Episode 26.8 - Duh. WINNING!
March 7
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I'm writing a
Dear John letter to the NFL, NBA and Major League Baseball.
Chico: You're breaking up with organized sport?
Gordon: As you may know, we have labor unrest or negotiations in the NFL and we
will have issues next year with the other 2 spotts.
Jason: True.
Chico: I blame the salary cap. And LeBron James.
Gordon: So I'm just letting people know that they can fill their tv time up with
game shows.
Chico: So long as they're not rancid. I think we remember what happened with the
NHL. After so many episodes of "Teammates", I was clamoring for hockey again.
Gordon: No American Gladiators Season 3?
Chico: No.
Jason: No thanks.
Chico: And no My Cornerback is Better Than Your Cornerback either. But we do
have this... From Somewhere in America... the WINNING! edition of WLTI... is..
ON!
Gordon: Chico and Me here, along with special guest Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Thank you.
Chico: As usual, we got a lot to go over and not much time, so let's get to it
with what Gordon promised last week... Idol. And lots of it. After two months,
we can safely say that reports of American Idol's death have been greatly
exaggerated.
Gordon: And there's one major reason for it - the talent. The ratings have been
up because the singing has actually been very good.
Chico: Sure has.
Jason: There are only about 1-2 people who would make me mad for them
winning...and they won't.
Chico: Basically saying, this is a talent competition, let's get back to the
talent. Let's take a look at the talent that made...
Idol Class of 2011... For REALS This Time
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Casey Abrams |
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James Durbin |
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Stefano Langone |
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Jacob Lusk |
Scotty McCreery |
Paul McDonald |
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Naima Adedapo |
Lauren Alaina |
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Ashthon Jones |
Thia Megia |
Haley Reinhart |
Lauren Rodriguez |
Pia Toscano |
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Chico: ... the Idol Class of 2011...For Reals
This Time. Here's your Top 13, America...
Casey Abrams - Wilmette, IL
Naima Adedapo - Milwaukee
Lauren Alaina - Rossville, GA
James Durbin - Santa Cruz, CA (Hey, I know where that is.)
Ashthon Jones - Valdosta, GA
Stefano Langone - Kent, WA
Jacob Lusk - Compton, CA
Scotty McCreery - Garner, NC
Paul McDonald - Huntsville, AL
Thia Megia - Hayward, CA
Chico: ..... Jason?
Jason: Yes...the repeat HO-offender :)
Chico: Fine, I'll push the button. (*pushes repeat ho-ffender button*)
Haley Reinhart - Wheeling, IL
Karen Rodriguez - New York City
Pia Toscano - Howard Beach, NY
Chico: I want to say that the females of the group have a very distinct
advantage. I can look at this list and name only two... maybe three.. really
strong male voices.
Jason: Based on one performance.
Chico: First impressions are LASTING impressions. And right now, Jacob and
Scotty are the two strongest male leads.
Jason: NO! Are you crazy? Scotty? yes. Try James Durbin. Try Paul McDonald.
Gordon: ...can I say something?
Jason: Sure.
Chico: ... Okay.
Gordon: You're BOTH wrong.
Chico: You suck. :-)
Jason: Aren't we always? :)
Gordon: When it comes to Idol? yes. And Jason still owes me a sushi dinner and
ice cream.
Jason: And since I am working, I can pay off :)
Chico: For those who are just joining us, Gordon loves American Idol season.
Because that's when he eats for free.
Gordon: Very true. Though I'm working out and losing weight, so Jason's going to
be lucky because he's only going to be paying off losing bets in free salads.
Chico: Because he and Jason have a running bet on who'll get eliminated, Jason
will invariably be wrong, and Gordon will get a dinner out of it.
Gordon: And I would like to point out I am the defending Idol champ.
Chico: This is true. Anyway, we're both wrong. Why, Gordon?
Gordon: So. Here's why you're both wrong. Until they change the format (which we
won't know about until this week), you have to be diverse to win Idol.
Chico: Right.
Jason: Agreed.
Gordon: James, Paul, Jacob and Casey are all specific niche singers. We don't
know if they can sing any other genre than what they presented us as.
Jason: True.
Chico: Okay.
Gordon: I'd give Paul an edge because he has a guitar, and immediately gets the
hot guy with guitar (TM) vote. But, as of right now, I think the winner is going
to be a female.
Jason: I happen to agree.
