September 12, 2006
"Game Show Man" Joe Van
Four of television's biggest game show have their season
on the fifth anniversary of 9/11?!?! WTH? PLUS Celebrity Duets is a
All this and more, today, on Game Show Man's Sparring Partners!
(From VBS Cybervision City, this is the game show webchat debate show that'll
knock you out...this is Game Show Man's Sparring Partners. Now, here's the Game
Show Man himself, Joe Van Ginkel.)
Gordon Pepper: (applause)
Jason Block: (applause)
Joe: Welcome to the show, children. Let's meet our award-winning panel. First,
the Sage of Studio 33, Travis Schario.
Travis Schario: (*sitting in the "Right" chair of Contestants Row*) Kickoff
Weekend, baby. YEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!
Joe: For football, and for...well, we'll talk about them in a moment.
Travis: BRONCO NATION!!
Joe: Next, Mr. Reality, Gordon Pepper.
Gordon: Of all the teams that North Carolina had to lose to, I feel honored that
this weekend, I am eating New Jersey Fried Tarheels!!!
Chico Alexander: That's it. I'm outta here.
Joe: ROFL We're at it already, folks.
Gordon: Come on here...Rutgers? You're going to lose to...Rutgers!!??!?!
Travis: Rutgers plays the Bobcats of Ohio University next weekend. You watch
Joe: Next, making his Sparring Partners debut, the Chairman himself, Chico
Chico: What it is, Joe.
Joe: What it isn't. :D
Joe: And finally, making HIS Sparring Partners debut, Admiral Brooklyn himself,
Jason: Until he wins a Super Bowl, I have two words for you....Peyton who?
Gordon: And I'll be making fun of your college next week, punky
Travis: Bobcats by 3
Jason: And besides...the Panthers lost this week too anyway.
what's up with that mess?
Joe: Okay, let's lay off the football for now...
We play eight rounds, the first six with three questions, and the last two with
only two. For each question, I'll pick two people to debate their answers.
Remember, I'm not necessarily looking for opposing viewpoints, I'm looking for
the stronger argument. You'll go until you hear this sound...
At that point, I'll score the argument. Ten points for the winner, nine or less
for the loser, depending on how strong or weak the argument was. At the end of
the fourth and sixth rounds, there will be knockouts; eliminations of the low
scorer, who will then transfer to the judge's desk for the rest of the show.
The winner gets to plug a website of their choice.
Jason: (pounding fists) Lets get it on baby. You guys are mine.
Joe: Jason's ready, what about the rest of you?
Chico: Let's do it.
Travis: Yeah, let's rock
Joe: Then on to ROUND ONE!
First up...Kickoff Weekend indeed...two important events take place on September
11. One is of course the fifth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, when terrorists
flew airliners into the World Trade Center, killing thousands. For Gordon and
Chico: Let the smack begin.
Five years later, are we really any safer? (Yes I'm Going Off the Board.)
Gordon: I actually think that we are safer. Atleast in the area that I'm in.
During the Summer, between airline searches, concert searches, and of course the
masterful job of defusing a UK terrorist scheme...
Gordon: ...I think that these procedures are things that we didn't have in place
5 years ago.
Chico: We have several measures in place to keep us safe, but I radically think
that our resources are concentrated where they don't need to be. Sure we may be
safer than we were five years ago, but...
Chico: for all intents and purposes, we could be a bit safer if our government
were managing our resources properly instead of playing politics with damn near
everything (erm, Tom Delay).
Chico: But yes, we are safer than we were five years ago.
Gordon: It's a good point, but it's not the question. The question is are we
safer, not are we as safe as we should be
Joe: CLANG! Gordon wins this one, but I'll say this...I'll feel safer when Osama
Bin Laden's head is on a pike in front of the Pentagon.
Gordon 10 - Chico 9
Joe: Jason and Travis, this one's for you.
Gordon: Then he would Osalami Bin Laden
Jason: Yes sir.
