Episode 18.9
August 4

Chico: Hello, folks, this is Chico with you... and something amazing happened Friday...
Jason: Really?
Chico: Yeah.
Gordon: Big Brother's April spent a weekend with her panties on?
Chico: ...I don't know about that, but my sister got paid. Considering the hospital she works for, it's a freaking miracle :-)
Jason: I thought something more game show related happened.
Chico: See, that's the thing. We're joking before we get to the serious.... like serious money... serious stakes... and serious fun.
Jason: Always :)
Chico: Because from somewhere in America, the "You Guys Are So Damn Serious" edition of WLTI ... is... ON!
Gordon: Gordon Pepper here, and joining us this week is special guest Jason Block.
Jason: Glad to be here as well.
Chico: Great to have you as always.
Gordon: And you're glad to be Jevin Smith, who is the first grand prize winner of Catch 21.
Chico: Jevin Smith not only beat the odds... he turned them over and turned them sideways.
Jason: No kidding.
Chico: Here's the rundown. The three starter cards: Jack, 9, and 2.
Jason: How many power chips did he have?
Chico: Two. For his two round wins. First card up is a 9. Where does it go, kids?
Jason: On the 2
Chico: Good. Now we have a 2. Where does it go, kids?
Gordon: On the 9, daddy.
Chico: Good! Gold stars for each of you. Next... a 4. What do we do with that?
Gordon: We get rid of it and Power Chip it to the starving children in Africa.
Chico: Always thinking of the children.
Gordon: I love children. Tasty with barbecue sauce.
Chico: ...uh...yeah. Next... an Ace. Where does it go?
Jason: On the Jack. Instant 21!
Chico: And instant $1000. Now... an 8.
Jason: Passola. Last power chip gone
Chico: With extra no-thanks-I'm-good sauce. Next up... a 10!
Gordon: Put it on one of the 11's
Chico: And you have $5000.
Jason: So he has an 11 and $5000 to play with.
Chico: And he needs one of the 14 remaining 10s in the 43-card deck. The chances of hitting one, slighly worse than one-in-3
Gordon: This has already happened earlier on this season, but the face card never came up. This time around though we find...ANT!
Jason: A Queen?
Gordon: A Queen!
Chico: *rimshot*
Jason: Whoo Hoo!
Chico: That is 25,000 Presidential flash cards for Jevin Smith. And we congratulate him on that.
Jason: Big time...not easy to do.
Chico: Finally, someone who knows how to play the game... and is almost incredibly lucky. Now that you've seen how easy it is to do that... you have no excuse to not do it... unless season 2 comes round and they end up changing stuff.... What, it could happen.
Gordon: It could be harder next season
Chico: Actually, I think the rule for GSN originals is the second season is usually easier.
Gordon: Speaking of Queens, For next season's bonus round, you may have to sing Billy Ocean's Caribbean Queen.
Chico: Ah, that Billy Ocean opus, "Caribbean Queen (No More Love on the Run)". Pay attention, this is relevant, as one of our favorites returns this week... Who watched Don't Forget the Lyrics! this week?
Jason: Um...I didn't.
Chico: Okay, this is for Jason Block's benefit here.
Jason: Got it
Gordon: Recap it for the starving Jason's in Brooklyn.
Chico: Player #2 of the hour, Rick Barnes, is a fisherman who just got engaged after being with the same woman for 22 years. Good for him, but here's something he couldn't figure out... *grabs mic* Gordon... Play the track, please...
Gordon: (plays track)
Jason: (starts clapping to the beat)

"She dashed by me in painted on jeans
And all heads turned' Cause she was the dream
Caribbean queen! Now we're sharing the same dream...
And our hearts they beat as one...
___ ___ ____ ___ ___ _____

