Episode 18.11
August 18

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I'm patriotic (waves American Flag)
Chico: Can you tie a knot in a cherry stem?
Gordon: No.
Chico: Can you tell us about Leif Ericsson?
Gordon: I can talk about his long lost cousin, Sony Ericsson
Chico: You know all the words to "De Colores"?
Gordon: Si.
Chico: You proud to be an American?
Gordon: I'm proud to be an American, and I'm proud to be hosting this show with you.
Chico: Ditto. And I'm proud to say for the 211th time... from somewhere in America... WLTI... is... on!
Gordon: Yay! Gordon and Chico here, along with special guest Don Harpwood, who's proud to be a Canadian
Don: Yo. And yes, I am indeed proud.
Chico: And proud to keep us in line. :-)
Don: That, too.
Chico: Cool.
Gordon: And we start by finding out who the Mole is...and no one cared.
Chico: Drumroll, please...
Gordon: (Drumroll)
Chico: In a surprise to no one, the Mole is revealed to be.... Craig.
Gordon: Remember what I told you weeks ago?
Chico: About Moles and big breasts?
Gordon: Yes. The Mole would be the person with the largest breasts. And no one else's breasts could compete with Craig's man boobs.
Chico: Though Ali's came dangerously close. But when she bowed out... yeah.
Gordon: And as I called it last week, Mark won.
Chico: Yep. the final score on the Quiz, 17-13. The dossier with the Mole's information.... is of no help to Nicole.
Gordon: If anything, it awas a major psychological help to Mark
Chico: ... a man in desperate need of psychological help.
Don: Hey, if he couldn't afford it then, he can now.
Gordon: Not only that, but neither of them should have won. It SHOULD have been Paul, the only person who figured it out early that The Mole was Craig
Chico: Got as far as final four. If only he went that extra mile. If I can share optimal Mole strategy here?
Gordon: Please do