Gordon: Because it looks like they are a much more diverse bunch.
Chico: I was jut getting to that. The top 13 favors females.
Gordon: So it really doesn't matter which male has the edge, because I don't
think any of them win.
Chico: Let's see... Naima was pretty awesome. Didn't know why she didn't get the
public vote, but that's water under the bridge right now. Thia Megia... goes
without saying. Karen Rodriguez... well, I'm of two minds. She's a daring one
for doing what she did, but I question the timing of when she did it.
Gordon: Thia is going to be ridiculously dangerous, as long as she learned from
America's Got Talent to not be too precocious. She's a great singer, she has the
experience and she is under the radar, which right now, you want to be. I
disagree with you on Karen. She did what she had to do - she made herself known
and out there, and that got her in the Top 13.
Jason: Which was pretty much playing the race card on week 1. Yeah, I said it.
Chico: Yeah, but do you want to indulge yourself when the cut is that deep? I
mean, I understand that that is her strength, but she's singing for votes at
this point.
Gordon: Is she in the Top 13?
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Is she in by the judges or the public vote?
Chico: Public.
Jason: Public
Chico: Because she's got mad pipes.
Gordon: So hence, the public bought into her campaign.
Chico: Not taking anything from that.
Gordon: But you know who she is. That's how she got in. She did exactly what she
needed to do. I think she did a great job of selling herself and playing the
game. now she has to back it up with the talent.
Chico: Now can she win? She's up with a chance. Thia's up with a chance.
Gordon: Exactly. If you don't broadcast yourself, you don't have an identity,
and you don't get into the Top 13.
Chico: But you got to remember, Idol isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. You have
to be consistently good at all times. Identities get you in the front door...
but how long you are at the party is going to be dependent on how smart you are.
Gordon: As always, It depends on performance.
Jason: Of course it all does.
Gordon: And diversity. I think the women, right now, can be more diverse in
terms of song selection than the guys.
Chico: And again, it depends on what final twist is in store. Remember, that's
still very much hush hush.
Gordon: But I'll say this - The 10 singers who made the Top 13 via the public
vote picked VERY good song choices to get there.
Chico: VERY good.
Jason: Yup. Very good ones.
Gordon: I'm hoping that trend continues.
Jason: And here's next week's theme: On Wednesday, March 9 8/7c, America's Top
13 will take the stage to perform songs by their favorite artists. Tune in the
following night, Thursday, March 10 at 8/7c, to the live results show to see
performances by Adam Lambert and Diddy-Dirty Money with Skylar Grey and to find
out who receives enough votes to stay in the competition and who is sent home.
Jason: So again...wide berth.
Chico: So it's basically, "Our Favorite Artists".... again.
Gordon: That's fine. But they have to be VERY smart about this. Big Board
Please?
Sell Yourself Musically
1) Tell us who you are
2) Interview!
3) Own your mistakes
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Gordon: Subject: Selling yourself, Musically.
Chico: Pay attention. There'll be a test afterwards.
Gordon: This is the part of thec competition that you have to define who you are
and what you can do.
Jason: Seriously, pay attention. We may joke...but Gordon KNOWS this.
Gordon: And if you're one of the Final 13, take notes. 1. Tell us who you are.
Pick a specific gdenre song. If I say Scotty McCreery, what comes to mind?
Chico: Country.
Jason: Country.
Gordon: Jacob Lusk
Jason: R&B
Chico: R&B.
Gordon: Good. And of course, James Durbin and Paul McDonald are both rock. What
about Casey Abrams?
Chico: Seth Rogen.
Gordon: True, but musically?
Jason: Seth Rogen :)
Chico: .... Seth Rogen! :-)
Gordon: Ha. Seriously, I don't know what he does, and unless he shows that to
me, that could be trouble.
Chico: So he's in the grey area between rock and who knows what.
Gordon: Same with Stefano. He's a poppy kid. He needs to give us more than that.
Chico: Yep.
Jason: Yup
Chico: He's pop rock.
Gordon: Now for the women. Karen Rodriguez
Jason: Pop
Chico: Latin pop.
Gordon: I want to see her go the Latin route. Hero by Mariah Carey is not a
Latin song. I want Shakira or Michelle Visage. Something in that vein.
Jason: Dance pop.
Gordon: If she stays in pop, she's going to run into problems because she won't
musically back up her identity.
Chico: Unless she sings in Spanglish on every song.