Gordon: I assume Jason knows this, so I give it to him
Jason: Actually I do. I am an 80's baby...No More Love On The Run.
Gordon: Chico - Did the 80's baby get it right?
Chico: The 80's baby got it right. Rick needed a backup. For the song called 'Caribbean Queen (No More Love on the Run)' - and which Wayne actually said. Dude... they GAVE YOU the answer.
Gordon: So he needed a backup to sing the title of the song.
Chico: Basically.
Jason: Ouch.
Gordon: How big of a fish did the fisherman catch?
Chico: But it's all good, because he eventually drops to $25,000... Gordon... "American Woman" by the Guess Who, if you please...
Gordon: (passes mic)

"American woman, stay away from me
American woman, mama let me be
Don’t come hangin’ around my door
I don’t wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
Than spend my time growin’ old with you
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____

Gordon: Allow me.
Chico: I'll allow you.
Gordon: Now woman, I said stay away,
Chico: ... Yeah. But Rick said... "Now woman, I said GET away". Easy mistake to make. But it ends up costing him $25,000. The good news... He met one of his heroes, Kenny Loggins.
Gordon: But, I have some love for Rick Barnes
Chico: how's that?
Gordon: Can I Have a Big Bored please? I have a Caribbean Queen for Mr. Barnes.
Chico: uh oh...

Gordon: And there you go. That's a Caribbean Queen.
Chico: Good.
Gordon: Rick can drink that while he's thinking about the $25,000 that he threw down the toilet.
Chico: Remember kids, not until you're 21.
Gordon: If you're not 21 yet and want one, substitute the rum for Pina Colada mix, the Watermelon Schnapps for watermelon juice and the orange with orange juice.
Chico: Melanie Heyl also played that night, she lost... well, she lost nothing, because she lyricked out on the freebie...
Gordon: What song was this?
Chico: From Blondie's "One Way or Another".
Gordon: Hit it!

One way or another I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meetcha meetcha meetcha meetcha
One day, maybe next week I'm gonna meetcha,
I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meetcha
I will drive past your house and
___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Chico: Melanie's guess: "If the lights are all off." She was off...by a word. It was "If the lights are all DOWN".
Gordon: Waa Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Chico: New episodes return September 12 (early Datebook entry).
Gordon: But wait!
Chico: But what?
Gordon: I have a gift for Melanie, too
Chico: Really?
Gordon: Really! Big Bored, please?

Gordon: And there you go. Blondies with your Caribbean Queen! A Don't Foget the Lyrics dessert special, courtesy of WLTI.
Jason: Chico? Think G has been watching too much Food Network?
Chico: NEVER. :-)
Gordon: Heh.
Chico: That's like watching too much Discovery Channel.. You just... can't.
Jason: But I like the recipes. Education and delicious.
Gordon: (Takes off 'Kiss The Haterade' Apron). Hey. I'm giving back.
Chico: Anywho, from singing, we go to dancing... and we're down to four on the floor.
Jason: (stretches)
Chico: We're down to four. Your final four dancers are... Twitch... Courtney... Katee... and Joshua. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but Twitch was a return-tripper, right?
Gordon: Well, sort of. He was the last person who didn't make the Top 20 in season 3.
Chico: I'm a fan of Joshua Allen. He's been the most consistent performer of the four remaining. You?
Gordon: I personally want to see Twitch win it. He's the only person who has gotten to the end and has returned the next season to get a spot in the Top 20. That being said...I think that Katee has the inside track to win it and I think she will, with Joshua coming in second.
Chico: She'd be only the second woman to win, right?
Gordon: Right. If she won, it would be even with 2 males and 2 females.
Chico: So would you say an interesting finale? Of course you would. Finales are always interesting.
Jason: Usually. Lythgoe knows how to do it up right.
Gordon: Unless we're talking about Duel.
Chico: That's basically what you call "an ending without an ending."
Jason: sort of anti-climatical climax.
Chico: We begin with Dave McNeill, the defending champ. Coming back with $20,000. Missed the Max Question on a question about Colorado (his home state).
Gordon: And then leaves with el zippo.
Chico: He defeats Amy Showalter, winning another $2500. So he's up to $22,500... which he loses to Gryphon Ward. Ward makes $15,000. He leaves with $25,000.
Gordon: And then...one last Duel
Chico: John Serby and Randy Howell, the other two people who haven't been chosen, play the final Duel in a good long while...if not EVER. It ends with $20K for Randy.
Gordon: And Randy blows the last bonus question. Can you show us the last bonus question, Mr. Chairman?
Chico: Sure can...

