Episode 17.13
March 31

Chico: Howdy. It's Chico. It's a good week to be a poker geek.
Gordon: I've got my Doyle Brunson Pocket Protector right here.
Jason: (counting money from his cash game win) yup, good to be a poker geek.
Chico: To be an R&B star-in-waiting... not so much. And it's really good this week... to be evil. Isn't that right, Gordon?
Gordon: Any good week is a good week to be evil
Jason: You would know.
Gordon: I would :D
Chico: Which is precisely why I tossed the query that way. That, in our business is called a lead.
Jason: I polished my halo before we got here. And of course --lots of Covenant enemies died in wake :)
Chico: I washed my grey t-shirt.
Jason: What...the 2008 Final Four in San Antonio Shirt? :)
Chico: That would be the shirt. And this would be the open. From Somewhere in America, the "The Angel, the Devil, and the Geek in the middle" edition of WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: I was thinking Rick Pitino's dungeon, but that works.
Jason: LOL
Chico: Dead...Cardinals...Everywhere.
Gordon: Did you enjoy the carnage?
Chico: Very much. Mwahahahaha. Duke...Dead. I hate Duke. Do you hate Piers Morgan?
Gordon: Piers Morgan is one of my role models
Chico: Except when he's actually judging. But yeah, I can see how.
Gordon: I want to be Piers when I grow up, daddy
Chico: You want to make little kids cry...well wait, you do that now, dude. But last Thursday, you made Trace Adkins cry in one of the most unsurprising finishes ever.
Gordon: And on that note, I'm glad it wasn't surprising. Morgan wins Celebrity Apprentice. And though he is not likable, he had a record that none of the other contestants - including Adkins - could touch.
Chico: I could've done with a couple of surprises. I mean, a good story teller leads you and leads you until... woops, turn.
Gordon: There really was no other outcome. Morgan dominated this game from start to finish. Donald really had no choice. Morgan was on the winning team on 9 of the 12 challenges - including the final one.
Jason: What Gordon said...as I say in my podcast...he didn't just play ...he played to win.
Chico: As he always does.
Jason: Fair is a relative term in his case :)
Chico: You know, give him the heel heat...but he knows how to get it done in the clutch. Piers was made to be the heel. Why? Drama.
Gordon: But he had a lot of cards and he played them. He was ruthless in the Board Room and he out-carded everyone in terms of contacts and favors.
Jason: And he relished being the a-hole.
Gordon: When SImon Cowell will drop $100,000 for you at the turn of a dime -= that's power.
Chico: That's power you have to respect. And ultimately, I respect it.
Jason: Hold on a sec there...may I be a bit of a cynic for a second on that particular bid?
Gordon: You may
Jason: It is power...but let's put the corporate synergistic hat here for a second.. who produces Piers's other show?
Chico: I see what you're getting at. Big Board?
Jason: Big Board

