Episode 31.7 - The Calm Before
AND After the Storm
Chico: This is Chico Alexander. As we sit here
getting ready to do the WLTI thing, our thoughts and prayers go out to the
victims of Hurricane Sandy as they work to rebuild their lives. And as we think
of each other, let's take this moment to be thankful that you are reading this,
and thankful that we can share this heartwarming moment together...
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and hurricane Sandy just gave us all a blow job.
Jason: Big time.
Chico: ...Heartwarming moment over.
Gordon: I STILL have no power and got to wait for gas.
Chico: That's messed up.
Jason: Coney Island and NJ got slammed The Jersey Shore is gone.
Chico: I've seen the picutres, and needless to say... devastating.
Jason: Certain parts of Staten Island are still out.
Gordon: However, we hope to give your next 22 minutes more of a fun time than
what you've probably has the past week.
Chico: Yeah. I mean, if you're reading this, you probably need a diversion.
Gordon: I do - and I'm the person writing this.
Chico: So we're glad to oblige.
Gordon: So from somewhere in my now very dark, cold and lonely bedroom, this
week's edition of WLTI...is...ON!
Chico: Thanks for being a part of our week and allowing our week to be a part of
you. Let's bring in our resident curmudgeon, Jason Block. Jason, first of all...
are you alright up there?
Jason: I am. Very blessed to have only lost power for 2 hours. NY, NJ, LI and
Queens are hurting. Believe me, I have read a lot of incredible losses from some
Chico: So have I, it's just ... wow. Anyway, before we get into the good stuff,
just a quick reminder, if you want to help out, the Red Cross is accepting
Chico: you can go to RedCross.org for that or, you know what I did.
Jason: What did you do?
Chico: I texted REDCROSS to 90999, $10 easy. Only takes seconds.
Gordon: WHat about doing the quickfire replay this week?
Chico: This... takes about, oh... five and a half minutes. It's time to Replay
Jason: Start the clock
Gordon: Your time starts....now!
Chico: Starting with a celebrity infiltration on the first day of the NBA
season. Metta World Peace on the Figure It Out panel.
Gordon: And he gets slimed. A lot.
Chico: The players don't walk away with the grand prize, but it's a good good
show all around. Going to TPIR, where Drew Carey plays Barker. See what I did
Chico: It's a 2-2-2 Halloween carnival. Winners: Krista Scoby in Shopping Spree,
and Kristi Amick in Double Prices. Losers: Ronny Little in Pick-a-Number and
Shane Fone in Plinko. The draws: Wendy Makin in Rat Race and Michael Ladue in
Punch-a-Bunch. The two winners face off in the Showcase, where Krista takes the
haul of a trip to Carnaval in Rio and a Fiat 500 Pop. Total: $43,168. That's a
lot of candy.
Jason: BTW...did you see the REAL snakes? (shudder)
Chico: I saw the real snakes. Did you see the real gorilla? He was playing the
piano on Let's Make a Deal. It comes down to Erica & Nathaniel, who trade their
trip won from My Husband Sounds Like a... for a shot at a door. They pick Door
#3, instead of one trip, they get two. St. Lucia and Croatia. It's the Big Deal.
Gordon: Yay! That's a treat. Here come the tricks: 2 families have a shot at a
new car going into day #5 on the feud. Neither of them win it.
Gordon: Hip Hop Squares: Nicole SPANKS Cory, but can't come up with the bonus
$2,500 on this question:
What's the first pure rap single to hit #1 on the Billboard Top 40 chart?
Lean Back, Lose Yourself, or Ice Ice Baby?
Jason: I think it was Ice Ice
Chico: It was.
Gordon: Sure is. And bye bye Green Ice, baby.
Chico: And bye bye Sabrina. Voting did take place on DWTS, Sabrina Bryan DID end
up leaving, despite having the highest score! The lowest score and still int he
game went to Kelly Monaco and
Val Chmerkovskiy. Turning our attention to the Race, and we have the first
Non-Elimination Leg. James & Abba keep their momentum going. So do Abbie & Ryan,
this could come down to the bitter end.
Gordon: But it won't, because it's a non-elimination leg.
Chico: True. It's also NOT the bitter end for the Fabulous Beekman Boys, but
they WILL have to contend with a Speed Bump. Monday's Wheel is full of cash
money with one of the biggest
payouts of the season so far. See if you can pick this up...It's a Phrase...
