Episode 26.17 - It's the End of the World As We Know It (And Gordon & Chico Feel Fine)
May 23

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I can't wait for May 21st. That's when all the dinosaurs come out of the ground and terrorize everyone!
Chico: Gordon... It's May 23rd, and the Rapture didn't happen. By the way, this is Chico Alexander, and if you're reading this, congratulations on surviving the Rapture.
Gordon: ...no dinosaurs?
Chico: No dinosaurs. Sorry.
Gordon: No giant earthquake?
Chico: No giant earthquake.
Gordon: Not even a giant Justin Bieber concert with his high piercing screams blowing everyone's heads up?
Chico: No.
Gordon: No Ludacris concert of death?
Chico: No. And no Rebecca Black's "Friday" on subsonic loop either. So ... That's no Raptor, no Rupture, no Crapture, and no Rap-ture.
Gordon: This is the most underwhelming rapture ever. But hey! Maybe something will happen in October.
Chico: Maybe. But I wouldn't bet the house on it. No seriously, don't bet the house on it. But we can make up for it with a really great show.
Gordon: I would like a really great show.
Chico: You want a great show... Let's get it on! From somewhere in the Rapture-free America... WLTI... is.. ON!
Gordon: Whoo! There's a lot to go over here.
Chico: Yep. So we're going to start with a look into... THE FUTUREutureuture... The networks had their giant Upfront Week this week, and for the most part, it's business as usual come fall. Let's go over the list here... First, NBC is bringing three back: The Sing-Off, The Biggest Loser, and The Apprentice. The Sing-Off will lead off Monday nights against CBS's comedy block, ABC's Dancing, and what MAY be the last season of House on Fox. The other two shows will keep their slots. Minute to Win It, on the other hand, is nowhere to be found. If it does return, it won't be until 2012.
Gordon: Let's start with the good part first. The Biggest Loser is a lock. it's been producing both great ratings and merchandise sales for NBC.
Chico: Same with the Apprentice, thanks in no part to Donald Trump consistently whoring himself.
Gordon: You do what you have to do to survive.
Chico: And the Voice, NBC's midseason success story, is going for two in 2012.
Gordon: As long as they steer it away from Idol, it should be ok.
Chico: The bad... Am I the only one who sees something wrong with the Sing-Off in the regular season?
Gordon: No you're not. The Sing-off got ratings because they put it in December, with nothing else on.
Chico: And it was a good show. But it's not a Prime Time Player. And it can't survive in the face of a tough Monday slot.
Gordon: Against #1 rated show Dancing With The Stars, NBC? What are you thinking?
Chico: Quick kill.
Gordon: Which is too bad, because it's a good, solid show.
Chico: Yep. Which is in need of a judge because of what FOX has in store. It's X Factor in the fall, American Idol in the spring... and Million Dollar Money Drop down the hole...



