April 30, 2007

Chico: Today... we begin tracking Bob Barker's every move... no, not like that... freaks...
Gordon: And if anyone wants to stalk him, we have a 2004 Mercedes that won't be doing anything for awhile
Chico: Plus... a new 5th Grader, the last Identity of the season, and should Idol've given back? Some of these questions will be answered today, because from Somewhere in America, We Love to Interrupt ... is... on!
Gordon: Gordon Pepper here, along side Mr. Chico Alexander and our guest panelist, Mr. Jason Block
Jason: Hello all.
Chico: Hello, Jason. Feel like having fun today?
Jason: Yes sir. Fun will be had.
Gordon: Fun? Bah on fun.
Chico: Bah on you. =p Okay, let's have some fun... and in the spirit of having fun, we begin the Opening Round with... Pricewatch! *plays TPIR theme music*
Jason: We don't need Bob running slowly down the aisle...in a speedo
Gordon: Though I wouldn't mind the Beauties being the Lifeguards.
Chico: Okay, so here's the thing... from now until the week of June 15, we have to find something on TPIR in honor of the man's upcoming final shows. This week... did you ever think a mother and daughter would run slowly down the aisle... in speedos?
Jason: Do you think they did that on purpose?
Chico: I have absolutely no idea. I know you have some 300 people, and out of those some 300, nine are called to be on TPIR. That's less than 3 percent.
Gordon: I have an inkling that they did. As this is Bob's last season, what better way for him to leave than a plethora of 'Historic Moments'?
Jason: Why not.
Chico: Yeah, but if you ask me, what makes those moments historic is that most if not all of them are freak accidents.
Jason: ok
Chico: That's why we're doing the Pricewatch thing, to see if we can track these most-if-not-all freak moments.
Gordon: The only way that Mother and Daughter would be a 'historic moment' would be if it was planned. And neither of them even won a bonus prize. Only one of them got up stage.
Chico: Now, let's say that Stan Blits in all of his genius (no, I'm not kissing up to the man) did plan this. Could this be something that comes up at the promenade.
Jason: I don't know. It could be just a bizarre coincidence.
Gordon: Coincidence schmoincidence. If you remember when we had our taping, they stopped tape when they called the wrong person down.
Jason: Ok
Chico: Granted. But that was all fixed in post. Do you remember whose flub up that was? Was that the players' or Rich's or what?
Gordon: it was the producer's flub because they gave him the list in the wrong order
Chico: Ah, right.
Gordon: So if they really didn't mean to call the mom, they would have stopped tape and edited that out.
Jason: So they picked them both on purpose...the question is...did they audition together...or get in separately.
Chico: They might've auditioned together. They were wearing the same lime green shirts... with different stuff on'em.
Gordon: True
Jason: But that is still pretty cool.
Chico: Would've been REALLY cool if they both won, you know.
Jason: True.
Chico: But still, that's something that'll have the fans talking for years.
Gordon: True. What was their final take?
Chico: Amber Schroeder: the complimentary "Contestants not appearing on stage will receive..." package. Carmie Stellato: a baker's rack.
Gordon: If Amber received any foot stuffs in her consolation set, they could use the baker's rack!
Chico: Genius! Personally, I thought this particular episode was cute. And if Amber and/or Carmie are reading this, drop us a line as well. We'd love to talk to you. Actually, that baker's rack could be used for anything!
Gordon: Could it help you bake cookies for 5th graders?
Jason: Bake sale!
Chico: It could. They'd have an S for Spencer, an A for Alana, a J for Jacob, a K for Kyle... And an M instead of an L. Because L got a pilot... Yay L.
Jason: One actor to another...bah.
Chico: But an enrollment of a new student took a backseat to probably the craziest Are You Smarter player in the short run of this series.
Jason: So I saw in the clips. Made me look normal.
Chico: ... Damn, Jason.
Gordon: Nothing can make you look normal
Jason: Thanks much
Gordon: So what happened, Professor Alexander?
Chico: Well, John Zole... John Zole is his name, by the way... He's up to question #10 with only his save. 4th Grade Math Question, class... and by the way, Gordon.. Next time you call me a Professor, I'm giving you a time out. The question...

