Episode 29.18 - Episode 400!
May 28

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and welcome to episode #400, as it happens to fall on our Season finale...and on Memorial Day weekend.
Chico: This is Chico Alexander... before we begin the party, we just want to say a quick thank you to all of those men and women in uniform who day in and day out lay down their lives on a voluntary basis.. so that we can enjoy the freedoms that we have. And to those that paid the ultimate price... our thoughts are with you and your families as well.
Gordon: I couldn't say it any better than what Chico said.
Chico: Now... #400. Who'd've thunk it?
Gordon: Not I, but it's fun to think about
Chico: Yes it is. And it's good to think about where we've been, where we are, and where we're going. We're going to cover all of that this week. Because from somewhere in America, the 400th episode of the world famous often imitated never duplicate electric circus that is WLTI ... is... ON!
Gordon: So for the final time this season, from somewhere in Gordon's Memorial Day March, the seaso-ending episode of WLTI...is...on! And we start with the show who's finale dipped 29% from last year crowning a new champion.



Chico: And we've become officially unofficial... "WGWG" wins again.
Gordon: Well we've called him Hot Guy With Guitar. Apparently people who have read our site (thank you all) have called him White Guy ith Guitar. it doesn't matter either way. What matter is that Phillip Philips has won American Idol. He now has enough money to get whatever kidneys he wants.
Chico: Which is good, because he needs it. I hope he gets it. I hope he gets better soon. But I'll tell you something. Phillip didn't win it so much as Jessica lost it. And Uncle Chico's gonna tell you WHERE Jessica lost it.
Gordon: Week #1?
Chico: I wouldn't say THAT far, but America started to get the hint (and such hint was validated in the coronation round when Jessica, who seemed at least capable of tackling the song given her... proved herself to be the fraud).
Gordon: I think it started much earlier than that.
Chico: I mean, think about every song that she's ever done. All she had to do was mimic the singer who sang it. The tone, the runs, the timbre, EVERYTHING.
Gordon: Here's the issue: American Idol is about gathering a fan base and going with it. Though the votes are technically cleared out after each week, the contestants have a voting slate. you knew based on past performances that Philip was
Gordon: an overwhelming favorite. Jessica would have to have a HUGE performance day and Philip would have to be brutal in order for him to lose. neither of those things happened, and based on the lasck of announced victory margin (which
Gordon: makes me believe it wasn't that close), I don't even think a perfect show by Jessica would have been enough.
Chico: I don't disagree with that. But at LEAST Jessica could've given the undecided something to think about instead of making it easy for Phillip.
Gordon: I don't think it would have mattered. I think the second Colton Dixon got booted, you had your champion crowned.
Chico: He just needed to do his hypnotic Dave Matthews schtick a bit longer.
Gordon: Pretty much. And he did.
Chico: So let's give him this...
 


Gordon: Congratulations to Philip. And continuing with people who's coronations I saw coming a mile away...



Chico: I have to give you this one.
Gordon: This was just as easy as Philip winning Idol.
Chico: I underestimated the power of the NFL.
Gordon: well for me anyways. you and Mr. Block went all over the map. How many NFL players have won the Golden Ball?
Chico: Two. Well, three now.
Gordon: Emmitt Smith, Hines Ward, and Donald Driver.
Chico: About right, yeah.
Gordon: Not all NFL players win the trophy, but almost all of them make the Top 3. And when you get there, it turns into a popularity contest. And against a Telenovela star and a Whovian, they had zero chance. The only NFLers to not make the Top 3 were ones that have had issues that Americas doesn't like (Lawrence Taylor, Michael Irvin, Kurt Warner and Chad Sesentaynueve).
Chico: Yep. I thought Katherine had it in the bag given the show's aging, female audience. Shows what I know.
Gordon: Let's just say I'm a middle age woman. Am I voting for the aging actress, or the hot athlete who looks really good with his shirt off?
Chico: The latter.
Gordon: exactly. So congratulations to Donald, who also wins this:



Chico: Much deserved. Also much deserved, the almost $100,000 in Joel Pool's .... pool. And he's not done yet.