Chico: This is called "Whack-a-Mole: Scenario 1, the Pick-and-Draw". In this scenario, you are pretty sure, like 95-99.9 percent.. that you know who the Mole is. Then it comes to two steps. 1) Pay CLOSE attention. Mark did nothing BUT pay close attention, but this is his failing...2) Draw out your opponents. Arouse suspicion without taking your eyes off a) the Mole and b) the prize. Worked for Dorothy Hui, winner of season 2 of the original series. Mark did a LOT of picking, not a whole lot of drawing. Paul (and to an extent, Craig) did some picking, but not enough.
Gordon: Here's what the problem with The Mole is. You have 10 questions. You can have no idea on who the mole is, but if you finish fast enough, you advance if you are tied with someone who is just as clueless as you are.
Chico: AS we learned ... oh, twice this season.
Gordon: Nicole and Mark...your finalists...both clueless.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: BUT they were both fast, and when they finally figured it out, they were both faster than Paul. And Mark had the exemption, so it was down to Nicole and Paul
Chico: And Nicole being just as clueless as Mark, she just went head first into it, while Paul thinks a little too long.
Gordon: Paul should have won it. Instead, we got someone who wins $420,000 because he was fast and lucky until the end, when the answer fell right onto his lap. This is why I hate this show. I actually love the concept, but there has to be a better way to get a winner.
Chico: I think it starts with players who want to play the game. You know, Nicole was beginning to have doubts..."Look at me, I'm a single woman up against four or five men. I don't think I have what it takes to play again THEM!!!" Please.
Gordon: The problems go well beyond that. You had people who wanted to play. The problem is that the game itself is flawed.
Don: Well, I do see where Gordon is coming from as far as the quizzes go. Personally, if it wasn't for how they apparently want to show all the Q's to the viewers without wasting too much time, I'd suggest having more questions per quiz.
Chico: So not enough quiz, then...
Gordon: I'd agree with that. Start with 10 and add more questions as the show goes on.
Don: Yeah, that would work.
Gordon: That being said, I don't think it's going to get another season to try it out, because it got absolutely hammered by The Olympics.
Chico: Along with, oh, everything else.
Gordon: The numbers weren't good to begin with, but this is ugly. The Mole was the LOWEST ranked show in the 10pm timeslot, with a dreadful 2.0 HH and an anemic 1.2 A18-49 rating.
Chico: Yeeech.
Don: Ouch.
Gordon: The only thing that did worse that wasn't a repeat? High School Musical
Chico: Another neutron bomb of the summer, but again... another story for another day. Surprisingly, Wanna Bet actually IMPROVED this week, but that's another story for another day).
Gordon: And as for the aforementioned Wanna Bet...It 'improved'...to a 2.3 HH and a 1.4 18-49 ratings, which is almost just as dreadful.
Chico: Behold the power of Wipeout.
Don: I'm surprised that it actually did better. Really surprised.
Chico: Enough to buy it... MAYBE a couple more weeks. Just enough to give ABC a glitter of hope in its eyes.
Gordon: I doubt it. It was the second lowest show of the evening
Chico: No seriously, go up to an ABC employee and you'll see a sparkle in their eyes that wasn't there before.
Gordon: I think it's just the Visine they put in there to mask the bleary-eyed continuous drinking they've had at the bar during their Summer of Suck. NBC, on the other hand, has had a great summer
Chico: Thanks in no small part of Jerry Springer's friends and a swimmer who's pretty good at what he does.
Gordon: Sure. Now CBS has had a mixed bag. They have had some good reality programming.
Chico: Let's stay on CBS for a moment. Million Dollar Password... very good. Big Brother 10... good. Greatest American Dog... not so much.
Gordon: Kid Nation...bad. Pirate Master...Very bad
Chico: Secret Talents of the Stars... the less said about it, the better.
Don: Heh.
Gordon: In fact, CBS's newest shows not called Million Dollar Password have been terrible - and it's now cost Ghen Maynard his job. You know what I find ironic in this?
Chico: What do you find ironic?
Gordon: His biggest hits - Survivor, Race, Big Brother, etc. have all been based on original ideas. He gets fired because his shows now...aren't original. Pirate Master - Survivor on a Boat. Greatest American Dog - Occupational Challenge Show with Dogs
Chico: Secret Talents of the Stars... Celebrities got talent.
Gordon: Kid Nation was original, but for the wrong reasons, as the production company got a slew of complaints from the kids parents for Union and labor violations. And Million Dollar Password, although a hit...well, it's Password...
Chico: ...on speed.. but it's still Password. BTW, expect Julie Chen & Phil Keoghan to play a round next season.
Gordon: I will say this. Congratulations to Maynard for creating the reality genre and making it what it is.
Chico: And thanks for giving it your best shot.
Gordon: And although maybe it is time for some new blood, I truly wish Ghen the best and hope that he can get back to creating new original games for CBS. Speaking of which, we finally devote some time to Big Brother.
Chico: Awww. Do we have to, daddy?
Gordon: This season is actually interesting, so yes, we will chat about it.
Chico: Okay, fine... the story so far...Libra pisses everyone off and gets evicted... as the legends foretold.
Gordon: Yes. We have 2 contingencies. April/Ollie/Jerry/Michelle, and Renny/Dan/Memphis/Keesha
Chico: Good news for the latter then, because Renny wins the HOH.
Gordon: And April and Jerry get put up. Dan wins the Power of Veto.
Chico: My guess is that the noms won't change. Based on what you just told me.
Gordon: It could though - because April and Ollie are an item. If I'm Dan, I take Jerry off and put Ollie on to break up the couple.
Chico: Ah. You know something, that could work.
Gordon: Though it will upset the internet people, because April and Ollie have been giving out free entertainment that you'd usually see in those seedy NYC movie houses on 42nd street.
Chico: Let's be honest here.. you're in the game for you... not for anyone else. Do you really care what the internet folk say?
Gordon: Nope.
Don: Nah.
Gordon: But I like the free entertainment :)
Chico: I bet you do. Heh. Now you're saying this season is interesting... Amazing what happens when you basically go back to what worked in the past, you know? 12 strangers...a little bit of strategy...and people you actually want to pull for/against.
Gordon: Well, you have that every season - sometimes. But last season, you didn't want to root for anyone. The season before, everyone wanted to see evil win.
Chico: Well, maybe I just have last season on my mind, which was, for all intents and purposes, an abortion on the franchise.
Gordon: It was bad. This season is better.
Don: Agreed.
Gordon: And Catch 21 has been getting better players in the End Game.
Chico: One of them... a lady by the name of Kathy Fordy. Kathy wins the game and gets a 9, a Jack, and an Ace. She scores another ace, puts it on the Jack. She knows what an Ace and a face mean. Then comes 4, 5, and 7. She discards the 4, and the other two add up to 12, what she needs for the 9. She's up $5000. Now she needs a 10 or face in the worst way. Card up... 2.
Chico: One power chip left. Do you use it or play the 2?
Don: Might as well use the chip. Especially since there's still a chance the next card could be a 10 or face.
Gordon: If the Ace is the only thing left, you have to use the chip
Chico: That would be... correct. There's still a 15 in 44 chance you'll hit a 10.
Gordon: Exactly. Best odds to hit it
Chico: That's little over 33%. The next card... a queen, and Kathy's voted MVP.



