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Every Monday

Previous Episodes (Season 34)
September 2 - That Was the Life That Was / Resolutions / Push or Flush (1)

September 9 - Raj Runs the Table / What Happens First / Push or Flush (2)

September 16 - Fanvasion: 2013!! / No... Sorry / Push or Flush (3)

September 23 - Upon Further Review / Really Big Board / What Were You Thinking?

September 30 - Chips Ahoy! / 6 Things We Think You Should Know / Read Between the Lines

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Episode 34.5: Shutdown
October 7

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I need all of the obnoxious kids out of the room.
Chico: Fine. I'll leave...
Gordon: Not you Chico.
Chico: Oh.
Jason: (leaves)
Gordon: Come back here, Block.
Jason: Alright Alright
Chico: While we are on obnoxious kids, What do the United States Government and Colton Cumbie have in common?
Gordon: They both shut down?
Chico: Ding. Ding. ding. Ding. Ding.
Gordon: I'm good, baby. A lot of things shut down this week - but not us, as from somewhere in America, this week's version of!
Jason: WHOO HOO!
Gordon: Gordon and Chico Alexander here, along with special guest Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Nothing shut down here
Chico: The only thing that shuts down on this show is The Choppler. But we'll get to that. Right now let's get to something...or someone...who shut down. On your marks! Let's start...

Chico: The big story out of Survivor this week: Colton quits. Again.
Jason: Do NOT get me started
Chico: Oh we're ALL gonna get started up in here. So first of all, you knew something big was going to happen when they decide to put the Redemption Duel in the cold open.
Jason: Of course. But then Colton got all misty.
Chico: And like I can't play this and I'm leaving so Caleb can stay. Yeah, Jeff Probst wasn't having any of that nonsense. Take a look

Gordon: So Colton is a 2 time quitter. Thoughts?
Jason: I think that Colton is persona non grata. I was yelling at the TV. This happens all the time when someone pusses out on a reality show.
Chico: Now here is why Jeff is one of the best in the game. Not only is he a good conduit, but he's saying what we're thinking. The only reason I could see Colton coming back was the whole medevac situation, Which turned out to be not true either.
Gordon: It's frowned upon to quit the game once, if not twice. Of course, the next question should be why was he allowed to go back on the show in the first place if he quit?
Jason: Not Jeff's fault. Or maybe Jeff was taking partial blame for it.
Gordon: Maybe. Because if they knew it was faked afterwards, they never should have brought him back
Chico: So if you had a memorable player quit the first time, Then come back and quit again, And if you are the face of the franchise, I'd be pissed off too!
Gordon: See Fairplay. Johnny
Jason: BINGO
Chico: Thank you. Although with fatherhood and family life I'd doubt he'd be a shoo in. But that's just my humble opinion. But yeah I think they were going not so much for "good gamers" but "memorable characters", Which is odd when you consider the loved ones are getting HAMMERED!
Jason: They are being pagonged
Chico: The latest loved one to get the hook? John Cody, Aka Mr. Dr. Candice Cody.
Jason: In a perfectly good blindside
Chico: First of all, That should be an interesting duel, And second of all, About that mastermind, I don't mind saying this: Culpepper is playing his tribe for chumps! He masterminded the blindside, caught John off guard, and now creates the mother of all Awkward Moments. But a legitimate question, Is he playing the game too hard too early?
Jason: Oh yes.
Gordon: Of course he is. The scheming has to stay secret to start, and he overplayed his hand - making him a HUGE target
Jason: Winners balance gameplay
Chico: He has no problem thrusting his bollocks into the faces of anyone who will watch. Showing his ass on a daily, if you will.
Jason: Right which means HUGE target on his back
Gordon: The back and the ass aren't too far away from each other. Speaking of asses: what happens when you don't read clues?
Chico: I see what you did there.

