March 5, 2007

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper and my arms are tired from all of this sweeping.
Jason: Lovely.
Chico: Thank your lucky stars it's March. Today... America comes down with the stupid... keeping Antonella, watching 5th graders... and sweeping hapless tribes.
Gordon: Actually, and I don't believe I'm saying this, but I am going to defend America this morning, infinitely pissing off my two co-hosts.
Jason: Bring it on.
Chico: We'll see how much. From somewhere in America, the "It can only be a lunar eclipse and a full moon at the same time" edition of WLTI... is ... on!
Jason: HOWL!
Gordon: Anyone see it? It was very pretty.
Chico: Haven't seen it. I saw the moon in the morning though. Also very pretty. Alongside Jason Block and Gordon Pepper, I'm Chico Alexander. Between the three of us... the amount of sleep we've had is less than 4 hours. So expect much bitter. But expect much good times as well.
Jason: Agreed.
Gordon: We'll deal with 5th graders and models later, but since I like the segue, we'll start with the full moon, which is the only part of Antonella Barba we haven't seen yet - and yet she's still in Idol
Chico: Although if we were to see it, Amanda Coluccio would swear!!!11 that it isn't her. Yep, it's part two of Antonella-gate, folks. This week is actually a three-tiered attack for ya. Shall I elaborate?
Jason: Go ahead.
Chico: a) The aforementioned BFF ssays the worst of the pictures of Antonella... totally not her.
Jason: Ok.
Chico: b) Nigel Lythgoe, the EP of the show, says that these allegations will not affect her standing in the contest. Obviously. And 3) ... proving that this is not just "a singing competition"... Antonella is still in the running for the highest title this year.
Jason: And she will be in the top 12...America be damned.
Gordon: And no, she will NOT be in the Top 12 this year.
Chico: I actually found a logical explanation as to why she's still in it on the web.

