Episode 31.11 - Family Drama
Chico: I'm Chico Alexander, and I'm getting you
in the holiday spirit with... FAMILY DRAMA! (clips of Paige Thomas, Jonathan
Penner, and Vino Alan getting voted out and.... because it's me, Melissa Rycroft
Gordon: I'm glad that ain't my family
Chico: ... yup. And the thing of it is... NO ONE SAW ANY OF THOSE COMING...
Except for the Dancing. Stevie Wonder could've seen Melissa Rycroft winning that
one. We'll go into details on all of them, because from Somewhere in America...
WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: YAY! Gordon Pepper here, along with Chico and a week's worth of
recapping to do. We start our winner's month with...Melissa Rycroft
Chico: Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani finally win one over Shawn Johnson &
Derek Hough and Kelly Monaco & Val Chmerkovskiy. It was really close, but
Melissa had the better scores in two of the three rounds.
Chico: It all came down to the audience vote.
Gordon: As always. So why did you think she won it?
Chico: If I'm being honest?
Gordon: No, I want you to lie to our whole fan base
Chico: Heh. Because she wasn't the consistent threat that most of the dancers
were. She was an also-ran. She won... because of the audience vote. This season
proved more than anything that this show is a popularity contest.
Gordon: It was more of a sympathy vote, you'd say?
Chico: No, a sympathy vote would've put KELLY in the winner's circle. This was a
popularity vote, and it just served to the dwindling audience of the show.
Gordon: I think a little from column A and a little from column B She did
deserve it, but also it's like they improved while the winners didn't really do
such. Granted, as a champion, you can only improve so much, and the storyline of
her not winning didn't hurt her.
Chico: Yeah. So we all saw Melissa won... We know how... and now that we do..
can we just forget this season ever happened?
Gordon: I'll second that.
Chico: Meanwhile, X Factor is getting steadily more exciting.
Chico: Paige Thomas was eliminated off the bat.
Gordon: This one you could have seen coming.
Chico: She was consistently in the bottom and was in danger of being a one-trick
pony. So yeah, I can't fault them for that. Then there's the case of Vino Alan's
departure. I have the chart.
Gordon: Let's see if you have learned something throught these years. Present,
Chico: First three... easy. The favorites. Carly Rose Sonenclar, Tate Stevens,
and Emblem3. Then comes the bottom four: Fifth Harmony, CeCe Frey, Diamond
White, and Vino Alan. After Paige was eliminate, the bottom two were Vino Alan
and Diamond White. They head to a singoff. Vino sang "Trouble" by Ray
LaMontaigne, while Diamond sang "I Was Here" by Beyonce.
Gordon: Now how did Vino get into the bottom?
Chico: Vino earned his bottom stature the night prior when he changed songs and
then performed a half-assed version of "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'"
Gordon: I certainly lost that loving feeling
Chico: I wasn't feeling any love... I think it was gas.
Gordon: It was painful
Chico: It was.
Gordon: So off we go to the judges. I actually thought this was less of a who
sang better and more of a who's more marketable vote.
Chico: And Diamond won that one, 3-1. Because let's face it... Vino may sound
like a soul star, but he looks like... I don't know what he looks like. Probably
a Star Trek reject.
Gordon: Well again, the problem was that he was singing a style that doesn't fit
his voice or his image.
Chico: Well, more his image than his voice. He could be more of the Ray
LaMontaigne type if he presented himself as such to start.
Gordon: But he didn't. He was a poor man's Eminem. And now he's just a poor man.
Chico: Be kind, G
Gordon: Me saying that the song didn't sound like a Hippopotamous in heat was
Chico: Yeowch. Jonathan Penner... is also a poor man this first week of
Chico: Now Abi-Maria was due to be eliminated this week, but something weird
happened. I mean SERIOUSLY weird. She started playing the game.
Gordon: Just a little bit late. All this did was move her up one spot in the
food chain. What she really needed to do was to get into an alliance.
