Episode 33.1 - Bon Voyage, Meredith!
June 3

Chico: This is Chico Alexander. I just want to congratulate Meredith Vieira for all her years of hosting Millionaire... and the last to years of mailing it in. But in all seriousness we are going to miss you on our set. You made the game your own and you were rewarded handsomely for doing so.
Gordon: I'm Gordon Pepper and we are going to miss her - though the big news is coming from another syndicated show. We are going to miss a lot of people this week for various reasons, as from somewhere in America, the Bon Voyage edition of We Love To interrupt...is...on!
Chico: Happy summer everyone! He's Gordon. I'm Chico. Thanks for being part of our week
and allowing us to be a part of yours. Got a lot to cover this week so were going to get right into it with... what, G?
Gordon: We haven't done this in a while...



Chico: We just want to advise you to turn off your internets if you haven't... oh who the hell are we kidding? By now you know. BY. NOW. YOU. KNOW.
Gordon: Play it, Chico.


(Clip courtesy Sony Pictures TV)

Gordon: So...thoughts?
Chico: First of all ... Autumn Erhard... great win. Awesome timing...You know what would've been a better experience as a viewer? Not knowing about it beforehand.
Gordon: Now keeping in mind that SONY did live up to it's billing and didn't send out any spoiler reels, etc.
Chico: True. But there was a bit of leading the horse to water on their part. There were hints dropped all over the place from the commercials as to tuning in for a record setting bonus round and then we saw confetti and cheering.
Gordon: Well you can't not hint and not expect the ratings.
Chico: We'll see what effect, if any, it has next week.
Gordon: We will. But again, congratulations to Autumn.
Chico: Yep. Great player, deserved the cash, gave us a moment. We'll give her THIS!



Chico: Member of an elite club.
Gordon: Very nice.
Chico: Also member of an elite club. Actually two in this next story...

(Repeat ho-ffender alarm)

Gordon: That's pretty.
Chico: I know you love setting that baby off. It's the repeat offender alarm. It sounds when we have a player who's been on two or more game shows. And frankly, we see it as a badge of honor.
Gordon: Usually. Though sometimes, we scratch our heads and ask the contestant coordinators if they forgot to make their meds. This would be one of those times that we ask for a prescription.
Chico: Case in point, the long strange trip of Meredith Vieira ends at Brenna Gethers. Now if this name sounds familiar to you, you're either a friend of hers or you've watched more American Idol than anyone should. When she talks out a question, she REALLY talks out a question. Some say that's the sign of intelligence.
Gordon: Or the sign of trying to get minute #17 of fame. So how is Brenna doing?
Chico: On the charts or at the circle of doom?
Gordon: Yes
Chico: I see what you did there. Anyway, shes gone back to being a quiet nobody.As for the question...

[Q9 - Military Lingo]
In the military, which of the following words is used to describe a potentially hostile unidentified aircraft?
A: Bogey
B: Fogey
C: Hoagie
D: Yogi

Gordon: E. Stoagie, I want a cig.
Chico: Didn't even know you were a smoker
Gordon: I didn't either.
Chico: Heh. The correct answer, please?
Gordon: It's A. Bogie.
Chico: Correct. Brenna had a bogey on her six, saying B. Winger down. She leaves with $1000
Gordon: She's an old fogey for missing that one.
Chico: No one had her 6 there. We've got your 6 here. The final 6 on The Voice. And something Gordon was waiting since January for. Its time for Chaos!
Gordon: Wee!



Chico: Now for those of you who have never seen this show during the height of American
Idol shocking eliminations, it may be a shock at first but there's a clear mathematical explanation for why people are eliminated when they're eliminated. So why were Sarah Simmons and Judith Hill, who was all but penciled into the final, eliminated?
Gordon: #1. They didn't give the 'best' vocals of the night and #2. they weren't bad enough for their fan base to think they were in any danger, so they didn't get votes.
Chico: Case one applies to Sarah, who, lets just say it, wasn't going to win anyway. Judith fell privy to a textbook case of case two.
Gordon: And as for next week; how many country acts are left?
Chico: Four.
Gordon: What are the changes that all 4 remaining acts will all be of the country genre? Zero.
Chico: Right. Split genre vote. On the flipside of the chaos coin... where did Michelle Chamuel come from?
Gordon: My internets.
Chico: Heh. You think that she'd be in trouble in a chaotic week when the competition is blown open. Nay nay sir. She's now a favorite. And the scary bit, if I'm Danielle Bradbery.... she's only going to get better and her canvass will only get larger.
Gordon: Big picture though - Are we going to remember any of them a year from now? Are any of them THAT good?
Chico: Nope. Its a case of the sorority syndrome. You group a group of good singers, their greatness is multiplied tenfold. Take each singer individually, they're okay but not particularly memorable.
Gordon: What about Mike on jeopardy?
Chico: HE'S memorable.



Gordon: Did he get through the week unscathed?
Chico: No. But he made a run at it.
Gordon: What did him in?
Chico: It was the Army. The Final Jeopardy category: American Military Men.

