|
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and while this is
a holiday of happiness and hope, this episode is dedicated to the people who's
lives were affected by the Sandy hook shooting. We hope that we can give you
some mirth and merriment during the holiday season.
Chico: It's always been a bit of a job for us to provide entertainment and
distraction, and a sense of normalcy in the face of shadow. And that doesn't
change one year later.
Gordon: No it doesn't. So from all of us to all of you, we remember and care.
Chico: Indeed. I'm Chico Alexander. And from somewhere in America... WLTI.. is
on. Okay, we've got a lot to cover and not a lot of time, so we'll start with a
birthday boy...
Chico: They say it's your birthday, na na na na na na na na...Bob Barker
celebrates his 90th birthday on TPIR with the return of a long dormant segment.
You remember the pet adoption segments, right?
Gordon: I do. You know, dogs and cats are all well and good, but what if you're
like me and allergic? I want an adopt-an-iguana segment.
Chico: You go get yourself an iguana and spay and neuter it. Anyway, for Bob's
birthday party, I notice that the games have been made surprisingly winnable.
Four of them were easily won for an HDTV, a refrigerator, a bike, a dining room,
a 2014 Dodge Dart, and a trip to New Orleans. There was a bailout on It's in the
Bag and a throwable Lucky Seven. The board has $16,24_ with $1 in hand. You need
to get this perfectly perfect. Never mind the make and model of the car. With
Bob Barker in the house, what do you think the number will be?
Gordon: 5
Chico: Thank you. You'd think people would get it. That was just an easy in.
Shane goes with 8... and is wrong.
Gordon: Womp womp.
Chico: But all that aside, a really great way to celebrate the man and his
legacy. He even got to call a player down. And said player played the game that
Bob began and ended his run on (Any Number). That's scary, man. Thoughts?
Gordon: I thought it was done well. You put enough of Bob in to have an impact,
yet not overshadow Drew.
Chico: Agreed.
Gordon: It's a great tribute. We also will be doing some tributes next week,
which brings us to our segment called... WHO WINS IF?
Chico: Ooh, who do we start with? How about we start ... here.
 
Gordon: We're down to 5. Technically 7, but it's really Tyson, Gervace, Monica,
Ciera, and Tina / Katie / Hayden
Chico: Can I make an observation? Ciera has zero shot of winning this thing.
Doesn't matter who shows up from Redemption Island. Ciera is outnumbered by
Tyson and Gervase.
Gordon: Let's be blunt, shall we? If Tyson gets to the end, he wins.
Chico: There you go.
Gordon: If Gervase gets to the end, he wins....as long as Tyson isn't next to
him. Monica can also win as long as she isn't with Tyson and Gervase AND she
needs to pray Tina doesn't come from Redemption Island. Ciera is dead juror
walking at this point.
Chico: So Redemption Island is very much in play.
Gordon: Yes. Tina / Hayden / Katie need to get back and somehow convince Monica
that they are better off against her in the final 3.
Chico: We'll see what happens. I think Tyson ends up winning, though.
Gordon: I do too. Next up...
WHO WINS IF....
Chico: So we're down to three... Tessanne, Will, and Jacquie. No four-peat for
Blake this season.
Gordon: Aww. let's say that Will is persona non-grata at this point., shall we?
Chico: Yeah, you can count that out.
Gordon: So it's up to the ladies.
Chico: You can make a case for either one of them. Tessanne has been THE
favorite going in. But history favors the likes of Jacquie. Young, female, not
as powerhouse?
Gordon: If you point to album sales, Tessanne has the lead. OR you can look at
the people who Twitter (being that they are too young to buy albums) and point
to Jacquie.
Chico: I hate to say this, but this could be a dead heat.
Gordon: Coin flip. I'll stay with Jacquie thought because I had her since Day 1.
Chico: I'm tempted to give the edge to Tessanne based on iTunes being the X
factor.
Gordon: You would have to. Jacquie has to at least stay even with Tessanne.
Chico: It's going to be a really killer final. Can't wait for that.
Gordon: Finally...
WHO CARES... WINS... IF...
Chico: Right the first time.
Gordon: I'll just say the duet team and get it over with.
Chico: Seconded. Now for a good sing-off... The Sing Off. Which we both agree
should never have been pulled. Especially for Take It All. But anyway, it's just
as you remember it. 10 teams of singers, one cash money prize and a recording
contract. And it's still the thinking man's talent contest. Where else will you
hear the words "bilabial plosives".
Gordon: Princeton would...too bad they are out. Aw.
Chico: And instead of just bottom two you-suck-get-out, it's down to a new
element in the series... THE ULTIMATE SING-OFF. Because Mark Burnett is now EP,
we can freely poach an element from another one of his shows... the Voice Battle
Round. The bottom two battle in ONE song.