At 405 years old, which claimed the title as the longest living animal in recorded history?
a) tortoise
b) clam
c) Komodo dragon
d) Koi fish.

Chico: (Greenie) You have seven seconds... Max. (/G)
Gordon: Now Jason, as Chico and I have seen this episode, you get to answer
Jason: I am going with a) TORTOISE
Gordon: Jason, you would....lose.
Jason: Really?
Chico: Really.
Jason: Was it c?
Gordon: No. The answer is...Clam.
Jason: Clam?
Chico: Clam.
Jason: Dam.
Gordon: The clam's name was Ming.
Chico: He liked long walks on the beach and errant gambling.
Jason: I am looking at it now. Ming the Clam.
Chico: But before we get into Ming's habit. Quick question... Now Gordon knows how I feel about this...
Gordon: I do.
Chico: But I want your insight, J.
Jason: Sure.
Chico: Does Duel return for season 3?
Jason: If we were playing the percentages...I would say 60-40 yes. ABC is going to need some hole fillers. It's cheap to produce. Just a guess here.
Chico: Okay, I told Gordon this before the show.
Jason: ok
Chico: It could very well be over and done with, Duel...But if it were to return sometime next season... I wouldn't be surprised. This is the season where Greenie came out of his shell. And as good as a host as he is... the damage was already done.
Gordon: I think the an under 4.0 audience share and attendance, I think Duel is going to run into this guy...



Chico: "Augustus, Sweetheart! Save some room for later!"
Jason: ROFL
Chico: But of course. Look at it this way... It's either Duel next season... or the show where Rip Hamilton sucks out.
Gordon: I don't see how Duel gets another renewal. And giving out $500,000 is not cheap television
Chico: It isn't. But $500,000 on Duel is like $25,000 in Catch 21. Doesn't happen often.
Jason: That's my theory.
Gordon: Now Wanna Bet? Is cheap television - and also, apparently so are the playing skills of the celebrities.
Chico: This was the Tom Bergeron episode. This was the show that was going to save the series! It ended up... just another show. Worse yet, just another show with Corbin Bernsen.
Gordon: Instead of saving the series, I think this was the episode that was the iceberg to the Titanic
Jason: Was he asking "How Much is Enough?"
Gordon: No. That's the general audience asking that after watching this mess.
Chico: No, the general audience is SAYING, "Enough is enough." But let's go over why we brought this up this week.
Jason: Let's.
Gordon: Now, there's only 4 acts. After 3 acts, the combines win-loss betting of the celebrities is 2-10
Jason: Oh man.
Chico: And one of them sucked out.
Gordon: Can I have a Big Bored, please?