Chico: Mahogany base. Glass chamber... Chrome ball on top... You want this on your mantlepiece. That's what happens when you play the end game correctly. Friend of ours showed on Friday what happens when you play the front game correctly.
Gordon: And that would be our buddy Tim 'Loogaroo' Connelly.
Chico: Came alive in round 2. I think he completely controlled the questions, and thus the tempo of the round. Because, you know, as long as you control the buzzer, you control who gets what cards.
Gordon: If you answer every question correctly, you will win the game. 99% of the time.
Chico: There's still the black swan case of "a Catch 21 Catch 22." (see a few weeks ago), but if you're preparing to go on the show... you need to rewatch these two episodes from this week. See what Kathy and Tim did? Do that.
Gordon: What if I'm a media ho who wants to get 15 more seconds of fa...I mean who wants to record a country song?
Chico: Then we have the second season of Gone Country.
Gordon: Oh boy!
Chico: Who would DARE to follow in the footsteps of Julio Iglesias Jr.?
Gordon: We have 7 people who all want to release a country album. They also have something else in common. You know what that is?
Chico: What's that
Gordon: They have ALL either been on or have hosted at least one prior reality competition or award show series before Going Country. Big Bored please?
Chico: Yawn..

Gordon: Subject: Media hoes gone country. I'll name the Media ho. You tell me where we've seen them before. Ready?
Chico: Ready
Don: Ready.
Gordon: We'll start easy...

Mikalah Gordon

Chico: American Idol and Temptation.
Don: Of course.
Chico: (I'm still not tempted).
Gordon: Next one...

Sebastian Bach

Don: I can't remember the name of that one...
Chico: It was on VH1, whatever it was.
Gordon: ...no it wasn't. (BUZZ)
Chico: Sure it was. He was in Skid Row... talked about the...
Gordon: Celebrity Rap Superstar. On MTV.
Chico: OH.
Don: Ohhhh.
Gordon: How soon we forget. Boooo.,
Chico: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gordon: Ok. Back to easy.

Lorenzo Lamas

Don: Are You Hot?
Chico: His kid was in a Zaxby's commercial.
Gordon: And his kid was also the latest suitor rejector in The Bachelor. Now getting into tougher territory...

Irene Cara

Chico: Was SHE on VH1?
Gordon: ...no (BUZZ)
Don: I know the show, I can't remember the name... It had past stars trying to "revive their careers" or something, I think...
Gordon: Don's right (DING)
Chico: Hit Me Baby One More Time
Gordon: and Chico's right. (DING)
Don: Yeah, that one.
Chico: Surprisingly, Vernon Kay has found work since then :-)
Gordon: Next one...