Chico: It all started at the Reward Auction, where Probst offered an advantage
("$500!") Abi pays $500 for an advantage in this round. The advantage being that
she would be advanced to the final round in the Immunity Challenge. That gave
her rest. That gave her strength. That gave her energy... and ultimately, that
gave her the Immunity Idol. The rest of the tribe had no real plan B, so they
just went for someone who had overstayed his welcome, Penner.
Gordon: Yeah well good for Abi-Maria. The problem here is that she needed to
join the group. She's still an outsider and the pecking order is still intact
Chico: Yep. She's going home next, barring another immunity miracle. Then and
only then, Carter's going home.
Gordon: That sounds fairly accurate.
Chico: Also accurate.... no one is winning $2 million from The Amazing Race
Gordon: Ryan and Abby. I had such hopes for them. Until they turned into morons
Chico: Ryan & Abbie went from catbird seat... to cat food. And it's all part of
a DOUBLE U-TURN plot. Might I elaborate?
Gordon: Yes please
Chico: Okay, so the Racers are running all over Holland, home of many things,
like Lego, Lingo, and... windmills. The plan was to U-turn Ryan & Abbie. And
then the team that U-turns them would themselves get U-turned. This was hatched
between Trey & Lexi and the Ja(y)meses. So the Ja(y)meses U-turn Ryan & Abbie,
while Trey & Lexi U-turn them. It's a brilliant plan, make it look like an
accident or something. And... unlike most plans hatched on the Race, this one
actually worked. Meanwhile, a Fast Forward lunch of herring while under the sea
in an aquabus give Natalie & Nadiya first place and $5000 each!
Chico: Good choice of words, Gordon. Because Food Network has created YET
ANOTHER FOOD COMPETITION. This one elevates food as crazy art. Here's how it
works in ... THE SUGAR DOME. Teams of three: a cake artist, a sugar artist, and
an animatronics expert design a sugary masterpiece that centers around a theme.
Gordon: DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
Chico: So it's basically one of the many many MANY Food Network Challenge
metaseries given series form. Three teams enter David Bull's Sugar Dome, one
will leave with $15,000. This week, the theme was... Dragons.
Gordon: We start with the good. it does a VERY good job on the demystification
of the sugar caricatures - and with the dragons, which did look pretty cool.
Chico: Agreed. And everything comes together to tell a seamless story... if the
teams do it right. So we have skill and the demystification of said skill, which
works. Then there's David Bull, who takes this series to an almost comical level
of seriousness. Remind you of anything?
Gordon: You mean Sweet Genius? Or Chopped? Or any other Food Network show?
Chico: Yeah. Added that he brings British lugubriousness to the hosting role.
Gordon: As much as I like him - and I do like him - There's 2 problems here. #1.
It's all the same thing with a sugar maker. #2. If you're a standard foodie
without cooking knowledge, this is going to have as much interest as a dragon
Chico: Dragons are cool... Pagliacci's cool...Together? Not so much. Oh, did we
mention that you are under a time limit? I don't know how long, but it's at
least five hours.
Food - 8p ET Sunday
Gordon: No. This show is still good, but this is
going to attract more of a serious cooking addict, and we review for the casual
game show fan. Hence...C+
Chico: Yeah, this is what you call a niche program. It has no real pulling power
for anyone outside of this niche, so in that, a C+ is about right. Now for other
niche programs and not so niche programs, we have THE FASTEST (mumbles) MINUTES
IN GAME SHOWS! We call it the Replay! (speaks into phone) five and a half
minutes on the timer, please.
(FIVE MINUTES 30 AND COUNTING)
Chico: A couple of two day champions after Jake Ayres falls on Monday. Lucas
Peterson lasts two days, ends up leaving with $34,900. Jason Shore, the man who
beats him, will return Monday. And the Friday show that gives him three days on
the show is a heads-up affair. Here's the Final. 20th Century American Writers.
A publisher's note on one of his books called him "the terror of typesetters"
& "an enigma to book reviewers".
