Episode 26.15 - Gordon Laughs at Chico & Jason
May 9

Chico: Hello, friends... I'm Chico Alexander... and the beauty of this show is that we talk seriously... without taking ourselves seriously. To that end, I present... Gordon laughing at me.
Gordon: (points at Chico) BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Jason: Whoa....what's that for? Gordon...that's mean.
Gordon: Excuse me, Mr. Block, but I have some for you, also. (Points at Jason) - BWA HA HA HA HA HA
Jason: Wait a minute....oh yeah. I get it now.
Chico: Yep
Gordon: And for the people who don't, let's Flashback.

(Flashback Start)

KENDRA WILKINSON and her partner Louis van Amstel.

Jason: FINAL FOUR...and will make the final 3
Chico: Feminine grace and a will and unmatched hunger to win... and his partner has a body for days. :-)
Jason: ROFL
Chico: THIS... is your winner.
Gordon: I'm so glad you guys are picking her. Bottom.
Jason: Ok...why?
Gordon: This is a completely different audience block that watches DWTS over her E! Shows
Jason: I think that gets her there.
Chico: I think so too.
Gordon: She is also a MEDIA HO OFFENDER. She was in MTV's Celebrity Rap Challenge, coming in second, losing to Shar Jackson and moving like a pregnant octopus. If she kept the same moves for this show, she's doomed.
Chico: I mean, don't underestimate the female population that THRIVES on this show.
Gordon: The female population is NOT going to vote for her.
Chico: I dunno...
Gordon: You could make a case for the WWE Generation - except they have one of their own in there already.
Chico: Crazier things have happened... Remember the Hoff?
Gordon: I'm hoping, for your sake, that Kendra took dance lessons for the past 4 years.
Jason: I hope.
Gordon: This is a show that gets the Conservative to vote, like Bristol Palin and Disney stars. You really think a Playboy Bunny is going to get votes?
Jason: Yes I do. :)
Gordon: She is a PORN STAR. That's not going to fly in the Bible Belt.
Chico: ... You'd be surprised at what happens after dark in the Bible Belt, TRUST ME.
Gordon: The vote isn't taking place in the dark. And unfortunately, people need to be sober to vote. So to recap...
Jason: FINAL FOUR - Leonard, Alley, Wilkinson, WARD -- winner WARD.
Chico: Kirstie Alley, Chris Jericho, Ralph Macchio, and Kendra Wilkinson to win.
Gordon: Top 4: Chelsea Kane, Chris Jericho, Hines Ward and Romeo to win.
Chico: Might I add... Kendra is the bookie's favorite.
Gordon: And how well does the bookie do on this, since he picked the Hoff last season?
Chico: ...We'll see who's right and who gets the door prize later on in the season. Remember, March 21 is the go-live date for season 12.
Gordon: And I will laugh at you all the way if Kendra gets booted in the bottom 4.
Chico: You do that now, dude.

(Flashback End)

Gordon: So she lasted 2 spots longer than the bottom 4, but...BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Chico: Shut it. Now fast-forward to this week in DWTS, among other things because from somewhere in America, the Gordon Laughs at Chico and Jason edition of WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: YAY!
Gordon: Our special guest this week is someone who doesn't mind being laughed at when it's all in good fun, Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Not at all. I know you aren't being mean. Silly, but not mean.
Chico: Nope. he's just being himself, as we love him for it... sometimes.
Gordon: Well, this is one of those times, where I laugh at you guys for Jason putting Kendra Wilkinson in your final 4, and Chico for having her win the whole thing.



Gordon: What were you two thinking?
Jason: I thought she would come up dancing wise to her fan base
Jason: She is hugely popular.
Chico: I don't know. A lot of women watch Kendra and her impressive... talent...
Jason: plural
Gordon: With horny guys. Who, as we've seen throughout the show, don't vote.
Chico: A lot of women watch Dancing with the Stars.
Gordon: Women vote for Kendra? really? No. They are voting for hunky Ralph Macchio and Romeo.
Chico: Well fat lot of good it's doing both of them. Hines Ward is running away with it.
Gordon: I wouldn't say that.
Jason: I wouldn't either. NO ONE is "running away" with it.
Gordon: The 4 people expected to make the final 4 - Ralph Macchio, Romeo, Hines Ward and Chelsea Kane, have all had both the highest scores in the past month.
Chico: So it's a very muddled top five then, with the only constant being Kirstie's performance... those two falls aside. And apparently she's got a fanbase that most would clamor for. Not bad for someone who made chicken feed on Match Game back in the day.
Jason: True. Anyone could win
Gordon: So if we assume Kirstie will be leaving next week, that give us a Final Four of Chelsea, Ralph, Hines and Romeo.
Gordon: How many of those at the beginning of the season did you have in your final 4?
Chico: I had Ralph. That would be 1.
Jason: I would also have 1.
Gordon: How many do I have still alive, Chico?
Chico: You have... still alive, three.
Gordon: HA HA HA HA HA
Chico: We're not going to talk about Chris Jericho, though.
Gordon: No we won't. Of course, now that I just did that, Romeo will be booted and we'll all have 2 going into the finals.
Jason: LOL
Chico: And then we'll laugh at you. Ha HA!
Gordon: Let's go back to me making fun of both of you - with both of you having Jacob Lusk in as a Top 4.



Chico: Now I didn't know that he was going to completely screw the pooch. Especially THIS late in the game.
Jason: This was on HIM to lose. He screwed up.
Chico: I mean, it was Jacob's to lose for a while, and he lost it.
Gordon: He wasn't diverse, he didn't improve. and he was awful this week.
Chico: Now we can easily say that he was terrible, but we have a whole segment to fill out, so... Big Board Me!

Chico: We're calling this one not Jacob's Ladder, but Jacob's...Chute. First of all, he sounded like (bleep). When you are a male of the species, and you sound like a female of the species, you have a problem.
Jason: It usually doesn't go well.
Gordon: We have this thing here about selecting women's songs.
Chico: Not just women's songs. Women Idolers' songs that were originally sung with TWO people.
Gordon: And when you sound like a women singing a women's song with both parts, that's a problem.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Now if you're on RuPaul's Drag Race, I have no problem with it. However, if you're on American Idol, that usually turns the audience off.
Jason: That was part two of the mistake. A duet.
Chico: He was singing the song 'No Air' - as BOTH the Jordin role and the Chris Brown role.
Jason: With an American Idol winner and someone who is still known as the one who kicked Rihanna's butt. And a lot of people still haven't forgiven him for it.
Chico: Don't forget he busted a window at GMA. But that's neither here nor there.
Jason: People don't want to hear Chris Brown.
Gordon: That was a horrendous song choice
Chico: It was...
Gordon: He may have wanted to create a moment. He did. A WTHWT (what the heck was that?) moment.
Chico: TWO horrendous song choices... "Love Hurts"... SERIOUSLY, DUDE?
Gordon: I love that song. He mangled it.
Jason: And he was an octave too high.
Chico: And the judges were absolutely right. He needed to sing the classic soul crooners... and he didn't even touch them but once.
Gordon: Maybe Chris Brown, not having Rihanna to abuse anymore, kicked Jacob in the nads right before he went out on stage.
Chico: You're not playing to yourself, my friend... you're playing to the audience. The audience has an expectation of you that you failed to meet.
Jason: He did EVERYTHING wrong that night.
Gordon: When he was in a R&B element, he was very good. He completely missed it on Wednesday.
Chico: Absolutely missed it.
Gordon: From having Chris Brown do Roshambo on him to him playing with himself.
Chico: Ew. That leaves the odd final four. Scotty, Lauren, Haley (who no one saw coming by the way) and James. Next week, it's the songs of Leiber & Stoller... if I'm Scotty or Lauren... I'm concerned. Not only is this theme OUT of the wheelhouse, but strange things historically happen around the round of 4.
Gordon: I don't think you're going to have 2 country vocalists in the Final 3. You don't have the vote support.
Chico: No, sir.
Gordon: This should be Lauren's last week, but it wouldn't surprise me if Scotty gets the 'shocking' upset here.
Chico: Again, things tend to happen this week.
Jason: Yeah but at this point to me, you will have a better American Idol than the last two.
Chico: I will have ZERO problem if any of these four win.
Gordon: Agreed, but it should still be a Scotty / James Durbin Final, which I predicted...when? February?
Chico: About that, yeah.
Gordon: HA HA HA HA HA.
Jason: I don't think it's going to happen. Lauren will sneak in.
Chico: Nope. If anyone sneaks, it may be Haley. But again, I doubt we're going to see a female in the coronation round.
Gordon: Nope. It will be Scotty and James.
Chico: Now that that's out of the way, time for the morons to eat themselves!



Chico: Now that one of the most successful alliances in Survivor history has dispatched each and every one of their opponents, where's there left to turn except... on each other.
Jason: Had to be.
Gordon: And the most obvious target - Andrea - gets sent down. You do not want someone with ties with someone on Redemption Island (who could possibly come back) still around. The person with ties - Matt, who's still in the game.
Chico: Which means that it's going to be a lover's quarrel over on RI.
Jason: How do you think RI is going to play out?
Gordon: No idea. But if you're Rob, what do you do next?
Jason: Keep doing what you are doing
Chico: Seek and destroy. Can't take Phillip out YET. They're still locking horns on that one, though the rest of the tribe can stand to lose him.
Gordon: Well it comes down to the end game, and Philip is right here, the crazy person to take to the tribal finals.
Chico: And on that same tangent... I'm reasonably convinced that he is out of his fricking mind.
Jason: I don't. I think he is crazy like a fox. Playing crazy.
Gordon: Maybe. But is there a chance that people would vote for him as an anti-Rob Mariano vote if he gets there?
Jason: Nope
Chico: Nope.
Gordon: Philip is doing the right thing. He can get to the finals this way. I don't see how he wins it.
Chico: How can I put this...No.
Jason: Not even close
Chico: Here's a scary thought... Rob's in prime position to take this for once.
Jason: My words exactly.
Gordon: As long as only one person from Redemption Island shows up. He's not out of the woods yet by a long shot.
Chico: Nope, but he's farther along than anyone else from his tribe.
Gordon: Next up and out - Grant.
Chico: Grant.
Jason: Grant indeed
Chico: Now it's time to cross the finish line... almost. But first, we have to get rid of some more....



Gordon: And this was well-deserved.
Jason: Whine Whine whine whine...DONE.
Chico: Kent & Vyxsin. AKA Whine and Cheese.
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: Kent and Vyxsin decide to take a taxi to the pit Stop. Unfortunately for them, that's NOT what it says to do. They have to WALK there. And because of that, they get to wait 30 minutes and watch Gary / Mallory and Zev / Justin take their spots in the two hour finale.
Chico: You would think that it would be a no-brainer by this point. I mean, after we spent so much time ribbing Heather & Eve on it.
Gordon: I've said this before, and this time I'll ask it. Is this a better race because we have the same people play it, or a worse race because they are making a ton of errors?
Chico: Yes.
Jason: Yes :)
Chico: More the latter than the former, but yes.
Jason: Parts of both.
Chico: And we're promised that the ending will be nothing short of epic. At least that's what CBS says.
Jason: They ALWAYS say that.
Gordon: Well it could be an Epic disaster.
Chico: But do they ever use the phrase "photo finish"?
Gordon: That would be fun if you saw that for a million. The closest we saw was the end of Season 2.
Jason: It would be amazing
Chico: Yep. Now THAT would be an amazing race. Game of inches for a million. The finale we were meant to see. I really hope it happens.
Gordon: We'll see if it does. Something I do like on Jeopardy is all the close finishes. How much of that do we get this week?
Jason: Well.....
Chico: Oh geez. You think that teachers would be the best Jeopardy! players ever. But then again, you really have no choice when you're left with so many runaways. Begs the question.. If you are in a week 1 of a tournament and you know it's going to be a runaway for someone else. What do you do?
Jason: You go for it all
Gordon: Well it depends. How much do you have?
Chico: Let's say this is the Tuesday match. You're Caitlin Millat... and you have $6400. Your opponent (the one who still has money), has $29,000 and change.
Gordon: You have to bet it all and hope you snag a wild card berth. $6,400 on Teacher's week isn't going to be good enough.
Jason: Exactly.
Chico: She bets a dollar.
Chico: The good news is that she still has money win or lose. the bad news... it's not MUCH. And $6,400, give or take a dollar, is not a good wild card score.
Gordon: Can we get a FJ question sir?
Chico: Sure. How do you like American Poets?
Jason: Bring it.

"BEARING THE BANDAGES, WATER & SPONGE, STRAIGHT & SWIFT TO MY WOUNDED I GO", HE WROTE IN "THE WOUND-DRESSER"

Jason: Who is Walt Whitman?
Chico: He of the famous chocolate sampler. Gordon?
Gordon: Who is me after walking 8 miles yesterday on a hike?
Jason: Outstanding...8 miles!
Chico: Were you wounded? Do you need bandages?
Gordon: I needed a Band-Aid for my finger after scraping it on a tree.
Chico: Aww.
Gordon: (Sniffle)
Chico: Suck it up. It was Walt Whitman. Charley "Thinkin'" Tinkham moves on to Tuesday. Caitlin Millat doesn't.
Gordon: If it makes Caitlin feel any better, the low Wildcard slot was $17,201. Even if she bet it all, she still doesn't get in. SO she doesn't get the Players Betting Graphic, but as a rule, you have to aim high if you want to be a Wild Card against the best players. As a whole, week #1 had some outstanding play.
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: If the 5 day champion this week was the winner of all 5 games, they would have made over $120,000. That's really good.
Jason: Yes.
Chico: And now we move to week #2. Which means...IT'S TIME TO PICK.

Monday: Dan Crosby vs. Elisabeth Raab vs. Larry DeMoss

Chico: Larry decimated his foes on Friday. Dan and Elisabeth are wild cards.
Gordon: Larry cruised. I give it to him.
Chico: I agree.
Jason: Yes. Larry
Chico: Next...

Tuesday: Charley Tinkham vs. John Shoe vs. Lori Kissell

Chico: Lori won game 3, John is a wild card, Charley had the highest point total of the week.
Gordon: Charley was a monster. I'll stay with him.
Jason: Charley should win it all.
Chico: Monster.
Gordon: I won't say he'll win it all, because Jason just gave him the kiss of death.
Chico: Heh. Finally...

Wednesday: Kathy Casavant vs. Matt Polazzo vs. Charles Temple.

Chico: Kathy won on the back of her opponent's blunders... Matt is a wild card... Charles also a winner.
Gordon: I think Kathy wins this one easy.
Jason: Go with Charles
Chico: Again, Kathy won because her opponents made some mistakes. I don't think she gets off THAT easily. Shame for me to say, I'm going with Block's pick. Now who wins it all?
Jason: Charley
Chico: I like Charley.
Gordon: I'll go with Larry, since I know what happens to those who agree with Jason Block.
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: Youve been warned, Chico
Chico: I know. So that said, congratulations to Larry for winning the Jeopardy! Teacher's Tournament! Because apparently Gordon is clairvoyant.
Gordon: I'm sick like that, dude. Now will I be sick after watching the TPIR Mothers' Day show?
Chico: No... but it proves that moms do know best.
Gordon: Aw.
Jason: Yes they do
Chico: Especially when it comes to Cliffhangers (Sheena wanted $30 on a $50 cake set... mom Kimberly wanted $45). Needless to say, Kimberly won that one for the team.
Jason: A car for each :)
Chico: Yep. And all in all, over $93,000, a breakeven show, which is not bad for a special event show.
Jason: Not bad at all
Chico: But Kimberly & Sheena would not win a third car... Aww. Let's go to the Momcases...First up, four digital cameras, a Snapfish membership, a cruise of the Mediterranean, and a Mini Cooper. Gordon, you have the ESP, so you can bid or pass.
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: I'm passing. Jason likes Digital cameras.
Chico: And small British cars. Jason, your bid?
Jason: $28,000
Chico: Gordon.... you have $5000 to spend in Beverly Hills, a trip to Hawaii, and a Honda Insight EX 5-door.
Gordon: Ooh. That's ore like it.
Chico: Gordon apparently likes Hawaii.
Gordon: I do. The 5 G's won't hurt either. I bid $35,077, because this showcase doesn't suck.
Chico: Okay, Jason, your Showcase is... $39,829. You were way off. Gordon, your Showcase... is... $35,.... 328. You were not way off.
Gordon: So I win both showcases, because I was off by...$251. Crap.
Chico: D'oh!
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: Ok. So I win one showcase worth of prizes that Chico is never going to send to me vs. 2 showcases worth of prizes that Chico is never going to send to me.
Chico: If it's any consolation, you can fit the cow in the imaginary car.
Rob the Cash Cow: Moo
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks Doug. First up, I have Business to attend to.
Jason: (hands Chico the Bat)