Chris Kirkpatrick

Chico: Mission Manband?
Gordon: Yes. THAT'S the one on VH1.
Chico: Ah.
Gordon: He's also hosted the Grammys, the MTV Video Music Awards, and the Miss USA Teen Pageant
Chico: He'll never be as cool as Joey Fatone, though =p. Anyone can host an award show... let's see you host THREE game shows, Manband boy.
Gordon: How did Mission Man Band turn out again?
Chico: That didn't do so good.
Gordon: Um...no. Which is why he's there. Let's next go with...

Jermaine Jackson

Gordon: I'll give you some help here. You have to span the globe.
Chico: A German episode of Wanna Bet?
Gordon: No. Probably because he has't thought of it yet. (BUZZ)
Chico: UK Celeb Big Brother?
Gordon: ...That's Right. (DING!)
Don: I would never have guessed that.
Gordon: How did you know that?
Chico: I remember him on the season with Shilpa Shetty, and when her fracas broke...Well, time makes fools of us all.
Gordon: There you go. Finally...

Sean Young

Chico: ... it wasn't Dancing, was it?
Gordon: Nope. Not dancing
Don: ... I got nothing.
Chico: Got me. All I know is that she's an actress and that she's bat-guano insane
Gordon: She has also been a game show celebrity on a few shows, including a dating show called Rendez-View
Chico: With Greg Proops and that other chick.
Gordon: Correct
Gordon: She was also a presenter on the 60th Annual Academy Awards. So there they are. Your country hoes. And with that, we turn to our new show, I want to be a Diddy ho. And once again, our favorite Drama-Causing Diva Kim is in the Bottom 2. And once again, she stays on the show. This week's victim - Rob.
Chico: What did Rob do?
Gordon: Its not what he did, but what his team didn't do
Chico: I'll bite. What did his team NOT do?
Gordon: First of all, his team doesn't win the challenge, Rob doesn't lead the team properly, and Kim doesn't participate, claiming asthma.
Chico: Yeah. I've heard that one before...Drama queen.
Gordon: So do we get rid of the person who was the leader who at least tried, or the person who didnt participate in the challenge and who has been in the bottom two and isn't going to win, but is the source of the drama and the liveliness in the house?
Chico: Well, if I was serious about the job, I'd get rid of the latter, but because I'm selling product... the former.
Gordon: Of course. So Rob, the veteran who's had a tour of Iraq (and who would know something about discipline) leaves, and Kim the useless one stays. Does anyone see a problem here?
Don: Yep.
Chico: Not one that we haven't seen before.
Gordon: If somehow Kim wins this, then I will say that she and the producers deserve each other.
Chico: That's... uh... direct. Heh.
Gordon: Well the hamsters have been doing their own show called 'Who Wants to Work for Chairman'. I think both teams are on the Wood Chip Pull challenge.
Chico: Really. How're they doing on that?
Gordon: Goodman and House are carrying the weight. Man, those are some burly hamsters. Amanda is doing the cheerleading.
Chico: Woweee... Look at'em go.
Gordon: The event is that the Hamsters have to get the wood chips and fill them up in letters, that when complete, spell out 'Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage'

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks Doug. First up, I have a green light for a show that has no shortage of green lights.

Fox Reality has reupped "Solitary" for a third season.

Gordon: Very underrated show for FOX reality. It's grown on me.
Chico: Me too. It's reality in its purest form. Well, as pure as you can get on television.
Gordon: If you think that gags and metal hammocks should be part of reality television.
Chico: Well.. don't you?
Gordon: Sure, if you're greenlighting Saw, the Reality show. And while you're at it, if they had such a show, you'll also need one of these (hands over the bat)

Another greenlight goes to Fuse, as Chris Jericho (yeah, that guy) signs on to host "Shame 2 Fame", premiering October 29.