Chico: This one comes courtesy of one of the blogs on NJ.com. We call it... Idol... Down to Math. Hope you have your calculators.
Jason: (takes out mine)
Chico: Okay, this is what the writer comes up with...(performance quality x 2) plus (minutes of pre-semifinals screen time x 4)...plus (show placement with end of the show = 10 and beginning = 1) x (judges' comments with Simon rave = 8, Randy rant = 9, and generic compliment = 2)... plus (fan mobilization factor) - (4 x Simon insults) = possibility of staying.
Gordon: I'll make this a little easier than a blogger trying to get screen time on our show.
Chico: Ha ha HA =p
Jason: That's about as simple as the NFL playoff structure.
Chico: Makes sense, though.
Gordon: Makes sense - but the person did not take into account at all the likeability or the Chaos Theory Factor of the singer.
Chico: And that in the world of math is called a "variable" =p But think about it... Two of the people who got eliminated this week... AJ and Leslie... They got zero airtime during the early rounds. Antonella and Sanjaya had a STORYLINE. Both were easily the worst last week.
Gordon: I disagree. I do not think she was the worst. I thought Leslie was the worst, and I thought that Alaina was worse than Antonella as well.
Jason: Leslie sounded like she was having an epileptic seizure. No offense to anyone out there. And Alaina SCREAMED her performance last week.
Chico: Maybe, but even so, you did say yourself, Idol is not a sprint, it's a marathon, And so far, in this Tour de France of singing, if you had anyone with A in their first name, you were royally screwed, I thought.
Gordon: Yes. Here are my reasons on why Antonella is not making the Top 12.
Chico: Let's hear it.
Gordon: 1. This is a singing competition. If Antonella was in a lifeless parity-filled men's division, then I say she has a shot. Sanjaya will get into the Top 12 because of it. Antonella, however, has to get past Melinda, Lakisha, Jordan, Stephanie, Sabrina and Gina, all of whom have had one very good to excellent performance.
Jason: (nods)
Chico: True
Gordon: 2. Screen time - That only works when you weed out the unknowns. Now they are all knowns and screen time no longer has a play.
Chico: I'm reminded of the words of Samuel L. Jackson here... There are known knowns and there are known unknowns, things we know that we don't know. Then there're the unknown unknowns, things we don't know we don't know.
Jason: Right.
Gordon: 3. Flushing away the sympathy vote. Antonella did this to herself. If she came out and played the innocent victim, then I think she had a sympathy shot. However, she does the one thing you absolutely can not do, and that's ARGUE with the judges. You can not do that and get away with it. So far the women who have argued or whined have been sent packing the next week. I expect
things to hold serve here.
Chico: Seems like EVERYONE wants to argue this season. Isn't the point of the show to make people like you?
Jason: Yeah...but people don't learn...these are kids with very high opinions of themselves....even if they suck.....sorry Antonella.
Gordon: Now on the other hand, I think Sanjaya is in as a lock in the Top 12. And now let's look at the 3 reasons why Antonella is not getting in and why Sanjaya is.
Jason: That I agree. Sanjaya=Kevin Covais 2007
Chico: Funny, I was thinking the same thing, Block.
Gordon: We'll get to that.
Jason: Ok.
Gordon: 1. Singing competition. The men's field is VERY parity filled this week. It's not the worst men's division of the bunch (Idol 3 was by far the weakest), because you do have Blake, Sundance and the Chris's (Sligh and Richardson), but the door is wide open, and you have 2 slots that can be filled by anyone.
Chico: I say those two slots go to Phil Stacey and Sanjaya. But let's not spend too much time projecting. That comes later.
Gordon: 2. Screen Time. Sanjaya did get a lot of screen time, and when no one makes a claim to fame in the singing rounds, it does go back to that. 3. Synpathy Vote. Sanjaya has NOT argued with the judges, he tries his best and he comes off like the Kevin Covais's or William Hungs. He is going to be gentle, and people like the underdog factor. And quite frankly, since the guys have not raised their game, they are letting the Underdog walk right on in the front door.
Chico: I did mention that of the 16 people left, only ... three have big storylines, right?
Gordon: Actually, I think 12 have big storylines
Chico: I mean REALLY BIG storylines. Ones you can edit for a television audience.
Gordon: And who would that be?
Chico: Antonella ... self explanatory =p.
Gordon: Duh.
Chico: Sanjaya, who is here at the expense of his sister...
Jason: Jordin = Philippe's daughter.
Chico: Who's Philippe?
Jason: Football Player. Philippe Sparks.
Gordon: Philippe Sparks, Ex-Football player for the New York Giants
Chico: Ah. Right.
Gordon: Phil Stacey, who missed the pregnancy of his kid.
Jason: Ex Navy guy.
