April 2, 2007
Today... seven minutes that meant absolutely nothing in the game show
Chico: Contrast that to about 30 seconds (at a time) that meant everything
to a few people...Who? Oh, that wouldn't be fun if I just TOLD you, now would
Jason: Yes of course.
Chico: .... and all the while, Gordon's computer decides to play April Fools
pranks on him.
Gordon: There's this little red creature popping up on my screen. He keeps
yelling 'Hee hee hee...I cannot tell a lie, you control alt deleted!'
Jason: Ah the Bill Gates Whammy.
Chico: LMAO. h4xx0red. =p That's the only time you'll ever see me type that.
Chico: Let's start this before he hits another one of those liitle red
demons... From Somewhere in America, the April Fools edition of WLTI... is...
Gordon: Along side Chico today we have Jason Block and Don Harpwood. Good
Don: Good morning.
Jason: Hello there.
Chico: Sup with you? Feeling better, I hope.
Jason: From what?
Chico: He had the throat death, something like that.
Gordon: Im feeling better from my cold, thanks. Someone who's probably not
feeling good right now - Paulina Porizkova.
Chico: Ah, let's start with that. Seven minutes. To you and me... not a lot.
To Fox and ABC... everything.
Jason: Oh yeah....
Chico: Tuesday night's programming was offset by that much because of an
overage of American Idol, going into Dancing... with a four minute overlap.
Jason: Gwen Stefani v. Tom Bergeron
Chico: The story was in order to cut into Dancing Results' time, Idol
extended the show by seven minutes. As a result, ABC offset the results show by
that much. So it was about, oh, 10:02 when we find out that Paulina Porizkova
was not going to be dancing NEXT week. This was supposed to be some big thing
between the two networks, but the results were, at best, minimal.
Gordon: Here's the interesting thing - Paulina was not close to being the
worst dancer - and neither was the person who joined her in the bottom two.
Chico: That would be Shandi, of course, who lives to strut her gigantic self
another day :)
Jason: As we said, we heart Shandi
Gordon: Yes, but she was in the TOP HALF of the standings and wound up
second to last. She has zero fan support
Jason: That's true.
Chico: If I had to choose the person who was the worst, but got the largest
pouring of fan support...Heather Mills. About as good a dancer as Sanjaya is a
Gordon: That's a bit of a surprise that Heather would get all of that
support, isn't it?
Chico: Actually, I take that back. Heather Mills is better as a dancer than
Sanjaya is a singer :)
Jason: Oh yeah. A big one.
Chico: Actually, not that much of a surprise, as Heather reminds the
world... over and over... that she is a unipod.
Chico: That had to get her a few thousand votes.
Jason: For a while.
Don: Sympathy, eh?
Gordon: She'll get past the dancers with no fan base. She will run into
trouble when she has to goi up against the powerhouses
Chico: That and Bruno says that "She has more guts than Rambo."
Jason: Bruno needs to be quiet.
Chico: Question now... does Quiznation start to mobilize to rally behind
Chico: ... Care to elaborate on that?
Jason: The quiznation fan base isn't strong.
Chico: I know, I know, but come on... how about a minor dent...Just a little
bit, man... JUST A LITTLE BIT!
Gordon: Let me give you a cold, sobering fact, Chico. Even if ALL of
playmania voted...that still only represents around a 0.3 in the ratings. That
won't make much of a dent in the voting.
Don: True. There also has to be some Lingo fans out there.
Chico: Well, the season premieres Monday. That's MONDAY... at 7:30.
Chico: So maybe enough to save her another week (probably), but that's it.
Gordon: Nope. Bye bye, Shandi.
Chico: But those are the rules. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Gordon: So explain this to me. People will spend $10 a day for 1 one in 10
million shot of winning a hat, but they won't make a FREE call for a
Jason: Its a nice hat.
Chico: I guess they don't like Jessica York as much as we... don't. =p All
of a sudden, it makes perfect sense. On the other side of the equation, two
people who really deserved elimination, one more so than the other... The
eliminated... the other. In the battle of Curly vs. Rooster in Heat, Rooster
Jason: Yes Curly goes bye bye
Gordon: The sad fact was the rooster was not the worst singer. he actually
had a good second half of the song.