Gordon: Would you care to explain the premise to I think something that is the worst thing that I've heard in a long time?
Chico: Why the hell not. Basically, ten women with some sort of physical/emotional/chemical hangup compete for one last shot at rock'n'roll glory. Winner gets a record deal and a video on Fuse.
Chico: See.. NOW you can say it's the worst thing you've heard in a long time.
Gordon: I will. I'm all for second chances, but this reeks of drama, drama, drama and psychotic hangups which will provide more drama.
Chico: Total drama.
Gordon: I also think that an elimination would cause one of the people who just got off of drugs to go back on them. Horrible idea.
Chico: Or revive their criminal past. It's American Idol: Celebrity Rehab edition.
Gordon: That too.
Chico: As for my friend the bat...This particular bat is made of Canadian maple, and I'll tell you why.
Gordon: Tell us why, Chico.

Because Wheel of Fortune is doing a week of Canada-themed shows in October to celebrate being picked up by the CBC. They're also going to Hawaii, visiting Shamu, and saluting our Armed Forces.

Gordon: Will they have Canadian contestants?
Chico: Maybe. They will have Canadian trips.
Don: I think it's cool that they're doing that.
Chico: Indeed.
Gordon: Maybe they'll pay out in Canadian Currency
Chico: And, of course, there's the matter of a million dollars. Just putting it out there. If I can also put out an entry to the datebook?
Gordon: Sure could

VH1 is launching "Glam God with Vivica A. Fox" this Thursday.

Chico: Aspiring celebrity stylists compete against each other. In the end, the winner styles a star and gets 100 G's.
Gordon: Nice.
Chico: Big money for a VH1 show.
Don: Cool.
Gordon: Sure is.

Now if you'd rather watch something from across the pond, you can see The Uk's non-celebrity version of The apprentice on CNBC starting on August 25.

Chico: That'll be hot.
Gordon: Sure will be. What else from around the world is hot?
Chico: Let's find out.. We're going to Enn-Zed today.

Mike Hosking has signed on to host the Kiwi version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire".

Chico: The show is expected to tape using the Australian set (to save on the cost of building a new set, because... hey, you know how much those dang blasted things cost?)
Gordon: Probably more than what the U.S. version gives out
Chico: Oh yeah.
Don: Heh.
Chico: You need... let's see.. Lexan for the floor. That's $500,000 right there. Then some broken mirrors...Some chasing lights...Your very own polling system...Computers..Cables...Barber shop chairs...Lots and lots of chrome...It's... it's a lot. But seriously, it's good to see that almost 10 years on, Millionaire is just as relevant as it ever was.
Gordon: And so is Haterade. And so are dumb people. Let's play a mini Say Wha, shall we? I'm going to give you 2 quotes. You tell me who said them. Ready?
Don: Yep.
Chico: Okey dokey

1. When asked if he ever wants to get married, 'I don't know, I never really thought about it'.

Chico: No idea.

2. "I still love (Amber Lake). I'm not really over her yet,...We still hang. She was just out with me a couple days ago and we were having a great time. She's really got it. I think she's great."

Gordon: One more hint...

These two quotes come from THE SAME person

Chico: Okay. Bret Michaels.
Gordon: Correct, sir.
Gordon: So, Are You Smarter Than...

The Brain Trust over at VH1, who is about to start taping Season 3 of Rock of Love, despite having a star who isn't looking for it.

Chico: Hoo boy.
Don: Wow. Just... Wow.
Gordon: I'll just go on record now and say whoever wins Season 3 of this show is seriously screwed.
Don: Yeah, definitely.
Chico: Don't put the down payment on a David's Bridal dress JUST YET. And the Haterade?
Gordon: You know, it's time to let Augustus out of his cage again. You got the keys?
Chico: Letting Augustus out of the cage now, sir.

If you've seen the MyNetwork new schedule this season, we have a lot of shows. One show we don't have - Paradise Hotel 2, which was announced on August 15th as officially being canned. Hence...here Augustus. Have some vittles.