Gordon: Lakisha, poor woman for Detroit who needs this to support her kids. Melinda, back up singer who is here to try to find her own identity. I can keep going...
Chico: Alright, we get it.
Jason: That's 6
Chico: There isn't anyone here without an identity. Not anymore. Bye Leslie =p
Gordon: The people that are still here have an identity and a storyline. None of the people who left had that identity.
Chico: But the point is, and I invite anyone to disagree with me here... this is not just a singing competition.
Gordon: Yes, I agree, and it's the singers fault for not going into the storylines. And they had 2 weeks to show us one - and they didn't. It's their own fault.
Jason: I agree with you totally, Chico. I don't like it, but it's true.
Chico: And anyone who thinks otherwise is living in some Pollyanna world... with Pollyanna people... and Pollyanna faults.
Gordon: I agree, BUT, whether you win or lose will still be based on singing.
Chico: But we'll come back to ALL of this later in the show. Trust me.
Gordon: There are other elements of the game, but the best singing performer will win this competition.
Chico: Now we go from Idol to the show that premiered after it.
Jason: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Chico: Everybody ready... it's time for Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.
Jason: NO, NO, A Thousand times no.
Chico: But before we ravage, let's go into the good and the bad. Because that's how we roll, son.
Jason: There is only one good thing. His name is Jeff Foxworthy.
Chico: Actually... there's two. One of them is Jeff Foxworthy. The host... spot on.
Jason: He is not good...he is great.
Gordon: Foxworthy easily should be in competition for new host of the year. He is the best new host that has come down the pike and he fits the format perfectly.
Chico: I don't think you can get any better than that with the format given. Second thing... the writing. It's straight forward. And it's pretty hard to screw up straight forward (and if anyone from Fox is reading, no, that isn't a challenge).
Gordon: The writing is excellent - maybe it's straight from a textbook, but the writing is great
Chico: And right now, I just thought of a third. It doesn't pretend to be anything it isn't.
Jason: Which is?
Chico: It's a big money quiz show... that tests how dumb people have become.
Gordon: I also like the motif of the show. There's no 'BIG TWIST' in the game play, and there's no hooks. It's a straight out trivia quizzer.
Chico: File that one under the "no hidden agenda" clause I just put out.
Gordon: And I do think that the show works, because like both Jason and I have pointed out, its not about answering the questions as much as we make fun of the people who can't answer them.
Jason: Right...so it's a straight forward no nonsense trivia show with a good concept THAT ALLOWS THE KIDS TO CHEAT.
Chico: It's called "schadenfreude." It's why Tom Bergeron still has work.
Gordon: Actually, this isn't a new practice.
Chico: Wait.
Jason: If you are going to mention Hollywood Squares...different ballgame.
Gordon: The stars got the answers for Hollywood Squares, All-Star Blitz and Break the Bank. Its not a different ball game.
Jason: It Is.
Gordon: The stars got the answers to help the show along and to help the contestants. The kids are getting the answers to also help the game along and to help the contestants.
Chico: I just thought of something else... Hollywood Squares had a very notorious... Wow, collective mindset. Anyway, Hollywood Squares had a VERY notorious disclaimer. "The areas of questions designed for the celebrities and possible bluff answers are discussed with some celebrities in advance. In the course of this presentation, actual questions and/or answers may be discerned by the celebrities."
Jason: This is Are You Smarter: "Members of the class were provided with workbooks that covered grade school level material in a variety of subjects. Some of the material could have formed the basis of questions used by producers in the show." Big difference.
Chico: Not as big as you think.
Gordon: It's just legalese speak. And it's done in the genre of the show.
Chico: Both panels have been given game material, but the onus is on the player to judge whether or not said material is correct.
Jason: Wrong. In Hollywood Squares, the answers are given from a comedy perspective.
Gordon: I don't think it's a big deal. NOW if they did it to help one player over another, THEN it's a big deal. I think they are doing it to help the kids not only help the contestant, but for the kids to not look like a dumbass.
Jason: The kids arent being told to give a wrong answer.
Gordon: I don't think that these kids would be told purposely to give a wrong answer.
Jason: You don't know that do you? And neither do I.
Chico: I think that's moot. The only one that's playing for real is the player.