Gordon: True, but that can get old, quickly. She can't paint herself in a
predictable box, either. Lauren Alaina
Jason: Country
Chico: That sorta Carrie Underwood Taylor Swift country pop?
Gordon: Yah. Ashthon Jones
Jason: R&B/POP
Chico: R&B
Gordon: Pia Toscano
Jason: Pop/Rock
Chico: Folk rock?
Gordon: I don't know, yet. She has to show us who she is. She reminds me of
Siobhan Magnus, in the sense that she has a great set of pipes, but we don't
know who she is.
Chico: We'll find out soon enough.
Jason: Right on
Chico: The next selection has to validate the first one, or else she fails as an
artist. You get me?
Jason: I do.
Gordon: This is the week that we need to know who you are. This is how you get a
fan base. If you can't carve up an identity here, you're going to have problems
later n down the line.
Chico: That's a note, isn't it?
Gordon: I'd say so. #2. The Interview this week is CRUCIAL. This is going to be
the first week where you have control of what you're going to say, because
you'll be asked why you selected that song.
Chico: Sometimes twice.
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Saying 'Well I liked the song' is a brutal waste and blows out any
chance to get any traction.
Chico: And it says "I'm indulgent." That's NEVER a good thing.
Gordon: This is a great time to get people to buy into you. Spin a story about
your personal life into the song. #3. If you pick a bad song, own up to it. At
this stage in the game, being an idiot does define you, but in a good way.
You'll curry votes out of sympathy and it also shows your humility. Taylor Hicks
used that tactic to win Season 5
Jason: And never say (as Jordan did) THIS SONG ISN'T ME. You say that - you are
DEAD.
Chico: Bingo.
Gordon: You can't say 'It's not me. You picked it' It's better to say 'Im an
idiot for picking the song'. Again, use the song and the interview to define who
you are.
Chico: I'd like to add on to that. 3a: if you pick a good song and perform it
badly, own up to it.
Jason: And in that vein...3b. NEVER NEVER NEVER argue with the judges.
Gordon: or Ryan
Chico: They have infinitely more experience than you. They'll eat you alive. Own
up to your mistakes. Use them to grow.
Gordon: The nice thing is that you don't have Simon, so the critiques will be
more constructive. And don't respond with 'Well I had fun with it' or 'I hope my
fans agree'. Usually, they won't. If you say 'Yeah, the execution wasn't there',
or get technical, you'll get more votes, because the audience will respect what
you tried to do. That worked for David Cook, Kris Allen and Lee DeWyze. So I
think that's all we got for that. If you're an idol hopeful, please read what we
have to say.
Chico: And take what we say to heart.
Gordon: And if you're Russell Hantz, please report to Redemption Island.
Chico: This was... well, it's not as historic as Jeff Probst would believe it
was, but it was still significant. Russell finally gets votes, and when he does,
it leads to his ouster.
Gordon: It just goes to show you just how dangerous Russell is that he almost
got out of a 6 on 3 jam against.
Chico: I think this was just a case of a tribe finally getting its collective
act together. And if I may say so...ahem....CALLED IT.
Jason: Oh?
Chico: I said Russell was not going to make it to the merge.
Jason: I still say he will. He is going to own redemption island.
Gordon: I am going to 100% agree with Jason.
Chico: Now THAT's historic.
Gordon: Which means I'll be wrong.
Jason: Hey!
Gordon: Here's where Russell has a major advantage. ALL of the challenges are
going to be from previous seasons of Survivor. Now let me be evil here.
Chico: You mean you need permission now? :-)
Gordon: Shut it.
Chico: Okay.
Gordon: If I'm Rob Mariano or anyone from his camp, and if I see him in the
arena, I make a deal with him to defect over when the merge happens and he gets
off the island. I may need that vote. And you know he won't vote with his old
tribe.
Jason: That's brilliant.
Gordon: People from the tribes are allowed to watch for a reason. I can use him
to Pagong his old tribe out of existence. Because I'm going to guess that if the
Tribes merge at 10, he'll be the odd man out - or the deciding vote.
Chico: But here's the thing. Can he really beat all of the people who are going
to challenge him?
Jason: Yes.
Chico: Well, he's got a bit of heft on a lot of players.
Gordon: His teams won immunity because of him.
Chico: And I can see where a lot of the duels are going to be tilted toward
physicality.