Chico: I think a comparison shot is in order. Vs. board time!
Chico: The title: Sanjaya vs. Chris...First of all... let's get into
generals... Chris Sligh is a rocker-lite, while Sanjaya puts the bop in
teeny-bopper. Chris took the game seriously... Sanjaya... not so much.
Jason: Sanjaya is the non-threatening boy that the Ashley Perl's of the
Chico: Performance-wise... Chris started strong, but toward this week, made
a few costly errors..
Jason: And he was off beat most of the song. I had him gone. He
Chico: Sanjaya... was just consistently bad.
Gordon: Sanjaya's teeny boppers are more willing to vote than Sligh's
alternative audience. And therein lies the X-factor. Aka the It, aka the Yo.
Jason: Da Yo, yes.
Gordon: Here's the sad thing. Everyone was talking about Sanjaya's
performances. There was...maybe...one Sligh performance we wound up talking
Chico: And wouldn't you believe it, it was the Endless Love butchery. What
the heck are the chances? Again, the X. And it's as simple as explaining the
connection between performer and target demo. Sanjaya had it... Chris didn't.
Gordon: Both people are represented by Vote For The Worst, who have endorsed
both candidates. The good news is that they only have 1 left in the running
Jason: So who does Tony Bennett help or hurt next week?
Chico: Good question. I defer to Gordon. Because singers & standards... you
REALLY have to try to mess them up.
Gordon: Let's see. We're looking at old standards week. What singers have
been living in the Old Standards catalog?
Jason: Melinda and Lakisha
Chico: The same people that have been leading this whole thing... Melinda
and LaKisha. Blake commutes from time to time, but the farthest back he's gone
was 60s with British invasion week.
Jason: Sanjaya is in his own world. Chris R could do well. Gina--not
sure...Haley is in deep trouble
Chico: I think Gina could surprise.
Jason: So could Jordin
Chico: Haley and Phil have mountains to climb. Haley still has that nasty
vibrato to contend with, while Phil... is just damn scary.
Gordon: Phil sang very well last week and his fan base knew he needed votes
- but he was in the bottom three. That spells a proble - and with Haley voters
knowing that they HAVE to vote for her or she's gone, she'll be safe.
Don: Those were the same two that joined Sligh in the bottom 3 this past
Gordon: Yes. So unless someone really messes up, Phil will be getting his
Chico: You mean it this time?
Gordon: This is the first time I said Phil was leaving
Chico: Oh. My bad. I keep saying Phil was leaving.
Gordon: You mean it this time?
Chico: I don't know. Should I mean it this time?
Gordon: Yeah. this time, you probably should. So you can say it and then
Sanjaya will go home ;)
Jason: I was at a friends house who is participating in the HS campaign.
Chico: The HS campaign?
Jason: Howard Stern
Chico: So we know of at least ONE person doing that.
Chico: And as they always say, for every one we know, there's like 10 we
Gordon: Here's what I don't get. How in the world do you think it's going to
Chico: By proving that it's nothing more than a popularity contest disguised
as a talent show?
Gordon: All this is doing is increasing the publicity in the show and
getting a fan base that couldn't care less before now actively involved
Chico: Because, and the judges keep arguing this, "This is a singing
competition". Peter Noone got it exactly right. It isn't a singing competition.
It's a voting competition. If it were a singing competition, it'd be on the
Gordon: Even if Sanjaya wins (which he won't), but let's just say he even
gets to the finals. Can you imagine how huge the ratings are goi ng to be for
Chico: But there's a show element, and the point is to sell the show.
Jason: Yes it would. But I am asking...if Sanjaya won...what do you think
Chico: And you figured that by now, the show sells itself, but then again,
they said the same thing about Miss America. I think the resulting chaos would
be even too much for Chaos Theory scholars to calculate :)
Gordon: Not at all. FOX couldn't care less on who wins. The ratings are
going to be huge as long as Sanjaya stays in the competition
Chico: Fox just sees one thing... money.
Chico: Money money money money money..
Don: Money makes the world go round...
Jason: So screw the integrity...full speed ahead.
Chico: Seems to be the Fox norm.
Gordon: I bet you Idol execs are hoping Sanjaya gets to the Final 4
Don: Wouldn't surprise me.
Chico: Nothing surprises me anymore :)
Gordon: The record for Anti-Idol getting the furthest, btw, is third, tied
by both Jasmine Trias and Nikki McKibbin. So to see Sanjaya get that far would
not be a total shock.
Chico: No, not really. Okay, enough talk about Mr. Fauxhawk. Next, we
have... a new show to talk about!
Chico: So let's talk new show!
Chico: The Great American Dream Vote basically has people who have dreams
that want to be granted. People vote on it, and the results are released on the
Jason: Except the show is gone.
Chico: It's all feel-good television and... oh, I'm sorry, you just got
Chico: (TPIR losing horns)
Gordon: This was going to be a stinker the second it left the gate. Didn't
they learn anything from My Kind of Town? ANything at all?
Jason: Of course they didnt.
Chico: Not much. Well, not for lack of trying. They did put it on after
Dancing with the Stars. It worked for Show Me the Money... first couple of
weeks. Then it was left to stand on its own devices... and well... clearly it
didn't. So moral of the story, just as a rose by any other name would smell as
sweet, a flawed execution of a flawed concept will stink no matter where you put
it. You could have it on Fox... RIGHT AFTER Idol... and it would still be gone
after two episodes. Because all it amounts to is... and I attribute Mr. Klauss
for this... "Televised Begging", with Donny Osmond. And Burton Richardson
Jason: There you go.
Gordon: And if I may send a little message to GSN...you know that personal
Telethon Idea you have? That's what's going to happen to it if you put it on the
air. Please don't torment us with that concept. Signed, the general public.
Chico: PS: We beg of you. From a full-fledged Stop to a Rewind. We start the
Rewind with Doug Hicton shooting himself in the foot. He made an impressive run
on the Jeopardy!, but when all was said and done, a close game plus a wrong
answer in the Final equals a new champion... and the Zerg cam.
Chico: You all know what the Zerg-cam is, right?
Jason: The holy crap look you get
Chico: And the camera that captures it.
Gordon: As in...'huhIdidwhahuhwho'?
Chico: Named for Nancy Zerg, whose "OMG I just knocked off a champion!" look
was captured for posterity. Doug Hicton was knocked off by his own petard after
he and Brendan Pimper kept it close on Wednesday. However, both players bet
against each other and LOST on Final Jeopardy!...Samantha Ross was right to
Gordon: You have to double up and hope both players screwed up. in this
case, it was a huge blunder by Brandan Pimper
Chico: So when Doug got Final Jeopardy! wrong. and they revealed the wager
to be almost all of his $20,000 plus to bet ahead of Brendan's $20,000... Cue
the Zergcam. And just like Zerg before her, the next day, Samantha was knocked
Jason: There you go.
Gordon: Continuing that same theme, we have history made on 5th
Chico: The player in question, a member of the Girth Brotherhood, Pat
Germano...The category: 3rd Grade Science. The question:
What is the lowest layer of the earth's atmosphere?
Chico: Class, write your answer now.
Don: C) Troposphere
Chico: Okay, you all say C. Pat elects to copy classmate Kyle's answer. Kyle
said B... Correct answer...C.
Chico: Pat Germano, the first person in the history of Are You Smarter Than
a 5th Grader, to absolutely positively in all form and fashion... FLUNK OUT.
Chico: Complete with "Flunk out" graphic. Just to hammer the point home.
Chico: But at least he's a sport about it. That was the first question... on
3rd Grade Science So there you go, a contestant who not only made history... but
Chico: Switching to Survivor. Let's say you found the hidden Immunity Idol.
What's the dirtiest thing you can do once you find it?
Jason: Go Neener neener neener
Chico: Even dirtier than THAT.
Jason: use it to screw someone over big time?
Chico: ... getting there.
Gordon: Plant a fake one?
Chico: Gordon got it.
Jason: Oh my goodness.
Don: THAT is dirty.
Chico: Yau-Man finds the hidden Idol at camp, and then uses an empty cocnut
husk to plant a fake Immunity Idol at the same place.
Jason: How close does it look?
Chico: Well, a comparison. Real immunity Idol: a small clay turtle
looking... thing. Fake Immunity Idol: a coconut shell fashioned as a turtle
shell... looking... thing.
Chico: With a piece of twine wconnected to it.
Jason: Oh thats going to hurt.
Chico: Now this is considering that no one still knows what the thing looks
Chico: I can imagine someone finding it... then trying to use it at
Tribal...Laugh riot a-plenty.
Jason: And Jeff going...that isn't the idol.
Don: Oh, I'd definitely like to see that.
Gordon: Someone's going to be an Apri Fool
Chico: But it isn't going to be resident loudmouth Rocky, who was voted off.
Best part: he didn't see it coming. And speaking of April Fools... I notice
Fluffy is wearing glasses and Gordon Jr. is wearing a hat. Someone switched
their clothing for the day, I'm assuming.
Gordon: Pretty mu....oh no. WHO SHAVED MY HAMSTER'S HEAD??!!? CHICO!!!!!!!!!
Chico: Um.... .... Rollthatbeautifulbrainfootage! *runs into wall... again*
Gordon: Ill be rolling something upside your head! Roll That Beautiful Brain
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your
frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Okay, first item before Gordon wails on me... I swear, it looked good
Gordon: Uh huh. So will your head after I Chia Seed it. First article?
Temptation has cleared 70% of the nation, Let's Play Crosswords clears 65%, and
GSN is putting through two of its planned series to tape, Buena Vista's
Camouflage and 12 yard's Without Prejudice.
Chico: Of course you know, the first two will bow in the fall. Camouflage, a
word game, is slated to go to air in July, and Without Prejudice is now casting.
Jason: I have some news about that.
Chico: Do tell, Jason.
Jason: I actually went to the casting audition as a panelist...not for the
$25,000. I can't say what I did. but if you want to know the concept of the game
look here. http://www.ukgameshows.com/page/index.php/Without_Prejudice%3F It's
Chico: Yeah, it aired for awhile on BBC america... You know, before the
Doctor Who age began. :)
Jason: It's a great show.
Chico: Okay, Gordon, if I apologize for the hamster, will you present the
Gordon: Ok. =P
Chico: I apologize for the hamster. Here's a hamster hairpiece.
Jason: Straight from Donald Trump
Focusing on shows coming up, we have news from Season 6 of Lingo. We'll have
more online vs. champions of the past fun, and there will also be an online
tournament. in addition to that, we get... podcasting.
Chico: THey did that with High Stakes Poker, it's one of the top podcasts
Chico: This could play out just as well. And just as loaded... or perhaps
not as much anymore.
A Loaded/Global crossover update, as "Game Show Marathon" and "Millionaire"
phone-ins in the UK are cleared of any wrongdoing.
Chico: That's an awfully thoughtful "hmmm".
Jason: Yeah. I mean, if you read my column...they may be cleared, but do you
think the damage has already been done?
Chico: Almost like gluing together a statue you broke. Sure it looks the
same... but it never is.
Gordon: The problem isnt those shows. The problem is the other shows that
are popping up
Chico: No, but you know, popular thought will link anything involving a text
to... well, this sort of thing. Hence the need for ITV to have all of their
Jason: and all other networks including the bbc?
Jason: But even so, I think the interactive market in the UK and Europe has
Gordon: Speaking of hurt, we got some freshly brewed Haterade
Jason: How many glasses should I set?
Gordon: 1, and it's a nobrainer this week.
Chico: Rosie again?!
America has spoken. With only 2 shows aired, we would like to tell the Great
Amwerican Dream Voting to get off of our television set. Thank you.
Chico: I've said it before and I'll say it again. "Mike Fleiss should not be
allowed on television. Period."
