Episode 24.13 - Back to School
August 30

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and in a few weeks, it's going to be time for everyone to go back to school.
Chico: If it isn't already.
Jason: BOOO!
Joe: School? What's school? *holds up college diploma*
Chico: It's that place that kids go to when they ain't got no job. Or something.
Gordon: And for some people, they just get schooled.
Chico: Ryan Vickers. :-) ... Too soon? Anyway, people are going back to school, and for that, we should offer up a few lessons that textbooks will not teach you.
Jason: We are good like that!
Chico: So grab a notebook and a pen, because from Somewhere in America, it's back to school time... and WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: YAY! Game Show school!
Gordon: The principals are in the class, welcoming the teachers into the room.
Chico: I'm the vice principal Chico Alexander, who doubles as football coach.
Gordon: And I'm the head of discipline :)
Jason: I saw your paddle :)
Chico: Yeah. It has spikes on it.
Gordon: :D We start with the head of socio economics and law, Teacher Jason Block.
Jason: Good morning class.
Joe: And somehow, I'm the head of lettuce?
Chico: And also, the head of lettuce... and maybe broadcasting, Mr. Joe "His Momma Calls Him Chris" Mello.
Joe: Eat your vegetables, kids. You'll grow up to be a banker like me.
Chico: The evil type or the other type?
Joe: There's another type?
Chico: Good point.
Jason: LOL
Chico: Okay, let's get it started with something we haven't talked about in a long long time.... TPIR.
Gordon: What's that?
Jason: Huh?
Joe: Isn't that a restaurant that Guy Fieri whored out once?
Gordon: I heard that it was a fairy tale with like dragons, and dinosaurs and Rich Fields as announcer.
Jason: ROFL
Chico: Yeah. Sad to see him go... especially like that. Almost like he knew the game was up, pardon the pun.
Jason: So what's up with TPIR?
Chico: Well, this Friday was the back-to-school show with an all-collegian audience. The students did pretty well for themselves, $77,137 in stuff went out the door with a breakeven record. And yes, for all intents and purposes, $21,500 in Plinko is a win.
Gordon: Can we play, daddy?
Chico: Let's play!
Joe: /me dims lights
Jason: Sure
Chico: First game was a win for Matthew Sautel... It was Pushover for a trip to Cabo San Lucas. The blocks:

3 1 0 9 4 0 4 6 1

Jason: 9404
Joe: 4046?
Gordon: 310(6)9
Chico: One of you is right... Congratulations... Joe, you're up, 1-0-0.
Jason: Meh.
Joe: This lead won't last
Chico: Tonie Hairston plays Lucky Seven. For a Mazda 3.
Jason: Got it
Chico: Very nice car. First number is 2.
Jason: 2nd 3
Joe: 2nd 2
Gordon: I'll say 2.
Chico: Two twos and a 3... It was 1. Gordon has $6, Joe has $6, Block has $5. Third number?
Jason: 8
Joe: I'll say 4
Gordon: 6
Chico: Third number is.... 2.
Jason: I am done
Chico: Jason, you're broke. Joe, you have $4. Gordon, you're down to $2.
Gordon: Ok
Chico: Fourth number?
Joe: 6 for me
Gordon: 7
Chico: And.... Gordon's done. IT was 9. Joe you need this one EXACTLY.
Joe: Ouch. for funsies, let's go 5
Chico: Joe says five. The price: $21,29.... 5!
Joe: Well damn
Chico: Well damn indeed. We'd take you to 33 if we weren't ineligible.
Joe: Well you still can, just don't sit next to me.
Jason: Right LOL
Chico: Brianna Jones gets to play Plinko. Brianna leaves with $21,500.
Jason: Good stuff.
Chico: Miles Mayasan plays Balance Game for a pair of sand buggies.

The bags: $998, $1000, $6000, and $7000.

Joe: 13,998
Jason: 8998
Gordon: 13,998
Chico: You all suck. It was $7998.
Jason: Boooo
Joe: We didn't want em anyway
Chico: Gordon, my brother... you're letting me down here. Tonya Washington gets to play what the folks on the board are calling a hellish round of Checkout.

The products: college ruled paper, Cheez-Its, a Red Bull, Totino's Pizza Rolls, and a dozen pencils.

Chico: Everything for a college all-nighter/binge session.
Joe: I got $12.96
Jason: How many sheets
Chico: 200
Gordon: $16.69 :)
Jason: $18.00
Chico: The paper was $4.64. The Cheezits were $4.49. The Red Bull was $3.69, which is just criminal. The pizza rolls: $4.89. The pencils: 5.62. The total: $23.33. What the hell.
Jason: OW! Pencils made of gold?
Gordon: And this is why we have a national economic crisis.
Joe: Mechanical pencils?
Chico: Nope. I'm going like $23.33? These people are in COLLEGE! They eat ramen and Cheerios for breakfast!
Joe: I can get a dozen pencils from your favorite retailer for a buck!
Chico: At the store where everything's a dollar?
Jason: Um....yeah
Joe: Or the store I used to work at
Chico: Ah.
Joe: My only possible explanation is they actually went to a college campus and bought these
Chico: I can totally understand that.
Jason: Oh yeah at the college bookstore
Chico: Four years of shopping at Student Stores... Take from my scholarship money and give it to someone else's!
Gordon: Next one?
Chico: Eric Meyer plays for a year of groceries marked at $3247 and a home gym at $4295. Stay or Switch?!
Jason: Stay
Joe: Stay
Gordon: Stay
Jason: Give me my food :)
Chico: No! No food for you.
Gordon: Chico, you didn't tell him that the food included a years supply of almonds, did you?
Chico: BAD!
Jason: rofl
Chico: Now Gordon, you're trailing. You're going to have to rely on the Showcases to bail you out here.
Gordon: Not a problem.
Chico: First Showcase... a laptop with workstation, chair, flatpanel TV (15"), fridge, and $1000 from Amazon.com; and a Chrysler PT Cruiser. Joe is leading. He bids first.
Joe: 22,328, please
Jason: $27,500
Gordon: 22,469
Joe: Ass
Gordon: Thank you.
Chico: That was random. The Showcase was ... $23,.... 442.
Gordon: YAY!
Jason: nice
Chico: Second Showcase: backpacking equipment, a European tour, and a pair of Vespas.
Jason: $21,745
Joe: 24,350
Gordon: $20,669. Who wants to go to Europe? They can have it.
Chico: The price was ... $20,734! Eric overbids. Tonie underbids. She wins $45,324.
Gordon: Do I win both showcases?
Chico: Let me do the math here.... and... yes. But not the prizes.
Gordon: Does that make me the winner?
Chico: That makes you the winner, so well done.
Gordon: Why thank you. BTW, nice touch for the Rich Fields farewell.
Chico: Agreed. *applause*
Joe: /me pours one out for his Facebook homie. At least I still have my fake car, fake groceries, and fake trip to Cabo
Chico: And now that my stint as Clive Anderson is over, let's go to the next segment.
Gordon: I'll trade you the fake trip to Europe for your fake groceries.
Joe: Hell no. I have a mouth to feed. (namely mine)
Chico: Settle, children, or I'll make you watch Anna & Patryk again.
Gordon: NOOOOOOO
Joe: I'd rather stab my eyes out with a 12-pack of brand-name pencils I can get for $1.29 at Office Max *shameless plug grin*
Jason: Hell NO!