Gordon: He's a physical threat.
Chico: But how many individual immunities has he won in his last two seasons on
the show?
Gordon: He didn't have to win them.
Chico: I'm not going to count Matt out just yet. If he takes away focus at least
for a second... that's an opportunity. You can NEVER give your opponent an
opportunity. EVER. So the important bit to take from this.. Russell is down...
but not out. Which makes him EVEN MORE DANGEROUS THAN HE WAS WHEN HE STARTED!
Gordon: The most dangerous animal is the one who's fighting for their existence.
Chico: Backed into a corner.
Jason: grrrrrrr
Gordon: Like the Cowboys, They got out of the corner, but they got a lot of
help.
Jason: The challenges this past week were amazing
Chico: And remember the auto-U-turn from the beginning of the race? That comes
back to haunt Amanda & Kris in a BIG WAY.
Gordon: Sure does, because instead of being in the middle of the pack in a
scramble, Amanda and Kris have to go back and do an extra challenge. That
happens to be the difference, as they are Philiminated first.
Chico: To recap, the Detour tasks: Spirit World (make a traditional Australian
aboriginal stone mosaic) or Natural World (make a traiditonal Australian
aboriginal painting). Doesn't really matter what you're going to do first,
because you're going to have to do both anyway.
Chico: Meanwhile, the other teams' mistakes from Races past are coming back to
haunt them as well.. RON.
Jason: RON is a still a bonehead
Chico: The dude can't just do the dern thing.
Jason: Sorry. Hasn't learned
Gordon: Hey Chico!
Chico: Yyyyyyes Gordon?
Gordon: Remember when you told me that this season would be good because teams
have learned, and we'll get better gameplay?
Jason: (giggles)
Gordon: I haven't seemed to have found it. Have you seen where the gameplay
went?
Chico: About that... *laughs*... I put too much faith in people sometimes.
Gordon: Jay - did you find it?
Jason: Oh no...it seemed to hop on by when they were wearing kangaroo costumes
Gordon: I thought maybe someone left it in Australia, by the Qantas sign.
Chico: Now here's the thing... Zev & Justin seem to have hit a high point in the
first leg, because, you remember we all had them out first. They COME in first.
They're the team to beat right now. They're minimizing the mistakes... and they
have their passports with them. That was really the only BIG mistake they made,
so right now, they're on point. And I've said this before, and i'll keep saing
this, the teams that do well will be the teams that minimize their previous
errors.
Chico: Helps that Zev is crazy focused.
Gordon: For now. Let's see if he's like that 20 days in.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Cause I think any of them would lose to a team of Jeopardy Teen
Tournament Finalists.
Chico: Well, you want to talk about dangerous animals.
Jason: This was an amazing final.
Chico: What happened this week was the perfect storm leading to one
strategy...Go big, or go home. Dead heat scramble between the two leaders. Raya
had to play round 2 like a supercomputer gone berserk - and she did.
Gordon: And now, the questions is - do you want to try to end the match now?
Chico: You may want to think about just playing the game out and thinking about
the final when you get to the final. Because it's going to come down to that
last clue, and you need all the ching you can in order to be competitive.
Gordon: Depends on the category.
Chico: In that case, let me give you the pre-Final scores in round 1.
Raynell - $16,600.
Kailyn - $14,800
Raya - $15,400
Chico: Tight game. Anyway, how do you do with 20th CENTURY AUTHORS?
Gordon: We'll see.
Chico: The clue...
A NOVEL SET DURING THE DEPRESSION EARNED THIS AUTHOR A 1940 PULITZER PRIZE &
CONTRIBUTED TO HIM WINNING A NOBEL PRIZE IN 1962.
Jason: Who is John Steinbeck?
Gordon: Who is Stephenie Meyer?
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: When I see how much money those books have made, it gets me depressed.
Chico: No, her novels MAKE depression.
Gordon: I mean Christina Aguilera even sang about it.
Chico: Whiny teenagers and the vampires that love them. Next Oprah. John
Steinbeck is right. And the scores after round 1...
Raynell Cooper - $23,600
Kailyn LaPorte - $23,800
Raya Elias-Pushett - $15,851.
Chico: Dead heat scramble between the two leaders. Raya had to play round 2 like
a supercomputer gone berserk. And... she did. Now... I look at the
possibilities... Raynell doubles, he gets about $45,000. Kailyn doubles... she
gets about $45,000. Raya doubles.... she gets about $47,000.