In April 1951 he told Congress, "In war there can be no substitute for victory."

Gordon: (Puts on Chaser Outfit) I did a report on the man. Who is General Douglas MacArthur?
Chico: Thank you Gordon.
Gordon: ...why are you giving my this Panto outfit?
Chico: Because I know you like it.
Gordon: Fine (puts it on)...Who is the guy that created Sweet and Low and then Equal?
Chico: Because there can be no substitute for victory. Sugar on the other hand...
Gordon: The sweet taste of success for Sam Hopkins.
Chico: Quite true. Everyone was right, but Mike picked a bad day to have a bad front game. Sam Hopkins bets enough to win by $2. So Mike will be back later for the TOC. How do you think he fares?
Gordon: I think he makes week #2. I don't know if he makes the final 3.
Chico: Okay. ....Lets finish things off with dessert.



Chico: CBS has a new series. It's a baking competition. In America. Hence the title, the American Baking Competition
Gordon: Starring Jeff Foxworthy
Chico: With judges Paul Hollywood, who was on the show that spawned this one, The Great British Bake-Off, and Marcela Valladolid, who Gordon likes. There are three rounds in each show, all centering around a theme. There's the signature round. There's the technical round, where you are given all of the ingredients to a dish, but only half the recipe, and it's up to you to glean the other half. And the final round, the Showstopper, which is one Last chance to get on the judges' good side
Gordon: And as usual, the chefs are ranked, with the worst one dumped like Veruca Salt after her wild Goose Ride. So Chico, what good did you find in this show?
Chico: Well technically, it's a good show. The judges know what they're talking about. Jeff lets the food and the contestants be the stars, and you could learn something from it, so that's something. And you have to snicker every time you hear Paul Hollywood, in all his British lugubriousness, say "Soggy bottom". Bake your pie shell first and you won't HAVE that problem.
Gordon: If the best thing you can say is you enjoy a British judge say you have a soggy bottom, that's all you need to know about the show.
Chico: That wasn't all, I was just pointing out things that needed to be pointed out for pointing out's sake. Technically it's sound. It goes from A to B to C. And, kicking off the bad, it's a long train ride from A to B to C.
Gordon: The problem that i had with the show wasn't the show itself. It was the network that it was on and the marketing for the show.
Chico: Let me guess. It's a Food Network show with Food Network values on CBS.
Gordon: Bingo. When you put a major competition show on a major network, you expect major competition and the BEST that you have, This felt like a Food Network show all the way, complete with non-pro chefs. This is a PERFECT fit for Food Network, Cooking Channel, bravo, etc.
Chico: Well the amateurishness was the selling point but you are correct, sir.
Gordon: but again, this is CBS. I don't want amateurs. Hell's kitchen shows us goofballs in the kitchen. Masterchef shows us just that - master home cooks.
Chico: There's one more problem it has. What time is it on?
Gordon: 8pm
Chico: What ELSE is on at 8p?
Gordon: That aforementioned cooking show with amateur chefs with infinitely higher production values.
Chico: It's two hours long, and it has a lot of swearing and cooking on it
Gordon: THAT is a network show with network production values.
Chico: Take notes. So what else do we ding it for?
Gordon: it's a quaint by the numbers show. If it was going to feature amateur chefs, I'd like some cooking tips please.
Chico: Right. So it's a good show. It's got a good host and good judges and a good game. But a year from now we will not remember it. B-
Gordon: Remember what? C-
Chico: Exactly. Jeff will be back on GSN hosting Bible battles before you know it.
Gordon: Speaking of shows on GSN...

(Breaking News)

Gordon: Brooke Burns is going to be the host of The Chase.
Chico: Now this could be a good thing or a bad thing. Brooke's an experienced host
Gordon: That she is. The concern is will she keep up with the pacing of the show?
Chico: True. It's a fast show.
Gordon: The pacing is VERY fast. Brooke hasn't done too good with fast.
Chico: No not really, probably why they shortened the team from four to three to allow for that buffer area, and to allow Brooke to be her usual charming self. How will she get on with The Beast?
Gordon: I think that will be fine. Beauty and the beast and all. I think the switch from 4 to 3 is a HUGE edge to the chaser.
Chico: Do explain
Gordon: For starters - 3 contestants max means the chaser will never be at a 4 step disadvantage. It also means that there's only 3 shots to make money off of the chaser, which is good for budgets.
Chico: True on all accounts.
Gordon: And it also gives a chance to lowball contestant #2 or #3 with one less person behind them. So you know this will be good for The Chaser. How will this affect the game?
Chico: I don't think it changes the game that much. The only change is going to be in numbers. You have a three step advantage in the Final Chase. You can turn that into a 20+ advantage if you're good enough
Gordon: Well here's my issue - there will be 25% less game
Chico: Also 25 percent less money
Gordon: Yep.
Chico: We will notice but will the viewers that GSN want care? Don't think they will. They're looking for another American Bible Challenge. So as long as Brooke does her job, Mark does his, and they don't screw around with the format, this could be small potatoes. Meanwhile, the hams have baked you cookies, with a note...

