Episode 18.13
September 1

Chico: Hey, kids, I'm Chico Alexander, and tonight's opus is called... "Bad Day for the Block".
Gordon: (AKA the Jason Block Roast) I love roasts, don't you?
Jason: Yes...with crunchy potatoes and green beans.
Gordon: Did you wear your Sunday best, Chico?
Chico: Always... Got my "tuxedo shirt" on. You?
Gordon: I've got my birthday best on and I'm wearing my birthday suit!
Chico: Ewwwwww.
Don: Ack!
Jason: No way!
Gordon: Oh wait...(changes into Tuxedo) Much better. :)
Jason: For all of us.
Chico: Dark colors.
Jason: Even though you do look thinner.
Gordon: Why thank you.
Chico: Okay, kids... from somewhere in America, the season finale of We Love to Interrupt... is... ON!
Jason: WHOO-HOO!
Gordon: Gordon Pepper here, along with Chico and Don Harpwood.
Don: Hi.
Chico: And of course the man of the hour.... Mr. Chicken.
Gordon: Yay, Mr. Chicken!
Jason: That would be me.
Gordon: Now why are we calling Jason Mr. Chicken?
Chico: Because he was a former Mr. Chicken.
Gordon: As we learned on Friday's Catch 21
Chico: Amazing the things you learn about your friends from TV.
Gordon: Yes. Let's see what else we found out about Jason Block. Big Board, please?

Chico: This one's called "One for the Thumb"
Gordon: Tell us about Jason Block, Mr. Chico
Chico: We learned that our friend Jason Block...1) Plays the trombone...2) Is a former Mr. Chicken...and C) is familiar with the Disney opus "The Story of Menstruation".
Jason: (rimshot)
Gordon: 4. He has now been on 5 game shows. Turn It Up, Wheel of Fortune, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Jeopardy, and Catch 21
Chico: But truth be told, Friday's ep of Catch 21 was history making...I mean... J, you were just a beast.
Gordon: Can I have another Big Board?

Gordon: This one is titled 'Catch Jason Block'. He did a lot of things right, and he set a number of records. #1. He pitched a complete shutout. No one got any questions right except Jason
Chico: And in some cases, he got them before Alfonso could reveal the choices or even finish the question.
Gordon: #2. because of that, we had our first scoreless tie after 2 rounds...which showed up one of the dumbest tiebreakers that I have ever seen.
Chico: Sudden Death High Card. You know, this is one of those moments where a simple sudden death question should suffice.
Don: Agreed.
Gordon: Also...3. At no time was Jason ever in danger of busting
Chico: Nope. He who controls the cards controls the flow of the game. And Jason knew EXACTLY what he was doing.
Jason: Almost....
Chico: Getting there.
Gordon: #4. This was the shortest game on record. 1 Question in the First Round. 2 Questions in the Second Round. 3 Questions in the Third Round.
Jason: There was a cab I had waiting LOL
Gordon: Was it a Cash Cab?
Chico: Heh.
Jason: Funny...but no.
Don: Would've been really convenient.
Jason: Yeah...but the meter rate for NY would have been a b***h.
Gordon: The answers for Jason's game were Harvard, Chefs, The Story of Menstruation, The Scream, Medley and Little Orphan Annie.
Chico: Imagine using all those in a sentence.
Jason: I can. Want me to try?
Gordon: Sure!
Jason: One sentence?
Chico: One sentence.
Jason: Ok.
Jason: I went to Harvard looking for chefs who were doing a medley of Little Orphan Annie songs while gazing at The Scream as "The Story of Menstruation" was playing in the background.
Don: Very nice.
Chico: *applause*
Jason: (bows.)
Chico: Now Friday's show wasn't all records and complete pwnage.
Gordon: No, because even game show legends goof.
Jason: With the cards I had...that was a minor error.
Chico: Yeah. A $1000 error
Gordon: Can I have a Big Bored please?

Gordon: The Subject Matter - Jason Block is a Bonehead. We start with this quote...

'I've been on Millionaire, I've been on Jeopardy, and in a few minutes, hopefully this will be the best...one...ever!'

