December 3, 2005
Chico: Hey there, I'm Chico Alexander
and our long national nightmare is over... Bai Ling is eliminated from But Can
Jason: I am so happy. Gordon nearly had to be restrained.
Gordon: I've already set up the Altar of Bai. It's next to Jason's shrine to
Jason: so THAT'S where it came from.
Chico: So you're the one..
Gordon: I took your incense sticks though. Hope you don't mind.
Jason: It's ok. I needed to get a new supply anyway.
Gordon: From somewhere in the country of Europe, WLTI...is ...ON! You'll
understand where that is from later. Right now, let's understand the panel.
First up, on a 6 week win streak on WPLJ, it's Jason 'Beat the' Block!
Jason: Good morning all. One or two weeks to go for this season. It feels really
Chico: So you're like 15 and 3 now or something?
Jason: Actually I am 29-4 I think. For my entire career there. This season I am
Gordon: He's at a New York Giant pace.
Jason: Better than New York Jets Pace.
Chico: And secondly, we have on a six week win streak of... credibility, Brian
Brian: Hello out here!
Brian: Oh, fine. :-)
Chico: That's just great.
Gordon: And finally, we have....a mystery guest. Ooooooh.
Mystery Guest: Hello, all.
Jason: I love mysteries. And I love mystery guest.
Chico: Wow, only two reggies on the panel today? This is actually perfect,
because we're going to play a game first off... Who remembers You Don't Say?
Jason: I think so.
Brian: I have never seen it, since I was a child of the '80s.
Chico: Same here, but I remember seeing it... or tapes thereof.
Jason: Refresh me please.
Gordon: Here's how it works. Chico and I are going to give clues to our partner.
The clues will sound close to the person's name, but it can't actually be the
Gordon: For example, if the person we had was Alex Trebek. We could use a clue
like 'more than 2 shavers that's not Gilette' - Which would be Three Bics. Get
Jason: Got it
Gordon: Everyone ready?
Mystery Guest: Ready. (Stifles laughter.)
Gordon: Chico, you may select your partner (No, you can't select the mystery
Chico: Darn. Oh well. I'll go with Blockman.
Jason: (high five)
Gordon: Ok - I got Brian
Jason: Gordon isn't awake so he will lose.
Gordon: I can beat you in my sleep =)
Chico: Alright. So begin when ready then?
Gordon: Yep - Chico, you go first
Chico: Okay, when someone really overcharges you, you've been...
Jason: I have no idea
Gordon: I know =)
Jason: sorry chico
Gordon: THough Robbed for Rob is a good guess
Jason: Hey I tried.
Chico: No one's blaming you for trying.
Gordon: ok Brian, this clue is for you. A jungle cat with spots.
Brian: A leopard?
Gordon: (NODS). Now 'Leopard' sounds like part of the person's name or title.
Gordon: (Nods rapidly)
Gordon: OK - Back to Chico
Chico: Okay, Jason. Vice President Al makes watches...
Jason: Gore Tex...Gore Timex
Jason: Dammit. I have it now! (bleep)
Gordon: Ready, Brian?
Gordon: ok - A birth control contraceptive is also known as 'The ______"
Brian: Bill Cullen!
Chico: Bill Cullen's DEAD, dude!
Gordon: It would be VERY impressive if we got Bill Cullen on this show, though
Chico: Okay, Jason... Mr. Trump.
Jason: Bill MacDonald!
Jason: Jeopardy four time champ Bill MacDonald!
DING DING DING
Bill: At your service. (bows)
Gordon: We are proud to welcome to the show 4 Time Jeopardy Champion Bill
Jason: High five, fellow four time winner.
Bill: High five.
Gordon: We were the group in the audience when you went on your run. You played
Bill: Thanks very much. I heard you back there.
Jason: Yes you did. Hey us game show geeks are loud.
Gordon: What I liked the best was that you did exactly what we preached about on
the show - you played the Daily Doubles very aggressively.
Bill: Yeah, it nearly gave my wife a heart attack.
Chico: We were kinda hoping that you'd get farther than four... but oh well...
Bill: Yeah, I was hoping for more than four too.
Jason: How much was your total?
Bill: I ended with $76,399, I think, including the last day's $1000 for THIRD
Jason: Nice job.
Chico: Very nice indeed. We'll get into your grill some more later, but right
now, we're going into the opening round... and I'm a little bitter.
Jason: Why are you bitter?