Chico: Eat up, man. Thoughts?
Gordon: About MDMD...can I say I told you so now?
Chico: You can say I told you so now.
Gordon: I told you so now. :)
Chico: Ha HA. So X Factor on the fall. I mean, the last time Fox tried to pull something in the fall, it didn't work well for them. Maybe X Factor will be the key. It inherits all of Idol's time slots and two of Idol's judges. Overkill or insurance?
Gordon: Both. I think the X-Factor will bring in the ratings, but I don't know if it will be as big as Idol. Still, a Top 10 show would be a nice complement for Fox in the fall, as they don't have any sort of programming that would compel the viewers to flock over like Idol does.
Chico: True. With that, we go to CBS. Survivor and Amazing Race both return... Nothing new to see here folks.
Gordon: Nope, and well deserved renewals. I think part of the reason why CBS keps the redemption island theme is that they need something to battle The X Factor with.
Chico: Because it worked so well the first time.
Gordon: It did ok. It depends on who they bring back in, to be honest.
Chico: Well, they can't do any worse is all I'm saying. Or maybe they can... Hmmm... ANYWAY... ABC also renews their three: Dancing, Bachelor(ette), and Shark Tank. Hardly anything to quarrel with here. Dancing is dancing, Bachelor is... mindless fun... and something happened to Shark Tank in season 2... it found its footing.
Gordon: Well they also put in the guest stars, which I think improves the show and prevents it from being stale. From one aspect, it's what the Apprentice should have been.
Chico: Even if one of them is your sworn enemy =p
Gordon: If it makes better programming, then you have to go for it.
Chico: Right on. Speaking of better programming, we go to the CW, which is in need of some since it's without Smallville. Top Model returns, and we have a new game, The Frame. Remember season 1 of Big Brother? It's kinda like that... only in a store window or some such. It's based on an Israeli format.
Gordon: And it sounds like someone needs to go buy it a swimming pool, because I think it's going to take a dive.
Chico: Very nice imagery, sir. Of course, the only frame I need to see in primetime is in B&B Lanes on Fort Bragg Road, but I digress. From broadcast, we go to cable. The BIGGEST surprise... Pyramid lives on TBS.
Gordon: Well, the pilot does.
Chico: Sony shopped the pilot over to the network, they're putting it in development. No word on a release yet.
Gordon: That's a very strange move to do that, but I think it could work, if Richter can fill the shoes of Dick Clark. Those are HUGE shoes to fill. Yet, I think you could pair it up with a Match Game and it could work, and plop it right before or after Conan.
Chico: Before. Make it a nice solid block. Also on TNT, "The Great Escape"... which comes across to me like Jailbreak. Or "Worst Case Scenario: The Game". It is from the folks behind 24 and Amazing Race so expect lots of intrigue at play.
Gordon: Jailbreak to me. I am intrigued. We'll see what they can make happen here.
Chico: Right. Next is the Hub, which will launch its new season in August with Scrabble Showdown, The Game of Life, and season 2 of Family Game Night.
Gordon: Scrabble Showdown seems like a nice fit on the airwaves - especially if they put elements of Scrabble (the game show) in.
Chico: That'd be killer.
Gordon: Season 2 of Family Game night is a lock. As for The Game of Life...that concerns me. How are they going to make it a watchable, play at home game show?
Chico: I'm also curious as to how that'll translate to TV. I've always loved the board game, but how do you move a game like that to TV? It'll be interesting to say the least.
Gordon: There's one thing that we need to talk about.
Chico: What's that?
Gordon: The impending Football and basketball strikes. We are hoping that we'll see both sports. However, on the case that we don't, that will leaves holes all over the schedule - ESPECIALLY NBC, who has Sunday Night Football in America.
Chico: Because that's NBC Sunday bread and butter right there.
Gordon: Right. Any chance we'll see Minute to Win It if we get to football Armageddon?
Chico: I would think so, because the network hasn't cancelled it outright as of yet, and it has a whole summer to perform, so don't count Guy's Circle of Death out yet.
Gordon: Me neither. Now would I count out ESPN throwing up a game show or 2 should they not have NFL Monday night football / or basketball.
Chico: I think they'd go more the 30 for 30 route at this point, but anything's possible.
Gordon: You never know. Plus you have shows like Million Dollar Mind Game and The Cube (yuck) waiting around for the first sign of a new show failure.
Chico: I don't think Million Dollar Mind Game is going to air. If it hasn't aired in going on two years... it's not going to.
Gordon: You never know.
Chico: As for the Cube... I don't think CBS is going to go for it. They've banked on hit franchises so badly, that they're scripting Saturday night now. It's Rules of Engagement, comedy repeats, crime drama repeats, and 48 Hours on CBS Saturday. That's how stacked they are. I can't even remember the last time a new scripted program was on Saturday night.