What is the sum of 11.5 and negative 14?

Chico: Give you a moment to think about it.
Jason: -2.5
Chico: I said a moment, dude. Pace yourself! :-)
Gordon: And this is for half a million dollars?
Chico: This is for half a million.
Gordon: You've gotta be kidding me.
Chico: Spencer is locked.
Gordon: I'll go with -2.5
Chico: John... locked it in with that... And he knows he's right. Don't ask me how he knows he's right, but he knows he's right
Gordon: If you had half of a brain, you'd know you were right.
Jason: So he is going for the Million...if he likes the category.
Chico: Spencer's answer... and I'm going to have the snappy up soon, but this is his answer... Can we get the big board for this... This is Spencer's answer..

Chico: Now we all know it's right... But it looks pretty damn funny. So everyone's right. John is sitting on $500K. For the second time... the Million Dollar category is... 5th Grade Math. Me, I'm saying "Sign the check right now."
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Sigh.
Chico: But in order to win the million, it's all John. John... decides to drop out. Walks away with $500,000.
Jason: What?
Chico: Because his wife was about to lose it.
Jason: What was the question?
Chico: The question...

What is the only prime number that is a factor of 16?

Chico: That's it. Altogether now..
Jason: 2!
Chico: 2.
Gordon: 2
Jason: Did he know it?
Chico: No he didn't.
Gordon: Wha?
Chico: All he said was "Whoo! Half a million dollars, baby!"
Jason: WOW!
Chico: And, of course, "I am not smarter than a 5th grader."
Jason: Someone will have the stones to go for the mill
Chico: Someone has to.
Gordon: I don't know. Why risk it for the easiest way to get $500,000 ever?
Chico: Fox... if they were smart... would renew the show and get a whole new crop of (not really) dummies and one of them will have the grapes to go all the way. Game theory pops up again. That's Zoidberg's domain! :-) You play the million dollar question, you're risking $475,000 to win $500,000.
Jason: Pretty much.
Gordon: Well, they will do the first part. The show has been renewed and they are looking for...well, we'll say more about this in the Media Ho Report.
Chico: So yeah. Dap to Fox. Wonder if they'll renew Identity. Not Fox, NBC. =p
Jason: Don't know.
Chico: *looks up to game show gods* I BOTCHED THE SEGUE, YOU GUYS...
Jason: Its ok.
Gordon: Don't know either, but the season finale ended the same way the show ended - sliding
Chico: Description.
Gordon: Our first contestant flamed out as she got 2 errors. Our second contestant walked with $50,000. Both chains were tough, and therein lies the problem - Too easy, and it's an almost instant $500,000. Too tough, and no one can figure it out, which makes the game quite boring and unfair.
Chico: I think it's time for a case study.

Chico: Let's look at the "Gimmes" vs. the "Killers".
Gordon: ok
Chico: Floor is open. Any thought?
Gordon: Any major celebrity is a gimme
Jason: Usually
Gordon: Even a celebrity with a different identity if simple, if you can logically deduce it - unless you live under a rock and believe that Bruce Jenner is a ventriloquist
Jason: Certain people in certain dress are gimmes.
Gordon: Agreed.
Chico: Things you can use the experts for... are qualified gimmes. They nailed the prosthetic foot down. Not literally, we don't want any letters here.. Things like "Born in..." are killers.
Gordon: Born in? Those are very easy, because you're just looking for someone in nationalistic garb
Jason: A personality type or quirk is a killer...like "Virgin".
Gordon: That I agree with. Those you have to narrow down a lot before even attempting
Chico: How about "Born in (YEAR)" or "Test Tube Baby". Unless you know that test tube babies are fairly recent... you're screwed.
Gordon: Born in Year can be tough, but you can narrow it down if they are old. Also, clues that reference time periods are easier, because you know the person has to be a certain age
Chico: And if all you have are younguns and you have test-tube baby... you're really screwed.
Jason: Because TT babies are only past 1978. I believe
Chico: Around there. Ages can go either way. I could not picture Kimberly Estrada, one of our heroes here... as 35. I watched that ep and thought... "She's 35?!"
Jason: Although I knew it...the hottie prison guard didn't strike me as one.
Chico: Another killer could be one person who could look like 2 or 3 people. Then you have to work your way round it.
Gordon: huh?
Chico: One man could've been a deer hunter, a rodeo clown, or living in an RV. Player goes with the first two... zeroes out. Sounds strikingly like the Monty Hall Problem.
Gordon: What about if the women are all in bathing suits?
Chico: Well a) ratings would spike. and b) your best best could be to a) get the easy ones out of the way. If you see Adrienne Curry in a bikini, get rid of her.
Gordon: I mean you've seen that before - 3 women are in bathing suits. Penn Jillette would have no problems with that. The contestant, however, probably would have no idea how to differentiate them out.
Chico: Then he'd have to go for some help is all I can think of. Like either your sideline crew or your Tri-Dentity. Tri-Dentity could help you out more, because you're thinking it'll also include someone not as... statuesque? Am I making any sense here?
Jason: Yes...it can be tough
Gordon: true
Chico: So take all of this down, it could be the only thing coming between you and half a mill.
Gordon: True - but notes can you give them in Jeopardy?
Jason: Yeah...don't bet stupidly in Final J!
Chico: Play 30 minutes of ball. Don't play to not lose. Read Bob Harris' book.
Gordon: So how do you succeed without really trying?
Chico: To succeed without really trying... just ask Laura Wimberley. Seems two of the three times she was champ she backed into the title. Don't get me wrong, it's a valid way to become a Jeopardy! champion... but this serves to prove that you can NEVER... EVER be too lucky.
Gordon: What did she walk off with?
Chico: People... mostly us... are like.. smarts... strategy... timing... absolutely crucial. Also crucial... luck. Laura parlayed that into almost $25,000 within the course of three days. 75% of J! champs can make up to that in one sitting. Yes, I'm estimating here. No, I'm not sure if it's accurate, but yeah, majority of J! champs can make that in one sitting.
Jason: Luck has something to do with it...but I am noticing that the betting at the end has been awful.
Gordon: I have no problem backing into it.
Chico: I also have no problem backing into it. I'm a results-oriented evil genius.
Gordon: But yes, its all about the bet. Speaking of which. I bet you all watched Idol this week
Jason: Oh yeah...
Chico: Yeah. I'm kinda perturbed by that.
Jason: Idol?
Chico: yeah.
Jason: What is making you mad?
Chico: Granted, when you're the most watched television show in the world, with that comes a lot of power. And as a man much wiser than I, whose work I'll be celebrating at the movies on Friday, once said, "With great power comes great responsibility."
Jason: Yes...Peter.
Chico: ha ha HA. Now, I have no problem with the raising of funds for charity, but when it's during the course of a cutthroat-sudden-death competition as Idol... I have to scratch my head like "WHAT?!
Gordon: Well, it is a TV show, and you do want the eyeballs to stick around to see who gets eliminated (though you didn't really need to), but I don't really have an issue with that.
Chico: I'm not mad as I am... confused.
Jason: Well, to preview my column next week.,...I had a HUGE problem this week with the whole charity thing.
Chico: Granted, Ryan did explain how all of this was going to go down, and this isn't the first non-elimination week in recorded history, but you have all this mishmash of heart-string stories and entertainment bits, and it's all with the AI logo on it. Reeks of commercialism. What's your take on it, G?
Gordon: I didn't have a problem with it. When Ryan promised the most shocking results ever before the voting process even started, you knew something was up.
Chico: Yeah. I think blind albino cavebats saw that result coming.
Gordon: Then Jason was a blind albino cavebat that didn't see the rock about to hit his head.
Jason: OW! What was that again?
Gordon: I don't have a problem with the fact that they are putting up a benefit. Maybe, if anything, I have a problem with what the money is going to be used for. Instead of just providing food, why not provide services to help them get out of poverty? You have to teach them how to fish, and I feel like all we are doing is giving them fish, which is fine - until they get hungry again
Chico: Money buying resources... A hand up instead of a hand out... Wow. What a concept.
Jason: And you are dealing with governments (at least on the African side) that didn't get the food to starving Ethiopians when Live Aid happened in 1984!
Chico: I hope someone's listening.
Jason: I give Ellen credit...she put up $100,000 of her own cash.
Chico: And challenged her showbiz friends to do the same.
Gordon: The nice thing about the proceeds going to America is that you know that everything will be going to a good cause...you hope.
Chico: Do we have the final numbers yet, G?
Gordon: As of right now, its over 65 million
Chico: Decent amount. And hey, we got someone whose dead singing with someone whose recording career is dead out of it. On semi-taped television!
Jason: Seeing Celine Dion perform with a deceased Elvis Presley was cool.
Chico: That was awesome! That was a nice piece of CGI there.
Jason: The entertainment was cool...and yes...Borat, Pink and Gwen Stefani were missing.
Chico: And no one knows for the life of them why.
Gordon: Not enough time, probably. They crammed a lot into that show
Chico: Yeah, we could've used Hugh Laurie, half the cast of Friends, Keira Knightley, Shaquille O'Neal, Miss Piggy, and Seacrest lipsynching "Staying Alive"
Gordon: Or maybe they saved them for late May Sweeps. What sweeps news do we have?
Chico: Anyway, dead people rising from the grave.. yeah, it can only be sweeps, eh?
Jason: Here's the broom. Wheel starts 3 weeks in San Diego this week.
Chico: Let's see... we have the Jeopardy! College Championships coming up, the second one this season. Deal or No Deal's 100th episode. Finales of Survivor and Idol... A Price is Right Million Dollar Spectacular. A Bob Barker retrospective special. And tonight... if you're a fan of How I Met Your Mother (like I am) or The Price is Right (like I am)... you're not going to want to miss this episode. Barney meets Bob... It can only be sweeps, folks. Enjoy it while you can, because on May 24... it all... slows... down...
Jason: Till the summer doldrums...and then....
Chico: Six syndicated quizzers and the Price is Right with new host goodness. Call it the calm before the typhoon.
Jason: Yeah baby. I need my Temptation
Chico: Hell yeah, I need my Temptation =p
Gordon: I need my Brainvision
Chico: We're gonna need a bigger Choppler. Someone better get the Travises on the phone.
Jason: Do we have the budget?
Chico: ... we're working on that =p We have the Paraplegic Hamster people on the line... and they're trying to work though the whole red tape. It's all messy... yeah. Gordon, start us up.
Gordon: Don't forget to give back to the Hamsters. No...wait...that's not it.
Chico: WLTI Gives Back is next season, dude.
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. First article...