Chico: Okay, question to the panel. No conferring. One of these things doesn't belong... Anna & Patryk, Christina & Ali, Taylor Matthews, Michael Grimm, and Prince Poppycock. Which one? These are, by the way, the first five finalists.
Jason: Taylor Matthews :) Just totally guessing. Because I have no idea
Chico: It's really easy, by the way.
Gordon: I know what it is. It IS Anna and Patryk.
Chico: It IS Anna & Patryk. You know why they don't belong?
Gordon: I do.
Chico: Enlighten us, bro'ham.
Gordon: Michael Grimm sings. Taylor Matthews sings, Prince Poppycock sings (sort of), Christina & Ali sing and get kowtows from America. Anna and Patryk are the only people who don't sing, but get 18,000 chances by both America and the producers.
Chico: Nailed it.
Jason: Of course (facepalm) American Idol Light.
Chico: For those that don't know, Anna & Patryk were at the NYC auditions, where Gordon saw their parents beg for another shot.
Gordon: I didn't see the parents beg. I saw them get a no from the judges. And then magically, they are on my TV set.
Chico: And to this day, you don't know why.
Gordon: I saw the tape on TV, so I know why, That being said, they won't win.
Chico: How about Christina & Ali? Will they win? They won the judges' decision, 2-1 over Howie.
Gordon: Not a chance.
Chico: Howie picked Connor Doran the indoor kite flyer. If I may be so bold as to say... the judges got it wrong. Hell, America got it wrong. Granted, there are the unwritten rules that we wrote out when we started this mess, but if you're talking the five most talented acts of that night? And these five? I do not think so.
Gordon: NO Judges pick has ever made it top the next round, let alone win a competition. I don't see Anna and Patrick being the first. And to answer your question, America did NOT get it wrong.
Chico: How did America not get it wrong?
Gordon: It's a cute story. That being said, I don't need to watch 2 minutes of kite flying.
Chico: And the other acts?
Jason: All of the singers have legit talent.
Gordon: The rest of them blew chunks.
Jason: The finalists I mean.
Gordon: You can't seriously tell me anyone who should have gotten in who didnt.
Chico: So you're thinking that the singers have had a lucky night, because I've seen Antonio and AscenDance with better performances. And you know what... I can't. Based on that night. Because you have to base it on night after night and not the whole.
Gordon: Other way around. You know the record with singers. The non-music acts had to put on the best shows. They didn't.
Jason: Because Alice Ripley(Ridley) can read the phone book and she will be in the finals.
Chico: But seriously, this is to be the be-all end-all of variety contests.. Instead, we may have a glut of singers with one or two novelty acts with great stories go through. That's a talent show?
Jason: I told you that AGT is AI lite.
Gordon: You can't blame that on the show. Blame America. It's who they vote for. It's who they are trained to vote for. If you don't sing, you have no chance. And If you don't sing, it has to be an amazing act. We have yet to see that.
Chico: And shame on America for thinking likewise and shame on me for hoping otherwise. But let's take a look at NEXT Week's lineup. Board me.
Gordon: Actually, I have agreed with America so far. The singers have been the better acts this season.

Jason: And remember that they have been looking for a VEGAS act.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Since when does America care about that?
Chico: This is called "The Best of Whatever's Left". Next week is Alice Tan Ridley, Debra Romer, Fighting Gravity, Haspop, Jackie Evancho, Jeremy VanSchoonhoven, Maestro Alexander Bui, Michael Grasso, Michael lipari & Ashleigh Dejon, Murray, Nathaniel Kenyon, and Studio One Young Beast Society. I can tell you right now Alice Tan Ridley's going to the finals.
Jason: I see Ridley, Fighting Gravity, Murray
Chico: I can tell you that Fighting Gravity and Studio One have a DECENT shot at it.
Gordon: I'd add Jackie Evancho to it.
Chico: Jackie Evancho? From the Youtube Show? WHAT?!
Gordon: She's the 10 year old opera singer. She's in.
Jason: Oh yeah. So In.
Gordon: You can have Jackie and Fighting Gravity play accordion and dance the tarantella and they'd be in.
Chico: Ah. right. So if the pattern holds, then it's Fighting Gravity vs. Studio 1 for the judge's vote. You want to lock all this in right now?
Gordon: I won't lock in the judges choices.
Jason: I will wait and see.
Chico: It's the only lineup that makes sense.
Gordon: Not necessarily. I think the performances will decide it.
Chico: So now that we have all of that figured out... maybe... We have your favorite ep of Big Brother - the one where everything happens in one night and two morons get their walking papers.



