Episode 18.6
July 14

Chico: Howdy hey, I'm Chico Alexander, and over the last weekend, I managed to wrest another title from Gordon's coffers :-)
Don: And what title would that be?
Chico: That of Extreme Improv Mini-Golf Champion. Actually, it wasn't extreme improv mini-golf, but I did win that game.
Gordon: You got lucky.
Chico: I got lucky. How about you were good and I was a little better?
Gordon: 1 stupid idiotic stroke. I'll get you next time, Gadget.
Don: lol
Chico: Okay, from somewhere in Claw's dungeon, WLTI... is... ON! This week, we're joined by Jason Block, Don Harpwood, and the U!-nited States Marines.
Jason: I have a prepared statement. To all those people who insulted, mistaken or said inappropriate things to this weekend...I apologize.
Gordon: I won't, because I enjoyed Jay looking like a complete idiot. :-)
Chico: Long story folks... We were in AC this weekend, and J just ... talked. ... Happens to the best of us.
Jason: And my brain and my mouth didn't work...I blame the heat.
Don: Yipes. Must have been really hot.
Chico: Yeah, it was pretty hot.
Gordon: Actually...Jay seemed normal to me. Didn't he seem normal to you, Chico?
Chico: As normal as can be expected. I wish I could say the same for half of last week's ep of Celebrity Family Feud.
Gordon: If we're starting with Celebrity Family Feud, then this has to be a slow week for news, doesn't it?
Chico: Yeah, you'd think so. So back to normal. The Office/Gladiators half... very much normal. The My Name is Earl half... Not so much. And the accountants from the Office gave the Camden County All-Stars the thrashing they very much deserved. Thoughts on celeb contestants acting in character... That's the death knell for a celebrity based show if ever I saw one
Jason: You ain't kidding. Anyone remember the Hatfields/McCoys feud...in character?
Chico: That's basically saying, and them acting it out proves the point... We don't care. You would THINK that there'd be a modicum of respect for their charities. Instead, I see a lot of people pissed off.
Gordon: The Hatfield / McCoy feud was terrible in terms of acting. This...doesn't follow far behind.
Chico: Explanation, G.
Gordon: These people who acted, both acted and played like idiots. They also played the game in their roles. I mean you have the WWE play almost every season, but at least they play to win. These people played it for laughs, which insults both the game and the viewers who are watching.
Chico: Hence, my comment on "The Office" giving the Camden County All-Stars the thrashing they so rightly deserved. True story... I couldn't watch it over the air on my local station because of tornado coverage...
Gordon: The tornado was trying to bail you out of an hour of your life that you would have wanted back.
Chico: Wonder if it was an omen... Things that make you go... Hmm...
Gordon: More like things that make you go retch.
Chico: What, the game or the tornado coverage?
Gordon: Both?
Chico: Both.
Jason: That is TV Karma.
Chico: Okay. Speaking of retch. Big Brother's back.
Gordon: Retch.
Chico: So far, we know two things of note.
Gordon: This week, we have Jerry, the 75 year old guy be voted as Head of Household.
Chico: And that's both of the things in one sentence. *applauds Gordon*. He's chosen Jessie and Renny as his first two nominations for eviction. Jessie (considered a physical threat) and Renny (considered annoying, and who woke up half of the house) get into the first argument - so they both get nominated by Jerry.
Don: Renny seems really crazy.
Gordon: She's a nutbag who's nuts got stolen by the asylum squirrel.
Chico: And Jerry seems to be the only one playing the game from the word go. And that, believe it or not... is a good thing.
Don: Good for Jerry.
Chico: So a decent start for the game, and I see the series going into another summer winners column (don't WANT to, though), because of the strength of the time periods. Well, two of them. The Sunday night and Wednesday night shows... They'll get eyes, BUT Tuesday, it's up against America's Got Talent AND I Survived a Japanese Game Show
Jason: Not good.
Chico: Especially after last week's semis. BB10's got its work cut out for itself.
Gordon: Nope. Big Brother is certifiable Train Wreck Television. So is another show that debuted this past week - I Love Money.
Don: Who doesn't? :P
Chico: But this is train wreck television that KNOWS it's train wreck television...and doesn't seem to have an issue with it.
Gordon: I have no problem with Train Wreck TV - especially when it knows that it's Train Wreck TV
Chico: The premise: past all-stars from the many dating series spawned by "The Surreal Life" come together to show why they REALLY appeared on those shows. To be money grubbing love-dem-hoes. Am I right?
Don: I'd say so.
Chico: Which means for once we have a reality TV show that delivers on its promise :-)
Jason: Pretensions be damned.
Gordon: Who needs pretentious. I Love Train Wrecks. This is fun TV.
Chico: Am I going to give it an A because of it? Probably not. Because hey.. it's stupid fun... but it's still stupid.
Jason: Sometimes you need a Burger King whopper with your Sushi on your TV, no?
Chico: Nice cheesy Whopper with everything on it.