Chico: Anyone who read the Thursday writeups could tell that I was getting
increasingly bitter with the players that we saw that day...Can I tell you? Can
I tell you, America?
Bill: Do tell!
Gordon: Yes, please tell us, Uncle Chico.
Chico: Okay... First off, Jeopardy!. Vik Vaz, the student that beat you
unfortunately, was on pace to take $100,000 on Thursday, but he lost footing on
a clue about flagships for cruise lines called Rotterdam.
Bill: Yeah, you sure griped about that.
Chico: Yeah, I was like... Royal Dutch? What the hell? This is going to be his
legacy to the multi-time champs this season... Royal Dutch.
Jason: That's a pretty stupid answer.
Chico: I mean, it's one thing to stifle out an answer when you don't know... but
when you stifle something so blatantly wrong... yeah.
Bill: [begins mentally reviewing all his own stupid answers]
Gordon: But the idiocy didn't end there. On Trato Hecho, the play was so bad
that someone got to the Gran Trato finale by trading in...a Chasco.
Jason: QUE? Un CHasco?
Chico: That's a first...
Jason: Which Chasco?
Gordon: A SUPER POLLO Chasco, to be exact
Chico: Your favorite.
Gordon: See, Chico? Super Pollo Chasco's CAN be worth money =0)
Jason: (laughs) Bill, you know of Trato Hecho.
Bill: Um, only what I read from you.
Chico: Basically, it's the Spanish-language version of Let's Make a Deal that
airs daily on Univision. Guillermo Huesca IS the man.
Bill: With a name like Guillermo, of course he is.
Jason: Of course you would say that :)
Chico: Consummate professional.
Gordon: And a Chasco is the Spanish equivalent of a Zonk. So in translation,
someone got to the Big Deal by trading in a Zonk.
Bill: Well, that's good for them, right?
Chico: Which I don't think has EVER happened in the 40 year history of LMAD.
Gordon: I think I've seen it happen, but it's very rare indeed.
Chico: Ah. Well, lucky break for them. And if THAT wasn't enough...That same day
on the Family Feud... This just tops them all.. I need a Big Board.
A Comedy of Damn Errors
- The country of Europe
- ... and a wet t-shirt contest
Chico: The subject: A Comedy of Damn
Brian: I'm glad I didn't watch it.
Chico: We start the show with the challengers, the Johnson family. They come on,
get intro'd by Richard, and they're wearing fake redneck teeth. You have at
least 2 million people watching you, and you do that... Have some decorum, it's
only the Family Feud...
Bill: At least it wasn't the Redneck family, wearing fake . . .
Chico: OKAY! Anyway, it didn't stop there. The defending champs, the Wileys,
have to answer this question for the steal: besides the United States, name a
country Americans admire.
Jason: I know what's coming here...
Chico: The Wileys... and you have to understand, if they didn't get this
question, the Johnsons were going to win. They say, for the steal... Europe.
Chico: Could've been worse... They were thinking about saying Africa.
Jason: Not to defend them...but they could have been hearing continent.
Chico: Yeah, but they could clearly see countries on the board here.
Bill: And that would make for a strange question. What continent do you admire?
Chico: Australia :)
Jason: Dammit, Chico.
Bill: I really love what Antarctica has done for penguins.
Chico: Then, in an effort of sheer futility not seen since the Turkey Fast Money
in the UK, the Johnsons only get 72 points for $72 per head... That's $360.
Granted, they did win the Fast Money the second time, but not without thinking
of a wet t-shirt contest as a valid talent competition.
Gordon: Do you remember what happened on December 1 at this time last year?
Chico: Nancy Zerg got beat?
Gordon: That is correct, sir.
Chico: So much for the giant killer.
Gordon: Nancy Zerg, the Dragon Killer, has a reign of...1 whopping day. Maybe
it's just a full moon on that date.
Bill: She was spent! After that epic battle!
Chico: Moral of the story: shout at the TV set... It's fun. And speaking of epic
Gordon: I can think of a few battles myself, such as the ones that are going to
be on the Top 100 television moments.
Chico: Oh yeah, that's a rich list if I ever saw...
Jason: 100 Unexpected moments to be precise.
Gordon: There are many good ones - 9 of those being a combination of classic and
reality game show moments.
Jason: And the top one reached #19.
Chico: That would be... Yolanda Bowersley. And her infamous tube top.
Jason: Or lack there of - Which you can see at any TPIR Live event.
Chico: Someone popping their top?
