Episode 31.8 - X-Patriot
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and as you have seen if you are a
constant internet troller, like us, is that everyone jokes about moving to
Canada after the results of the election, pending on whether their candidate
wins or loses, right?
HERE TO CONTINUE
Chico: Yeah. That reminds me. *takes another aspirin*
Gordon: (Waves Democrat Flag) As you can see here, it's just Chico and I
in the booth, but just to say that we are a benevolent group which spares no
expense, we have, from Toronto, Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Greetings from Toronto, eh!
Gordon: He is our special guest this week, and we love him so much that
we gave him his own country.
Jason: I have enough friends up here.
Chico: And one TV's Ryan Vickers to visit.
Jason: And more game shows to get on.
Gordon: Very true.
Chico: Including Match Game.
Jason: But we aren't talking about Canadian Game Shows are we?
Chico: Not this week.
Gordon: So just to warn Canada, Jason Block is going to pillage your game
shows and make more Canadian money before he decides to come back down to the
Jason: Actually. I am hanging here till I hit Costa Rica or New Zealand.
Better tax laws there.
Chico: But before we get all geographic on this show...
Gordon: And for those who don't get the joke, Mr. Block is a staunch Republican who shall we say wasn't too thrilled about the election
results on Tuesday.
Chico: And we had to rein him in before this week's show. Yeah... he didn't take the news well.
I had to say "NOW HUG!" at least twice this week. Yeah, just as Jason didn't take the election well, I didn't take
the reaction well either. ... People is crazy. Anywho, enough hate, let's spread
the love. From somewhere in America... WLTI.... is.... ON!
Jason: WHOO HOO!
Gordon: YAY! From somewhere in Toronto this week as well. Gordon Pepper
here, and let's start the show with some singers that I'd like to send to
Toronto, if only to torture the Canadians.
Chico: Yay. X Factor gets into full on contest mode with...holy cow, another
Gordon: Are we surprised by this? No. Are we surprised by the
eliminations or the bottom? No also. Let's go through the singers.
Chico: This week's theme: movie week. Which... some acts took to and some acts didn't. Arin Ray ... didn't. He sang American Boy, not a good choice for him.
One, it's a girl's song. Another, it's a girl's song sung in the
character of a girl. That just... complicates things.
Gordon: The singing was rough, the rapping was rough and the dancing was
Jason: So he sang an Estelle song?
Jason: (shakes head)
Chico: ... Yeah. Paige Thomas had the character down for her song, "Take My
Breath Away (Love Theme from "Top gun)"
Chico: Yeah. The character was a bit of a snoozer.
Gordon: You pick a song with no emotional range whatsoever.
Chico: No, just a lot of moaning.
Jason: Or whining depending
Chico: Right. Third up, Vino Alan with "When a Man Loves a Woman".
Gordon: Nice voice, wrong song, but good performance of it.
Chico: Yeah, hopefully he won't make a habit of picking songs older
than HIM. Unless he's a standards singer... He isn't.
Gordon: And again, the voting audience on this show skews young.
Chico: Then our answer to One Direction, Emblem3... sets up a medley.
Gordon: In my mind, you have 3 frontrunners. They are one of them.
Chico: Which led me to the moniker of "One Misdirection". They lack a focus, though the ladies love them.
Gordon: They are goofy, they sing well and the girlies love them.
Chico: Will the girlies love Beatrice Miller with "Iris"? She was all sorts of sharp.
Chico: It was the wrong song, she was inanimate, and her voice was
Gordon: This is the point of the show where you need to grab songs with a
nice range to woo voters.
Chico: Jennel Garcia was next... with "I Love Rock & Roll"... Umm...
Gordon: Some people have done it well. Others - notsomuch. It was more like 'I love getting Rickrolled'.
Jason: No one loves that.
Chico: Yeah, give me up, let me down, run around and desert me. Tate Stevens, on the other hand, picks the RIGHT song, and sings
it well. That'll shore up votes for HIS audience.
Gordon: He's the second of the 3 'Forerunners' that I have. Perfect song
choice and a nice performance. Also keep in mind he's the ONLY country singer out there, so
he'll be safe for a while.
Chico: Definitely. Next, Lyric 145.... with.. and I'm not kidding here... "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
Jason: A Disney song?
Chico: With a Black-Eyed Peas vibe. Which Gordon liked. Honestly.
Jason: It works then?
Chico: It worked for them.
Gordon: I did, actually. I voted 3 million times to keep them out of the
Chico: I thought it was crazy.