Chico: It always happens on The Amazing Race. Someone will profess to being smart, Or strong, Or hungry. And then they forget the Jack Attack Rule - REMEMBER THE CLUE.
Jason: This has been two weeks now.
Chico: I swear we need a big book of game show rules to follow.
Gordon: Now professor Alexander, please give us our reading lesson today.
Chico: First of all, They redid the titles, Damn those are sexy.
Jason: Very nice and very 2013
Chico: Also sexy, Travis & Nicole, Married ER physicians from Atlanta. Their reading comprehension skills - NOT SEXY.
Gordon: What happened?
Chico: They get a picture of the first Pit Stop of the 23rd Race: the Municipal Building in Iquique, Chile.
Jason: Right.
Chico: Phil even makes a note of this when he not-checks them in "What's the first rule of The Amazing Race?" They say, in unison, "Always read the clue." That life lesson gets them 30 minutes in the penalty box.
Gordon: But at least it keeps them in the game, unlike the other teams that learn the lesson more severely.
Jason: With a role reversal road block having to do with fishing
Chico: Right.
Gordon: You have the wrong people doing the Road Blocks in a classic mess.
Chico: Let's talk about Naina & Hoskote. For the second Roadblock, the team member that paraglided in the previous Roadblock had to collect five fish from one of three boats by reaching them on a rowboat. The three fishing boats each had a limited number of fish, so if a boat ran out of fish racers would have to find one of the other boats to get the remaining fish. Once they brought the five fish back to the docks, the fishmonger would give them their next clue.
Chico: Naina did the gliding, so she had to do the fishing.
Jason: Except for the fact that the person who did the first road block had to sit out the 2nd.
Chico: Right. So they had to double back on the Roadblock after Naina read the clue again, but it was all for naught, though, as they have the dubious honor of being the first ones eliminated from Amazing Race 23. Lesson learned, READING IS FUNDAMENTAL.
Jason: Oh yes:)
Gordon: Heh. Is singing fundamental?
Chico: To think otherwise would mean to get an early X Singing is always fundamental. But then again, only two of us can carry a tune...Jason.
Jason: I carry them in a suitcase.
Chico: Time for our first round of uncanny X-morons in...

Jason: Neat.
Chico: I like comics.
Gordon: We start with the Fantastic 4...Seats, which the singers want because that will get them into the Finals.
Chico: So we go into a completely original, not at all ripped off Battle Round called the Four Seat Challenge
Jason: Boy did that seem like a Voice rip off. Burnett is laughing his ass off.
Chico: The object of the Four Seat Challenge is to win in a battle situation. Remember Winner's Row from the million Second Quiz?
Jason: Do I have to?
Chico: ...Well, it's kinda like that. One by one, the singers sing. Then one by one they earn a chair. But they could be knocked out if they are beaten by a better singer. Like let's say Jason sings Barry White's Can't Get Enough of Your Love Baby first. He'd either get a chair or he'd be eliminated. Because Jason has a surprisingly low register, he gets a chair
Jason: Ok
Chico: Then Gordon steps up with the Mark Ronson/Tiggers/ODB version of Toxic.
Jason: WHOA
Gordon: Yeah, baby.
Chico: Because Gordon does a spot on rap in the middle, He gets the first chair, and Jason moves to chair #2. Now I come in, I sing a slow jam from the 90s, Silk, Brian McKnight, Babyface, take your pick. Because I have that soft, velvety, clog your arteries buttery high tenor, I take chair one. Continue until all eight have sung and have been eliminated accordingly.
Gordon: Which means, of course, you put your weaker singers in the front and the stronger ones in the back.
Chico: Right. It really is head rattling and almost impossible to follow unless you're actually following it. Thoughts, gentlemen?
Jason: DES-peration.
Gordon: Sometimes, you shouldn't do things just because you can do it.
Jason: YES YES and Yes.
Chico: I believe Albert Einstein had a saying here. Break things down to their simplest terms and no simpler. Yes it's a little more exciting to have your singers do battle on stage, but at the end of the day, it's the juries at Julliard with a Roman Coliseum feel.
Jason: Yeah
Chico: You just feel funny watching it, compared to, say, just singing at the judges house
Jason: It feels like Peanut Butter and Motor oil
Chico: Even worse, It felt like.. the Winner Is.
Jason: OUCH
Chico: With a markedly better host. You just get a dirty feeling watching it.
Jason: I am feeling dirty reading it
Chico: Like, this is not just a show, This is a battle Royale. And it's all artificial. The battle is artificial. The audience is artificial.
Gordon: You want to see triumph, not heartbreak. You want to watch a show without an icky feeling behind it, and this provides the ick. Now on the other hand, a fun moment would be a $250,000 question on Millionaire.
Chico: Made even more fun with a guy who has an extensive suit & hat collection


