Chico: Chico Alexander here. On this show, you're not going to see washed up celebrities doing something cool for fun and profit. You're not going to see stories about bored millennials getting taken from behind by Chuck Woolery...
Gordon: Partially because they've all melted on the sidewalk due to the excessive heat. Though we will have that info for you later, if you really want to see it.
Chico: What you will see is the greatest breakdown of the greatest season in America's Got Talent history... AND the greatest revival of the greatest improv series on Television.
Gordon: For 2013.
Chico: Here's a hint.. *puts on red hat with slips falling out of it*
Gordon: Just a hint.
Chico: Oh yeah, and you'll also see predictably stupid humor, because that's how we roll here on the world's strongest game show review show.
Gordon: Sounds zany to me.
Chico: So that said... from somewhere in America... the 456th running of WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: Yay! Gordon and Chico here.
Chico: What up. How's it going, G?
Gordon: Warm (drinks water).
Chico: Very. Got too hot for Mark Japinga. He made $100,000... he made the tournament... and then he cracked.



Chico: So Mark Japinga wins his fourth game and puts himself at the tournament talk with $112,600. Then Wednesday rolls about and as does the heat, Mark just starts to break. The show that he falters on, he has $10,400. His leader: a nurse from up around your way, Kerri McCoy from Jersey City. Kerri was so very ... dominant. Except when it came to the final in International Sports.

2013 marks the 100th running of this event, first won by Maurice Garin with a time of 94 hours, 33 minutes, 14 seconds.

Chico: Here's your safety helmet... your pads... and your carbon fiber chassis bike.
Gordon: What is the Tour De France?
Chico: And here is your "I Heart Lance Armstrong" shirt.
Gordon: What is the Ron Jeremy Penthouse Endurance Crawl?
Chico: At 94 hours, that would be an endurance trial.
Gordon: Ron Jeremy could do it.
Chico: He could. But Mark couldn't. He bets the house and loses it. In fact, NO ONE got this, but Kerri left enough on the table to win the day.
Gordon: Nice
Chico: Could not win the next day, though.
Gordon: That is what usually happens to giant killers
Chico: So what are Mark's chances in the next level, the tournament level? After all, he will be forever remembered as the man who broke Ben Ingram. Is there a chance that they meet AGAIN?
Gordon: I think there will be - and maybe sooner rather than later. I give Mark an excellent chance to make it to the last day
Chico: Oh yeah. That'll be just the ending this tournament would beg for. After all, it's the Tournament of champions in the 30th season. Just saying. Meanwhile, three weeks in, and Big Brother is begging for a change itself.



Chico: This week, Jeremy was voted out in a unanimous decision, but that wasn't the only bomb that was dropped in the house. Sensing a) another MVP win for Elissa and b) a growing desire to distance themselves from MORE controversy, Big Brother has handed control of the MVP reins to.... 'MURICA. In the hot-seat courtesy of new HOH Judd: Aaryn & Kaitlin. Good move there. Certainly if Judd didn't make it, America would have.
Gordon: Again, as we said before Elissa is the only likeable person in the house.
Chico: You would THINK so, but the vote came in, and America put in the third chair.... Elissa!
Gordon: Elissa is a very polarising character. America either loves her or hates her.
Chico: My guess is that the remnants of the Moving Day Alliance (which, let's be honest, lasted all of ONE DAY) are going to gun for her. The rest of the house are going to start packing Aaryn's stuff. But there is a chance that Aaryn escapes ANOTHER vote. You know how there's one person that everyone's gunning for.. and the rest just fill up the bottom?
Gordon: Oh sure. She's what you call a polarizing character
Chico: Yup. So there's Elissa and Aaryn on the block... and Kaitlin as well, because SOMEBODY's got to be in that third chair. But don't go canonizing her yet, because she's no saint either. It's just that we all have bigger fish at the moment.
Gordon: ...or Lions.
Chico: of the mountain variety?
Gordon: Yep. Rrawrrrrw


(cues NBC Mystery Movie theme)