Gordon: These are the standings after Round #3. Corbin Bernsen, the only contestant with a semblance of an idea on how to play this game, is a little over $20,000. Now the contestants start out with $25,000, so Corbin is in the hole by around 5 grand. However, he's in great shape compared to everyone else. You know our hero and savior, Tom Bergeron?
Chico: Right.
Jason: Yes.
Chico: Emmy boy.
Gordon: He's in second...with $3,000.
Jason: OW. Pain.
Gordon: Melissa Peterman is in third...with $2,000.
Jason: Who is Melissa Peterman?
Chico: Remember the chick from Reba and every other episode of Pyramid?
Jason: Oh her.
Chico: Yeah. HER.
Jason: The blond chick
Gordon: And she played a Hooker in Fargo.
Chico: Now there's a "Who?" for you. And in the bottom is Detroit Piston Rip Hamilton.
Jason: I know HIM. Rip wears the face mask.
Chico: He may want to wear a paper bag after this.
Gordon: But Rip Hamilton sets history - in the wrong way.
Chico: Ah.
Gordon: After 3 rounds, Rip is the first celebrity to go bankrupt. The Rip now stands for R.I.P., which described his chances for him or anyone else not named Corbin Bernsen to win.
Chico: Precisely
Gordon: Corbin wins with $35,511.
Chico: Profit.
Jason: That's goes into the bad celeb players Hall of Shame.
Chico: Scary when Corbin Bernsen knows how to play the game by simply winging it.
Gordon: Finally, let's talk Moles.
Chico: Moley moley moley.
Gordon: We've seen them in action. We saw Paul get booted last week. That leaves us with 3 people - Mark, Nicole and Craig. One of them is The Mole, one of them is getting a lot of money, and one of them spent the last month of their life touring the world and getting nothing for it.
Jason: Is Nicole hot?
Gordon: ...Well, sort of.
Chico: I'd hit that. She's probably hit back, though.
Jason: Ok.
Gordon: But the question is...who is The Mole?
Chico: Easy. Craig.
Jason: Why?
Chico: Things seem to conveniently happen for him. There was the fit of dizziness in the Argentine Alps..There was the jump off the target...There was exemption... after exemption... after exemption...
Jason: Well...Gordon...was Chico right?
Gordon: Now you all know I like to disagree just to disagree.
Chico: Oh yeah.
Gordon: In this case...I think Chico's right and I'll agree with him, but for a different reason. Nicole - way too much obvious sabotage. The Mole isn't obvious.
Chico: She's playing the "Dorothy Card" from season 2 of the original series.
Gordon: Mark - Not enough sabotage, and he hasn't sabotaged at all in the later missions. So Craig, who has been consistently sneaky, is also my choice as the Mole.
Chico: I believe we'll be know NEXT week. If previous seasons are any indication. One thing's for sure... it'll be interesting.
Gordon: Right. This week is the final set of missions. Next week is the verdict and finale.
Chico: Lots of finales this week. Cooper's been a very busy mole. I put him in charge of the Datebook this week...After Wednesday, it gets repetitive.
Gordon: Drew is in charge of the Save The Mole email writing campaign. Unfortunately, no one can understand bookworm.
Chico: We'll see what's on it in a bit, but first... Mr. Pepper, if you would please.
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Gordon: And first up...hey Chico, want a Green Light?
Chico: Yep, but first, we have a very special guest batboy...
Gordon: Willie Randolph?
Chico: AUGUSTUS, GET YOUR SWEET ASS IN HERE!



Gordon: That may be what Willie Randolph looked like when he got fired from the Mets.
Jason: He has a name?
Gordon: We can call him Augustus, which is sort of funny, since Augustus is fat and our zombie...well...looks like he could use some meat on his bones.
Chico: Oh, we got some meat for him.
Gordon: Bring in the meat!

In a move that comes as a shock to absolutely no one, Mediaweek has reported that Shopper's Paradise is going out of business... After being on life support for God knows how long, 20th TV has pulled the plug on Temptation.

Jason: Here Augustus...Rossi is waiting in room #1.
Chico: Again... Shocking no one.
Jason: May I just say on behalf of the fans....This was the biggest travesty to game shows in a long time. You could have had a franchise player for a long time. Instead you neuter it and make it so generic no one cared. Thanks, heaps.
Chico: *gives the one-finger salute to 20th TV*
Jason: *joins you* That's the double bird for you.
Gordon: ... And a triple (gives the finger) So for the new syndicated game shows - neither one makes it to season 2.
Chico: Earlier last year, we gave a laundry list of things that could possibly go wrong on Temptation...If I can get a recap here...

Chico: Okay, there was three basic glaring errors and they all had to do with the show being too cheap.

1) You only get five days on the show...
2) No buying the lot.
3) No growing cash jackpot.

