Episode 29.1 - Two Not-Broke Men
January 9

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and as someone who was a member of Occupy: Times Square: New Years Eve, I would like to wish everyone a wonderful welcome to 2012!
Jason: Hey! You made it! :)
Chico: And he didn't get arrested!
Jason: I am impressed :)
Chico: I'm surprised! Actually, I'm Chico Alexander... and from somewhere in 2012.... WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: WOO HOO! (blows 2012 Noisemaker)
Chico: Welcome to the first show of the new year, and the first show of the new season, and the ... Hmm... 295th show with our friend Jason Block on deck. Welcome, Jason.
Jason: Happy New Year. Always nice to be here.
Chico: And to you too, sir. One thing that never changes is that we've got a lot to go over so let's not waste any time. While we were out, we went through two really big runs on J! So it's only fitting we start with...



Chico: Though that name could hardly describe one of them.
Jason: OH NO. These two were both lucky and good.
Gordon: I agree with Jason. To be a champion on Jeopardy!, maybe some luck does come into play, but you have to be good enough to get yourself into that situation.
Chico: I'll leave it to you to decide which. Last week, one J! megachamp was undone by another one. Now history tells that you won't last long if you do so. Don't tell that to Dave Leach. He beat up on Jason Keller something crazy prior to New Year's.
Jason: Jason Keller left with about $212,000 over 10 days
Chico: Correct. He just had a really bad front game, Jason did. Dave, on the other hand, had a really good front game. Remember, this is the 12/29 game. Jason, coming into it with $212K and change, has $8800 to Dave's $19,000. There was a third player with $11,200, but let's focus on these two. Now this is going into the final. Jason's got to gun it. Dave only has to do so much. He wins if he bets $3401 and is correct. Jason had to do a lot more than Dave had to do... and he couldn't close. In fact, nobody closed on Thursday. The clue, gents, is in Contemporary American Writers.
Jason: OK

Concluding a 4-book series, his 2004 novel "Folly and Glory" features Kit Carson, William Clark & Jim Bowie

Jason: Who is Larry McMurtry?
Chico: Ah, you're thinking prominent western writer.
Jason: Yes. :)
Chico: Gordon... I bet he's thinking evil.
Gordon: Who is Jim Beam?
Chico: That WOULD be evil...but Jason's correct.
Jason: :)
Chico: He's probably the only one, though. Dave bet JUST ENOUGH. Played it book way. Jennifer and Jason didn't. But in the end, Dave picks up the W. One run ends, another begins.
Gordon: And the run continues for 4 days. But before we go to Friday, let's go to Tuesday, January 3rd.
Chico: Jason vs. Nicholas?
Gordon: Yah
Chico: Okay. Because this is relevant to Friday's game, too.
Gordon: And here's where I want to play a little Devil's Advocate. Chico, set up the stage.
Chico: Okay, Dave has $6,100 going into the final, exactly half of Nicholas Campiz' total, $12,200.
Jason: Two bets...0 to tie...or 1 to win
Gordon: Jason, you're Nicholas Campiz. Now you know we almost ALWAYS say in this situation that if you're the person in front, you bet NOTHING.
Jason: Most of the time.
Chico: That's what the book says.
Gordon: HOWEVER, in this case, you have the opportunity to rid yourself of a 4-time Jeopardy champion who is certainly having a bad day and who could turn you into mulch the next day.
Jason: That means you bet $1
Chico: If memory serves, Dave was 0-for-the-world in FJ! prior to this.
Gordon: It's almost like David Madden has $6,000 and you have $12,000. Do you bet the $1 to try to get rid of him?
Jason: I would.
Gordon: Do you really want to see him, or a Ken Jennings, etc. again?
Jason: Its sort of like going for the extra point for the tie or the 2 point conversion to win.
Gordon: Of course, if you're wrong and he bets it all, you're losing $10,000 that should be yours.
Chico: It all hinges on one key question.
Gordon: The question being - how likely are you to beat this team in overtime?
Chico: How long do you intend on fighting this guy?
Gordon: Dave has to bet it all
Chico: Of course, if you risk zero, you're coming back tomorrow no matter what. BUT is Dave the kind of person you want to go up against AGAIN?
Gordon: Right. So you're Nicholas. You see the situation. What's your wager?
Jason: For me...win or go home. $1. Force him to get it right.
Chico: So Jason would play to win.
Jason: I would.
Gordon: WWCD?
Chico: Now this is before the clue is revealed. I know that no matter what happens, I come back tomorrow if I bet nothing. If I bet a dollar and lose, I'm going home with $2000 instead of $12,000.
Gordon: Right
Chico: I'd play book way, bet nothing, and pick up a check, try again tomorrow.
Gordon: For me, it depends on who I'm tied with. The 3 day champion moniker concerns me, but the $48,000 means he hasn't been convincing.
Chico: Like "only $48K? Yeah, I can take him."
Gordon: Right. Now if I saw 3 days and per se $80,000+, that means he's been a monster and I have to eliminate him now.
Chico: So you would bet nothing, G.
Gordon: In this case, I'd bet nothing. However, I could see myself in a situation where I would pull the trigger.
Chico: And really, the only way that any of these strategies would fail is if you get Final wrong... which they don't.
Jason: Let's see the category and question
Chico: Astronomy is the category.