Without Prejudice? has been greenlit by GSN for production. We're going one hour every Tuesday starting July 19. And the host? Dr. Robi Ludwig.

Jason: This is going to be a hot show.
Chico: Yeah. You know I was a big fan of the UK version. And me comparing British people to American people... this is going to be landmark television.
Jason: The audition was brutal too.
Chico: Americans at their most primal, unabashed... no masks... Yeah, how was that audition?
Jason: Well, since I wasn't called....brutal. I was drained.
Chico: Dude. So they just peppered you with random questions then?
Jason: No. They basically did a quick run through of the show and let us have at.
Chico: Ah. Brutal.
Jason: And yes, the gloves came off.
Chico: If the audition was brutal, then the show should be murder... Good television.
Jason: Big marks for GSN trying this. Columnists will have their panties in a twist over this.
Gordon: Hopefully, we won't be said columnists.
Chico: Hey, it's proven. That's a good thing! Proven is good!
Jason: But hopefully the show wont lose the translation. This could be a sleeper GSN hit.
Chico: It worked for Iron Chef... the second time =p
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Let's see, what else was a proven hit abroad? Oh yes, Show Me The Money, Star Academy...aka, The One...
Chico: Yeah, but this basic cable. Standard for success... Incredibly lower.
Gordon: Next one... Who wants a date with a Superhero?
Chico: (insert tasteful JVG-AJJ remark here)
Jason: You mean like the Captain America guy with the Burrito down his pants?
Gordon: If you want to date him, I'm sure he's available.

