Chico: This is Chico Alexander... and there's just something about the summer that makes people do stupid things... exhibit a: Anthony Weiner. Exhibit B... The Big Brother House not getting rid of two of its most reviled characters, leading one of them on a warpath that will make Maximillien Robespierre look like Mary Poppins.
Gordon: (Walks out with a fur coat carring a suit f armor)...I have no idea what you're talking about.
Chico: ... so here's Gordon Pepper with a suit of armor and a fur coat... lubricated in children's tears. And to top it all off... the #tuchas.
Gordon: ..NOT THE TUCHAS!
Chico: OMG COULD THIS BE THE YEAR A MAGICIAN WINS AMERICA'S GOT TALENT....no, not really. But we will talk about it because.. hey, we liked it.
Gordon: Well, somewhat. But we'll get to that after I say from somewhere in America's Tuchas, WLTI...is...ON!
Chico: Beware the Tuchas. We've got SO much to get to and not a lot of time so we'll get right to it with....



Chico: The first wave of the top 60 performed.... and I have to say I nailed all five of the top 5... not so much the order but the acts themselves.
Gordon: AHEM...
Chico: Ahem?
Gordon: (Points to his scoreboard)
Chico: Oh yeah. Interestingly enough. Id be in last place behind Gordon, Lee, and this year's voice of the fan... Lee's wife the lovely and talented Evelyn.
Gordon: As I got all five and IN the correct order. However, this was a clear Top 5. Big Bored please?

Gordon: The Subject: Round 1. Deja Vu



Chico: Graphic. For. Everything.
Gordon: Maybe. Now why did I label this Deja Vu?
Chico: I don't know. Bit before you continue, I have your picks... do you care to revise your statement?
Gordon: You'd still be in last place.
Chico: I know. I'm just keeping everyone honest here.
Gordon: So..why is this segment called Deja Vu?
Chico: Good question.
Gordon: The answer: If you've seen their auditions, chances are you've seen the act before.
Chico: Right. For the record, the five in question are... Branden James, KriStef Brothers, Collins Key, and wild card between Anna Christine and American Hitmen, judges deadlock, it goes to America... Anna Christine wins We've seen opera, balancing comical, close up magic done big, piano, and rock band. All. During. The. Auditions. No one save maybe for Collins Key and the Kristef Brothers stepped their game up.
Gordon: Collins and Kristef stepped their game up. Thats why they are in.
Chico: The other two that made it were just flat. While American Hitmen was a big step
backwards.
Gordon: As for the acts that didn't get in...
Chico: TellAvision didn't really escalate themselves..
Gordon: They didn't tella fun good story., It was Silhouettes part 2
Chico: And the dancing wasn't up to scratch either
Gordon: no. Hype went the wrong way also Alexandria gave us the same exscape from a straitjacket underwater scene. Special Head just levitated again and we saw how he did it.
Chico: Special Head... had a technical that I saw before he reappeared. That... that wasn't special at all.
Gordon: American Hitmen went...gospel? Really?
Chico: Fresh Faces gives us dance recital cute, but not AGT showstopper. Kevin Downey Jr.... somebody needed to buzz the hell out of that act... It wasn't funny. It was boring. And I just felt so awkward watching it.
Gordon: It's raunchy on a family show. He really needed to do his homework here
Chico: Yup.
Gordon: I didn't love Fresh Faces.
Chico: So that was this week. The ones that stepped their game up rise to the ranks of favorites... Every one else... back of the line please... Hopefully we have some decent acts next week. They are...
 
Struck Boyz, Brad Byers, Forte, Ciana Pelekai, Aquanauts, Angela Hoover (insert vacuum and/or pony joke here), Alexandr Magala, Kid the Wiz, Dave Shirley, Innovative Force, Marty Brown, and Mr. B-DOUBLE O-T-Y himself, Tone the Chiefrocca.

Gordon: Your thoughts here?
Chico: I like Forte's chances... I like Angela Hoover's ... I like Marty Brown's. The rest are going to have to work.
Gordon: Yeah. It seems like 3 invites and 9 acts competing for 1 spot.
Chico: Right
Gordon: But I also thought the Hitmen were a lock until they went backwards. So we'll see if acts bring their A game or C- game
Chico: We'll see who next week moves on and who moves backwards. While we're on the subject of moving backwards...



