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Previous Episodes (Season 18)
May 26 - Episode #200

June 2 - The Trial of Larissa Kelly/Heads or Tails/Push or Flush (2)

June 16 - Father's Day/Maximum Strength Capsule Reviews/Who's Your Daddy?

June 23 - GSNN's Got Talent/Play the Percentages/Are You Buying...
 

The GSNN guys are taking over the world... one game show at a time. Comments are always welcomed here!

Hosted by Chico Alexander and Gordon Pepper, and featuring the editors/contributors to GSNN
 


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Episode 18.4
June 30

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and remember all of those Push or Flushes we did?
Jason: Sure...with the new SuperToilet 200
Gordon: Yes - and now as a result of all of those shows being announced - they are all being premiered this Summer.
Chico: Yay for happy strike endings. I think.
Gordon: We'll find out about that next week, but as for this week, from somewhere in the Madison Square Garden Draft Board Room, We Love To Interrupt...Is On!
Chico: Wee! JJ Hickson = Joe Forte 2008.
Joe: Go 76'ers!
Jason: The Knicks can't draft a breeze LOL
Gordon: Our special guests this week - from the home of Mike D'Antoni and all of the booing fans, Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Greetings!
Gordon: And from PA, the land of Dr. J and Allen Iverson...and more booing fans, Mr. Joe Mello.
Joe: And for all of the booing fans. Hi.
Gordon: It sounded like you guys drafted Santa Claus.
Joe: Hell if I know.
Gordon: When is Pittsburgh getting an NBA Franchise?
Joe: When the Pirates stop sucking, so never.
Chico: I always thought it was when people got tired of the Steelers.
Joe: Of course, if OK City doesn't work out for the Sonics....
Chico: The only reason why the Hornets were embraced in OK City (aside from the whole hurricane business) is that they never had a big league pro team in town. We went through it with the Canes. We know how it is.
Gordon: We take our focus off basketball and baseball and go to another sport - obstacle courses. We start Super Tuesday off with the show that got the highest ratings of all of the new shows that debuted - Wipeout. Here's the premise. A bunch of people + 4 stages worth of obstacle course. The best 4 people get to the final, where the person who completes the last course in the quickest time wins $50,000.
Jason: I am happily surprised at this.
Chico: I'm also surprised.
Joe: And I'm surprisingly unhappy
Jason: Why?
Joe: My problem lies with The Qualifier. It's 4 obstacles that are made to be nigh impossible (and thus create maximum humor).
Chico: The whole obstacle course is like that. They made it no secret about that.
Jason: This was the promo idea.
Chico: It was designed with a 10% success rate.
Gordon: The producers don't want success - they want to see fail.
Chico: And apparently so do everyone else.
Jason: All obstacle shows are designed for failure. Even Ninja Warrior and Unbeatable Banzuke.
Joe: They are designed to be hard. Not impossible. My problem lies with the fact that you don't have to complete ANY of the Qualifier obstacles to win $50,000.
Chico: No... but it helps immensely.
Gordon: And how do you get to the final stage?
Joe: Qualifier obstacles.
Chico: You have to be the quickest in the first three stages. Or among the quickest. Big board, please.


Wipeout in 60 Seconds... and Reenacted by Geeks

- Stage 1: Qualifier
- Stage 2: Sweeper
- Stage 3: Dizzy Dummy
- Stage 4: The Wipeout Zone
 

Chico: This one's called "Wipeout in 60 Seconds (and Reenacted by Geeks)"
Jason: (stretches)
Chico: Stage 1 is your Qualifier... Four or so obstacles designed for one thing... Epic fail. And hence, maximum laughter. It's called "schadenfreude".
Jason: (sings)
Joe: Unfortunately, to me at least, the humor dries up fast because you know everyone's going to fail every obstacle. There's no surprise. Plus, you can watch like 5 other shows and get the same effect.
Chico: And it's just as good on those shows.
Gordon: MXC, for instance.
Joe: But people complete the MXC courses. Here, you just fall down
Jason: Dude...falling off of big balls...funny as heck.
Joe: That was moderately interesting. If you fell, you just moved on to the next obstacle in the Qualifier
Gordon: So then its better to fail quickly than struggle mightily and lose time
Chico: Right.
Joe: It sorta makes the idea of the obstacles pointless
Gordon: So you could complete the course and take 12 minutes and not advance.
Chico: Theoretically.
Jason: Possibly
Gordon: So the Top 12 who either made it or got the furthest along in the quickest time advanced?
Chico: Right.
Joe: People were finishing in 3-5 minutes without completing a damn thing
Chico: Getting to stage 2. Remember that game on the playground when you were in a circle and you jump to avoid a swinging jump rope? 12 people from stage 1 will play that. All you have to do is avoid the mighty sweeper. You're on a pole, and you have to jump up (and land) without getting hit. I think it was on another show, but I don't remember which one.
Joe: Probably several shows.
Chico: Possibly the one-episode of Storm the Castle that aired in 1993.
Joe: The first 6 to fall from The Sweeper are out. The next 5 to fall just lose out on a $1,000 bonus.
Chico: Basically. All you have to do is... survive.
Joe: And not get caught in a chain reaction
Chico: First six to do so will move onto... Stage 3. You're spun dizzy and you have to complete an obstacle... to completion. On the ep we saw, one of them was the sextuple steps.
Joe: Well, a variant. First to finish advances and everyone else gets re-spun.
Chico: Repeat three more times. Now in this particular stage, you have to finish. If you fall, you just don't continue, you have to go back to the start.
Joe: One person had to forfeit because he couldn't take a fourth round of spinning.
Chico: That's just being a poor sport right there.
Jason: rofl
Chico: The four people who completed the stage went to the final stage dubbed... the Wipeout Zone.
Joe: *dramatic lighting and flamethrowers*
Chico: Four more obstacles... fastest time wins. Very reminiscent of Fear Factor.
Joe: These obstacles were doable.
Chico: Very doable in deed.
Joe: and therefore more intriguing
Chico: So it starts out hilarious, but gets more serious as we get closer to the money... Makes sense, really.
Jason: Just all the other shows.
Joe: The one I particularly liked was the Barrel Run, simply because a) it relived your inner Donkey Kong fantasy and 2) there were a (^_^)load of barrels
Chico: I like the four jump zones myself, because... Hey, I've always been a trampoline guy.
Gordon: So the good - we had action.
Chico: And it gets tension filled at the end. No corny lines, no stopdown editing.. just full-on product.
Gordon: The bad - Like Joe, I'm not a big fan of 'quick is better than completion'.
Joe: And the joke isn't funny when you see the punchline a mile away
Chico: Says you.
Jason: I like the joke sometimes
Chico: There's an old saying. It isn't about the destination, it's about the ride. So just strap in and enjoy.
Joe: But the ride is repetitive Variety is the spice of life
Jason: Do you like Ninja Warrior and Banzuke?
Chico: It's the same damn show.
Joe: I disagree
Gordon: I'll tell you something that I didn't like in the finals - it felt very documentary-like. I wanted an audience or anything to make it not feel so stuffy. This is an obstacle course for $50,000 - the audio action shouldn't be dubbed in and stuffy.
Chico: Dunno. Reminded me of early Fear Factor.
Gordon: In the early Fear Factor, Joe Rogan did commentary on the spot - not dubbed in play-by-play.
Chico: So what's the grade, then, G?

