Game Show Newsnet

Episode 29.15 - Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark
April 30

Chico: Hey, it's Chico Alexander here. .... and did anyone forget to pay the light bill? What's up with all the darkness?
Gordon: Well actually, that was my doing. In honor of the new show, I thought it would be fun to try to do this telecast in the dark.
Jason: DON'T GRAB THERE!
Gordon: And yeah Chico, don't grab...there.
Chico: I'm keeping my hands to myself... unlike ONE OF YOU. GET OFF.
Gordon: I think I need to get Jason an Ice pack now.
Chico: And that was my foot, by the way.
Gordon: And one for Chico.
Jason: You just twisted my...NOSE.
Gordon: And you two need to get a room.
Chico: Lay off the foot!
Gordon: Do I need to separate you two?
Chico: Okay, this isn't nearly as fun as I thought it was going to be.
Gordon: You. Two. No. Fun (hits the light switch)
Jason: BRIGHT LIGHT!
Chico: Okay, enough dark humor... heh...
Gordon: Groan.
Chico: Or perhaps we've just begun.
Gordon: From somewhere in the recess of our dark minds, this week's edition of WLTi...is...on!
Jason: WOO HOO
Chico: Alongside Gordon Pepper and our special guest Jason Block... I'm Chico Alexander and we've got a lot to cover as always, but first, we start with a question. What would happen if you took Fear Factor and put it in a pitch black warehouse?
Gordon: You have a Saturday Night at my place.
Chico: Hey-o!
Jason: Actually, we have a pretty fun show.
Chico: Jason's right, we've got a pretty fun show. It's Syfy's newest game show, "Total Blackout", hosted by current Dancing with the Stars star Jaleel White, known best for portraying a nerd and a blue hedgehog. So it's only fitting that he hosts something where a nerd can get pinched by a blue hedgehog.
Jason: The format is this: 4 contestants or couples have three separate challenges in the Total Blackout room. Sole Survivor gets $5,000. Each round's elimination happens when the contestants jump through the stands and down a hole. The beauty of this is that WE know the challenges are HARMLESS. The contestants DON'T.
Chico: Because we get the beauty of a blacklight sex camera.
Gordon: And it's very sexy.
Jason: It is VERY sexy because it is a total trainwreck.
Chico: And it doesn't pretend to be anything BUT THAT. We know it's a total trainwreck. We're pretty sure the contestants don't know that, but it's all slickly produced to suggest it.
Gordon: Ok let's be frank here. Can we be frank?
Chico: Sure. Can I be Chico afterwards?
Gordon: Sure. There's absolutely nothing new here in terms of game play. The entertainment value is on the reactions of the contestants with the stunts and falling through a deep black hole.
Jason: Agreed. Totally. But the execution and pacing here is TOP NOTCH.
Gordon: And yes it was fun to see people scream while trying to identify a pineapple. The question is - can they sustain it for a 30 minute show?
Jason: I thought they could.
Chico: At least it's only 30 instead of 60. Can you imagine the timing issues for an hour show?
Gordon: True. but it ran out of gas for me after the first stunt.
Jason: Honestly it didn't.
Gordon: Maybe it was the contestants and I was hoping to see some form of sanity from them - or for at least for them to get smarter after the first round.
Chico: Wait... you realize you're watching a game show in 2012, right?
Gordon: Yes and they all act the same. I know.
Jason: And it was the casting department. Blame them.
Gordon: I know you have to have screaming contestants.
Jason: Did you like Jaleel White?
Gordon: I thought White was surprisingly good.
Chico: White was a good conduit. He didn't get too much involved, but he had a presence.
Gordon: Granted the blueprint was there, and he followed it perfectly, but we've seen so many people screw it up and he didn't.
Jason: He was smarmy without being annoying
Chico: See early Joe Rogan.
Jason: Let's hope they change the stunts
Chico: Otherwise, it'll get old fast. So the good... the host and execution. The bad... the stunts and contestant screaming, both of which will get old quickly.
Gordon: And that's what I'm worried about. I have a feeling I won't rank it as high as you guys, but I would watch it again.
Chico: Well, I'm going to give it a benefit of doubt here. It is what it is... a game show on Syfy, known for putting together some REALLY CRAPPY MOVIES! I mean ranging from the so bad it's good to the unwatchable to the Gordon Pepper Hall of fame here.

TOTAL BLACKOUT Syfy - Wednesday 10p ET
GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
B-	C+	B-	B-

Gordon: It does beat anything that you'd see on Syfy on a Saturday night. However, it doesn't beat a Saturday night at my place, so I'll go with a B-.
Jason: Gordon is exactly right. B-. Its good, yet repetitive. But it was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. Or had a right to be.
Chico: I'm going to go with a C+. It's not too good. It's not too bad. It's just right there in the middle. It's dark light entertainment.
Gordon: It has potential to be a sleeper show. But it needs to be darker.
Chico: And it's a good thing that Jaleel has THIS to look forward to, because if the results of this week's Dancing Stars are any indication, he's going to need it. We begin our weekly...

.. with...

Gordon: Not a good week for Jaleel.
Chico: An especially bad week for Gladys Knight, but Motown proves to be the Urkiller. Granted he had a really good comeback this week with a near flawless cha-cha-cha, and he may have needed it because there's no way he wins a public vote. Also nearly perfect... this week's gameball goes to Katherine & Mark... who do what they have to do to survive, because again, aside from Popera fans and Whovians, who's ever heard of Katherine Jenkins?
Gordon: Maybe the whole fan base are whovians
Chico: Maybe so. Another new development over the last couple of weeks... Dancing for your life. We've seen it done MANY TIMES on MANY OTHER SHOWS. Does it work here?
Gordon: Honestly? No. Just like all of the other shows, it keeps the judges favorites in.
Chico: Agree.
Jason: This sounds like the same ratings ploy like the duets on Idol, right Chico?
Chico: Not to mention filler. There's an old saying, good artists copy. Great artists steal. This just seemed like a copy of something we've seen stolen successfully before.
Gordon: I'll go with filler. More filler = one less special 'guest' dancer or singer we need to pay. And the ratings have shown that the audience is calling them on it.
Jason: They have been.
Chico: Granted, more people watch Dancing, but the show skews older, and the Voice has just been hitting them upside the head with the money demo.
Gordon: Speaking of which...

Chico: And then there were eight. Two people were eliminated by the coaches - James Massone of Team Cee Lo and Pip of Team Adam. Can't say I'm surprised. Jamar and Tony get the public vote of confidence, while Katrina Park and Juliet Simms are bailed out by their coaches. It leads to a predictably competitive semifinal this week.
Gordon: Or lack there of.

The Voice: Who Wins If...

- Audience was 4-0 in selecting the same person twice.
- Final Four: Jamar, Tony, Jermaine, Chris

Chico: This one's The Voice.... Who Wins If...
Gordon: May I throw out one stat here?
Jason: Sure.
Chico: Go for it.
Jason: You are the king.
Gordon: The audience last season was 4-0 in terms of selecting the same person twice. Who won the audience vote or the past 2 weeks in each group?
Chico: Jamar Rogers of team Cee Lo, Tony Lucca of Team Adam, Jermaine Paul of Team Blake and Chris Mann of Team Christina.
Gordon: Barring a disaster, those are your final four. See you in 2 weeks.
Chico: ... That was easy.
Gordon: There's way too much back story, etc. for people to flip sides now.
Chico: just to say that we said it... They're respectively going up against Juliet Simms, Katrina Parker, Erin Willett, and Lindsey Pavao.
Gordon: But let's play the game. If ANY of them have a chance to play the spoiler, who is it?
Chico: I'm going to go with Lindsey for the spoiler.
Jason: Linsdey is our spoiler
Gordon: I'll say Juliet
Chico: Won't happen, though So if that is your final four... who wins?
Gordon: I'll stay with who I thought would win to begin with and that's Jermaine Paul
Chico: I'll go with that.
Jason: Make it three.
Chico: Easiest Voice final EVER.
Gordon: Dammit Block. Why don't you say Tony Lucca.
Jason: Because it's EASY, sorry.
Chico: Now will the show that wants to be the Voice have as easy a final now that Elise sang herself out of it?

Gordon: I thought it was going to be easy once Mr. Colton had a Constantine Maroulis moment
Chico: It literally is a horse race at this moment. I mean, the final five has had moments of greatness. If they were to have them all again this week, it could make the voting incredibly difficult.
Gordon: Are you watching the same show I am?
Chico: I'd like to think so, yeah. I mean, they all had their week. This was Hollie's week strangely.
Jason: It's a Skylar/Phil final to lose. Am I right G?
Gordon: No. Phillip is going to win. It really doesn't mater who he brings with him, but let's say Skylar Laine. That's it. Where's my coffee?
Chico: I think Skylar's going to make it as far as final three.
Gordon: But I'm amazed on how you guys think it's going to be close. It's not going to be close at all, barring a massive brainmelt by Phillip and I don't even think that will matter.
Chico: I think it's going to be another all-male final. Philip against Mantasia. It'll be Jessica, Hollie, and Skylar knocked out, in that order.
Gordon: I don't think so. But it doesn't really matter.
Jason: The guy I called from audition 1 wins it.
Gordon: I had him in the finals, so I wasn't that off.
Chico: So we're basically all over the path, but with the same conclusion. Is there any way Phillip Phillips DOESN'T win this?
Jason: No and unfortunately he is WORSE than any Hot Guy With Guitar ever.
Chico: He REALLY is.
Jason: He hasn't improved and coasted on his good looks and DMB wannabe skills.
Chico: He wants to be indie rock, but there's no way the indie rock crowd will buy into it and if I'm being completely honest, there's no one real standout artist amongst the final five. We have country diva, Adele Complex 1 & 2, Church Boy, and Hot Guy with Guitar.
Gordon: How is Lee DeWyze doing anyways?
Chico: Who?
Gordon: And Crystal Bowersox?
Chico: And who?
Gordon: Guys aren't doing well post idol. And they aren't doing too well on an island either.

Chico: The round was Troyzan's to lose.... and he lost it.
Gordon: He needed immunity and didn't get it. Hence, out he goes.
Chico: simple.
Jason: Pretty much
Chico: Question now... what does this mean for Tarzan, the only guy with ... external plumbing... on the island?
Gordon: Pretty simple for Tarzan. Win immunity and see where the cracks in the women's alliance are. If he doesn't, he's gone.
Jason: And then the women stand alone (and deserve to).
Chico: Really.
Gordon: Well its more than just that. He needs to find or create a minority faction. The guys have been good in terms of sensing that. Where they have failed is convincing the cows that are about to be slaughtered that they are on the dinner menu.
Jason: It has been RIGHT THERE.
Chico: There for the TAKING! The shot keeps tickling the twine as it were. And if you look at the votes, you can see an inconsistency. No one has takent advantage of the inconsistency.
Jason: Because the men's brains and testicles havent worked.
Gordon: Nope. And Credit Kim and company for the deception
Jason: I really believe Colton would still be there if his appendix didnt asplode.
Chico: I'd say so. Ever since he left, it's been a real snoozer.
Gordon: Well, it could have been interesting if Colton gave up the immunity idol also, but whatever. None of the guys are winning $100,000 - but we did have a winner...with some controversy thrown in.
Chico: Oooh... Controversy.
Gordon: And this would be our...

(divided by 10)
(divided by 10)

Chico: Pay attention. This is relevant.
Gordon: And yes, the repeat is intentional. And Jason will tell us why.
Jason: I will take this. Sharon Adams wins $10,500 in cash. She lands on the 2nd A in AMERICA'S. Her category is PHRASE. With the RSTLNE and her choices of M C H I we have:

_ _ C _ I N
_ _ L _ S H

Chico: BACK IN A FLASH (Mockingly opens jacket.)
Gordon: ..ew. Well I play poker, and I hate when I have to Muck in a Flush.
Chico: Why would you muck a flush?
Gordon: If Jason has a full house, I have to Muck in a flush
Chico: Okay.
Jason: Chico is right. So is Sharon and she wins $100,000....And confetti flows...BUT....CONTROVERSY.

Jason: Flashback to May 15, 2006. Guess what the puzzle was on that day?

Chico: We have a graphic for EVERYTHING, don't we?
Gordon: We do.
Chico: Haven't we seen this before?
Gordon: Maybe.
Jason: Gentlemen... :)
Chico: Don't kill the joke, dude.
Jason: So on May 15, 2006, Guess what the bonus puzzle was on that day?
Gordon: Is it Muck in a Flush?
Jason: No it was BACK IN A FLASH. And it won $100,000 for the contestant back then too.
Chico: Eerie.
Gordon: Not eerie. Sloppy. That puzzle should NEVER have gone back to the bonus round.
Chico: Anyway, I wouldn't be quick to call shenanigans as I would just the writers being complacent.
Jason: There have been repeats before.
Gordon: The puzzle is a lot easier if you've seen it before.
Chico: No one counted on YouTube.
Jason: The puzzle writers should be more careful.
Chico: I mean, you can make it a tossup and everyone would be okay with it, but there was NO WAY that should've been in the Bonus.
Gordon: That would have been equivalent to seeing the same $250,000 question on Millionaire. I know there are question stackers and question archives. This should never have been seen again in the $100,000 section, period. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
Chico: Speaking of sloppy. Time to feed Hans. Even though he's a clean pig.
Jason: (gets up and goes to slop bucket and fills troth)
Gordon: (Gives Jason a hose and water)
Jason: What's that for?
Gordon: To wash the pig.
Jason: OH man.
Gordon: and then I'll roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug! First up, I need a bat.
Jason: Which one?
Chico: The one with the face attached to it.
Jason: (hands Chico the Face Bat)

Syfy's done so well with special effects, that now they're going for the studios themselves with "Hot Set". What "Face Off" did for makeup, "Hot Set" is doing for sets.

Jason: This will do well.
Chico: Yes it will
Gordon: I agree. I really like the idea.
Chico: But wait! There's MORE!

Syfy is also working on Viral Video Showdown, which puts viral videos head to head against each other for bragging rights and cash.

Chico: It's from SallyAnn Salsano ("Repo Games") and Kevin Pereira.
Jason: This one...NOT SO MUCH.
Chico: Again, they're keeping it in the family. Pereira, obviously the host of Attack of the Show on sister network G4. But I've seen this somewhere before... that leads me to believe that this will not work.
Gordon: Oh you mean like some viral video show on Vh1 called Dance Cam Slam?
Chico: That'd be the one.
Gordon: True...however...there's something called America's Funniest Home Videos (which is STILL on the air, btw), that says this could work.
Chico: So we'll see.
Jason: Yes. We Will.
Chico: Baseball bat time is over, datebook time is here.

This week begins the J! Teen Tournament. 15 teenagers competing for cash and J! glory. Some teens are thinking about prom nowadays. These guys have one thing on their mind. EVERYTHING ELSE.

Chico: Because that'll lead to what magic P word, Jason?
Jason: PROFIT.
Chico: YES!
Jason: And Pride and Posterity. I believe Wheel goes to Portland this week too.
Chico: Anything else, G?
Gordon: Not there, but I'd like to get Fully Loaded.
Jason: HIC
Chico: BURP.

You say you can't get your fill of bad UK game shows? The Million Dollar Suck Gambling Game we showed last week wasn't bad enough for you? Well then go get the app for it by Channel 4. No I'm not giving you the link, because 1. it is not out yet and 2. I want to save your lunch.

Chico: Ew. Well, I got a palate cleanser for ya. It's the new set and titles for the New BLOCKBUSTERS.

Jason: I am really looking forward to this. This looks HOT.
Gordon: Actually, I like this one too:

Jason: That's GOOD. I love that.
Chico: But yeah, if you can watch it, you should.
Jason: It will get around.
Chico: Yes it will. And now, for people that you will NOT see on the show.

Are YOU Smarter than...one of the Bachelor producers for this upcoming season.

Gordon: One of the potential bachelors on the show: Arie Luydendyk, Jr., who is a semi-famous race car driver.
Jason: ok....?
Gordon: As you know Emily has a thing for NASCAR, so this is a perfect match, right? Sure, if you want to discount that Arie HAD a relationship with one of the producers.
Chico: Woops! If I may interject here. As we are doing the show, Emily is having another rose ceremony.
Gordon: Why in the world, on a dating show, would you cast your ex?
Jason: Double Woops
Gordon: I don't get that. How about some Haterade?
Chico: As if we couldn't get any more.

We get some from Richard Simmons, who slams the whole weight loss process on The Biggest Loser.

Jason: He isn't the first. Nor is he 100% wrong.
Chico: We've heard this song and dance before.
Jason: But this is a huge cash cow...and until someone dies from this (not to be harsh), NBC will ignore Richard.
Chico: That's harsh. =p
Gordon: It's harsh - but it's not wrong.
Gordon: And no one has died on the show, so give them credit there.
Jason: I do. But I bet they have to medically monitored.
Chico: I would think so. Remember, there's a bit of liability to be had, S&P being what they are.
Jason: At least on this show anyway
Gordon: We've seen shows that don't do their work here. I'll give them credit for making sure everything is safe.
Chico: Agreed.
Gordon: Richard Simmons may want to go on a trip, though., Where's he going?
Chico: I'll give you a trip to Germany. They have great chocolate.

They also have a great show called "My Man Can". It's so great in fact that ITV1 is picking it up for a primetime slot in 2013. The premise is simple. "My Significant Other Is Better Than Your Significant Other."

Gordon: That did AWESOME over here in the states when it was My Dad is Better than Your dad, didn't it?
Chico: Made the writers go back to work.
Jason: Slight sarcasm there, G?
Gordon: Only slight.
Jason: This is so...zzzzzzzzzzz
Gordon: Can I wake you up with a big red comfy sofa?
Jason: You have a CASTING COUCH!
Gordon: I do. It's time we brought that back.
Chico: Yay!
Jason: WOOT!

We start with the Guiness Book Of World Records: The TV SHow.

http://www.realitywanted.com/call/17525-guinness-world-records-now-casting

If you're married for 5 years or less, YOU can be on The Newlywed Game!

http://www.realitywanted.com/call/17536-the-newlywed-game-now-casting

Jason: You know...that's another show that keeps going and going
Chico: They'll get you on the show, but you'll have to get yourself to NYC.

FINALLY, the guilty Summer pleasure is back, Big Brother 14 is NOW casting

http://www.realitywanted.com/call/16738-big-brother-14-casting-call

Jason: :-)
Chico: I know a few people who'd just LOVE to be on that show... Right, ladies?
Gordon: I have more from people who may want to be on the show. Luda me.
Jason: (plays *Ludacris*)

In this week's Media Ho Report, James Perri (Millionaire) donates his winnings to cancer research, Britain's Got Talent contestants will get to play on Britain's Millionaire, Justin Guarini is in a musical from Steven King,...Ryan Seacrest re-ups with Idol ad NBC Universal, Blake Shelton Performs 'Over' on The Voice, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey renew their vows on the Eiffel Tower...

Chico: Nice

Gladys Knight claims she lo9st 60 pounds on DWTS, Maksin is once again frustrated with DWTS, and Bill Rancic is FINALLY having a baby...through a surrgoate.

Gordon: But none of them are your hoes of the week.
Chico: Who you got?
Gordon: I don't have anyone. Yet. BUT
Gordon: Let's say your show is sagging in the ratings. What do you need to spice it up for next season?
Chico: DRAMA!
Gordon: Yes, but besides that.
Chico: A twist
Gordon: Of course, but besides that,.
Chico: All Stars!
Gordon: YES! ALL-STARS!
Gordon: Hence, your Hoes are the 16 ALL STARS for...wait for it...DANCING WITH THE STARS. DWTS's season next season is an All-Star season.
Chico: ... Wait, what?
Gordon: You mean you didn't know?

(BREAKING NEWS) *window breaking*

Chico: I heard Mario Lopez talking about it.
Gordon: Well it looks like it will happen. You can all rejoice now.
Chico: Yay.
Jason: THUD.
Gordon: Unfortunately, it makes sense. The show is sagging and you've been pounded by the accusations of scraping the bottom of the barrel for stars.
Chico: Right.
Jason: so why not
Chico: And you've been going through 14 seasons of the same thing swearing that you'd do better.
Gordon: Yes, but this isn't better. So to speak. Better would be finding new and different celebrities that we want to see.
Jason: That would require effort.
Chico: And effort would require time and money. Both of which come at a premium right now. But yeah, as much as I hate to see it happen, and I really hate to see it happen... it's about time for it to happen.
Gordon: Don't put in the effort? pay the price in the Nielsens.
Jason: Exactly.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's it for Brainvision. *fobs Choppler* Still to come, time to break out my Playlist.... But first, G?
Gordon: First up, we talk numbers, You're reading WLTI. you give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 things we'd like to see you identify in the dark.
Chico: *turns out lights again*
Gordon: Freaky.

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Brewster's Millions. You have 30 days to spend all of your money to double it. Can you do it? Or will you just be destitute? Warren Sapp hosts.)

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