Joe: On the same day, something far lighter, and closer to our hearts takes
place: Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy! and the revamped Family Feud have their
Jason: As well as Millionaire.
Travis: Yeah...what he said.
Joe: AND MILLIONAIRE TOO! I forgotted.
Which show's season premiere are you most excited about?
Jason: This one is easy. Although I am a big fan of Millionaire, Wheel and
Jeopardy...Family Feud really strikes my fancy. New Set, New Host...30th
Anniversary....and the videos have shown that O'Hurley has blown away anything
Anderson and Karn have ever done.
Travis: I'm definitely excited to see Feud on TV, since I've seen it in studio.
Also, with the colorful revamping that WoF has gone thru (and the fact I was
there that day), I'm excited for that one as well.
Joe: CLANG! This one's a draw. Family Feud is looking REALLY good.
Travis 10 - Jason 10
Jason: All of them look awesome. And if you have an HDTV...Wheel is going to
blow you away. No doubt.
Joe: That'll make my dad happy.
Chico: Get your happy on.
Joe: This one's for Chico and Travis...
What will you do to commemorate 9/11 this year?
Chico: Work. Heh.
Joe: Besides that.
Chico: No, seriously, I live next to an army base, and we have a museum
downtown, so we're going to be taking that in. Airborne!
Joe: Heh. Travis?
Travis: Keep it in my mind while I go to work. That's all I really can do.
Joe: CLANG! Chico's gonna win this one, but not by much.
Chico 10 - Travis 9
At the end of one...
Chico 19 - Travis 19 - Gordon 10 - Jason 10
And Jason, you will give our love to the people of NYC, won't you?
Joe: :D On to Round Two. Celebrity Duets! On our last show, our panel made light
of the Simon Cowell-produced, Wayne Brady-hosted show...only to see it do big
numbers for Fox. For Gordon and Jason...
Jason: Yes sir.
Joe: How can I word this...
What the hell?
Gordon: Let's see what's on my tv set...repeat on CBS...repeat on NBC...repeat
on ABC...repeat on CW...crap on MyNetwork...oh look it's Xena! She's blonde,
singing and still has big breasts! Let's watch!
Jason: And you have the AI formula...C list celebrities, the voting by the
American Public, and not one, but two incoherent judges...what's not to love?
This is But Can They Sing Lite.
Joe: CLANG! Except that it looks like they actually found people who can sing
this time. Jason wins.
Gordon: You can watch the incoherent judge. I'll watch Lucy Lawless's and Carly
Jason: They are real and spectacular.
Gordon 9 - Jason 10
Joe: This one's for Gordon and Travis...
Who ya got to win this thing?
Travis: A) I have no idea who's competing. B) I think Stan Marsh said it best
in the "Towelie" episode of South Park..."Don't care, don't care, don't care."
But, if I were to guess...the chick with the hot rack.
Gordon: After the last episode, where the only think entertaining was the hot
racks and the singing took a nosedive, I would agree with Travis, but as long as
they keep feeding Jai Rodriguez R and B songs which are right in his wheelhouse,
it's his to lose, with the Amazonian with big shields for racks close behind.
Joe: CLANG! Gordon wins this one.
Gordon 10 - Travis 8
Finally, for Jason and Chico...
Who would you like to see on this show...assuming there's another season of it?
Chico: I'd like to see Joe Lawrence and maybe no one from But Can They Sing...
I'm pretty sure Jasmine Guy from Dead Like Me can sing.
Jason: David Hasselhoff. If he can be successful in Germany he can win there.
And besides, a career in Germany in not anything to be proud of :) Except in
the movie Dodgeball.
Joe: CLANG! Chico wins. We love the Hoff, but the man can't sing.
Chico 10 - Jason 8
At the end of two...
Gordon 29 - Chico 29 - Jason 28 - Travis 27
Chico: In deference to Jason, the Hoff can sing.. just needs better song
Joe: Break time on Sparring Partners. More after this...
(Dedicated to the memory of those who died on September 11, 2001. Gone, but not