Chico: The Six Degrees of Piers Morgan... as explained by Jason Block.
Jason: Go on.
Chico: Alright. Simon Cowell drops $100K on Piers.
Jason: Correct.
Chico: Simon Cowell created "America's Got Talent"
Jason: Correct.
Chico: "America's Got Talent" airs on NBC.
Jason: Right.
Chico: NBC also airs "The Celebrity Apprentice" won by.... Piers Morgan.
Jason: Yup. I am not saying that Piers didn't get there to win...but I am saying that Simon Cowell didn't make that bid out of the goodness of his heart.
Jason: He wanted to make sure that when America's Got Talent airs...he gets good pub there.
Chico: Trace, meanwhile... nah, I got nothing.
Gordon: I got something for Trace
Jason: Go for it.
Chico: Should I avert my eyes?
Gordon: Mind...Out...Of...Gutter.
Chico: Heh.
Gordon: Trace Adkins is what sort of performer?
Jason: Country
Chico: Country....
Gordon: Trace Adkins sung in a duet with Buddy Jewell in season one in what Country Show?
Jason: Ah Ha. Nashville Star.
Gordon: And Nashville Star will be on this Summer on What network?
Chico: NBC.
Jason: N...B...C.
Chico: bong bong bong.
Jason: Son of a gun.
Gordon: So it didn't matter who won. One show was going to get pimped.
Jason: Are we saying that....Donald had the Piers/Trace batlle set...all along? Or it worked out that way?
Gordon: I dont thin he had it set up all along - I do think he had it set up once we got to 6.
Chico: It's the Donald. He always has a reason for something that somehow benefits himself. He basically lined himself to... yeah, do that.
Jason: And it's not a conspiracy theory folks..."reality" isn't reality. Trust us.
Chico: We see this sort of thing all the time.
Gordon: Thats the one thing I hate about these shows - you can smell the final coming from a mile away, because it's preordained.
Chico: What does Piers win for winning Celeb. Apprentice?
Jason: $250,000 for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund.
Chico: Okay.
Gordon: Screw the people who actually do well at the end, becausede those last few challenges don't really matter. That's what makes American Idol cool - every week counts. Just ask Cheesy Chicuzzi
Jason: Cheesy Chikezie gets nailed for a classic no-no.
Chico: Chikezie gets floored by a completely avoidable move. That being... the hand-reachy-grabby to the already hopped-up moshpit. Not even ESTABLISH people do that!
Gordon: Do they feed the mosh pit rave before the show starts?
Chico: I think it's a combination of Red Bull and pop rocks.
Jason: Can we hear at least one phrase of the song without the audience screaming? WE WANT TO HEAR THE SONG!
Chico: Ah. The mosh-pit of doom.
Jason: It's rude.
Chico: I'm half expecting some crowd surfing.
Gordon: The mosh pit of doom doesn't vote 5 million times - but the millions of people who watch do vote 2 or 3 times.
Jason: True. I was surprised Syesha was in the Bottom 3.
Chico: Not me. And I'll tell you why.
Jason: Please enlighten me.
Chico: I thought I was listening to Alicia Keys. Syesha Megamanned Alicia Keys' signature sound.
Jason: Huh?
Chico: Megamanned = copied.
Jason: Got it.
Chico: You've never played Megaman? =p
Jason: Not a Nintendo guy :) But go on
Gordon: I actually had an easier suggestion - the R & B voe was split between Syesha and Chikezie. Ramiele fans knew they had to vote.
Chico: Anyway, it seems like Syesha is getting away far too much with just taking an old standard and going with the most current cover version available
Jason: Um...David Cook. He has talent. So does she.
Chico: Yeah, but he actually made it believable. I find it hard to believe Syesha's performances.
Gordon: I understand what Chico is saying. She's not putting her all into the song emotionally like she was doing earlier on this season. Just singing isn't enough - you have t omake love to the song, something that Jason Castro does well. That all being said, I think Syesha will be safe for a little bit - she's going to get Chikezie's vote.
Jason: There's two reasons for that. And I don't mean to be rude about one of them.
Chico: ... Go on.
Jason: One, she is the only true r+b female singer out there, and two...sorry folks, she is the only black singer left. Just pointing out facts and voting patterns.
Chico: Gotcha. This speaks to the world we live in.
Jason: Jason Castro will be saved mightily.
Gordon: True - and what's the theme this week?
Chico: Country. Which gets me to my next point...Gordon, you promised me that the blonde one would perish!
Gordon: I didn't think the blonde one, Kristy Lee Cook, would be more evil than I would be and select 'G-d Bless The USA'
Jason: That was a great choice.
Chico: How pretentious was THAT?
Gordon: Pretentious, cheesy - and something that country land will vote for
Jason: It worked.
Chico: Yeah, but it worked for the wrong reasons.
Jason: So who is in trouble with Country theme this week?
Chico: David Archuleta... which gets me to my NEXT point.
Jason: Oh yeah.
Chico: Daddy needs to stop picking the music. Because that too reeked spells of Mandisa.
Jason: And David...don't lie to us.
Gordon: Well, let's see who we know won't be in trouble - Jason Castro, Syesha, and Kristy Lee Cook. I think that the people who need to worry the most are Carly Smithson and Ramiele
Chico: Ramiele's people are going to vote en masse. I'm not concerned about David Cook. He's got the muster. That leaves Archuleta, Carly, and the Aussie.
Gordon: Michael Johns and David Archuleta both need to be concerned
Chico: Hey, did you know Carly was from Ireland? =p
Jason: Really?
Chico: Really!
Jason: Are you sure?
Chico: I'm for real on this.
Gordon: If people believe in 'God Bless the USA', that could be a problem for Carly and Michael
Chico: And one important bit to note. What's the week AFTER Country week?
Jason: Idol Gives Back week?
Chico: Right. No one goes home THAT week.
Gordon: Wrong. 3 Nights of Idol that week. Tuesday - Performance. Wednesday - Idol Gives Back. Thursday - Someone gets booted.
Chico: Really?!
Gordon: Really and truly
Jason: Oh wow.
Chico: That's... uh... That's... Irish. =p
Jason: I think they learned from their mistake last year. Good move. Seriously.
Chico: Nice. Also nice... $100,000. Granted it's not a million, but it's big.
Jason: May I take this one?
Chico: J-Bizzle, it is all yours.
Jason: As you may or may not have known...we were going into a third week of no bonus round wins. We were at a streak of 10. Then Jamie Christenson does this. The Puzzle: PLACE. She lands on the C in Cash. With her choices of C H P O and her usual 6 we get:

_ _ C _
P _ T _ O

Jason: Guesses?
Chico: BACK PATIO?
Jason: $100,000 in the envelope. 2nd Bonus round win of the year for the 2007-2008 Season. Stats: It has been hit 10 times out of 145 shows so far. Pretty high odds this year...believe it or not. Won twice...lost 8.
Chico: Neato.
Jason: So every three weeks approximately on average...you have seen the big one. This was on Monday's show.
Chico: And only 1 in five of the big ones on average are won. So do the math on this one and it comes out to a big win every sweeps era. Convenient :-)
Jason: Pretty much.
Gordon: Or 1 out of 6, if you're a poker player in a World Poker Tour Show
Chico: Yay!
Jason: Ah yes...WPT on GSN.
Chico: I've been waiting for this one.
Jason: I was at the What's My Line premiere...how was it.
Chico: It's the same as you remember it. High stakes hold'em. Mike's down-home wryness... Vince's slick hollywood fast-talk...and a hot woman's bosom coming out of breaks.
Jason: How hot?
Chico: British.
Jason: Whoo-hoo...Mel Peachey x 10 :)
Gordon: Think Mel Grapefruitey
Chico: ... Pretty much, yeah'
Jason: Nice. What was the tourney this week?
Chico: Layla Kayleigh. She does "the Feed" on G4. The tourney this week was the Mirage Poker Showdown. The winner: Jonathan Little, the newest of WPT's "poker-made millionaires" with almost $1.1 mill. Crap out of the night: Amnon Filippi, who loses his stack on the second hand. But just so you know, Amnon wasn't the only early crapout that night.
Jason: Oh?
Chico: Fastforward to, oh, 2:07a. NBC's Poker After Dark had Eli Elezra on...It was the beginning of "Action Week". You had players like David Williams, Mike Matusow, and Antonio Esfandiari playing. People known for big moves. Eli made the biggest move of all in that first two minutes of televised poker. First hand... all-in. He had A-K.
Jason: suited?
Chico: Unsuited.
Jason: ok
Chico: Would be a decent hand... Good for a bonus, Gordon?
Gordon: AK unsuited = 15 to 1
Jason: But in Hold'em...it's Anna Kournikova....looks good...usually doesn't win. :)
Chico: not against pocket rockets, which is what Howard Lederer had.
Gordon: Pocket Rockets = 30 to 1
Chico: Howard calls all-in. One hand in, and someone's going home. Eli loses on the river, BUT...Due to a rule implemented that week, he was able to buy in for another $20,000. (only during the first seven hands). So someone went home with $140,000 this week, instead of the usual $120,000. David Williams was this week's winner. But wow... early crapouts...Fun to watch, aren't they?
Jason: Sounds like the 2005 WSOP when someone went out first hand with a full house 10's over Aces...when Sammy Farha has aces over 10's.
Chico: Strange. That usually doesn't happen.
Gordon: Neither does celebrities singing on Don't Forget The lyr...oh wait, yes it does. My bad.
Chico: How about "badly dressed celebrities on Don't Forget the Lyrics?"
Jason: How bad?
Chico: Pretty bad
Gordon: Badly dressed and badly out of tune. Yuck.
Jason: Ouch. How much did he win for his charity?
Chico: Playing tonight: REO Speedwagon frontman Kevin Cronin. MusicCares is the charity. Remind us how the boyz from Philly did, G.
Gordon: The boys from Phily won $500,000
Jason: Thats a lot of money.
Chico: Okay, up to $500,000 on Disco. You have the choice of Last Dance or Play That Funky Music.
Jason: I would choose Last Dance.
Gordon: Since I know Disco, I'd go for Last Dance
Chico: That's what Kevin goes with. Nine words missing...