Gordon: I originally also thought that getting the answers in advance was a bad idea - until I saw what the kids were being used for. If the kids are the lifelines, they need to be prepared. You absolutely do not want $250,000 at risk to a 11 year old kid who may not be prepared for a question, so I think it's mandatory. So far, they kids have been near-perfect. The kids are used as blocks to help the contestant. The contestant could run the board without using a help from the kids.
Chico: The game itself was solid (albeit copycat), but they couldn't make anything come from it. So yeah, those are the things that don't really hurt the show... as far as I'm concerned.
Gordon: If the kids get questions wrong, that defeats the purpose of the show, as the whole point of the show is to show how you are not as smart as the 5th grader, not the 5th grader getting questions wrong as well.
Chico: Yeah... and Fox being Fox don't want THAT. They want entertainment first, game be damned. It's why "It's Your Chance of a Lifetime" was cancelled after a week.
Gordon: Chance of a Lifetime was a blatant Millionaire Clone while Millionaire was still on and everyone saw through it.
Chico: Great segue! Now where's my sword, I want to do some ravaging!
Jason: (hands you a +2 broadsword)
Gordon: Now if you want to say that this is a Millionaire clone with some fancy wrinkles, I will agree with that.
Chico: First off, this show brings NOTHING NEW TO THE TABLE.
Gordon: It's like Millionaire with the 5 wise Kids, poll a Kid and Trust the Kids.
Chico: The point is... not even the helps are original.
Gordon: With the exception of letting the contestant pick what question to answer, selecting the kids, and the tagline, I agree.
Chico: It seems like that's the key to making a quiz show in the last decade: questions... help... money... dark set... Let's make some money! This is why I miss Weakest Link so much. Because it was so against the cut..
Gordon: Yes...BUT...Millionaire is no longer on and its obvious that the audience wants a family-friendly quiz show. With no Millionaire, this will do nicely.
Jason: I think it will bomb once AI is out of there.
Gordon: Millionaire is not coming back. Get over it. If you want the quiz show to stay alive, you have to support any good quizzer out there, and this is a GOOD Quiz show.
Chico: Also, I'm not a big fan of the whole cutesy kid thing. Maybe that's the show's aim, and I ain't jiving on that.. but still.. It's a bit too saccharine for me.
Jason: I cannot support this show. I don't think this is good. Period. I can't watch a show full of dumbasses, which celebrates STUPIDITY.
Gordon: Its funny. You guys want blood and guts on your show. Meanwhile, this is an actual good show that has decent questions and a cute premise. Sure, it's not Millionaire, but nothing is going to be. If Millionaire wasn't around, is this a show that I would watch? The answer, surprisingly, is yes. It's not the next best game show, but it's not an awful mess and it's miles better than The Rich List.
Jason: Reading the phone book is better than The Rich List...what's your point?
Gordon: It shows us that there are people dumber than we are out there.
Jason: That's not news, Gordon.
Chico: I see that all the time. It's called "work." And the occasional "Family Feud" episode. And I'm guessing it's not the outright aim to celebrate being stupid more as it is to celebrate being human... except that it is the aim of the show to celebrate being stupid.
Gordon: We make fun of people here all the time, but I think that although it's not the best thing ever, it's not terrible. I'll give it a B-.
Jason: Great host, unoriginal concept, can't stand the cheating...D.
Gordon: I think that without Idol, the show will still do well in that time slot because there's nothing else on there.
Chico: I'm going to give it a C-... but I don't think that this will be another "House" that can stand up on its own merits.
Gordon: It won't get the same House ratings, no. But I think that moderate Simpson ratings are not out of the question.
Chico: Calendar is marked for July 27, BTW :)
Gordon: In the words of Intelligent Fan, you have to celebrate the good stuff too.
Chico: Speaking of... I hear Top Model is back.
Gordon: Now THAT'S good stuff.
Chico: Well... I'm still not a fan. Too much Tyra. WAY too much drama.
Gordon: Am I going to have to argue with you too this morning?
Chico: YES! =p Now, the season opener had of all things, models going to boot camp. Not only does this reek of "we've run out of good idea." - That's not a typo, by the way - but, and this is just me coming from a military background and a military town... and let it be known that I was not a fan of Boot Camp either.
Gordon: I thought it was smart. It shows how the models have to be fit and tries to downplay the anorexia line. We also know during the season how much endurance the models need to have, so it's a good test to see if they can handle what is in store for them.
Chico: But I couldn't stand to watch the first episode. I know that rule one of anything we do on this site is "Watch with an open mind", but still.