_ _ C _ / _ N D / C _ O O S E
Jason: PICK AND CHOOSE.
Gordon: What Chico has: BACK END CABOOSE
Jason: HEY NOW!
Chico: WRONG on both accounts.
Gordon: He's got junk in the trunk y'all.
Chico: My butt has a fairly normal shape.
Gordon: An eclipse is a normal shape.
Chico: Sarah Ryan's wallet has a nice big shape, which has in it another
$45,000. It's an all cash total, $59,000.
Gordon: Nice. Numbnuts has a contestant vs. contestant showdown where Jason beats
Jay for $7,500.
Chico: Congratulations to Nicole Chilleli, the WINNER of Face Off III. This from
an audience vote on Halloween night. On the CW Friday... Kristin Kagay....
Gordon: Waaa Waaaaaa
Chico: And finally, a public service. According to the LSU/Alabama game: Obama
will be reelected. According the Redskins/Panthers game, Romney will
be elected. The point to be made here... USING SPORTS TO PREDICT ELECTIONS IS
DUMB. AND THAT'S A REPLAY!
Jason: STOP THE CLOCK
Gordon: (hits the plunger)
Chico: Thanks, boys. Nice work as always.
Jason: You are welcome.
Gordon: And now we go from predicting the president to predicting who doesn't
win Survivor. If you said that RC wasn't going to win...come collect your
Chico: RC is the first blindside of the new tribe which has yet to be named.
Wait, I'm getting something... Dangrayne.
Chico: ... where that came from I don't know, but oh well. So let's talk about
vote splitting for a moment. Because that becomes important in this phase of the
game if you
want to blindside someone. Jeff and Malcolm have the idea to rally the Tandang
tribe to split the vote. The targets: Penner and RC.
Gordon: Penner caught wind of it and played his idol, meaning bye bye RC, as
that plan worked.
Chico: Yep. Penner is pretty much putting off the inevitable. RC had four... the
other two went to Pete, who really didn't do much.
Gordon: Well this works - and doesn't work. The good news is that Penner can no
linger play the idol, but now he's dangerous because he knows his butt is
on the line, which means he's going to play nasty. Next episode should be fun.
Jason: Very fun. Desperate times.
Chico: Indeed. What does a rat do when he's cornered? Finds an opening and runs
for it. Speaking of an impressive run. How about Keith Whitener.
Gordon: He had a nice Jeopardy run going on this week.
Chico: Looks like another contender to behold here. But on Friday, got unseated.
A little background: Keith has $147,597, Or roughly 2/3rds of a Jason Block. :-)
Chico: He went for it on a late round Daily Double to put himself back into the
competition, but it is NOT a runaway. Keith has $16,300 to Paul's $14,000.
Ariane has $10,000.
That's Paul Nelson & Ariane Helou, for those scoring at home. Before we go any
further. Let's do the math here. You're Keith. You have $16,300 in betting
money. Your nearest opponent has $14,000 betting against $10,000.
Gordon: There's 2 plans of attack here. #1. If you think you know the category
and want the easiest route, then bet $11,701, get the question right, and win
Jason: Or....you bet $2,299 and force the other two to get it right.
Chico: Also right.
Gordon: or $3,701 to maximize your profits and lock out Arianne in the process.
Chico: Right again.
Gordon: Those would be the only acceptable bets
Chico: Here to help you with the decision. The category of Final Jeopardy!...
College Football Team Nicknames. Now Gordon used to write for CBS Sports, so I
expect him to know this one. The clue...
THE TEAM KNOWN AS THESE SINCE 1895 PLAYS ITS HOME GAMES ON TOP OF THE HAYWARD
Jason: What are the Cal Golden Bears?
Chico: Ariane added "Go Bears". She went there.
Gordon: I do know this one, BUT, we know how I'm not always sane, so...
Chico: This oughta be fun.
Gordon: Who are the California Quakes? Bonus points if you know the reference.
Chico: Didn't they play in the MLS?
Gordon: Nope (BUZZ)
Chico: Or am I thinking the San Jose Earthquakes?
Gordon: That's what youre thinking of. The California Quakes are a ROLLER DERBY
TEAM! Roller Jam, baby!!!11
Chico: Holy cow that's dated. =p
Gordon: And of course before that, Roller Games.
Chico: I totally remember the Rollergames.
Gordon: I loved the Violators.
Chico: You would. Okay, this is where we go "Wha? Huh?" at the scoring. Ariane
is right. She bets... nothing. Paul is wrong (what is "Thanks Mom & Dad"). he
bets... nothing. And Keith? "What are the Trojans?"
And he went for it. There are a bunch of angry USC fans going to your house,
Jason: BTW...I thought it was the Trojans too for the record.
Gordon: Keith may need Trojan man for protection from the angry Trojans.
Chico: At $148,597, he can afford it.
Jason: We will see him next year in the TOC
Chico: He stands to gain a lot more there.
Gordon: How do you think he will do?
Chico: Finals. Against Stephanie Jass.
Gordon: I can see finals. I can even see him winning it. But can you see....the
Jason: Do you need a crystal ball?
Chico: I might.
Gordon: (Gives Chico a Ball made out of NHL Ice)
Jason: From the Big House.....they aren't using it there. Damn you, Gary Bettman.
Chico: Winter Classic?
Chico: Damn you, Gary Bettman. You can suck the chrome off of a 57 Chevy bumper.
Anyway, we look into the Crystal Ball and find out how much a question is worth.
That's the way the lifeline works in Halloween Week. On Thursday, the day AFTER
Halloween, Bill Weed uses the Crystal
Ball and comes up with a $25,000 risk. So this begs the question. Now that we've
seen the Crystal Ball in practice... does this change the game or the player?
Gordon: Meh. This looks more like a way to burn out more Lifelines early or to
suffer a quick demise. This doesn't really help the player at all as much as it
spurs greed to
make better TV. That being said, from a viewer standpoint, it does make more
Chico: This seems to me like a return of an element of risk vs. reward lacking
since the days of the predetermined stack. It definitely forces you to think
about whether you
want to pull the trigger or not, which in turn makes for a more dramatic moment,
but it doesn't really impact the level of gameplay. If anything, it makes the
game a little more complex.
Jason: It is sort of "round peg/square hole" drama - not organic.
Gordon: If I'm a player, i don't even think about using it.
Chico: Precisely. It only gives the illusion of changing anything. Proof: the
player after Bill, Stephen Mislich, ends up not even
using it. It becomes null and void after Q9.
Chico: Stephen is a player, he plays up to $100,000. Want the question?
Chico: Here we go for $100,000, or roughly 1/2 of a Jason Block.
A man of many talents, actor Charlie Sheen was issued a patent in 2001 for a
handheld apparatus that dispenses what?
A: Condoms B: Chapstick C: Cologne D: Breath mints
Jason: If I remember right...it's B. CHAPSTICK
Chico: And if Gordon remembers right?
Gordon: E. A Get out of Jail Free Card. He patented it before Lindsay Lohan
Chico: WINNING. It's B. Here's the thing... Jason, you were at ABC. how many
people are in the WWTBAM audience?
Jason: about 200-300
Chico: Well, about 18 or 20 of them got it right, because B only got 9 percent
of the ATA vote
Jason: I bet they said condoms.
Chico: Even when he's wrong, Jason's right. They said condoms.
Jason: Bunch of pervs LOL
Chico: Stephen said condoms, and he and the audience are left in the dark. He
drops to $25,000.
Jason: OH NO.
Chico: o/~ Jason knows what's coming.... o/~
Chico: Let's STL.
Chico: A new season of Syfy's breakout hit Total Blackout is upon us, and we
start with, for the first time... TEAMS. Four pairs are playing in the dark.
First up, guessing the weight of two men, one woman, and a camel
by touch. There's a joke in there somewhere. Then comes things dumped in the
bubble helmet. And finally, you know you love you some mousetrap maze. Now Total
Blackout was one of the best games of the last TV
season. Syfy wouldn't have given it the vote of confidence if it wasn't. But
this whole team thing just seemed kinda forced.
Gordon: This is what I was afraid of. It's the same games from last season. It
needs to do better.
Chico: It does. It needs to concentrate more on variety and less on gimmickry. I
mean, you look at season 2 of Figure It Out. The secrets are better, the
panelists are better...Everything's a step up. This is just ... hey, let's add
on a partner! It doesn't do anything for drama, and it doesn't do anything for
the game. And you know what I always say...It's the game, stupid.
Gordon: Now after Total Blackout, we have a new show called Viral Video
Chico: The challenge... make a viral video. Duh. Two teams of web celebs have
four days to plan, produce, and shoot a viral video. They will be judged by
three of the web's biggest nerds... Adam
Sessler (great to see him back on his feet), content producer Brittani Taylor,
and actor Sandeep Parikh.
Jason: Winner gets $5,000
Chico: Imagine Iron Chef... if it were a movie class instead of a cookery show.
Gordon: This feels more like Internet Hot Set to me
Chico: It's hosted and created by Kevin Pereira. What up, Kevin.
Gordon: A cross between Hot Set and Top Chef, complete with DRAAAAAMAAAAAAAA.
Chico: There's no place for drama on the internet!
Jason: Ah yes...here's the problem for me.
Chico: You crazy!
Jason: Arent Viral Videos supposed to be well...viral and not "forced to be
Chico: Correct. Viral Videos that aren't viral, are just.... videos.
Gordon: If I'm watching this and I'm a geek, which I am by the way, I want to
see more of how you do things and not you whining about what you can't do.
Chico: But let's think about this for a moment.
Jason: What I would love to see is more of the editing process. The filming, you
Chico: The point is... the game is almost secondary. It's like, let's make a
show about these two competing teams...and then let's not talk about
competition. And that's where Hot Set got it right, because it was
Gordon: Which is a shame because I liked Kevin a lot as the host.
Chico: Kevin is a really good host.
Gordon: I actually like him better here than in Let's Ask America.
Chico: And being one of the creative forces, his
black-lump-where-a-heart-used-to-be is in the right place. This is something he
knows a LOT about being on AOTS all these
Chico: NOT YET!
Gordon: Heel, Augustus,
Chico: But yeah, it's Hot Set with more DRAMA! And a livelier host. And a
livelier panel of judges. So the good... it's all lighthearted when it comes
down to game
play. eventually. The bad; it takes a damn long time to get there. Even for a
VIRAL VIDEO SHOWDOWN
Syfy - 10:30p ET Tuesdays
Gordon: That's what disappoints me about this one. I wanted to like this and the
potential is there to like it. However, as we say a lot here, we
don't grade on potential. C.
Chico: I got all sizzle, no steak. C.
Jason: Stole my line, Chico. C-
Chico: It's all sloppy and no joe. There, Jay, use that one.
Jason: I will
Chico: It could be worse... it could be... Hamsterdemic! (and if this was a
video, this is where we would put in the
greenscreened hamster pack)
Chico: .... *applause*
Gordon: ...Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to
your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper,
Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Wow. That made Birdemic look like a masterclass.
Jason: Got to love Syfy...the home of Horror Schlock
Chico: Nothing new on Syfy for a while, but I do have a lot of new coming down
Gordon: We start with a Datebook.
Chico: And Gordon's gonna give it to me.
Only one show this week: Season 2 of Redneck Island! Whoo hoo!
Jason: Hey look...you never know...it COULD improve.
Chico: Yeah. a LOT of things could happen on that show. But something special is
happening Monday on Millionaire.
It's ABC's Day of Giving for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Disney kicked it
off with a $5 million dollar donation.
Chico: It's going to be spread over all of ABC's properties, so it'll
be on Dancing with the Stars as well.
Jason: Bet you they taped something on Friday
Chico: Probably. Because WWTBAM suspended production last week due to the storm,
as did 666 Park Avenue, though if I were 666 Park Avenue, I'd just shutter right
Discovery's looking for America's biggest brain in "The Big Brain Theory". Kal
Penn creates and hosts.
Jason: This is going to be AWESOME.
Gordon: I have something else awesome....if you're a horny male.
Jason: Oh boy.
Chico: I know where this is going.
Gordon: Give me a Smartboard with a Censored graphic
Jason: I have the black bar.
Are YOU Smarter than...Khloe Kardashian, who shows America something usually
revealed privately for Lamar Odom until the impending divorce.
Jason: Do we have a pic?
Chico: I believe we do.
Chico: Definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK. And that's only because of her ... funny
looking face as well.
Jason: Yeah well LOL
Gordon: By the way, Khloe said that she blames the malfunction on...Hurricane
Chico: Damn it Khloe, your boob's gonna get us in trouble!
