May 14, 2007

Jason: Now that's funny.
Gordon: Attention all readers: The WLTI Court is now in session. Judge Gordon Pepper presiding. Order in my court!
Jason: COFFEE! Strong!
Chico: Bowl of cheerios.
Jason: And watch where you wave that gavel. You could hurt someone.
Gordon: I'll bang my gavel anywhere I want, thank you
Jason: That must mean its time for....
Chico: The First Court of We Love to Interrupt is now in session, the less-than-honorable Commissioner Bowling God Gordon Pepper residing... all rise!
Jason: (Stands up) Nice uniform, Chico.
Gordon: This is my Paris Hilton gavel. Do you like it?
Chico: That's hot.
Jason: Gold encrusted with rhinestones. It works. May I be seated please?
Chico: ... that's the judge's call.
Gordon: Please be seated and lets hear our first case
Jason: (sits down)
Chico: First case is...
Jason: (takes out note pad)

ACCUSED: Jordin Sparks.

Jason: Not her....

Charge: conflict of interest.

Jason: Evidence?
Chico: We all know she's the favorite to win Idol right now... but I cite this article from the Chicago Sun-Times...
http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/elfman/380777,CST-FTR-elf11.article Jordin... with a sign that says "Stop abortion now."
Jason: Well...I am going to say Not Guilty for this reason. Anybody with Photoshop can make people look like they are carrying any sign they wish.
Chico: The article suggests that she's got a huge fanbase with the religious right... and that audience may have a conflict with the album that she is to produce. I will also say not guilty, but for this reason. Let's just say it is true.
Jason: Until we get the real deal from Jordin....and we probably won't. This is much ado about nothing. And I would say this if she had a pro-choice sign too.
Chico: Her politics are her business. We don't rail Pat Sajak for being a conservative. We don't rail David Ruprecht for being a libertarian. We don't rail me for liking the Carolina Tar Heels. =p
Gordon: Like fun we don't.
Jason: Yeah we do.
Chico: Quiet.
Jason: But we love you anyway.
Chico: But yea, not guilty
Jason: But we also know that the entertainment for the most part leans to the left...if there was a WOMEN'S RIGHTS NOW sign...this wouldn't that much of a big deal.
Gordon: I actually think this hurts her more than helps her. But when you have 40 million votes, you have voters of every creed voting. Not guilty, due to lack of evidence that this actually helps her.
Jason: But she can go.
Chico: Just remember... EVERYONE buys records.
Jason: And if had read some of Sajak's writings before he stopped doing his blog on his site. Some very good writings there.
Gordon: And I'm not convinced that the sign wasn't Photoshopped in
Jason: Great minds think alike, Gordon.
Chico: Aye.
Gordon: And the article isn't too convincing on that, either. I'd be more willing to blame people for grasping at straws as to why people are getting votes, verses the real reason - she sings great.
Chico: She really does.
Gordon: Next case...
Jason: Agreed.

Accused: The Amazing Race
Charge: Invasion of Privacy

Chico: Evidence?
Gordon: Stella Mwaryika, a stewardess for an airline, says that the show never got HER permission to use her in the show and is suing for 2 million dollars. Does she have a case?
Chico: Let's say she WAS approached. Now she would have to sign a waiver for her face to appear on TV. Otherwise, it's blurred out.
Jason: Because we all know about Waivers and digital blurring.: Right.
Chico: Exactly. So me, I'm calling BS. Not guilty.
Jason: See: Cops and any other show.
Chico: Cheaters does the best face blurring.
Jason: I agree with Chico. They had to have been approached and I think shenanigans are in full effect. Not Guilty.
Gordon: Ok. Lets just say that she was not approached. How much time did she have? 2 seconds? Unless they caught her naked with another passenger, her time on the show is not exactly what I would call traumatic.
Chico: Unless she was.. you know.. special?
Gordon: Not that special. Not guilty to AI...but Guilty on Stella for wasting our time.
Chico: Sentence to Stella?
Jason: Having to work on Airline for A&E and dealing with all the nastiest passengers possible.
Gordon: Justice!
Chico: Next case on the docket..

ACCUSED: San-jayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Charge: Two counts of media ho'ing without a license.

Jason: Double Ho'ing?
Chico: Double ho'ing.
Jason: Ok.: #1?
Chico: #1, he is rumored to be a potential castmate for "I Love New York 2".
Jason: #2
Chico: I believe it was discussed earlier in the Media Ho Report, the whole "parade, party" thing.
Jason: Remind me on that one.: I need the legal notes to make my decision.
Chico: I defer to the judge.
Gordon: They finally have a sort of party for him in a section of Federal Way, Washington
Chico: Not unlike a high school reunion?
Jason: Ok. Not Guilty on both. I think #1...until I see the cast list...no. And #2...eh, I think the town has to do something...he put it on the map.
Chico: Not guilty on #1 for reasons stated. Guilty on #2... Two words... Blake Lewis. That and the town never had a celebration for ANYONE.
Gordon: I have to agree with Jason. Not guilty on both counts.
Jason: With Blake the celebration is part of the Idol show. Happens every year.
Chico: Sanjaya, wasting your 15th minute of fame near Seattle... Not a crime. You're free to go.
Gordon: I'm sort of disappointed on the lack of quality of these cases so far. We haven't gotten a conviction yet. Can't we throw in Paris Hilton?
Jason: Double jeopardy.
Chico: Too late. Double Jeopardy! is only valid between the hours of 7 and 8. PM, not AM
Gordon: Next one...

