February 26, 2007

(Word of warning for this week's episode: Due to the matter discussed on this show, mature themes and language will be used. This week's show is for mature audiences only. Please do not read if you are easily offended.

Otherwise... relax, it's a celebration)

Chico: Today... all-stars... new stars... Nashville stars... and wanna-be stars. It's a star-studded extravaganza, I tell you! We don't give the above warning often.
Gordon: No, because today, the password is....wait for it....Boobies!
Chico: Is "nanas" a valid clue?
Jason: How about hooters?
Gordon: (ding) We have blue footed boobies, red handed boobies, lost boobies, and plain old stupid boobies.
Jason: Sounds like a plan!
Chico: Let's do it! From somewhere in America, the all-star all-boobie edition of WLTI... is ON!
Gordon: Not to mention Country Western boobies, But first, we talk about the boobies that have been causing the most commotion on the internet.
Jason: They belong to one Antonella Barba. But the pictures showed a lot more than just her...assets.
Gordon: By the way, our special guest, who is not a boobie...usually...is Jason Block.
Jason: Thanks...I think.
Chico: She of the American Idol... She of the two or three people who really choked Wednesday night. She of the why on earth is she still in the competition?
Gordon: The first set of pictures have her assets. The second set have her licking someone else's assets, and now this latest batch has her munching down on some Jimmy Dean sausage. Perfect for the breakfast sausage and milk combination.
Chico: Oh. THAT's why.
Jason: The pictures show her being very skilled...
Gordon: Well, to be nice here, it would be very hard for me to sing if I knew that millions of people had access to explicit pictures that I was in. Now the question is - What are the producers of American Idol going to do about it?
Chico: If they were responsible producers and did what they did in previous years, then one of the two losers from Wednesday is coming back.
Jason: I wouldn't doubt that for a second...Frenchie went to become a Broadway star after being booted for modeling lingerie. Antonella should be gone.
Chico: But if they're a bunch of bastards this year, then guess what, Antonella's not only not going anywhere, but she could emerge as a favorite... Gasp.
Jason: I don't think so. I really don't.
Gordon: The third option is that Antonella leaves and they only get rid of 1 woman this week instead of 2.
Jason: That could be. But I really think she is going. And a note to everyone else...if you are going on AI...don't take pics of yourself giving a Lewinsky.
Gordon: To make matters worse, there have been many reports of potential Idolists in various shades of disrobement all over the Web.
Chico: Oh?
Jason: Both male and female
Gordon: We're looking for the next Pop Superstar, not the next Britney Spears go off the deep-end icon.
Chico: Oh to be young and stupid.
Jason: We have had our moments mind you...
Chico: Yeah, but if you're going on the most popular show on the planet, you have to know that this sort of thing is going to come back and bite you.
Jason: What do you think is going through her head?
Chico: Not much.
Gordon: I think the 'gee, I should never have auditioned with my best friend' or 'Gee, I should never have made that naked calendar' may be two of them.
Chico: Certainly when this happened she wasn't thinking "Hey, maybe I'll go on a nationally televised talent competition game show."
Jason: She was just well...you know...
Chico: Young and stupid.
Jason: Young, horny and stupid.
Chico: Moral of the story: if you're giving someone a BJ and you're thinking about going on TV... do us all a favor... and don't. So yeah, Antonella... apparently very kinky. But does she stay on the show?
Gordon: I'm going to be strange and jaded and say yes. She didn't break any rules, she didn't violate anything, and if anything, this is going to get mammoth ratings for the show.
Jason: I think she goes...if she doesn't...it will look like Hypocrisy.
Chico: Sounds like this week's YLTI question. We'll get to that in a bit, but first... taking a break from the boobies... I need serious lights... I need serious music...
Jason: (sounds and lights) whats up?
Chico: We have... a brand new pricing game.
Jason: More or less, we do.
Gordon: Yay! Pricing Game!
Chico: *rimshot* Anyway, More or Less is simple... more or less. You're given three average prizes, and you have to figure out whether the actual price is more or less than the tagged price. You win what you correctly judge, regardless, but get all three prizes right... and you play for a bigger prize... a car.
Jason: Simple.
Chico: Same rules apply. And if you're right, the car is yours. The game's been played twice, and so far, we're 1-1. Think of it as like Bonus Game, only with the Bonus prize in play.
Gordon: Buy or Sell but with a bonus for a perfect 3.
Jason: Yeah. exactly
Chico: More or less.