Gordon: Or when they did it in America's Best Dance Crew.
Chico: But it's one of those things that just makes sense.
Gordon: True. I like the idea also. And it does add worthwhile padding to the
show
Chico: So it ends up being a well-balanced show.
Gordon: So we move from who will win to who DID win?
 
Chico: It's all down to three as we go from Japan to the US. We have married
doctors Nicole & Travis, dating Beauty and the Beast Jason & Amy, and
Afghanimals Leo & Jamal. From a bush plane rescue Roadblock, we go to the
requisite 'what do you remember from the Race'?
Gordon: And this time, it's currency related
Chico: You had to remember the currency of all the countries you've visited...
in order.
Gordon: Oy
Chico: We had the Chilean peso, the euro, the Norwegian krone, the Polish zloty,
the euro again, UAE dirham, the Indonesian rupati, Japanese yen, and the cash
money dollar.
Gordon: Gezundheit
Chico: Get all of that, and you move to the final push - The End of the North
Douglas Highway and the FINISH LINE. First team there...really the only team
that ran a consistent race, Jason Case & Amy Diaz. Yes the doctors won the leg
beforehand, but Jason & Amy won when it counted.
Gordon: And well earned. They played the Race with speed, skill and smarts. So
they get this...
Chico: Now we look ahead to the next season... All-Stars 2.
Gordon: Do we have to?
Chico: Yes. Amazing Race All-Stars 2. We don't know who's in it, but the
Afghanimals were in the promo.
Gordon: I love the Amazing Race. I HATE All-Star seasons, unless we get 11 teams
who won, and based on the promos, we're not getting that.
Chico: Probably not, no. And it gets worse. Christmas time is here... happiness
and cheer... yeah, enough of that, let's put on a contest with Christmas lights!
Five families from all over the country will compete in The Great Christmas
Light Fight every episode, with a panel of judges deciding who will achieve
Griswold-like supremacy and $50,000.
Gordon: Can we not and maybe let talk about this show when we talk about Amazing
Race All-Stars 2?
Chico: No.
Gordon: ...fine. The Good: The houses look very pretty.
Chico: Pretty liiiights.
Gordon:...and that's all I got. Anything you want to add there?
Chico: Nope. I think you pretty much nailed it. The bad... hi, production values
normally reserved for local access! And let's face it... central casting and
padding and... if what i hear is indeed true... rrrrrrrrrIGGING!
Gordon: This was ugly. First of all, even in a perfect setting, the visuals you
will get can't compare to live TV (which is why most visual artists in America's
Got Talent get sent packing early). There was more padding than on an NFL
football team. And you couldn't have picked a more annoying host that you wanted
to string up with Christmas lights and post up against a tree. And don't get me
started on the alleged accusations that teams were told to act like they won -
BUT - they wouldn't know who actually won until their episode aired.
 |
THE GREAT CHRISTMAS LIGHT FIGHT
ABC - 8p ET Mondays |
|
GORDON |
CHICO |
AVERAGE-O-MATIC |
| F- |
F |
YOU SUCK! |
Chico: I'd like to play the Grinch with this series and steal Christmas from
ABC. F.
Gordon: ABC executives get a lump of coal. Like Take It All last year, a late
entry for worst game show of the year. F-
Chico: From a figurative lump of coal to a real downer. You hear of It's
Academic, right?
Gordon: I have, yes. Very long running game show
Chico: The LONGEST according to Guinness. With an unsung hero of game shows and
education at the helm, one Mac McGarry. He died this Friday. He succumbed to
pneumonia at the age of 87, two years after retiring his post to WTOP's Hillary
Howard. While she continues the legacy, this was his baby.
Gordon: I'm sorry to hear that. He was one of a kind and a true artist dedicated
to his craft.
Chico: Hillary Howard said of Mac McGarry...
"He was the host of that show for 50 years. People who grew up in this town were
touched by that show for generations. Even if people weren't regular watchers,
they do know who Mac McGarry was. Every time they tapped in he taught them
something, and I think he liked that."
Gordon: And we liked him. Can we have a moment of silence please?
(silence)
Chico: Thank you, and now, Drew the Bookworm, I'll let you do the honors...
Gordon: ...where's Drew. Let me look over...oh great. EVE!
Chico: Now what?
Gordon: I want Eve to explain to me why all of the hamsters are strunng up like
ornaments on thw WLTI tree.
(Eve scampers off)
Chico: .... Yeah, that doesn't look like it's happening.
Gordon: No. You take down cheeseball (Unwraps Goodman)
Chico: I'll de-trim the tree, you throw it to the news.