Last dance... Last chance for love...starts slow...Yes it's my last chance for romance tonight...I need you...by me...beside me...

Chico: And ... take it Gordon! Nine words.
Gordon: To guide me, to hold me, to scold meeeeeeee
Jason: That's sounds right.
Chico: Kevin and his backup Shelly... are still stuck on word #5. Kevin employs the time-old strategy: when in doubt, go to the chorus. It's not right, but it's time-old. Kevin walks with $350,000. The correct lyrics... were earlier sung by Mr. Pepper.
Jason: Whoo hoo. Great great song BTW.
Chico: I have fond memories of that song.
Jason: And I hear it at EVERY affair I have been to...by EVERY DJ :)
Chico: GSW 97.
Gordon: I have another song then for you... Giiiive Meeeee Youuur Moneeeeeeeeeeey. Where's my 500G's, Dawg?
Chico: Check's in the mail.
Gordon: I'm guessing it's the letter you accidentally mailed to Siberia?
Chico: Close, G. Antarctica.
Jason: April 31, 200NEVER, right?
Chico: Right. While we're on the subject of things that are cold...Penn Jillette and Monica Seles earned the bitter taste of defeat at Dancing first...by being stone cold rhythmless white people. Sorry.
Gordon: Which is a complete shock to all of us, since we all had at least one of them in the Top 3
Jason: Yeah. Very much so.
Chico: And it's not like you can just throw votes in another direction if your favorite is gone, because the judges also vote.
Gordon: Who's up for some Dancing With the Hamsters?
Jason: Sounds good.
Chico: Hold on... hold on... *adopts British accent*
Chico: Dancing the paso doble, Fluffy and his partner... Hans...
Jason: (applause)
Gordon: Doing the Waltz, Cheeseball and Cooper the...oh don't just leave your mole droppings on the ballroom floor. Bad rodents. Here Jason, I got something fror you to do (Hands Jason mop and bucket)
Jason: Damn...(starts wiping up)...cue please :)
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug.
Chico: Let's go to the baseball bat first. And we start with our new segment of The Business End... Good news for fans of the Feud in "They Greenlit THAT?!"
Jason: Oh?

NBC has fasttracked production on celebrity editions of Family Feud for this summer. So far, casting details have not been released. In other classic revisits, CBS wants four more epsiodes of the Million dollar Spectacular.