Gordon: Yeah, but if the Saturday night block works, then more networks will try it, and the networks will need programming. Don't be surprised if a network counter-programs it with a game show.
Chico: I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest. And it'll be current, yet lighthearted, like early Minute to Win It.
Gordon: True.
Chico: And finally on the upfront front - GSN's two June offerings... Baggage season 3 (yay!)... and the show we're about to drop a capsule on... Lingo. If you've been a fan of GSN since 2002, you know how the game works: Five letter word Mastermind for cash and prizes. More cash and more prizes in this version, but also more change.
Gordon: Total Disclosure Moment: We saw a screener of one of the new Lingo shows. There's a lot that we can't talk about, like who won, how much and if they won the big money. But we'll try to give you as much as we can without getting our butts sued off.
Chico: Let's start with the good. For the most part, they left the game alone. It's still the same guess-a-word, place-the-letters... That sort of thing. A welcome addition: prize balls from the Francophone Canadian version. And Bill Engvall, when he's not reaching for the joke, is actually a good host. Sorta like "Do you miss Jeff Foxworthy" type of host.
Gordon: I agree with Chico on everything he's said above. Here's something else I like about it. I think Chico will list this as a bad, but I'll list it as a good - the Scrabble-style clues attached to the words now.
Chico: And Gordon hits the nail on the head again.
Gordon: Does it dumb the game down a little? Yes, and it makes it more like Scrabble the game, but what it DOES do is it makes the game more mainstream and adds more humor to the show.
Chico: But it doesn't add anything. The clues are clever, but do we really need them?
Gordon: Do the game show geeks need them? No. Does Bubba, the person who has no chance to solve the clue, need them? Yes, because then they can follow along and laugh with the players, and it gives him something to do besides get bored, change the channel and find out when the next rerun of 1,069 ways to Kill Off The Bachelor airs.
Chico: Heh. I mean, if you're going to do something like that, it should make an already good game better. It doesn't make it worse, but it doesn't make it better.
Gordon: If you're a game show geek, no. If you're a mainstreamer, yes. You had a few risqué moments on the show, thanks to the clues, that you wouldn't have had on the Chuck Woolery version.
Chico: Fine, I'll give you that.
Gordon: And for a show like Lingo, you want a more mainstream audience to give it a better rating, so for the longevity of the show, I think it is for the better.
Chico: Now tell me about the players who are hopped up on 5 Hour Energy, Frappuccinos, and enough cans of Red Bull to cause a minor cardiac incident.
Gordon: Um...yeah. The casting is obviously driven for more personality, and less brains. It was a 'lively' show.
Chico: Basically the folks who thought Catch 21 was too cerebral.
Gordon: I'll give you that. But to watch some of the players struggle in the early parts of the game was painful. It was clear though that one of the teams at least understood the premise of the show, while the other one looked like it was 2 comedians playing it for laughs.
Chico: Agreed. If you play three words in a round.. (and they're split into three rounds instead of two by the way)... you're doing it wrong.
Gordon: I didn't mind the 3 rounds.
Chico: I don't either.
Gordon: I minded what the values were.
Chico: Yeah, about the values. It's $100 a word, $100 a Lingo. ... then $200 per word/Lingo.... then $500?
Gordon: First round: $100. Fine. Second round: $200. Fine. Third round: $500? Inflation anyone? I can wipeout a huge lead with 2 clues.
Chico: And by doing that, it makes the first 2 rounds redundantly academic.
Gordon: In fact, from a strategy game point, you almost WANT to screw up the first 2 rounds so you can grab control in Round 3 and populate your board. By doing that, you can make up ground quickly.
Chico: VERY quickly. As for Bonus Lingo, you get the cash you won in the front game for keeps. Then they double it for every word you get within 90 seconds. Get five words... you win $100,000.
Gordon: I think the bonus round is very doable.
Chico: Oh yeah.
Gordon: It's hard, but I think at least 2 teams will win it. Even more.
Chico: In fact.. if Ben Ziek and Josh Guers were playing this iteration (sup, y'all), they would've won the $100K TWICE. If Jason and Jacky Hernandez played it, they would've won the big money. It's VERY doable. But you have to be really quick.
Gordon: Yep. You had 2 minutes in the old version You only have 90 seconds here.
Chico: But you can use those 90 seconds. And no bonus letters for Lingos (at least not in the screener we saw, but they MAY BE COMING)
Gordon: I doubt it. I don't think you put in the bonus letters, because it would make it way too easy. I think it's easy enough as is.

	LINGO GSN - 8p ET Weeknights starting June 6
	GORDON	CHICO	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	B	C	B-

Chico: We'll see. Let's grade it. I'm going with a C. It's not bad, but it just doesn't raise the game as much as a revival in 2011 should.
Gordon: I'm actually going to go higher. B. You are making the show more mainstream and opening up a big money win potential. Is it pandering to everyone? yes. But this is a set up for the long time future of the show, and I like where they are taking it.
Chico: Good for you then.
Gordon: I also think Bill Engvall is going to get better and I thought he was very good on the screener.
Chico: I think it should probably dial back on the excess, but that's just me.
Gordon: I don't disagree, but you need the excess.
Chico: Lingo drops its board June 6 on GSN. Watch for it. Now you want another power duo?
Gordon: No.



Gordon: Though I will say this. For the first time in a while, the best 2 singers are in the finals.
Chico: Agreed. But you could've made a case for any of the final three.
Gordon: Not really.
Chico: He's gonna explain.
Gordon: Haley fall down and go boom in the finals? No.
Chico: Better than a key change error from Lauren.
Gordon: True, but I think it's academic. Scotty has this sewn up.
Chico: Sometimes you fall down go boom, then you pick yourself back up. Ask Kirstie Alley (which we'll get to later). We could count all the ways that Scotty can possibly win this, but let's not, since we'd be here all day. But the point is that Lauren Alaina, as good a singer as she is, doesn't have the fan support that Scotty does.
Gordon: I think it's his to lose, and barring a disaster, he won't lose it.
Chico: Nope. Fantasia, run for cover, the Idol trophy is coming back to Carolina, and Scotty's going to hoist it. I mean, the support he got in the hometown visit, compared to the support Lauren got... Night and day.
Gordon: I agree. Now we need to chat about dancers being hoisted by their own petard.



Chico: Time to dance for a title. It's football player versus corporate stooge vs. underdog.
Gordon: You have the numbers, Chico?
Chico: I have the numbers. Going into this week... Hines & Kym are the favorites with 387 out of a possible 440. They average 26.4 from the judges. Next up, Chelsea & Mark with 378 out of 440, and a 25.7 average. Kirstie & Maks bring up the rear with 356 out of 440, a 24.3 average. Needless to say, Kristie & Maks need to do the most in order to even stand a CHANCE of winning... a CHANCE. As for the other two... it's NECK AND NECK. The final public vote will be critical.
Gordon: I think they do have a chance. The problem Kirstie has is the same issue as the one Bristol Palin had.
Chico: AAAAAAYYYYY! What I tell you about cussin'?
Gordon: Nice. Big Board please?

Gordon: The Subject: How Kirstie can win.
Chico: Tell us how Kirstie can win.
Gordon: #1. She MUST come in first place in the public vote. #2. She must not come in last on the judges ballots.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Assuming that she does that...#3. If that happens, the order must be converse i.e.. the voting order and judges order must be in reverse. if we assume that Hines is getting more votes than Chelsea, then the judges scoring order must be Chelsea, Hines, Kirstie. If the vote is Kirstie, Hines, Chelsea; in a 3 way tie, Kirstie wins because she has the audience vote.
Chico: So in order to stand a chance, she has to win the public vote. Not as hard as you think given that so much talent went before her.
Gordon: Exactly.
Chico: But again, it's not a pick-and-choose, ALL THREE need to be satisfied. And as I said before, the audience is going to be the kicker. The audience is always the kicker, it seems.
Gordon: It does. What's next on the docket?
Chico: Next... MORE BATTLES!



Gordon: I hear voices.
Chico: You do. We're going to go over the decisions and see if you agree. First battle was Nakia vs. Tje Austin singing "Closer" by Ne-Yo. We had Tje winning.... NAKIA won. Really? HONESTLY?
Gordon: Cee Lo, Cee Lo, Cee Lo. I don't get Cee Lo.
Chico: No, Cee Lo... Forget you. :-)
Gordon: Nice
Chico: Thank you. Next, Elenowen vs. Jared Blake. The song, "Ain't No Mountain High enough".
Gordon: No contest here.
Chico: Who do you think won this one? I'm going with Jared.
Gordon: Jared Blake.
Chico: We'd be right. We had a different battle last week, but NBC changed it up on us. Sneaky sneaks. Another changed battle: Angela Wolff vs. Javier Colon. the song... an a cappella favorite, "Stand by Me"
Gordon: And you would think Javier would be the favorite here.
Chico: I'm going to go with Javier, simply because of all the Voice contestants, he's the only one on the Billboard rising artists chart... I looked this up, y'all. I do it for you. I WOULD go for Javier, and guess what... We'd be right.
Gordon: Yay!
Chico: Javier's a strong favorite to win. Which would be good news for Adam Levine, obviously. Final battle... we actually DID call this one last week... Beverly McClellan vs. Justin Grennan. The song, "Baba O'Riley" by The Who. We both had Justin winning this battle... And we were both wrong. Oh Christina. Why Christina. Why.
Gordon: See here's the thing. The judges have their preferences in terms of likes. We both look at it more like who's the stronger candidate for the voting long run. Let's say I'm evil for one second.
Chico: You're evil all the time. What's this one second crap?
Gordon: ...point, Chico.
Chico: =p I'm sorry, but you walked into that one :-)
Gordon: I did ;). But let's say I am. I put the top 4 singers against the bottom 4 singers so I can get a power lineup for the voters. It seemed like some of the artists put what they thought were the best matches together. That would be a no no, because you weaken your chances to win by 50%
Chico: Nope. The coaches already did that for you.
Gordon: Apparently. When the smoke clears, we'll gauge the coach team chances. Meanwhile, who's up for gauging Jeopardy players chances?
Chico: I got a name for you that you're going to want to remember... Matt Neville. He's got two games down, both won by sizable margins. He could be the next great Jeopardy! champion. All he needed to do was beat Lisa Bloomberg, who could ALSO have been a great Jeopardy! champion. The FJ! category of destiny... "Long-Running Films". You're a music guy, G. But are you a movie guy?
Gordon: I am.
Chico: Okay, try this one...

Playing in theaters since 1975, this film has had the longest continuous theatrical run in movie history.

Gordon: (locked in)
Chico: Your joke answer?
Gordon: What is 'The Rapture is now...I mean now!...No it's NOW, I spent $140,000 on these subway billboards so it has to be now!'

(Rapture Joke Counter: 2)

Chico: Heh...
Gordon: The real answer: What is the Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Chico: Still plays at the Rialto in Durham.
Gordon: And in NJ at a number of places.
Chico: Matt Neville goes for three Monday. Meanwhile, Darnell and Mike are handing out tracts... "The end is near... the end... of the Opening Round... is near."

(Rapture Joke Counter: 3)

Chico: Oh, you're smart. Clever.
Gordon: Very cute. And right. Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. G, I notice you have a couple of spots of import on the calendar. Monday has an evil smile, while Thursday has feet.

The feet is So You Can Think You Can Dance, which is on Thursday.

Chico: With Mary Murphy returning.

Monday is The Bachelorette, Chico's second favorite show of all time. He loves that show so much.

Chico: About as much as a date with Wendy Williams and that one chick who won/lost the Bachelor the last go round... I forgot what her name was, but you know who I'm talking about. How YOU Derrin... that fake looking blond lady.
Gordon: Emily?
Chico: No, the one named for the sausage. VIENNA! Thanks, Brain!
Gordon: Maybe Vienna likes big bats. (Gives Chico a big bat)
Chico: Good night everybody!

Ben Bailey. Cab driver, Emmy winner, and now master of holes. The Emmy-winning host of Cash Cab has signed on to host "Who's Still Standing" for NBC.

Chico: Now Ben Bailey is actually pretty good at driving and asking questions at the same time. How will he do when he's NOT driving?
Gordon: Or more like...can he save this show?
Chico: Well, he might be more watchable, and kudos to NBC for not taking the easy route and going for whatever comic is available at the time... let me amend...whatever comic is available at the time AND has little to no hosting chops.
Gordon: It's a great opportunity for Bailey, and I know why he took it (you don't get these opportunities and you have to take advantage of it when you do), but I just wonder if this is the right format for him to do it on. I may have gone the Mark L. Walberg route, being that he already has experience with shows with holes.
Chico: Of course.
Gordon: But Bailey is a great choice as well.
Chico: How about Mark Thompson along that same vein? Or is he purely Fox's token wench?
Gordon: Thompson is solid as well. He may be Fox's wench, but he's a good reliable wench.
Chico: He is. And he's not dumb.
Gordon: I've got unreliable wenches, if you're interested.
Chico: Hit me

Are YOU Smarter than...Robert Spearing, who gets arrested for faking a mugging report to cover up that he lied to his wife about not getting tickets to Oprah Winfrey's finale show.