Gordon: And we are seeing why it is NOT a good idea to be in the minority clique
Chico: Nope.
Gordon: The weak get weaker as Ulysses gets sent riding into the sunset. Kam is scared and I'm convinced all of the guys left are playing way too hard to be the killer. So I'm taking Kam and the rest of the guys off the sheet.
Chico: Kam. Done.
Gordon: Lindsey and Sasha are still 1 and 2. Dana is now showing up for the first time.
Chico: Mmhmm... Before we get to an important question that was only asked THIS WEEK... Here's how a mountain lion was used to cover up a murder. The mountain lion never did find Don that appetizing. What killed him was the cyanide right to the face and arms. The smoking (tee hee) gun was on the Periodic table at the morgue.
Gordon: Which surprised me that Ulysses never realized that. One thing I am noticing - even if you don't figure out the main riddle, you can get the same info off the clues - the 'C' and 'N' is the chemical compound for cyanide
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: Same things as the 'Drag Your feet' excerpt of the riddle in episode 2.
Chico: So there's that. And remember, another chemically induced kill... Lindsay. =p But I have a question here that was brought about by an article that came out this week that may even make the whole "Who is the killer" thing completely irrelevant. This was from Reality Blurred (one of our favorite sites)'s Andy Dehnart after interviewing show creator Anthony Zuiker. On the murders: "The murderer does not know how the murders were committed because 'they have to be a real contestant' who works alongside other contestants to solve the crime." So it's possible that the Killer will get a Scared card because, simply put, he or she does not know how they did it. Not so much a plant but a willful act of involuntary ignorance. On the murderer's identity: "Even Zuiker did not know who the murderer was, at least not until the eighth episode.... the producers who did know cast 'somebody that could compete very very hard and go through all the motions like a normal contestant and not be sniffed out by the audience. "There are very very subtle hints if you watch the shows very closely that may lead to a particular person, but they're very subtle.'" So the producers have SOMEONE in mind to be the Killer, but to protect the integrity of the game, they don't even know. It's almost like writing down a secret formula, memorizing it, then destroying it.
Gordon: Well, yes AND no. The killer is told SOME details about the game. Hence, he - or she - will know some things
Chico: So it's not totally out of the realm of possibility that the killer will not know how they did it, get a Scared card, and be saved because, well, they're the killer.
Gordon: True - BUT as the producers say, you can as the killer know certain things - OR know where certain things aren't and lead people away from them - OR cause disunity between the players.
Chico: So the identity of the killer is still relevant.
Gordon: Very much so - so the question is..who's been acting molish? That would be the 3 ladies. That being said, if the killer is arbitrary and there's no clues - or more importantly, no way the actual killer could have done it, there's going to be repercussions for the show.
Chico: Well, everyone's acting SOME sort of mol-ish. But this week, something completely non-chemical, maybe... Dead and on an horse.
Gordon: That would be moleish
Chico: But yeah, how did Ulysses become dead meat? We'll find out this week. While we're on meat, if you were to say back in the spring that a butcher would be a finalist on Hell's Kitchen... I would've had you committed.



Chico: But we are halfway to your final two on Hell's Kitchen. Mary Boehnelt, a butcher from Belchertown, MA, is in the final two... still waiting on their fate: the aptly named chef de cuisine Jon Scallion and the equally aptly named Ja'Nel Witt.
Gordon: I think the person who gets picked out of those 2 is your winnner.
Chico: I really tihnk it's hard to pick out of those two. I mean, both of them had flashes of brilliance. Ja'Nel has been on top of her game and the best in the kitchen from a leadership standpoint. The strongest cook was Jon.
Chico: Both of them compliment each other, so I'm surprised it wasn't a Jon/Ja'Nel final in that I think you're absolutely right. Whoever gets picked will win it.
Gordon: I thihnk it's a message to them to pick their game up
Chico: Precisely. Again Ja'Nel needs to be a stronger cook, while Jon needs to man up.
Gordon: Very true - but I don't think the butcher is going to win it. I think she has a better chance creating a new meat dress for Lady Gaga as she parades it down the runway
Chico: Let's spread the love...

Chico: Three guesses what show we're talking about next. Another season, another 16 designers looking forward to New York's Fashion Week. And what would a season opener be without a few key twists. First of all, we have a returning challenger. Remember Kate Pankoke from season 11? She's baaaaaaack.
Gordon: Not the first time we've seen this happen
Chico: No it is not. But we have ANOTHER twist! They begin on a runway - an airport runway - but it's still valid. The challenge is to create a pret-a-porter from a parachute. Angela couldn't. She's out first. Kate could and she's still in it, but Bradon was the winner in this challenge. You can see his and everyone else's designs (and that epic beard of his) here...

http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/project-runway/season-12/rate-the-runway/episode-1#id=1