Chico: This is really easy if you think about it and never stop thinking about
Gordon: (Puts on Santa Claus Outfit) Who is E.E. Cummings
Chico: (hands over Grinch hat)
Gordon: (Puts on Grinch Hat) Who is Edward Scissorhands?
Chico: ... and the hat is dead.
Gordon: As well as the typesetter.
Chico: Heh. Jason returns Monday with a total of $67,800! TPIR takes the week
off... Hip Hop Squares takes the week on. It's the week of the G, in which you
could go to Facebook and enter for a chance to win $1000. All you had to do was
identify who was in the Secret Squ... eerr, G-Spot.
Chico: This week's winners: Mike the musician, Kristin the Zumba teacher, Peter
the sports editor of the Garden State Journal, and Christian Carrion, who's a
good friend of ours. (puts Christian's picture on the wall of fame)
Gordon: Nice job.
Chico: Indeed. Meanwhile, on Millionaire, we have a Quarter...
Chico: Shannon Dingle jumps $100,000 and faces this for $250,000.
The recovery of a 2008 art heist was dubbed "Operation Waistcoat" in a
nod to the stolen painting "Boy in a Red Waistcoat," by which artist?
A: Paul Cezanne
B: Henri Matisse
C: Pablo Picasso
D: Pierre-Auguste Renoir
I think that's Cezanne
Chico: You think correctly. Shannon leaves with $73,600 after a bailout. In the
quickies, Chad Michaels wins RuPaul's All Stars Drag Race Stan Frazier of Team
USA wins Chef
Race: UK vs. US. Eliminated on "The Voice": Cody Belew and Dez
Duron. And in the Play of the Week, Collie Blank from Miramar, FL wins $15,000
cash money and a shot at more in the Bonus. Person, her choices are PHF I.
E _ P E R T / I N / T H E / F I E L _
Gordon: I think Sally Field would be insulted. Or turned on.
Chico: You think so? Collie is happy to be an EXPERT IN THE FIELD if it'll
get her behind the wheel of a 2013 AUDI A4 with $5000 in the glove box. That's a
total of $54,870. And that's an MVP if ever I saw one.
Chico: ... and that's gonna do it for the clock (alarm sounds)... thanks, Siri.
And now we go to the expert in the field of news powering, ... Eve the
Gordon: She's growling.
Chico: Yep. And because of that, the hams are running in their wheels. It's
perfect. Perfectly twisted, but perfect.
Gordon: Good job, Eve. Now roll that beautiful Brain Footage
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks! Mr. Doug Morris, ladies and gentlemen. First of all, a BIG
BUSINESS ITEM. I'm gonna need all my hockey gear
Gordon: (Gives Chico a Carolina Hurricanes jersey)
Chico: ...that's it?
Gordon: Quisla sold the rest of it because...well, you know...
Chico: ... I'll take it. Anyway, you remember that for the last five or 10 years
or so, GSN has operated
as a joint venture between Sony Pictures TV and DirecTV.
Well, DirecTV has sold what amounts to controlling interest BACK to Sony.
Chico: It's basically putting GSN back to where it was before it was GSN. It
could be a good OR a bad thing.
Gordon: That's not a good thing
Chico: We could see more of the Sony library without having to lease it. On the
other hand, it could mean a drought of product. I mean, we're already seeing Beat
the chefs in burnoff, and TNG in
primetime is not doing anyone any favors.
Gordon: What it means is that DirecTV has no more faith in GSN, and you're
losing programming. That's NEVER a good thing.
And not a good thing in the Datebook, because there's no new series, but
lots of penultimate episodes as we wrap everything up before X-Mas.
Chico: There is one thing on the Datebook, while we're in the subject of holiday
Viral Video Showdown will get two episodes on Wednesday morning at 2:30
and 4:30. After that... WHO KNOWS.
Chico: And who cares.
Gordon: Unfortunately, we called it.
Chico: We did. And now we're going to call something else - that Marc Summers is
gonna be okay. Let's get loaded.
Marc Summers sat down with the ladies of "The View" to talk about his
accident. You can view the interview here...
Gordon: That's great news - and a smart move by Marc.
Chico: We do want to warn you that the YouTube video does contain graphic
images. All in all, it is REALLY good to see Marc back on his feet. He is a
LEGEND in our field, and it is NOT his time yet. If you want to tweet him your
well wishes, he is
Gordon: That would be a smart thing. I have a really dumb thing right here.
Chico: You always have a really dumb thing.
Are YOU Smarter than...Angus TG Jones, who decided it would be fun to
call Two and a Half Men, the show he was starring in, 'Filth'. Rumor has it that
he's not going to
be invited back next season.
Gordon: Now here's a question. What game show was Angus on as a prize?
Chico: I don't know... Let's Make a Deal?
Chico: The Price Is Right?
Gordon: No. You could have won a trip to the Set of 2 and a half Men...as a
Big Brother. And yes, Angus made a cameo on the snow. But we're not done yet
(wheels in another smart board)
Chico: Hoo boy
Are YOU Smarter than....Lindsay Lohan. Yes, again. This time, she gets arrested
in NYC for punching someone in a nightclub
and this one could be a probation breaker.
Gordon: She'll be meeting a lot of people
Chico: you think?
Gordon: and now for the Haterade.
Chico: Who've you got this week?
We get into a nasty judging spat between ex American Idol judge Steven
Tyler and soon to be American Idol judge Nicki Minaj that results in Nicki
calling Steven a racist and him apologizing for his comments.
Gordon: And now for something sure to get some post-Thanksgiving Heartburn
Food Network Challenge....is gone.
Chico: Which would probably explain Sugar Dome's appearance.
Gordon: For now. I'm sad. Let's go somewhere that will make me happy
Chico: How about Australia? Not only is it warm, the women are hot.
Gordon: Put another shrimp on the boobie...er Barbie
Ricky Martin is sitting in a rotating chair as he joins the Voice
Australia as a host.
Gordon: Very nice.
Chico: Livin' la Vida red chair
Gordon: Livin La Vida Ho-ca
Chico: I see what you did there. (plays "Livin' La Vida Loca")
In this week's Media Ho-ca report, Nick Lachey will host The
Bear Grylls hosts Get Out Alive, Donald Trump co-hosts Extra...
Nick Cannon signs a deal with NBC, Carrie Underwood will star in a
remake of The Sound of Music, and Jef Holmes has ALREADY been spotted going out
with a new girl. Isn't that great?
Chico: Good for him. Because Emily Maynard is totes cray-cray.
Gordon: But none of them are the ho of the week.
Chico: who have you this week?
Gordon: Your ho is Brandi Cochran, who just got paid to the tune of $777,000
after a court ruled in her favor over a unfair discrimination firing lawsuit
from the producers of The Price is Right - AND another $7.7 million is coming in
Chico: As we said last week, the equivalent of spinning the Showdown wheel,
getting a dollar twice, and then taking both showcases.
Gordon: She's a winner. And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Branvision. Let's shut'em down. *hits app*...Still to come,
we're going shopping for extra game show swag. But what do
we have first?
Gordon: First up, we need a reality check. You're reading WLTi. You give us 22
minutes and we'll give you 22 zombies with better singing voices than what we
got this week.
Chico: And to prove it, here's Augustus singing "Baby" by Justin Bieber.
Augustus: .... "BRAAAAAAAAINS! BRAAAAAAAINS! BRAAAAAAAINS!"
Chico: ... a little pitchy, dawg
Gordon: Still better than Vito.
(BrainVision has been brought to you by the 12 Holiday Whammies of 2012.
Complete with New Year's Baby, The Bottle Popper, Whammy on a Sled, Whammy
hitting the X-Mas Tree, the Whammy turkey and More!)
HERE TO CONTINUE