Chico: It was Double money week on Millionaire. Madalyn Mako is shredding it up for $93,100 as we enter Classic millionaire. She still has a jump and age would be well justified in using it for the $100k question

The Darien Gap makes it nearly impossible to do what?
A: Accurately predict earthquakes
B: Drive from North to South America
C: Travel faster than light
D: Dive deeper than 1,000 feet

Gordon: E. Get bargain clothing any less than 75% off retail price..
Jason: LOL
Chico: Hey-o!
Jason: Guess...b.
Gordon: The only one that makes any sense is B.
Chico: And that would be correct. Madalyn makes a jump. And with a bank of $93,100, Why not.
Gordon: you're not going to risk $68,100 for $6,900.
Jason: NOPE
Chico: The best move here is to not play
Gordon: So lets see the $250,000 question.
Chico: How about a nice game of hunt and peck instead?

Which respected writer, poet, and professor was not a skilled typist, using only two fingers to type the manuscript of his greatest work?
A: J.R.R. Tolkien
B: J.M. Barrie
C: James Joyce
D: George Orwell

Jason: Guessing A
Chico: Gordon, you either know this or you don't.
Gordon: 3 of the 4 writers on this list had a writing education. The other one was brought up in the military and didn't have the same training. That person is Tolkien, so that's the one I'd guess also.
Chico: You just pull these things out of your head, don't you? You're right!
Jason: YAY!
Gordon: Whoo hoo!
Chico: Madalyn said C was the only one she knew of the four. But before she can say the two magic words, she leaves with the $93.1K.
Jason: Good call. Money is good.
Gordon: And good for her. Well played. She gets this...

Gordon: You can call her the big Cheese. meanwhile, we have little cheeses playing a big boy game.

Chico: We are down to the final 12 on MasterChef Junior, And they will be playing the game the big boys play. But they get to keep the aprons, because let's be honest, Who'd take a kids apron away?
Gordon: (points at self)
Jason: You would.
Gordon: I would. it's part of the game. And the kids are acting like the adults - and not in a good way.
Jason: Ooooh boy.
Chico: In the very adult way. Well not VERY, I mean they have HAD home training. Not an angry racist among them, Krissi Biasello. But go on.
Gordon: Are there ANY likable characters in this?
Jason: (thinks)
Chico: Let's just say I can imagine Gordon... as a kid, Fitting in.
Gordon: I was better than them.
Jason: I bet you were.
Gordon: I did have a slapping people on the butt fetish though.
Chico: TMI.
Gordon: I was 8. I don't have that anymore.
Jason: You are excused
Chico: Alright. So slap these kids in the butt then. What happened this week?
Gordon: Anyways, Jack won the challenge and challenged everyone else to make burgers. The people who thought out of the box - Tommy and Molly - thought WAY OUT of the box (Korean Burger with Kimchi and a breakfast burger), so they are out.
Chico: Okay. Now switching to Jeopardy! We have some people. And they are getting ready to play a tournament of sorts, Battle of the Decades action. Problem is, They have 14 players slotted, And one open. That's where you come in, America.
Jason: This is INSANELY COOL.
Chico: Indeed.
Jason: For the people who can be eligible (grumble)
Gordon: Ha ha.
Chico: Let it go, man, Let it go.
Gordon: I think Jay's having an asthmna attack.
Jason: ...
Gordon: Funny I think a bird is flying over his head and Jay may be sending it towards me.
Jason: Oh, I am sending a damn flock.
Chico: Settle down, children.
Jason: Sorry dad. Seriously. You have the best of each decade.
Chico: Yep. Here's who we have representing the 80s. Board me. Glowy...
Jason: Bright huh?
Chico: This one's called Jeopardy! Loves the 80s. The players are...