(Rimshot)

Chico: So simple, a boobie can play it.
Gordon: So how did the boobies do on it?
Chico: First play, the contestant won 2 of the 4 prizes. Second play: perfection.
Gordon: So not many boobies there. By the way, did you know that you could find Boobies on the Galapagos Islands?
Chico: Really. Do tell.
Gordon: You can. Joanne Ouoi from Northridge, California learned this on 1 Vs. 100.
Jason: Oh yes
Gordon: Question #2 - If you went to the Galapagos Islands, what are they?

A. Tropical Melons,
B. Turtles
C. Aquatic Birds?

Chico: C
Jason: c
Gordon: Perez Hilton, Real life Medium Alison Dubois, Three 6 Mafia and Dr. Ruth all played. Dr. Ruth didn't get to see that question, but the right answer is birds. Joanna says...turtles.
Chico: Mob wins how much?
Gordon: The first game, the Mob splits $23,000, or around $400 and change a person and in doing so, Joanna leave all 3 Moblines on the table, also making her a giant booby.
Chico: A booby in a trap that bears her name.
Jason: Bingo.
Gordon: The next booby is Herman Wilkins. He gets to see the same celebrities - though it doesn't do much to Dr. Ruth, who gets knocked out quickly as well.
Jason: Yup.
Gordon: Allison and Perez (who comes out of the closet on live TV. Then again, it does fit the theme of the week) get eliminated.
Chico: Awww. Oh, and we should mention that 1 vs. 100 isn't cancelled... so far as we know. Just want to get that out of the way right now.
Gordon: Contrary to what other websites say. And no, don't confuse us for those other websites, please. However, Herman turns into a boobie on this question - When crossing the street - what side is the thumb on the Don't walk hand located?

A. The left side
B. The right side
C. It's tucked in.

Jason: On the right I believe.
Chico: Right side.
Gordon: Is it the right side, but Herman must be a lefty because he said the left side.
Jason: Oops.
Gordon: Not only does Herman give out $117,000 to the Mob, but like
Joanna, he also leaves all 3 Moblines on the table. Now THAT'S being a booby.
Chico: Booby booby booby booby rockin everywhere =p
Gordon: Someone of note who he doesn't eliminate - Quinn, who not only wins $9,000, but she was also one of 5 people who won the big piece of $253,000 pot from last week. She's now the biggest mob winner in the History of the U.S. Version of 1 Vs. 100 with over $62,000.
Chico: Nice piece of change.
Jason: Cha-Ching
Gordon: To make it even better, she is a waitress, and that's one big tip.
Chico: Oh yeah
Jason: No kidding.
Gordon: Next up - Lou Seville, who's a marketing director from Shiloh, IL. In his mob - 5 repo men, 5 Harvard Professors and Rabbi Shmuley (Host of Shalom in the Home)
Jason: Shmuley Boteach I believe his name is. He has a book out "Kosher Sex"; he has been on Oprah. He is a pretty famous Rabbi
Gordon: Now Lou, unlike the other ones, uses his Moblines to protect him money. We say good-bye to Quinn, who leaves with over $62,000. And Lou, after leaving only 1 Mobline left, walks off with $78,000.
Chico: Talk about getting paid.
Gordon: Now none of the dancing boobies get paid - but they sure are going to be fun to watch them dance.
Jason: That is paid.
Chico: Yep. Another season of Dancing with the Stars is upon us, and as usual... we get to handicap it! Time for a big board!