Chico: Now he actually backed into a win on Friday's show, but all week he was playing with the skills of a man possessed.
Gordon: Sometimes you need to be lucky as can be good.
Chico: Agreed.
Gordon: Let's see the Final Jeopardy question on Friday
Chico: Got it right here. The category: Military Matters. The clue...

In 1934 the lease for this place was increased to $4085 per year; since 1959 the checks haven't been cashed

Gordon: (Puts on Thom McKee military uniform) what is Guantanamo?
Chico: Guantanamo... now for the Gordon Pepper Joe answer.
Gordon: (Puts on Colonel Sanders Chick Outfit) What is the Cartagena Colombia Secret Service Love Shack? I'm sure they didn't have to pay their rent due to...services tendered.
Chico: And Goooood night everybody! Guantanamo is correct and Joel returns Monday with $95,000+
Gordon: Now how long can he go?
Chico: He's already TOC bound, but how deep does this Pool go?
Gordon: I think it can go pretty deep. He's a very good player and only needed one bailout.
Chico: Hopefully he won't need another one.
Gordon: Yes, but a bunch of people who perform on stage will.



Chico: This week, we're in New York City.
Gordon: Now Chico and I reviewed this together, and while Monday's episode was very good, Tuesday's wasn't.
Chico: Agreed.
Gordon: Including...rapper who Howard makes cry.
Chico: So much for street cred. We also saw what could possibly be the best dog act in AGT history.
Gordon: It was very good. Now Britain's Got Talent had a dog act win it this year. Do you think that AGT is thinking the same thing?
Chico: Not a chance.
Gordon: Zero chance of Fido winning a million?
Chico: All you need is one good singing act and that'll be the favorite.
Gordon: Agreed. And there have already been some good singers. Did any of them appear on Duets?
Chico: Yep, but if I may say so... I'm all singered out.
Gordon: Are you getting Singer's Ear?
Chico: I might be. But still, ABC is thinking about the school of two is better than one.
Gordon: I'm thinking that two board executives second guessing themselves on selling this is better than one.
Chico: I'd think so. ABC is selling it as the biggest show of the summer... until the next big thing comes along. But hey, give it credit.
Gordon: So here's the premise. Jennifer Nettles, John Legend and Kelly Clarkson each find 2 people to sing with, Then they perform a bunch of songs on a leaderboard and we get rid of a contestant each week starting in Episode 3. Last duetist standing gets a recording contract. The first song, completely with back up dancers and a marching band (?!) should tell you what sort of a cheese-fest they have in store for us.
Chico: You forgot Robin Thicke.
Gordon: ...he was in this?
Chico: He was in this.
Gordon: I think he put me to sleep when he was singing Lost Without You, so I forgot him.
Chico: You needed some "Magic" up in there. =p Uptempo and what not.
Gordon: OK, let's start with the good, because this wasn't an unmitigated disaster.
Chico: Nope. The good.. the singers are genuinely talented and the pros are genuinely competitive.
Gordon: The singers they picked as the stars were good choices, as they are all solid and underrated in their own right. Even Clarkson. And yes, All 8 singers deserve to be on that stage. You don't have a dud singer.
Chico: No sir.
Gordon: That's the good. here comes the bad.
Chico: Hold on.. (puts on Xerox mask) ... okay.
Gordon: The originality they DO have (which is limited to the judges grading their own competitors) is a bad one. Peers should NEVER be judging themselves in any competition.
Chico: Agreed.
Gordon: And I know it's only week #1, but the duets themselves is straight singing by numbers., So switching the song or any creativity whatsoever.
Chico: And you've kinda expected that going in, because the contestants would be overshadowed by their partners. Dwarfed in both skill and drawing power.
Gordon: I thought they did a decent job in not overshadowing, but you're right in this aspect - the contestants should be getting the meaty vocals, and in certain cases, they didn't.
Chico: Overall, it's a good LOOKING show, but it could be a good show if they just let the contestants shine a bit longer. C.

	DUETS ABC - Thursday 8p ET
	GORDON	CHICO	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	C+	C	C+

Gordon: To me, this is just another singing competition. It's good, but it doesn't have that star hook to it that makes it appointment TV for me. C+
Chico: Right on.
Gordon: However, what do you say about the other show we have to review - the much awaited Hollywood Squares?
Chico: More like the HollyHOOD Squares. Finally, a reboot that gets everything (almost) right.
Gordon: It's Hollywood Squares meets Urban Gangstas as R&B stars occupy the 9 squares. The Good, and there is a lot fit: They don't putz around with the format.
Chico: It's just as you remember it...
Gordon: well the 1980's John Davidson Format. The bonus round has the contestants picking a row of 3 and getting the right answer for a bonus $2,500
Chico: Everyone say it with me now, like Peter Marshall is watching...
Gordon/Chico: The object of the game is to get three stars in a row, either across, up and down, or diagonally. You have to determine whether or not the answers our stars are giving are correct or just a bluff. That's how you get the square.
Chico: Now the bonus round is really cool. Something no one would've thought about with the format. And something that actually works along with the agree/disagree.
Gordon: true, but it's been done before - 40 years ago in the 70's version of Break the Bank. Still it's effective here.
Chico: Right. And the stars... Give it to the stars, they know that the game comes first. And the comedy gold comes from the game.
Gordon: well....not all of the stars realize that. And that's where we get into the Bad. Someone needs to give MGK a straight-jacket.
Chico: I kept saying that when the show aired. No one listens to me. =p As for the host. He... he's just sitting there reading questions. He should be a little MORE animated. Given how animated the show is.
Gordon: I want more repartee between the host and the stars. The host seems very very stilted here.
Chico: He doesn't have to stoop down to the level of the squares, but he has to be an effective conduit between stars and players.
Gordon: he needs to be the ringmaster controlling the animals. Right now, it seems like he's hiding under the tables after the lions have eaten the furniture, the tigers cleaned out the fridge and the bears have seen the whip and have decided to make a torture table with the remains of the shattered furniture.
Chico: You just milked that one for all it's worth.
Gordon: quote wall?
Chico: ... why not.
Gordon: Let's grade shall we?

	DUETS ABC - Thursday 8p ET
	GORDON	CHICO	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	A-	A-	A-

Chico: So overall, while you kids are watching hip-hoppers have the party rock fun, you don't know you're part of a larger game show legacy. .... sneaky, ain't it? A-
Gordon: I have never been a big fan of this game, to be honest. That being said, I would watch this version, and that says a lot. A-. Fluffy wants you to pick a square. Chico.
Chico: I pick... Drew the Bookworm.... as Eve tries to climb out of her square. BAD EVE!
Gordon: Drew...which of these things spoils the quickest in a heated car? Cat Litter, Hamster Linings, or Pig slop?
Drew: I would say the Pig Slop, but we'll find out soon enough because Chico didn't bring any of these things into the house yet (laughter)
Gordon: (hands Chico his car keys) Agree or Disagree, Chico?
Chico: I agree..... Too bad Jason isn't here.
Gordon: Nope. All yours, buddy (opens the door). While Chico is getting the groceries, Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. First up, I need my bat.

HLN will air the Daytime Emmys this year June 23. Which is weird to me, because they haven't aired a game show, talk show, or soap opera... ever.

Gordon: How the mighty have fallen.
Chico: Also... and this is kinda cool....

Wheel of Fortune will shoot a special 30th Anniversary week from New York City next March. For tickets go to abclocal.go.com/wabc

Gordon: I'm auditioning
Chico: Awesome. Speaking of... Got some Casting Couches for as well...