Jeopardy Loves the 80s

India Cooper
Richard Cordray
Tom Cubbage
Chuck "The Bouncer" Forrest
Leslie Frates
Phoebe Juel
Mark Lowenthal
Leslie Shannon Miller
Tom Nosek
LESZEK!!!! Pawlowicz
Jim Scott
Frank "The Spank" Spangenberg
Bob Verini
Jerome Vered

Jason: (bows down)
Chico: Submit!
Gordon: These are all excellent players - and ones that have done well in other shows.
Jason: 80s fans are going to see some of these players again
Chico: Oh yeah.
Chico: And that's not counting the five wild cards voted upon by you at They are...

Andy Westney
Diane Siegel
Eugene Finerman
Michael Rankins
Leah Greenwald

Jason: One vote per day
Gordon: My vote goes to Leah, but they are all worthy
Chico: Really hard to choose ONE person. They are all greats here. If I had to, I'd take Diane.
Jason: Next week, the 90s. The week after the 2000s
Chico: And we will be reviewing the lineups over the next two weeks.
Jason: Fans are going to be VERY happy.
Gordon: Drew has created nametags for the contestants made of silly string.
Chico: That's really artistic, Drew
Gordon: Very. Roll that beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thank you Doug. First up, I'm going to need a bat
Jason: Which one?
Chico: The one with a lot of Sharpie markers on it.
Jason: (hands Chico the Sharpie Bat)

Okay, a long time ago, Style greenlit "Styled to Rock" from Rihanna, which was before Esquire decided to move from G4 to Style. Now it's going to be on Bravo instead. It will premiere October 25.

Jason: My head is spinning.
Chico: Time for a quick revisit

Bravo - October 25

Jason: So what's the concept now?
Chico: Project Runway, For rock stars
Gordon: Push. It's on the right network.
Jason: PUSH. It's Bravo
Chico: I'm going to jiggle. It may be in the right network, but it's on the wrong day. FRIDAY. Okay, that's later this month. Gordon, what's coming later this week?
Gordon: Here's this week's Datebook,

We have Big Break.

Gordon: Yo. Let's get Fully Loaded.
Jason: (HIC)
Chico: Next... Oh boy, first of all, we're only reporting it because it's a little newsworthy, And it has to do with something that happened in the Twittersphere.
Jason: Oh no
Chico: Any attempt to make it more than that will be met with the Jason Block Hammer of Justice. That said...

Are YOU smarter than...The guy who operates the Twitter feed for Family Feud?

Jason: OK,.why?
Chico: As you know the government is in shutdown. The operator posted a tweet critical of Speaker John Boehner. The mods called "hack", the tweet was taken down, and a tweet of apology was posted. Now, If I may...
Jason: Do you need to the WLTI Soapbox?
Chico: Yeah. (Steps on soapbox) I use the Twitter app on my iPhone. @DinoRAlexander.
Jason: @beattheblock
Gordon: @gsnnhaterade
Chico: I also tweet to the WLTI Twitter on my phone. @wltiongsnn. It is a very easy mistake to make if you are using the iPhone app to tweet to two feeds. I've had one of MY tweets show up on the WLTI feed once or twice. Of course it was never of an inflammatory nature or expository nature, It was taken down and put in the proper place. I'm not saying what did or didn't happen, I'm just saying it's an easy mistake to make.
Gordon: And now with the Counterpoint, Mr. Gordon Pepper.
Chico: Soapbox is yours
Gordon: #1. Politics should NEVER be used in game shows. Period.
Jason: AMEN! Thank you!
Gordon: I'm here to be entertained, not to be politically swayed. #2. It is YOUR responsibility to see what you write and what gets published. If you can't handle that, don't sync your stuff together.
Jason: Again, right on.
Gordon: I STRONGLY doubt someone wanted to hack the Family Feud twitter site. Technology is no excuse to be an idiot. (Steps off podium)
Jason: (steps on) What G Said. He stole my thunder. Own your mistakes. (steps off)
Gordon: But I have more morons.
Jason: (rolls in the white board)

Are YOu Smarter than...Hoskote and Naina. The doctors need to take a reading refresher course.