Chico: America's sweetheart is head of Household.:
Gordon: Unfortunately, its the sweetheart you want to lace with a tranquilizer.
Chico: The sweetheart you want to high-five.. in the face.
Gordon: with a chair
Chico: If you're like me, you gave up on this season after it became painfully obvious that CBS was using controversy to goose ratings. If you're like Gordon, you're wondering how we got here.
Gordon: Actually, I'm buying the popcorn for this week. But I guess you want to know.
Chico: Not really but for the benefit of the home players. Elissa was saved from America's vote and GinaMarie was put in her place. Kaitlin was voted out in a unanimous decision.
Gordon: Which dien't really matter because Any of them were good choices.
Chico: Aaryn won HOH and nominated Howard (RAAAAAGE!) and Spencer. America put up Amanda. Spencer wins veto. You know what THAT means.
Gordon: It's Back Door Time!



Gordon: However, Helen and Aaryn already have an agreement that Elissa doesn't get put up., That means Candice looks like to be the replacement nominee.
Chico: (RAAAAAAAAAGE!) That happens, you can pretty Mich kiss Amanda goodbye.
Gordon: Yepperz. Meanwhile you have too many alliances that neither of us care about.
Chico: When you have a million alliances, you have ZERO alliances. Just saying.
Gordon: If the people were likable and werent someone that youd meet at your local hate club rally, maybe we'd care. Let's talk about a reality show that I DO care about.

(cues NBC Mystery Movie theme)

Chico: So the last we left our intrepid little Harper's Ferry rejects, a horse was on Ulysses.
Gordon: And we don't mean Kim Kardashian. That would mean that a cow fell on Ulysses.
Chico: Ouch.
Gordon: That's what Ulysses would have said, if he wasn't killed.
Chico: So if a cow mated with a jackass... wed get North West. Sorry, had to go there.
Gordon: But he wasn't killed by the cow or the horse. He was killed by poison oleander in 2 finishing nails embedded in a floorboard.
Chico: And how do we know? Because of two things. One... the snake put in his satchel was a nonpoisonous king snake.
Gordon: on the wrong side of the bag nonetheless
Chico: Ulysses' POE was the right leg. At the end of the night, the Killerlindsey threw out THREE scared cards. Geno, Dana, and Sasha. The next morning... a double murder... and a creepy one at that. Sasha was at the piano. Dana was enjoying Sasha at the piano. One problem... BOTH had assumed room temperature. Remind me again who gave Dana and Sasha all their info?
Gordon: That would be Ronnie, the keeper of the info - though Melina did give them the wrong snake theory.
Chico: Right. Now Word of God says that the Killer (Lindsey) doesn't even know who they are.
Gordon: There's 3 people left who could clearly be the killers.
Chico: But you have to wonder about Ronnie and Melina giving up the ghost incorrect-like.
Gordon: There's 2 reasons. #1. Youre the killer. #2. Youre a contestant who wants to make sure that you have more info than at least one person so you can be safe.
Chico: And since WOG states that you can be the killer and not know how you did it, its easy for you to figure out how you did it... and then use that info to swerve the others.
Gordon: Right. However, I am a geek and did the old slo-mo killer recap. There are 2 people with the same colored horses that were used in the recap on the killer 'nailing' Ulysses.
Chico: In addition... The POE was Ulysses' right leg. The killer used the murder weapon with their left hand. So who's left handed... or at the very least ambidextrous?
Gordon: The same people on the horses. Ronnie...and Lindsay, who is the person I thought of since Day #1. Now Ronnie - the master of the information holder - is either playing an excellent game - or he's the killer. Though his problem is it makes zero sense to stab his own teammates.
Chico: Contractual allegiance blindness?
Gordon: You need 3 people in your alliance. It doesn't help you when don't have 3 people. There is something to say about playing the game too hard too quickly. NOW is the time to start withholding info when you get to 6 or 5.
Chico: Indeed. No need to overplay your hand ... yet
Gordon: And I think Geno or Ronnie will find this out the hard way next week.
Chico: My guess is Genoa, since he barely survived this week. Next disaster... There was a show on TV One I believe called The Thousand Dollar Bee. It was our game show whipping boy for a spell. One viewing on YouTube and you know why.
Gordon: And then there was Celebrity Spelling Bee, which was just as bad
Chico: ABC Family's new game show makes both look like a masterclass by comparison. It's called "Spell-mageddon". It's like Killer Karaoke if it were held at the 47th annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. We start with seven willing participants who must do, say, or otherwise endure anything in order to spell a word. Obviously if you misspell a word, you're either penalized or ejected outright based upon what game is in play. Last speller standing wins the fancy schmancy Spell-medallion and $10,000.
Gordon: Pretty much. Spell a word right or you get covered in goo , or water, or slime, or dunked in a tank, or get lights and sirens blaring around you. That and then the audience , in a blatant act designated to add more time to the how, votes someone back in. And then we add some Wipeout in.
Chico: Because Wipeout is fun!!! Said 2009.
Gordon: Chico, I dare you to give me something good about this show.
Chico: There's a genuine game at the root of all this madness... There's no wibbly wobbly popularity contest sort of matrix like Killer Karaoke.
Gordon: Unless you ask the audicnce to bring someone back - who wound up winning episode 1.
Chico: But OTHERWISE... not that different from The Substitute... But that's where the good ends and the BAD begins. First of all... memo to Alfonso Ribeiro... stop trying too hard. Again.
Gordon: The technical is terrible. When you have someone asking to repeat words, mishearing them, and make it a Chamber redux, that's not good - especially when youre playing against the clock. This turned out to be a major factor in some of the games, including the final one.
Chico: So the technical is terrible. The host is overdoing it. And then there's the obvious time grab which had no point but to be an obvious time grab.
Gordon: The show works better as a half hour vehicle with 4 contestants and then they can rotate the games. Then at least I wouldn't be bored and rooting for the clock to expire,.
Chico: Yep. There really isn't anything here that couldn't be saved... except ABC Family went all in on the hour.