Gordon: I think Donny Osmond needs a vacation. Can he Span the World?
Jason: He is doing Pyramid UK, so yeah.
Chico: He can and has... but we're not talking about him. Instead, we're
talking about the X-Factor.
Jason: Yo, Dawg...Are we talking about the X-Factor?
Looks like "AI" on steroids is in a rebuilding phase after Simon Cowell fired
host Kate Thornton and judge Louis Walsh. In their place... "1 vs. 100" host
Dermot O'Leary and "Idol" Dawgfather Randy Jackson.
Chico: If they rename it "The Yo Factor"... I swear to freakin' God....
Jason: YO, indeed.
Don: Yo, yo, yo.
Chico: Like... Yo.
Gordon: Ludacris says Yo all the time, doesnt he?
Chico: ... no.
Jason: No...he says "HO!
Chico: *plays "Runaway Love f/ Mary J. Blige"*.... Okay, who's been fiddling
with the audio?
(Gordon Jr. whispers something in Gordon's ear)
Gordon: ...fess up, Jay.
Jason: Ok It was me. I like the song, it has anice groove.
Gordon: Whats up with Jason and the female roles?
Jason: NO COMMENT! =p
Chico: Okay, who besides Randy and Dermot should we know about this week, G?
In this week's Media Ho Report, Vincent Pastore needs a cane to walk with now
thanks to Dancing With the Stars, while DWTS alum John O'Hurley does Spamalot
Chico: Survey says... Spam?
Laila Ali is engaged to former NFLers Curtis Conway, Constantin Maroulis does
Bold and the Beautiful, Ken Jennings goes to Whatcom County to challenge the
townies there, Penn and Teller win a Superbowl Contest, while the UK cast of Dr.
Who will be doing a Weakest Link game for charity.
Jason: That will be fun.
Gordon: But none of them are your hoes of the week.
Chico: My curiosity is verily piqued. The tension mounts, oh, what a
Gordon: The Ho of the week is...New York, who has decided that she is going
to date...Jason Block!
Chico: (Li'l Jon) WHAT?!(/LJ)
Gordon: What do you have to say babout this, Jason?
Jason: Well, there is a reason why Jewish Cold Cuts are the best :)\
Gordon: Unfortunately for Jason, it is an April Fool's joke. Sorry Jay.
Jason: Thanks a lot guys!
Gordon: Seriously, the Ho of the week is Shandi Finessi. Taking the
traditional media ho outlet, she is desperate enough for votes that she takes
her dance partner with her to hose Playmania this past weekend.
Jason: Got to troll for votes somehow.
Chico: Come on, Quiznation. Mount up. I know you can do it. You've spent
more time and money on less.
Jason: Go Shandi go
Chico: Cruel, maybe... but am I wrong?
Jason: not really
Gordon: Cant say you are, no
Chico: There you go. Okay, that'll do it for Brainvision. Please don't shave
your pets at home. Anywho, we've got a new game and a returning-from-hibernation
favorite on the other side of the break, but first, last week, we asked who
should get the game show host Emmy. 23% of you said that Gordon and I should...
unfortunately, if chosen, we may not run. :(
Chico: But the top voteg etter, with 40%... anyone?
Jason: Mr. B?
Don: Bob Barker?
Chico: No, Jason, not Ben Bailey. =p
Chico: Don is right, though. Bob Barker won that one with 40%, but will he
win the big one? Find out June 15.
Jason: Which is Bob's last original show on air, I believe.
Gordon: So whats this week's question?
Chico: This week's question concerns Barker's newest
Beauty, Mercedes..Simple question...
Chico: Give, of course, meaning, throw her back in the LA model pool. Keep
meaning she's a keeper. Too soon to tell meaning... too soon to tell. Results
next week, meanwhile, we're boarding the last bus to Whammyville after the
break. This is WLTI, celebrating five years of being educational... AND
(Brainvision has been brought to you by Kentucky Fried Tarheels. Now with the DC
Georgetown sauce, for the extra smoky taste. Great for when your parties go into