Jason: YES
Chico: And this, by the way, is called intelligent discourse. Learn it folks.
Gordon: Now I have a LOT of Haterade. Who wants some?
Chico: Meeee!
Jason: I do!

We start with Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner, who are getting divorced, So are Lamar Odom and Kourtney Kardashian. Now they can get more airtime on Divorce Court.

Chico: I need the soapbox again.
Jason: (puts soapbox back) Go ahead
Chico: (Steps on) Kris Jenner is a media ho. (Steps off)
Jason: Tell us something we don't know, Chico
Chico: (Steps on) Bruce Jenner is not. And Celebrity Double Dare was underrated. (Steps off)
Gordon: (steps on) I have more Haterade. (Steps off)
Jason: Lets do it.
Gordon: (Steps back on) You all know how much we don't like Million Second Quiz, right?
Chico: Yep
Jason: Nods

Someone else thinks the same way - but this person is Nigel Lythgoe.  

Jason: Nigel is both correct and bitter
Chico: Hey Nigel.. Nigel? The Enemy Within called. He wants to know why you don't call him anymore.
Gordon: Maybe we need to go to the Uk and find out.
Chico: Maybe we do

We have a date for Pressure Pad, hosted by Scotland's favorite American, Or America's favorite Scot, Or something, I get confused. John Barrowman can turn it on and off... It's in November on BBC1.

Chico: Which means that you can win, Thousands of pounds! Because all of the BBC's money is going into Top Gear, Strictly Come Dancing, and Doctor Who.

My British game show hussy Davina McCall, who is either a robot, zombie or Wonder Woman, is fronting a physical game show called in Sync. A pilot was commissioned for ITV.

Gordon: Davina Zombie!

Chico: The zombie that took on Doctor Ho.
Jason: Ha!
Gordon: But she IS a Media Ho.
Chico: And so are these guys. (Plays Luda)

In this week's Media ho Report, Guy Fieri does Grocery Games, Bob Eubanks does Arizona. Jordin Sparks is dead on CSI, and her career can't be resuscitated either...

Jason: (rimshot)
Chico: But Gordon! How is she supposed to breathe...(Shades) with no air?

Jason: Dude, Chris Brown, look it up
Gordon: She needs an oxygen and agent transfusion.

Cee-lo's on again off again sexual harassment lawsuit is back on, Carson Daly gets engaged, and Sean Lowe and Catherine Guidice are having an engagement party. Chico is buying the party favors.

Chico: You don't want ME to buy the party favors.
Gordon; And why not?
Chico: I'd spike the punch with absinthe.
Jason: LOL
Chico: We gon' git stupid up in herre.
Gordon: Nice. But none of them are your hoes of the week.
Jason: Hoes?
Chico: Who have you got?
Gordon: Any mother daughter duo that wants to win $5,000 from Howard Stern. All you need to do, is get nekkid. It's the hottest mother/daughter contest.
Jason: This is 2013. This is tame by Howard Stern standards
Chico: I know, He'd usually give $10k up front first
Jason: LOL
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's BRAINVISION. Jason please...
Jason: Shutting down the choppler
Chico: Still to come, we try and spread the love through these hard times, but first, another visit from Swami Gordon.
Jason: A ha
Gordon: I see more silliness going on. You're reading WLTI, You give us 22 minutes and we'll give you 22 things you really need to read before doing. Like taking prescription pills. Parking your car. Going online.
Jason: Pressing send.

(BRAINVISION is presented by Kentucky Fried Tar Heels GIANT Ofer Holes. Now available in Philly Eagles Cheese Steak flavor! Taste the mediocrity.)