Jason: And yes, Gordon, you were right.
Gordon: Told. You. So. :)
Chico: Gordon's favorite three words in the English language.
Jason: Sorry for us being glass half full people.
Gordon: The only reason why the glass was half full was that the Temptation Producers took a whiz in it before leaving the room.
Chico: HA! I can say without doubt that these three... PLUS the caliber of questions asked (there wasn't any) AND the pigeonholing of contestants... they all played a huge part in this giant turd log of a game show. So if you say you can't fight the temptation. I will say, I fought the temptation... and won.
Gordon: Kids, if you're going to remake a game show, do it correctly.
Jason: When you introduce the show with American Idol rejects....You know the show is in the sh(^_^)er
Chico: Which brings me to the green light.

Is What's My Line? heading back to TV? David Hasselhoff seems to think so.

Chico: In a radio interview from last weekend, he mentioned that FremantleMedia is shopping the show around.
Jason: I think he needs to talk to someone we know...J.Keith Van Stratten.
Chico: Talk to J Keith. He knows more than you think.
Jason: It is the best Live Game Show Adaptation I have ever seen. With the Price is Right Live 2nd.
Gordon: J. Keith has the experience and the know-how to make it work.
Jason: And a reminder to DH...treat the property with the respect it deserves...I don't think Michelle L'Amour or belly dancers would be a good fit on the show.
Gordon: No bellydancers? :(
Jason: Well...maybe sophisticated belly dancers.
Chico: Not even bellydancers with balloons? (Yes, the Gong Show has gotten that much better this week)
Jason: That good huh?
Chico: Yep.
Jason: How was "The Biggest Chubby?"
Chico: Still funny.
Gordon: But the Gong Show doesn't have anyone reciting things form a Datebook.
Chico: What did Cooper give you this week?
Gordon: He gave me this...

Starting on August 8th...The Olympics! Watch NBC move their programming back for 2 weeks. Watch other shows try to avoid the slots or burn off the stuff that no one really watches. Right before that, check out the season finales of American Gladiators (NBC), Last Comic Standing (NBC), I Survived a Japanese Gameshow (ABC), and So You Think You Can Dance (Fox), and the premiere of I Want to Work for Diddy (VH1), all of which happen before the 8th.

Jason: Do you really think that the Olympics will be a ratings hit?
Chico: Me? I think curiosity will prevail over the opening ceremonies. And I know the B-ball will get a big following (it always does) Especially round here with Coach K coaching *hawk-ptooie*
Jason: Not a fan of Mr. Duke?
Chico: Gee, you think? :P
Gordon: I think it will be a hit. I don't think it will be as big as the previous ones though, thanks to a lot of Barry Bonds Strategically Enhanced Pills.
Chico: Any team with LeBron James and Kobe Bryant is bound to have a shot. Just remember that the Olympics is more than just sport. It's hope in a world that's sorely lacking. it's hope. And love.
Jason: In a country with very little personal rights.
Chico: Yes, I stole that line from Doctor Who. Who cares. Next? =p
Gordon: Next up... Let's not settle for just a Caribbean Queen. Let's get fully loaded!
Jason: (HIC)
Chico: Hi. Do you need help upconverting your TV to digital? Well, Bob Barker's here to help.

He'll be appearing in a number of ads about the February 2009 conversion.

Jason: That was a cool spot.
Chico: I'm going to make a bold prediction...This is going to change the way we see game shows as soon as NEXT MONTH.
Jason: Go for it...
Chico: More shows are going to be shot in HD, I think. I know TPIR is going HD next season.
Jason: J! and Wheel already are.
Gordon: I think HD is the way to go - and everyone will flock to it.
Jason: I need an HDTV.
Chico: DFTL, Jeopardy!, and Wheel already are. The Moment of Truth is... sort of.
Gordon: What about The Moment of Dumb? Anyone want The Moment of Dumb?
Jason: Yup.
Chico: Right here.

Are You Smarter Than...Gordon Ramsay, who falls down a 280 foot cliff into an ice cold lake and then nearly drowns while trying to tape an episode of 'The F Word'

Jason: Oops.
Chico: That's good television there.

An honorable mention goes to Dan 'Mr. Potatoe Head' Quayle, who turns down an offer to be on Dancing With the Stars.