In July 2011 it completed its first orbit around the sun since its discovery in 1846

Jason: What is Pluto?
Chico: No. Gordon?
Gordon: I was going to say Who is Grandma Kardashian?
Jason: DAMN.
Gordon: But I'll say 'What is Neptune' instead.
Chico: That is correct. And leave Kris Jenner out of this.
Jason: Right area wrong satellite LOL
Gordon: Hey, they have big full moons. Where do you think Uranus came from?
Jason: (Rimshot)
Chico: OKAY! Now fast forward to Friday. We have the potential to see another lock-tie situation. Jason has, and this is prior to him finding the Daily Double at the end of the round, $11,900. The leader, Dan McShane, has $14,400. There is a way to safely play this if you're playing by the book, and it did happen over the course of the week. If you bet $4700, the WORST you could do is force lock-tie. This is if Dave saw the heavenly glory beyond his finger. Bruce Lee up in here. He has $11,900 to Dan McShane's $14,400. If he bets $4700 and loses, we're in lock-tie situation. He wins, he's in the lead and the advantage going into FJ! He's literally holding all the cards. He bets $2500 to try and tie.
Chico: Now Dave's been really victorious in a lot of little battles. That's how he got to where he is.
Gordon: That's not a bad bet. A wrong answer and he's still relevant for Final Jeopardy.
Chico: No it isn't a bad bet, but it's better if you're able to control the outcome. Because, and now I'll ask the question. You see a six-day champ with less than $100K.
Jason: This was the situation I was in when I got the2nd DJ question. You HAVE to bet to tie, otherwise you have no shot.
Chico: Yeah. He could've forced the situation. Instead, he tries to close. Sometimes it's better to close later than it is to close now. But I'm getting ahead of myself. He bets $2,500... and misses it. So we have Dave at $9400 to Dan's $14,400. He's still in the hunt, but now he has more things to think about, like Molly's $6800 and how to lock it out.
Gordon: He doesn't have much to think about. The bet for Dave is $5,001. That locks out Molly and forces Dave to get the question right.
Jason: Right.
Chico: And I don't know if it's an accident, but Friday FJ!s are usually softballs.
Jason: Right.
Chico: Something to think about. the category: Ancient Weights & Measures.

The Hebrew word for this Biblical unit of measurement is ammah, aptly meaning "elbow" or "forearm"

Jason: Locks in...and I have a joke answer too :)
Chico: Too bad you're banned from giving it.
Jason: :P
Chico: Jason, your response.
Jason: What is CUBIT?
Gordon: What is a Hustlermag? (Think about it)
Jason: (hands Gordon Brain Bleach)
Chico: .... EW!
Gordon: Hey - they didn't have video games back then. There were limited forms of entertainment.
Jason: Big time...
Chico: You're on a boat for 40 days and 40 nights. Not much to do.
Gordon: Back to the players. Molly also has no choice, She has to go for it. Now Dan, on the other hand...he has a choice.
Chico: Dan can do 1 of 2 things here. He can cover the spread and take out the champ or bet nothing and come back Monday.
Gordon: Now Jason, I bet, would go $4,401
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: I'm wondering what Chico would do.
Chico: I figure with the category, there's only ONE logical response... with that, I go for the kill. So Dan McShane returns Monday with $18,801.
Jason: BTW...both players very good for the ToC
Chico: I see Jason going to the finals. I think Dave's going to have a bit of trouble with that.
Gordon: I'd rate Jason higher than Dave also, but I wouldn't count Dave out.
Chico: Nope. From one quiz show to another, and that means rolling out a new segment of the show we're calling...


(MILLION DOLLAR MORON DROP II: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO)

Chico: (plays "Look Out Below")
Jason: You found that :)
Chico: I did. This week, TWO heroes, one obviously from, if not the pilot, then a very early draft of the show.
Chico: First up, Troy Jennings takes the center circle against a mob that includes, among other colorful characters, a game show veteran.
Chico: Who's a DOCTOR.
Gordon: ...Not just a doctor.
Chico: ... who played for a million dollars before.
Gordon: ...Who's polayed for and WON a million dolalrs before.
Jason: BINGO.
Chico: Tim Hsieh is THAT deep. It comes down to this question...

What low-impact exercise method is named after its German inventor? (----T-S)

Chico: That question was to Troy.
Gordon: Since I've done this beforee (and I need to save my nasty quota for later), I'll go with PILATES.
Chico: You go... CORRECTLY . Troy... not so much. (plays "Look Out Below" again)... damn that's catchy.
Gordon: So Tim Hsieh is the first person to knock out a hero. And hence, he wins both $10,000 and this...



Chico: And then comes something that proves to me that Craig Plestis and/or Tim Puntillo haven't learned a damned thing from Minute To Win It. Because the game...ENDS
Jason: HUH?
Chico: Basically. I mean, here we have opportunity wasted.
Jason: What I would do is have Tim take the money that Troy earned and move on.
Chico: I could pull another contestant to be a hero. OR I could offer Tim a shot to play hero with or without risk.
Gordon: Well as we said on an earlier show, there's a lot of things wrong with this. This is obviously a 2-fer episode meant to squeeze in 2 games in an hour (again, self-contained-itis).
Chico: And it doesn't help matters AT ALL when one of the games is polished (as it is) and one ... well, is very very raw. I need a Big Bored.

Chico: Let's play "Can You Spot The Differences?" First up, the display text for each challenger is static instead of animated. The game is played with a different rule set. Instead of $1000 to $10,000 per stranger, you have $1. And as it would happen, the first player knocked out in Andrea's game HAS the dollar. And Ben is wearing something different for each show.
Gordon: Both games were treated as throwaways - which is something that may wind up happening to the show.
Chico: You know, I have no problem with editing many games to create an hour show. but at least when 5th Grader did it, they did it properly. Right now, the show is doing okay, but not great, numbers for a December/January period. I mean, if it was me, I'd go ahead and try and clean it up for summer...
Gordon: If it was me, I'd put the show out of its misery.
Jason: I agree with Gordon. It's awful.
Chico: It really is, but NBC has to program SOMEthing.
Gordon: Here's an idea - why not take something original and thought out?
Chico: Even if it is rougher than Sonic the Hedgehog's bad hair day?
Jason: Why not?
Gordon: Or improve something already good.
Chico: They did that with the Voice, you notice.
Jason: Which isn't anything NBC put out in 2011 Game Show wise.
Chico: True.
Gordon: Or take a good idea and make it better - like having celebrities play along with the contestants.



Jason: This surprised the hell out of me.
Chico: TPIR plays its very first Celebrity Charity Week, and our fears of a star upstaging were put to pasture. This was one of the better weeks of the 40th season.
Jason: You had Snoop Dogg, Jenny McCarthy, Neil Patrick Harris, Chris Daughtry and Heidi Klum playing along with the contestants for Charity.
Chico: And because it was charity, the show rolled out some really REALLY big ticket prizes. If a pricing game was won, whatever was won was matched by FremantleMedia in a charity donation.
Jason: For example, on Monday Check-Out was played for a `62 Lincoln Convertible.
Chico: You know you love that.
Jason: And you know Snoop was having fun up there :)
Gordon: Well it was interesting the way it was played. Snoop Dogg was the celebrity, and he was so off in both directions in terms of prices that they evened itself out and the contestant won.
Chico: But yeah, you can tell everyone's having a good time. Where else do you see a hyper lady tackle both Drew Carey and Neil Patrick Harris?
Jason: And Chris Daughtry = Batman.
Chico: I'm Batman. Some quick figures to go over. Over the week, the players were 14-14-2.
Jason: Which is a better average than normal for a special week.
Chico: The celebs raised in total $235,534. And I'll say it now - if you missed this week of shows, as good as it was done, because you just weren't feeling the last five years of TPIR - I pity you.
Gordon: Well I won't go that far, but I'd say don't knock it until you've seen it.
Jason: It was a lot better than expected.
Chico: A whole lot.
Jason: Especially after the end of Friday's show.
Chico: Okay, Friday's show. Heidi Klum has TWO showcases. First up, a $3000 Beverly Hills shopping spree, a trip to Fashion Week in NYC, and a Mercedes-Benz C250.
Chico: Gordon, you like Heidi Klum... Bid or pass?
Gordon: I'll bid
Chico: Lay it on us.
Gordon: $50,505
Chico: That's your bid. Jason... you get Heidi's favorite things... That was an overreaching theme in the Showcases, the stars' favorite things. Heidi's favorite things... BMW bicycles, four of them, a trip to Orlando, and a Jeep Patriot Sport.
Jason: I will bid $30,000.
Chico: Jason, your Showcase is... $30,939, a difference of $939. Gordon, your Showcase... is.. $51,118. A difference of $663. You win!
Gordon: YAY!
Chico: BUT...and there's a but...



Chico: Ha. Stephanie Johnson, who won $10,000 in Pay the Rent and another $11,000 on the Wheel, bid $50,972. Do the math, and the difference was $136. DOUBLE SHOWCASE WIN! Stephanie is now the third-winningest player in TPIR history with $104,346.
Jason: She killed it
Chico: The perfect end to a really good week. And Heidi Klum was there. One place that Heidi Klum WASN'T was on Lifetime. And that's because someone ELSE is hosting Project Runway All-Stars - a chick by the name of Angela Lindvall.
Gordon: Who is not as good as Heidi Klum.
Chico: Not even close
Gordon: And let's get right into this one. 13 All-Stars (who, of course, never won), come back for a whole new season. The good - If you like the Project Runway theme, and you liked the 13 people in the show, you'll like this one.
Quisla: I'll tell you right now, I don't like that girl.
Chico: Joining us is guest reviewer Quisla Alexander...
Quisla: I can't even remember her name. She's that forgettable.
Chico: She made Julie Chen look engaging by comparison
Jason: The woman in question is Angela Lindvall and she has the personality of a brick.
Quisla: A wet brick.
Chico: That's an insult to the brick.
Gordon: Well wait now. she's a sexy brick.
Jason: Didn't say she wasn't sexy :)
Chico: Nope.
Quisla: I do however like the judges. Isaac Mizrahi is a character. Always has been.
Chico: True. Isaac is a very likeable guy.
Gordon: Isaac didn't do it for me on Bravo's Fashion Show.
Chico: Okay, so the judges are on point. The characters are also good if you're a fan of their work.
Quisla: I love the all-stars. They brought back the right people. It would've been perfect except for THAT GIRL. IF they kept Heidi, it would've been perfect.
Chico: The bad seems to be that Angela is DRAGGING DOWN THE SHOW.
Jason: The pace seems SLOOOOOOW.
Chico: Project Runway is supposed to be one of the best reality competitions on the air. Now here we are with a panel of great judges and a lot of great talent... and the person who's supposed to be the head of it all has the personality of a cabbage!
Quisla: Boiled cabbage.
Gordon: I'm glad you liked their choices. I didn't.
Quisla: A head of cabbage has life and shape and verve to it. Once you boil it, all of that is gone.
Jason: Its not just the head
Chico: Because you have a bunch of players who are fan favorites, but not really winners.
Gordon: Here's who I would have liked to have seen: Jay McCarroll · Chloe Dao · Jeffrey Sebelia · Christian Siriano · Leanne Marshall · Irina Shabayeva · Seth Aaron Henderson · Gretchen Jones · Anya Ayoung-Chee
Jason: You would put winners in there?
Gordon: I would make it a Top 3 show only. Not someone like Elisa, who came in 10th place and who was booted in the first episode.
Jason: DAMN.
Quisla: Oh god. Elisa was TERRIBLE.
Gordon: 'ALL STARS' should mean talent, not personality.
Quisla: They're too busy. They won. But the current cast is talented... And I'm a GIRL... and a fashionista. I will tell you who's talented.
Gordon: This isn't an 'All Star' show, just like America's Next Top Model and Amazing Race weren't 'All Star' shows. The only thing closest to that was Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains', where SANDRA WON THE TITLE TWICE.
Quisla: Yup.
Chico: Good guys always win. Great guys win twice. I understand where you need a tournament of champions to determine the best of the best.
Jason: Grand Slam for example.
Chico: Right. A show like this though, thrives on storytelling.
Gordon: So for me: If you like the Project Runway bus, get on board. If you don't, this isn't going to make you start caring, and if you're a newbie, this is not the time to get on and start watching.
Quisla: If it was a tournament of champions, they'd call it as such. We want characters, the fun people.

	PROJECT RUNWAY: ALL-STARS Lifetime - 9p ET Thursdays
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	QUISLA	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	C-	B	C-	A-	C+

Gordon: And the host and bad pacing drops this down a notch for me. C-.
Quisla: The cast is saving it for me. I'm giving it an A-.
Jason: There is nothing new to the table...more glitz than substance. C-
Chico: Project Runway is Project Runway, and there's no amount of anything that's going to change it. It's still one of the most solidly produced hours on television, even though you could replace Angela Whatsherface with a bobble and get the same result. B.
Quisla: I would like to see Angela replaced with Alexa Chung. THAT I'd watch.
Chico: Great segue, Q. Because on afterwards is 24 Hour Catwalk. If you've seen 24 Hour Restaurant Battle on Food Network... or Cupcake Wars for that matter, it's essentially the same show.
Chico: Yes, Jason, you may use the mask.
Jason: (puts on the Xerox Fumes mask)
Gordon: Teams get 24 hours to build their own fashion line, then create a show out of it.
Chico: Only with Alexa Chung at the helm instead of Justin Willman. Let's start with the good.
Quisla: I like the concept. It's got me a little bit excited.
Chico: It's one of those things that works on paper. It's 24 Hour Restaurant Battle: The Fashion Edition. Alexa Chung... I think we all can agree that that was a good choice of host.
Quisla: Mm-hmm.
Jason: Much better host. I like her.
Chico: She basically carried the hour. I mean, we know it works because it's been done before. But that's the failing, is that it's been done before.
Quisla: I like vanilla ice cream. Every time vanilla ice cream is available, I'll come back and get it. I'll never get tired of it.

	24-HOUR CATWALK Lifetime - 10:30p ET Thursdays
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	QUISLA	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	B-	B	B	A	B

Gordon: I also like Vanilla ice cream. But once in a while, I like some Rocky Road or Mint Chocholate Chip. Still, this is pretty good vanilla ice cream. B-
Jason: This is Breyers Vanilla Ice Cream. Which I like a lot. B.
Quisla: Another good thing about vanilla ice cream, you can dress it up and make it different if you like to.
Chico: You can, and being that it's self-contained, it's going to be a different sundae every time. B.
Jason: This is where self-contained works.
Quisla: I'm going to withhold it. I probably was just in a bad mood from the first episode. However... it has all the ingredients to be an A.
Chico: That's good. So we're all going to give this show a B. We have one more review this week, and since Quisla's gone to the kitchen, I'll go get the cow.
Rob the Cash Cow: Moo
Jason: Oh yeah because the cash cow got milked here.



Gordon: Let's have a cooking competition featuring celebrities instead of civilians. That's the premise behind Guy Vs. Rachel.
Chico: On one side, you have Rachael Ray...On the other side.. you have Guy Fieri.
Jason: And you have 8 celebrities cooking for charity. Hey Gordon!
Gordon: Yes Jason?
Jason: If I name you a celebrity, can you tell me if this person is a repeat Ho-fender?
Gordon: Why sure, Jason
Jason: Ok...

Cheech Marin

Chico: No.
Gordon: (BUZZ) YES Weakest Link. Celebrity Jeopardy also.
Chico: Durr.
Jason: Next...

Summer Sanders

Chico: YES.
Jason: Figure it Out host for one.
Gordon: Cheech was also in Celebrity Apprentice
Jason: Next one...

Aaron Carter

Chico: Hmm.. I think he's new.
Gordon: OH NO...try Dancing with the Stars and Star Search
Chico: My bad.
Jason: Let's try...
Chico: Thinking of Nick Carter.

Taylor Dayne

Chico: I think she's one. But I don't remember where.
Jason: Gordon...:)
Gordon: Gone Country
Chico: A-ha.
Jason: How about...

Joey Fatone

Jason: He's the biggest ho-ofender on this show :)
Gordon: I've got a laundry list for Joey, including Dancing with the Stars
Chico: Too numerous to mention.
Jason: Ok...

Lou Diamond Phillips

Gordon: Im a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here

Coolio

Chico: Match Game '98 and Hollywood Squares in the same season.
Jason: and the only one who isn't a ho-offender...

Alyssa Campanella

Chico: That's what YOU think :-)
Gordon: If you call a pageant non-reality competition
Chico: Yeah.
Jason: So these eight are divided into teams of 4 and have to cook for 150 people
Chico: Right.
Jason: Guy's Team is Coolio, Cheech, Alyssa and Joey
Chico: Rachael's team: Lou, Summer, Taylor and Aaron.
Jason: Guy's team wins the opening competition. The bottom two gets to cook in a blind tasting competition
Gordon: Aaron gets the boot for screwing up shrimp. So the good: we see celebrities have the same problems we have.
Chico: Rachael's team sends two to a Cookoff... Which leads to the bad. Next Iron Chef: Secret Ingredient Showdown.
Jason: The problem here is two fold. One if you don't like the celebrities, you wont like the show
Chico: Obviously.
Jason: Rachael and Guy (who are good here) can't carry this.
Chico: And two: they're the same group of celebs who were on every other celebrity competition EVER.
Gordon: I've got more issues on this show.
Chico: Besides the obvious? Let's hear it.
Gordon: This show COULD have been something, if they had any sort of learning curve on it. Instead, it's total drama from celebrities we don't care about who have less cooking skills than we do. At least as bad as Celebrity Cooking Showdown was (and it stunk), we actually got lessons from the celebrities on what they liked to do. Here? Nada.
Chico: Gosh. Where've I seen THAT before?
Jason: This was like Worst Celebrity Cooks in America
Chico: And not even Rachael or Guy can help it. And Rachael's America's sweetheart mind you.
Gordon: This was just a blazing train wreck of a first episode, which should lead to Lou Diamond Phillips vs. Coolio in the finals, because they are the only people that I saw with talent.
Chico: Which means one thing... someone's going to gun for them soon.

	RACHAEL VS. GUY: CELEBRITY COOK-OFF Food - 9p ET Sundays
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	D-	D	D	D

Gordon: I'm gunning for this show now. It's 60 minutes of time I wasted. D-.
Chico: D. ... I like the hosts. The format works on paper. And that's it.
Jason: Same here. D. for incredible Disappointment.
Chico: And unfortunately, speaking of disappointment, that reminds us of a really sad story to come out of the UK yesterday.
Jason: (bows head) Yes.
Chico: One of the greats to come from that country has sadly left us. Bob Holness, the original host of the UK version of "Blockbusters". You're a 30something who's grown up in Britain, you no doubt have grown up on Blockbusters It was to British kids what Double Dare was to American kids.
Jason: ITV from 1983-1993
Chico: And then again on Sky from 2000. But no doubt you've heard the phrase "Can I have a P please, Bob"? once or twice.
Gordon: It's a great show, and if you';ve never seen the episodes, go to YouTube to find them. They are classics
Chico: Agreed. Bob was also known for hosting "Take a Letter" in 1961, "Call My Bluff" in 2000, and probably less memorable was "Raise the Roof" in 1995, where the grand prize was... a house.
Jason: Still big, even in 1995
Chico: But Bob will always be known for Blockbusters. That was his baby. Steve Ryan created it, Bill Cullen brought it to life, but that was Bob's baby.
Gordon: The Hamsters have one for you. What L is full of fluffy pieces that turn green and smelly when it's not cleaned out once a week?
Jason: BUZZ
Gordon: Jason?
Jason: Litterbox?
Gordon: Correct! And here's your prize! (Hands Jason gloves, dustpan, broom and fumigator mask)
Jason: DAMMIT (starts cleaning)
Chico: And while Jason does that, we'll...
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Gordon: And we start with a bat (Hands Chico a bat)
Chico: Thank you. Actually, it's not a bat (takes the cap off to reveal a microphone)
Jason: (looks back while cleaning) Nice Design

Now as you know, "The Voice" will launch season 2 after a reasonably large-scale football game whose name we cannot say for legal reasons. But if you imagine Gordon in his bowling shirt... and a red cape...

Gordon: With an S on it?
Chico: With an S on it, yes.
Jason: Got it.
Chico: Well, we're going next level with the guest mentors for season 2. Each coach will get TWO.
Chico: The list...Kelly Clarkson, Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds, Miranda LAmbert, Alanis Morissette, Ne-Yo, Lionel Richie, Jewel, and Robin Thicke.
Jason: The one that made the most news was Kelly Clarkson, because the spin meisters "claim" She "dissed" American Idol. May I tell you the real reason why Kelly is doing it? From the New York Post:

Both Clarkson and Shelton are managed by Starstruck Entertainment, which is run by Reba McEntire’s husband, Narvel Blackstock.

Jason: Shelton, being Blake Shelton. One of the judges. So...the story means NOTHING.
Gordon: And the fact that Kelly has a new album and she may want exposure for it won't hurt either.
Chico: But cooler heads don't really sell newspapers, do they?
Jason: Yes...and the funny Toyota Camry commercial needs more :)
Chico: Yeah. So the groupings are...Jewel and Lionel are on Team Christina, Alanis and Robin are on Team Adam, Miranda and Kelly are on Team Blake...AWK-ward.... because they're both talent show alums and Miranda's married to Blake and... you know all this...and Babyface and Ne-Yo are on Team Cee-Lo.
Jason: I like the groupings.
Gordon: Me too
Chico: They make sense.
Jason: They are kicking it up for Season 2.
Chico: Yup
Chico: Hopefully they'll be able to help NBC's ratings out. They need helping.
Gordon: I also like one new show coming out this week (Produces Datebook)
Jason: The book has a new year smell to it
Chico: Leather?
Jason: The leather isnt even cracked yet.

January 11th has Season 2 of Face-off. Then Jan 13th has Season 3 of Chico's Favorite new show, Sweet Home Alabama.

Jason: Face-Off is going to be FUN.
Chico: Yep. Sweet Ho'me Alabama... not so much
Gordon: I'm guessing you want to send the daters away somewhere?
Chico: Yeah, let's go back to Britain for a moment...

... and it's official. Simon Cowell is coming back to Britain's Got Talent.

Jason: He needs to wash the stink of Season 1 of X-Factor off of him :)
Chico: Well, he'll have a whole year to figure that one out.
Jason: Seriously, this is a good move for BGT
Gordon: It's a good move for everyone. BGT was in serious trouble without Cowell and he knew it.
Chico: Yep. The only way to save the cash cow is to milk it yourself.
Rob the Cash Cow: Moo.
Chico: Damn straight.
Gordon: Good cow. Bad, dumb players.
Jason: Uh oh.
Chico: Drop the smartboard! *smartboard lowers*

Are YOU Smarter than...Anna Snowball, for clearly not understanding the show she was on.

Gordon: Now let's talk about Chico's Faaaaaaavorite show in the whole wide world.
Chico: Let's talk about something else! :-)
Gordon: Sorry, you can't.
Chico: Aw
Gordon: Chico, you're the Bachelor.
Chico: I'm the Bachelor
Gordon: There are 25 women hanging out. They come out, What would you expect them to do?
Chico: Here I am. Wow me!
Gordon: What would be the worst possible impression?
Chico: Umm.. "Hi, I'm a total bitch."
Gordon: No.
Chico: "I just wee'd myself?"
Gordon: ...that's pretty bad.
Chico: Uhhh.. "I went out with Gordon Pepper once."
Gordon: Oh you really don't want to go down that road.
Chico: :-)
Gordon: But how would you react if the woman went right past you and didn't say anything?
Chico: Wow, right past me? Without doing anything?
Gordon: Right past you
Chico: Not even saying hi?
Gordon: Not even saying hi
Chico: I'd be pretty hurt!
Gordon: So Anna does just that, then wonders why Ben never talked to her and promptly booted her from the show.
Jason: That's pretty...well...stupid
Chico: Anna.... if you're going on the show for attention or a career or something... and you don't even make a decent effort to at least get noticed by somebody... You're. Not. Doing It Right.
Gordon: A note to the ladies: We're guys. When it comes to dating, we're as dumb as a bag of rocks. You need to help us out here. Walking right past us isn't helping.
Jason: We don't do SUBTLE.
Gordon: Nope. We do zombies though.



Chico: ... Yo.
Jason: He still has his New Year's Hat on.

Master of the Mix and Bully Beatdown will not be celebrating any New Years parties soon. Neither will the So You Think You Can Dance result shows, which got axed thanks to flagging ratings on the mothershow.

Jason: The mothershow is done after this year.
Chico: It needs some serious help. I think after nine seasons, it's past time for a major shakeup.
Gordon: The Hoff isn't doing anything now. Ask him to join.
Chico: Hmm.. See, here's the thing, can he dance?
Gordon: You've seen him on Dancing with the Stars. How was that for you?
Chico: And I'm not talking drunken-uncle-at-a-wedding dance either.
Gordon: He did the Cheeseburger Hustle
Chico: Yum. Hey, don't get any of that on my big red couch. Now with Wifi. Let's get loaded.
Jason: (HIC)

I mentioned the big red couch and the wifi, and you're going to need both of them, because it's TEST TIME AGAIN. Jeopardy!'s looking for a few good brains for The Week of January 16.

Jason: I assume you are in.
Chico: I'm taking it for the fifth time, Quisla's taking it for the first.
Jason: All joking aside...NO EXCUSES. DO it. Big winners come from this test. Worst you can do is try again NEXT YEAR. Look at Jason Keller. He tried for 16 years and he won nearly 215,000
Chico: You really have nothing to lose at this point.
Jason: Not to sound like a HARDASS. But there are so many people who whine and moan about being better than these people. PROVE. IT.
Gordon: And then you can be a media ho.
Jason: Like these people.
Chico: *plays Luda*

In this week's Media Ho report, Melanie Amaro signs with L.A. Reid (NOT Mentor Simon Cowell), Howie Mandel is selling his Malibu house for 7.25 million, Nick Cannon is in the hospital recovering from Kidney Issues (get better soon, Nick)...Carnie WIlson is struggling with her weight, James Durbin gets married New Years Eve, Brooke White is expecting little Brookelets...

Chico: Brookelings.

Joey Fatone hosts The Price is Right in Las Vegas, Samantha Harris leaves Entertainment Tonight, and Amber from the Bachelor says that Ben is more into himself than into the girls. If you've seen the Bachelor Ratings so far, the audience doesn't seem to be too into Ben either.

Chico: They'd rather watch How Mike & Molly Met 2 and a Half Broke Girls.
Gordon: And ate them.
Chico: On the Next Fear Factor.
Gordon: But none of them is the ho of the week.
Jason: One?
Gordon: One. and we have...ho Mail!
Chico: Ho!
Jason: YAY!
Gordon: This comes to us via Keith Schleicher. Thanks Keith!

TO: WLTI FROM: Keith Schleicher On the December 22, 2011 airing of Who's Still Standing a contestant named Bob Glouberman was on. He claimed to be a video game reviewer from Phoenix, AZ. I know a few video game reviewers because I do that as a hobby and have met some but I didn't recognize this guy so I wanted to find out what web site he was writing for. Well, I found out he's actually been a voice actor in video games instead of a person who reviews them. He even has his own IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0323067/http://winx.name/?w=Bob_Glouberman

Chico: And there's one. More. Thing.
Gordon: He was also on Show Me the Money
Chico: AND Classic Concentration.
Gordon: AND Russian Roulette
Chico: AND Catch 21.
Jason: DAMN.
Gordon: That would be 5 shows. He's approaching Jason Block territory
Jason: I didn't realize I hit that level :)
Chico: Still no Scott Hostetler. Now HE'S a rockstar.
Gordon: But congratulations Bob. you're in that territory.
Jason: Nice job.
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Brobot, please.

(Brobot kicks Choppler and bounces)

Jason: I am done.
Chico: Now you can clean out the Supertoilet, because we'll be bringing it back for a spell. As we go to break, though... Bob leads us in a hand-jive.

 

Gordon: But first, we resolve that you infiltrate lots of different game shows. You're reading WLTi. you give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 game shows that Do NOT need an all-star version of.
Chico: All-Star Blitz?
Gordon: Wheel of Fortune
Jason: Still Standing
Gordon: You Deserve it

(Brainvision is presented by All-Star All-Star Blitz All-Stars. A winner-take-all tournament of losers of the most forgettable ABC game show of the 80s with the most annoying theme music ever)

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