Episode 26.12 - Trippy
April 4

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and this past week, I went trippy to Vegas. Made $300, so it was a fun trippy.
Chico: This is Chico Alexander. This past week, I went trippy to Los Angeles. Made nothing, but had a great time with great people.
Gordon: Which is always a good trippy. However, when we got back home, we found that...THE WORLD has gone trippy.
Chico: That said, it's time to get trippy talking about it. So from somewhere in trippy America, WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: And we start with the one thing that everyone's tripping about.



Chico: And by everyone, we mean EVERYONE. That is, the sudden departure of one Pia Toscano.
Gordon: Now usually, the morons are behind the mike. This time, however, the morons are behind the judges table and behind the phones.
Chico: Yep. If you ask me, she left WAY WAY WAY too soon.
Gordon: Well, yes...and no. I can understand why she left.
Chico: Big Bored, please?

Chico: We're calling this one, "Whose Job Is It Anyway?"
Gordon: Very true. #1. Obviously, the judges, who didn't use the Save.
Chico: Because let's face it; they can't. They already used it to save Casey 'Seth Rogen' Abrams over there.
Gordon: Very true. I know we were all over the judges for using it way too soon. THIS is why. It was a very very foolish move to use it that early, especially if it was planned. Way to go, judges. This is why we miss Simon Cowell, who never would have allowed them to use the save that early.
Chico: But more than that, you notice that even though there still harp a little about the singers, no one is actually being "the bad guy".
Gordon: We miss Simon for another reason: Simon would have told America who to vote and not vote for. With all the judges handing all the contestants a gold star, so to speak, you're relying on America, without guidance, to make the right decision. When that happens, bad things usually occur.
Chico: Call it the "everyone gets a gold medal" effect.
Gordon: And in this case, Pia gets crowned with it.
Chico: Part of being a judge is making a conscious decision to back one person or another.
Gordon: Correct. But once again, I'm going to say that it's America's fault.
Chico: So let's talk about America; 2) Second of the four little keys that make the show work. We have, of course, the audience, that get the show to where it is, and it's the audience that keeps it there via voting. But, and this is what happens when someone gets a case of preemptive winner's strike ... SOMEONE FORGOT TO VOTE! Hey Gordon?
Gordon: Yeees, Chico.
Chico: Tell the fine people what happens when someone is so good that people dismiss their voting.
Gordon: Well, they are gone, but I'm going to take a different angle here.
Chico: Take it away, sir.
Gordon: I do think that it is part Chaos Factor here - people didn't vote as hard because they thought she was safe, but I think this has to do with the evolution of the voting process. Big Bored please?

Gordon: Now who has won it for the past 3 seasons?
Chico: Hot guy with guitar (TM)
Gordon: And who votes for the hot guy with guitar?
Chico: The young girls. Who think he's dreamy.
Gordon: The young girls are the voting force of Idol. They are now the voting force. So the subject of this Big Bored: Chico and Gordon are 14 year old girls.
Chico: Something I know a little something about, and by a little, I mean absolutely zero. :-)
Gordon: We're going to take the contestants from the eyes of the teeny-boppers.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Starting with... Scotty McCreery
Chico: Dreamy.
Gordon: He's hot and he has a sexy voice.
Chico: He has that hot, buttery, clog your arteries baritone on him.
Gordon: James Durbin
Chico: Dreamy and kind of bad-ass.
Gordon: Very bad ass. The kid that mom doesn't want us to go out with. So he's hot.
Chico: The anti-Scotty.
Gordon: BTW, I think that barring something strange happening, those are your 2 finalists. Do you agree?
Chico: Oh, this show has has no shortage of strange things happening. I don't think James makes the finals. I think it'll be Scotty and MAYBE Jacob.
Gordon: Continuing with Jacob Lusk...
Chico: The classical tall dark and handsome dreamy.
Gordon: I think he took a drive into Creepyville last week when he talked about looking into their mirrors.
Chico: Which is why he was sent to the bottom three, but that'll change quickly.
Gordon: Less over the top creepy, more good singing. Next... Paul McDonald
Chico: ... Can't... fight... guitar... Guitar... compels...
Gordon: He's getting better during the competition. It wouldn't surprise me if he took the finals spot that's currently James' seat.
Chico: What about Casey Abrams? Could he do likewise?
Gordon: No. he's too niche. He's cute and he's funny, but he's a vocal lightweight. He needs to be more mainstream so he can connect with more 14 year old girls.
Chico: He's the loser who's going to go on and do bigger and better things in life.
Gordon: Very true. Though being an underdog in this competition is dangerous.
Chico: But right now, he's just too scruffy. I like him. I'm not IN like WITH him.
Gordon: Stefano Langone
Chico: Dark and mysterious dreamy.
Gordon: I dunno. Mommy didn't like it when he lied about his DWI.
Chico: Which makes him even darker and more mysterious.
Gordon: Yeah, but Jimmy is more dark and mysterious. He's a bad ass.
Chico: He's straight up bad-ass.
Gordon: Haley Reinhart.
Chico: Pfft. Next. Not interested AT ALL
Gordon: I'm a lesbian 14 year old and I like breasts.
Chico: Welcome to "Skins": the WLTI episode.
Gordon: My brother is 14 and he likes teh boobies too. And he votes once in a while. Lauren Alaina
Chico: Doesn't do it for me either. You?
Gordon: She reminds me of Miley Cyrus. I like Miley
Chico: Pre- or post-"See You Again"?
Gordon: post but pre 'Let's get nekkid in Maxim' Myley.
Chico: I like Miley post. Heh.
Gordon: Finally... Pia.
Chico: Oh yeah, forgot about her. She's loud.
Gordon: She's loud and not sexy.
Chico: My big brother likes her. But he doesn't vote...oh well. The other two bits of the show that make it work: contestant and competition. They kinda go hand in hand, because if you think about it, the contestants that have challenged themselves, varied themselves, played the game as it were; they play it well. Everyone else is just staying safe and not playing to win. And the show is not doing anything to change what they're about or challenge them in any way. So who's at fault for Pia's departure? I'm going to go with... pretty much everyone.
Gordon: Well the message that we've been seeing is - you do something different, you're out.
Chico: Anyone going to do something different for movie night?
Gordon: Probably not. They'll stay safely in their genres. Wee.
Chico: Or is it the self-fulfilling prophecy of the ladies staying safe and getting picked off for it.
Gordon: What about the self-fulfilling prophecy of if you get voted off once, you'll get voted off again?



Chico: Yep. One of those things, you don't know why, but you just saw coming. Matt makes it to the merge by offing of Sarita in Redemption Island...only to play the game as piss poor as he did on day one.
Gordon: What does everyone on the island do in Rob's camp? Plan to get rid of him. Which they do. Again. As for Matt - he needed to band with the other side and send Rob packing.
Chico: Yes, try and usurp the leader, but don't be so OBVIOUS with it! As a result of that, he's back to Matt Island.
Gordon: Can we change it fro Elrod Island to Nimrod island?
Chico: Yes. Yes we can.
Gordon: So if you're Rob, what do you need to do next?
Chico: I believe taking down the other tribe one by one is the next move, as they're going to try and shore up the numbers to get rid of me.
Gordon: I think I have to get rid of one - then I have to get rid of Phillip.
Chico: Because he is too much of a loose cannon?
Gordon: He still doesn't trust me and I know it, but I have to shore up the numbers first. Very loose and an easy flip
Chico: Another thing you have to ask yourself... Who'll take me to the end, and at the end, who will vote for me to win?.
Gordon: And that's the trick of Philip. You want to take him to the finals, but you don't know if he wants to take you there.
Chico: I know darn well he doesn't. Heh.He wants to take someone who has no chance of winning the money against a bitter and irate jury... in that case... well, MAYBE I want to take Rob. So there you go. Mexican standoff, Rob versus Phillip.
Gordon: Forced alliance. But is Philip smart enough to see it?
Chico: That is the question.... Phillip may be smart enough, but is he focused enough?
Gordon: That's the question that will be answered. Here's another one: will we see a deaf racer win the Amazing Race? Answer: Not this season.