	I LOVE MONEY - VH1
	CHAIRMAN	HATERADE	THE BLOCK	DOUGHNUT	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	D-	B-	NO GRADE	NO GRADE	C-

Gordon: Sure do. This isn't going to win any Emmys, but it's a show that you can put next to Big Brother, Moment of Truth, etc. as TV shows that you don't admit to following - but you do. B-.
Chico: I still think it's stupid for the sake of stupid. And some of the players... why are they stinking up my TV ... AGAIN?
Gordon: But they're stinking less.
Chico: Again, for me, a case of modest host saves from epic fail. D-
Gordon: You just don't like train wrecks. Have a Whopper.
Don: I don't get to see it yet, so I'll pass.
Gordon: Block?
Jason: I didn't see it. But I will catch the episodes later on. But I like shows like this...no pretense all cheese.
Chico: It's cheesetastic. It's cheddarrific.
Jason: It's gouda for all of us.
Gordon: And speaking of cheese...do dogs like cheese?
Jason: Not good for them I don't think.
Chico: Dogs love cheese. Flavoring. Lots of dog people got their own forum with "Greatest American Dog" on CBS.
Gordon: The Good...people like dogs.
Jason: I am a cat person.
Chico: Also good... People like people who like dogs. And dogs like the people who like them...
Gordon: Notice we're not talking about any of the merits of the show.
Don: That bad?
Chico: I mean... the intentions are good... and the last show RJ Cutler created was pretty stimulating (American Candidate).
Jason: Didn't see it...but I bet we are going to get pawfuls of criticism
Chico: .. BUT, This just screams out "strike filler". I mean, the intentions are good, but in the end, are we really going to remember it?
Jason: Probably not. You can promote it with everything in the world...but if the show stinks, what of it?
Gordon: Let me be a little more blunt. If I may.
Jason: (hands you shotgun)
Chico: That's what we pay you for.
Jason: Do you want to the bird shot or the full shells?
Gordon: Full shells, please.
Chico: PULL!
Gordon: Stereotypical Show. Stereotypical Dogs. We have regular challenges. The bottom 3 people go into the Elimination challenge.
Jason: Cookie. Meet Cutter.
Chico: Wow, Gordon. That sounds like every other reality competition ever created EVER! The only thing missing are teams.
Gordon: Amazing, isn't it!
Chico: It is.