Jason: The clip.
Bill: Only #19? I suppose if it had been Angelina Jolie and her tube top ...
Jason: I have to get bck down to AC to see it again...and actually play.
Chico: I have to get up there just to see the clip again.
Jason: It's at Bally's AC right now.
Chico: Cool. Next at 23, Michael SKupin's encounter with a brush fire on
Survivor: Australian Outback.
Jason: That was scary. Gordon--how did he fall into the fire?
Gordon: He was tending the fire and fell asleep, which caused him to lean in.
Jason: One of the scariest reality show moments of all time.
Gordon: I can't disagree with any of the moments. If each of you had a moment to
add, what would it be?
Chico: Michael Larsen. Hands down.
Jason: I Agree, Michael Larsen
Bill: Hmmm . . . unexpected? The Newlywed Game episode with "What's the most
unusual place you've ever made whoopie?" jumps to mind.
Chico: Oh yeah. That was a famous one.
Jason: And that was real. As we found out.
Chico: Another good moment on the list... two words... William Hung.
Jason: Oh dear.
Gordon: William Hung is a very good segway to American Idol, where we find out
that the best move is...no move at all.
Jason: And Simon gets the big dollars! Which we knew all along.
Chico: Oh yeah. Who didn't see this move coming. Simon holds out for more money,
Fox caves, new seasons!
Jason: Simon will get about $10M a year...(I aasume) and a new version of the X
Factor and Fox gets it's cash cow till the end of the decade. Everybody's a
Gordon: Simon had an enormous amount of leverage. Fox really didn't have much of
a choice if they wanted to keep their very expensive baby happy.
Chico: My baby has to be bathed in Evian.
Gordon: This comes after the other Simon (Fuller) and Mr. Cowell agreed on a
settlement worth 171 million. I could deal with a settlement like that.
Chico: Who couldn't?
Jason: That is some serious change. And if you saw his house on MTV Cribs. He is
Gordon: If I had 171 mil, you'd be seeing a dream entertainment room set up in
Chico: No XBox, though. Don't roll like that.
Jason: If I had $171m, the prize budget for the GSTourney would increase.
Chico: Come on, Maserati! :)
Jason: I said increase...not TPIR level.
Chico: When was the last time you saw a Maserati on TPIR.
Gordon: TPIR of the Rich and Famous?
Chico: Note to self... Anyway, it's time once again for the news. Jackets,
please. Footage please... Brain, freeze... please.
Jason: (tosses jackets)
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage!
(impersonating Mark Thompson) From the four corners of the globe...to your
frontal lobe... this is WLTI Brainvision News... with the award winning
Brainvision News team.
Gordon: And we have another sterling edition of the show. First article, please.
Chico: First article coming...
Pat Sajak has a new web game out, called Pat Sajak's Lucky Letters. It's a cross
between a crossword and hangman. You can play it online at PatSajakGames.com
Jason: I have looked, but not played yet.
Chico: Same here.
Jason: Is it for fun or for prizes?
Gordon: Well, I'm glad Pat has some new games. In our next article we see
So does GSN...sort of. They pick up George Gray's Weakest Link, and weekday
episodes of Press Your Luck will be on it's way.
Jason: More Games!
Chico: Also, GSN will be honoring the late Pat Morita this week on Match Game.
Gordon: Can we have a moment of silence please?
Gordon: Thank you.
Bill: How does George Gray's Weakest Link differ from Anne Robinson's?
Gordon: George Gray's is the 30 minute syndicated 5 day a week one.
Chico: It's half an hour, for $75K, with only six players. And George Gray is
Brian: The rules are still basically the same.
Chico: If Anne was the school headmistress, George is the school bully.
Gordon: It's also at a much quicker pace.
Bill: Aha. Thanks for the info. I watch GSN a few times a week. Last night I
caught some poker, which was unexpectedly boring.
Chico: Let me guess, the finale of Poker Royale then.
Bill: Good guess! After the cute player lost and left, the game went flat.
Chico: Yeah, that's usually how it happens. Of course, that's why I stuck around
for the WPT Ladies' Night.. Because they were all cute, you know. It's an
Gordon: By the way, congratulations to one of my poker idols, Dan Harrington,
for winning the tournament.
Chico: Okay, next up...
Big Brother: The Village, a German edition of the fishbowl competition meant to
run indefinitely, has been cancelled amidst low ratings.
Brian: Hmmm...something so good, turned so bad.
Jason: and the Village was blown up?
