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Episode 29.12 - The Escape
Clause
April 9
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and...I see hoes.
Jason: We aren't in Brainvision yet. We just started.
Chico: Must be one of those weeks.
Gordon: There are so mamy hoes that I feel like a farmer.
Chico: And we're going to go over all of them, aren't we?
Jason: Like the manager of home Depot?
Chico: Rotate the stock as it were... okay, that just sounds dirty.
Jason: Yeah thats pretty bad
Gordon: More like Hoes Depot
Chico: Well, we'll do more with what we have in a moment, because from somewhere
in America... WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: WHOO HOO
Chico: Alongside the usual suspects, Gordon Pepper and our friend Jason Block,
I'm Chico Alexander riding with ya, thanks for riding with us. We got a lot to
show off for ya, sol et's get it started with a new show. Remember how once upon
a time we said that Saturday was a golden opportunity for game shows?
Jason: yes....of course
Chico: Well, NBC and Fox took us up on that offer...AAAAAAAANd.... everything
they had on it sucked out loud.
Jason: Holy smoke...there are so many things wrong with Escape Routes.
Chico: Well, let's go over the show before we go over the particulars. Created
by the same team that brought you Amazing Race (surprisingly), the show features
six teams on the ultimate road trip. Six team of two... real world challenge,
and all in a 2013 Ford Escape. And Rossi Morreale hosts, with love and hugs and
all that.
Jason: The only thing I like about the show that it is as NOW as possible
without it being Big Brother - taped the week before it airs.
Chico: They're playing it as we're watching it.
Gordon: Well there's another big thing
Chico: What would be the other big thing?
Gordon: It's sponsored by Ford. And I mean Sponsored, as in one big infomercial
Chico: I was going to get to that. Apparently the point of the show is to show
off all the things you can do in a Ford Escape.
Gordon: This was an informercial with a game show attached.
Chico: Now if I can get a picture of one.
Gordon: Yes. Complete with 'kick stand thingy'
Chico: This... is a car. From where I'm sitting, it serves one purpose. Get me from point A to
point B.
Gordon: Now I do drive a Ford, and I have to say I like the drive.
Jason: This makes Expedition Impossible look subtle.
Gordon: So let's start with The Bad, which would be almost everything with the
show. It's a clone with a very weak game format and Rossi Morreale being his
usual bland brick-like self.
Jason: Bingo.
Chico: Sad to say that your lasting legacy to the genre is "Temptation". It
REALLY IS.
Gordon: Temptation and this flat tire of a vehicle. HOWEVER, these IS good in
this. And I'm being serious.
Chico: That's good. I know it's good. Because it's been done before
Jason: I happen to agree...but its not the format
Gordon: Format would not be one of the good things
Jason: Its the social media/interactivity thing Am I right, G?
Gordon: Sort of. This...is the future of game shows.
Jason: WHAT?
Gordon: A show that's sponsored by a company and that uses social media to hype
it's product. The Apprentice already does this. And I knew it's only a matter of
time until a company does it and makes it it's own.
Jason: Yes but they don't hit you over the head THIS BAD.
Gordon: Eventually, a producer will figure out how to temper the gameplay so it
fits seamlessly with the product.
Chico: Who remembers Stoppette. Poof, there goes perspiration. Their legacy?
Sponsoring "What's My Line?" And Geritol? "Twenty One."
Gordon: But back then, they were known for the show
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Big Board please?
Name That Sponsor!
- Stopette
- Geritol
- Coke
- Ford
- Caesars Entertainment
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Gordon: The Subject: Name That Sponsor / Show. I'll give you a product, you tell
me what they were connected to. Or vice versa
Jason: OK
Gordon: We already have Stoppette and Geritol. What about the Las Vegas Hilton?
Jason: Let's Make A Deal
Chico: Las Vegas Gambit
Gordon: Either one or both...Caesar's Palace
Chico: Caesar says... STOP!
Jason: Caesar's Challenge
Chico: Caesars Challenge.
Gordon: Yes. When I say American Idol, what soft drink do we think about?
Jason: Faygo :-)
Gordon: Hardy har har. Seriously.
Jason: Coca-Cola
Gordon: The Coca Cola cups. And the car, or course, is...
Jason: Ford
Gordon: So you can't tell me that the advertisers don't get their money's worth
here.
Jason: We never said that.
Gordon: Advertising is power. This WILL be the future of game shows, and once a
producer can seal everything so that it works, look out.
Chico: Right.
Jason: Can I tell you the show that does it the best?
Chico: Tell us the show that does it best.
Jason: Wheel. Of. Fortune. You have a sponsor for the Jackpot Round every week.
Kia is the car sponsor every week for the 1/2 Kia Wedge. You have different gift
tag sponsors.
Chico: And the Maxwell House/Feeding America bit from last season.
Jason: and sometimes movies will sponsor a prize on the wheel or the trip in the
prize puzzle. It's SUBTLE. But it works.
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ESCAPE ROUTES
NBC - Saturdays 8p ET |
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GORDON |
CHICO |
JASON |
AVERAGE-O-MATIC |
| D- |
D- |
D- |
D- |
Chico: So the good... social interaction with social media. The bad...
everything else interacting with everything else. I'm going to go D-
Jason: It's a D-
Gordon: D- it is. A for the concept, but an F for execution.
Chico: It's all in the execution. Speaking of, we have another traveling show.
This time, chefs travel the globe and compete against each other in BBC
America's original series, No Kitchen Required. Original being the operative
word.
Jason: See here's the thing with this show...I think the cooking is sort of a
secondary thing. This is a culture show mixed in with a game show, you dig?
Chico: An anthropology class if you will. And the students: Kayne Raymond,
Madison Cowan, and Michael Psilakis. All accomplishes chefs.
Jason: Sort of National Geographic meets Extreme Chef meets Survivor. And it
works.
Chico: Yes it does. There's no one part that overshadows the others. And the
guys know what they signed up for.
Gordon: They do, and it's fun to see.
Chico: And everything you see is relevant. there's no part that just sticks out
like a sore thumb. That's the earmark of a well-produced reality sereis.
Jason: See this does come in the same vein as "Unchained Reaction". No real
"winning" but the winning is the journey.
Chico: Correct.
Gordon: Yeah. but I prefer winning
Jason: I do too.
Gordon: I don't know how much of a 'game' this is , per se.
Jason: This isn't one.
Chico: It's a gentleman's competition, but not a game per se.
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NO KITCHEN REQUIRED
BBC America - Tuesday 10p ET |
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GORDON |
CHICO |
JASON |
AVERAGE-O-MATIC |
| C+ |
B |
B- |
B- |
Gordon: Hence, I have to downgrade it. It's a great 'show' per se, but a game?
notsomuch. C+
Chico: I'm not going to be as hard on it as you are, so... B.
Jason: I'll split the difference...B-. I wish there was more game and less show.
But what we have is pretty good.
Chico: Right. Speaking of games and shows, once every few years a confluence of
shows come together at the same time, and we can't cover them separately, so we
just throw them in an arena to recap what happened. This is the result as we
cover the Voice, American Idol, and Dancing with the Stars in a single segment
that we're calling... in a deep voice...
Jason: WOW! That's low.
Chico: Let's start with American Idol and Deandre.
Gordon: What we had was a very mediocre Deandre on Wednesday, so he goes out the
door on Thursday.
Jason: The Gordon Rule came into effect
Chico: Now we're all in agreement that he was one of the worst, but not THE
worst.
Jason: As both Chico and I nailed the bottom three of Hollie, Elise and Deandre
Chico: I had, in order of worst to best, Hollie, Deandre, and Elise. America
had.... Deandre, Elise, and Hollie. Apparently Hollie was SO BAD...
Jason: And Elise was SO BAD...
Chico: That people who tune in and feel sorry for her vote for her. Deandre
didn't even bother showing up one way or the other.
Jason: Deandre to me was so whisper light in his voice and presence
that...well...you know
Chico: So there's the result of that one.
Gordon: This goes back to the chaos theory. Sing good, you're good. Sing bad, the
public will come rescue you. Sing bland and forgettable - your'e gone.
Chico: And the split in the panel means that perhaps he WASN'T the one who
deserved to go home.
Jason: Yeah.
Chico: Same can be applied to the Voice. Where we saw two sing-offs for survival
on Team Christina and Team Blake. For Blake's team, it was Naia Kete vs.
Charlotte Sometimes vs. Jordis Unga. Blake chose Jordis to stick around. I'm not
going to call shenanigans. She sang "Wild Horses", song suited to her. She gets
another chance.
Gordon: Well you remember last season, where the audiences made their minds up
and never changed?
Chico: Yeah.
Gordon: I see history repeating itself here
Chico: Looking like it. Christina had to choose between Ashley De La Rosa, Sera
hill, and Moses Stone. She went with Ashely, who sang, yet another song suited
to her, "Paris (Ooh La La)" by Grace Potter & the Nocturnals.
Gordon: So the singing hoes that have been on tv before still have a shot. Lets
go to the dancing hoes.
Chico: Remember when we said Jack Wagner had a shot because of the soap opera
audience? And that audience watching this show?
Jason: Right....
Chico: ... Didn't work.
Jason: He had the Hasselhoff problem. Couldn't dance and no fanbase.
Chico: Nope. And the fact that he was tied with four other couples that HAD
votes didn't help.