Gordon: I thought it was an outstanding episode. Not only does this pave many many storylines, both within the competition (2 plus sized models, a model who got cut at the finals, but made her way back in this time, a Russian Catalog bride) and interpersonally (The Russian going after the models, the New York representation vs. everyone else) but the challenges are obviously going to focus on the intellectual side as well. The first challenge, called 'Take a Stand' showed that the models had to pose for things that they don't necessarily believe in.
Chico: Example?
Gordon: Taking a stand as a vegetarian, which was modeled by a meat eater. Posing for Pro Gay Marriage. Posing for anti-abortion. Posing for pro and anti-guns. The models had to not only shed their beliefs, but get into characters who stood by those beliefs. The show this season is aiming for the total package, saying that looks aren't enough, especially with the inclusion of two plus sized models, and I love where the show is going with this.
Chico: But still, I'm not still going to clear my schedule for it, especially with Deal and Idol on the same night. I don't have the necessary boxes to do that.
Gordon: Kathleen gets eliminated because...let's just say that she would fit in fine as a contestant for Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.
Chico: Grr.
Gordon: Maybe you'll feel better in the next episode, Chico, where there's no one named Kathleen left.
Chico: Grr.
Gordon: Chico need a hug?
Chico: I'm good. I'll be fine. I need something to take the edge off.. Maybe a Rewind or something.
Gordon: I don't get this. I'm the person usually trashing shows. Now I'm defending them., Huh?
Chico: It's The FULL MOON!
Gordon: Lunar Eclipses do strange things.
Chico: Anyway, we begin this week with a Feud reminder... two, actually. 1) New to GSN eps from seasons 4-7 of the current run start Tuesday...and 2) AFRICA IS NOT A COUNTRY!
Gordon: It's not?
Jason: you sure?
Chico: Not unless there's a "Central" or a "South"
beforehand. =P Elsewhere, the Ravu tribe finds new and more exciting ways to suck, so much so that a twist was implemented. Basically, you can have immunity, but it's gonna cost you. In the end, they chose luxury, going to tribal and voting out Liliana. That, coupled with Gary's med-evac (with best wishes for a speedy recovery from all of us here at the 'net), leaves us with a 7 and 7 tie on
both teams. Goes back to the whole "those in power positions want to keep said power positions" argument. Only this power position comes with (with apologies to Rich Fields) a NEW BRASS BED!
Gordon: That would be a lunar eclipse to me. Why in the world would you ever want to go to Tribal Council if you can avoid it? Foolish, foolish error which will come back to bite them in the end.
Chico: You can't live with the same people on your tribe. Power corrupts.. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Lisi is probably the next on the block. That and there were a few weeds that needed plucking, both of which were voted on last week.
Gordon: I don't think I go gardening that early in the game.
Chico: Moving on, Congratulations are in order for Malcolm Williams, the champion and winner of $25,000 on Cowboy U Colorado, and to Angela Hacker on Nashville Star who ended up winning what in my mind was the ultimate game of favorites over her brother Zac.
Gordon: Congratulations to Angela, who was by far the best singer on Nashville Star this season.
Jason: Angela Hacker was an amazing amazing singer. I wish her all the luck in the world. She will be touring this summer with Zac, David St. Romain and Joshua Stevens on a summer tour. Great job, guys!
Gordon: They all sang very, very well. Meanwhile, on 1 Vs. 100, $151,000 goes to the Mob on this question - Which of the following objects are still in orbit? A. Hubble B. Telescope Skylab C. Mir Spacestation
Chico: ... Hubble.
Gordon: Carolyn Granato is the donor of this money, as she says C, while the answer is A. Getting over $9,000 each include a repo man, a few cowboys and Rabbi Shmuley, who can now get some more nice Shalom for the Home fixtures.
Chico: And a couple of professors from H...ahhhhvard.
Gordon: Andrew Murray uses 2 Moblines on his first 2 questions, but he rebounds and amasses $205,000 with 15 people in the Mob Left to play. He decides to...go on, and he will, on the next episode.
Chico: Yay next episode.
Gordon: Deal Or No Deal has been getting some nice winners. Meanwhile, Vas O No Vas has had 2 straight people who have gone one case too many and have walked off with a total of less than $1,500.
Chico: (TPIR loss horns) And finally, Kevin & Drew... we hardly knew ye... again.
Gordon: Hey Guys - I lined up 100 hamsters, and 98 of them want to run Brainvision.
Chico: ... I say let'em.
Gordon: Fluffy is still preening himself and Gordon Jr. is changing from his 'I'm Probably Lying' T-shirt to his 'Don't Hate me because I'm Beautiful' T-Shirt.
Jason: LOL
Chico: You wouldn't believe how painstakingly hard it is.
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

 

Gordon: First article?
Chico: Thanks. First up...I haven't talked numbers in a while. Let's bring up three....

1) Que Dice la Gente has posted record audiences for Hispanic males aged 18-34...

Jason: Que Bueno

2) Who Wants to Be a Millionaire rose to a season-high 3.9.
3) Family Feud also rose to a season high 2.3.

Jason: Nice on all fronts.
Chico: Especially nice for Que Dice, which shot up 72% in the demo over last year. And to Millionaire, which shot up 32 percent from last year.
Gordon: Not to mention Top Model premiering to record numbers.
Chico: That's right.
Gordon: and Chico and Jason's newest favorite show having the highest debut numbers ever for FOX in the last 13 years.
Chico: Fox has been around for 20. Wow. Fox is 20.
Jason: I know. I feel old.
Chico: One more season of American Idol and it'll hit the age of consent.. in EVERY STATE.
Gordon: But here's the real number - only a 13% drop from day to day ratings. That, in the business, is very very good.
Chico: They ordered new episodes of 5th Grader. Let's see if they'll deliver as well... but... '#1 new show of the season'?... I scoff at you, Mr. Fox. Next?
Gordon: Next one...

A few schedule reminders - next week is the SEASON finale of 1 vs. 100, before Identity takes over through May Sweeps. We also get Search for the New Pussycat Doll next week.

Chico: In which women vomit! All for empowerment, folks!
Jason: With Lil Kim as a judge...yippee!
Gordon: This show may be inducing some people here to vomit. Next article?
Chico: Next up, let's get loaded.
Jason: HIC!
Chico: This week..
Gordon: *Fart*
Chico: ... and I thank Gordon for THAT....
Gordon: Hey some people hiccup when they get gassy. I fart. Deal with it.

Missed "Identity"? No sweat, my friend. Just go to NBC.com, where they stream the show online!

Gordon: Whoo hoo!
Chico: It's part of a new programming initiative where all the midseason shows will replay the day after, similar to CBS' innertube. I think it's brilliant.
Jason: So do I.
Chico: I'd punch it up at work, except I'd get in trouble. Then I'd have to resort to... shock... reality TV to get by.
Gordon: Smart move. What better way to cultivate shows then to get them show to as many eyeballs as possible. Meanwhile, FOX has an initiative like that - but you pay $1.99 an episode and anywhere from $19.99 to $39.99 for a while season.
Chico: Always striving for that dollar, that Fox.
Jason: NBC does that on Itunes.
Chico: It doesn't stream for free, though. Err, it does on NBC.com... but not on iTunes.
Gordon: Speaking of TV, do you guys think I should title the next segment the Rosie O'Donnell Haterade Corner?
Jason: Uh...no.
Chico: I should probably start playing this... *plays Dixie Chicks' "I'm Not Ready to Make Nice"*
Gordon: No apparently not.

Not satisfied with pissing off Donald Trump, American Idol, Paula Abdul and The Special Olympics, Rosie goes after Survivor 2 Contestant Elisabeth Hasselbeck - who happens to be her co-host. Oops. Now there's rumors that O Donnell, Hasselbeck or both may leave The View - by either their own will or by force. Anyone got Meredith Vieira's phone number as a replacement panelist?