WIPEOUT - ABC
CHICO GORDON JASON JOE AVERAGE-O-MATIC
B C+ NO GRADE C C+

Gordon: I actually enjoyed watching this, believe it or not. It had enough action and evil to get it going. I think the producers need to have more faith in it's product - and they need to rely more on the people who are trying to complete the obstacle. Good, but the potential to be better. C+
Chico: This is one of those shows that you don't watch so much for the prize aspect, but for the build up. I give it a solid B.
Jason: I pass.
Joe: If you want to watch people falling down ad nauseum, then you'll like this show. If you like some feats of athleticism with your people falling down, watch American Gladiators. I give it a C.
Chico: And that moves it to... a C+. A little better than average.
Joe: Btw, another plus is that there's none of those cut-in-the-middle commercials
Chico: I HATE those! It's like "What are you trying to do here?" My heart can't take the contrived pressure.
Joe: It's why my original grade was a D instead of an F.  If I watch it again, I'll skip the first 20 minutes.
Chico: Heh. Got ya. Meanwhile, if you're not so much a fan of the falling down, we had Al Roker hosting Celebrity Family Feud on the other station. It's like the show we've been watching for the last, oh, 30 years (and even borrows some of the questions)...
Gordon: Some? Try all.
Chico: Now I'm a fan of the Feud. I think they finally got it right with John O'Hurley.
Jason: so do I.
Chico: Then they basically took the game play of the first three seasons of the current iteration... and gave Al a mandate to just be shy of Richard Karn in terms of being a little excited. And truth be told... the celebs didn't do anything for me.
Jason: This is just a celebrity week...in primetime. Big deal.
Chico: Exactly.
Gordon: Al reminded me of Richard Karn redux. That's not a compliment. John O'Hurley shouldn't be overly concerned about his job status.
Chico: It's looks all pretty and stuff, but in the end, it's like... So what?
Jason: This is a "who cares" show.
Chico: I have a double run of the Feud. If I want to watch an hour's worth of Feud, I'll do that.
Gordon: Not only that, but they lose MASSIVE points with me on the fact that every single question they used I remember seeing on this season's Family Feud.
Jason: Can you at least write new questions?
Joe: What's the point of a summer game show if you can't save money *rolls eyes*
Gordon: Old celebrities. Old Questions. Not even complete real families (The Raven-Symone Family, for instance, had 2 people connected only by TV lineage and not by real people).
Chico: At least GSM did real families.

CELEBRITY FAMILY FEUD - NBC
CHICO GORDON JASON JOE AVERAGE-O-MATIC
D D+ D+ NO GRADE D

Gordon: The only think that stops me from failing it outright is that the game (aka Family Feud) works. That being said...D+.
Jason: I am with Gordon here. D+...only for the gameplay
Chico: I'll go with just a D. Again, it's... "So what?"
Joe: I pass, but considering the first question was a penis joke, I probably would've graded it low
Chico: So it's just a D show. What about... I Survived a Japanese Game Show?
Gordon: If you like Japanese kitsch, this is right up your alley.
Chico: The premise: 10 Americans compete on a Japanese game show... *slicks hair back* Hai.... MAJIDE! Which translates loosely into... "You've gotta be crazy!" MAJIDE is basically a sum total of every crazy Japanese game show you've ever heard of. Hosted by a guy who was apparently on SNL. Winners get to indulge in the luxuries of Japan. Losers... are punished.
Joe: It's Survivor: NHK, more or less
Chico: Of course. But unlike Survivor, it's kitschy. Doesn't take itself too seriously. And it adds to... dare I say it... the charm.
Gordon: This is clearly not a show for everyone's taste. And hence...The Bad. The only thing new is the type of games - but this is Survivor Meets Game Show. Or as Joe puts it, Survivor: NHK
Joe: And upon first researching glance: This is not a real show.
Chico: Nope. I got the hint when the host was ... a guy from SNL who was also on Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. It's fake. It's phony. Baloney.
Joe: So points off for lack of authenticity.
Chico: Competition is real, though.
Gordon: Were any of the games from any sort of real game show?

