Episode 17.17
April 28

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I finally found something worse than Dave Price.
Chico: This is Chico Alexander... and I may have found something worse than even THAT.
Gordon: My clip is worse than your clip?
Chico: There's an idea for a WLTI game. But for now... from somewhere in America... the "Jason is a bonehead" edition.. of WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: Well, we do have a new game this week, but we'll get to that in the next segment. But first, since it's just me and Chico right now (Block will be in shortly), we will proudly say that Jason...is a bonehead.
Chico: Which Jason? Pick one. They're all over the place.
Gordon: Now if you think we're talking about Jason Block, or Jason Elliott, the answer is no...because they are always boneheads, so we don't need to say anything behind their back that we usually say in front of their face.
Chico: Because as boneheaded as they may be, we respect their boneheadedness. And at times... even love it.
Gordon: We do. Even Jason 'JD' Hernandez. We can throw him in there, and Jason Wuthrich.
Chico: How about Jason on Survivor?
Gordon: Now THIS is a bonehead.
Chico: Agreed. Let's go over the timeline, shall we?
Gordon: Lets.

1. Ozzy gets immunity idol
2. Ozzy gets booted by the women, who want the men gone

Chico: Haters.

3. Jason sees Ozzy getting blindsided
4. Jason finds the newly reset immunity idol
5. The women INSIST that he won't get thrown off
6. Jason sees Erik the birthday boy get immunity.

Chico: Yay.

7. The women still want to get rid of the men. Last time we checked, Jason is one of the male variety. (Since they wouldn't let him show his chest on tv if he was a woman)

Chico: Right.

8. There are more fan women than fave women left, which will save James,
9. Why in the blazes does Jason not see that being both a man and a fan, that he is clearly the next target?

Chico: Because he's a bonehead.
Gordon: That would be...BONE HEAD! He doesn't learn from Ozzy, so he must repeat what happened to him. I hope that James and the birthday boy are taking notes.
Chico: And Jason's left to say "If only I used the idol. If only I used the idol" If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas. Instead, now it's two men... against an orgy of women who all want to kill them everybody panic.
Gordon: it's a Lorena Bobbitt party!
Chico: Sleep on your bellies, boys. And here, to explain on behalf of all Jason's everywhere, is Jason Block.
Jason: (Entering the room) What is it with people and immunity idols? I just have to ask...has ANYONE used an immunity Idol ever?
Chico: I think ONCE. Twice if you count Jamie's fakeout from last season.
Jason: I think what happens is people get too trustworthy and then you get nailed because you think that people will never vote you OUT.
Chico: People seem to forget that this is a game. You have to play to win. If you play to not lose, eventually... you'll lose.
Jason: Exactly. If you have that powerful a tool. Use it.
Chico: Use every card in your hand. Can't take it with you.
Gordon: We go from the strategic bonehead to the musical kind.
Chico: And from Jason to... well, Jason.
Gordon: And we'll start with Jason Castro, who was...well, what was he, Chico?
Chico: He was a bonehead. Not so much for what he did... but for how he did it.
Gordon: Do tell.
Chico: His song choice of Andrew Lloyd Webber week... "Memory" from Cats. Difficult for a male voice to pull off... but doable. But here's Jason, right, and he's putting up this character again like he's ... well, somewhere out there. So what was supposed to be a powerful, yet sentimental ballad turns into... a kitty mewing.
Gordon: If his performance a week ago was a luau, then this week's past performance must have been a luau when they were roasting the cats and serving them as a main dish to go with poi.
Chico: You EAT cats?!
Gordon: They taste good on Melmac.
Chico: Oh. Cool. Anyway, believe it or not, he wasn't the only bonehead on stage.
Gordon: And he wasn't the worst one.
Chico: There was also the Brooke bonehead.
Gordon: Is she a bobblehead bonehead?
Chico: Yes. You know you're going to have a bad night when you ask for a do-over. Though Simon said he would've done the same thing... Gordon, you go to concerts regularly, right?
Gordon: I do
Jason: So do I.
Chico: How many do-overs have you seen?
Gordon: Not many
Jason: Agreed...and the artists who do it have been so big, they can get away with it.
Gordon: Yes they can
Chico: Brooke isn't that big yet.
Gordon: Apparently, she is
Chico: So we have the two worst singers of the night.
Gordon: Well...no we don't.
Chico: Getting there. David, David, and Syesha... they killed.
Gordon: They were all very good.
Jason: Agreed.
Chico: And then ... there's Miss Shenanigans. I wanted to hear Carly's original choice. Maybe it would've saved her.
Gordon: Maybe it would have.
Jason: I don't think so. And I will tell you why. You would have had Simon say the exact same thing he told Cook. Not your element, not your best performance etc etc etc.
Chico: Instead, it's all, hey, there's money to be made in the selling of ideals (thanks, Darren Hayes).
Gordon: but she would have had to knock it out of the park. And here's the problem. Big Board, please

Gordon: Subject: Anatomy of a Chaos Theory Boot.
Chico: Ooh! I had a Venn diagram prepared for this very moment!
Jason: Very cool!
Gordon: Is that going up this week?
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: Nice.
Jason: Math geek
Chico: Word to my pants.
Gordon: We start with the people who sang so good that they weren't going anywhere.
Chico: That would be the Two Davids.
Jason: David Cook, David Archuleta
Gordon: That would be David and David.
Chico: They go in the good circle.
Jason: (places in Good Circle)
Gordon: Next up - the people that their fanbases KNEW were in trouble. They knew they had to vote for them or they would be gone.
Chico: That would be Brooke and Jason. They go in the BAD circle.
Jason: (goes in Bad Circle) You cost me SUSHI!
Gordon: Yum. Sushi dinner. For those people who didn't know, Jason and I had a bet. I bet that Brooke wasn't going to be out this week. Jason said she would, and a sushi dinner was on the line. So...that does make Jason Block a bonehead.
Jason: No, it makes me a bad gambler
Gordon: What makes now different than any other time?
Jason: Ahem. Back to the Venn Diagram....
Chico: And in the middle, neither good nor bad... Syesha and Carly.
Gordon: Syesha and Carly were both not good enough for people to vote for them. and not bad enough for people to think they were in danger. Hence, they are in the bottom.
Chico: And you knew one of them was going.
Gordon: And since Carly was leagues worse than Syesha (and Carly was bad, missing both the pitch and lyrics. She even admitted it in the press conferences), out she goes.
Jason: But she got a little testy, blaming a bit of sexism. She claimed women have it harder.
Chico: I call BS. Men have it just as hard if not harder. A woman can sing anything. A guy can't sing a woman's song unless he can somehow tailor it to his voice (See Vandross, Luther).
Gordon: And I blame her attitude as part of the reason why she is leaving. She didn't connect with the audience, and she got snarky to the judges - neither of which are endearing traits. Maybe the women have it harder this year...because the guys are better?
Jason: Does her 2001 Contract have ANYTHING to do with it at all?
Gordon: The contract may be a slight factor, but there are other factors that are more predominant. The fact that she couldnt get the chorus right on 2 tries being a major factor.
Chico: Not to mention she's just scary looking. She forgot why we love her. There's your disconnect. So this week, as we play Neil Diamond's best, we can expect one of the bad people to go away.... That's how it usually happens after a chaotic week.
Gordon: So we have one less rock and roll singer. But we have one more bad substitute host on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
Jason: And who was that host?
Chico: Billy Bush.
Jason: You mean Let's Make a Deal wasn't a fluke?
Chico: Nope.
Jason: Just checking.
Chico: See, the problem I have with Billy Bush is... he tries too hard. And he honestly believes he's too cool for this gig.
Gordon: If we have any delusional broadcasting executive who thinks that Billy is ready right now for another game show hosting gig, they need to watch this tape 20-30 times as punishment.
Chico: Put the two together, and we have a bad game show host caricature. "Look at the way I adjust my face." "... I can do Regis!"
Gordon: I'll add something else to it. The pacing is all wrong. He's not into the pacing of the show that Meredith Vieira sets up for it.
Jason: A too fast guy for a semi-relaxed show?
Chico: That's Billy on Millionaire. I'm talking Billy in general. Billy's a motormouth. Let's Make a Deal... Never set it up. Grease... Never set it up.
Gordon: He's talking over the audience. He's not being dramatic or maybe even paying attention to what's going on.