	GREATEST AMERICAN DOG - CBS
	CHAIRMAN	HATERADE	THE BLOCK	DOUGHNUT	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	D	D	NO GRADE	NO GRADE	D+

Gordon: Yeah. Hello Strike Filler with nothing new to the party. Woof, woof, woof. D.
Chico: Agreed. this is one dog of a series. D.
Jason: Didn't see it...but I think they are putting it on during the Dog Days of Summer. And let me ask...did it do well ratings wise?
Gordon: It did ok. 9.62
Chico: Number one in its slot.
Jason: But with not good numbers right?
Gordon: 9.62 is good. The real test comes during week #2 to see if people like what they saw.
Chico: We'll just wait and see there.
Gordon: One thing we don't have to wait for anymore - Aaron's reign as Jeopardy Champion. Because the reign is over.
Chico: Shame really. He really did eat clues for breakfast. His wagering strategy, though, suffered a cruel blow on Friday.
Jason: Yes....and he did the right thing!
Gordon: ...No. No he didn't. He did the wrong thing, in one of the worst betting blunders I have seen this season.
Chico: Getting there. The clue please.
Gordon: The Category: Baseball History.

(ding)

For 30 years, this team held their Spring Practices on Catalina Island.

Chico: Questions, please. You can't answer, J. Neither can you, Gordon.
Gordon: Boo.
Jason: Got it.
Chico: Neither can you, studly bald guy in the mirror
Don: Hmm...
Chico: That leaves... Don.
Don: I don't know, but I'll guess "Who are the Dodgers?"
Chico: I'll give you the hint that Gordon gave me. The team AND the island are owned by a man named Wrigley.
Don: Ooohhh. Sounds like the Cubs, then!
Chico: The Cubbies!
Gordon: The Cubbies are right. Now Chico, Who had what going into Final Jeopardy?
Chico: Aaron: $16,900, Joan: $9,200, Carolyn: $19,400
Gordon: So, Chico, if you are Aaron, what do you bet?
Chico: I either bet everything to try and double up... or bet NOTHING in hopes that Carolyn is not a sports buff.
Jason: Thank you. You bet everything.
Gordon: You're wrong...and you're wrong. The correct bet is...$2,501.
Chico: Explain the $2501.
Jason: That bet is Gordon is very Puss...er...CAT like :-)
Gordon: My goal isn't to be macho. I'm in second place trying to be a 6 time Jeopardy champion. I'm here to survive and advance, and I Survive and Advance if I win the game. I know first place has to bet big to cover me. So all I do is bet just enough to cover Carolyn. BECAUSE if she bets wrong, I win. And a simple $2,501 means that I don't have to get the question right. If I bet everything and get it wrong, then it's game over.
Chico: That falls under the second option of a Stratton's Dilemma. Because if I'm Aaron, I know that Carolyn has to cover me. But if it's a category I don't like, I can still win by betting nothing. Because if I know Carolyn... she's GOING to bet to cover me. She did.
Gordon: Though I have to bet enough to cover Joan in case she gets the question right, so I can't bet nothing.
Chico: Also true.
Gordon: So the right bet is $2,501
Chico: So what does Aaron do? He bets... get this... $13,100. .. WTF mate.
Gordon: Being MACHO and betting it all is like staying way too long at a casino table instead to jumping off while ahead.
Chico: But enough about me :-)
Gordon: I'd rather stay for 10-15 minutes, make my money and get off the table.
Chico: Aaron, though... he has to prove why he's a champion. Instead, he proves why he's a chump.
Gordon: So I have NO problem being SUPER PUSS...er...KITTY, wagering just enough to win on a loss. Jay can then call my super kitty all he wants as I smile with my money and move on to the next game.
Chico: Oh well. We'll still see him in Vegas, and hopefully, he would've learned a thing or two.
Jason: Except for that 2 hour Power Pai-Gow Tiles Run.
Gordon: I enjoyed it :-)
Jason: Everybody was impressed with your skillz.
Gordon: See, Lucky White Boy can play Tiles, yo.
Chico: Did you also enjoy Tila Tequila's hissy fit? Part 2?
Jason: There was a Part 2?
Chico: There was a part 2.
Jason: I thought there was a naughty poem on her MySpace.
Chico: There was. And there was an even naughtier confront on the reunion special.
Jason: Oh really?
Don: She couldn't let it go, could she?
Gordon: Not even close. So what happened at the special. Chico?
Chico: Well, the guy she rejected basically told the world that a) Now Tila knows how he felt. and b) that he's unemployed as a football coach. Now the women... Kristy basically was reamed by Tila for being "a fake". A fake that needs help. A fake that's confused and needs help. And the kicker is... Kristy wondered if she was going to be in "one of those phony reality show couples that's going to break up in three months." Wow. Being faulted by a known ho for actually thinking through her decision not to accept the key to said ho's heart... Amazing the times we live in.
Jason: If that ain't the definition of Irony...I don't know what is.
Gordon: Amazing. At least I'll give Kristy that credit.
Chico: And the whole thing ends with Tila storming off saying "Shut your trash hole." Nice of her to take the high road, isn't it?
Jason: Oh yeah. So high.
Gordon: And...you don't think that this is a nice set up for Shot of Love 3, do you ?
Chico: I see MTV seeing boatloads of sweet money.
Jason: (beep beep beep) You know what that is?
Gordon: The boat with the load of money backing up into the pier?
Jason: (DING) You win.
Chico: And coming off of that boat... a bunch of hamsters wearing beach gear...
Gordon: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that, Chico.
Chico: What's up?
Gordon: Amanda the hamster has been doing her own love show.
Chico: O_O
Don: Oh, boy...
Gordon: On one side - 6 hamsters. On the other side - Hans the pig, Mike and Darnell the groundhogs, Drew the bookworm, Cooper the mole and Eve the cat. Will she find true love with a hamster, or will she date outside her species?
Chico: Well, considering that Amanda was preggers with hams...
Jason: That's sounds better than some of the strike filler we have seen!
Chico: Heh. Anywho...
Gordon: It's a Shot of Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. First up, the king of pai gow tiles.
Gordon: I've got some dates for you
Chico: Hot dates?
Gordon: Some hot. Some...not so much