Jason: I do...but it has been changed.
Chico: Folks... this is why the Price is Right has lasted as long as it has... and will continue to do so even when Bob leaves... Drama free.
Jason: Or at least minimal drama.
Chico: Of course there's that fracas with the models being deposed in 1999, but that's it.
Gordon: As long as you don't remember Bob being sued for both sexual harassment and age discrimination and weight discrimination.
Chico: But who tunes in for that? We just watch and hope to God for Plinko.
Gordon: And PETA getting on his case so he had to stop dying his hair. And people accusing Rod Roddy of child molestation.
Jason: And the fur thing...don't forget the fur thing...and the American Car thing
Gordon: Imp sure Chico enjoys having his blanket statements made fun of all morning, don't you Chico? =)
Chico: Quiet, you.
Jason: LOL
Gordon: Chico needs a vacation. Let's go global
Chico: But compared to the View, let there be Price... Rich for Host!
Gordon: Yay!
Chico: Okay, going global now to our own little scandal...

"The Vault" is closed, becoming the first major casualty of newly minted scrutiny about the way British quizzers work. and it looks like "You Say, we Pay" may be next.

Gordon: Do tell
Chico: Police are being called into the phone quiz alleging that their "winner" was already chosen before later callers had called in. Essentially, "Cash for no chance."
Gordon: You don't think that those same wacky companies would do this in the USA, do you?
Chico: Nope. Homeland Security would be on them like a ho on the corner. There's such a thing as a) a freeroute and b) the Communications Act of 1968 making it a felony to do such a thing. But enough legal, let's get to the people who just can't seem to find their way out of the spotlight *plays "Area Codes"*
Jason: HO!
Chico: Thanks, Lion-O.

In this week's Hodometer, Vincent Pastore drops out of Dancing, while John Ratzenberger (Cliff on Cheers) will come on in, BIll Bellamy will take the reigns for Last Comic Standing, Bob Barker will appear on How I Met Your Mother', Tyra Banks plays with Katharine McPhee's boobs on hew show, Heather Mills is working the prosthetic leg angle, and American Idol producers INSIST that Michael Jackson will not be on their show.

Jason: Which means...he's coming.
Chico: AGAIN?!
Gordon: Hide the children!...no really, hide the children...

Meanwhile, if you want to audition to be the Next Media Ho and if you have a kid that's been in a beauty pageant, then Crowned may be for you. Check cwtv.com for details.

Jason: (Shudder)
Gordon: You could be a star, like the Media Ho of the Week Jennifer Hudson is for winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in Dreamgirls. Though it would have been classy to mention American Idol SOMEWHERE in the speech, you still earned it. Congratulations!
Chico: Now if you can only get the top 16 to stop using you as a scapegoat. Remember, America voted her out. You sucked completely fine on your own, thank you very much.
Jason: Simon was right...Antonella. Don't the door hit you on your naked tushie on the way out.
Gordon: And Those...are your hoes.
Chico: That's Brainvision... okay, let the hamsters out.
Jason: Eve is napping. Such a cute kitty.
Chico: While they run free, let me give you last week's interactive poll results... Only 12% of those that voted were right in saying Antonella survives another week. Interestingly enough, 33% say she signs with Playboy. Hasn't happened, though.... Stay tuned. Now here's this week's question. Gordon?
Gordon: This is our first poll where YOU determine our WLTI Lineup next week
Chico: *applause*
Gordon: We already know our top 7 stories to cover next week - you give us the order of when we cover them. The most votes tell us what to start with.
Jason: WOW cool!
Gordon: And here they are....

[FrontPage Save Results Component] What should we cover next week? Idol's Top 12 1 vs. 100: $205K on the line PCD: The Search for the Next Doll Fifth Grader: Week 2 Deal or No Deal Top Model Two Ways Amazing Race

Gordon: Those are the Top 7 stories for next week. You tell us what should be on the Top of the show.
Chico: Vote early, vote often. Now we're breaking out the college jerseys for March Madness, while Gordon screws with the time-space continuum for fun and profit. This is WLTI, celebrating five years of Klauss Mail.
Jason: LOL Klauss rules

(Brainvision has been brought to you by Are You Smarter than Gordon Pepper? Come over and beat him up on jkeith.net - because everyone else has.)

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE