend mixed in, sort of
done up big for the TV screen.
Gordon: There's 3 meta games in play.
Chico: Speaking of which, can we talk about the bad now daddy?
Gordon: I think we will agree and disagree here. However the one thing I know
we will agree on - the acting is over the top cheesiness.
Chico: Anybody order the foot-long ham and cheese?
Gordon: I brought the crackers. They clearly had real contestants and not
Chico: And one contestant was neither a contestant nor an actor. But yeah it
seems like everybody was just so over-the-top on this production. We know it's a
game. They know it's a game. I don't think they want us to know it's a game. In
that, it's a little too meta for me.
Gordon: See this is where I completely disagree. It was EXACTLY the meta they
needed. There's 3 games. 1. Find the killer. 2. The social game. You need an
alliance to find enough clues to give your thoughts, but not too much. You can't
play a loaner game here or you're dead. 3. Figure out the case and piece
Chico: Now I have no problem with this. Its just the way they go about it. I
mean were i of lesser mind I would have thought this to be real.
Gordon: That's a good thing. The production values and this so good that you
think it IS real. What's wrong with that?
Chico: I don't know about you but I like the whole less is more aspect that made
Murder in Small Town X so compelling. I mean are we playing a game of who can
solve the crime or who can soil themselves first?
Gordon: Why not have both? I think the murder is fair. i was able to solve both
of them almost exactly
Chico: They're pretty easy.
Gordon: For now. I'm sure it will get harder. Small Town X didn't have that same
feel for me because it was a social vote them out game and the contestants were
Chico: Fair point.
Gordon: the people here so far are players and the riddles are hard.
Chico: And they'll only get harder. That's the hope anyway. But you know what
the sign says on the door... "We don't grade based on potential."
ABC - 9p ET Sundays
Gordon: No we don't. I am very entertained by this show. I think we're going to
have the first disagreement in a long time. If the acting was better, this would
be a slam dunk for my favorite summer game show this season. It may still be by
the time the summer is over. B+
HERE TO CONTINUE
Chico: The way I see it... a great game element marred by the fact that people
are taking this WAY too seriously and way out of context. C-
Gordon: See what you hate about the show is exactly what I like about it.
Chico: Interesting ain't it? Not as interesting as Andrew Moore getting what to
on the Jeopardy! Score. It's our...
... divided by 8
Gordon: He got knocked off in his own way
Chico: Two fold. One... the challengers were playing Andrew's game and keeping
pace. Especially Padraic Scanlan, who poured it on in Double Jeopardy!
1ordon: And you have to do that to knock off a great champ
Chico: Yep. As a result, he has $21,000 to Andrew's $26,400. Then there's Final
Jeopardy!, where the game is either won or lost.
Gordon: And in this case, both
Chico: Yes sir. The category: Plants. Who is Sheri from Whodunnit?
Chico: The clue...
Economically speaking, this plant family with about 10,000 species is by far the
Chico: And no it is not "What is hemp?".
Gordon: (puts on Ulysses outfit) What is the GRASS family (which is close to
Chico: It is close to hemp.
Gordon: (puts on burnt Dontae pajamas) What is the Robert Plant family?
Chico: We don't need no education... That's hot man.
Gordon: So what happens, sir?
Chico: Everyone gets it wrong, Padraic plays conservative ball. Andrew... not so
much. He leaves with $139,803... Padraic returns the next day with $11,400...
and then gets thumped himself.
Gordon: What happens to Giant Killers? They usually get killed on the very next
Chico: Yep. So question. How does Andrew do in the Big Money Round we call the
Tournament of Champions? He could take it all I think.
Gordon: He could. I think he does very well. He has a strategy that works and he
can take people off guard.
Chico: Again not since Chuck Forrest have we seen finesse coupled with broad
based knowledge like that. Chuck Forrest, perhaps the first great Jeopardy!
champion. About as great a champion as Ian Terry was a Big Brother champion last
Gordon: But the guys playing now...not close.
Chico: Its a house unlike any other. Where 42 cameras catch your every moronic
move and 69 microphones capture your every brain fart. And this year America has
a stake in it by virtue of the Big Brother MVP. Please explain how this is a
game changer, G
Gordon: If you are the MVP, a few things happen. 1. You get to nominate someone
to get voted off. 2. This is all in secret so you can see everyone playing their
game. In this case, it comes into MASSIVE play this week. Elissa blurts to
McCrae that she is indeed Rachel Reilly's sister. That in turn convinces him to
make her a replacement nominee as McCrae wins veto in order to back stab her out
of the game.
Chico: D'OH! Moving on, it's the end of the season on TPIR, and that means
making good on a lot of preempted product. If you ask me though... some of these
episodes would have been better off not airing at all.
Gordon: Do tell
Chico: Okay when you think about the hardest game to win a car on, what comes to
Gordon: That's Too Hard
Chico: What else?
Gordon: Temptation or Pathfinder
Chico: We had a bailout on Temptation and a loss on Pathfinder but what about...
Stack the Deck?
Gordon: If you get 2 or 3 items, it's easy.
Chico: If you know where to play the free money
Chico: They don't know where to play the free money.
Gordon: Well then it's hard.
Chico: So this week we end up with the following stats... a skunk, a double
overbid, a record of 12-16-2, and a take of $255,412.
Chico: The only decent game was the proper season finale on Monday, when we went
5-1 because of... STACK THE FREAKING DECK.
Chico: The prize was a 2013 Chrysler 200LX. The deck: 0 1 2 5 6 7 9. You get one
Gordon: That's not the 2 or 3 numbers we were talking about.
Chico: Use it wisely.
Gordon: 4th number
Gordon: See if you gave me 2 more, it would be easier.
Chico: You know what... I'll do it because its you.
Chico: First, second, third, or fifth?
Gordon: the 3rd and 5th please
Chico: $--,561 Here's what's left: 0 2 7 9
Gordon: First number has to be a 2. That leaves the 0, 7, 9, and as they don't
make 27,000 versions of these cars, I'll go $20,561
Chico: You played that masterfully.
Chico: Now as they're wrapping up season 41, they're also getting ready for
season 42, and they're doing something...interesting for it. More later. Right
now time for two rounds of stupid human tricks. First one...
Gordon: My favorite group got on this week
Chico: Was it the stand up comic? The Irish hiphop dancers? I know, it was the
6-year-old metal singer, wasn't it?
Gordon: Yep. It was the 6 year old screamo artist.
Chico: Seriously that's all I remember. Thank you!
Gordon: Who was your favorite?
Chico: I liked the Hammerstep.
Gordon: It was cute, but I question if its a million dollar act. They could get
Chico: It was different, out of the box, something for everybody. A little hip
hop mixed with a little Irish step dancing.
Gordon: I liked the gospel choir
Chico: Could be a contender. Still think that the Military Spouses Choir is your
frontrunner. Could be clash of the choirs 2.
Gordon: Could very well be.
Chico: On the other hand you have someone finally beating the $25,000 level of
Minute to Win it Every Second Counts.
Gordon: $25,000 level - but NOT the $100,000 level
Chico: Which is what we all came to see. We all apparently also came to see sob
stories of life changing eye surgery and how one person, who is legally blind in
one eye, got that far.
Gordon: Well, you did. I came to see good gameplay.
Chico: I was making a point. You know how watery thin the actual game is so they
have to pad it out with stories that make you want to root for the player, but
anyway, they can't get the 50 Gs on Punch Your Lights Out. But they do have
$25,000 after completing CD Dominoes.
Gordon: Yeah. the hamsters were sobbing when they saw the clip about the baby
hamster who had to drink all of her water off of a petri dish.
Chico: There's an idea. Another idea... news for a news heavy week.
Gordon: Very true. Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thank you Dougie Mo. First up, I'm going to need the Plinko stick. And
another. And another. You know what, (^_^) that (^_^) give me ALL the Plinko
Gordon: (Gives Chico 6 Plinko sticks)
Chico: Six Plinko sticks.
They are shooting the start of season 42 of TPIR and on Friday of Premiere Week,
they are going to celebrate the 30th anniversary of Plinko. By playing it for
the first game. And the second... and the third. And so on. It's all Plinko all
Gordon: The interesting thing is that they will have variations - aka Plinko for
a car, etc.
Chico: Its not strictly cash Plinko. Now there will be variations and I'm all
for this as long as they keep it to a one-time thing.
Gordon: It probably will be. It's a cute idea though
Chico: Very cute. For anyone who thinks otherwise, I have a question.. where's
Gordon: I don't have an Emmy. I do have a datebook though
Chico: With a lot of Ninjas.