I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW - ABC
CHICO GORDON JASON JOE AVERAGE-O-MATIC
C D NO GRADE NO GRADE D+

Chico: I couldn't tell you. So it's nice and charming, but in the end, are we really going to remember it? I think not. C.
Joe: I have to pass on a grade, but the comments people are having will cause me to watch next week.
Jason: pass
Gordon: As semi-entertaining as it is, I can't give a high mark to something that's based on something 'true' when it's fraudulent. There are so many real Japanese stunt shows - did they have to make this up? D on principle.
Chico: So we have a D+
Joe: Which is kinda sad
Jason: indeed
Chico: Maybe there's some sort of redeeming quality coming down the pipe.
Joe: But I guess that's what happens when it's unremarkable at best and a stereotype at worst
Gordon: The last new show coming down the pipe this week...is Dance Machine. Do you consider this redeeming?
Chico: Hell no.
Jason: Epic Fail. This was horrible.
Joe: This was common people dancing for dollars?
Chico: It was a remake of Master of Dance... which was a remake of Dance 360... which wasn't THAT good to begin with!
Joe: Dance 360 was so bad it was good
Chico: Basically... six people engage in dance battles, and the audience chooses a winner.
Gordon: Master of Dance - 6 people dancing. Judges judging. 30 minute show. Winner gets money at the end. Gordon and Chico failed it.
Joe: I saw a promo during Wipeout--put it on my Do Not Watch List

DANCE MACHINE - ABC
CHICO GORDON JASON JOE AVERAGE-O-MATIC
F F F NO GRADE F

Chico: Dance Machine... 6 people dancing. Audience judging. Hour show. Winner gets money at the end. Chico fails it. F.
Gordon: It's now twice as long, so we get twice the misery. We are now stuck with people using props, including a feathered boa, which Vinny used for 'I Will Survive'. The audience gets to decide who wins $100,000 for doing 3 dances in an hour.
Chico:  We did a live-cap of the show last night, during which we actually coined a game-show-geek phrase out of it...  "At least your set is nice."
Gordon: The set was nice. Everything else was ugly. F.
Joe: Wipeout winners get $50,000. There's no justice in this country.
Chico: There really isn't.
Gordon: I'm sure the people on Step It Up and Dance, who have to get through 13-15 projects, love the fact that people can dance 3 times in a night and win the same amount that they can. Don't you?
Chico: Um...no.
Jason: This was the 2nd worst show I have seen this year. F.
Joe: Dare I ask what was worse?
Jason: I still think "The Moment of Truth" is. From a moral/gameplay perspective. But this is turd on a turd sandwich.
Chico: With turd fries and a urine shake.
Joe: I think I'll give it the best grade of all y'alls..................a PASS
Gordon: On a side note, I really want the person who greenlighted this to be my surrogate daddy (or mommy).
Jason: lol
Gordon: Because if they said yes to this, then it would be no problem for them to say yes to giving me a show...or a boat...or a pony.
Jason: I WANT A PONY!
Chico: Down, pony.
Joe: You can't have a pony.
Gordon: But DADDY!
Chico: No pony.
Joe: Not yours.
Gordon: Awww. Could I have a trip to Contestant's Row and bitchslap the people who got on stage?
Chico: ... okay. Let's run over some stats. Over the last four days... 7-17. Over the last week... 12-18.
Gordon: Almost not 1, but 2 skunks.
Joe: It makes up for being so ridiculously over budget at the beginning.
Jason: Hey I helped...sort of!
Gordon: That's right, Jason Block was at a taping this week. You know Chico, there's a reason why I call Jason a cooler.
Jason: Gordon....shut up. Now.
Chico: ... I don't think J had anything to do with it. I genuinely think it's the contestant's fault.
Gordon: You don't think he had anything to do with Patrick putting the Gold Bond at $13.45?
Chico: No I don't.  And I think J's familiar with the Safecrackers hidden rule.
Jason: Which is the ten chances rule...ENDS IN ZERO.
Chico: Yes, Jason, that's a GOOD Jason. Virginia doesn't know the secret. So she sets the dial at $605. No, Virginia, that's a BAD VIRGINIA!
Joe: To be honest, she didn't seem all there.
Gordon: And I love Drew's quote to Patrick after everyone boos Patrick (who puts the Gold Bond at said $13.45) the out of the building.

"Daniel's going to show you what your boos were worth right now... (Shows everyone that Patrick was wrong and loses everything) Now get ready to boo again."

