Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and if I was a game show groundhog, there were plenty of reasons this week on why I'd want to stay in my hole.
Chico: Lucky for you, we're going over six in the Opening Round alone.
Gordon: Just 6?
Chico: Well, that's all we have time for.
Gordon: Oh. Pity.
Chico: You see, we also have Brainvision...
Gordon: That's the thing with bats and media hoes, right?
Chico: The Brainvision, yeah. You'll love it, really. We also have The 6 Things We Think You Should Know about renewals. And then there's the game that won't die.
Gordon: We're playing a game based on Britney Spears' media spotlight?
Chico: Not today. Probably not ever.
Gordon: Aw.
Chico: Oh well. But more on that later. Right now, from somewhere in America... the Super Groundhog Bros. Edition of WLTI... is... ON! Hello out there in Game Show Land, he's Gordon Pepper. I'm Chico Alexander.
Gordon: It's just us right now, because no one else wanted to get up at 7am on both Saturday and Sunday. Not that I can blame them.
Chico: Nope. But that still doesn't mean we have a lot to go over.
Gordon: We do - but this week, it's been of the train wreck variety. What will we start with that would make Punxsutawney Keoghan run into his hole?
Chico: Well, let's see... we had a skunk...A brat...A rat...A donut...A chimp...and A football game. Phew. Let's start with the skunk first.
Gordon: Skunks and groundhogs don't mix, do they?
Chico: Nope.
Gordon: Not only do we get 6 non-winners on The Price is Right, we get them on ridiculous games that should have been won. Add a $4,500 bid in Contestant's Row, and it's stinky time.
Chico: Let's go over them, shall we?
Gordon: Let's go over them.
Chico: First, Sharla gets to play Clock Game. Remember, the object is to hone in on the price. She... just fell all over the place. Turning what should be a simple affair into... well, you know what it feels like when you give a raspberry to someone? It's kinda like that.
Gordon: If you've watched The Price is Right, how can you not win The Clock Game?
Chico: The good news... she has a guitar out of it. Could've had an entertainment hutch as well, but... them's the breaks. Oh yeah, and lest we forget to mention the $1000 that goes along with it.
Gordon: At least she won SOMEthing on her game, which is better than what happened next. Or should I say the next 5 games.
Chico: Then comes Shae with It's In the Bag, who is just randomly placing items.
Gordon: Did you ever buy a 69 cent squeegee?
Chico: At a 69 cent store.
Gordon: And I guess note cards, a nasal spray, and Udder Cream were for sale there?
Chico: Well, the note cards, yeah.
Gordon: Fortunately, the audience screamed enough at Shae to move the Squeegee out of 69 cents. Unfortunately, they didn't yell at him to move it to $5.99, so down he goes.
Chico: Next is Michelle and Lucky Seven. She had four dollars. She lost it on the last number. Her final guess... 2.
Gordon: 2? Wha?
Chico: Now, I'm not saying she could've won, but she would've had a better chance if she went in the middle, right? Maybe a little up or down because she only had three bucks on her. But 2?!
Gordon: You could have said 4 and covered the low. And once again., if you've seen the show, you know the last number is either a 5 or a 9, so a 6 would have covered both of them But...a.2?
Chico: A 7 would've covered both of them as well.
Gordon: Sure, but a 6 would have covered the 4 as well.
Chico: We're not saying you could win with this, but at least you stand a better chance.
Gordon: If you have enough to cover both the 5 and 9, you should do it. Next victi...I mean contestant?
Chico: Next, Kathryn gets to play Most Expensive with golf clubs, wine cabinet, and an HDTV.
Gordon: Wine cabinet can't be more than $1,500. Golf Clubs can't be more than $1,500. LCD HDTV isn't going to be under $1,500. Have to go TV. Easy.
Chico: Now her gut wanted to say TV. The audience wanted to say wine cabinet. What makes you think that a wine cabinet is more expensive than an LCD HDTV? I mean, have you seen these things? These aren't your run of the mill Wal-mart TVs.
Gordon: So she decided to listen to the same dumb audience that moves the Squeegee to nowhere near $5.99 in It's in the Bag?
Chico: Touché. But yeah, this is one of those games that if you just go with your gut... you stand a better chance.
Gordon: Ok. If you've seen the audience steer the contestant wrong in the first 3 games, what makes you think that they are going to get any smarter when YOU'RE up on stage?
Chico: You see what we're getting at. Now Debra had Bonus Game.. first playing of Drew's illustrious TPIR career.
Gordon: And it was for...A NEW CAR!
Chico: Again, go with your gut.
Gordon: So what prize did Debra in?
Chico: Well, she won a golf lamp and a hand mixer, but not a car.
Gordon: Waa waaaa. The car was in the Top Spot.
Chico: Pizza maker for $88. She went lower. Should've gone higher. Pizza makers are NOT cheap.
Gordon: Since when is a pizza maker less than $100?
Chico: Maybe it was in that 69 cent store.
Gordon: The audience apparently has a lot to be connected with that '69' number on this episode.
Chico: No comment.
Gordon: Next?
Chico: Finally, Jenny has a chance to notch ONE W on the board for the home team. She blows it. It was so close, too. She had Range Game for a sauna. She stopped it $11 shy.
Gordon: Waa waaaaa
Chico: So there you have it, a skunk.
Gordon: At least the show sort of salvages itself with a winner in the showcases
Chico: And the Showdown was won TWICE on a dollar. And one of those times, the winner came up with $6000.
Gordon: So we only have a skunk, instead of a total wipeout.
Chico: Still, not a happy way to spend a Thursday. Okay, we're done with skunks. Now let's talk about brats (and other anomalies on the audition trail). This was just one of those weird weeks on the AI, wasn't it?
Gordon: Just strange - but we do have a lot of talent.
Chico: Any top 24 worthy?
Gordon: I think a number of them are Top 24 worthy. The only question, of course, is if we agree with the judges.
Chico: Save for a couple of cases, I think they had this one pegged.
Gordon: It seems to me like a number of the contestants this year are very, very young.
Chico: Yeah. Interesting you mention youth.
Gordon: If you take the high road, you could say that they are looking to match their kiddie demographic
Chico: Worked last year.
Gordon: If you are jaded like me, you could also say that youth and from a poor, non-music background would also mean that they are likely to sign...anything.
Chico: See, THAT would be something new.
Gordon: I'm sure they are still smarting over Daughtry's non-win.
Chico: Speaking of which... How about David Cook from Omaha.. that was top 24, I think. He sang "Living on a Prayer".
Gordon: He's definitely Top 24. So is ex-boy bander Robbie Carrico
Chico: You mean Britney's ex?
Gordon: Yes. That itself will get him a bunch of votes.
Chico: Ha.
Gordon: Definitely keep your eye out for Ramiele Mabulai. If she makes the Top 24, she'll be there for awhile.
Chico: I'm guessing top 12 on Ramiele. Lower tier, but still top 12.
Gordon: If she's better than Jasmine Trias, she'll be there for a long, long time. Top 5, at least.
Chico: Well, she doesn't have a whole state backing her up. =p
Gordon: Oh but she will. You don't think Hawaii won't adopt her? You don't think the Asian American populace won't adopt her?
Chico: Oh yeah. They adopted Sanjaya, didn't they?
Gordon: They did. So did the kiddie core and Howard Stern, etc.
Chico: All I'm asking is that they look PAST that. Please for the love of all that is right and true.
Gordon: You can ask. They won't answer. Also on the women's side was Syesha Mercado - previously on THE ONE, but she has some nice pipes.
Chico: Nothing like a nice big belter. Perhaps she can do better than she did when she was on The One. She was never voted out, but then again, no one ever gave her the chance to be.
Gordon: The show itself was voted out. But if anything, that was a blessing for Syesha, I think. None of the talent was that good then - herself included - and she could have burned out on the show. now she has a clean slate and maybe a fresh opportunity to do very well for herself.
Chico: Very fresh. I can't name a single person who saw that show.
Gordon: And a few years to strengthen her vocal chords.
Chico: She could (and has) only gotten better. She could be in the top 12.
Gordon: Here's what I don't understand from the media. Their big complaint this year was that they wanted to see some undiscovered talent. Most of the population doesn't know ANY of these people, so for them, these singers like Syesha and Robbie ARE undiscovered talent.
Chico: Well, you know how people are these days. They like to throw stuff at the top of the pole to try and knock it down. Some people will say ANYTHING to try and tear into Idol's credibility.
Gordon: My dad, a number of years ago, had a music showcase called 'Required Listening', which was artists that have been around that you haven't heard of - but you should. This reminds me of that showcase.
Chico: ... exactly! =p
Gordon: And I have no problem with that whatsoever. However, I DO have a problem with Julie DuBela.
Chico: The only thing Julie Dubela will probably get votes for is the dirty sock for poorest sport of the year. Can I just go off on her for a second.
Gordon: Please. I'll be joining you when you're done.
Chico: Okay.
Gordon: But you can go first.
Chico: Julie Dubela went from precocious little kid to precocious little teenager. But there's a time and a place when it stops being cute. That time and place happened to be right in front of our intrepid judges. You lost...GET OVER IT. You have to be mature enough to earn the title of Idol, and a person like you probably would've squandered it anyway. And if you watch back, I hope you see how low down, pathetic, and desperate you became just then. Not a proud moment.
Gordon: Here's what I learned from Julie's audition.
Chico: What did you learn from Julie's audition?
Gordon: Call it tips for stage moms everywhere.
Chico: Why don't you just throw a picture of Lynne Spears on the Big Board while you're at it.
Gordon: I dare you to do it
Chico: I think I just did!

Tips for Stage Moms Everywhere... 1) Not all people mature 2) Say "no" once in a while 3) Valley Girls... not sexy 4) No means no 5) Teach them about life

Gordon: Big Board Subject: What Lynne Spears wanna-be stage moms need to learn about after watching Julie Dubela's audition
Chico: Ok then.
Gordon: #1. Not all people on a musical TV show mature afterwards.
Chico: That's "The Child Actor" rule.
Gordon: And on a side note for #1. For all of you people who assume that if you've been on a previous show, you either get special treatment or a free ticket to the next round, the answer is...no.
Chico: Syesha learned that one early on. Praise be for that.
Gordon: #2. Some people need to have the word 'No' thrown at them from the stage moms. For their own sake.
Chico: A little bit of "no" builds character. Character you lack...with your non-character-having-ass.
Gordon: Not just Julie, but from other people in the audition as well. Such as our favorite belching meat plant worker named Shannon McGough
Chico: At least Shannon knew how to take defeat with honor.... at least more so than Julie.
Gordon: Just barely. #3. Valley Girl Chicks do not get positive exposure from being on American Idol.
Chico: Like...duh, man.
Gordon: #4. If you ask to sing another song, and the judges say no, singing it anyways or continuing to sing after the judges say 'stop' is usually a good way to not get a golden ticket.
Chico: And you'll probably meet the fine security folks if you keep it up long enough. You... uh... don't want that happening.
Gordon: And finally...#5. If you're a stage mom and you don't say no or teach your kid anything about life, you'll wind up with a precocious stage kid who has the social IQ of your common everyday door knob.
Chico: Okay, brats are done. Let's talk rats now. This is the Celebrity Apprentice's lesson in method acting this week. We have the pretentious British TV judge thinking he knows everything... and the Mafiose Italian actor. Who plays rat.
Gordon: Yes, and Vincent 'Big Pussy' Pastore finds out the hard way what happens to rats when they have a change of heart.
Chico: They get whacked. But in this case, Vinny whacks himself before Piers "Huge (^_^)" Morgan gets a chance to.
Gordon: Vincent leaves before The Donald can fire him...but would The Donald have fired him?
Chico: But if you ask me... what Vinny did... not a proud moment. Piers... also not a proud moment. You're trying to put your guy in deep cover... You don't call him out in front of the person you're trying to fool. That's just dumb. You ask me, it is not outside the realm of possibility that Donald would've fired both of them.
Gordon: I don't disagree with that.
Chico: Piers probably would've saved himself favor if he kept the ruse up. BUT he let his personal feelings toward Vinny get in the way. NOT GOOD if you're playing the Apprentice. What does it say in the opening montage?
Gordon: It's Business. Nothing Personal.
Chico: And this is why Piers Morgan fails at life.
Gordon: He succeeds at life. Just fails at making friends in the sandbox. And that will come to haunt him at this game.
Chico: Fine. Piers Morgan fails at social life. Happy?
Gordon: Very. This would be the second game Vinny Pastore quit. The first one was Dancing With the Stars.
Chico: Vinny Pastore's not a good gamer, you think?
Gordon: No. If I'm casting for a reality show, I would have to think twice before hiring Pastore.
Chico: Oh yeah. Get someone like... oh... that Treadway dude. You need a requisite game show host, right?
Gordon: And I would take a hard look at Crosswords this season. Because it does get a second season renewal, but we saw an episode that showed everything wrong with the show.
Chico: Big board?

Gordon: Subject: The Great Crossword Train Wreck.
Chico: You have a) a guy winning with -$250.
Gordon: Weeee
Chico: b) a guy NOT completing the puzzle for anything more.
Gordon: Weeeeeeee
Chico: And 3) just poor gameplay all around. Just because they offer you the chance to go the max doesn't mean you should... especially if it would cost you your lead. It's like playing a half-hour-long Final Jeopardy!.
Gordon: Greed got the better of the contestants, who went MAX on the Extras,
and lost. Ready for some Extras that the players got wrong?
Chico: I'm ready.

#1: 'Java Flavor or Shade' _ _ _ _ _

Chico: Mocha?
Gordon: Very good (Ding!). Contestant's guess...Green. Green? Wha?
Chico: Daddy, why does my Java taste like green?
Gordon: I'd like some green-flavored coffee, please.
Chico: "Because you're drinking daddy's paint, son."
Gordon: So that's -$500. Next one...

#2 'Biohazard Filter Covering the Mouth' _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Chico: I have one at work. A RESPIRATOR.
Gordon: (Ding). Contestant's Answer - Dust Mask
Chico: Sorry. Not enough letters, nerd.
Gordon: That would be a minus -$1,000. The next one, the contestant got right for $300.

#3 'Keep from Lapsing' _ _ _ _ _

Chico: Renew.
Gordon: Right (Ding)
Chico: And the last one?
Gordon: Here's the killer one

#4 'Button next to '0'. _ _ _ _

Chico: Star.
Gordon: Very Good (DING) Eugenia went from $1,400 to -$600, which allows Chris, with a late steal to win...-$250. I think with Crossword's budget, they would be more than happy to accept Chris writing a check or giving them a credit card.
Chico: Lest he faces the wrath of the dreaded judges.
Gordon: Or the wrath of us. Or the wrath of the Brainvision animals. But we got a special treat. We don't have one animal. We have TWO.
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: We got a pair of Groundhogs.
Chico: In honor of Groundhog Day.
Gordon: What are their names?
Chico: We have Darnell and Mike.
Gordon: Nice. Are they truthful groundhogs?
Chico: Actually, I named them after the two goldfish on "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader..." True story. And yes, they're very honest.
Gordon: Yes. also true - we're starting up Brainvision. Roll that beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks Doug. We begin with our lead story... in the Business End.

FremantleMedia wants desperately to revive Match Game.

Chico: For those of you watching who say that such a task is impossible in this day and age, I have three words for you... "Game Show Marathon." It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible. It was a peg below Match Game 90. Match Game 98, even with Vicki Lawrence, was worth a tattoo removal.
Gordon: Gordon the Haterade said...'FremantleMedia revivals are REALLY bad.'
Chico: HOW BAD ARE THEY?
Gordon: They are SO bad that Match Game '98 got a bad review from _BLANK_
Chico: *scribble scribble*
Gordon: Your answer, Chico?
Chico: Paula Abdul.
Gordon: I said...Paula Abdul (MATCH!)
Chico: Yay! What do I win?
Gordon: A date with Deanna Pappas!
Chico: I've seen Deanna Pappas... I wouldn't mind. In fact, let me borrow the datebook here... *scribble scribble* Okay. I'm in.
Gordon: You'll be seeing a lot of her since, in the Datebook...

The Bachelorette, with Pappas as the woman looking for a man, shows up in March. Also showing up on March 31st, Bingo America with...Patrick Duffy?

Chico: =p
Gordon: And in news that may be related, we have our 4th executive resign
from GSN since David Goldhill became president.
Gordon: David Goldhill became president, I mean
Chico: Christopher Raleigh moves to the Weather Channel.
Gordon: Yep. And don't forget...

Survivor Micronesia: February 7

Chico: Fans vs. Favorites. It's going to be hot. Less hot...

Paradise Hotel 2. Feb. 4.

Chico: Whatever we did. We're sorry.
Gordon: We'll be good from now on. We promise.
Chico: We will, you know.
Gordon: Well...as good as we usually are :)
Chico: Okay, let's get globetrotting. Let's talk about Unan1mous for a bit. You remember that show, right?
Gordon: Unfortunately, yes.
Chico: Well...

Saudi Arabia is looking to launch their own version of "Unan1mous." The show, called "Al Qarar", will offer top money of 2 million riyal, or about $534,000.

Gordon: Saudi Arabia..pretty hot, isn't it?
Chico: Oh yeah.
Gordon: And you think the inside would be...cool?
Chico: Doubtful.
Gordon: Maybe cooler than outside?
Chico: Hopefully.
Gordon: If I knew that I'd be cooler inside than outside, maybe I'll vote
differently just to stay in the studio.
Chico: But you have to realize that the show would take less than 8
days.
Gordon: 8 days of cool? I'll take it.
Chico: Wanna take the chalkboard and the Haterade with you?
Gordon: Maybe... or maybe I'll set it up here.

Are you Smarter than...a chimp? on 1 Vs. 100, the answer is...no. On 1 vs. 100, one of the members of the mob was Jake the chimp. Jake didn't get any help, as he got booted on the second question. However, one person got booted on the first question.

Chico: The question?

Which board game helps kids 8 and up figure out if Professor Plum murdered someone with a wrench?
A. Sorry, B. Dream Date. C. Clue

Chico: Easy. Played it all the time when I was a little Chairman. C.
Gordon: Contestant #11, Tony...said ...A.
Chico: ... what?
Gordon: Apparently, Jake told him A.
Chico: Again... WHAT?!?
Gordon: Sorry, Tony. You're not smarter than a chimp
Chico: There's an idea for a show.
Gordon: Don't give the monkeys in the business suits any ideas. Unfortunately, the contestant in that game, Kristin Moran loses $50,000 to the mob when she thinks that the first book in the Dummy series is 'Windows for Dummies'. Right answer - 'Dos for Dummies' 18 people split her $50,000
Chico: Awwwww.
Gordon: So Kristin Moran was the poor woman who loses $50,000. But Hulk Hogan could lose a lot more...
Chico: Uh oh

The Haterade goes to Linda Hogan, who in the process of a messy divorce, wants the Hulksters assets frozen. That sounds painful.

Chico: Ouch. I have a feeling he might ask for season 2's AG wages in cash money. "It's the only thing I can spend, brother."
Gordon: Can you pay a million dollar host under the table and off the books?
Chico: ... No.
Gordon: Didn't think so. Let's get Fully Loaded....hic
Chico: Gotcha. I got a two-fer for ya.  You see Buzz! yet?
Gordon: Which one?
Chico: Buzz! The video game quiz? Err.. the quiz video game?
Gordon: Oh sorry. I'm...buzzed.
Chico: No surprise there :-)
Gordon: Weeeeee

Okay, so the first part of the story has Buzz! on the go with a version for the PSP.

Gordon: Nice. The PS2 version is nice also, btw
Chico: Oh yeah. Played it. Reminds me of Buzztime over at the bar I frequent in CH. Which brings me to part 2.

Buzztime is suing Sony over Buzz!, claiming a " malicious, fraudulent, knowing, willful, and deliberate" trademark violation.

Chico: You gotta admit the games ARE similar.
Gordon: They are. Which came first, the Buzzer or the Buzztime?
Chico: The buzzer came first with "Winner Take All" back in the early ages of TV. Buzztime was formed with the NTN some years back. Buzz! was a fairly recent enterprise.
Gordon: Don't forget that Buzz! didn't start in the US. They actually had games in Australia and other places.
Chico: Exactly.
Gordon: So Buzztime may have copied from Buzz in the foreign markets to be first in the U.S. Market
Chico: Let's go to the Interweb. Looking at the Wikipedia entry, Buzztime predates the PS2 by some 15 years. So there you go. We're running out of time, so let's get to the hoes! *plays "Pimpin'"*

In this week's Media Ho Report, Ian Ziering hosts 'Your Momma Don't Dance', John O''Hurley hosts a new online game called 'now You Know Better', Dan Cortese hosts 'My Dad is Better than Your Dad', Jeff Probst gets 2 more seasons of Survivor...The Moment of Truth wants Roger Clemens to show up...meanwhile Drew Peterson wants to be on the show (ick)...

Chico: He's going to special hell.

Tyra and Sarah Jessica Parker are both working on separate reality competition shows, Jordin Sparks gets to sing at the SuperBowl...Tom Bergeron gets The Supper Club, while Bob Barker is preaching for spaying and neutering in Washington. Too bad he's not advocating that for the politicians...

Chico: ba dum bum.

Suzanne Pleshette gets a posthumous Walk of Fame Star, while Mary and Byron from the Bachelor discuss their battery arrest.

Gordon: But none of them are your ho of the week.
Chico: And who we got?
Gordon: This week's Ho - Rupert Boneham, as the Survivor Fan Favorite Million Dollar Winner creates a music label...for reality stars. insert gagging noise here.
Chico: Ugh.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Okay, that'll do it for Brainvision. Shut it down.
Gordon: And it's time for the poll. Last week's Poll Results: Only 21% of you guys would strap yourself up to a Lie Detector for $500,000. 79% don't want to go near one.
Chico: And now to this week's question...

Gordon: Results next week.
Chico: When we return, we talk renewals... and renew this season's running gags.
Gordon: You like a good running gag, don't you?
Chico: Of course.... This is WLTI, the game show talk show that eats lightning and craps thunder.

(Brainvision is brought to you by Are You Smarter Than a Monkey? Players enlist the help of five chimps to answer questions like "Who was the monkey on Speed Racer?" and such.")

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