The X Factor cast is now SET. Your judges: Simon Cowell, LA Reid, Cheryl Cole, and Paula Abdul. Starting at host: Steve Jones and Nicole Scherzinger.

Jason: That's big guns for you.
Chico: Now, I know Gordon's been clamoring for Paula almost as an apology for the last two years of American Idol.
Gordon: Paula and Simon. Together again.
Chico: THE BAND'S BACK TOGETHER.
Jason: But will we want to see them play?
Chico: Now if I may bring THIS out (pulls out cannonball marked "Contention") The Point of Contention: Now Cheryl Cole is pulled directly from the UK edition of X Factor, but there's a part of me that says that Simon only put her on the panel to jump start her career in the US.
Jason: No, really? LOL
Chico: As if to say "Listen... you do this show for me, I swear that I will make your breasts American treasures."
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: Of course he did. But it's a very smart move if Cheryl can produce.
Chico: And if it works, then Fox may not have to wait until January to be competitive. And if it doesn't, we're looking at our generation's Supertrain.
Jason: May I say that it may not be Idol that is stealing XFactor's Thunder. The Voice is. Coaches, teams...who knew?
Chico: I'm looking forward to the Battle Rounds which begin Tuesday, by the way.
Gordon: They should all be fun. So is the datebook.

No new shows this week, but we do have Week #2 of the Jeopardy Teacher's Tourney, The Voice Battles, and the penultimate episodes of The Biggest Loser and American Idol, as well as the Survivor Finale week, not to mention Wheel New Orleans week #2.

Jason: New Orleans has been a lot of fun so far for the wheel crew
Chico: Almost a blast, considering.
Gordon: I want to go on a trip, Chico. I'm tired of hiking, What else can I do?

When Simon isn't exposing Cheryl Cole to America, he'll turn the grand parlor game of roulette (which I apparently am VERY GOOD AT)... into the new UK series "Red or Black".

Gordon: Whoopie.
Jason: This reminds me of a lot of Japanese shows...and I don't like it.
Chico: The concept: 7000 contestants will be whittled down to one who will face the roulette wheel for 1 million pounds.
Jason: And a 50/50 flip
Chico: It's basically Ultra Quiz meets Wheel of Fortune, with a little big of Magnificent Marble Machine for added suckage.
Gordon: I definitely see the suckage part.
Jason: So do I.
Chico: Simon Cowell's favorite boys Ant & Dec are hosting. Well, that about does it for that. Speaking of things that suck. Gordon?
Gordon: I have people that suck here.

Are You Smarter than...Flava Flav, who gets pulled over for a routine traffic violation. That's not enough to get you on the dumb list, but this is - when the police picked him up, they saw FOUR warrants out for his arres and various driving violations.

Chico: WHAT?
Jason: Bad Flav
Gordon: No home game.
Chico: Getting there, but first... i need a drink. Serve, please.
Gordon: Serving
Jason: (cup out)
Gordon: And we have a mother's day appearance by...



Bullrun has past the year of expiry. It may be driving off into the sunset. Aw.

Jason: Too bad for that one.
Chico: Yep. But at least we get a show about cars that's hosted by three guys that ISN'T top Gear. Way to go, Speed.
Gordon: I liked that show.
Jason: So did I.
Chico: Thought it was a good, solid show. Why didn't they jump on it, I have no idea.
Gordon: I'm going to get fully loaded to feel better.
Chico: This'll make you feel really better.

First of all, if you want to go on AGT, but can't make it out to the auditions, then fire up your cameras and YouTube it. More info on that at nbc.com/agt.

Chico: Now I promised you a home game.
Jason: Yes. I want a home game.

Family Game Night, arguably the best show to come out of fall 2010. Now EA is giving you "Family Game Night 4: The Gameshow"

Gordon: I'll take it.
Jason: Me too. Cross Platforms?
Chico: Xbox, Wii, and PS3 this fall. Arguably to coincide with season 2. The video game has Connect 4 Basketball, Scrabble Flash, Yahtzee! Bowling, Sorry! Sliders, and the Monopoly Crazy Cash Machine. Playing the role of Todd Newton is Mr. Potato Head.
Jason: This could be a HUGE hit for EA
Chico: I agree, the FGN franchise is one of their best sellers... short behind a series featuring some hack named John Madden.
Gordon: I don't know about huge - I think you overestimate the family game market. But I think it should do well.
Chico: However, if you're a fan of FGN on the Hub, this is a must-get.
Jason: Exactly.
Chico: And Jason... it gives you an excuse to get a Kinect at last.
Gordon: I agree. Maybe we can find some electronic media hoes.
Chico: (plays "Pimpin' All Over the World")

In this week's Media Ho Report, Donald Trump doesn't do the Indy 500, various stars won't do anything with Donald Trump thanks to the whole birther thing, Mike Greenberg gets a sitcom based on his book 'Why My Wife Thinks I'm an idiot'...

Jason: LOL
Chico: Because you hosted Duel, dude.
Jason: And you dressed like Justin Bieber :)

Wink Martindale hosts Songs of the Silver Screen, Gordon Ramsay throws the first pitch of a Dodgers game - then goes to the Lakers playoff game, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey gets 2 babies into the world...Lady Gaga will be mentoring Idols' Top 4, Jillian Michaels will Join 'The Doctors', and Ashley Hebert, the New Bachelorette, will be in a special where she gets to see all of her potential guys. Chico can't wait for that.

Chico: Spare me.
Gordon: But none of them are the hoes of the week.
Jason: Plural?
Gordon: Plural. And Chico. the Crossing Over sign please?

CROSSING OVER

Gordon: now for week #1 of The Voice, we have had singers who should look familiar, like a Frenchie Davis. We have more this week.
Chico: MOOOOORE?
Gordon: I'll give you a singer on The Voice. You tell me why they may look familiar.
Jason: Ok
Chico: Alrighty.
Gordon: Vicci Martinez
Jason: Idol?
Chico: Rock Star?
Gordon: Idol and Star Search. She's a 3 time ho. Tori and Taylor Thompson
Jason: AGT?
Chico: American Juniors.
Gordon: Chico with the point
Chico: Tried to forget that. Succeeded. Thanks for bringing it back.
Gordon: No problem. Anyhow, is this a better competition because it's 'new', or is it a better competition because almost all of these singers have experience and are stacked? There's not a 'amateur' here in the bunch.
Chico: Yes.
Jason: Yes. (Again.) LOL
Chico: Well, there are amateurs, but I'll betcha dollars to donuts that they'll be knocked out in the battles.
Gordon: I agree. Welcome to 'Vocalist Showcase disguised as a talent show.' And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Jason, shut'er down.
Jason: Shutting down (flips switches off Choppler)
Chico: Still to come, fun... with fruit. But first...
Gordon: First we get to be illegal. Who wants to be illegal?
Chico: ... maybe?
Jason: Um...maybe. I don't want to go to jail.
Gordon: You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 more things that I canl laugh at Chico and Jason. Like that ridiculous pink and green bow tie Chico is wearing.
Chico: If you laugh any harder, you'll be pulling something out of his throat. Where's my business end...*gets bat again*
Jason: Chico...easy on the Pepper
Gordon: You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?
Chico: Who said anything about hitting you? You're gonna eat this b(bleep). =p
Gordon: Break!

(Brainvision is powered by "The BMX Factor". Sure you can sing, but can you do it while riding a high-powered bicycle through a series of obstacles? Hosted by Ryan Sheckler and Tony Hawk.)

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