Gordon: No it didn't. You knew he was in trouble when he was in the bottom
Chico: He tied with Hat-Wearing-Singer, TV-Movie-Queen, Legendary-Soul-Singer,
and Corporate-service-host, with top marks going once again for the third week
in a row to Frozen-Chick-From-Doctor-Who. What does THAT tell you?
Gordon: Frozen chick better stay up there.
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Cause frozen chick is going to have issues if she falls into the bottom.
Chico: because she doesn't yet have the fanbase locked.
Gordon: Or not, because next week, the judges will be able to vote and save the
public from themselves. What's your thoughts on this?
Chico: Kinda games the system a bit.
Gordon: it prevents the shocking upset, but also invalidates the voting process.
I don't like this and never have, but it will keep a bristol palin, per se, away
from winning it.
Jason: Unfortunately yes.
Gordon: If the point of the show is for the audience to select, then let them
select.
Chico: So would you select a physical threat or an annoying little pissant?
Gordon: Id select the female, because the guys are in deep, deep, doo doo.
Chico: Well, it wasn't a girl, but a guy being annoying.
Gordon: No, but it should have been a girl, for the guys sake
Chico: Getting votes this go around... Tarzan, Christina, and Michael. Let's go
over these three. Tarzan is starting to grate the nerves of the tribe,
especially Chelsea, to whom he made the inference that she has a thing against
plastic surgeons because of her breast implants. Christina... bottom of the
totem pole. Has been since the game began.And Michael... well, he was just in
the wrong play at the wrong time, when the women decide to take the men out
piece by piece.
Gordon: Christina needs to align with the guys and switch. Quickly. Otherwise
she and the guys are going to be pagonged. Meanwhile, Kim is playing a great
game.
Jason: Kim played a trump card that was total BS and it worked. She was at the
oasis and played a card against Mike with Troyzan...worked brilliantly.
Chico: I'd have to say so.
Jason: For two reasons - a) one, Kim's play was smart and b) the men are dopes.
Chico: And this is as good a game from a social Darwinist POV than ever. You
take Christina, who's weak... Kat, who's dumb... and put them together with the
strong Sabrina and smart Kim... it's a complement.
Gordon: And the best part for Kim - she's not making anyone mad at her.
Chico: Playing this well under the radar...
Jason: This is, if successful, one of the best games of all time.
Chico: Another one of the best plays of all time... a rare Triple Double on
Jeopardy!. Triple Double is just as it implies. Three Daily Doubles, and players
go all in and win on all of them.
Gordon: We've seen it happen before in more important matches (Tournament of
Champions anyone?), but it's still impressive to see.
Chico: Let's go back to Wednesday's match. Joey Falco, with $3999, defends
against Jesse Tow and Michael Tvaruzka. The first Daily Double was in Beggars
Can't Be Boozers. The clue...
This film director & winery owner is said to have kept the empty bottle of a
$24,000 1941 cabernet atop his refrigerator.
Chico: Jason?
Jason: Who is Francis Ford Coppola (and I have had his wine...very tasty)
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: Who is Steven Spielsberg's agent, who may have drank the whole thing
down in one shot after his movie 1941 debuted.
Chico: Jason's right. Gordon's... just twisted. Next is Mapmaking...
Greenland is much smaller than South America, but scale is distorted on this
type of map named for a 16th Century Fleming, so the farther away from the
equator you get, the larger the distortion.
Chico: Jason?
Jason: Who is Mercator
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: What is the Lindsay Lohan beer pong post 5 drink map?
Jason: Not bad.
Chico: She's not Flemish, is she?
Jason: Heh.
Chico: Okay one more time...This is in Movie Prologues.
"The winter of 180 AD, Emperor Marcus Aurelius' twelve-year campaign against the
Barbarian tribes in Germania..."
Jason: What is Gladiator?
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: What is Thundarr's 13? (featuring Ariel, Ookla and 10 other characters
we won't care about until later)
Chico: That's the second week in a row we did a Thundarr the Barbarian joke.
That's gotta be some kinda record.
Gordon: There's only one Thundarr.
Chico: And there's only one Choppler...And all of our friends are running it
watching Joey lose his fourth game. Sad really... but alas, the show continues.
Gordon: it does. So sad. Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage
 (Doug:
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your
frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico
Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Gordon: And we start with a Datebook
 Wednesday April 11th gives us the return of Fanny Pak (and other teams) in
America's Best Dance Crew.
Chico: There's another event going on this week. And it involves TPIR.
Jason: And Publisher's Clearing House
Chico: Imagine Plinko being played EVERY DAY. And imagine one person playing it
on Friday for $100,000. Here's how Super Plinko Week will work. We play Plinko
as normal, but if the final chip lands in the $10,000 slot, Publishers Clearing
House will double it to $20,000. If not, it rolls over to the next day, and the
next day... and the next day. So if no one hits the $10K on the last chip by
Friday, someone could play for $100,000.
Jason: Which is gimmicky to say the least.
Chico: Probably best suited to sweeps, but as a trial run, let's see how it
goes. Meanwhile, we've got a few more shows in the offing for sumemr...
 ABC has set its summer plans in motion with the return of Wipeout, The
Bachelorette, and Bachelor Pad, and new entries Duets and Trust Us With Your
Life (from the creators of Whose Line, and hosted by Fred Willard)...
Chico: Meanwhile, Fox has set a go date for their version of "Take Me Out"...
June 7
Gordon: You left out my new favorite show....TOP HOOKER!
Jason: Say what?
Chico: And there's one more show... yeah, what G said.
Jason: As in lady of the evening?
Gordon: Alas, no. They are looking for the best Angler.
Jason: AH!
Chico: When Gordon brought this up to me before, I was like "it's either whores
or Rugby". Turns out I was wrong on both accounts
Jason: which network?
Gordon: Fishing Channel Who's up for some more wrong?
Jason: I am! (Wheels in Smartboard)
 Are YOU Smarter than...the American Idol producers, for allowing their kids to
live in a mansion...that used to be the site for a Playboy TV show.
Jason: That was a kick ass house
Chico: It was basically a reality show that was one giant orgy. No seriously,
that was the pitch.
Gordon: Swing
Jason: Did they scotchgard it before the kids came in?
Chico: Dunno.
Gordon: I really hope they did. Or they could be telling something about their
current crop of Idol contestants.
Jason: But that is a nice house.
Chico: It's a nice house. Now for something not as nice.
Gordon: It is. What about some Haterade?
Jason: (drops down my cup) is that big enough?
Gordon: Yeah.
Chico: (Brings out his big honking coffee mug)
Jason: DAMN SON.
 This week, Aubrey O Day walks out of The Celebrity Apprentice. That may have
something to do with Arsenio Hall calling her a whore and a stank ass.
Chico: ... all of a sudden I'm not convinced that this coffee mug is enough.
Jason: Truth hurts?
Chico: A little.
Gordon: it does. Aubrey needs to get fully loaded
Jason: HIC
 TPIR Slots is now live on Facebook
Gordon: It's a really fun extension of The Price is Right brand.
Chico: It's been going through beta testing and now that all the bugs are worked
out. it's addictive.
Jason: Oh yeah
Chico: Also addictive, talking about Media Hoes.
Gordon: It is. And I got some.
Chico: (Plays Luda)
 In this week's Media Ho Report, Tori
Spelling hosts Craft Wars, Hip Hop Squares
goes on a contestant search, Kris Allen will debut his new single...
Gordon: You know, I thought I saw Kris Allen's picture on a milk carton.
Jason: So did I. Next to Lee Dewyze
Chico: Ba dum TISH
Daughtry gets sued by his bandmates, Mark Burnett teams with Dick Wolf, Jerry
Springer does The Price Is Right Live...The situation is out of rehab, Ryan
Seacrest will covert the London Olympics, and Kim Kardashian, swore off
men...for 5 days until she was cazught dating Kanye West.
Chico: I ain't sayin' she a gold digger... actually, that's exactly what I'm
sayin'.
Gordon: But none of them are the Hoes of the week.
Jason: Hoes?
Gordon: Hoes - and they're real queens.
Chico: Oh god.
Jason: Oh no.
Gordon: Just because we don't have enough all stars, we have an All-Star version
of...RuPauls Drag Race. Really?
Chico: Go figure.
Gordon: With ratings comes unneeded sequels
Chico: That's usually how it goes.
Gordon: and those..are your hoes
Chico: And this is a trip to Cannes.
Jason: Oui.
 Projects to come from MIP this week include "1001 Things You Should Know" from
FremantleMedia, "Oblivious, True Talent, and Sing if You Can from Zodiak. We
have Body & Brain from Sevenone International. And also from Fremantle, Little
Goliaths, The Boxing Globe, Blockbusters, Man-O-Man, and Card Sharks.
Jason: Blockbusters needs to come back here to the US
Chico: It really does.
Gordon: As for Card Sharks, can we get the non-2001 version please?
Chico: Thank you. And that's Brainvision. Shut'er down.
Jason: SHUTTING DOWN
Chico: Still to come, greeting cards for the cool holiday weekend, but first....
Gordon... here's your papaya hat!
Chico: He's got a PhD in pain and he's not afraid to use it.
Gordon: Dr. Pepper coming up in 5. you're reading WLTi. you give us 22 minutes
and we'll give you 22 product placements ads we cleverly hidden in our show...if
we had any sponsors.
Chico: Found one.
Jason: Oh?
(BrainVision has been brought to you by The U.S. Government Slot Machine. See if
you can balance the budget better than the Government can - which shouldn't be
too hard.)
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