Jason: Yes :) This was fun
Chico: Folks... our long national nightmare is over. Brendon is gone. And so is Matt. Ha Ha.
Gordon: Ironically, they would BOTH still be in the house if they decided to work with each other and not against each other.
Chico: You'd think so.
Gordon: Once Matt saw that he was on the bottom end of The Brigade, he should have flipped to Britney, Ragan and Brendon and formed an alliance.
Chico: Let's go over the chain of events. Brendon and Ragan are nominated. Brendon vetoes himself. Enzo takes his place. Matt is swept, Hayden wins HOH and nominates Brendon & Ragan, Ragan replaces himself with Britney...Yeah, I totally see where Brendon misstepped. He could've easily saved himself and shown Britney out of the house if he played politics. He didn't. Neither did Matt. So both are gone. You know who else is in the bottom with the Brigade?
Gordon: Actually, if Matt flipped, they could have taken out Enzo, then taken out the rest of the brigade.
Chico: Basically.
Gordon: But...they didn't
Chico: Now ENZO is on the bottom.... AGAIN. In an ill-contrived move to get rid of Ragan. Because there are only two votes. If the nominations hold. Britney and Hayden. That will force Lane into a tiebreaker, and Ragan goes home again if the nominations hold. But what if they don't?
Gordon: If they don't, then the Brigade has a problem.
Chico: Bingo bango. Lane did the right thing. He just did it at the wrong time.
Gordon: It's all about whoever wins Veto at this point.
Chico: If Ragan wins it... it's probably all over but the crying for the Brigade.
Gordon: No
Chico: Please do explain.
Gordon: It means that Britney goes up, Hayden votes for Britney and Lane uses the tie-breaker.
Chico: D'oh, Britney! Forgot about her.
Jason: Veto is HUGE this week.
Gordon: The only disaster that happens is if Britney wins Veto and takes Ragan off. Then Hayden has to go up and Ragan and Britney hold the vote.
Jason: Britney reminds me of the girl who rode Russell's coattails and won in Survivor.
Jason: You know what I mean?
Chico: Bottom line is Lane needs to win that veto and hold those nominations. OR Enzo.
Gordon: The right move should have been to put up Britney and Ragan. Then one of them is guaranteed to go home.
Chico: Thank you.
Gordon: So Lane, who made the wrong nominations, is a moron.
Chico: Thank you.
Gordon: We'll see if the nominations hold.
Chico: We will. Meanwhile, we're holding court on Minute to Win It.



Chico: As you know, we have ten beauties. They play a round of Last Man Standing.
Gordon: We got babes. Lots and lots of babes.
Chico: I'll wait for you guys to stop drooling *wipes own mouth*
Jason: You were saying something?
Chico: ... yeah. Anyway, your last beauty standing is game show veteran Shanna Moakler.
Jason: Dull surprise.
Chico: So automatically, the Children's Burn Foundation will win $100,000.
Gordon: Yay!
Chico: The question... can she make George Washington go in the hole for $1 million?
Gordon: Oh baby (puts on porn music)
Chico: That... let me rephrase that. Can she make the quarter go into the bottle playing Supercoin? The answer.... no. But we did have an almost "Did you see that?" moment.
Jason: Oh?
Chico: She was really close. So the running tally... Supercoin 3,923,069.... Players... ZERO.
Gordon: yay.
Chico: Whoopee.
Gordon: We move from coins to cooking.



Gordon: We start the cooking tour with MasterChef, where Faruq, who everyone said would be bounced, does indeed get bounced.
Chico: It wasn't even a contest. It was a contest to cook halibut, though. Sharone was on the winning team and got to cook against an Iron Chef... on HIS home turf.
Gordon: We had a mini contest with Cat Cora. If somehow she lost, Sharone would automatically move Into the Final Four. That didn't happen.
Chico: And from what I saw, it was really close. It came down to seasoning. Very important, that seasoning. Tony learns that the hard way. He's the NEXT person eliminated. And then there were 9.
Gordon: Moon come a niner
Jason: ROFL
Chico: That's a nice Alex Trebek there, sir. I presume it's time for Jeopardy! on the 5 Questions?
Gordon: You got the segue :)
Joe: Winner winner 5 questions dinner
Jason: Awesome.




Jason: And BTW...I will keep my mouth clean
Chico: You better. Gordon, start us.

Question #1: Is this Alex Trebek's Last Season?

Jason: No. He is signed through 2012-2013
Chico: What J said.
Jason: And I think he is going to fulfill it.
Chico: After 2013... MAYBE.
Joe: but this isn't the time to speculate about that yet
Chico: Right on. Next question...

Question #2: How will the great and all powerful Watson figure into this season?

Jason: Either Feb or May Sweeps. Against 10 of the best J! PLAYERS OF ALL time :) For Charity.
Joe: Sweeps, and maybe a category dedicated to himself later in the season.
Gordon: I think he'll do ok. I don't think he wins.
Chico: Heh. Who'll take'em down, G?
Jason: Jennings. Rutter.
Gordon: I would put him as an average contestant.
Chico: WE know he can answer questions, but can he time the buzzer right? That'll answer the question. Next one?
Gordon: Next one:

Question #3: Will the special '3-D' have any effect on the game?

Jason: Zero. Gimmickry
Chico: Nope.
Joe: It'll make a few categories fun, I'm sure.
Jason: Harry is trying to jump on the 3D bandwagon.
Chico: Just means I have to get a new TV and a goofy set of glasses.... and some eye strain.
Gordon: I think you can have some fun with the 'video', but I don't see how it's going to better the gameplay, unless you have projectiles coming out of the board if you get a question wrong.
Jason: ROFL
Chico: That's a family show, dude.
Gordon: So sorry. The answer was Jonas Salk. Now here's a cream pie (thwap!)
Chico: Okay, we covered the three big ones, here's a fourth...

Question #4: How high in both games and money will we see someone get to this season?

Gordon: I'd say $120,000. I think the playing field is evening out. I don't see any mega-champs.
Jason: $175,000
Joe: 8 games, 200k
Jason: between 7-9 games BTW
Chico: I'm going to go 6 and $125,000. Okay, final question..

Question #5: Last season, Jeopardy averaged a 7.2, coming 2nd in Syndication only to Wheel of Fortune. This season, Jeopardy will average a...

Chico: About the same, a 7.2
Gordon: I'll say 7.0. No real gimmicks to bring more people in, but nothing stupid to make people go away.
Joe: Agreed
Jason: 7.1 Split the difference
Gordon: Cool. Hey Chico! Chen-Bot has decided that she's going to go after Watson the super-computer.
Chico: NO!!!! She'll get creamed!
Gordon: She's trying to get a cyber-brain.
Chico: To match her cyberpersonality. Unless there's a board about wood chips, Big Brother Hosts, Cheese, CBS, and houses. I've love to see that... But first.
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. Gordon, where are we going to first?
Gordon: We're going to check out some dates.

This Monday, on Chico's faaaaaavorite show, Bachelor Pad, you're going to get the list for the next season of "Dancing with the Stars".

Jason: So that is something
Chico: Yeah, but that hasn't stopped supposed leaks.
Gordon: Chico will be watching with bated breath. Won't you, Chico?
Chico: I'll gladly wait, thanks. Of course, I may not get a choice if TWC has its way.

Other than that, no Dates this week. Just continuations of shows, like Semi-FInals of AGT. Go out and play some soccer.

Jason: And shop for back to school.
Chico: And get ready for the long weekend. Party join us.
Gordon: Pah-Tay!
Chico: With DJ Gordon.
Jason: Playing all the dirty dance songs
Gordon: (Plays 'Body Shots')
Chico: Ha.
Gordon: It's a good way to get Fully Loaded.
Chico: But not too much.
Jason: (H-c)
Chico: Remember Press Your Luck for the Wii?
Jason: I do. I have it for the Iphone.

It's for the PS3 now via the PlaySTation Network. $10 at the PSN Store gets you all that mediocrity. Yes, I was that disappointed.

Jason: They can improve it. More voice tracks for example, and better AI.
Chico: Can. Should. Probably didn't.

On the bright side, Ludia did announce a new version of "Pyramid".

Jason: Interesting. Lets see how they do it
Chico: Yes. Let's.
Gordon: Hopefully, they will have it so it's an internet property. This is a very good social game.
Jason: First quarter 2011.
Chico: Yep. Then maybe it'll serve as a litmus test for CBS... Hintity hint hint.
Gordon: That depends on if Dr. Chen gives birth to a cash baby or a Zonk.
Jason: I am sensing Zonk
Chico: TPIR... Good. LMAD. Good... Talk... I don't see good things.
Gordon: Do you see dumb things?
Chico: Yep.
Jason: Oh boy

Are YOU Smarter Than... Paris Hilton?

Chico: Oh boy...

She was arrested in Las Vegas...for possession of Cocaine.

Chico: AGAIN?!
Jason: Again. Friday Night
Gordon: Oh, that's not all...

Are YOU Smarter than...Jeremy London, the latest person to have a ride on the Rachel Uchitel merry-go-round?

Chico: Who?
Gordon: Rachel Uchitel. The alleged mistress for Tiger Woods. One of many
Jason: Oh boy
Gordon: This while they are BOTH in Celebrity Rehab
Jason: (THUD)
Chico: Yikes. Rehab love. Gross.
Jason: Nasty.
Gordon: Maybe they can be the next Bachelor or Bachelorette. Chico would loove that.
Chico: You're sooo wrong.
Gordon: I'll be watching and drinking some Haterade while watching
Jason: Serve me up

Kristina Young becomes the first performer in America's Got Talent History to get buzzed out in the semi-finals. And no, she doesn't advance.

Chico: Waaa waaaa
Jason: Ouch
Gordon: Dressing up like Lady Gaga and singing it out of tune - bad idea.
Chico: Ugh. BAD. VERY VERY BAD!
Gordon: Makes me want to go on vacation
Chico: Good idea.
Jason: Where are we headed?
Chico: Four from the UK....

Josie wins the final BB season... only to go BACK into the house for "Ultimate Big Brother". Ant & Dec fail to revive Name That Tune, 12 million viewers tune into "The X Factor"... and apparently there's an autotune issue on said show.

Jason: T-Pain would be proud
Gordon: Yes. If you have a show where you're supposed to be judging on talent, having ANYTHING to alter the voice or perception of an artist is bad.
Chico: Yep. And the fans seem to be in agreement, voicing their disapproval en masse.
Gordon: Could this spell trouble for a U.S. version?
Jason: This could
Chico: Simon had better hope not.
Gordon: That means they need more media hoes.
Chico: *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"*

In this week's Media Ho Report, The NFL shows up on Minute To Win It in early September, Chad Ochocinco gets fined for Tweeting, Susan Boyle sings for the pope... The 'Situation', David Hasselhoff and Bristol Palin could be going Dancing With the Stars, Blago gets a hung jury and signs for a comic book convention, and Carrie Underwood deals with Panic Attacks and the CMT awards.

Chico: She's hosting with Brad Paisley.
Gordon: She is, but none of them are your ho of the week.
Chico: who you got?
Jason: Yup who?
Gordon: The ho is Jeff Probst, who wins his 3rd straight reality show host Emmy for Survivor. Congratulations to Betty White as well for also winning an award.
Chico: Amazingly, he changed his mind about showing up after he won it
Gordon: Amazing, isn't it? I'm shocked.
Jason: Stunned
Joe: Call Ripley's
Chico: I am dumbfounded.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Time for The Business End. Let me break this out.. *baseball bat*
Jason: Pretty

We have the 10 players who are competing to become... the Next Iron Chef.

Jason: Heard we have some big talent here
Chico: They are: Marco Canora, Bryan Caswell, Maneet Chauhan, Mary Dumont, Duskie Estes, Marc Forgione, Mario Pagan, Andrew Kitschner, Celina Tio, and Ming Tsai. My money's on Ming Tsai.
Joe: My money's on a bottle of Pepto-Bismol
Gordon: I like Kitschner and Pagan.
Jason: Lots of good talent there
Gordon: We'll be doing more of these looksees when the show airs. And THAT'S BrainVision, shut it down.
Jason: (shutting down)
Chico: Well, we go from a break to a break.
Gordon: Later on, we imitate government, but first, we decide our semi-finalists for the GSNN World Cup.
Chico: You're riding shotgun with We Love to Interrupt. You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you some homework; atch your game shows, darn it.
Gordon: We'll send Jeff FOxworthy after you if you don't.

(Brainvision is powered by the Next Iron Lung. They say the way through a man's heart is his stomach... but is that enough for the REST of his body?)

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