Gordon: I didnt realize that winning $125,000 was nothing compared to winning $25,000 on a GSN show.
Jason: Well...I have no excuse. I SCREWED UP! (Holds head in shame)
Gordon: Im sure Regis would be proud :)
Chico: Hey, this could've been more thrilling than J! or Wheel, in terms of raw emotion. Because I know how you are with raw emotion. You ooze it.
Jason: Thank you.
Chico: That said... you played the cards rather poorly.
Gordon: D'oh!
Chico: We start with two 10s and a 9. First card up was an 8.
Gordon: Where does the 8 go? Or should I say, where doesn't it go?
Chico: Not on a 10, that's for sure. And not sent away via chip either.
Jason: This was my one error. I passed it. But...I was looking for the 2, which was my mistake.
Gordon: Here's one of the misnomers about cards. Cards there's only a certain number of combinations. 33% of the deck are face cards, BUT 66% of the other cards aren't, and you have to cater to the other 66% of the deck
Jason: Which was my error.
Gordon: So while 11 is nice, you can't rely on it all the time
Jason: right.
Gordon: And you should never use a chip that early. They should be saved until the end.
Chico: Instead, the 8 goes away, and ... well, the rest is history.
Gordon: You have to save them
Chico: Until you need them, but yeah. Play every card you're given to start.
Jason: That's true.
Chico: At least the first two or three.
Gordon: In Jay's defense, he wasn't going to win the $25,000
Don: A bunch of face cards make that much certain.
Gordon: ...but...
Chico: BUT..
Gordon: He could have gotten one more shot and $1,000 bonus if he played optimal
Jason: Oh well. I now have a $1,000 check coming.
Gordon: I would grade Jason's effort in the show overall a B+. Not perfect, but very strong
Chico: Agreed.
Jason: Thank you.
Chico: But alas, no MVP for you.
Jason: Thats ok. I wish I played the bonus game a little better. I have enough pimp cups in my house being Ho of the week.
Chico: But that's okay, because let's remember the important bit... "One for the thumb"
Gordon: We'll tell you where it goes later, but right now, we start with the Fall Premieres...a season early.
Chico: Friends, I say...DEAL OR NO DEAL IS BACK!
Don: Yay!
Chico: Apparently, NBC is making this known far and wide... grrr... as the Million Dollar season.
Don: Spoilers... Boo.
Jason: Echoing his sentiments.
Chico: And to start season 4, we have 4 MDCs and an MDM...And...Koshka Blackburn. She... doesn't win the million. But she comes DANGEROUSLY close.
Jason: That's Million Dollar Cases and Million Dollar Mission for those who don't know.
Chico: All things considered, she played the game textbook until the end. She forgot the final rule... There are three rules...1) Get in. 2) Ride the wave...3) Get out. But perhaps it was because something more important was on her mind...
Gordon: There was a nasty little twist this episode.
Chico: Yes, the nasty little twist.
Don: It's a really neat twist, nasty as it is.
Gordon: But it will make people continue to play to the end. And you'll see this a lot more often.
Chico: If she played on to the end, she would earn a trip to Broadway to audition for Bernie Telsey. You remember Bernie as a judge on Legally Blonde. So she played on until the bitter end, where she was offered... $530,000. At this point, .... Let's do some math here.
Jason: ok
Chico: At this point, you're giving up $525,000 to try for another $470,000.
Gordon: So do you take the money, or do you take the audition, which could result in making much, much more than $530,000?
Chico: Book says to DEAL, but Koshka was not playing a standard game with standard stakes. She was chasing a dream. That dream is hers.... and so is... $5000.
Jason: And she went for it in a BIG WAY.
Chico: Oh yeah.
Don: No kidding.
Gordon: But in her defense, if my dream is up there, I go for it
Chico: Oh yeah.
Gordon: That's an opportunity that $530,000 won't buy. Or in this case, $525,000, because that's how much it cost her.
Jason: Right.
Don: Can't blame her for doing what she did.
Chico: Perks. Gotta love it.
Gordon: But this is almost certainly how they are going to get their winner. Because it's no longer $500,000 at risk. It's now...here's your dream, and if you win the million, it's a bonus.
Chico: Now NBC is saying that next week, the million is won. How stupid is that?
Don: Really stupid. It was bad enough that they said it was going to happen SOMETIME this season...
Gordon: Very. And in my mind, if its won that way, it's not a legit win
Jason: It never has been when they win, stunt-wise.
Chico: It's an asterisk waiting to happen. I better go polish it. Because it'll be a shiny asterisk.
Gordon: Nope., so Koshka wins a dream and $5,000*
Chico: But alas... no MVP for her either.
Gordon: Nope
Jason: Nope.
Gordon: After Deal or No Deal, we had the debut of America's Toughest Jobs.
Chico: Basically put, High Stakes Dirty Jobs. This is a true rarity... a reality show... based upon actual reality.
Jason: I am...stunned.
Chico: No panel of judges, no voting crap, this is as real as it gets. The person who wins... is the person who does it best. Competition based on sheer ability.
Gordon: A bunch of contestants do jobs. The people in charge decide who is good and who should get booted.
Jason: That's cool.
Don: Very cool.
Chico: In the first job, they reenact several episodes of "The Deadliest Catch"...And we have our first wuss-out moment.
Gordon: The first of many.
Jason: I wouldnt be even on the damn boat. No offense. Those guys are balls tough.
Chico: Usually, when people go in and go crab fishing... they have a ritual... they bite the heads off of fish.
Jason: Fish Heads....Fish heads...Roly Poly Fish Heads....
Chico: One player immediately says... Can't do it... Allergic to fish.
Don: Oops.
Jason: Hold on...If they are allergic...I won't give them a wuss out moment. That's saving their lives. If I had to shell nuts...I would be dead.
Chico: True, but the fact that she was being a dramatist about it.
Jason: Oh.
Chico: Just tell them you can't, you're allergic, and move on.
Jason: I will give you that.
Gordon: Come on. It wouldn't be reality television unless they overdramaticized it.
Jason: That's true.
Chico: Of course.
Jason: So what happened during the show?
Chico: Well, the fishermen decide who's the best of the lot, and the worst two from each ship have to go out again and fish. And the worst get pink-slipped.
Gordon: This week, the worst was....Senta, though you could have made a case for any of the 4 except Steve, who wasn't the worst on the relaunch
Chico: No, he basically went all out that time
Gordon: He did - I think he learned a lesson. I do like the fact that the worst get a second chance at redemption
Jason: I like that too.
Chico: It's essentially one large "dance for your life". But all in all, not a bad series. This probably would've been a better fit on Discovery, but again... not bad. My grade... B+.
Gordon: The bad...nothing new here. And the host and narrator should be the same person. But the show is solid and fun. I am looking forward to see what else they come up with. B+
Chico: It's on NBC Mondays at 9. Right after Deal or No Deal: Someone Wins the Million.
Gordon: You mean Deal or No Deal: Someone Wins the Million*
Chico: Thanks. Forgot the polished Asterisk. It reruns on CNBC, like any NBC reality show not named America's Got Talent. Now... to be an MVP this week you had to be... a genius.
Jason: A genius?
Chico: A genius.
Gordon: That would be a Shear Genius
Chico: Okay, let's go back to Wednesday.
Gordon: We are down to 3 people. Dee, Charlie and Nicole. It's the last challenge, which is to take 4 women and design a consistent hair style that they would have worn throughout the ages. Nicole admitted that she didn't finish her coiffures in time, so that left Charlie and Dee. Despite Charlie being the overall better stylist, Dee had the better presentation in the finals, so she wins Shear Genius and $100,000 and a slew of other goodies.
Jason: Does she get anything else besides $100,000?
Gordon: Yes, but no one outside of the BRAVO network and their advertisers cares about that.
Chico: Oh. Suh-nap.
Gordon: Meanwhile, Eve has been shearing off the hamster's fur for summer time. They look cute with a crew.
Jason: Isn't that a little...much?
Gordon: ...it'll grow back
Chico: Thicker?
Gordon: Thicker is good
Chico: Alan Thicker? Robin Thicker?
Gordon: Or course, we can carve out the letters 'Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage' in it