Chico: I'm peeking around the site a bit. First off... Justin seems to be the fan favorite based on Facebook likes. This means that he's going to get SOMETHING out of this, but he probably won't win. The least popular: Kate. Gee. What a shocker. Everyone hates the double-dipper.
Gordon: Keep in mind the double dippers wont win. I don't even know why they bother.
Chico: They saw what Parvati Shallow did on Survivor and got a case of false hope.
Gordon: What about a case of the replay?
Chico: You love my Replay, don't you?
Gordon: I do.
Chico: Five minutes 30 on the clock... here's your first recap... GO! 72 Hours heads to Fiji this week, where the team of Wade, Shelby & Grace find the case of the cash money. On Hollywood Game Night, we have Andrew Boreham teaming up with Rob Riggle, Yvette Nicole Brown, and Valerie Bertinelli playing against Fernanda Perrucci with Cheryl Hines, Sarah Chalke, and Matthew Morrison (RIP Finn). Andrew wins and goes on to win the $25,000 Celebrity Name Game, which means that $10,000 in Yvette's name will be donated to Amazing Grace Conservatory.
Gordon: The LA Galaxy shows up in Figure it out and go 1-1.
Chico: Should've played the Sounders. The Winner Is.... the LaFontaines, after Agave Love Ensembles (yes, that's their name) bail out with $50,000. Dustin Schmidt & Sally Kellogg, who secretly got married before competing on "Wipeout", win the Newlyweds edition of the show.
Gordon: Awww..
Chico: From one obstacle course to another as we get 30 more on the Ninja Warrior course including all-stars Drew Drechsel, David "Young Flip" Rodriguez, Travis Rosen, Sean Morris, Thomas Hall, and the man who's been on EVERY season of ANW, Ryan Stratis.
Gordon: I don't see anyone who's going to be more than Ninja Course Chow.
Chico: Nope. I still think Brent only has a 50/50 shot at completing the entire course.
Gordon: I'll take the under.
Chico: Trisha & Trina win $10,000 on Minute to Win It, which Ben & Jaime end up with $1000 after failing Noodling Around with Jamie failing three times in a row. Funny, I remember this happening before.
Gordon: Love you, Lee. Mean it. :)
Chico: Shavon & Tracey also leave with $1000. Madeline Lanciani, a pastry chef from New York City, owns the dessert round, turning clementines, cheese wedges, Aleppo pepper, and a frozen hot chocolate into a $10,000 Cheese mousse trifle. YOU NEVER TRIFLE WITH A TRIFLE.
Gordon: or a tribble
Chico: Frank is the first one done on the new season of Ink Master, Bethy is done on MasterChef, and Bryan is knocked out on Fight Master. Okay, that's the Replay. Stop the clock.
Gordon: (HITS THE BUZZER)
Chico: Are we in, G?
Gordon: We are in. However, you do have a mess on the floor. I moved the trough in. It's too damn hot for the BrainVision menagerie to be outside.
Chico: Humane. Sloppy, but humane
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thank you Doug. Okay, here's what we need. We need a bat rack. We've got TONS of business.
Gordon: (wheels out Bat Rack)

First of all, we have a Spanish celebrity version of Top Chef coming. Telemundo has greenlit "Top Chef: Estrellas" after the success of La Voz Kids. After the success of Whose Line and the failure of Perfect Score (both of which we'll review later), the CW has decided to premiere their new series Capture OUT of Whose Line next week and will move Perfect Score to Fridays. Fox orders a pilot of "Step Up" with Andy Richter. The Great Food Truck Race returns August 18 and football players are going to play Golf Channel's "Big Break" in October.

Chico: Whew.
Gordon: You need something to drink (gives Chico Gatorade)
Chico: Thank you sir
Gordon: Meanwhile, while Chico is guzzling, here's something for the Datebook.

July 22nd had Supermarket Superstar. July 24th has Top Chef Masters (YAY) and Spell-Mageddon (B-o-o), just in case singing while bad things happen to you wasn't enough.

Chico: It was good enough for you.
Gordon: It was so good enough that I don't need any more.
Chico: Oh, it gets better.
Gordon: I'd like to get Fully Loaded
Chico: Did I mention it gets better?
Gordon: WHich usually means it gets worse.
Chico: Yep. Two cases of social media what-the-effery.

The first one was a picture of a red hat and a pair of arm-length leather gloves. Where in the World have we seen those before?