Gordon: What I liked about it was just that - it was crazy, it was
unique, it was original, it reminded me of the Yin Yang Twins and Busta Rhymes
on crack/. And for me, they have massive star potential if they are going to
go in that route.
Jason: Watching it now and you are right on point. You NAILED the
comparison. It's DIFFERENT.
Chico: To say the least. Meanwhile, Diamond White takes on Whitney with "I Have Nothing". Friends... if you're going to go on a talent show.. WHITNEY
HOUSTON IS OFF LIMITS. You are not as good as she is. You'll NEVER be as good as she
Jason: No one will be.
Gordon: If you are a contestant, the whole idea of being on the show is
to exploit your talent and get it out there. Don't be a Jennel Garcia and sing a
faint song. Sing what you want to market yourself as and be creative. That's
what has worked for the people who have done well on this show. I would buy Lyric 145's first full album.
Jason: But it shouldn't be all of that.
Gordon: And that's what you want in terms of a singer.,
Jason: They could be a new Rap Supergroup
Chico: They could be. Next is CeCe Frey with "Eye of the Tiger"... again... NO. N-O-N-O spells no, no.
Chico: Next up... Carly Ringer Sonenclar.
Jason: LOL Ringer
Chico: "It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars... not as good as she thinks she
is, but good.
Gordon: For this group, she's one of the forerunners and you know it.
Chico: This group yes, but she's got some stiff competition. Tate and Lyric 145.
Gordon: It's not going to be a walk, but she'll be in the final 4 with a
shot to win it.
Gordon: Lyric 145, as much as I heart them, will not be a frontrunner.
Chico: She needs to pull a surprise or two out of her hat, though. Next is Jason Brock. Another song you DON'T DO... "I Believe I Can Fly". That song is an untouchable.
Gordon: He flew out the door. He looked like a velvet ice cream cone.
Chico: You will NEVER live up to R Kelly's original. EVER.
Gordon: The other problem here is that he didn't sing the song that well.
Jason: And BTW...Jason Brock...no relation :-)
Gordon: We know. you have the Leonid family lineage. Brock is on the west
Chico: And finally, it's the group formerly known as 1432, now known as
5th Harmony. With another song from Twilight, "A Thousand Years". Mind if I, G?
Gordon: Take it.
Gordon: I prefer vampires myself. Singing-wise, it was pretty good. The
problem was that they didn't do anything with it - no movement, no performance,
Jason: Maybe if they sparkled :-)
Chico: Vampires don't sparkle. The bottom this week... CeCe and Jason.
Gordon: It was sleep-inducing, and if they keep doing that, they will be
following Brockula out the door.
Chico: They deadlock the judges, and so it goes back to the
audience.... Jason is a cooler... So Jason GETS the cooler. So... so very cold... We'll talk about that OTHER talent show later in the show. Right
now, let's have fun with celebs...
Jason: Ice. Ice. Baby.
Chico: Remember when Joy Behar was on the primetime version of
"Millionaire" and she got one question for $25,000?
Jason: I do. Comedy week, if I remember right
Chico: Well, she's back.
Chico: Well, she did get to $100,000. If that's any consolation..
Jason: It is.
Chico: This one comes courtesy of the dispensatory Gordon keeps
plugging. What is it, the Rickey Williams Emporium?
Jason: That's the one :-)
Developed by pharmaceutical company Merck in 1912, what illegal drug was
initially created while working on a blood clotting medicine?
Gordon: That WOULD be the Ricky Williams Emporium. And I don't shop
there. I only advertise it.
Jason: May I play Gordon for second?
Jason: In the sense that I know it isn't C
Jason: Because Cocaine was in Coca-Cola in the before 1912, LSD was a 60's drug. So I am going to guess A. BTW...not a fan of all these Hardcore drugs.
Gordon: Only the softcore ones?
Jason: Alcohol and food :-)
Chico: you and me both.
Jason: (HIGH FIVE)
Gordon: I don't drink. But I do think this is what Karl Rove may have
been on during election night this year: A. Ecstasy.
Chico: Now now... just because a guy takes a major news operation
hostage for 45 minutes doesn't mean he's on X. But that's another show. It IS ecstasy. Joy opts not to hit the button, and walks with $65,100 for
Chico: She thought it was either A or B but decided to walk instead. Good strategy.
Gordon: Good for her and her charity
Chico: While we're on angry celebs, let's talk about Jeff Kent.
Jason: You know Lisa is slowly showing herself to be a PLAYER.
Chico: Indeed. Jeff Kent.. not so much. He had one job after last week's ouster... ONE JOB. Rub out Penner.