"Hey Gordon, please enjoy the chocolate chip cookies we made! Signed, the hams."

Gordon: Aw (reaches for a cookie)
Chico: Oh, and another note.

"PS: Those aren't chocolate chips. Signed, Eve."

Chico: ... GORDON DON'T TOUCH THOSE COOKIES!
Gordon: (Throws cookie into the garbage). This isn't the first time the hamsters tried to poison me. Remember the whole Moon Cheese incident?
Chico: You keep reminding me.
Gordon: ...I guess I do. Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. First up, let's get a bat on.
Gordon: (Gives Chico a Steroid Fueled Bat)
Chico: Thanks, Alex.

The Rose d'Ors were awarded, and America is taking home a prize for... "Oh Sit!"?

Gordon: Can I add an H to it?
Chico: Why yes! but not now, this is a family show, damn it. Another family show.. SURVIVOR!

The twist of "Blood vs. Water" is revealed.

Chico: Nina Tassler, CBS Entertainment president says that the season will see the return of memorable characters... and their relatives.
Gordon: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Chico: Sorry...
Gordon: You know damn well who's going to show up. Just make the next season Survivor: Hantz Island and be done with it.
Chico: How many Hantzes can one family have?
Gordon: I really don't want to find out.
Chico: We need some good up in here, dude.
Gordon: We got lots of shows coming up in here this week (opens up Datebook)
Chico: That's a BIG datebook, yo.

June 4 has America's Got Talent, Exit and Total Blackout. June 5 has Redneck Island, June 6 has 72 Hours and The Hero, and Race to the Scene, and Sunday has HGV Star: Season 8

Chico: Beer, boobs, and Stone Cold. Excuse me while I pop one of each.
Gordon: Pop one up and Get Fully Loaded
Chico: Can DO! *throws one back*

Ouya is a new game console. It's basically a game system that runs off of the Android platform. A version of "You Don't Know Jack" will be on it at launch. It drops June 25.

Chico: If you remember, the system itself was funded by an $8.5 million
Kickstarter campaing. And one of the beauties of this thing is that any owner of the
system can also be a developer. You'll be able to play it when it drops June 25 for $99. Of course if you have an iPhone or an Android already, you're not missing much.
Gordon: Or Facebook, which you can play it for free. Tha would be smart.
Chico: And now... for something completely different
Gordon: (Brings out Whiteboard)
Chico: Who's the dummy this week, G?

Are YOU Smarter than...Cathy Wrench Cashwell, who filed in a disability claim that she couldn't lift up anything heavy. Then they looked at her spinning the big wheel on The Price is Right. Oops.

Chico: She plead guilty, and she's probably goig to end up paying all that money back. You know where this all went down? My hometown of Fayetteville, NC.
Gordon: She can buy some Haterade with it

We start with American Idol, which has been so underwhelming that they cancelled 25% of the tour.

Chico: That's a lot of lost revenue.
Gordon: And these are a lot of zombies.



Chico: It's World War Z up in here.

Crowd Rules gets yanked after only 2 showings.

Gordon: The zombies need to take a vacation. Where are you sending them?
Chico: Let's go to England.
Gordon: Dead Set Series 2?
Chico: Not quite...

Discovery UK is renewing "Ultimate Shopper"

Chico: It's basically shopping and dressing and the winner gets to take
their looks home. It boasts 300 million viewers across 150 countries &
territories.
Gordon: Clothes make the hoes.
Chico: This is true. (plays Luda)

In this week's Media Ho Awards, Heidi Klum gets boobs, Mariah and Nicki both get booted off Idol Island. Jaleel White is praying for Amanda Bynes...

Chico: As should we all, I think, but go on.

Ace Yong and Diana DeGarmo tie the knot, Alyssa Milano will host season 3 of Project Runway All Stars and Sean Lowe and Catherine Guidici are sleeping in separate beds. Because inquiring Chico's want to know.

Chico: No they don't.
Gordon: Yes they do. But none of them are the ho of the week.
Chico: We know it isn't Sean Lowe, so that's something. Who you got?
Gordon: Your ho is Wayne Brady. who will be presenting the Daytime Emmys.
Chico: AND he's on Whose Line. And on Let's Make a Deal. And on TV Land. Busy guy that Wayne Brady.
Gordon: He is. And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. I got this... *opens app, fiddles around... lights flash* App enabled Choppler. Still to come, an app enabled toilet, but first... Gordon's got gifts!
Gordon: You're reading WLTI. you give us 22 minutes and we'll give you 22 Wheel of Fortune puzzles that you won't see in a Bonus Round. Like Tea Kettle.
Chico: Or Nene Leakes.
Gordon: Henny Penny
Chico: Rest Area.
Gordon: Eye of the Needle
Chico: Ferris Bueller.
Gordon: The Bed-Chicoler. Pity.
Chico: Ha HA.

(BrainVision has been brough to you by Last University President Standing. 16 University presidents try to be comics without losing their job. Gordon Gee hosts.)

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