Episode 26.2 - Returning Champions
January 17

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and...Chico, will you be my friend?
Chico: Already am
Jason: I am your friend, too!
Gordon: Because you know, things are sometimes better in pairs.
Chico: Right.
Jason: Agreed!
Gordon: Or a pair of friends. Of course there's 3 of us, and since Jason's already been on 5 game shows...(takes broom), out you go. (pushes Jason)
Jason: HEY! What do you mean.....AHHHHH! (Falls through trap door)
Gordon: Hey Chico, nice touch on that trap door. I suspect it's from the Russian Roulette set?
Chico: Yep. That was a good trap door show.
Gordon: How come you never told me about it before?
Chico: I never had to use it.
Gordon: Ah.
Chico: We'll talk about bad trap doors in a second, but first... from somewhere in America...and somewhere BELOW America, apparently... WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: Just to explain my point, the theme this week is all about pairs, friends and pairs of friends. And we discuss it with our special friend, Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: (from the hole) Can I get a hand please?
Chico: *helps J up*
Jason: Thanks. The padding down there was nice.
Gordon: We start this week with late and huge news on that front. GSN has announced the return of Lingo to the airwaves. with Bill Engvall as host.
Jason: HELL YEAH!
Chico: YES!
Gordon: We here, as you can tell, are slightly pleased about this.
Chico: A lot of interesting notes about this. first of all, Bill Engvall as host, which isn't THAT surprising. Second of all, the folks at Zoo Entertainment (5th Grader) are producing, which makes sense, since their parent company, All3Media, owns the property. 3, the opening season of 40 shows starts in June.
Jason: That means that 2 of the 4 Blue Collar Comedy Guys are hosts :)
Chico: And yes, 4. Lingo is one of our favorites.
Jason: One of the best of all time.
Chico: And apparently one of yours, because it's one of the biggest originals GSN has ever produced.
Gordon: It consistently gets high ratings, even in repeats.
Jason: Thinking show, great show.
Chico: This was a wise decision on all fronts.
Jason: GSN is on a roll lately
Gordon: It still had one of the higher ratings on the schedule when the show was cancelled. So what does the renewal mean? a bunch of things. Big Board please?

Gordon: The subject: R-E-N-E-W
Jason: Excellent Title.
Chico: Clever.
Gordon: Here's what it means: 1. GSN obviously has money to spend to make new shows.
Chico: Right.
Jason: Yes.
Chico: They've definitely grown as a network over the last year.
Gordon: 2. What they have on now is generating revenue, and are hits.
Chico: Let's see... Catch 21... Baggage... Newlywed Game... and now 1 vs. 100. They all work.
Gordon: 3. Obviously, it has online and social media potential
Chico: They all resonate, more importantly. Obviously. I'm hoping they bring back the online tournament. For guys like us who otherwise can't get out to LA, it's our ticket in.
Jason: Exactly :)
Gordon: It makes perfect sense to do so. 4. With a cheap budget ($5,000 to $10,000 an episode), This could see more seasons without much of a cringe on the budget.
Chico: Especially if they cast an assistant who'll work for scale (that role has yet to be cast)
Jason: Ha.
Chico: But to sum it all up, it has all the earmarks of another GSN hit. They're leaving the game alone, they've got a fan of the show as host... I'm seeing nothing but good things here.
Jason: It's all about execution. But I feel very good about this.
Gordon: We HOPE they leave the game alone. We havent't seen what changes they make on it, but we hope it's zero.
Chico: I'm just going by what the press junket is saying.
Gordon: True
Jason: I agree. Keep the game the same. And we have a win.
Chico: So we have a win... Who wants a loss? Who wants a BIG loss?
Jason: How big?
Chico: Ever lose $1 million on the first question?
Jason: OUCH. No.
Chico: That's what happens Tuesday as we roll out...



Gordon: Pretty graphics.
Chico: This week, Anna & Anthony Sinopoli are given $1 million. They want to take it on the red eye back to NYC. They can touch it. They can smell it... They can't hold onto it past the first question. Before I present the question, I just want to point out that in the first 5 minutes, you see EVERYTHING THAT'S WRONG WITH THIS SHOW. Just pointing that out.
Gordon: As for the couple...they're a pair, but they are more than friends.
Chico: They're married. Now the choices:

a) One made by Anheuser-Busch
b) One made by Dom Perignon
c) One made by an Atlanta soft drink company
d) One made by cows.

Chico: The question....

Traditionally, winners of the Indianapolis 500 drink what kind of beverage in victory lane?

Chico: Sixty seconds, clock's tickin'.
Gordon: I KNOW! Its the one made by Angelina Jolie after 60 seconds with Brad pitt!
Jason: LOL
Chico: ... Not that far from the truth, actually.
Gordon: No, its not
Jason: But if you know your sports...this is easy. It's D. It's the bottle of milk.
Gordon: I could be the annoying partner again, but I won't be. It's D.
Chico: Anthony SWEARS he knows his sports. Obviously he does not consider driving a sport.
Chico: Anna & Anthony go all-in on B. And, well, Watch the tape.


Chico: Now what's wrong here? Let's count the ways...

Chico: First of all, the question is a little poorly worded. I mean, you KNOW what Anheuser Busch makes. You KNOW what Dom Perignon makes. You know what cows and a lactating Angelina Jolie makes. If you didn't know what soda company was based in Atlanta... then you may have had an issue.
Jason: Oh please.
Chico: Or this could be a non-issue.
Jason: This is a non-issue.
Chico: Because you know the answer is milk.
Jason: The contestants were MORONS. Sorry.
Chico: That would be #2. The contestants are shouty, panicky morons. The kind that this show seems to live and die on.
Jason: Don't blame the show for a bad question - at least this time.
Chico: If you keep watching the contestants, you see that the woman makes all the choices, though you know that the guy just wants to say 'No, we're moving the money'.
Jason: Going back to the question....the image of the drivers drinking a bottle of milk is ICONIC.
Gordon: I agree with Jason here. You may not know about the soft drink, but you didn't need too. It's all about milk and last time I checked, you can't get drunk by sucking on a cow's udder.
Chico: Though if you were sucking on a cow's udder you were probably drunk to begin with. #3. it's just piss poor strategy. Unless you are absolutely sure of the answer, you need to hedge.
Gordon: If you're not 100% sure, split the money
Chico: Putting everything on one answer if you're not sure. is just bad game play. Bad bad bad.
Jason: So combine bad game play + bad contestants = $1M go bye bye
Chico: Money go down the hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooole. Again, the show lives and dies on this sort of thing. Meanwhile, those of us who watch it continue to suffer through it.
Gordon: And because if this poor play, can we award them the Dirty Flokati Rug Award, please?
Chico: Sure, why not.



Chico: Because you got BEAT!
Jason: No, you beat yourselves.
Chico: Same diff. Speaking of strong loud women and wussy men... Who here likes Oprah?
Jason: I don't personally. But that's me.
Chico: Me neither.
Gordon: I don;t mind Oprah, but I don't have OWN. I wonder who does....HEY! Chico does!
Chico: I do, don't I.
Jason: I do too!
Chico: I get to review Your OWN Show, don't I?
Gordon: Why yes! Yes you do!
Chico: And Block gets to help me.
Jason: I didn't watch it, but I can help
Chico: Okay. So 10 people from all walks of life are given a chance to host their own lifestyle show on OWN. Now stop me if you've heard this one. They're divided into two teams who have to produce a segment on a given assignment.
Jason: (Checking Reality Show Handbook(tm) Go on. You have your copy, G?
Gordon: Yes. That's page 69 under 'TV Star Competitions'.
Chico: The winning team is immune from elimination, while the losing team has to face the two hosts and the mentor du semain...
Jason: I smell Xerox
Chico: They choose two people to come back for an elimination interview. One of them gets sent home. Repeat until you have one left. No surprise on the Xerox, because this is a Mark Burnett joint. The good news... the format still works. The hosts, Nancy O'Dell and Carson Kressley... very engaging, Very lively.
Jason: The bad news...not original right?
Chico: That's only the crust of the bad, Blocky. How can I put this without sounding classless?
Jason: Try.
Chico: These contestants... They play to Oprah's demographic. They're Oprah's people. I mean, people like you, me, and Gordon over there... we don't stand a snowball's chance on this show.
Jason: Sycophants, toads and lackies? Or cultists who worship at the feet of Oprah?
Chico: The latter.
Jason: Of course.
Chico: Ten people who worship at the feet of O. They probably have lifetime subscriptions to O Magazine, they DVR the show. I swear all 10 of them were giving the "We're not worthy!" when she showed up on episode #1.
Gordon: Well, come on and let's be fair here. This is her show for a spot on her network. You're not going to come out and say how much Oprah sucks and how Dr. Phil needs to take fidelity lessons from Brett Favre.
Jason: ROFL
Chico: There's the format being done to death. It just seems like the whole show is just SAFE, you know? We're not going to try a twist on the format. We're not going to try someone who isn't in the Oprah demographic. We're just going to play it by ear. Not so much "hate on Oprah", but have their own idea on how to do things. You dare not say "I don't need Oprah", but we're all thinking it! Except for the 10 chosen for the show.
Jason: So it's vanilla ice cream, with vanilla milk on vanilla cookies

	YOUR OWN SHOW: OPRAH'S SEARCH FOR THE NEXT TV STAR OWN - 9p ET Fridays
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	NO GRADE	D+	NO GRADE	D+

Chico: With mayo on white for lunch. It just does NOT do ANYTHING for ANYBODY. It's not good, it's not bad, it just is. And for that, I have to give it a D+ The hosts save it from failure, but more or less, this is "The Apprentice: Oprah". Last one standing wins $100,000, a show, and a car.
Jason: Yawn.
Chico: Brutally honest review over. :-) And I'm standing by it.
Gordon: Cool. Now speaking of friends, there's been a lexicon for the past 10+ years called a 'Phone-A-Friend'.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: This is from Who Wants To Be A millionaire.
Jason: Yup. Know it well.
Chico: Me too.
Jason: 11 year anniversary this week
Gordon: This is the one that started the whole game show craze.
Chico: We love to call it, "The game that changed everything".
Jason: It was.
Gordon: And now, in the U.K., the civilian version is off the air.



Chico: We're not going to see any more civilian Millionaire.
Jason: Live Celeb specials will be the norm, which to me is heartbreaking.
Chico: Tell me about it. Have we become that lobotomized?
Jason: Maybe. Why couldn't ITV just hang on more?
Chico: Ratings just didn't belie it.
Jason: As happy as Lingo made me, this makes me just as sad.
Chico: I mean, you're going from a show that had 10 million viewers, to one that just had three.
Gordon: Fortunately, you have Jeopardy in the U.S.
Jason: Yes we do have J!
Chico: The folks at ITV say that the big thing is now celebrity shows instead of "ordinary punters". But I ask you... what's wrong with "ordinary punters"?
Jason: I have one word for ITV. Bull(^_^)
Gordon: That's 2 words, Jay.
Jason: Sorry.
Chico: I think I can pinpoint what the issue is. The way Millionaire started out, it was event television. The largest prize ever awarded on TV... and a few people had a chance at it But then it became a regular thing and lost some of its lustre. I mean, even AI is done ONCE a year.
Jason: AI isn't Millionaire. Come on. The issue is that ITV gave up on the show, and people in Britain are more interested in X-Factor than this show
Chico: I mean, you do the same thing day in, day out, in this day and age, programmers are going to get bored. And ITV just got bored of it. Millionaire wanted a compelling game, ITV wanted ratings. ITV basically said to Millionaire, 'we still wanna be friends, but as far as anything intimate, it ain't happening anymore'.
Jason: Wrong again, Chico. They mucked with the formula again.
Chico: Well that didn't help either. This from ITV. "The changes that were made last year haven't necessarily worked."
Jason: So blame it on the show for not sticking to it's principles.
Chico: Well if you change for the sake of change, what the hell do you expect?
Gordon: I expect any changes that are made to be good changes. That clearly did not work out in the UK, and we have a laundry list of why we don't like the changes made to the U.S. version.
Chico: We could go on all day, but the point it that the changes were needless.
Jason: Yeah
Chico: Real crap move on ITV's part.
Jason: Very much so.
Chico: I guarantee you people are going to get tired of Celebrity Millionaire after a while.
Gordon: Celeb Millionaire got tired VERY quickly in the U.S. I expect the same thing in the U.K.
Chico: Agreed.
Jason: Me too.
Chico: So a bad move by ITV. Would you say Boston Rob & Russell coming back to Survivor is a good move?
Gordon: Well there's a pair...of enemies.
Chico: These two seasoned vets are going to be team captains, as it were, in the upcoming Redemption Island season.
Jason: Can we find other people who haven't multiple shots at it get a shot? This upsets me as well.
Chico: I personally don't get it. You know, they proved with the move to Wednesdays, that you don't need a gimmick to get good ratings.
Gordon: Oh au contraire. They do it because it does bring a ratings boost to the show. Heroes Vs. Villains prduces the best ratings in 3 years,.
Chico: I'll give you that, but still, this just doesn't really scream out for change here.
Jason: I don't doubt the why. But I doubt the need
Chico: There you go. I mean, we've always said, cast compelling characters, chart a compelling game. It's not rocket science, people.
Jason: Russell will never learn his lesson and Rob wussed out last time.
Chico: Then you put out a good product. Again, NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
Jason: Right.
Gordon: I agree - but sometimes people like to see story arcs, and some people are compelling.
Chico: Just thinking, when did the game become secondary? You drop 16 Americans somewhere with nothing but a bag of supplies and their wits and you watch what happens.
Gordon: See when you play it like that, the game comes first. When you bring in characters you already know, the game becomes second and the personalities become primary.
Jason: Gordon is SPOT ON.
Chico: I guarantee you they're going to be the first ones, or amongst the first ones targeted by any smart people that might've crept through casting. I call it "The Jimmy Johnson Rule".
Gordon: So the chances of them all coming from American Next Top Model academy are pretty high.
Jason: Nods.
Chico: I say the over-under is about 10.
Gordon: What about the over / under on Watson destroying a pair of Jeopardy Champions?
Jason: Oh man. :)
Chico: That was a kill.
Jason: I don't know, but it's 50/50. I saw the video
Chico: I saw the video too. I mean, if you're a good Jeopardy! player... you know that there's more to the game than just a solid base of general knowledge. Now all that meta game is going to come into play more than ever. We know Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter are players. They're two of the best, if not the TWO best.
Jason: But if the video is any indication (which was of a practice round), we are in for a treat.
Chico: Now they're going to have to concentrate more on not playing with their brain, but playing with their instincts. And if they do that? We could be in for one heck of a match.
Jason: This COULD be the game show event of the year.
Gordon: It could be a lot of fun. The nice thing about it is that the players know what they are in for, so they can play accordingly.
Jason: I think the ratings for this (especially in Sweeps) will be HUGE.
Chico: Oh yeah, especially if the buzz around it is any indication. I mean, this is Deep Blue vs. Garry Kasparov... Ali vs. Frazier... John Henry vs. the steam engine... it's all of that.
Jason: The questions looked like Jeopardy questions. Not adjusted for the computer.
Chico: The computer sounds and plays like a regular opponent.
Jason: Scarily so.
Gordon: What's scary is that we lost a pair...of chefs this week



Chico: The chefs were divided into four teams, and Carla of Team 2 had the best blue-fish with watermelon (crazy, but apparently it works). Antonia, Jamie & Tiffani are stuck as the bottom team. Jamie, with a striped bass & watermelon salad, and Tiffani, with a bluefish tomato, corn, and zucchini salad, get the check this week. BOTH of them.
Gordon: A bounced check
Jason: Bouncy Bouncy :)
Chico: Meanwhile, we won't have to wait long for a bunch of hamsters and... is that a cat-shaped computer?
Gordon: Sure is. notice the hamsters are going nowhere near it.
Jason: Does it have a name?
Chico: Eve 2.0 Hold on... *computer growls fiercely*... There. That oughta do it.