Gordon: Its not just about that. It's also how dangerous a cornered
animal is. Penner, who was clearly cornered, was dangerous.
Jason: And he showed it by winning immunity. And everyone else didnt have a Plan B.
Gordon: well one person did - Penner.
Chico: It showed in the voting. Tell us the plan, man.
Gordon: The plan is, in the words of Rob Mariano - get rid of the
threats. Penner knew that he couldn't keep Kent in the game, so he got his old
tribe plus Malcolm, Denise and Lisa to get rid of him
Jason: Which was good.
Chico: Sounds like a plan. Meanwhile, Pete isn't out of the woods yet. He had one vote before this week, and this week he ends up with
four. Clearly emerging as a physical presence.
Jason: And that means...THREAT.
Gordon: Well, Pete is now in the majority of 5. If Lisa, Pete, Abi-Maria,
Artis and Skupin stay together, they can ride the vote out the next few
Chico: Where're we riding to next?
Gordon: Let's stay with the silly celebrities.
Chico: This week is... well, to put it mildly... strange.
Gordon: Well when you look at it. it's not strange at all.
Chico: For one... due to Hurricane Sandy AND the Presidential
election, competition will continue into next week with all couples intact. SORT OF.
Gordon: What this week shows is that the show is truly an audience
generated show and it's all about the vote.
Chico: True. Second... we have the fusion round.
Gordon: tell us about the fusion round
Chico: Well, we have each couple doing two, two, two dances in one. As chosen by, get this, their opponents. This gives Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas their FIRST perfect 30!
Chico: Kirstie & Maks... still in all out suckjob mode. They have a 24 But remember, no one gets eliminated. This week... not so much.
Gordon: But again, it's all up to the audience. However, the audience
doesn't determine whil races around the world.
Jason: ONE MISTAKE killed a team's chances this week.
Chico: Yup. That would be Rob & Kelley getting run over by their own monster
Gordon: ummm...aren't they pro monster truckers?
Jason: They are. But they got run over...by a very slow tram actually
Chico: So tell us about this tram.
Jason: The teams flew in to Istanbul from Dhaka, Bangladesh to Istanbul Turkey (the European Side). They had to get to a Ferry Terminal to get back to the Asian Side. Most people took a taxi( which is faster). The Chippendales and the Truckers took a tram. The
Chippendales realized the tram was too slow. They bounced leaving the Truckers on the Tram in dead last. Even with The Goat Farmers having to eat Turkish Ice Cream (twice
after not eating the correctly marked stall's ice cream). The truckers are GONZO. Goat Farmers had a speed bump after last week Non Elimination Leg.
Jason: It was too much to make up. They did have their chances though
Gordon: Meanwhile we get to see some teams true colors. James and Abba
drop $100 at the terminal, which Nadiya and Natalie find - and SPLIT the money
with Trey and Lexi instead of giving it back.
Jason: BTW...general question...shouldn't there be a penalty for that?
(outside of Karma)
Gordon: Honestly? no.
Gordon: You lose it, you lose it.
Gordon: but for the rest of the news this week, let's race into a
Chico: Control room! 5.5 minutes on the clock!
Gordon: Start the clock!
Jason: 5:30(hits button)... GO!
Chico: Let's start with the Salute to Veterans on TPIR.
Chico: First of all, to all men & women who've ever served... THANK
YOU. Now, the vets scared up a breakeven with Archie Night winning in
the Showcase. His Showcase has a home theatre with HDTV, Wii, Xbox 360, PS3,
and a Ford Mustang.
Chico: His total take: 46,779. That's a total worth saluting.
Gordon: Episode 1 of Redneck Island sees Angela leaving. on Rupaul's Drag
Race All-Stars, Latrice Royale and Manila Luzon get sent packing.
Chico: It comes down to a tiebeaker on Hip-Hop Squares... and Lynnisha
takes the game with $500, but she can't answer this question: Who was the first rapper to have multiple albums sell 10 million
copies each: LL Cool J, MC Hammer, or Eminem?
Jason: I think it was Hammer
Chico: You're... wrong.
Gordon: Please Hammer don't hurt Jason.
Chico: It was Eminem.
Gordon: It's Eminem
Chico: Gordon's right.
Jason: There goes my street cred.
Chico: But since Lynnisha has a G-Spot question, she also has $1000. Let's go to Jeopardy! for a moment. The last pre-tournament game
sees Paul Nelson, the guy who offed Keith Whitener... hit the hat trick for
$45,400 for three games. Let's see if you're better with Cabinet departments, J. The clue...
"Si ve algo, diga algo" was part of a 2011 Spanish-language TV
campaign by this Cabinet department.
Jason: Locks in.
Jason: Since I am a cunning linguist that's "If you see something, say
something" from DHS(Department of Homeland Security).
Gordon: What is the one person at the Bank of America Stadium ins Section
J, Row 13, seat 13 who's waiting for Carolina Hurricane exhibition hockey to
start (gives Chico a hckey puck)
Chico: Thank you. Jason's absolutely correct. Now tell me what this says....
G R O _ P / E F F O R T
Chico: The answer was worth $45,000 to Grace Caspy from just up the
road in Spring Lake, NC.
Gordon: Grouper Effort, if you're in a school of fish.
Chico: Ha ha HA... Jason?
Jason: GROUP EFFORT.
Jason: May I talk about Friday's show?
Chico: you may.
Jason: Kay and Corey Henderson start off a 6 episode Military Families
Jason: They win $18,750 in cash and trip to London (sponsored by Skyfall)
Jason: They land in the I in SPIN in the bonus round. They are dealing with a THING. WIth the RSTLNE and their choices of
MDHO we have:
_ _ _ E A T / T E M _ _
Chico: I got it.
Chico: UPBEAT TEMPO
Gordon: Wheat Tempura
Chico: Nummy... but no.
Jason: NO NO NO LOL. It is UPBEAT TEMPO. But they LOSE the $100,000! (OUCH). It was a good week on Wheel though as we have a 4/5 Bonus Round and
a $340,000+ week
Chico: Very nice. And we have an infiltration. Who remembers Marcus Canty?
Gordon: I do!
Jason: (racking my brain) Help Me Gordon
Gordon: it wasn't that long ago, Jay. Try last year. At this time, actually.
Chico: Let me help you out here... Rachel Crow was on the same show.
Gordon: and Josh Krajcik
Chico: And Steve Jones. =p
Jason: Yes Yes, Thats right
Gordon: And Nicole Iliveintheuknow.
Jason: X Factor. Where did he infiltrate?
Chico: Well, he was on FIO with Rachel Crow this week. Thursday's show
ends in a bonus prize freeze out for the players, but we did get to see a girl
who could bag snakes and a guy who makes hiphop with his mouth. And in the Play
of the Week, we end with a Big Deal... what if I told you that someone
would trade a trip to NYC for... a shot at $22,130? That's what happens to Nicole the ballerina on Thursday.
Chico: She picks #3... No new dining room... no new $6508. YES new CAR! It's a Mitsubishi Outlander Sport.
Jason: 10th Big Deal win this year in 7 weeks
Chico: Crazy awesome. And STOP THE CLOCK! Replay's done.
Gordon: Replay is done. BrainVision will start. Roll that Beautiful Brain
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks, Doug. First up, let's get the bats and other assorted
sporting goods out...
Jason: What do you need?
Chico: Anything that can fire an egg.
In perhaps the craziest bout of cable channel format drift
EVER... History is planning on bringing BBC's "The Great Egg Race" to America.
Jason: This was just...WEIRD.
Chico: Yeah. Here's the skinny, a casting call was issued for people
with "outrageous personalities" (read: CENTRAL CASTING!) who can move an egg
from point A to point B without incident. If you are chosen to be a contestant, you'll be given $75, but
you could win a lot more. For moving an egg. I'd say we're not too far from "Ow, My Nuts!" as a game show,
but... watch MTV2 at 9a, folks.
Jason: Sort of a like a live action of "Bad Piggies" but ok.
Chico: I see an omelette in the future. What do you see, G?
Jason: Because programming executives are idiots.
Gordon: Those wacky Brits.
In this week's Datebook, no new shows, but we'll see the finale
of America's Next Top Model between Laura, Leila and Kiara.
Jason: Is anyone watching besides you, G?
Gordon: Well, it got a renewal for another season, so obviously so.
Chico: Congratulations. ... I guess.
Chico: How about I send some models somewhere exotic.
Gordon: Sure. Where are they going?
Chico: Where they have some nice looking models... UK.
Jason: Hell yeah
Channel 4 greenlights 40 epsidoes of "Common Denominator"
Chico: Based on an Israeli format, it'll test players' lateral thinking
and general knowledge. So they get logic and trivia. We get... white elephant.
Gordon: And really stupid people.
Chico: What did we ever do to deserve this?
Jason: (biting tongue) LOL
Chico: Probably something like this (brings out smart board)
Smarter than....wait, this isn't a repeat...Lindsay
Lohan, who will now be charged with lying to police after her latest car
accident mishap. This could result in her starring in a new sort of movie - like
Caged Heat 69.
Jason: WHOO HOO!
Jason: Do we get that here in Canada?
Gordon: You do actually. Don't ask me how I know this. Just accept that fact and move on.
Chico: Okay. Time for some Haterade, G!
Gordon: Who wants Haterade?
Gordon: Now as the Holidays are coming, I brought a few mugs of Haterade.
Mug #1. Katt Williams is being sued for 5 million dollars for
allegedly punching his assistant.
Gordon: Katt Williams (Wild 'N' Out)
Mug #2. Jeff Kent's Classic Survivor Exit Speech. And I quote...
"You know what pisses me off? I think I've made about 60 million
dollars playing baseball and I want this frickin' million dollars in this game. And it's not even a million bucks! It's $600 grand by the time
[President Obama] takes it! I'm a Game 7 World Series loser. I played in the biggest games in the world
and the worst games in the world, but this just sucks,"
Gordon: Hey Jason - does the hotel you're staying at in Toronto have any
Chico: Now I'm not sure if he was talking about the fact that he was
kicked off, or the show in general, but... DAMN THAT'S HARSH!
Jason: Even I admit...THAT'S DUMB.
Mug #3. Courtney Robinson says she broke up with Ben Flajnik
because he abused her and she's now seeing Arie Luendyke Jr, - keep in mind that
our favorite Bachelorette nutbag Emily Maynard dumped him.
Jason: The hits just keep on coming
Chico: It's a vicious cycle, and we haven't even gotten to the Media
Mug #4. Justin Bieber (Silent Library) and Selena Gomez...no
longer in the scene.
Chico: She loves him like a love song.... by Adele, maybe. =p
Gordon: with Jason Brock singing back up
Jason: And I thought it would last till he hit puberty...oh wait LOL
Gordon: Selena may need to get fully loaded.
Jason: She can't yet...she's 20
Chico: And this one comes with a Casting Couch.
FremantleMedia is opening up its game show department to the
masses. If you've ever wanted to be on TPIR, LMAD, Total Blackout, Family Feud,
or... yeah, that's it.... go to this website: www.gameshowdepartment.tv
Jason: That's pretty big actually.
Chico: Sure is.
Gordon: Who's up for big hoes?
Chico: Right here. (Ludacris)
Jason: I am.
In this week's Media Ho Report, Derek Hough's injury may keep him
on the shelf for awhile, Isis King does clothing, Regis Philbin presents the
international Emmys... Britney Spears reups with X Factor, Emily Maynard is dating
ANOTHER NASCAR Racer, Donald Trump wastes all of our time by putting weird stuff
Chico: Then deletes it. Probably when NBC threatens to bump him for
more "The Voice".
Jason: Pub for Celeb Apprentice
Chico: No doubt. Won't work. =p
Kara Dioguardi is now a professor, Jason Brock thinks he was
booted from the X Factor because he was gay (not even close) and Cheryl Burke
is rumored to be next on the Bachelorette cast calling list. Chico would watch
that, wouldn't you Chico?
Chico: No. Not even. Sorry. Saint Happenin.
Gordon: But none of them are your ho of the week.
Chico: Who've you got NOW?
Gordon: I have Adam Lambert, who in addition to his touring schedule, is
now hosting VH1 Divas
Jason: One to another :-)
Gordon: He's performing in the event, which includes Demi Lovato, Miley
Cyrus, and Jordin Sparks,. Anyone see what this all has in common?
Jason: I don't yet.
Chico: They've never been in my kitchen.
Gordon: They are all attached in one way or another, to Idol or the X
Factor, between performing or judging
Jason: Ah yes.
Gordon: and those..are your hoes.
Jason: BTW...I can shut the choppler down on my smart phone from here.
Chico: Please do it.
Jason: (Hits button on the app) Did it work?
Chico: ... Yes. yes it did. Nice
Jason: I appreciate it.
Gordon: Coming up later in the show, we pull out the Wrong-o-meter, but
right now, we evaluate more singers. You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes
and we'll give you 22 Democratic Parties that Jason Block won't be going to.
Chico: Not even MINE?
Jason: Well...is the beer good?
Chico: Hell yeah.
Jason: I am down.
Jason: I mean this hotel room is only for a week
(BrainVision has been brought to you by Total Blackout: Jersey City. In this
game, your mind is clearly not the most dangerous thing out there. Prayers to the Sandy Victims)