For the rest of us, the second season of Who Wants to be a Superhero flies in on July 25th. 3 days earlier, we get the second season of Design Star.

Chico: Now that's something to look forward to. The first season was pretty good and I expect the second to do as well.
Gordon: It should be fun. Design Star...not so much
Chico: I could do without that, thanks.
Jason: And in a bit of Scifi/ECW synergy...Balls Mahoney has taped an appearance for it.
Chico: So Superhero... is Stan Lee still involved?
Gordon: And yes, Stan Lee is still involved and returns.
Chico: Yay! Game on, y'all... Okay, speaking of, who wants to get loaded?
Jason: Hic on
Chico: Who likes Crystal Maze?
Gordon: Me!
Jason: Great stuff.
Chico: Who has a cell phone?
Jason: I do!

Dynamo Games is releasing a mobile version of "The Crystal Maze" for cell phones in the UK.

Jason: Interesting...
Chico: You'll be able to take on the Aztec, Industrial, Futuristic, and Medieval zones on your phones in Q4 2007... so in time for Christmas.
Jason: Very cool. Can't wait to see how that works.
Chico: Should be available on all major carriers. You may want to call first, though.
Gordon: Well, next I have some things that aren't going to be on your available carriers
Chico: Haterade?
Jason: Is it a single or double shot?
Gordon: Double
Chico: Serve up.

For starters, no more Kourtney with a K on Vh1, as MyGames Fever has taken a terminal form of cancellationitis

Chico: No more yo-yos?
Gordon: The only yo-yo's left are the executives that thought that you could get an audience with arcane and unwinnable games.
Jason: Yes. WHOO-HOO!
Chico: No more waving cutlasses all willy-nilly pretending to be Spartans?
Jason: Nope! Whoo-hoo! No more craptacularly bad interactive games!
Gordon: I do have a question though - do you think it was because of the fact that they were now losing money on it because people were getting wise and were using the internet and playing for free?
Chico: I'm sure there was a way around that, like they get paid for each hit or something.
Jason: Could be rabbit.
Chico: After all, so many people playing Playmania for free... yet they're making bowels of money.
Gordon: According to cynopsis.com, the TV networks were being paid by a percentage of money taken in by the texting instead of advertising.
Chico: Ah. Well met. So stations lose money. And we all know that in a black and white world, the only color that REALLY matters... is green. And the only presidents that really matter... are the dead ones in my pocket. Lack of quality notwithstanding, of course.
Jason: Of course.
Gordon: Yes. Continuing with dead programming...

On another note, we find that audiences don't like dramatical send ups of game shows, so FOX's Drive - after 4 episodes - is yanked.

Jason: And the Condemned--a running man/reality show ripoff is doing poorly...although I liked it.
Gordon: The COndemned is a cheap rip-off of a much better movie - Battle Royale. Speaking of Battle Royale, are we going over to where it was set this week, Chico?
Chico: Hmm.. Let's go to. *closes eyes, points to spot on globe* ... always with the UK, isn't it... Well, let's work with it.
Jason: True.

Now, we all know that "Set for Life" ... still hasn't aired in the US... but Nicky Campbell is set to host the British version.

Chico: New, ABC is sitting on yet another show. Now the last time this happened, it was for a little show called "Deal or No Deal". Look what happened there. JUST saying.
Jason: Yeah...let's not go 2 for 2
Gordon: We have a problem this week, Chico
Chico: What's the problem?
Gordon: TOO MANY HOES!
Jason: Never too many!
Chico: Anyway we can condense the volume?
Jason: Bring em on!
Chico: I mean, "Area Codes" is only so long! I might have to bring out
"Pimpin' All The Over the World" for this one... (plays "Pimpin' All Over the World")
Jason: Another Luda Classic
Gordon: We have a HOEverload!
Chico: Vent! VENT!
Gordon: Lets start with the big bad Audition process.