Gordon: Chico, I'm sort of worried about Augustus. He's been feeding a lot lately.
Chico: Oh, just take him to your Pilates class.
Gordon: I mean this was just sugary with no nutritional value.
Chico: Ah. In that case, take him to a zombie dentist first.
Gordon: I'll have to. Then afterwards, I can get him Fully Loaded.
Chico: I can help with that. You remember Jellyvision, right?
Gordon: I do - You Don't Know Jack
Don: Yep.
Chico: They made two of the biggest trivia games in the late 90s, early 2000s... Can anyone... that's one. What was the other?
Gordon: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, I believe.
Chico: Bingo.
Gordon: I have it for my Playstation.
Chico: Well...

They've rebooted their game operations.

Gordon: Will they have Pee Wee Herman as their new host?
Chico: Doubt it.
Don: I'd certainly hope not.
Chico: The key word at work... interactivity. They're going for high-end games that don't require folks to blast everything in sight.
Gordon: They've caught lightning in a bottle before. I hope they can do it again.
Chico: Me too. It's a big world out there. Bigger than it was 10 years ago. Take full advantage of it.
Gordon: Agreed. and plenty of Media Hoes there to represent your product.
Chico: Yes, but first, another couch...
Gordon: Wanna be a Star?
Chico: Yes.

YOU’VE SEEN DIDDY MAKE THE BAND, NOW HE’S LOOKING FOR SOLO ARTISTS. Executive producers Diddy and Mark Burnett have joined with MTV to find the ‘Bad’dest, most talented singers around! Diddy is currently looking to sign two fresh artists to his label Bad Boy Records - one guy and one girl will be given the opportunity of a lifetime! We are looking for ALL STYLES from soulful R&B and energetic Pop singers, to twangy country and hot Rockers. Come show diddy you got what it takes to hang with the best in the biz,and become the next hot act to drop on bad boy records.
http://www.realitywanted.com/call/2936-mtv-starmaker-now-casting-from-exec-producers-diddy-and-mark-burnett 

Chico: Joy. Another talent search
Gordon: Why am I guessing that Twangy Country is not going to get a fair shake here?
Chico: Um. No. On the Bay Boy Spectrum of... badness... Twangy Country is about as far away from the center as it gets.
Gordon: And now, for the Hodometer...
Chico: *plays "Pimpin All Over the World"*

'Smartest Model' contestant Brett Novek gets to be in movies, Bruno Tonioli will be a guest judge in the Aussie version of Dancing With the Stars, Ryan Seacrest will be rocking with Dick Clark on New Year's Eve until at least 2010...Carol Vorderman will be writing for Reveal magazine, Trista and Ryan Sutter christen a ship for their 5 year anniversary, Ben Stein heads over to Chico's neck of the woods - Raleigh...

Chico: Woo!

Ed McMahon gets bailed out by The Donald, Regis Philbin will guest star on How I met Your Mother, Chuck Woolery is the host of The Meow Mix Game Show...

Chico: Boo.

Julianne Hough will return for this season's Dancing With the Stars, while the rumor mill now says that Adam West may be part of the cast...

Gordon: But none of them are your Hoes of the Week.
Chico: And who would that be now?
Gordon: We have 3, and unfortunately, its more of a memoriam
Chico: They always happen in threes.
Gordon: Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes and David Zinkin all passed away this week. Zinkin gets special notice as he was a moderator for The Game Show Forum and a personal friend of ours. You will be missed, David.
Chico: He was one of ours. He was a friend, and it really shook me when I heard the news.

(Silence)

Gordon: Thank you. And those are your hoes.
Chico: Sa-lute.
Gordon: And that's Brainvision. Shut it down.
Chico: As Jason Block's not here to shut it down... Don, if you would, please.
Don: Alright. *Shuts it down*
Chico: Still to come, no man is an island, but these people come dangerously close. But first, what do we got, G?
Gordon: First up, we have things that appear on other things...besides islands. We Infiltrate next.
Chico: This is WLTI... Give us 22 minutes... we'll give you the world.

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Olympic Card Sharks. There hasn't been an Olympic Event that people scream Higher or Lower at...but there should be.)

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