Chico: The topic: Handicapping with the Stars... season 4.
Gordon: Yay!
Gordon: Joining us for the analysis is Aaron 'Plinko Boy' Huertas
Jason: Hey Aaron!
Aaron: Thank You Gordon, what's up guys?
Chico: We were just talking something right up your alley... the new season of Dancing
Aaron: Just in time!
Chico: Ready, gents?
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Yah
Chico: Okay, here we go...
Jason: Do we know who is partnered with whom?
Chico: Yep. First up, Laila Ali and her partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Laila's been dancing like a bee for a while, and for good reason. Her father is also a boxer. A rather famous one. You might say... he's the Greatest.
Jason: Maksim did very well with Tia Carrera last time around...And I see her doing well. Not winning though.
Aaron: This will be interesting to see, Ali's daughter doing cha cha, and tango.
Chico: Top, middle or bottom?
Aaron: Middle, because her first passion is boxing so it may be a challenge for her to her dance professionally,
Gordon: I think she has the potential. I don't think her popularity will give her the win, but she will be in the Top 3.
Chico: I'm going to go top 5, simply because female boxers have that whole flexibility, versatility thing going on. Next, singer/actor/corporate service Billy Ray Cyrus and his partner, Karina Smirnoff. I say corporate service, because he's on Disney's "Hannah Montana". I don't see him as a dancer, I'm afraid.
Aaron: Oh no! Hopefully he won't have "achy breaky muscles" this season
Chico: And so the 15-year-old achy breaky jokes resurface :-)
Gordon: He's going to be a dark horse and he's going to go farther than what most people give him credit for
Jason: He will be in the middle of the pack.
Aaron: Billy Ray is definitely at the bottom, let's see country go pro for the first time
Chico: He'll get the Sara Evans audience, that's for sure, but that's all he's gonna get. This is the man who gave the world the achy breaky, mind you. Okay, next up, basketball legend Clyde Drexler and his partner Elena Grinenko.
Jason: Emmitt Smith he ain't. No chance.
Gordon: We haven't had a Basketball player yet. He's good, but does not have the popularity that Jerry Rice or Emmitt Smith have. Middle of the pack.
Aaron: If Emmitt Smith did a good job last season, then it wouldn't surprise me if a basketball star would do just as good. I would place him at Top.
Chico: I'm going to go with Block on this. We have three athletes, and two of them are more famous with the crowd today than him. Sorry.
Next, Joey Fatone and his partner Kym Johnson. Broadway star and Aussie champion... Top 3.
Jason: This is my dark horse pick. He has Broadway experience and plays the Joey McIntyre role to a T.
Gordon: Joey Fatone wanted to be on this program. Badly. He's been practicing for it and I hope that he can do a better job on this than he did on Fame. Top 3.
Aaron: He would definitely go to the top because he's had some dancing experiences.
Chico: Pretty much what we thought. Next, beauty queen/quiz show host/fan service pick Shandi Finnessey and her partner Brian Fortuna.
Jason: I love Shandi. But she won't win. Middle of the pack.
Gordon: We heart Shandi. She has no prayer of getting out of Week 3.
Chico: She's got Trista Sutter written all over her. A rookie partner doesn't help. Middle.
Aaron: She's beautiful, now we could finally see her do something besides stare at a camera all night.
Chico: ... "not in our dictionary!"
Aaron: I would place her in the Middle,
Chico: Hopefully some of the people who stay up on Quiznation will watch and vote for her.
Jason: I prefer 100 Winners and Mel Peachy myself :-)
Chico: Next, talk show host Leeza Gibbons and her partner Tony Dovolani.
Aaron: This will be fun to see an anchor woman go salsa! I'd place her in the Middle
Chico: The requisite elder stateswoman.... no chance.
Jason: Tony could bring Leeza up--he worked with Stacy Keibler. But Leeza has the Giselle Fernandez factor...no chance.
Gordon: Leeza, meet Shandi. First 3 Send-off.
Chico: Next, model/former Mrs. Paul McCartney Heather Mills and her partner Johnathan Roberts.
Gordon: I love you bye bye. First out the door.
Chico: Wooden leg... not helping. Bye.
Aaron: Oh I agree with Gordon.
Jason: So did I. Most people see her as a money grubbing bitch.
Aaron: Is she aware that she's not winning money in the competition?
Chico: There's more to it than money. There's attention. Exhibit a: John O'Hurley. Exhibit B: Mario Lopez... now in the running for TPIR (according to G-R.net). But anyway... Next, Olympic speedskater Apolo Anton Ohno and his partner Julianne Hough.
Jason: He is the athlete to watch for. Top 5
Gordon: Popularity? Check. Olympian? Check. Dances? Check. Top 3.
Aaron: Olympics, Dancing.........a possibility
Chico: Agreed on all fronts. Next, in a complete effort to bewilder those who follow the English language, "The Sopranos'" Vince Pastore and Edyta Sliwinska.
Jason: He is the Jerry Springer of the group.
Chico: I was thinking more like Master P. He's gonna be on Heather's tail.
Gordon: I'll go with Master P, as he did not want to do anything on Celebrity Fit Club. I don't see any reason why he would change his tune now. First guy gone.
Chico: Bye!
Aaron: I'm gonna have to go with the boys, no dance ........bye bye.
Chico: Two more, first supermodel Paulina Porizkova and her partner Alec Mazo. Alec won once. Paulina's got the leggy model thing going. Middle.
Jason: No shot. Middle of the pack at best
Aaron: definitely in the middle
Gordon: I think she has a good shot of being in the middle. Stacy Kiebler used her looks and legs to get to the Top 3 in season 2. Paulina has a name. Upper middle of the pack.
Chico: And finally... 90210's Ian Ziering and returning champion Cheryl Burke. Top 3. It's fricking Cheryl Burke.
Gordon: Not quite Top 3. It's Ian Ziering
Jason: Cheryl Burke loses...She can't work miracles...top 5.
Aaron: With cheryl at his side, there is a chance that they can make it to the top
Chico: Look what she did with Emmitt Smith.
Jason: But Smith has the footwork...I don't think Ian has.
Chico: Okay, friends. Pick a top 3.
Jason: Ohno, Fatone, Laila Ali
Gordon: I...agree with Jason? Wha?
Jason: OH. My.
Chico: Aaron?
Aaron: Fatone, Ohno, Drexler.
Chico: I'm going with Apolo, Joey, and... Ian. Just for shiggles.
Gordon: Just for Shiggles. Meanwhile, we had, shiggling along, The Amazing Race. We notice that the first people to leave were John Vito and Jill.
Jason: Oh well.
Chico: Wow. What were the chances?
Gordon: Pretty good, if you read our column last week. This doesn't come off as a surprise at all. They didn't have the teamwork from the get-go, a very pale shade of what they did in their first try at the race
Jason: But Romber...1st.
Gordon: Also not a surprise - they are a very very good team.
Jason: They will win this. I don't agree with your picks. But we will see.
Gordon: I will say this - they do have the hunger to go far. I am just following the trends.
Jason: I understand.
Gordon: I would love to see them win this. They are probably the best team in this series. But history says that returning good teams get marked as such and then get taken down at the first opportunity.
Jason: But maybe they are smart enough to avoid the trap.
Gordon: We'll have to see.
Chico: They're smart enough for half of the stuff they've pulled off so far. That said, let's see if we can pull off the news. But first, a brief Rewind... Who can say they won an $80,000 motorhome on TPIR? Answer: Devon Grover. He's the biggest winner on TPIR this week.
Jason: He rocks.
Chico: Meanwhile, Sri Narayanan returns to the Jeopardy! on Monday with $60,000 after two wins.
Jason: Good player.
Chico: And the four singers eliminated from Idol this week... Paul Kim, Rudy Cardenas, Amy Krebs, and Nicole Tranquillo.
Jason: No surprises on any of them.
Chico: Moral of the story: do not butcher the Chairman's standard.
Gordon: Or sing with bare feet
Jason: And on Nashville Star, we have our final 3
Chico: Whoo!
Jason: The Hacker Siblings(Angela and Zac) and David St. Romain. Joshua Stevens, who was eliminated this week, will be joining them on a summer tour.Angela Hacker, if all is right...should be the winner. She has a voice I haven't heard in years. She is phenomenal.
Chico: Hopefully she's learned her lessons.
Jason: But I wouldn't be disappointed if Zac or David wins...they are all fantastic.
Chico: That's cool... Okay, who wants some news?!
Jason: I do!
Gordon: Me! Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage
Chico: Let's do the news!