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage
 (Doug:
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks, Doug. First up, I need my torch. The green torch.
Gordon: (Gives Chico a Green Torch)
 On the heels of Blood vs. Water, CBS has renewed Survivor for two more seasons.
This takes them through 2015.
Gordon: Good for them. It's been consistently #1 in it's timeslot.
Chico: Indeed. And another favorite of ours is slotted for season 2.
Catch Whose
Line Is It Anyway? season 2 in March.
Gordon: Good stuff indeed
Chico: But we've got good stuff this week, don't we?
Gordon: We do.
 This week on the Datebook: No new shows, but a bunch of finales, and we continue
to see singing groups and Christmas lights.
Chico: X Factor finale... That's pretty much it. And even that's going up
against the Sing-Off, then I believe it's the Chase fall finale.
Gordon: The Voice, X Factor, Survivor. With all these finales coming up, Chico
needs to get Fully Loaded.
Chico: Not until after the show. :-) Okay, so here's what's Fully Loaded this
week, and there may be a bit of AYST depending on whether or not you would call
"endearing yourself to the public" a punishable act.
 So Carrie Underwood was on "The Sound of Music Live!" And she's less than kind
to her critics.
Chico: She says, and now I'm quoting, on Twitter...
"Plain and simple: Mean people need Jesus. They will be in my prayers tonight...
1 Peter 2:1-25"
Gordon: I thought it was more funny than stupid.
Chico: Okay, I'll buy that.
Gordon: And I don't think it was anything nasty to anyone in particular. That I
had zero problem with. I think you'll have a greater problem with another
singer.
Chico: Lay it on me.
 Are YOU Smarter than...Demi Lovato, who admitted to doing Coke in an airplane.
Chico: And here I thought passive-aggressive religion-as-a-weapon tweets were
stupid.
Gordon: You just don't do...that.
Chico: Go on.
Gordon: But the coke theme ties nicely into Haterade this week.
 Lamar Odom admits doing Crack Cocaine and Cheating on Khloe Kardashian. Khloe
responds by officially filing for divorce.
Chico: It's a Christmas miracle.
Gordon: So to speak
Chico: Hallelujah, another famous-for-being-famous couple eats it. I feel like
taking a trip to celebrate.
Gordon: Where would you be going?
Chico: All over the place.
Gordon: You are just the jetsetter
Chico: First to the UK...
 Sandi Toksvig is getting ready to host a new series of 15-to-1.
Gordon: I LOVE 15-1. Very excited about this.
Then to Argentina, who picks up "Smart Face", where people on the street answer
questions for people in the studio. And finally, to Japan, who has an
interesting game show franchise that's going global. It's called "Ultimate
Brain". Smart people coming up with complex solutions to silly challenges.
Gordon: Sounds like that can be fun also
Chico: Now here's your challenge... come up with the Ho of the week from the
examples given this week. (Luda)
 In this week's Media Ho Report, Steven 'Boss' Twitch and Allison Hoiker get
married, Peta Murgatroyd and Brant Daugherty are caught making out, Sharon
Osbourne lies about having Vaginal Rejuvenation surgery...
Chico: I'm gonna have to sound the TMI sounder.
Gordon: Find one for 2014.
Chico: Okay, go on.
Kanye West wants to work with Walt Disney, Steve Harvey interviews President
Obama, and Sean Lowe sends out his wedding invites. You got one, right Chico?
Chico: Yeah, I believe you forwarded it to me. Then forwarded three copies you
made at Kinkos.
Gordon: Maybe. but none of them are your ho of the week.
Chico: Who you have?
Gordon: Your Ho is Carrie Underwood, who scored with the Sound of Music, and who
gets Top Billing in the CMA Christmas special.
Chico: Not a fan of her husband, tho.
Gordon: Don't be a hater
Chico: Not a fan of the Senators, Sorry!
Gordon: Hater, Dawg. And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Anyway, that's Branvision, shut it down.
Gordon: (Shuts down)
Chico: Still to come, I'm going to finish my Christmas card list... but first,
Gordon has three stockings. What are you going to fill them with, I wonder?
Gordon: Frankincense, Myrrh...and coal. You're reading WLTI. You give us 22
minutes and we'll give you 22 things I didn't see on the Great Christmas Light
Fight that would have been fun to see. Like a pink Flamingo. Or a Travelocity
gnome
Chico: Or A Travelocity gnome RIDING a pink flamingo.
(Brainvision is presented by Chase-Sicles! 6 feet four inches of fruity trivia
goodness. Now available in orange, cherry, and genius grape.)
Gordon: Funny, I was expecting Blonde Lemon Bombshell in there somewhere
(Now in Blonde Lemon Bombshell).
CLICK
HERE TO
CONTINUE
|