Chico: When I used to be in the UNC Glee Club, we had a rule... "Tell the story. Don't just sing the song, tell the story." Billy's just singing. You know what I'm getting at?
Jason: Hell yeah.
Chico: There's a subtext at work.
Gordon: Here's the biggest difference - Meredith is letting the contestant set the tempo and pace of play. Billy is setting his own pace and tempo, and screw the contestant if they don't want to play along.
Chico: End result, another tape to file away in the recesses of Special Hell.
Jason: Yeah...another Bush no one watched this week on TV.
Chico: Too... Many... Bushes. Shame it was on Deal Wheel week, too. As for el Presidente... the object of his gratitude was Joseph Kobes, who turned down a $110,000 deal ... to get a $144,000 one. He turns THAT down and the next case he opens... $750,000.
Gordon: (Gong) (Buzz) Wa waa waa waaaaaaa
Jason: Ouch.
Chico: He ends up with a cool $26,000. Which could be tripled to $78,000 or HALVED to $13,000.
Jason: The deal wheel is what again?
Chico: 30 spaces on the wheel: 15 double, five triple, 10 halve.
Jason: Ouch. Does he have to go for it?
Chico: He has to go for it. Good thing he did, because he tripled to $78,000. LeTia Soney, meanwhile, she traded in $1000 for $20,100 in cash and prizes, including dinner with Billy Blanks and a guest shot in one of his TaeBo videos. And a week of private lessons.: She spins the wheel... and doubles the take to $40,200.
Gordon: That ends Monday. Yay! BUT as the Deal Wheel giveth, the wheel can also taketh.
Chico: Wednesday featured Tony Canastrano from Buffalo. Turns down $157,000... opens up $750K. He ends up dealing for $66,000. Jenna Steinhoff plays after that. Jenna ends up giving up $268,000 for one more case... $1 million. She ends up with $119,000.
Jason: Ouch.
Gordon: Now on Monday, the Deal Wheel was kind. This time around - not so much.
Chico: Now to the wheel... Both of them banker out. That can be a verb, right?
Jason: He gets $33,000, she gets $59,500?
Chico: Yes and yes. You both lose.
Jason: A nice pay day, but not as nice as it could have been.
Chico: Still, though, it could've been worse.
Gordon: Sure could. I prefer to see whatever Billy Bush made on Millionaire get cut like a machete wielder wearing a hockey mask at a Summer camp.
Chico: Damn, Gordon, be kind.
Gordon: (looking up dictionary)...I don't think 'Kind' is part of my vocabulary.
Chico: Does that book have the number of delegates to sign the Declaration of Independence?
Jason: That's an Almanac
Gordon: it does. I only have a dictionary
Chico: Ah. Well... would you happen to know how many delegates signed the Declaration of Independence?
Gordon: I do, actually. That would be 56.
Jason: 55
Chico: Gordon... would've taken $1 million of Fox's money.
Jason: Wow.
Gordon: And as we see, Jason...is a bonehead.
Jason: Bite me.
Chico: The guy that ends up walking away with $500,000... Kurt Conole. Still a big payday. Would've been bigger if he went for it... nah, would've been smaller. Kurt was off by 3. He would've gotten it wrong
Gordon: Good move for him. Also a good move for the rest of America that this edition of Big Brother is ending.
Jason: ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! Not that's it ending...who is in the final!
Chico: Adam and Ryan. There are your final two. The moron and the idiot.
Jason: The autistic hater/gay basher and the idiot.
Gordon: Or shall we say...the retard?
Chico: Fine then. The moron and the retard.
Gordon: Now we traditionally break this down to determine who wins. But...
Chico: I know what you're going to ask, Gordon... and the answer is "No, we really don't care either."
Gordon: I want to write off this season, so I'm just going to flip a coin on each person. Big Board, please.