Joe: Of course, Rich Fields had an issue or two of his own this week.
Chico: Gremlins got to his copy. We had an upright piano that looked like a fridge. And a fridge that looked like an upright piano!
Jason: That was hilarious. The audience went nuts.
Joe: To his credit, he kept going as if nothing happened. As a radio DJ, I approve.
Chico: Good job.
Joe: I also approve of taking his ribbing like a man.
Chico: One of the classic Price moments.
Jason: He took it in great stride.
Gordon: Drew is really getting into his stride on this show.
Chico: And in the end, the show and the host will be that much better for it.
Joe: It's a good thing we're getting more episodes than normal this season.
Jason: And he is a cool guy...getting 45 pizzas from OH for the wrap party.
Chico: And paying for their delivery.
Gordon: Could the deliveryman be Howie Mandel? Since he has some free time on his hands now that Deal or no Deal's season is over.
Chico: Yep.
Jason: Could be...although he is kind of busy with the syndie tapings...he has a couple of hours off.
Chico: Since the premiere, they've given over $25,000,000 away. Will he add on another million? The player tonight... Brandy Brown. She's got some funky hair.
Jason: How funky is it?
Chico: It looks like a mullet. Definitely used a lot of product on it.
Gordon: That was product? I thought it was a squirrel's nest.
Chico: Nope.
Gordon: Oh.
Chico: We're talking at least some wire. Anyway, she plays with eight cases with a million in it.
Jason: So what happened?
Chico: Anywho, Brandy's reduced to ONE MDC after round 4. So here's the board...