Chico: That never gets old.
Gordon: ...no, it doesn't. Neither does Haterade. 2 Shots this week.
Jason: Line em up.
Chico: Consume.
Gordon: First one...and this shot costs $793,000...
Chico: You take an out-of-state check?

That's how much the BBC had to cough up for it's part in the rigged call-in and lose scandal.

Jason: Hit 'em hard...hit them often I say.
Gordon: Thats the biggest fine ever in the BBC, as far as a media penalty. Second shot...

Last week, we talked about how Conrad Riggs is suing Mark Burnett. This week, we get a countersuit from Burnett against Riggs.

Chico: I'm guessing for defamation.
Gordon: This is going to get ugly.
Jason: Oh boy. It is.
Chico: Speaking of shots.. let's go to Ireland, where we find two types of shots... the spirituous type... and the head shot.

Why the head shot? Because they're getting their own version of America's Next Top Model.

Jason: Interesting.
Chico: Nice to see the show branching out.
Gordon: It is. Maybe they need World Model
Chico: Remember the last time something like that happened?
Gordon: That didn't work out too good, did it?
Chico: ummm.... no.
Jason: Nope.
Gordon: What about being a Floozy for Bret Michaels?

Yes, folks we start the red sofa segment with Rock Of Love Bus! If you want to get on the bus, go here - http://www.realitywanted.com/call/2840-vh1-now-casting-rock-of-love-bus-with-bret-michaels

Jason: Oh joy.

If you'd rather sing like a rock star instead of date one, you can apply for Season 3 of Don't Forget the Lyrics. Click here - http://www.realitywanted.com/call/2881-dont-forget-the-lyrics-now-casting . And bonus points if you fall under these categories - Divorced couples that will compete together, cab drivers, veterans, current military personel, police officers

Jason: Interesting casting choices?
Gordon: Who cares if you can actually play the game? We just want characters, so we can have people like Fishermen need help singing the lyrics to a title they were just told 3 minutes ago.
Chico: And this is what's wrong with the industry today.
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: But hey, we get to see a Taxi Driver! Whoopie!
Chico: Unless it's Ben Bailey, no thanks.
Jason: (blows horn)
Gordon: And maybe in the Taxi - they have Media hoes.
Chico: *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"*

In this week's Hodometer, we have rumors of Andy Baldwin and Karina Smirnoff getting together, while Mary Delgado and Byron Velvick are trying to, in the words of Bachelor host Chris Harrison, 'Work Things Out'....Nina Garcia moves to Marie Claire, Tim Gunn admitting that he didn't get paid at all for Season 1 of Project Runway, Ryan Seacrest gets bit by a shark, and Drew Carey does Shakespeare...Mario Lopez is the new host of Extra, Dan is Big Brother's newest America's Player (too bad all of the BB cast figured it out already), and Coffey Anderson is the latest 2 time reality reject, adding to his American Idol loss by losing on Nashville Star.

Gordon: But none of them are your hoes of the week.
Jason: Who is it?
Gordon: Graham Bunn (The Bachelorette) is now going out with Chrishell Stause (You Rock, Let's Roll). It's ho meets ho on two of Chico's faaaaaaaaaaavorite shows.
Chico: I see sexy ho babies...
Jason: My head just exploded.
Gordon: I'm sure Chico wishes them lots of luck and love. Don't you, Chico?
Jason: Of course he does.
Chico: They'll need it.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's the news for this week. Okay, shut it down.
Jason: Shutting down
Chico: Still to come, we're either being accurate or idiotic, but coming up next... It's been a long summer, and we're going to break it down for you with six sweeping generalizations.
Gordon: And we'll get to those generalizations - after the break.
Chico: This is WLTI. Give us 22 minutes, we'll give you the world.
Gordon: (plays Xylophone in the back)
Jason: (ticker tape sound)

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Olympic Fear Factor. Can runners get through a marathon while breathing in noxious chemical fumes?...wait, you mean that's actually going to happen in this year's Olympics? Well never mind.)

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE