Episode 29.17 - Champions League II
May 21

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and....ugh....this is heavy (drops down bowling trophy)
Jason: DUDE!
Chico: Gordon's talent... bowling better than YOU.
Gordon: That's title #23, and the third one in the Friday night league.
Chico: What's the name of the team, dude?
Gordon: The Bottom Line.
Chico: Congratulations to The Bottom Line, league champions!
Jason: And how long has it been since you had one of those things?
Gordon: 2 years.
Chico: Nice.
Jason: Nice hardware.
Chico: So it's only fitting... that the league champion leads us off into the Champions League II show. Gordon, take it away.
Gordon: Thank you. We'll be seeing shows give their prizes out this week. So from somewhere at my Fil-Am bowling banquet (yes, we will wash the cup out before we drink out of it), this week's edition of WLTI...is...on!
Chico: Joining us this week, a guy who knows a thing or two about champions: Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Glad to be here.
Chico: Happy to have you. A lot to go over, so we'll kick it off with 2012's first installment of...



Jason: Yes they do :-)
Gordon: And they have Howard Stern. And that leads to the first question to be asked...how did he do?
Jason: Honestly...AMAZINGLY good.
Chico: I liked him. I mean, this is a guy who says what we're all thinking, and that's what the judges have to be. Idol judges, take notes. The point of the judging panel is to be the voice of America.
Jason: This reminds me of when David Hasselhoff and Brandy left. Both additions made the show better (Sharon Osbourne, Howie Mandel). This COULD be the best three judge panel YET for AGT.
Gordon: That's how Simon Cowell made his money. What I liked about Howard was that he wasn't over the top critical.
Chico: No. It wasn't too hard, wasn't too soft, it was just right. And the haters who said that they were going to come out in the woodwork against the show because of it? Well.. I have a few choice words for you, none of which I can say in polite company.
Gordon: I think that is a good thing for the show. However, I think that it may turn off the pro-Howarders, who I'm sure were looking for a hard over the top Howard Stern
Chico: Nah, I think they're going to see their hero as being a good fit for the show. Yes, he's not exactly 8pm material, but anyone who knows anything about broadcasting knows that who we are in front of the cameras or the mics isn't who we are. That's basically what they do to make a living. Is play a character.
Jason: He has said on his radio show that he wasn't going to be the perv Stern for this show.
Chico: Yeah, what Jason said.
Gordon: I don't think they are looking for the perv Stern. They may be looking for the Piers Morgan Stern, and he ain't it.
Jason: The pro-Howarders (which I do knew a few), are happy as hell he is there and doing his job.
Chico: He says he's Piers Morgan on steroids. After the first couple of hours, I happen to agree.
Gordon: I don't know - did it seem to me that they were, in a few occasions, being too nice?
Chico: You're nuts. Take for example the Angry Bird Mr. Special. First of all, have you ever seen an angry bird riding a tricycle and playing Anchors Aweigh on the trumpet?
Jason: Um...NO.
Gordon: No. Nor do I want to (X)
Chico: And rather than just coddle, Howard does what Gordon loves a good personality to do. The audience boos, and Howard doesn't put out the fire with water - he puts out the fire with gasoline.
Jason: Do tell.
Chico: The audience is booing, Howard's just going "louder! louder!...I don't think he hears you!"
Gordon: That's all well and good, but I do not want to see 5 minutes of my show being dedicated to a dude who wears women's clothing dancing to 'Tootsie Roll'
Chico: But that's the price of admission. Let's talk about what we came to see. The good, the bad, and in the case of Mr. Tootsie Roll and Mr. Special, the borderline illegal.
Gordon: But in terms of Howard, I like him.
Jason: I like him too.
Chico: Me three. He gets through.
Gordon: My biggest, problems, once again, is the editing, which gives us too much of the people who don't get in, and not nearly enough of the people who do.
Jason: Exactly. Idol solved that over the last two years.
Chico: I have a theory about this.
Jason: Tell me
Chico: I think the two or three big standout acts you see span over the course of an eight minute segment of television are your final 48 acts, and rightly so. William Close, the earth harp player. That was different. Lightwire Theater.... basically one upped Team iLuminate, and we all had them going in the FINAL round.
Gordon: I'll go one better. Those are your final 10. But again, my issue is that we don't see enough of some of the other 38 acts who will get lost in the crowd, which gives them a huge disadvantage in the live shows.
Chico: I agree. I mean, I'm going to see one or two acts, and I'll give you two names here. The World Famous Stick & Move Dance Crew and Elements Dance Cru. They're going to get eaten alive in this competition, and I blame the editing.
Gordon: I liked Livewire, but they need to stand out more to me so they don't turn into Team Illuminate 2.0.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Let's give Stick and Move Dance Crew some love.



Chico: There you are then.
Gordon: Elements Dance Crew...won't get much love from me. Sorry.
Chico: Not a clogging fan.
Gordon: It was uneven, and you can't do that on tap.
Chico: But if there was any one act that could win the show that we've seen so far, who do you have? I think it's Shaniece & Maurice Hayes. Watch out for them. America likes a family. America likes singers.
Gordon: Oh no. I'll tell you who to look out for. Tim Hockenberry.
Chico: Explain, sir.
Gordon: Sob story 40 year old white older guy with a keyboard going through his own issues with sobriety. Sound familiar?
Chico: Kevin Skinner... with a keyboard.
Jason: Or Michael Grimm, 20 years later.
Gordon: Sounds about right.
Jason: Pretty much
Gordon: He got the winner's edit. I'll be shocked if he doesn't at least make the Top 10.
Chico: So we'll see more talent in the weeks to come.
Gordon: We will. More sob stories, more people to root for, and more people who don't have as compelling stories getting shafted.
Jason: Pretty much
Chico: Speaking of getting shafted, I called a shocker elimination and I was just a week early with it. In honor of RNO...



Gordon: It's not really a shocker. Shocker would have been Phil Phillips.
Jason: Not a shock to me
Chico: Well, it is in the context of how everyone did over the season.
Gordon: As I said 2 months ago, it's Phil Phillips Vs. I really don't care who he's going up against.
Chico: Now the question remains. Now that Joshua is out... does Jessica Sanchez honestly have a shot at this?
Jason: NO.
Gordon: She didn't have a shot 3 months ago. Joshua's vote is going to go to Philip and he wins. So unless you're going to change the pattern of 14 year old screaming girlies who vote, no.
Chico: I'm not going to change the patterns, i know them too well. So we're going for the fourth milquetoast pop rocker to win the whole thing.
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Yep.
Chico: I'll agree with that. So let's just say Jessica HAS a shot (no chance!) ... what does she have to do to win?
Jason: She has to sing lights out and Phil's Kidney pops out onstage and does a Michigan J. Frog-styled routine. (rumored surgery)
Gordon: I'd vote 5 extra times to see his kidney perform and sing some Guns 'N' Roses, because that would be much more interesting than whatever Jessica sings.
Chico: So basically, Jessica has to do something that she's NEVER done before. Be interesting, instead of robo-pop-star.
Gordon: Robo-Sanchez.
Jason: Which even if she does it wont matter. Phil is the horny teen girl vote...GAME OVER.
Chico: Dead or alive, your kidney is coming with me.
Gordon: And the Million Dollar check goes to Kim.



Chico: As we broke last week Kim Spradlin won Survivor this season.
Gordon: Sure, the season was boring, but a boring season usually means that the ringleader played a fantastic game.
Chico: And seriously, I didn't see how she could NOT have won it.
Jason: Exactly. She played the perfect game.
Gordon: She played a great game. She lost 2 spite votes to Sabrina from the guys, but the women all voted for her, and that says a lot.
Chico: Let's go to the final tally. Kim got votes from Christina, Alicia, Tarzan, Kat, Jay, Michael, and Jonas. Sabrina got votes from Troyzan and Leif and like G said, spite votes. Chelsea... Hi, how are ya?
Chico: And again, the only two people to vote against Kim... were the only two people to vote against Kim during the course of the game.
Chico: So I ask again, was there any way Kim could NOT have won this?
Jason: Nope.
Gordon: Yes. If she didn't win immunity. One of the reasons why she won was they couldn't get rid of her even if they wanted to.
Chico: True.
Jason: Yes to the immunity thing. She made you believe everything and if you were the cow, she would have made the cow happy as they were going to the slaughter.
Chico: So yeah, it was a boring season, but the most deserving player wins the check, so... Kim... you get Gordon's championship trophy!
Gordon: No. Mine. (Stares at Chico)
Chico: ... Kidding! You get this...



Gordon: I would place her in the Top 5 in terms of game play, along with Brian Heidik, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Tom Wiseman and Richard Hatch.
Chico: Agreed. For those who don't know, next season, Survivor Philippines will take three previously medevaced contestants and bring them back.
Jason: So what do you think of the new twist?
Chico: Pretty interesting to see who'll come back. What do you wanna bet that Colton is one of them?
Gordon: I bet he is (hence the theme), I'd like the other 2 to be Russell Swan and Michael Skupin.
Chico: I'll also go with Michael Skupin and Russell Swan. So that's Survivor. Next, Survivor: Washington.



Chico: So Power Players Week on Jeopardy!... I'm guessing they saved all the power for Friday, because that was the only match worth its billing.
Jason: Pretty much I was bored for most of it.
Gordon: Let's see...blow out...blow out....blow out...blow out...one relevant Final Jeopardy Question that actually meant something to the game.
Chico: You want to hear it?
Jason: Sure.
Chico: The match was between Anderson Cooper (who was trained by Bob Harris, mind you), Kelly O'Donnell, and Thomas L. Friedman. The category: Inventors.

The National Inventors Hall of Fame said his work "brought the South prosperity", but he was out of business within 5 years.

Chico: Jason?
Jason: Who is Eli Whitney (inventor of the Cotton Gin)
Chico: Or as Anderson said, "Who invented the cotton gin." Gordon?
Gordon: Who was that guy who created Chi-Chis?
Chico: YES!
Gordon: Poor Chi-Chis. We'll miss you.
Chico: The local Chi-Chis is a Chinese now. but yeah, Jason's right and so is Anderson... sort of. But yeah, did it seem like this week was a bit of a letdown?
Gordon: Not much power. You know what was an old dirty trick that game shows did?
Chico: Tell me.
Gordon: When you saw the auditions and gauged the contestants, you tried to put the contestants with similar skill levels against each other.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Hence you put the good people against each other and the bad contestants against each other. The better players may not necessarily win, but you would get exciting games instead of blowouts.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: I was sort of hoping Jeopardy would do the same here, but as Chico and I correctly predicted, the matches were lopsided. I think you needed to put the news reporters against each other and the celebrities against each other.
Chico: And Kareem Abdul Jabbar needs to stick to being a very tall person.
Gordon: He was a train wreck the first time he was on. I don't know why you would think he would be different now.
Chico: Said the same thing about Chris Matthews.
Gordon: But at least he put himself in a position to win. Kareem put himself in the position of bench warmer.
Chico: Right. So now we know why there are only THREE of these. Next week, back to regular games.
Jason: Praise be to that.
Gordon: Meanwhile, Maria Menounos's position will be getting water for Kareem Abdul Jabbar while he's warming the bench.
Jason: DAMN.



Chico: The story of the week on Dancing... Katherine Jenkins pulling something that under normal circumstances would never be pulled.
Gordon: It was something that dropped her to last - but unlike Maria, she has a fan base. Maria, on the other hand, had the highest score from the judges, but was sent packing because of lack of said fan base.
Chico: So that gives us Donald Driver, Katherine Jenkins, and William Levy. One's big with sports fans. One's big with telenovela fans. One's big with popera fans and Whovians. What WHAT. So let's play another round of Who Wins If, shall we?

Gordon: As much as I like Whovians (as I am one), I'm hitching my pony on the persn who I thought was going to win since day #1, and that would be Donald Driver.
Jason: Sure.
Gordon: If Donald doesn't finish in third with the judges, he wins.
Jason: Gordon is right. But William Levy is going to take it.
Chico: Do the work, Jason.
Jason: Number one...hot guy. Number two...judges like him. WINNER.
Gordon: I'm feeling a lot better with my choice since Jason said William Levy. What say Chico?
Chico: Okay... Jason says William because of the hot guy factor. Gordon says Donald because America likes a football hero.
Gordon: Well the tough thing here is that Jason isn't wrong. The girls will vote for the hot soap opera guy (hence why I'm not betting the sushi dinner on it), however, I just think the NFL, which has never been hotter, is more powerful than Telenovelas.
Chico: I GOT YOU BOTH BEAT. I say Katherine wins because not only is she skilled as the other two, she plays to the show's rapidly aging female audience.
Gordon: Not. A. Chance.
Chico: DWTS as popular a show as it is is one of the oldest skewing shows on TV right now. That has to translate to votes in order for Katherine to stand a chance.
Gordon: It does skew old. All 3 acts skew old. Driver is the only one that also skew young.
Chico: Besides that... Mark Ballas is a champ maker.
Gordon: Seriously, you don't vote for Mark Ballas.
Chico: So a case can be made for any of the three. And all three of us have our favorites.
Jason: Which is going to make for an interesting final
Chico: Can't wait for that.
Gordon: How scary is it that I actually like Jason's pick more than I like Chico's pick?
Chico: Who'll be laughing if Katherine wins? I think that'll be me.
Gordon: Were you laughing at Around the World in 80 Plates?
Chico: I could be. Of course, you'd find it funny too if you remember that the last time Curtis Stone and Cat Cora were in the same room together, they were about to have at each other in Kitchen Stadium. Here's the premise. Imagine Top Chef if it were The Amazing Race.
Jason: And also add Survivor Tribal Council
Chico: And a hint of No Kitchen Required.
Gordon: First you have to navigate through a country and complete a task. The winning team gets an advantage on the elimination meal. The losing team during that meal loses a chef. The elimination meal requires teams to recreate a dish served during the task.
Chico: Two teams of chefs travel around the world, learn a different cuisine, culture, and custom, and they have to interpret that into a dish.
Jason: Like Pub Food in London.
Chico: Or a Kahlua pig.
Jason: The production is GORGEOUS.
Chico: The production is indeed lavish.
Gordon: The production values are spectacular.
Chico: And everything about it is relevant.
Gordon: Relevant - and in this case, also original, which as you know, I always go after a show on. The combinations of this show work, for the most part.
Chico: Right. You can't just rehash tried concepts and hope for the best. You have to elevate them somehow. And this show does that. And I have to say about Curtis and Cat, you know them. You've seen them. They have a charisma about them.
Gordon: However, the show does something that I despise.
Jason: Which is?
Gordon: How do we eliminate contestants?
Jason: With the voting of other team members
Gordon: Last time I checked, this is a show based on talent, not social games.
Chico: Which I don't get.
Jason: Exactly.
Chico: I mean, why do this? Why go THERE? I mean, in the best of productions, everything has a purpose. What is the purpose of this?
Gordon: If anything, this is saying 'I better not cook to well, because I'll be a threat and then get voted out on the first opportunity'.
Chico: And yes, you do despise that. Vehemently. I can be a mediocre cook and STILL WIN!
Gordon: That's a massive, massive, no-no. In a social game, where you need to make alliances, this is acceptable. However, in a talent show, being put in a game where you can't do too well on your talent is a massive error.
Chico: But this is not a social game. This is talent.
Jason: Which brings my grade down.

	AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 PLATES Bravo - Wednesdays 10p ET
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	D+	C-	D	D+

Chico: Mine as well. This could've been an A show.
Gordon: It plunges my grade from A-...to D+. Sorry.
Jason: Gordon is right...B+ Front Game...F final vote = D for me. This could have been SUPERB.
Chico: I'm going to drop it from an A to a C-. I mean, you committed a big error.
Gordon: This had MAJOR potential to be a great new show. If you made it so that the locals decide who leaves, this would have gotten an A from me.
Chico: But they make one error and it happens to be the kiss of death. And the hamsters have given their verdict... Jason, can you clean up that verdict, please.
Jason: UGH (gets broom and pan and starts to clean)
Gordon: Roll that beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: We've got a big week ahead. Gordon, the datebook please.
Gordon: Only 3 shows, but they are big ones.

Monday has Hip Hop Squares, while Wednesday, after Idol, has So You Think You Can Dance. Thursday has Duets.

Chico: That's gonna be a good show, Hip Hop Squares. I can hear fanboys whining about how they're not really squares and how the show'll be too risqué for television... HAVE YOU PAID ATTENTION TO HOLLYWOOD SQUARES OVER THE LAST 40 YEARS? That's some nasty (^_^)!
Jason: Its going to rock hard.
Gordon: Hollywood Squares has always pressed the envelope, between Paul Lynde and Whoopi Goldberg, etc. If you think that Hip Hop Squares takes it too far, then you really haven't been studying the history of Hollywood Squares.
Chico: Correct. Rather...I AGREE.
Jason: Circle gets the square :-)
Chico: Gonna be a good show.
Gordon: Just like this is a good bat (Gives Chico a bat)
Chico: Hell yeah. Although I could take this bat with a side of Haterade.

Back to the Survivor finale, which was watched by 10.22 million viewers, making it the lowest rated Survivor finale. EVER.

Chico: Still decent for two hours of television, but it was bested by the Desperate Housewives series finale.
Gordon: CBS will still take that number.
Chico: Oh yeah. They'll take it and like it. Meanwhile, we finally have a date for Figure It Out 2012:

June 11. YOU WILL WATCH.

Jason: (marks down June 11th).
Chico: Good man
Jason: Thank you.
Gordon: That's good. This is...actually good too. Sort of.
Chico: yeah, you have to say SORT OF.
Gordon: No Whiteboards needed this week.
Chico: Well that's good...

Are YOU Smarter than...a Nerd? King of the Nerds it going to be coming to your TV set. Go to Reality Wanted if you think you can beat a nerd - or audition to be a nerd and kick the living snot out of these low-life civilian plebes.

Chico: Where ya at nerds?
Jason: You have to be 18-30
Chico: So all three of us are out.
Gordon: Cause we're old farts.
Jason: yeah
Chico: With a combined age of 100something.
Gordon: And in 100 years, we'll be like them



Chico: Yo.
Jason: Hi Augustus and friends!

Last week, we started telling you about shows who have hit the great hereafter, thanks to the upfronts. here are more of them. The Sing-Off, Million Dollar Mind Game, You Deserve It, Q'Viva! and The Marriage Ref.

Chico: Shame about the Sing-Off. It deserved more than to go up against How I Met Your Dancing Mother. I mean, you put it on in the summer... it works.
Gordon: Gee, I seem to remember telling NBC to NOT put it up in the Fall.
Jason: You did, G. You were right.
Gordon: Million Dollar Mind Game never got a chance to shine. ABC should have at least given it a Summer shot.
Jason: MDMG was given WAY short shrift
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: And of course... Lee...I'm sorry for Minute To Win It.
Chico: We'll have more about the upfronts later in the 6 Things We Think You Should Know. But right now, let's get loaded.
Jason: Hic
Chico: Now if you are like me, you have an iPhone that you can't possibly live without.
Gordon: I have G3.
Jason: I have my android

Well now you have a new game for it. From the makers of Family Feud & Friends comes Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?... and Friends.

Gordon: This sort of looks similar to the Facebook version
Chico: It's like the Facebook game. You play with your friends as cheats. You can challenge them to high score battles. Collect bonuses, trophies, etc. It's absolutely free. Available at the App Store. And if you're like me, a really big fan of AYSTA5G, it's worth a go.
Jason: Ok
Chico: But wait! There's more! Gordon bowls... I sing... Jason ... I'm sure he has a talent somewhere.

We can go to youtube.com/agt and submit our videos for the Snapple YouTube show. You should do the same. It happened to Jackie Evancho, it can happen to you.

Gordon: And we can all be Media Hoes
Chico: (plays Luda)

In this weeks Media Ho Report, Meredith Vieira goes Vegan, Melanie Amaro is on a diet, Ryan Seacrest and Ellen Degeneres combine for a land purchase, with Ryan buying Ellen's old place...John Legend goes after Britney and Demi, J-Lo may - or may not - be leaving American Idol, William Levy may be foreclosed (hence why we see him on a DWTS show)...Jenna Morasca gets her masters, Betty White gets Roasted, and So You Think You Can Dance is crowning TWO 9th season winners - a man and woman.

Gordon: But none of them is your ho of the week.
Chico: Who've you got this week?
Gordon: I got Jenny McCarthy. The Singled Out hostess is posing naked in Playboy. Again.
Jason: Been there...seen that.
Chico: Do not want.
Gordon: I want.
Chico: Gordon, you know what's hotter than the woman you've seen naked? Her okay-looking best friend. Because "new is always better."
Jason: :-)
Gordon: What are the chances I'll have Jenny McCarthy naked with me in bed. Ever? In my lifetime?
Chico: On par with the chances of Jessica Sanchez winning American Idol. Yeah. I went there.
Gordon: Hence, if I can't have it, I'll take the next best thing and fantasize about it.
Chico: Got me there.
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Okay, let's take one more road trip.
Jason: I hope we are going to the UK.
Chico: Brad Rutter is going to the UK.

Or rather, he's BEEN to the UK. But instead of wanting to win cash money, he wants to keep YOU from winning cash money. That's because he and Mark Labbett are tapped as Chasers for the US pilot of "The Chase". Bradley Walsh (Law & Order UK, The Chase UK) hosted.

Jason: YES YES YES!
Chico: Also out of the UK... Monster returns for Blockbusters.
Jason: OMG...seek it out on Youtube
Jason: Should I give a link to the first episode?
Chico: NO! You want to get us in trouble, man?
Jason: NO NO
Gordon: BUT
Chico: But?
Gordon: Here is a link to the UK version of The Chase. You can see how good of a show it is before they muck it up in the U.S.
Jason: right.
Gordon: And yes, there is a UK Show that I actually LIKE. (actually I like a bunch of them, like Countdown and Only Connect, but I get lots of hatemail from people who can't believe I hated Million Dollar money Suck)
Jason: lol

	ALL-NEW BLOCKBUSTERS Challenge - Weeknights 8p UKT
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	B+	A	A+	A-

Chico: ... How about a quick Review of Block Busters, since we've all seen it. I'll have an A, Simon.
Gordon: It's prettier, the prizes are cooler and they didn't screw anything up. Works for me. B+.
Jason: Blockbusters is an A+
Gordon: Don't hate me, but of the 2 shows, I like The Chase UK better. This show completely works. The Chasers are excellent, the format is great and the host really makes the show work.
Chico: Well, my favorite quizzer of all time is Blockbusters, I think it's the oldest game show I remember watching.
Gordon: The Chase takes a ton of things that work and incorporates them into a great hour show. This show, for me gets an A. I REALLY hope FOX doesn't muck it up.
Chico: The Chase also gets an A for me. I really hope Fox does it justice. So as I shut down the Choppler for another week... *fobs*... We're going to break. Still to come, the upfronts are over, so what have we learned? It's the Six Things We Think You Should Know. But what's coming up after the break, Gordon?
Gordon: After the break we give you things we think need remodeling. You're reading WLTi. you give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 cultures we want to see people make food from.
Chico: Like Maori.
Gordon: Or Japan, Or The Philippines. I want to see what they do with balut.
Jason: DUCK EGGS. Yum.
Chico: You and your balut.

(Brainvision is presented by Balut Loops. So full of vitamins and nutrients, you'll find it hard to believe it came from a half-hatched duck egg. Stays soggy in milk.)

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