	SPELL-MAGEDDON ABC Family - 9p ET Wednesdays
	GORDON	CHICO	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	F+	D-	D-

Gordon: They went all in and I'm going to be heading for the rail. It's educational, so I won't flunk if. F+.
Chico: D-. Again... nothing here that couldn't be saved... but you had to have an hour show, didn't you?
Gordon: They did. Project Runway also has an hour show. Let's Spread the Love.



Chico: This week, bling is the thing.
Gordon: I got made ornaments, yo.
Chico: Ain't gotta give me props, just give me rocks. Okay we should stop.
Gordon: We should.
Chico: Your mission: compliment jewelry with your designs.
Gordon: Sort of a Project Accessory challenge
Chico: Sort of. You ever see $30 million in diamonds?
Gordon: I have not.
Chico: Well Kate shines bright like a diamond... she's the winner this week. I think that's two in a row for her. I may be wrong. Dom and Sandro are also at the top. Bottom three... Helen, Kahindo, and Timothy.
Gordon: Not 2 in a row for Kate. Bradon won the first week - however, 2 in a row at the bottom for Timothy.
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: Do you have any pics of the bling?
Chico: I do. Here's Kate's winner...

http://cdn.divinecaroline.com/sites/divinecaroline.com/files/styles/story_detail_enlarge/public/kate-episode-2.jpg 
(Courtesy DivineCaroline.com)
 
Chico: Pretty neat stuff. It meshes well, the diamonds and the dress.
Gordon: It does. Does it mesh well if you're going to a restaurant to eat dinner afterwards?
Chico: Only if your head chef is Ja'nel Witt.



Gordon: THis was a mess of a finals only because no one in either person's kitchen showed they deserved or wanted to be there. You were better off with Ja'nel vs. Mary one on one. 
Chico: Sort of an Iron Chef dinner service?
Gordon: Id be up for that. Instead Mary has both Nedra AND Dan screwing the pooch, which results in Mary ejecting Dan form the kitchen
Chico: A first for any season of HK. You ask me... and I will take this to my grave... Ja'Nel had the stronger team. She had Cyndi, Susan, Zach, Ray, and Amanda.
Gordon: I agree completely, and if the chefs had their choices, you wouldn't have this issue. Mary had all of the problem children.
Chico: And another first in the final... we ratchet the pressure up one more notch with Chef's Tables.
Gordon: Not a major big deal though. 2 tables...oooooh.
Chico: Two VIP tables. Anthony Anderson needs work. But aside from that, is it safe to say that Ja'Nel had this won at the final cookoff?
Gordon: I told you this last week. She had it won when Ramsay selected her for the finals.
Chico: Yes you did. That was money in the bank.
Rob: moo.
Gordon: Sure was.
Chico: And steak on the grill.
Gordon: (Rob runs away)  Good job, Chico. You know what else is money in the bank?
Chico: What else is money in the bank?
Gordon: Our new menagerie members. We have Sammy the Eastern King Coral Snake. That would be the NON-poisonous variety) and Harry the Horse.
Chico: Nice! I always wanted a horse.
Gordon: We were trying to get the mountain lion, but he wanted $5,000 an hour, so we had to turn him down.
Chico: Yeah. Though he is harmless.
Gordon: Let's stop horsing around and Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.
Chico: Neigh.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thank you, Doug... always a pleasure. Now lets start off with... a trip to the boneyard.

Fashion Star on NBC. tried out season one... Didn't work so well, but the backend sales gave it enough hope for season 2. That didn't work so well either. Won't be a strike 3. NBC cancels it on Saturday.

Gordon: (ZOMBIE)
Chico: ... yup. As for the long standing Celebrity Apprentice? The official statement is... no statement. All this from the TCA Summer press tour.
Gordon: We don't know yet about those shows in the future. We do, however, know about shows coming out this week.
Chico: I've got a red marker from Wednesday to Tuesday. It says Capture.

We have the new season of America's Next Top Model on Friday, featuring Male models. And capture shows up on Tuesday

Chico: Right after Whose Line.

Meanwhile, Perfect Suck moves to Friday out of ANTM

Chico: So to review. Capture to Tuesday, Perfect Score to Friday, Whose Line stays put and is awesome.
Gordon: That's good geography. Let's go on a trip.
Chico: This is one of those trips that makes you say.... WTF?

A Pakistani game show is giving away as prizes... abandoned babies.

Gordon: um...wha?
Chico: The premise is to bring to light the plight of abandoned babies. But really its part of the biggest ratings war in the Ramadan season.
Gordon: I understand...but...this opens up such a gigantic can of worms that you can make fertilizer out of it.
Chico: Thank you. I've been looking for words. Those are words. Thank you.
Gordon: I don't think this is a smart idea. I think this is ALSO not a smarter idea.

Are YOU Smarter Than...Renee Alway, who gets arrested for the 4th time this year, and who decides to shave her head for her new look in the courtroom.

Chico: She of the ANTM.
Gordon: Not a good model look
Chico: Well... orange is the new black... or something.
Gordon: And ZOmbies are the new Haterade. Bring Augustus back here.



The Singing Bee is C-a-n-s-e-l-l-e-d (BUZZED)

Chico: Want to try that again?
Gordon: C-a-n-c-e-l-l-e-d
Chico: ... Again?!
Gordon: Again, daddy. NOTE to ABC Family: THIS is the show you want
Chico: This show... THIS show... Or... here's an idea.. KNIGHTMARE. Let's get loaded.
Gordon: BURP

Next week is Youtube Geek Week. As a part of it, YouTubers are working with original Knightmare producer Tim Child to bring the game back for a one-off.

Gordon: Nice!
Chico: YouTube Geek Week starts August 4. You haven't been this excited about a week since Discovery wags discovered sharks. Now its time for a Ho-nado!
Gordon: And reality producers discovered hoes?

In this week's Ho-nado report, Ali Fedotowsky stars Mark Labett does Google, Howie Mandel gives Life Advice... TPIR Comes on Down to NYC, Kaitlyn from Big Brother apologizes for what she did in the house, and Mike Fleiss promises the 'weirdest' Bachelorette ending ever. That would make it weird, Chico?

Chico: Stop at SHARKNADO!
Gordon: ...I don't think anyone gets eaten by a Sharknado. Though it would be mush more entertaining by whatever the ending really is. But none of them are the ho of the week., Your ho is Juan Pablo Galavis.
Chico: Who is thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to being the next Bachelor. Or so my sauces tell me.
Gordon: I'd still prefer a Sharknado. And Those...are your hoes.
Chico: I think we all would prefer Sharknado. That's Brainvision. Shut her down, G
Gordon: (SHUTTING DOWN). Still to come...a new game!
Chico: But first.... Gordon and I revive the long lost art of... ACTING
Gordon: You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes and we'll give you 22 game shows that could have used a Sharknado. Like Wipeout.
Chico: munch munch munch... or Spell-Mageddon Or Whodunnit?
Gordon: America's Got Talent

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Catch It, Keep It; Sharknado Edition. Can you protect your valuables from a Sharknado?)

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