We have had many e-mails from people asking how their kid can audition to be a 5th grader. Well YOU CAN AUDITION NOW! Go to fox.com to submit an application.

Chico: Is it for contestants or 5th graders?
Gordon: 5th Graders. There's new class coming in. Makes sense, because you can't have 5th graders repeating the grade. I mean the kids are too smart to be left back.
Chico: Ah, right.
Jason: And maybe we can get some...non-actors in there.
Gordon: Never gonna happen.
Jason: We can dream cant we.
Chico: Any more ho-venting?

We're also looking for Hoes for Wheel of Fortune, (Pittsburgh), Deal or no Deal (Michigan), and I Love New York (vh1.com).

Jason: You mean she didn't find love in season 1? I am shocked.
Gordon: SHOCKED....ok, maybe not so shocked.

In other news featuring current media hoes, Carrie Fisher, Brett Ratner, Garry Marshall and Jon Avnet start the judging on On the Lot, Matt Vasgersian gets tabbed to host season 4 of World Series of BlackJack. Heather Mills may be going to Big Brother UK, Regis Philbin comes back to his show - YAY REEG!

Jason: Great to see you back, my friend!
Chico: Woo!

Rosie O'Donnell leaves The View, Sanjaya Malakar's family has a history of being arrested for pot (which explains a heck of a lot, if you ask me)...

Chico: *rimshot*

Tyra Banks accidentally skips out on a restaurant tab (but don't worry, she paid it and left a nice tip), Joey Fatone says that Dancing With the Stars is more intense than NSync. Bucky Covington's debut album debuts at #1 in country, joining Kellie Pickler's debut status, while James Sun NOW says that he didn't really want to win The Apprentice. Sure you didn't.

Jason: Liar Liar pants on fire...
Gordon: But none of them are the Ho of the week
Jason: Hoe-ly smoke...who is it?
Chico: Does the ho of the week involve steak?
Gordon: No. We'll get to that later on in the show. This involves...hair.
Chico: ... Hair?
Gordon: Bert Newton's hair
Jason: Oh yeah!
Chico: Wonder what the going price is on right now.
Gordon: As in Bert Newton's hairpiece, which is a prize in a Family Feud contest. First place gets his hairpiece, a stand to put it on, and $10,000 for various haircleaning products. So the media ho of the week is...Bert Newton's hairpiece.
Jason: The hairpiece aspires to be as famous as William Shatner's.
Gordon: And those...pant, pant, pant...are your hoes.
Chico: Walk it off, Gordon. Okay, Accuracy or Idiocy and Would You Could You on the other side of the break, but I bet you want to know who you think Bob should tap as the next host of TPIR, do you?
Jason: Oh yeah.
Chico: I should say that this got our most amount of votes yet... and at least 5 of them were from the same person at or around the same time. Come on... this is non-scientific.
Gordon: I never thought Id see Powervoting on WLTI
Chico: Anyways, 72% of you thought... Todd Newton.
Jason: Wow. He is the heir apparent.
Chico: Then came Rich, John O'Ho'ley, and "someone else." This week's question....
Gordon: We're going to do something different this week. instead of voting for what you like the most, we're going to ask you to vote on what you liked the LEAST

[FrontPage Save Results Component] Now that they're all gone, what call-in show was the worst? Play2Win Midnight Money Madness My Games Fever PlayMania... and it's still there! Make it go away!!!11

Chico: Results next week. Would You Could You... next. This is We Love to Interrupt, celebrating five years with only two cancellations.

(BrainVision has been brought to you today by Toupee Wars! Take all of the hair lopped off by the Shear Genius haircutters, glue them on battlebots and you have an appetitte for scalp destruction! Bert Newton hosts.)

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