Chico: Margie & Luke .... well, you remember how impatient Luke can get in times of duress? Enter time of duress, and enter Luke getting impatient. That would be tasting tea and matching it up with the tea you tasted in China. Luke may have keen senses to make up for his lack of hearing, but taste was clearly not one of them. Roadblock: take a papaya, a mango, and the brick of tea the teams received before leaving Kunming to the tea auctioneer. Then, they had to search among several hundred tea cups for one that held the same papaya-and-mango-infused tea that they tasted in China. Once they got the right tea, the auctioneer would give them their next clue. So it's the classic joke, a papaya, a mango, and a brick of tea leaves walks into a tea tasting ceremony...

(crickets)

Gordon: That joke was a brick.
Chico: Meh. This also puts into play a hidden Race strategy; Pay attention to the small things. They're relevant. It's all relevant. They had the tea before leaving China... and they didn't know it would be in the Roadblock, adding to Luke's troubles.
Gordon: And so Luke hit the great big brick wall of China, so to speak.
Chico: *rimshot* ... in India. Moving on, let's eat. Who's up for some Top Chef Masters 3?



Chico: If they want to drink the champion's tea, they're going to have to play the peasant's game ALL THE WAY THROUGH. This is one of the changes in season 3 of Top Chef Masters. For the first two seasons of TCM, you had a glut of celebrity superchefs, one step short of Iron, if you will, and they would compete in classic TC challenges to see who would go to play the Champions Round and the classic Top Chef game. NOT in season 3. This season starts with 12... ends with one. It's Top Chef from the start.
Gordon: And it's a welcome change, if you ask me. I like this version better.
Chico: Of course. It's an easy follow.
Gordon: Cause the first 2 seasons, were, dare I say, too professional? I like it down and dirty.
Chico: Ooh, baby. The roster of roasters...

- Hugh Acheson (Athens, GA)
- Floyd Cardoz (NYC)
- John Currence (Oxford, MS)
- Traci Des Jardins (San Francisco)
- George Mendes (NYC)
- Mary Sue Milliken (LA)
- Naomi Pomeroy (Portland, OR)
- Suvir Saran (NYC)
- John Rivera Sedlar (LA)
- Alex Stratta (Las Vegas)

Chico: You eat at Alex or Stratta out there, G?
Gordon: Did not, actually. Way too expensive for the peasant's wallet.
Chico: Right.

- Celina Tio (KC, MO)
- Sue Zemanick (New Orleans)

Chico: Anyway, they start REALLY dirty with... RESTAURANT WARS.
Gordon: I would think Des Jardins would be a heavy favorite here.
Chico: She would be a heavy favorite, but another heavy favorite won this challenge - Alex. And I mean that in every way possible. He's a heavy favorite, who is heavy.
Gordon: He is. Would you call them the favorites to meet in the finals?
Chico: Why not? After all, Alex seems to know his stuff, and so does Traci, who wins the first Quickfire. If I had to pick a third... MAYBE Celina Tio. Remember, she was also on series 3 of Next Iron Chef.
Gordon: She was, but she faltered.
Chico: Provided that we don't have any challenges based on seduction, though, Because she was on a run midway.
Gordon: True. Now she needs to finish the deal this time. Something that our Jeopardy champions have not been doing a good job at this week.
Chico: But one person has been doing a good job of it, Christopher Short.
Gordon: Sort of. He's gotten the wins, but he's been very, very lucky.
Chico: NOW one of the things I've always said about Jeopardy!... It's important to be smart. It's even more important to be lucky. THIS MAN is perhaps the luckiest man to ever play the game. He's won six games, but only one of them was a lock. Three of the FInal Jeopardy clues were triple stumpers that he won by betting conservatively. Let's see how one Gordon Pepper would do with these three... Ready, Gordon?
Gordon: Ready.
Chico: First, WORLD GEOGRAPHY...

These 3 nations each border the world's largest & smallest oceans.

Gordon: It's the Arctiic and Pacific Ocean, so what is The U.S., Canada and Russia.
Chico: You got it right. Think about the oceans, THEN think about the nations.
Gordon: Right.
Chico: Next, "BARTLETT'S FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS"

The latest "Bartlett's" lists quotes chronologically; the first quotes come from this country.

Gordon: Chronologically means the Dead Sea Scrolls - What is Egypt.
Chico: Correct. And on this one, Chris won $2400. the subject: LITERARY QUOTATIONS.

Pulitzer Prize winner Robert Frost remarked that this is what gets "lost in translation".

Gordon: What is anything penned by Kara Dioguardi?
Chico: CORRECT! ... but no. It was poetry.
Gordon: Aw.
Chico: Your answer... BARELY qualifies.
Gordon: You don't like the hurricanes and rainbows?
Chico: I love Hurricanes.... Oh, you're talking about boundary issues! I don't care for those.
Gordon: Oh I've got something for your Hurricanes later... :)
Chico: I bet you do.
Gordon: I do.
Chico: Chris has $94,752 and will defend Monday.
Gordon: True. And the New York Giants used to have to defend their title as the worst team on Silent Library ever. Fortunately, they no longer have to.



Gordon: We have a NEW champio...er... losers.
Chico: Ladies and gentlemen... JIMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYFALLON! (and the Roots). This was one of the preview episodes from two Fridays ago for season 4
Gordon: All they do is go 2-8 (Worst record ever) and make $1,200 (also the worst record ever)
Chico: If this was a regular show, they would've ... yeah, you know. But since this is a celebrity game, it gets bumped to $5500. But seriously... WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
Gordon: It was bad.
Chico: That's an understatement.
Gordon: Almost as bad as bobbing for hamsters in a plate of spaghetti.

*hamsters hide behind Choppler wheels*

Chico: NOW you've done it.
Gordon: Eve the cat suggested it. Not my idea.
Chico: Sure. Blame the evil cat. It's always the evil cat with you.
Gordon: Meow meow meow. Roll that beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. First of all, we have a bit of business. Now as you know, Prince William and Kate Middleton are getting married. Lovely lady... and a Curtis Stone lookalike.
Gordon: Very true.

GSN is celebrating with a week of royal-themed episodes of The Newlywed Game.

Chico: We have "Castle Weddings" on Monday, "Queen of My Heart" on Tuesday (which reads like Queen for a Day if you're old school), couples from Queens on Wednesday, prom kings & queens on Thursday, and on Friday.... pepole named Wills & Kate.
Gordon: That would be on April 18th, yes?
Chico: This starts April 18, yes. But this WEEK in particular starts April 25. So this is on next weeks Datebook. ALSO... And this item proves the point that if your name is Simon Cowell, you can pretty much greenlight anything...

Simon Cowell & ITV are working on a roulette-based game show called "Red or Black". And he wants Ant & Dec to host. Again.

Gordon: How did Ant and Dec do the last time they hosted a show?
Chico: "Push the Button"? *raspberries*
Gordon: How did Wanna Bet do?
Chico: *longer raspberry*
Gordon: How did Cupid do?
Chico: That... wasn't hosted by Ant OR Dec.
Gordon: No, but it WAS created by Simon Cowell.
Chico: So was X Factor... as much as it could be. By the way, protip to Simon... if you're going to reveal judges, you probably should do it before the actual auditions. JUST SAYING.
Gordon: We haven't seen X-Factor yet. However we have seen what Simon Cowell and Ant & Dec can do when it's not a music competition. This does not give me much confidence.
Chico: Right. So what does give you confidence, G?
Gordon: A date book from the week before.
Chico: Yep.

Monday gives us Love Triangle and Drew Carey's Improv-a-ganza....um...can I take back the confidence segue?

Chico: Drew Carey, I'm actually looking forward to. Love Triangle... not so much.
Gordon: Love Triangle is being hosted by Wendy 'Just got booted from Dancing With the Stars because I have the personality of a turnip' Williams.
Chico: How you drrrin'
Gordon: Wendy needs to get Fully Loaded.
Chico: Maybe if she did, she wouldn't be eliminated.
Gordon: She'd have more personality. That's for sure.
Chico: Speaking of personality. You love You Don't Know Jack, right?
Gordon: I do. Sans Pee Wee Herman
Chico: That's another show.

You Don't Know Jack is coming to iOS, that means if you have an iPod touch, an iPad, or one of these *breaks out iPhone*, you're going to have a little less time on your hands at work. Or at home. Or wherever you like to get your Jack on.

Chico: ... that sounds dirty. But it isn't.
Gordon: But it should be.
Chico: It should be. Just like dumb should be illegal.
Gordon: But it's comedy.
Chico: ... True. *brings out whiteboard*

Are YOU Smarter than...The Canadian Broadcasting Company, who have decided because they don't want to use American programming, to eliminate both Wheel of Fortune AND Jeopardy! from their schedule. No, this is NOT an April Fool's Joke.

Gordon: ...wha?
Chico: Yeah, they don't apparently want to rely on "crutches". Yeah, never mind that those "crutches" are giving you any ratings power in primetime. You're just a mite angry that a bunch of people are a mite angry.
Gordon: I'm guessing we're going to have some email from our Canadian Correspondent Ryan Vickers soon.
Chico: Not to take anything away from the angry people. But if it works, why are we bugging with it?
Gordon: Last time I checked, Jeopardy host Alex Trebek WAS CANADIAN. Just saying.
Chico: And some of the contestants... Don't forget some of the contestants.
Gordon: Lan Djang, etc. And since we've been out for 2 weeks, you know this guy's been busy.



Chico: Yo.

The following shows are going to a trip...to the Game Show Graveyard: Dating in the Dark, True Beauty, Shaq Vs., Frank the Entertainer in a Basement Affair, Tool Academy, Celebrity Fit Club, Shear Genius, and... the show that Chris Jericho was SWEARING would return for a second season...Downfall.

Gordon: That's a lot of dead game shows.
Chico: Well, look at it like this: more time for dancing.
Gordon: If he stays that long, sure.
Chico: Of course. Now let's take a trip...
Gordon: We just took one. :P
Chico: Well, given that "trippy" is the theme of this week... Remember when we said that Big Brother UK was dead and gone? Yeah, about that.

Channel 5 has inked a deal with endemol to bring the show back.



Gordon: Behold the power of green.
Chico: Money...
Gordon: Besides, you want more media hoes, don't you?
Chico: Of course I do. (plays "Pimpin' All Over the World")

In this week's Hodometer, Drew Carey is going to run a half-marathon, Pia says that Casey deserved the save (no he didn't), Thia and Naima blame the women voters for their ouster...

Chico: Clearly discounting the fact that they just didn't perform.
Gordon: Bitter, table of 3. Paging the Bitter group, table for 3.

Meredith Vieira is leaving The Today Show, Cheryl Cole is NOT joining the U.S. Version of The X-Factor, Karina Smirnoff is going to be in Playboy...NEKKID.

Chico: unless someone at ABC puts the kiboobie kibosh on it.

Chris Medina goes on tour for charity, Drew Lachey hosts America Sings, and Kirstie Alley gets a tattoo to remember Dancing With the Stars.

Gordon: But none of them is your ho of the week.
Chico: Who you got?
Gordon: I have Richard Hatch, who is emailing and publishing everywhere that he can prove his innocence. He only needs a mere $300,000 to keep his butt out of jail.
Chico: Yeah, good luck with that.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Shutting it down *pushes button of a fob, chirp chirp* Betcha didn't know I had one of those.
Gordon: Nice fob.
Chico: I also have a bunch of Whammies looking for a home. That's coming up, but first, Gordon?
Gordon: First up, we get rich. You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 fun things Chico and I did while we were on vacation.
Chico: And five of them are actually fit for broadcast.
Gordon: Like make $118 on a Press Your Luck SLot machine.
Chico: Game night with Joey Numbers...
Gordon: Watching scantily clad ladies perform on Treasure Island.
Chico: A cappella... And the Grand Canyon. That's five.

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Kentucky Fried Tarheels Hurricones! We need a dessert line, and we have it, ice cream in a soggy cone wrapping. The featured flavor? Arti-CHOKE! That's Kentucky Friend Tarheels: Rameses and Ices done right!)

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