Accused: FOX
Charge: Excessive Cruelty to Animals by Slaughtering the Golden Goose

Chico: Evidence?
Jason: I never saw that in the legal book.
Gordon: We have a band competition coming in September, created by the same people behind American Idol. Is this going to water down their big bad baby's daddy in January?
Jason: Not guilty. If American Juniors didn't do it, this won't.
Chico: Two words... American Juniors. What was after that? The William Hung season. Guilty. Another exhibit.. So You Think You Can Dance.. and America's Got Talent... all created by the same people.
Gordon: I have to agree with Chico on this one. I think that Idol hasn't learned it's lesson from that disaster, and I am concerned that they may be spreading themselves too thin. It's been obvious that Idol is trying to spawn a sequel.
Jason: True.
Gordon: American Juniors and Celebrity Duets should show them that the public doesn't WANT a second show. And that Internet Band show that NBC was trying to promote? A disaster
Jason: Maybe these shows were promoted incorrectly...: I don't know. I just don't think that this as disastrous as you say it is.
Chico: Well, if there is a right way to do it, they better find it fast. Otherwise, guilty.
Jason: Not guilty and I know I am out voted.
Gordon: Rock Star - disaster. Every band that got on America's Got Talent? Disaster. I am concerned that this may be a replay from The Apprentice, where too many shows weakened the overall quality of the series. Guilty! The sentence?
Jason: Sentence: To watch all episodes of The One and Eurovision in HD...with the speakers on 11.
Chico: JUSTICE!
Gordon: Justice! Next case?
Chico: Oh, you'll love this one...

ACCUSED: Angelle Tymon.

Jason: Who?
Chico: Mel's replacement on Playmania.
Jason: (flips through notes) Ah.

Charge: Possession with intent to distract.

Jason: Are her Angelles bigger than the Peachys?
Chico: ... Oh yeah. That and she looks, sounds, and acts like every cheerleader I've ever met.
Gordon: When I go to my supermarket, I always find the Angello Melons to be much riper and juicier than the smaller peaches.
Chico: *ALARM*
Gordon: What?
Chico: Sorry, that's the alarm for when a double entendre goes way too far. :-)
Gordon: But does she host better than Mel?
Jason: Actually doing a bit of research she was on a dance team for three years...one for the New Orleans Saints and two for the New Orleans Hornets. So she does have the cheering background.
Chico: She has a communications degree from court docs... but she doesn't really have any experience hosting a live quiz. Mel does... So you gather from that what you will.
Jason: And yes....her Angelles are nice. Guilty.
Gordon: I think when we put both fruits on the produce scale, we will find that the Angello Melons are a better purchase. Not Guilty.
Chico: Angelle... bad news... Your ultimate fate rests with me. :-) Yes, I know I lifted that from Simon. I don't care. Worse news... I saw Thursday's episode of quiznation. Guilty as charged. Sentence: 3, 5, 7, 9, a meal with Kourtney with a K is your fine. ... and time served.
Jason: Yay....JUSTICE!
Gordon: I have the last case right here.
Chico: Throw down your honor.

Accused: NBC
Charge: False Advertising

Jason: I think I know where this is going...Evidence.
Chico: I cite "Thank God Your Here". You want open-and-shut cases? GUILTY!
Jason: Wait for the evidence first... That's premature.
Gordon: 1 Vs. 100 is coming back to TV!!! That's what the Web Site was saying. What it doesn't say is that the episodes are REPEATS, which are sure to infuriate everyone e-mailing us and asking when 1 Vs. 100 will return, and yes, Thank God Youre Here stunk.
Chico: Okay. Can I say guilty now?
Gordon: Yes you may.
Chico: Okay then. Guilty!
Jason: This one is too easy. I DESPISE when the network pulls shenanigans like that. Guilty.
Gordon: Make it a Trio. GUILTY! Sentence?
Jason: Hmmm....
Chico: This has to be a good one... Hmm... *gasps... shakes head in disapproval*
Jason: Are you that upset?
Chico: I'm trying to think of a real doozie of a sentence.
Jason: I think being programmers of NBC is punishment enough....no?
Gordon: No.
Jason: Bring it then.
Chico: Outside of "Do a scene-for-scene reenactment of all 12 episodes of 'Supertrain'" ... I can't think of anything
Gordon: May I?
Chico: Do your worst.
Gordon: The NBC Executives have to be the next Suitcase Holders of Deal Or No Deal - complete with sequined outfit, make-up and hair extensions. And then each one, after being called, have to give Brooks Leach a lap dance. There. I think that's the appropriate sentence.
Chico: That's just wrong.
Jason: My eyes....
Gordon: Justice!
Jason: I just don't think Jeff Zucker has the body for the dress...and the lap dance...no...a thousand times no~!
Gordon: The judge feels much better now. As we all go take a well-earned
break, Chico turns from bailiff to photographer.
Jason: (hands Chico his Digital SLR)
Chico: And you won't believe the pictures I got... Just look at 'em! After the break..

(Brought to you by Bowl Run. Teams race to various bowling alleys across the United States to see who can shoot a 600 series first. Good luck to all bowling teams who are trying to win division titles this week!)

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE