Episode 17.16
April 21

Gordon: We have big hair over here. It's just radioactively charged by the Meadowlands Swamp.
Chico: Ah, so that explains the Knicks' season. =p. Swamp gas crosses state borders, you know.
Gordon: We thought that we'd ship Isiah to the Carolina Panthers after the season ended. They need all the help they can get
Chico: Especially after Jake D took too many shots to the leg. Oy. That was painful. Welcome back to the show, and now it's time for a moment with the doctor. You have questions... I... will give it my best shot.
Gordon: I've got questions. Do you have answers?
Chico: I... will give it my ... this sounds awfully familiar.
Gordon: I have a letter.

Chico: Well, Brooke, you've got a great instrument and a great strength. Now you just have to use it. Use it and never lose it. Because a piano in the hands of someone who can use it is power. Stick with what brought you to the party.
Gordon: Unless the party is a Hawaiian Luau.
Chico: ... yeah, forgot about that. And hope that Carly and Syesha trip up on their weaknesses. And they are weak in parts so just counter with what you got.
Gordon: I'm thinking though if she can get a country song going, she can pick up the country vote, which could help her immensely
Chico: Unfortunately, no opportunities are presenting themselves for the next couple of weeks.
Gordon: If Oklahoma is one of their musical choices, there's a possibility
Chico: That's true. Okay, pass the kahlua pig and give me the next letter.
Gordon: Next one...

Chico: I'm going to take a play from Bob Barker's book. Study the greats, but don't emulate them. Richard Dawson... Ray Combs... some riff raff... some more riff raff... John O'Hurley. Don't be like them and don't be like any one else.
Gordon: It worked for Drew Carey
Chico: Host the show the way Al Roker hosts it. I know you got it in you... I've seen this week's worth of Today shows. Next one?
Gordon: I've got the next one.
Chico: Let's hear it.

Chico: One big housekeeping tip. Post Shakespeare all over the house. Or the Art of War. Or something that'll make people smarten up and realize what they're here for. And if all else fails, a sign that says "Smile, you're being watched." But if you want to REALLY do some remodeling, get some more mature guests in you. It takes all kinds, after all. Mix it up.
Gordon: You don't mean you want people in the house that actually know what they are doing, so you?
Chico: Make it interesting. Instead of just "Mannequin Fest 10". Next one?
Gordon: Next one...

Chico: ... You're beyond help, brother. I saw American Dreamz... It did not end well. It didn't begin well either. See where I'm going with this?
Gordon: Enjoy the lame duck years and then retire to Guam?
Chico: or Texas or something. Next letter?
Gordon: Next one...I'm going to have to edit this one.
Chico: That bad?!
Gordon: "Dear Dr. (bleep)ing Chico"
Chico: Cheerful...

Chico: Well, chef... can I call you chef?
Gordon: I think you can call him chef
Chico: I'd just soon fire the lot of them and call it a day, you know, get some new blood in your kitchen. People that know what they're doing. Barring that, how about a mandated Hell Week? Something to put it in the crew's head that the strength is in their team.
Gordon: You'd like to nominate yourself, don't you?
Chico: I can whip up a mean risotto, yeah.
Gordon: I have one final letter. You ready for it?
Chico: I'll take the final letter.

Chico: I've seen you with Marshawn. No thanks.
Gordon: Not into sloppy seconds?
Chico: I know a nice catch though... Right, Gordon? He can cook, yo. You and him.... it's a done dizzle.
Gordon: Errr (checks date book) sorry, I have a book signing in Antartica that I have to attend. Maybe next month.
Chico: Next month... come on, now.
Gordon: Isn't this a good time for a break?
Chico: Oh yeah. What's next?
Gordon: Next up - we place bets. But first up - watch this.

(Brought to you by Big Brother: The Deal or No Deal Edition. 24 women go into a house and vote each other off for the spot in the house. It will be the best ratings ever - because everyone wants to see the women get nekkid. We'll throw in Matt Grant for 'Natalie Action' And who doesn't like to see some boobies?)

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