Jason: Are you kidding?
Gordon: I kid you not
Jason: Must. control. Fists. Of. Death.
Gordon: And now...some haterade. Now, Augustus...
Jason: He got a big candy stash this past wednesday
Chico: He also had a guest spot in Wreck-It Ralph from what I hear.
So no game shows have been canned this week, but shows starring game show hosts
have. First off, Attack of the Show is gone. Joining it is The
TO Show. 'TO' means Terrell Owen's 'Time Off' the TV set. Also gone is X Play,
by the way.
Chico: No more Morgan. Sad...
Jason: Very sad.
Chico: ... I'm sure she'll end up somewhere. She's a hot geek with legitimate
cred. The world's her oyster
Gordon: But we have more.
Cee Lo Green has been accused of allegedly drugging a woman and then having sex
Gordon: We've seen this before, and we have a lot of allegedly going on here. We
will make no judgments until we see more of the story. Cee Lo needs to take a
trip. Where are you sending him?
Chico: I'm sending him to Japan. It's a rebirth, officially
Jason: OH YES.
Iron Chef Rebirth is on the air.
Chico: And here's what you needs to know. It starts at 7:57 local time on
Fridays. The new Iron Chefs
are...Iron Chef Japanese Jun Kurogi. Iron Chef French Yousuke Suga. Iron Chef
Chinese... the man who made Chen Kenichi cry in
Battle Papaya.... Yuji Wakiya. And the theme is from Game of Thrones instead of
yeah, that's sweet.
Jason: Have you actually seen the show yet?
Chico: Not yet. But... I do have this...
Jason: HOLY HOT DAMN. Thats a bunch of yen on the set.
Gordon: Sure is. I miss Sakai and Morimoto though :(
Jason: And Chen Kenichi
Chico: Yeah... Oh yeah... and Dr. Hattori's back.
Gordon: Dr. Ho-ttori?
Chico: I see what you did there. (plays "Game of Thrones" theme) It's remixed
with Ludacris. IT TOTALLY WORKS!
Gordon: ...it does.
In This week's Media Ho Report, Eva Longoria is 'Ready for Love', Jimmy Pardo
hosts a show on the web, Steven tyler calls it quits with the
Christina Aguilera sings for the Sandy benefit, Tom Bergeron will guest
star on 'See Dad Run', The Mansion used to house American Idol
contestants will also house The X Factor contestants...
Chico: It's hard out there for a media ho.
Emblem 3 gets food poisoning, Mark Cuban offers Donald Trump 1 million to go
bald, and Sean Lowe INSISTS he's taking his new role of The Bachelor VERY VERY
VERY seriously., You believe him, don't you?
Jason: Of course.
Chico: Not one bit.
Gordon: But none of them are the hoes of the week.
Gordon: 2 hoes
Gordon: Your hoes are Country Vocalist Male Award winner Blake Shelton and his
Wife female vocalist of the year Miranda Lambert.
Jason: Ah yes.
Chico: One's a coach on The Voice. and a good one... the other's a Nashville
Star vet... and... a good one.
Gordon: Very nice double win. They also win song of the year with their duet
Chico: Very nice duet. Of course you're going to get that with married couples.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Finally, let's get loaded.
Over the last month or so, Food Network has been running "Next Iron Chef: The
Road to Redemption"... and the winner is... Duskie Estes. Foodnetwork.com will
be offering second screen coverage of NIC starting this week, so that is
something to look forward to.
Chico: You can download the IntoNow app at the iTunes App store or Google Play.
Gordon: Sort of a steal from Top Chef, but I like it.
Chico: It works.
Gordon: And that's BrainVision. Shut it down.
Jason: Shutting Down
Chico: Still to come, Gordon channels his inner Heidi. But first... Mario Lopez
knows how to deal with the X Factor...
Khloe... not so much. But that's where WE come in. It's Who's Your Daddy? You're
reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you a
really cold air conditioned sound stage. And a hostess with a really REALLY bad
Gordon: (brings in giant air fan)
Chico: BAD Gordon! No home game!
(BrainVIsion has been brought to you by Gordon and Chico's Baked Bean Store. Want
gas? We got gas! LOTS of GAS! Enough to get any car
going...sort of. And yes, we sell gas masks in the back.)
HERE TO CONTINUE