Gordon: I'm guessing a city in California not named Los Angeles
Chico: Right, Sacramento. :)

No, these are the garb of one master-detective-turned-master-criminal Carmen Sandiego.

Gordon: Because where in the word is Carmen LaBrea Tarpits doesn't sound attractive enough
Chico: Yeah, we were all led to believe that there was SOMETHING in the way of development, from reruns to new episodes. Then PBS chimed in and said that no such development was in place and that the picture was meant to get people talking about it over social media.
Gordon: Which makes no sense
Chico: No sense.
Gordon: What else you got?
Chico: The second item makes even less sense. I'll just provide a URL here...

http://chuckwoolerytookmefrombehind.tumblr.com/

Gordon: Hubba hubba.
Chico: ... There's just no explanation needed, warranted or can easily be offered.
Gordon: Not a smart idea.
Chico: Especially with a guy who can't really take a joke. I can see where he would get really really miffed
Gordon: And I can see where someone else is about to get really miffed (wheels in Smart Board)

Are YOU Smarter than...Dustin Zito, the Real World / Road Rules ex-contestant who got arrested for putting his hand up a girls skirt, allegedly threatening violence, and a slate of other goodies while allegedly inebriated.

Chico: Oh boy. I.... REALLY PEOPLE?! You ain't got NO DAMN IDEA how to live?
Gordon: Apparently not.
Chico: Sheesh. I need some Haterade.
Gordon: Can I give it to you in Ice Cream form?
Chico: Sure.

Kris Herrera is suing Giving You the Business and Food Network. According to the article, Kris Herrera won the Giving You the Business episode that aired May 23 and focused on the New York frozen yogurt franchise 16 Handles. Herrera, who managed a New York City location of 16 Handles, says he was repeatedly promised his own 16 Handles location. Instead, he claims, all he received was a single, non-transferable, non-voting share of common stock in 16 Handles’ parent company.

Chico: I think he has a case and Food Network will probably be out one TV show.
Gordon: Or at least out some bucks, And I agree. Not a good month for The Food Network, they need to go on vacation.
Chico: Sounds good.

The Taste is getting its own version in Britain... with the three remaiing US judges in tow... ONE OF WHOM is up for an Emmy, might I add.

Gordon: Ooooh
Chico: The host/judge in question: Anthony Bourdain. He, Nigella Lawson, and Ludo Lefebvre will oversee the UK version.
Gordon: Just what we need. International hoes.
Chico: For the record, the other nominated hosts: Seacrest, White, Bergeron, Klum/Gunn, and Deeley. So east coast, west coast, Germany, and Britain are represented in media ho-dom. (plays Luda)

In this week's Media Ho Report, Wheel of Fortune is conducting auditions Online, Millionaire is casting in Detroit, Kim Spradlin gives birth to a baby Survivor...Jane Lynch waxes poetic on Cory Monteith, Alan Thicke writes a song for his son, Mike Darnell moves to Warner Brothers...

Chico: Told you he'd find work.

Gail Simmons is pregnant, Adam Levine has a new girlfriend, and Chuck Woolery wants to take you from behind with a catheter.

Chico: Try the fiance.
Gordon: But none of them are the hoes of the week.
Chico: who've you got?
Gordon: Your hoes are Ryan Seacrest, Betty White, tom Bergeron, Heidi Klum, TIm Gunn, Cat Deeley and Anthony Bourdain
Chico: Again, the nominees for Outstanding Reality Host.
Gordon: That is correct sir
Chico: The shows up for noms this year... The Amazing Race, Dancing with the Stars, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance, Top Chef, and The Voice.
Gordon: Yes. And we wish good luck to all of them. And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. I'm shutting down... Now.
Gordon: (Shuts down)
Chico: Still to come, six shows... six reviews... and we aren't nice about any of them.
Gordon: You pay us to be honest, not nice.
Chico: But first... get your popcorn ready for the annual America's Got Talent primer.
Gordon: It's a REALLY Big Board, because we're going Top 60 on you. You're reading WLTI, You give us 22 minutes and we'll give you 22 things to do in the heat...naked. Swimming is fun.
Chico: Ice cream is fun too.
Gordon: Swimming in a pool of ice cream with chocolate syrup...yum.
Chico: Haaaay.

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Who's Lion is It Anyways? 4 improvs act out a scene of the crime. The worst one gets eaten. Aisha Tyler and Ziggy the Cougar co-host)