If you're aged 14-18, Fort Boyard is getting ready for season 3. send a request to fortboyard@foundationtv.co.uk

Gordon: I can't audition for that. Aw.

If you're ready to take on the Pyramid, email your name, age, occupation, city/state, contact info, and a CURRENT PHOTO to pyramidcontestants@gmail.com

Gordon: As long as they don't change what I saw when they taped a pilot in NYC, this will be excellent. Speaking of new shows...

No New shows this week, but enjoy your Memorial Day weekend with more talent shows this week than you can shake a stick at.

Chico: Yup. If you want to get loaded by the pool or by the grill this week, we got that covered, too. And I think you'll appreciate this, Gordon...

... ARE YOU SMARTER THAN... the ABC online crew? They reveal the outcome through video diaries posted on their website... of last Monday's "Bachelorette" before the show even airs.

Gordon: I do appreciate it. Just goes to show you that stupid runs everywhere.
Chico: Agreed. Where does it run next?
Gordon: Well...this isn't game show related, but it fits the theme of our show. You'll understand.

Are YOU SMarter than...the naked man shot and killed by police after he was caught munching on another man's face?
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/crime/mh-miami-police-shooting-20120526,0,6089228.story

Gordon: Zombies anyone?
Chico: ... Brains? Going anywhere with this, G?
Gordon: I would think so.



Gordon: LOTS of Haterade this week, so we'll start with...

... the official word that High Stakes Poker has been canned (though we all knew it here for a while)

Gordon: But wait! We have more!

Joe Bendraeu (The Bachelor) accuses Emily Maynard if being a gold digger, American Idol winner Kris Allen says the show should be cancelled, Britney Spears walks off the set of The X Factor, and Todd Bridges divorces his wife after 14 years.



Chico: Not MORE! Damn, son.
Gordon: These people sure wanted to make the weekend Memorial. I think we need to go on vacation during Memorial Day weekend. Where are we going?
Chico: Turkey. Not too soon to get ready for Thanksgiving, but...

Turkey is renewing its version of Who's Still Standing.

Gordon: Good for Turkey. Bad for the viewers living in Turkey.
Chico: Be kind.
Gordon: Kind? Is that some sort of Turkish tradition?
Chico: *shrugs* I know what's been a tradition for 400 shows now... Media ho'ing! (plays Ludacris)

In this weeks Media Ho Report, Arsenio Hall wins The Celebrity Apprentice, Jimmy Iovine and Cheryl Cole are rumored to be the new Idol judge should J-Lo leave, Jeff Foxworthy performs in Delaware... Philip Phillips goes under the knife, Drew Carey plays in California, FOX moves all their shows AWAY from the Olympics... Snooki (Silent Library) is not living in the Jersey Shore house, Donald Driver says winning Dancing With the Stars is like winning the Super bowl, and we celebrate our heritage with Geek Pride Weekend!

Chico: WHAT UP.
Gordon: But none of them is your ho of the week,.
Chico: Who you got this week?
Gordon: I got Piers Morgan, who is our ho for the wrong reasons. his show is in danger of being cancelled, and according to Jeremy Paxman, Piers taught him how to hack into phones. Not very good if you are under investigation for doing that same activity while in the UK.
Chico: Right. Not smart. At all.
Gordon: He would have been the Are You Smarter than Candidate...but you just can't beat a face eating zombie wannabe.
Chico: Nope. And that's Brainvision. *fobs*
Brobot: (plays Battle Hymn of the Republic)
Chico: Awesome. Later in the show, we look into the summer... with a plunger. But first, are you better off now than you were in October 2002 when we started this show? We'll find out in WLTI's Vs.
Gordon: You're reading Issue #400 of WLTI. You give us 22 minutes and we'll give you 88,000 minutes of entertainment of our site if you want to read EVERY single episode of our show.

(BrainVision has been brought to you by America's Worst World Driver. Jr. Edition. We see the upcoming contestants on this Monday's Price is right.)

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