Jason: CBS - no brainer.
Jason: NBC...good for John O Hurley.
Jason: He has had a good year.
Chico: Very good moves on both ends.
Gordon: Also good for game show fans - as long as Family Feud can get better ratings than what Game Show Marathon did.,
Chico: I'm confident that'll be the case.
Jason: And JOH reruns were picked up by both GSN and ION.
Chico: Old school is back in a big way. We've gone from Nike Shox one year to Chuck Taylors the next
Jason: Pretty much.
Chico: I got my Chuck Taylors on right now
Jason: Sweet.
Chico: Because that's how I roll!
Gordon: I'm walking down the street with my Nike's on...
Jason: THere you go.
Chico: Meanwhile, in more news...

ABC is making it's own obstacle course show with Endemol called "Wipe Out"... not to be confused with the vastly underrated Peter Tomarken vehicle of the same name.

Jason: I like the obstacle course shows on ESPN.
Chico: This one promises... injuries. As one who enjoys obstacle courses.... bring it on, ABC. Next?
Gordon: I've got dates for you, but you may not like them. Let me give you a hint...0-69...

Bingo America shows up on Monday. Gordon Ramsay, with Hell's Kitchen Season 4, shows up on Tuesday. Thursday, we get Rock The Cradle, and Friday, it's Gordon's faaaaaaaaaavorite quiz show, Duel.

Gordon: Blech
Chico: It's running head long into the D-Train, if you follow. As for Rock The Cradle - Cool. Singing babies.
Jason: Not cool. Singing spawn of celebrities.
Chico: It's Extreme All Purpose Improv Multicultural Pseudo-celebrity Offspring Idol.
Gordon: ...(Gong)
Chico: There's only one way this could be any worse.
Jason: How so?
Chico: If they mangled every song they performed.
Gordon: We'll see on Thursday
Chico: As for Duel on Friday... Price-train comin... Whoo WHOOOOOO!
Jason: Are you sure it's head to head?
Chico: Yep. Got the TV guide in front of me
Jason: Duel will be crushed like a bug.
Gordon: Amne$ia + Duel + The Price is Right = Mangled Train Wreck for Amne$ia
Jason: Mike Greenberg gets thrown into Dennis Miller.
Chico: Actually, the schedule, so you may adjust your recording devices... accordingly.
Chico: 8p - Amnesia. 9p - TPIR, Duel.
Gordon: It can't be worse than I know My Chid's a Superstar...can it?
Chico: ... no. Duel actually has potential. We'll see if they tap into it on Friday, meanwhile, I'm ready to load up. *takes shot* Today, we go FURTHER into the world of online game shows with...

PopJax.com. Founded by Doug Barry, scion of the legendary Jack Barry, the online-game-show studio just made $4.7 million for productions.

Chico: PopJax.com is based on videos. Think YouTube: the game.
Jason: Interesting.
Chico: So we have PopJax... and PlayCafe...It's Barry/Enright vs. Goodson/Todman all over again.
Jason: Good for us.
Chico: Very.
Gordon: And I feel honored to be part of Goodson/Toddman, so to speak.
Chico: Yay, Gordon.
Gordon: And yes, that sushi question last week - that was me.
Jason: Yay.
Gordon: The one that you guys all whined about in the chat rom - that was me, too :D
Chico: HA!
Gordon: Right now, we see that someone has put their faith in Penn Jilette a little too far...
Jason: uh oh

Are You Smarter Than...Christopher Teller, who decided to place a bet on Penn Jilette winning Dancing With The Stars. If Penn won, Teller wins $150,000. Penn...was the first person to be eliminated. Oops. Total cost of said folly: $5,000.

Chico: Dude...Really.
Jason: I have made some less than intelligent bets in my time...
Gordon: Yes you have.
Jason: Thanks Gordon :P...but wow.
Chico: Yeah...What Block said.
Jason: But since they have a megasuccessful show in Vegas...I wouldn't worry too much.
Gordon: True. Who's up for some Haterade?
Jason: I am.
Chico: Right here.
Gordon: 3We got 2 shots this week...

We start with Janice Dickinson, who once again goes after Top Model - this time, claiming that the lack of her is responsible for their ratings drop this season

Chico: You mean the same ratings drop that the network as a whole has? LAME.
Jason: And Dumb. Get. Over. Yourself.
Gordon: It's all abuout Janice. The other one...

I am one of the new writers at Play Cafe. You see all those high scores? No more. Kiss them goodbye. You're all Doooooooomed!!!!!!!

Chico: Give'em one for me, dawg.
Jason: It's all about Gordon :)
Gordon: Its all abot me. Tyra is NOTHING withou...oh, wait, wrong show.
Jason: Feel the love...and the ego :) But seriously...good job. What's the site for anyone who wants to play?
Gordon: www.playcafe.com
Chico: Next up - We're going to Cannes...
Jason: France that is.

And so is "Head of the Class", "Family Links", "Revenge of the Geek", "The Package", "The Bubble", Crystal Clear?, "Your Price or Mine?". "The Big Give", and "Password".

Jason: International sales.
Chico: We're talking about shows that are on the lineup at MIPTV.
Jason: Sounds fun.
Chico: The first four come from Israel.
Gordon: Should be cool
Chico: The second two from Sweden. "Your Price or Mine" is Danish, while the final two are homegrown favorites. From the good old US of A.
Jason: The Big Give is Oprah's right?
Gordon: Correct
Chico: MAYBE. :-) Seems that there's a lawsuit about that.
Gordon: I dont think that red couch is Oprah's though - is it?
Chico: I don't think so. Let's go to the couch. Say you want to be Paris' BFF?
Gordon: Can I be her next Porno Videographer? :D
Jason: I will be asst director.
Chico: :p
Jason: I have the DVD Camera and a tripod.
Chico: Anyway, say you want to be Paris' BFF...

She's (or rather, the person writing the release) wanting a "hot bitch" or "fabulously fierce guy" that is at least 21... and "appears to be under 30". http://www.usmagazine.com/www.doronofircasting.com www.doronofircasting.com

Jason: Oh boy.
Gordon: ZZZZZzzzzzzznext?
Chico: Next... maybe you prefer to make your own millions. Well, DOND has hit the road.
Gordon: Ooh! You can win a million* on Dond!*
Chico: They were in California and North Kacklacky this week, but next week, we're going to Wisconsin.

Bay Park Square shopping mall in Ashwaubenon, WI the afternoon of April 2

Jason: Give it a shot.
Gordon: Why not? It could be fun. You can wind up like one of these Media Hoes...
Chico: (plays "Pimpin All Over the World")

In this week's Hodometer, Andy Baldwin gives advice to Matt Grant, Tyra Banks insists she's not leaving America's Next Top Model, Nina Garcia and Christian Siriano will be making an appearance on Ugly Betty...

Jason: FIERCE.:)

Carrie Underwood calls it quits AGAIN with another suitor, (Chace Crawford), Vernon Kay will host Beat The Star, Donald Trump gets Ladette to Lady on MTV...Laila Ali has a baby ho on the way, Alex Michel gets hired by Princess Cruises, and Paula Abdul may want to Dance With the Stars.

Gordon: But none of them are your hoes of the week.
Jason: Oh? Who then, who?
Chico: Tell.
Gordon: The Jabbawockeez, who win America's Best Dance Crew, get the nod.
Chico: Congrats! Can't wait for season 2.
Gordon: They are 1 for 2 (They don't get stage time on America's Got Talent - though since they didn't get on TV, they can try out for it again.)
Jason: Very cool.
Gordon: Oh - did we mention that they have an official website? http://www.jabbawockeez.com/
Chico: Most of us pimps are hoes too.
Gordon: Very true. And those (puts on masks and waves) are your hoes.
Chico: *puts on mask*
Jason: (mask on)
Chico: And when we return... we infiltrate the dance crew... this is WLTI... steppin it up old school... whoo whoooooo!

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Celebrity Card Sharks 2001. Maybe if we add celebrities to it, it won't suck as badly. Maybe.)

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