1 / 25 / 300 / 400 / 10K / 25K / 50K / 1m

Chico: And the offer... $77,000. If you're a bit brave, you want to play it out. And she does.
Gordon: You sure about that?
Chico: Why not?
Gordon: No net at all, and a huge plummet of funds if the mil isn't there.
Joe: I can live with 50K
Chico: I can live with 50, too.
Gordon: But you're not going to get an offer of 50. The only way you see 50 is if you play it out.  You'll get an offer of around 20. That's an over 50k drop. I'm walking with the 77K.
Chico: Anyway, she knocks out 10,000... and the million. Wah waaaaaah.
Gordon: Ha!
Jason: Done. See Ya.
Gordon: And now you can get the offer of 20k.
Chico: Not even. $13,000. She plays on.
Joe: I would too
Gordon: Meanwhile, I'm hanging out with my 77k laughing at all of you.
Chico: You do that now, dude.
Joe: Enjoy your taxes :P
Gordon: If there's only one number higher than the offer, its time to deal. Especially with no net. Simple mathematical function.
Chico: Brandy ends up taking home $28,000.
Joe: That works
Chico: Which all things considered, isn't terrible... except that she was sitting on the 50k that we could live with.
Gordon: Waa waaaaaa
Joe: Wasn't her game.
Chico: And now we wait until September when we get not one... but TWO versions out!  Aren't you excited?
Joe: eh
Chico: ... well are you excited that Password got renewed?
Joe: Very.
Jason: Excited....somewhat.
Gordon: I'm happy it got renewed - as long as I don't see it in the Fall.
Jason: Regis saves a third network
Joe: Not sure if CBS really needed saving.
Chico: No.. but it's nice of some network to show us some love. ABC. *deathstare*
Gordon: It's time for the Mid-Summer Report Cards, with Chairman Chico and Professor Pepper
Jason: Mid Summer...already?
Chico: Yep. Hard to believe, isn't it?
Joe: Can I be the Assistant Dean of Admissions?
Chico: ... I can go with that.
Chico: Okay, let's start with the honor roll...With the exception of American Gladiators, if you're a returning show... you're basically on it... oh yeah, and Duel, too. Forgot about that.
Gordon: America's Got Talent - definitely
Chico: SYTYCD... of course.
Gordon: Put in America's Best Dance Crew on the honor list and Top Chef.
Chico: Got it.
Gordon: Put Jeopardy and The Price is Right in Honor Roll, since they do have new episodes.
Chico: Got it.
Gordon: and Millionaire.
Chico: Got it. Except this week. Leeza can't host for (^_^).
Jason: You are so wrong on that, Chico.
Gordon: I'm going to agree with...Jason. I thought Leeza was a very competent host.
Chico: Seemed to me she was trying to be too much like Meredith.
Joe: Not necessarily a bad thing.
Chico: Granted, she's probably the best guest host this season.. but that isn't too hard to do.
Jason: And the point being? She was very good at being relatable and a host.
Gordon: I won't disagree with that - but she did do it very well. I'll take her over Billy Bush and Dave Price any day of the week.
Chico: Anyone will.
Jason: And NFNS 4... Ratings have been huge.
Chico: Oh yeah. A lot of good up there. A lot of decent... good... product. Gordon: Next up - Good standing.
Joe: MDP I have to think gets there....much to the chagrin of Gordon.
Gordon: Ill grudgingly put it in Good Standings. Moment of Truth goes in Good Standings - though the ratings have been slipping as of late.
Chico: That's your Last Comic Standing right there. Wipeout, too.
Gordon: Hell's Kitchen... Legally Blonde. The Ultimate Fighter. Deal or No Deal goes with the good students.
Chico: Yeah. Hampered by the fact that it was on too much, last week's show got the lowest rating in the history of the franchise.
Gordon: Overkill = lower episodes. Where has this happened before?
Jason: (cues Millionaire Theme)
Gordon: Next up - the C and D students. They are not performing up to potential.
Joe: I Survived a Japanese Gameshow.
Chico: Celebrity Feud... Though to be fair, we should also give these another episode.
Gordon: Groomer Has It. She's Got The Look
Jason: The Bachelorette?
Gordon: Definitely. Finally, it's the group of Fail. These shows either flunked or need to flunk out of school.
Jason: Dance Machine
Chico: Master of Dance. Your Place or Mine. Moved after a week. Moved AGAIN in three. That. Doesn't. Happen.
Gordon: Miss Rap Supreme... Celebrity Circus... A Shot of Love 2
Chico: The Mole...
Joe: We'll figure this all out eventually.
Gordon: And finally, we had...more talent. and Ozzy Osbourne.,
Chico: What does Ozzy have to do with any of this, fray tell?
Jason: It wasn't Ozzy per se... It was a fake Ozzy. A very BAD fake ozzy
Gordon: We had an Ozzy Osbourne impersonator.
Joe: I thought Next Big Thing was last year
Gordon: And Jason and me behind Sharon watching her misery. And enjoying it.
Jason: And Piers wouldn't push the button. And he was loving EVERY second of it.
Chico: He would. Because he's evil. And he knows we're evil.
Gordon: I was too. She deserved it after not buzzing out Bill Curlee and others.
Jason: This was sweet revenge
Chico: Ow. That's just... you don't DO that. What the hell?
Jason: Hey Gordon!
Gordon: Hey Jason!
Jason: I have a question for you?
Gordon: Go for it
Jason: How do you make a person who did something in New York, appear in Chicago?
Gordon: Magic!
Jason: Or the magic of bad editing... care to explain G?
Gordon: We had a 'Magician Montage' with magicians that supposedly auditioned in Chicago - except that at least 2 of the bad ones auditioned in NYC.
Jason: Which we saw one of them...brutally bad. And I have to call shenanigans big time this week. You guys a fan of good magic? Of great magic?
Chico: Yeah. When it's done right.
Jason: Ever hear of Charlotte and Jonathan Pendragon?
Gordon: I have. I think everyone has.
Jason: What the hell were they doing on AGT's stage?
Gordon: Performing magic, silly.
Jason: We know that.  I mean, don't you think they have an "unfair advantage" being known names? And having a 30 year career to base themselves on?
Chico: Um.. Maybe if no one's ever heard of you.
Jason: You have to be serious right?
Gordon: I think they do have an unfair advantage. That being said, are they illegal?
Chico: Hey, if you can have a bunch of acts that we've seen elsewhere... I say, why not?
Jason: They don't have an official Vegas Contract...
Gordon: I mean I think it's up to the producers to determine who can and can't go on. Since they don't have the contract, they are legal.
Chico: There you go.
Jason: I still think this is way unfair.
Gordon: And quite honestly, based on merit and not name, I do feel they should be in the Top 20.
Jason: I don't.
Chico: Hey, if they let Quick Change in, I say, by all means go for it.
Jason: Quick Change was a pro act?
Gordon: Sure were. Over 15 countries toured. Id call it a pro act.
Jason: Same thing.
Gordon: They didn't win.
Chico: No.
Gordon: They lost to a 12 year old amateur.
Jason: This is the same American Idol question isn't it?
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: I take the same attitude on this as I do on American Idol. This is to determine the best talent out there, regardless of experience. And need I remind you, the $100,000 Uber Star Search champ lost to an unknown from Missouri.
Jason: Thats true, G.
Joe: And what constitutes "professional"?
Chico: I say if at least you try and make a living off of it. As in an actual living off of it, as in "I'm a professional scientist, Joe's a professional DJ", that's a LITTLE professional.
Gordon: I'll agree with that. So I say get the best 20 who are legally able to get there make the Top 20 and let's see the audience decide.
Chico: True.
Jason: But I don't like the way AGT is editing stuff this year.
Joe: America isn't dumb...................well, that dumb
Chico: It's just sloppy. Meanwhile, our hams are trying to get on next season by singing barbershop.