Sunday is the game no one wins..I mean Ninja Warrior challenge, Sunday is Food
Court Wars. One more note - Monday is also the debut of Reality series turned horror
show Siberia on NBC
Chico: And we have a few added bonuses. Monday is the family edition of LMAD.
And Thursday is the TPIR sixth annual 4th of July spectacular...
Gordon: And of course, the Nathan's Hotdog eating contest - made so much more
boring by Joey Chestnut cheating the past 5 seasons.
Chico: Family, fireworks, and fighting forces, forging our freedom.... 'Murica.
And Canada on Monday.
Gordon: Everyone's going to get fully loaded.
Chico: Hot dogs and bacon strips. Who wants to see Wheel of Fortune in Vegas?
Tickets are now available ar wheeloffortune.com/lasvegas. They're kicking off
season 31 in style.
Chico: That's using the Internet for good. Segue coming... here's someone who
uses the Internet for evil.
Gordon: More for stupidity
Chico: Mind if I kick off the segment?
Gordon: You may
Are YOU smarter than Krissi Biasello of Masterchef? You know the one word that
no one should be using in the national dialogue on race that we should be having
but aren't? Because it's too icky a topic and no one wants to touch it?
Gordon: Let me add this...
Are you also smarter than most of the cast of Big Brother, who have put in more
racial, sexist and gay slurs to make a group of sailors blush.
Chico: It's a bad time for beer muscles, keyboard courage, and diarrhea
of the mouth. If I may get on my soapbox here. We have straights hating on gays.
We have whites hating on non-whites. We have men hating on women. And they're
all tossing around this word and that word and whatever and what have you. And
I'm sorry... but if you get off on that sort of thing... you're a willful
ignoramus. You are the absolute worst kind of human imaginable and I absolutely
feel sorry for you.
Gordon: The other problem of course is that if you're not likable, then people
won't watch you. See this Summer's season rating of The Bachelorette for proof.
If I'm CBS executives watching the contestants savage the show, I'm getting
Chico: Also why MasterChef beat Big Brother this week. Can't stand any of them
Gordon: Are they even more unlikable than Big Brother 9?
Chico: I'll have to get back to you on that. You have any haterade that we can
Gordon: I do.
When the Taste
comes back, they will do so without Brian Malkarkey, who gets
dumped from his position as judge.
Chico: No loss for me. He didn't bring anything to the party.
Gordon: Did the show do anything for you?
Gordon: Send Brian on a vacation
Chico: How about UK? We have two British zombies to discuss.
"Prize Island", hosted by Pointless star Alexander Armstrong, and "Revolution"
with Countdown hostess Carol Vorderman have reportedly been axed before airing a
Chico: Both high profile high budget projects. Both were probably doomed to fail
Gordon: True, but better that than spending a ton of money for bad shows.
Chico: Just ask Fox.
Gordon: And with bad shows, you get bad hoes.
Chico: (Plays Luda)
In this week's Media Ho Report, hold up on the All-Alumni Idol panel, Wayne
Brady goes to Central Washington, Ted Allen gets engaged to his partner of 20
Chico: This after DOMA was struck down by the Supreme Court.
Bob Eubanks does America's greatest Game Shows, Steve Tisch and Paul DeJonia
join the sharks in the Shark Tank, and James Case says he wants to be the next
Bachelor. Chico is a big fan.
Chico: Says you dude.
Gordon: Says me. but none of them are the hoes of the week.
Chico: What say you?
Gordon: Mark Labbett and Brooke Burns says me. Their show gets renewed even
before a single episode of The Chase airs. Now this can mean one of 2 things. 1.
It's very easy to renew a show when your executives love what they see.
Chico: Which explains the 10/90 rule on cable sitcoms.
Gordon: 2. It's also very easy to renew a show if none of the prize budget goes
out the door because Labbett went 8-0 or 7-1.
Chico: Guess we'll see next month.
Gordon: I have a feeling its a little from column a and a little from column b.
And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that is Brainvision. Shut it down sir.
Gordon: (SHUTTING DOWN)
Chico: Still to come on the show... we channel our inner Allen Ludden. But
Gordon: First, we look at the peaks and valleys for the past few weeks. You're
reading WLTi. you give us 22 minutes and we'll give you 22 people we'd like to
see them use as bodies for the second season of Whodunnit. 16 of them are
currently in the Big Brother house.
Chico: Burn. And stab. And shock. And a'splosion.
(BrainVision has been brought to you by The Zom-bachelor. We need to find a mate
for Augustus. Because zombies need love, too.)