Chico: Done.
Gordon: Subject: It's a coin flip. Both people are so universally hated and had the strategic play of a banana (actually, all of the hamsters did), so this is the only way to properly give tribute to them - decide the same way they played.
Chico: Should we all have coins?
Gordon: Yes, we should all have coins.
Chico: Okay, heads is..
Gordon: Heads is Ryan, as that's what Jennifer gave him while they were in the Big Brother house.
Jason: Oh. Snap.
Chico: Ba-zing.
Jason: And Adam is Tails because he is the biggest ass ever in the bb house? :P
Gordon: Works for me. So Amber from last season...you have officially been replaced as Village Idiot. Let's start with... Matt. (flips) Adam
Chico: Ryan.
Jason: Adam

Matt: Adam

Gordon: James
Chico: Ryan
Gordon: Adam
Jason: Adam

James: Adam

Gordon: Chelsia
Chico: Ryan.
Gordon: Ryan
Jason: Ryan

Chelsia: Ryan

Gordon: Joshua (flips...) Ryan
Jason: Adam
Chico: Adam

Joshua: Adam

Gordon: Sharon
Chico: Adam
Gordon: Ryan
Jason: Adam

Sharon: Adam

Gordon: Natalie
Chico: Ryan
Jason: Ryan
Gordon: Adam

Natalie: Ryan

Gordon: Sheila (flips) Adam
Jason: Ryan
Chico: Ryan

Sheila: Ryan

Jason: So what does leave us with?
Gordon: So according to our coin flip method, Adam wins, 4-3. Matt, James, Joshua and Sharon voting for Adam.
Chico: That said, we'll congratulate Jacob for winning Big Brother 9, and Gloria Norans for completely f'ing up my head with her play of Now or Then on Thursday
Jason: Oh yeah. She got 5 in a row...wha?
Chico: She got two... then got another two. The products:

Cascade dishwashing detergent at $3.09, Act mouthwash at $5.49, GE light bulbs at $1.79, V8 at $3.15, Banquet Dessert Bakes at $3.79, and MidNite sleep aid at $9.95.

Chico: That's counting from the top middle clockwise. She gets the V8 and the detergent. She gets #4 first... Then moves to #1.
Jason: She misses the third
Chico: Call me crazy, but when you get #4, shouldn't you go to 3 or 5 next?
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Well, let's play Devils Advocate here.
Chico: Okay, Devil's Advocate.
Jason: You would.
Gordon: Did Gloria look like she knew what she was doing?
Chico: .... No.
Gordon: Did it look like she's seen the game before?
Jason: No
Gordon: ...never mind. She's a bonehead.
Chico: But wait! There's more!
Gordon: More?
Jason: More?
Chico: She gets the 4 and the 1... then misses the 3. Could go any which way else... she gets 5. Which connects to 4. At this rate, the only logical way to go is 6... She goes... to 2. Granted, she inevitably wins, but... come on. She fell into this one.
Jason: Fell? She tripped, did a 360 somersault and landed perfectly.
Chico: You forgot a double lutz, J. And a death spiral.
Gordon: And she gets greeted off stage by...a crowd of hamsters.
Chico: And they're all in bowling shirts.. Cute.
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage
Chico: Alrighty then.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. Gordon, first story?
Gordon: I got some dates for you

We start with this weekend, with the premiere of Celebrcadabra - joy. April 28th has Playcafe Vs. Ken Jennings on playcafe.com

Jason: That should be fun.
Chico: Give'em hell, G
Gordon: (pounds chest) I'll do my best
Jason: Don't hurt yourself
Chico: Meanwhile, we get the green light ready.
Gordon: I got this one

We have the cast of "I Love New York" vs. the cast of "Flavor of Love" vs. the cast of "Rock of Love" in more challenges against EACH OTHER. Not surprisingly, it's on VH1.

Gordon: It's called 'I Love Money'.
Jason: This one is going to be fun.
Gordon: You don't think that the people who get on the romance shows are actually looking to get paid instead, do you?
Chico: With a title like that, it kinda has to be.
Jason: Because no pretense...this is media-ho-dom at it's finest.
Chico: Look for it July 6. We start with a casting special. Two cracks of the bat coming...

First up, in the case of "Overzealous Legal vs. Deal or No Deal"... Georgia Supreme Court finds in favor... of Deal or No Deal

Gordon: (tosses a high and tight fastball)
Jason: This one was a no brainer.
Chico: Nope. Second...

Hey Ryan! Hey Jeff! Hey Phil! Hey Tom! Who wants (another) Emmy? You'll have to wait until September when the academy passes out its first Reality Host Emmy

Gordon: (lobs a slow softball pitch)
Jason: That one, seriously, shows the validity of the reality show genre. Sorry, WGA.
Chico: This was only a matter of time. We already have the reality Emmy.
Gordon: And we also have the Wheel enemy.
Chico: I was waiting all week for this one..
Gordon: Anyone for some Wheel of Fortune Haterade?
Jason: I missed this. Oh yeah.
Gordon: This week, we start with the Haterade first, and when you see it, you'll know why...

TraShawna Boals makes Wheel of Fortune History...in a bad way by losing the greatest amount ever to a Bankrupt. Total funds lost: $35,000.

Jason: My heart hurts.
Gordon: First Spin - $10,000 and the Mystery Wedge. Second Spin - Big Money Wedge at $25,000. Third Spin - Bankrupt.
Chico: I felt that one in my bottom.
Jason: Thats why they call it the Wheel of Fortune....but BAD WHEEL!
Gordon: The puzzle does actually come back to her and she solves it correctly, but that's where we get problem #2...

Are You Smarter Than...TraShawna Boals, who when asked 'Who changed Cinderella's Pumpkin into a Carriage' replies...'The Wicked Stepmother'

Jason: Whoops.
Chico: Could've had $3600.
Jason: Wrong Ride Pimper.
Chico: Instead... You have $1000. And a title.
Gordon: So now Chico, can you change a computer to a Fully Loaded line?
Chico: Yep. (hooks up to a T1) Let's load up.
Jason: Fire it up!

Okay, if you're on the Myspace, you have a rare opportunity... to be on America's Got Talent. Go to myspace.com/americasgottalent for details.

Chico: Remember the Canadian Idol auditions from a couple of weeks ago? This is basically the same thing
Jason: Cool Idea.
Gordon: Meh.
Chico: Gordon thinks you can just synch up or edit something with something overdubbed. And pass it off as an audition. I personally think people are smarter than that.
Jason: yup
Gordon: They could video it up and hire Media Hoes to perform with them.

(plays "Pimpin' All Over the World")

Gordon: In this week's Media Ho Report...

David Archuleta's dad insists he's not a stage dad, OJ Simpson insists he's not in The Celebrity Apprentice 2, Simon Cowell insists he has not split from long time girlfriend Terri Seymour... Bruno wants Paula Abdul to show up on Dancing With the Stars as both ousted Marlee Matlin and last season's Cameron Mathison predict a Jason Taylor win. Michael Johns and Padma Lakshmi were seen at the White House Correspondents Dinner last night. Gordon Ramsay has a new book out, and Nick Lachey hosts High School Musical: Summer Session.

Gordon: But none of them are the Ho of the week.
Chico: Who do we have this week?
Jason: Yes, who?
Gordon: The ho is.. Michael Symon, who as the latest Iron Chef is the new host of Dinner: Impossible
Chico: Good on him. Seems like the kind of guy who can pull it off.
Jason: I hope so.
Gordon: He'll be going around the world - which I feel is where we're gong next, right?
Chico: Right.
Jason: Got my passport...right here! Where's the destination?
Chico: The Philippines.
Jason: Again? :P

They're about to get stung by The Singing Bee.

Gordon: buzz buzz buzz
Jason: I think this will be a hit over there.
Chico: Its' simple enough to be.
Hopefully ABS-CBN will learn from NBC's mistake.
Gordon: Hopefully
Jason: Agreed.
Chico: And that's Brainvision for this week
Gordon: Shut it down
Jason: Shutting Down. Feeding the animals, and yes the shirts look cool.
Gordon: When we come back... a new game. Ooooh.
Chico: You're going to want to stick around for that. This is WLTI, also known as Gordon and Chico Escape from EBay.

(Brainvision has been brought to you by Celeb-B-Gone. We have enough reality show appearance programming to make any B, C or D level celebrity's career reputation disappear. Available in Big 3 or Sister Cable Station Formats)

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