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

 

Chico: Okay, first up, Gordon?

We have new premiere dates! On The Lot is May 16, So You Think You Can Dance 3 is May 24, and Hell's Kitchen 3 is June 25.

Chico: There's one more.. Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader.... Tuesday.
Gordon: Is that really a form of entertainment?
Chico: I think it's used as torture. Next story...

Last week, I asked where the love for the US version of "Cash Cab" was... Answer... Right the hell here. Lion TV has received an order for 80 more episodes of the Discovery Channel series.

Gordon: Yay!
Chico: No date has been set for the new shows, though.
Gordon: Well, we have 80 new shows, so that should be fun, at least. That's something to like. Now I have something to not like.
Chico: Haterade?
Gordon: I got some.

Now we have - for the most part - been on The Donald's side, but not this time. The Donald wants to build a new golf course...on top of a mausoleum.

Chico: Umm.. that's... kinda creepy.
Gordon: Uh...yah. Next one?
Chico: Next up... Let's get fully loaded.. I'm getting a text message... it says "HIC". Here we go...

GSN has a new topical Flash game called Astronaut Moonstalker.

Gordon: More art imitating life, eh?
Chico: It lampoons the love triangle between astronaut, fellow astronaut, and astronaut's significant other. Weapons include diapers and knives and pepper spray.
Gordon: Once again, from the same people who made fun of OJ Simpson, Kim Jong-Il, and Mark Foley
Chico: And Saddam Hussein. But that last one officially doesn't exist. Even though, you know, it did.
Gordon: Didn't but did. but Foley and Simpson are both big old media hoes.
Chico: *plays "Area Codes"*

In this week's Media Ho Report, Ashly Delgrosso is with child and can't dance, Chris S. and LaKisha are Idol's Unofficial favorites (according to the betting sites), Bill Rancic from the Apprentice will wed E's Giuliana DePandi, Jennifer Hudson guest stars in the finale of BET's One Night Only, Allison Sweeney takes over for Caroline Rhea on the Biggest Loser, Marco Pierre White replaces Gordon Ramsey in the UK version of Hell's Kitchen, and Skating with Celebrities champions Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler had a son.

Chico: But I'm thinking there isn't a pimp cup for ANY of them in the near future.
Gordon: Not for them, no - but - there is one for Chris Daughtry. Not only does his song 'It's Not Over' hit number one, but another song 'Home' will now be used for the American Idol Funeral Videos.
Chico: I predict big hit #2 for the #3 guy from season #5. I can do math, me.
Gordon: who finished in #4. Final article?
Chico: Final article has us going global...
Jason: Where are we at?

VH1's going to give us a taste of how they search for models in Australia with their airings of "Australia's Next Top Model".

Jason: Yummy.
Gordon: The show is on March 5
Chico: Sounds cool. Okay, Brainvision is done. Time to head to the break. But first, the results to last week's You Love... The question... Who wins the Amazing Race... 29% give it to.... anyone?
Gordon: I'll say our loyal audience agrees with us. That loving audience.
Chico: Those loving audiences... give it to Romber.
Jason: They are smart, these guys :-)
Chico: 22% say someone else. 19% say one of the all-girl teams. 15%
say Uchenna & Joyce repeat. `5% say Eric & Danielle.
Gordon: Ok. We have 15% of a loyal loving audience.
Chico: This week's question is a no-brainer if you've been paying attention.

[FrontPage Save Results Component] With all the goings-on with Antonella Barba, what will happen to her during the semis? She lives to sing another day Fox gives her the dishonorable discharge The viewers give her the dishonorable discharge She signs a contract with Playboy

Chico: Answers next week. What's coming up next, Gordon?
Gordon: Next, we have a...NEW GAME! Whoo hooo!
Chico: We also got Retail therapy of the grandest kind. This is WLTI, celebrating five years of boobies.

(Brainvision is powered by Save the Boobies.... the birds, you preverts.)

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