(Hamsters Scatter)

Jason: Oh boy.
Gordon: Good. Now's who's going to start the Choppler?
Jason: (presses buttons and fires Choppler Up) Here We go.
Gordon: Cool. Roll that beautiful brain footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. Let's start with the calendar... so Gordon... Wednesday.
Gordon: (Plays Guitar Riff)
Chico: Basically.

American Idol is THIS Wednesday, not that FOX hasn't ingrained it into your skull already.

Jason: The most important season in Idol's History. PS: Post Simon
Gordon: It is. It starts up this week.
Chico: Either the changes are going to improve the show and make it viable, or the show will fail and die a slow and painful death.
Jason: I still say Hot Guy with Guitar wins for year 4 and Idol 10 is the end of the road.
Chico: I say Survivor knocks its block off.
Gordon: I think Idol, even without Simon, has the potential to be very potent should Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler raise their game.
Jason: You might have a Dancing/Survivor/Idol Battle going on
Chico: Reality show BIG BATTLE! FIGHT!
Jason: Exactly.
Gordon: Idol better bring it early, because they could be the odd group out here.
Chico: They could. More on that later. Right now... words I thought I would never say on this show...
Gordon: Jamie Lynn Spears is looking fine in her new school girl outfit?
Chico: ... where do you come UP with this? =p
Gordon: I'm deranged. Deal with it.
Chico: ...True...but not as deranged as this:

Merv Griffin wants to greenlight Pac-Man: The Reality Series.

Gordon: ....WHA?
Jason: This is BIZARRE
Chico: Roy Bank of MGE sees it as a competition akin to Wipeout.
Jason: I don't. This is DUMB.
Chico: Then again, the last time someone saw something as a competition akin to Wipeout, we got Crash Course. I like Pac-Man as much as the next guy if not more so, but... really?
Jason: This sounds a like a pitch meeting from a bunch of stoners got out. Hey man, live action Pac-Man. It could work...(inhale)
Chico: Isn't that how we got Katamari Damacy? Now THAT's a game show. Patent pending.
Gordon: There you go. Now THIS is Pacman

http://www.google.com/pacman/

Gordon: THIS is Merv's vision of Pacman (Link with Gaillard)


Gordon: I don't see how anyone would watch this as a reality show.
Chico: I.... I don't know.
Jason: I don't think so either.
Chico: Meanwhile, I need my dancing bat.
Jason: (hands Chico the glitter bat)

America, get ready to ride the tamale train again... Mary Murphy is BACK on SYTYCD.

Jason: (runs and hides)
Gordon: Hey. I like Mary Murphy
Chico: I also like Mary Murphy
Jason: She's loud and brash and well....
Chico: See? She's like us! :-)
Gordon: YAY!
Jason: Yay?
Chico: Yay!
Jason: But I will say, she is part of what makes SYTYCD a success. So we are glad she is back
Chico: Yes we are
Gordon: I am, Unfortunately, so is the Chalkboard. (Breaks out the first pack)

Are YOU Smarter than.. Mike Adamle, who gets busted for DUI.

Chico: Gladiators NOT ready.
Jason: Oh boy. :)
Gordon: But WAIT! There's MORE!
Jason: Bring it!
Chico: Oh boy.

Are YOU Smarter than...Richard Hatch, who gets convicted of violating his probation. That may not be too good if he makes the finals of The Apprentice and we have to go live via San Quentin.

Jason: ROFL
Jason: Donald Trump and Mark Burnett can get him a day pass
Gordon: Maybe. BUT WAIT! There's MORE!
Jason: Even more?
Gordon: MORE!
Chico: Dude!

Are YOU Smarter than...Big Brother 9's Matthew McDonald, who pleads guilty to participating in Adam Jasinski's drug ring. Like Adam, Matthew will be going away for a while. Maybe they can be the best of friends in prison too.

Jason: Wow. Just wow.
Gordon: Got soap?
Chico: Better not drop it. I think we're out of room on the chalkboard.
Jason: There is another side.
Chico: Oh yeah. Forgot about that.
Jason: (flips it over) See? Blank.
Gordon: But hey! Let's fill it! Want one more?
Jason: Sure.
Chico: I don't know if my heart can take it.

Are YOU Smarter than...Maks Chmerkovskiy, who says that he declined the role of the Bachelor. The problem is that according to the procuers, they never offered him the role to begin with.

Jason: Oops.
Chico: Sure they did.... in the Ukraine.
Gordon: I think it could possibly be a promo to see him in a Ukrainian version of it.
Jason: Could be.
Chico: Possibly. Okay, all this chalk dust is making me thirsty.
Jason: Can we use the pimp cups again?
Gordon: Yes we can, as I have Haterade.
Chico: Alright, but no beating anyone with it.
Jason: I won't.
Gordon: Good...

Because that almost wasn't said of Kara Dioguardi, who got booed out of her own press conference for her new show 'Platinum Hit' when she wouldn't answer any questions about American Idol and told people that if they wanted to know more about her old show, they should buy her upcoming book on it.

Jason: OOOOH. Not good, Kara. Not good.
Gordon: NOT a good way to attract people to a new show to get eyeballs.
Jason: Its about the show...NOT YOU.
Chico: Yup. Didn't work for Elizabeth Berkley. I'm just sayin'.
Gordon: Sure didn't. Maybe they both want to get fully loaded.
Chico: Maybe so. This one comes on a big red couch.
Jason: (brings in big red couch)

It's that time of the year again... February 8... it's The Test. Online. Jeopardy.com. You know where to go. You know what to do.

Jason: I wish I had this when I auditioned in 2000. This is great.
Gordon: I'm already registered. I expect you to be too.
Jason: Any fan who wants to try this...you have NO excuse.
Chico: No sir. Meanwhile, we have those who went to the couch and back...(Pimpin)

In this week's Media Ho Report, Will Smith will NOT Judge The X-Factor, Simon Cowell shows up on Archie, Barack Obama's appearance means no Money Drop on the 25th...

Gordon: PRAISE BE BARACK OBAMA!!!!!!
Jason: The State of the Union right?
Chico: Right
Jason: I cant believe I am writing this...but yes, Praise be the State of the Union.

Bob Barker donates $250,000 to Marine Research, Ryan Murphy signs on for the Glee Project, Jerry Rice is going to host Catch...

Jason: Barker continues to put his money to good use.
Gordon: But none of them are your hoes of the week.
Jason: Hoes?
Gordon: Lots of hoes. Hope Dworaczyk, La Toya Jackson, Star Jones, NeNe Leakes, Marlee Matlin, Lisa Rinna, Niki Taylor, Dionne Warwick, Gary Busey, Jose Canseco, David Cassidy, Richard Hatch, Lil Jon, Meat Loaf, Mark McGrath and John Rich.
Jason: Ah yes. The new Celeb Apprentice cast
Gordon: That's who they are. We'll see if they can get another season or if it's the final nail in the coffin.
Chico: I'm voting on final nail.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Meanwhile, let's send it around the world...
Jason: Where we headed?
Chico: Norway
Jason: TOO COLD.
Chico: Tell me about it.

But "Sold!" is redhot, so they're giving up another season

Chico: It's basically TPIR, but with houses and other real estate.
Gordon: Sounds fun.
Chico: I betcha it is.
Jason: Interesting.
Gordon: And that's BrainVision. Shut it down.
Jason: (shuts down the Choppler)
Chico: Alright. Still to come, we undertake the hardest of hard task: Casting. But first, we're going to the TCA to separate the truth from the bull.... funky.
Gordon: You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 things we could drop down the Million Dollar Money Drop hatches.
Jason: Kevin Pollak?
Chico: Toy trains...Last week's garbage...
Gordon: Steven Tyler's used up lipstick cases...
Chico: Rotten eggs...Kevin Pollak...
Jason: Thank you

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Million Dollar Stocks and Bonds Drops. We put up stock analysts, but at the bottom of the chute are 4 hungry grizzlies. Who knows their bulls and who gets to see the bear personally?)

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