Bill: Was that the one directed by M. Night Shamalyan?
Chico: No, the one directed by John De Mol. At least M. Night Shymalan was
Gordon: That's your opinion. I was rooting for the monster to eat the villagers.
Jason: You would, Haterade.
Bill: Well, cancellation is a good twist ending.
Gordon: Paradise Hotel...fell off. Forever Eden....really fell off. It's
actually not a bad idea to run an eternal reality show, but the execution on
what we've seen so far has been horrendous.
Chico: Yeah, well, until they get to the Truman point, they should hold off on
that sort of thing, I think.
Jason: Nice Truman show reference.
Chico: Thanks... even though ... wait...
The Truman Show also ended with Truman walking out of his show.
Chico: Okay... speaking of which, it's time for media hoes!
(plays Ludacris' "Area Codes")
Gordon: How do you like the media hoes, Bill?
Bill: I feel like a media ho lately, Gordon.
Chico: Sometimes you feel like a ho, sometimes you don't...
Bill: Not much goes on here in Southwest Florida, so my J! appearance got big
air time and print space. And I ate it up.
Jason: Good deal.
Gordon: Well, then you'll feel at home in this edition...
In this week's Media Ho report, we see Media Hoes go into print, as Project
Runway now unleashes a magazine, Andrew Lloyd Webber looks for Media Hoes as he
unleashes a reality show competition. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie turns the
SImple Life into a game show (Yecccch), and finally, although it's not a game
show piece, it's an article for all those who like in-jokes. Saturday, January
21 at 9:00/8:00c on the Sci-Fi Channel will feature a Volcano movie starring AMY
Jason: Joe is going to be videoing that one.
Gordon: Joe will now have something new to pleasure himself with.
Chico: WOW! If only Joe were here. Anyway, also if you yourself would like to
flirt with media ho-dom, GSN is looking for players for its I've Got a Secret
update. Check out Craigslist.
Jason: I don't think I am weird enough.
Group in Unison: Yes you are.
Jason: Thanks a Lot
Gordon: You're welcome =)
Chico: We're all weird. Brian's the most normal of us.
Chico: Anytime. Next..
Jason: I dont think I have a talent enough to get on the show though.
Gordon: I can't argue that.
Gordon: Ok - before I get sent tainted matzoh balls from Jason for Hanukkah,
It's time for game tech again. Interactive Millionaire comes to the UK thanks to
NTL and Telewest, and UK mobiles can now be equipped with the latest from the
FremantleMedia library, including Family Feud, Sale of the Century and the Price
Jason: Damn Brits :)
Bill: They take their games seriously.
Chico: Sure do. Them, Australia, and India. In fact, the emcee of KBC is ill at
the moment, and they're doing the damnedest to accompany the TV schedule to
Bill: India-- there's a subcontinent I admire
Jason: And we can't get that many good game shows! aRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!
Gordon: No, but we can get plenty of Trading Spouses or Supernanny shows.
Jason: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Chico: Whoopee... Okay, round us out, Gordon.
Jason: Sorry I was channeling Margeurite Perrin!
Chico: Holy s^_^)! It's God Mom!
Finally, we have game show announcements from ESPN. Knight School, about Bobby
Knight's quest for a 16th player on his team, starts in February. The Contender
2 starts in July.
Jason: The Contender 2 should rock
Chico: I'm looking more forward to Knight School.
Jason: You would.
Chico: .. Yeah :)
Gordon: I'm not looking forward to either of them. We'll know who wins Knight
School after seeing a Texas Tech game. And since the same group is on for The
Contender 2, I expect more multi-movie matches that are as melodramatic as
Jason: You are just earning tha Haterade badge today, aren't you.
Chico: What The Contender 2 needs is someone who can punch at 300 psi.
Jason: Another Rocky Movie reference!
Chico: DRAGOOOOOOOOO! :) Okay, time for a break. When we return, he survived
four days on Jeopardy!, but can Bill MacDonald survive the 20?
Gordon: We'll pummell Mr. MacDonald with 20 Questions. Then we'll force people
to think (gasp!) after this!
Chico: This is WLTI... and we still can't get Oprah.
Jason: We have to wait 16 years.
Jason: This is only 10. Pencil in sometime in 2011.
(Brainvision News has been sponsored by Leopardy. All prize winners get to go
on a beautiful safari to the country of Africa. Watch out for partially eaten
contestants who thought that a lion makes a good house pet)