Chico: And, of course, you have to be right.
Jason: Right.
Chico: So basically, you need to be correct.. and you need to be BALLSY. The two
things you need to win a Jeopardy! game, and you needed them BOTH. It basically
hurt my head trying to figure this out when I wrote it. So there you are... I
have the final if anyone wants it.
Jason: Lets hear it
Chico: Category is LANDMARKS.
COMPLETED IN 1869, IT HAS ALSO BEEN KNOWN BY ITS NICKNAME "THE HIGHWAY TO
INDIA"
Jason: What is the Suez Canal?
Gordon: What is the first Vegetarian McDonald's?
Chico: They have those, you know... Well, Mickey Ds that don't serve beef at
least.
Gordon: Well, I didn't think you'd have a beef with that answer.
Chico: It's India. I can't.
Jason: LOL
Chico: ... I may have a burger after this. It was the Suez Canal. Now for the
crucial bit. You had to have the right answer and the right wager. It was still
anyone's tournament to win. Let's go to Raynell first, he had Suez Canal... and
bet everything. He did what he had to do. Had to put yourself in the best
position possible, especially going into the final behind Kailyn. So the score
to beat: $45,200. Kailyn was also right. But here's her fatal flaw... she was
thinking, I believe, in terms of ONE game, instead of two. She bet... just
$7000. She can't do that. She had to bet it all in order to stand a chance.
Jason: Exactly. I was very surprised at that bet.
Chico: Again, when in doubt, put it out. AND you have to be correct. That leaves
Raya. Raya... "What is the Spice Road?"
Jason: Oh boy. Wrong.
Chico: Make that check payable to Raynell Cooper.
Chico: ... for doing the right thing.
Jason: I think I called him.
Chico: You did. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Jason: But the tournament was another excellent showing.
Gordon: That would be a fun tournament. Now what about some painful losses?
Chico: How painful are we talking?
Jason: I have two of them
Chico: Ow.
Jason: May I?
Gordon: This would be the...
(divided by 5)
Jason: On Tuesday night's Wheel of Fortune, Russ Ferry goes into the bonus round
with $36,518 in cash and a trip to Grenada. He lands on the N in WIN. He is
dealing with a THING. With the RSTLNE and his choices of D G P O we have:
_ O _ - T O
G _ _ D E
Jason: Guesses?
Chico: HOW-TO GUIDE.
Jason: You get it...he doesn't. In the envelope: $100,000. That's -$100,000
there. Two night later, Tangee Brunzell has $33,450 in cash and trip to the
Bahamas in her account.
Jason: She lands on the * wedge. She has a PHRASE to deal with. With the RSTLNE
and her choices of M P D O we have:
_ _ _ _ L E
R O O M
Jason: Guess?
Chico: I got it... It's a Giggle Room, isn't it? As in a room where you laugh at
stuff.
Jason: Who are you, Gordon?
Gordon: Hey!
Jason: LOL
Chico: Jungle Room? Elvis has one of those.
Jason: Nope. Something you need in a NYC subway car
Chico: "Nunchucks" doesn't fit!
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: Heh.
Jason: A CROWDED NYC subway car
Chico: Oh, WIGGLE ROOM!
Jason: YES! And again, for the 9th time in 11 tries, sadness.
Chico: Dude.
Jason: It's been hit 11 times in 125 shows.
Chico: That's a lot for one wedge.
Jason: That's about once every 11.1 shows
Chico: So every couple of weeks.
Jason: On average.
Gordon: So that's painful on Wheel. Now what about this scenario. Let's say
you're a beautiful model.
Chico: I'm a sexy sexy beast.
Jason: Bald and Sexy
Chico: .... Fierce.
Gordon: And you, as a sexy sexy model, could be one of America's Next Top
Models.
Chico: Until Tyra finds another. Because she will.
Gordon: You go to the audition and see Tyra, who says that you've made the show.
You do the whole episode 1 screaming and crying bit.
Chico: Right.
Jason: I see the formula
Gordon: And Tyra puts you in a limousine and sends you to the model house.
Except...there's no Model House. You were rejected.
Jason: What?
Chico: ... wait, what?
Gordon: in a twist that can only be described as bizarro, they do a reverse.
They wanted to show the eliminated what 'Rejection' feels like and give them a
taste of it. Meanwhile, the 'Rejected' models all find their way into the house.
Thoughts?
Chico: I would a) be understandably pissed...and b) look for a suitable
law-talking guy.
Jason: Unless the contract is iron clad...which it probably is.
Gordon: I'm sure it is. Now if you're a model, you're understandably PO'ed. What
if you're a viewer? Is this good tv or does this draw the line?
Jason: This is BAD TV. It's cruel (if you are the viewer).
Chico: I think this is about when you're not just jumping the shark, you're
doing catwalk spins around it.
Jason: For me personally...it's brilliant.
Chico: Yes, it gives the entitled a drag down to reality, but I don't need to
see that.
Gordon: Does this turn you off from watching the series?
Jason: As a viewer...yes. Looking at that way
Gordon: See if I'm a veteran, I'll keep watching. If I'm a new viewer, I
probably don't. Now I understand they need to jolt up the show a little. 15 +
cycles of any show is going to show some legs. I'm not sure, however, that this
is the way to do it.
Chico: How can I put this... the show has been hemorrhaging viewers since the
merge. This doesn't help.
Jason: Nope.
Chico: Shows like this will pull something in order to grab attention, but they
have a hard time converting attention into ratings.
Jason: After a disappointing premiere, CW's America's Next Top Model fell
another 18% to a 0.9 adults 18-49 rating (among women 18-34 it drew a 1.5
rating, down 21% vs. last week). Courtesy of TVbythenumbers.com. So the stunt
didn't help.
Gordon: I would say not. And I'd say going up against Idol with a real talent
base really isn't going to help, either.
Chico: No.
Jason: Not at all.
Chico: If anything, it might just prove to be the final nail, if the ratings
continue their downward dog. In fact, if I'm the CW, I would just rework the
entire schedule, because Smallville's going away (in a good way, mind you). And
the entire Wednesday lineup is DOA.
Gordon: You have the Vampire Diaries...and that's it.
Chico: Yep. BTW, if Tom Welling doesn't wear the suit in the final scene, I'm
swearing off the series. But I digress.
Gordon: And meanwhile, our model hamster Amanda is pissed off also.
Chico: Why this time?
Jason: What now?
Gordon: Apparently, one of the human contestants on a show she's working with
got freaked out when the challenge said they have to model with a hamster.
Amanda's thinking about filing a lawsuit
Jason: Hamsterphobic treatment?
Gordon: Yep.
Jason: That would make precedent
Chico: Oh boy.
Gordon: While we're dealing with that mess, roll that beautiful brain footage
(Doug:
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your
frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico
Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Gordon: We start with a Datebook.
Chico: Rock it.
On
Sunday we get 2 shows that Gordon can't wait to see...buried. That would be
America's Next Great Restaurant and The Celebrity Apprentice, Season 4.
Chico: Both of which we'll get into detail on next week's show. Including my
continued disdain for Bobby Flay.
Jason: Just because he is married to Stephanie March? :)
Chico: Well, there's that. But more important than that, we know that chefs
appear on TV to promote their restaurants/food/etc... but he's overdoing it.
Jason: And Gordon Ramsay isn't?
Chico: ... point taken. But I've never seen him stand on a cutting board.
Jason: That was 10 years ago
Chico: and?
Jason: whatever.
Chico: Yeah yeah, just hand me the green bat, please.
Jason: (hands Chico the Green Bat)
Renewals!
Come and get your new seasons of Bachelor Pad (August) and Silent Library (March
25)
Jason: BOOOOO...and YAY!
Gordon: You know, Chico needs his own Bachelor Pad.
Chico: Thanks, I have my own.
Gordon: I bet yours doesn't have Chris Harrison
Chico: No it doesn't. Thank goodness. As for your own personal library, what
would you say if we invited Jimmy Fallon, the Roots, and the cast of Jersey
Shore?
Jason: And some WWE people
Gordon: Sounds like a lot of fun
Chico: Sounds like a party. Except for one rule... SILENCE!
Gordon: It doesn't have a rule saying to not be stupid, though
Chico: *wheels in whiteboard*
Jason: (hands Gordon the dry marker)
Gordon: Now usually, it would be fun to go into a Charlie Sheen rant here.
Chico: (writes Charlie Sheen's name)
Gordon: In fact, it would be easy. TOO EASY. And if you know us, we don't take
the easy way out of anything
Chico: (Crosses Charlie Sheen's name out)
Gordon: And besides, this is much more bizarre.
Jason: More Bizarre than Tiger Blood?
Gordon: Oh yes.
Jason: Oh boy
Are
YOU smarter than...Abram Boise, from MTV's Challenge series. First he gets
arrested for urinating on public property, but we're not done yet.
Chico: Oh, you'll love how THIS ends.
Jason: Oh really?
He then allegedly redecorates his own cell with urine, then decorates another
cell with his own poop.
Jason: YUCK!
Chico: TJ Lavin unavailable for comment... and understandably so.
Gordon: ...you cant make this stuff up.
Chico: Nope.
Gordon: And now for some Haterade.
Chico: Serve up.
Even
in death, Corey Haim can't get respect. Him, Barbara Billingsley, Ed McMahon,
Lou Albano, Henry Gibson, Bea Arthur and Farrah Fawcett - all celebrities in
game shows - were omitted from the Academy Awards Honorarium List.
Chico: Seriously?
Jason: Dumbasses
Chico: As in... SERIOUSLY?
Gordon: You omitted Mr. Star Search. good job.
Chico: Now let's get loaded
Jason: (HIC)
This
week, it's the return of The Price is Rights' Home Viewer Showcase, in which you
can guess at the price of a Showcase at priceisiright.com
Jason: I like this
Chico: Here's how it works, you're going to get a prize every day for a week.
Then you get the price. You put the price into priceisright.com and you're
entered into the drawing for that prize.
Gordon: It's still a cute idea.
Chico: very
Jason: Seriously...it took them THIS long to use the net do this?
Gordon: Yes. It took them a much shorter time to get hoes.
Chico: Well, it helps matters when they come out in full force. (plays "Pimpin
all over the World")
In
this week's Media Ho Report, Wendy Williams talks about her new show Love
Triangle, Donald Trump gets roasted, then wants Charlie Sheen to be on The
Apprentice, which means he's been baked also...
Chico: Ha.
Sing Off Champs Committed will sing at the Image Awards, Guy Fieri does Tampa
Tacos, Dave Salmoni will host Expedition: Impossible...Danny Gokey joins Taylor
Swift on certain tour dates, Christina 'Twilight's Last Reaming' Aguilera will
join Cee Lo Green and Adam Levine on 'The Voice', and Maksim Chmerkovsky regrets
doing The Bachelor's Ukrainian Spinoff.
Gordon: But none of them are the hoes of the week.
Chico: I have a feeling we have MULTIPLE hoes this week.
Jason: I sense a lot of them I can even predict them
Gordon: What about 11 of them?
Chico: Nailed it.
Jason: That was the number I had.
Chico: I have a list
Gordon: Present the list
"Fat Actress" Kirstie Alley
DJ "Psycho Mike" from "Loveline".
Corporate service shill #1 Chris "Downfall" Jericho
Corporate service shill #2 Chelsea "JONAS" Kane
Corporate service shill #2.5 Sugar Ray "The Contender" Leonard
Original "Karate Kid" Ralph Macchio
Model Petra (first one out) Nemcova
Actor/entrepreneur Romeo
Future Football Hall of Famer Hines Ward
Kendra Wilkinson
and the aforementioned Wendy Williams.
Gordon: Right. This is your new cast of the next cycle of Dancing With the Stars
Chico: Launching March 21 on ABC.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And finally, let's go to Canada...
From
the country that brought us Cash Cab Canada, Are You Smarter than a Canadian 5th
Grader and Deal or No Deal Canada comes... Top Chef Canada.
Chico: That'll launch on Food Network Canada April 11. Canada.
Gordon: Nice. And that's BrainVision. Shut it down.
Jason: (Shutting Down)
Chico: Thanks. Still to come, things that should... and will... happen in the
future, maybe. But first... we overthink things. Again.
Jason: Again?
Chico: Trust us. We know what we're doing. But you'll want to know what they
were thinking after the break.
Gordon: You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22
elimination challnges more interesting than collecting keys using sticks.
Chico: Or twine.
Gordon: Like a swedish Bikini pose down
Chico: Nice.
Jason: I dont want to see Russell in a bikini. Ewwwww
Gordon: Or being chased by wild windebeests. Loser gets eaten.
Chico: Nom nom nom.
(BrainVision has been brought to you by Top Chef: Groundhog Meat. 6 weeks
Early Spring, My Ass.)
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