Finale - August 21

Gordon: We started with over 100,000 acts. We now will only have 1.
Don: It won't be Man-Kira, thankfully. :)
Gordon: Welcome to one heck of a bloated America's Got Talent Live FInale, a finale SO bloated, that they even admit that some portions are pre-recorded. Thousands of miles journeyed, blah blah blah. This is Gordon Pepper and Don Harpwood, who must have typed over 100,000 letters in creating these recaps.
Don: That wouldn't surprise me!
Gordon: We get last week's recapssssssszzzzzzzzzzz....and then We get...performing all at the same time...The America's Got Talent Top Ten!
Don: Whoa.
Gordon: We start with the AGT2 Dancers, followed by The Glamazons, then Julienne Irwin and Jason Pritchett singing a duet. Then Robert Hatcher, Terry Fator and Cas Haley, followed by The Duttons and Butterscotch. The Calypso Tumblers perform to Butterscotch. Sideswipe...just walks around and doesn't do much.
Don: Not enough time for them, apparently.
Gordon: They do all this while they all sing 'Celebration'. Were you celebrating. Don?
Don: I was sorta celebrating a bit. And I know someone there will have a million reasons to celebrate.
Gordon: To help kill 2 hours, each of the 4 finalists will be singing with a special guest. Butterscotch is paired with the person who has 'The #1 hit of the Summer'. The song - Beautiful Girl. The Artist she's performing with...Sean Kingston! We are complete with real electronic drum track and back up singers - but also electronic back up Ashley-Simpson-like vocal tracks, which makes this tre' cheese.
Don: Yeah, it sounded to me like there's some lip syncing from Mr. Kingston, there.
Gordon: Kingston says that she's great. I think she's better than Kingston. Butterscotch gets a special video from Grandma, saying that she's always a star. Butterscotch, of course, cries. AwwwwBarf. Next up, it's Terry Fator, with his mystery guest...Kermit the Frog?
Don: Wow. I thought the guest would be another ventriloquist.
Gordon: Technically, he is. Terry does a little James Taylor to Kermit. It either has to be Frank Oz or Jim Hensons's son, since Jim Henson croaked many years ago.
Don: Wait... Did I see a few people in the audience a moment ago with "Duttons" T-shirts???
Gordon: They must be the clean up crew afterwards.
Don: lol
Gordon: He have the back up girls...uhhh...chickens...uhhh...chicks? And for the judges, we have Animal, Beaker and the Swedish Chef.
Don: Heh.
Gordon: The chef likes Terry (and almost buzzes Kermit), while Animal whacks the buzzer just for the heck of it. Jerry tells Terry that it's the most sense that the judges had made.
Don: Heh
Gordon: Terry's special video is from...Miss Piggy, who wants a cut if Terry wins it.
Don: I liked it.
Gordon: Next up - Julienne Irwin. Julienne Irwin gets a fellow country starlet to sing with her. Said starlet - Taylor Swift!
Don: I haven't paid much attention to the country music scene, so I've never heard of her...
Gordon: All you need to know is this -Taylor is in tune. Julienne...isn't. I'll say this though - despite the last performance, she has to be proud of how far she came this year.
Gordon: Julienne's special video - Martina McBride, who says it's wonderful to watch her sing.
Don: It seemed alright to me.
Gordon: The last person to perform - Cas Haley. Cas is getting a band behind them. He's singing 'Red Red Wine', and he's singing it with...UB40.
Don: I'm not surprised that it's a reggae band.
Gordon: UB40 Loves what he did with 'Can't Help Falling in Love', a song they made famous. Cas's message comes from Lionel Richie, who wishes him luck. And now, to waste some more time, we see Bill Bellamy from Last Comic Standing. Following that is an act from...Quick Change? Yes, its the exact same act from last season. Yes, Piers still won't clap for them.
Don: Of course.
Gordon: Since AGT, they have gotten 25 million hits on You Tube, and they do 10-12 major tv shows and NBA Halftime performances. Not a bad gig. We get a recap of the judges shenanigans during the season complete with Man-kira, Sharon leaving, David leaving and Sharons's dog attacking Piers before leaving. Continuing that segway, we are now live, where one of the finalists will be leaving.

Safe - Terry Fator.
Safe - Butterscotch
Safe - Cas Haley

Gordon: Julienne Irwin - 4th place. Honestly though, are you surprised?
Don: Not really.
Gordon: Julienne enjoyed the journey as we get her funeral video
Don: So, it's down to a guitarist, a beatboxer, and a ventriloquist... all of whom sing as well.
Gordon: Correct. But first, Stomp Out Loud!
Don: Cool performance.
Gordon: I like the fact that they used all of the stage. In the crowd...Kashif and Man-Kira.
Don: Oh, geez...
Gordon: As they are getting around 30 seconds of camera time more than they deserve.
Don: Well, at least those 2 are staying off the stage.
Gordon: Back on the Stage is Cas, Terry and Butterscotch.
Gordon: and one of them will be leaving

Safe - Cas Haley
Safe - Terry Fator

Gordon: Leaving is Butterscotch. She says she is a star and I believe that. We also get her funeral video.
Don: Wow. Well, she did do very well to get to this point.
Gordon: She did a great job. Either Cas Haley or Terry Fator will win this. It's now time to recap the...'unforgettable' acts. This is the nice way of saying...here come the freaks.
Don: The ones that have gotten X'd.
Gordon: Yes. You have a feeling that they will be coming back and performing live?
Don: If they do, then... Where's the bucket?
Gordon: I've got the Golden Bucket! And right on cue, Its the America's Got Talent "All-Stars". And here's the bucket (Passes the bucket on the sight of the long haired man/woman/man-thing)
Don: *Starts throwing up in the bucket*
Gordon: We get Pogo Boy, Sunshine, the Drag Granny, the Trannies, The Sax Guy, and the woman who slapped her buns for The Hoff. Add the bad dancers, toss them around to a version of Queen's 'We Are The Champions' and presto! Instant time waster that will leave you on the border of nausea.
Don: As far as I'm concerned, they're not champions.
Gordon: Alas, No Man-kira, Kashif or Sexy Techno Boy. Jerry calls them the Jerry Springer Dancers.
Don: Any sign of Leonid?
Gordon: Nope. The Hoff sings next though. I may need that bucket.
Don: *Passes the bucket over*
Gordon: And...here's...The Hoff...*Uses the bucket...a lot*. As The Hoff mangles one of my favorite songs, This is the Moment, I'm hoping from an X from Piers.
Don: What about an X from Don? X
Gordon: This pains me to say this, but I'd rather see Sexy Techno boy and Man-kira doing dance couple competition than this. X.
Don: That's a sight that'll haunt my head for a bit...
Gordon: Not as much as the singing. Argh. Piers says that he experienced the agony of breaking 3 ribs all over again.
Don: lol
Gordon: And Piers, who cane in injured, loves the Hoff. I'm guessing the medication Piers is on for his broken ribs is pretty strong. Sharon loved it. I think they are both on some strong medication. Jerry says that we are about to find out who wins AGT2. There's 20 minutes left, so I doubt it. We get another montage, complete with all of the acts, and ending with Cas and Terry.
Don: Another 15 minutes or so left...
Gordon: Jerry talks about last year's winner, Bianca Ryan, who has a personal message.
Gordon: Bianca has a tour with Ali and AJ, and has a second CD coming out. I'm guessing not much happened with the first CD.
Don: I didn't even hear much about the first one.
Gordon: Cas says it would be amazing to win and we get...Cas's journey. Terry says that he is humbled and honored that he is in the final two, and we'll see Terry's journey.
Gordon: So the last person we hear from is Terry, so according to the rules, he should win. The winner is....coming up after the break.
Don: Fake-out!
Gordon: Id like to point out that an hour ago, 'On the Lot' used the same break technique. It was just as entertainingless when they did it.
Don: Figures.
Gordon: By the way, for the 5 people who care, Will Bingham won On The Lot. For the significantly more people who care about this show, the winner is...

TERRY FATOR!

Don: WHOO!
Gordon: Terry is crying. Cas hugs him. Everyone congratulates Terry, who is still stunned. He does one more performance with Winston the Turtle and Roy Orbison. The confetti comes pouring down as we hear the turtle warble his last notes. Terry thanks America and gets a hug from the wife. They hug, everyone cries. Fade to black. End of series. Thoughts?
Don: I think the right person won. And this was certainly an interesting season.
Gordon: I agree. Thanks to everyone who tuned in. For Don Harpwood and all of our special guests throughout this series, this is Gordon Pepper, thanking you all for reading the recaps.