HOT: Project Runway on July 16, and The Gong Show and Reality Strikes Back on July 17th.
NOT SO HOT: Hurl, and From G's to Gents (July 15th)
WARM: High School Musical (July 20th)

Chico: I'm looking forward to the Gong Show.
Jason: Gong Show yes. Hurl is going to be so bad.
Chico: How bad?
Jason: Look, when you see people vomiting on TV.... It's not good. On The Ultimate Fighter...maybe. This...not so much.
Chico: How about on Fear Factor? Hit and miss?
Jason: Yeah. Except when you had the reality editions. I loved seeing them get their comeuppance.
Don: Heh.
Chico: Of course, if you eat in Hell's Kitchen, you may want to throw up...
Gordon: Im also sure that seeing some of these things greenlighted could make people hurl.
Chico: Ooh, I've got a good one.

Gone Country... It worked so well the first time that CMT is doing it again.

Chico: Check out season 2 starting August 15...  We have... 1 former Idol, 1 female pop star, 1 former boy bander, 1 member of a famous R&B family, 1 rock star... and 2 actors that just make you scratch your head like... WHAT?
Jason: So...who is who?
Chico: To attach names... Mikalah Gordon, Irene Cara, Chris Kirkpatrick, Jermaine Jackson, Lorenzo Lamas, Sean Young, and Sebastian Bach.
Jason: Sean Young? Is she that desperate for cash?
Chico: Apparently so.
Gordon: You sure she isn't a replicant in disguise?
Chico: Possibly.
Gordon: If you're dealing with replicants, you need this (presents Chico with The Big Bat)
Chico: Alrighty... Here's the pitch.

Remember the last, best, and final option that AMPTP offered the SAG in an attempt to stave off Strikin' 2: Electric Boogaloo? Yeah... that didn't happen.