*hams squeaking to the tune of Moonlight Bay*

Gordon: ...you taught them that, didn't you?
Chico: Guilty.
Gordon: It sounds good. I won't X them
Jason: Very good.
Chico: Okay, let's get going.
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Okay, we're tight on time, so let's get to it. What's up first, G?
Gordon: First up...I hear you want more new programming.
Chico: What you got?
Gordon: I got the power of music...

The Singing Office shows up with Mel B and Joey Fatone on June 29.

Jason: Yippee! My life is saved.
Gordon: Joey's been busy lately, between Celebrity Circus and The Singing Office.
Chico: Very much so. He's... uh... he's getting there.
Jason: Yeah
Chico: Meanwhile, we've got a ton of business to get to.
Gordon: Here, Chico - I'll give you something to help you with it (presents the bat)
Chico: Thank you.
Jason: That's a big bat.

Crosswords is in trouble. Taping has stopped until at least the first of the year. In the meantime, season 2 will consist of unaired season 1 shows... and they'll be paired with Canadian quizzer Inside the Box.

Chico: ... which means we get to see how our friend Ryan did on Inside the Box.
Jason: Yes
Chico: But we know already. ALSO...

Zoo Productions, creators of 5th Grader, is bought out by All3Media.

Chico: Someone's cocky after winning an Emmy
Jason: LOL
Chico: Wants his Emmy, now he wants 5th Grader. "This is Ice T, pick up the phone. There's money on the end."... you get the idea.
Jason: Pretty much
Chico: Yeah. Okay, Gordon... Whiteboard. Go.
Gordon: I'm going - and so is someone else - right out the door.

Are You Smarter Than...Oshun, the first person out of Shear Genius #2 who decides that he's too busy to lay low and then shine in the later episodes to actually work on the challenge. In order to get to the next challenge, you have to get past the first - which he didn't - so bye bye now.

Jason: You mean he didn't cut people's hair blindfolded?
Gordon: I'm not sure if it was cutting as much as butchering. He was clearly the worst person there, and yet, he accused the judges of favoritism.
Joe: Dude has issues
Jason: Ego, much?
Gordon: He needs to see what he did in the first episode - and then order a serving of humble pie.
Chico: Me, just thinking about getting my hair cut by a person who's blindfolded... That's "Okay, we're done here."
Gordon: ...you have no hair.
Chico: But if I did.
Jason: That's what happens LOL
Gordon: Now for Haterade, I'd like to introduce you all to something new...
Joe: Ooooooh
Jason: what's that?
Gordon: Because we now have an image of THE GAME SHOW ZOMBIE STRIPPER!!!!
Jason: We do?



Jason: Damn.
Gordon: ok. Anytime you see the Game Show Zombie Stripper, that means that a game show has been stripped from it's slot and has been eaten by the Game Show Zombie.
Joe: Braiiiiiiins
Jason: Braaiiiiins

And the brains the Zombie's claim...Your Place or Mine. 2 weeks ago, it was on the air on Sundays. Last week, it was moved to Saturday night. This week....not on the schedule at all... until they placed it literally at the 11th hour (okay, the 12th). Another victim of the Game Show Zombie Stripper.

Jason: Chomp, chomp, chomp.

And the next victims could be...Dance Machine and Duel. Dance Machine has a TOTAL of 3.76 million viewers. Duel? Even less - 3.27 million. Zombies want more brains...

Chico: Pachomp pachewy chomp
Jason: mmmmmm
Gordon: Do Zombies get Fully Loaded?
Chico: Yes they do. And good news for you, Gordon.

Wheel and J! are now on the Mac!

Gordon: YAY!
Chico: They're on Freeverse. They're absolutely free to try, but if you want to buy'em, cough up $20.
Joe: *hack*
Jason: (hairball)
Gordon: (cough cough)
Chico: Yeah, you could hairball it... but then you'd go to jail.
Gordon: And then you'd be a media ho for the wrong reasons.
Joe: Tea Bags not required
Chico: Got a lot of Casting Couch. So pay attention, I'm only going to say this once.

If you've been in a friendly divorce, OR you have a cat OR you like Bingo America OR you have a mind for pop culture... RealityWanted.com has posted casting calls for all y'alls.

Joe: Mind for pop culture, you say?
Chico: Yep
Jason: MTV

And if you're a singer... then you can possibly be the next David Cook. Idol has just posted audition dates.

Gordon: Wasn't paying attention, Chico, can you run all by that to me again?
Jason: ROFL
Chico: NO. Sorry.
Gordon: Aw. I guess I'll tell you about some hoes, then.
Chico: You could do that... *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"*
Gordon: In this week's Hodometer...

Allison Sweeney is with child, Simon Cowell has a reality movie in the works, while he gives Randy a sword for the Dawg's birthday... American Idol semifinalists Kady Malloy and Alaina Whitaker join up, while Taylor Hicks lands a deal with a record label, Ruben Studdard gets married, Donald Trump wants Heather Mills on the Celebrity Apprentice - though NBC doesn't. Kim Coles (Dating Game) and Judy Gold (Newlywed Game) get selected by GSN, Bob Saget gets roasted, and Brooke White teams up with Malaria No More.

Gordon: But none of them are your hoes of the week.
Chico: I have a good idea, but let me know.
Gordon: We have double hoes pulling double duty. It goes to Mel B and Jerry Springer, who are both hosting the Miss Universe Pageant, while they are both hosting summer game shows (Mel B.'s The Singing Office and Springer's America's Got Talent)
Chico: Hmm.. there you go. Nice.
Jason: 2 checks....can pay for gas.
Chico: Finally, let's take a trip... and since we're all about Japan... why not.
Jason: Oh yeah
Joe: ikimashou!
Chico: So desu ne.

Japan's the latest country to hop on the bandwagon that is Cash Cab. After scoring that darn Emmy again, All3Media scored a deal in both India and Japan.

Chico: ... I'd think the show would be a little too run-of-the-mill for the Japanese taste, but then again, they bought into Millionaire, so what the hell do I know?
Jason: A lot...but the foreign tastes can be adapted.
Chico: Of course.
Joe: I'm sure Cash Cab can be adapted to one of said tastes .There are certainly plenty of taxis in Japan.
Gordon: Sure could. And that's Brainvision. Shut it down.
Chico: Done. Still to come, we have fun with words... namely other people's words, but first... we have... more fun... with other people's words. This is We Love to Interrupt, doing to game shows what Top Gear did to James May's career.
Jason: ROFL

(Brainvision is powered by I Survived a Canadian Game Show... Imagine playing The Mad Dash, Test Pattern, Talk About, Inside the Box, and Bumper Stumpers for $1 million... Canadian, which is... oh, about $40... $50?)

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