Chico: Which is Wednesday, I believe.
Gordon: This after the same thing happens 2 days earlier with someone who lied about tickets to the finale of American Idol.
Chico: Which is ALSO Wednesday. I'm looking at the two events, and they add up to May 21, 2011.
Gordon: Its the end of the World!!!!!

(Rapture Joke Counter: 4)

Chico: Buy tickets! BUY TICKETS!
Gordon: And now for soma Haterade....or in this case, a lot of Haterade. We start with the return of...



Chico: *rolls out a keg*
Augustus the Zombie: ... MY keg.
Chico: *rolls out keg to Augustus* ... did he just talk?
Gordon: ...I think so. Maybe he ate enough brains to do that.
Chico: Maybe...

And he can continue, as Shedding for the Wedding goes the way of the Wedding Fruitcake.

Chico: Or the wedding pie.
Gordon: Speaking of which...

Brad Womack drunk dials Emily after she breaks the relationship off, Chris Medina was NOT invited to the American Idol finale, and the producers of the U.S. X-Factor wants Cheryl Cole to dump Derek Hough, so she can be more attractive as a 'single' lady.

Chico: Hey, she don't have a ring on it, she's in play. That's the rule, right?
Gordon: Right. But I think she may want to get Fully Loaded while making the decision.
Chico: K. Just don't do it while watching Jeopardy!....

The Zombie takes out the Jeopardy! Premier Club due to lack of interest. Points earned will go to your Sony Rewards account.

Chico: Which sucks if you've played like me and haven't gotten anything yet.
Gordon: Aw. Well maybe that's where Augustus got the brain matter from.
Chico: Maybe. But at least I get more time to travel.
Gordon: True. Where are we going?
Chico: Malaysia.

7-Eleven is partnering with Facebook to develop an interactive game show in real-time, Price 4 Prize.

Gordon: The Price is Right, anyone?
Chico: BINGO. It'll be available to all 10 million Facebook users in Malaysia, and will begin May 23 and run through June 13.
Gordon: Nice. I assume anyone can be a contestant for the show?
Chico: Well, anyone who lives in Malaysia and has a Facebook account.
Gordon: So they can be the next Media Ho?
Chico: At least to their friends. :-)
Gordon: Give me some Luda
Chico: (plays "Pimpin' All Over the World")

In this week's Media Ho report, Carrie Underwood is now the new #1 seller of American Idol product, Haley Reinhart will release a single this week, Donald Trump says he MAY reconsider and run for president again...

Chico: ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Blake Shelton does Oklahoma tornado relief, Snoop Dogg wants to launch a talent contest of his own, and Ken Jennings birthday is this week.

Gordon: But none of them are your hoes for the week.
Chico: Who you got?
Gordon: And actually, it's a Super Ho.
Chico: A SUPER ho?
Gordon: It's Spider Man!
Chico: YAY!!!!...why?
Gordon: Bono and the Edge get the pimp slot for American Idol's finale, so they get to play music from their troubled musical in hopes that it doesn't become a disaster bigger than the failed rapture predictions.

(Rapture Joke Counter: 5)

Chico: If we didn't have bad jokes, we'd have no jokes. I believe that's the slot that goes to the act who leads into the final break before the winner is announced? Before the show runs over? And the tour begins?
Gordon: That is correct, sir.
Chico: Got it.
Gordon: No word if Simon Cowell is going to come out in a Green Goblin outfit
Chico: That would be cool, though.
Gordon: It would. And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision,... *fobs Choppler* Still to come, we rapture some undesirables to heaven on the Jersey Shore. We call it Deserted Island. But first... We take some lines and read between'em.
Gordon: You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 people that the rapture should have taken with them.

(Rapture Joke Counter: 6)

Gordon: By the way, has anyone seen Omarosa?
Chico: ... No.

(Brainvision has been brought to you by the next Justin Bieber. now that he's being all adult-like with Selena Gomez, music producers try to find the next 13 year old wunderkind that will make girlies everywhere scream and parent's wallets everywhere tremble with dread.)

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