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: We start with a bit of business. And for that.. I need.. Green Lantern's light...And it's a rare global greenlight.
Jason: I have the bat, not the ring
Gordon: Thank you, Hal Jordan.

BBC just launched "Maestro", a search for the greatest celebrity opera singer.

Chico: Among the participants...Newsanchor (or what they would call "news reader" Sue Perkins, electronica musician Goldie, TV host Katie Derham, bassist for Blur Alex James, actress Jane Asher, comic Bradley Walsh, TV host Peter Snow...and then... there's Detective Ken Hutchinson
Jason: Ok
Chico: That's right, David Soul of "Starsky & Hutch".
Jason: There's your ringer...but I don't see a real celeb in the bunch :)
Chico: David Soul isn't a real celeb? Come on!
Jason: He's D-List at best.
Chico: A D.. a D... HE KNEW HUGGY BEAR, DAMN IT!
Gordon: That was so Starsky. I got an American Greenlight for you.
Chico: Okay, American Greenlight me.

America's Got Talent gets renewed for Season 4.

Jason: Are we shocked? I am not at all.
Chico: Umm.. nope. As for the baseball bat.. It's outfitted with a shark head... because this item jumps the shark.
Jason: (hands Chico the shark head bat)
Gordon: HanShark!

When American Idol returns for season 8, it'll have a fourth judge on the panel, Kara DioGuardi, singer/songwriter/The One judge.

Chico: The good news... We don't really know her judging style because the One lasted sooooooo long.
Gordon: Heh.
Chico: So it's basically tabula rasa. ALSO, the plan all along was to have four judges like the original Pop Idol, and she's written for Carrie Underwood, Clay Aiken, and the AI OG Kelly Clarkson, so she has an ear for what's out there.
Gordon: That's the good news. The bad news - she was on The One. That's Bad enough for me.
Don: Heh.
Chico: Do we really NEED a fourth judge?
Gordon: Based on what I witnessed last year...yes. Yes we do.
Jason: I agree. Randy was BRUTAL. Paula was 2nd best last year. Without question.
Chico: That's... that's scary.
Gordon: Maybe she can judge performances on what's actually going on, and not make notes BEFORE the performance.
Chico: Ha. Okay, Mr. Pepper. What's next?
Gordon: Next up...is a big fat datebook
Jason: It looks full
Chico: With little pages and sticky notes hanging out.

September 3rd has America's Next Top Model. September 5 has Top Design 2. September 8 starts off Syndication Monday. September 7/9/11 has Hole in the Wall, September 12 has Don't Forget the lyrics.

Gordon: AND

September 7, 14 and 21 has Play it Back, and chances are you may see a Haterade if you're not careful.

Jason: Hosted by Caroline Rhea
Chico: As for Hole in the Wall...That's THREE times in a week
Gordon: I think it will make a Hole in the ratings.
Chico: I think it'll make a hole in my head.
Jason: Ouch.
Don: 3 days of the week to see people trying to fit through holes...Yipes.
Chico: More if you decide to go on YouTube.
Jason: Flexible people.
Chico: But apparently the Aussie version is a hit, so...what the hell do we know, right?
Jason: right.
Gordon: The Aussies also liked The Rich List
Jason: ...They did.
Chico: True. It was an alright game, but not enough to sustain a full hour. It's the Auction category from Tic Tac Dough, forchrissakes. But anyway... let's see what's cooking... online. Get some pint-glasses, I need to get Fully Loaded.
Jason: Hic
Chico: This week, it's rather low-tech, it's just a good old fashioned city sweep.

The show: Opportunity Knocks. From Sep. 2 to the 15, the show will take its semi onto the road to 14 cities with everything needed to play the game.

Jason: And give away a butt load of prizes.
Chico: HDTVs, Blu-Ray players...ABC swag...Gift cards.
Jason: Sounds like a party.
Chico: It is. Big block party.
Gordon: And what's a party without Haterade?
Jason: How many shots ya got?
Gordon: before we serve out shots, let's talk about something that we should never serve out when we're driving - booze. It's the holiday season. There should never be drinking and driving. Ever.
Chico: ... EVER.
Jason: We want all our readers and all game show fans back here for the fall season.
Gordon: You've seen those commercials with people driving in carfuls of booze, with the police announcer saying to not do it, because you will get caught. You've seen those, right?
Chico: Right.
Don: Oh, I remember those.
Jason: Right.
Chico: Over the limit, under arrest.
Jason: The ones with the liquor filled cars are cool too.
Gordon: Yes. well someone needs to go back and watch more of those commercials.

Are You Smarter Than...Top Chef 2 Runner up Marcel Vigneron, who gets busted for DUI after driving home from a party.

Chico: Ow.
Jason: Bad Marcel.
Don: Big mistake, Marcel.
Chico: No, Marcel that's a BAD MARCEL!
Jason: Dumb.
Chico: Stay clean.
Gordon: Drink Haterade. No alcoholic content.
Jason: Just a nasty aftertaste :)
Gordon: And this week, the aftertaste goes to...

Janice Dickinson, who accuses America's Next Top Model of copying her idea, as she had a transgendered model on HER show first. She also goes after Diddy for the same reason.

Chico: Oh Janice.
Jason: Does it REALLY matter who went first?
Gordon: Being Transgendered is the new Black.
Chico: Hey Gordon!
Gordon: hey Chico!
Chico: You think that the creators of To Wong Foo should go against Janice Dickinson?
Gordon: Actually, no.
Chico: No?
Gordon: I think you have to go to the roots. I think that Ed Wood, who created Glen or Glenda, should sue everyone.
Chico: There you go.
Gordon: Now THAT'S some old school knowledge for you young peeps.
Jason: Thats old...
Chico: And we got our weekly Golic-and-Greenie routine in, so everyone wins. You know what else is old? The world. Six billion years, homes. (I'm going to get letters from Creationists.)
Jason: I guess we are going Global then?
Gordon: Well, let's span it.

One of the biggest draws in Dutch TV is... Prisoner of Love, where a person is set on a blind date with... convicts!

Chico: Not surprisingly, it's from Endemol.
Gordon: And Mike Darnell, if you're reading this..it's NOT a good idea to Americanize this.
Jason: Of course.
Jason: Big time no no.
Chico: I don't care how "cool" you think the idea is.
Don: Agreed. Don't need to see that idea here.
Chico: It's a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Gordon: We don't need our convicts to be media hoes
Chico: *plays "Pimpin'"

In this week's Media Ho Report, Joe Francis and Khloe Kardashian both say they may be doing Celebrity Apprentice, while Wayne Brady releases a 'Soulful' CD and Jeopardy Champ Dan Melia starts up a course at UC-Berkeley ... Howie Mandel tapes a show in Windsor, and Jennifer Hudson will sing at the Democratic National Convention.

Gordon: But none of them are your Ho of the Week.
Chico: Who're your hoes?
Gordon: And no, it's not Jason Block. Sorry, Jay.
Jason: What?
Chico: It ISN'T?
Jason: I demand a recount!
Gordon: You were the ho last week. No 2 weeks of consecutive hoing.
Jason: Aw.
Gordon: The ho...is Andy Baldwin, who is returning to The Bachelor...as a minister to marry Bachelor contestant turned Bachelor picker Deanna Pappas and Bachelorette contestant Jesse Csincsak.
Jason: Awwww....Barf.
Gordon: I know Chico is going to tape the televised marriage - aren't you, Chico?
Jason: Chico?
Chico: Jason?
Jason: Do you need the Helmet?
Chico: Yes. I need the helmet.
Jason: (hands Chico the helmet)
Chico: Thank you... *headdesk x infinity*
Gordon: And those...are your hoes. Sigh (takes busted desk outside)
Jason: That's coming out of the budget
Chico: Make it go away, daddy.
Gordon: And that's Brainvision. Shut it down.
Jason: Shutting down.
Gordon: While we're cleaning up the mess Chico made, let's go to break. When we come back - a game we haven't played in a while, and a game that we always play.
Jason: (feeds animals)
Chico: This is WLTI... the soundtrack of your summer...*plays chorus to "Thunder" by Boys Like Girls*

(Brainvision has been brought to you by GSNN's 6-Hour Jason Block Marathon. Watch Turn It Up from 12:00-12:30, Wheel of Fortune from 12:30-1:00, Jeopardy from 1:00-3:30, Catch 21 from 3:30-4:00 and then his 2 Millionaire episodes from 4-6pm. That's the 6 hours of Jason Block Marathon, only on GSNN. Where the players play.)

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