Don: Uh-oh.
Jason: SAG basically told AMPTP where to put it.
Chico: Yeah. Too much English on it. Which means that a strike could happen at any time... It would be dumb if it did, but that's the hand we're dealt. Which means... get ready for season 3 of Duel!
Gordon: More Amne$ia! More My Dad is Better Than your Dad! Wheeeee!
Jason: How about Season 2 of Celebrity Circus! The Meow Mix Game Show Channel!
Gordon: I think we all need some Haterade to get us out of this eu-faux-ria
Chico: Oh yeah. Eu-faux-ria. That's a new one.
Don: Yep, definitely.
Chico: Think I'll use it.
Jason: (sets up the big glass)
Gordon: Are You Smarter Than...

Anne Robinson, who because of her 4th speeding offense, gets banned from driving for 6 months.

Chico: Hope that underground pass is still good.
Jason: That judge must have some serious bangers and mash to ban her :-)
Gordon: But I think you can Drink Haterade and Drive
Jason: That's true.
Gordon: The Haterade goes to...

Florence Henderson, who accuses VH1 of forcing the marriage of Adrienne Curry and deposed Celebrity Circus actor Christopher Knight. In Florence's Words..."They asked if I could come and counsel them before the marriage," said Henderson, the Courant reported. "And I said, 'No, but maybe I'll come and counsel the divorce.'"

Jason: Wow. Man oh man.
Don: Whoa.
Chico: And you all know it's coming soonish.
Jason: You think?
Gordon: And then all of the Bradys can get Fully Loaded.
Chico: This week, we play with my Wii.
Jason: You can do that on your own thanks :-)

Gordon Ramsay will appear on the Wii, PC, and Mac in a version of "Hell's Kitchen".

Jason: No cursing on the Wii
Chico: Or at least an M rating.
Gordon: Boooooo.
Jason: Right.
Chico: Come on, Nintendo.. I've seen an M rating on a Wii game before.
Jason: We want the #!#*!#( on it.
Don: Yeah, we know it can be done.
Gordon: If this was for the PS2, we'd get cursing.
Chico: In spades.
Gordon: So Chico, would you like me to (bleep)ing present the (bleep)ing media hoes?
Chico: (bleep) yeah. *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"
Gordon: In this week's Media Ho Report...

We start with Dancing With the Stars news. Lance Bass is in. Kellie Pickler wants to be in.

Gordon: I thought Lance Bass was out?
Jason: Oh he is out alright. And if he is in...he is one of the faves. See: Drew Lachey.

Joan Rivers says she's in Celebrity Apprentice, Season 2, Brooke Burns (Dog Eat Dog) and Mark Thompson will host Hole in the Wall and Pat and Kate from the Amazing Race get married. We have the Lamas connection. Shayne, who insists that she's still dating Matt Grant (despite trades saying that she;s dating someone else), is also the latest Zaxby's girl and Lorenzo is on that new CMT show that Chico talked about earlier.

Gordon: But none of them are the ho of the week.
Chico: Who is it, G.?
Gordon: The Ho of the Week is...Ashley Dupre. Yes, THAT Ashley Dupre, who is now close to getting a reality show deal with MTV.
Jason: For those who don't know who she is? She was the ...um...escort...who was involved with Client #9
Gordon: She was the girl who spritzed Elliott Spitzer.
Chico: That, too.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And finally, we take a trip to... *spins globe* : Australia.
Jason: (hums Waltzing Matilda)

Tim Campbell is quick to find work. The former "Million Dollar Wheel" host is now host of "Celebrity Singing Bee"..

Chico: Apparently because Joey Fatone is busy on other things.
Jason: That was quick.
Don: No kidding.
Gordon: Celebrities always make shows better.
Jason: Always.
Chico: Of course. Unless it involves Dancing... gosh, what were they thinking with THAT?
Gordon: And that's Brainvision. Shut it down.
Jason: (Shutting down)
Chico: When we come back, we give six not-so-ordinary subjects the judicial thrashing that they justly deserve. This is WLTI... for the people, bitches.

(Brainvision is powered by Caesars Challenge: The Next Generation... The only big difference is that it's taped in Atlantic City and it involves bad singing of PCD covers)

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE