Episode 23.21 - April Showers Bring May Skunks
May 31

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I want to see STARS! I want to see WINNERS!
Chico: Will you settle for a semi-pro dancer, a karaoke champion, and a few choice TPIR players?
Gordon: Sure. I'll also settle for April Flowers. April Flowers bring May Skunks. A herd of them.
Chico: Ewww...



Chico: Skunky.
Gordon: Yummy.
Chico: Gotta take a good with the bad... and we happen to do that every week. I'm Chico Alexander, and from somewhere in America... WLTI... is... ON! Welcome back to the nut house, gang. We've got a lot to go over, so we'll start with the week's big story. Unfortunately, it's a tragic one. And no, it has nothing to do with the week in TPIR... YET.
Gordon: We lose a massive icon this week.
Chico: Yes we do. The legendary Art Linkletter, he of the $100 million bill in the Game Of Life, among other things, has passed on.
Gordon: He lived a long and great life. He left a massive legacy for the game show world as well.
Chico: Oh yeah. People Are Funny, The Art Linkletter Show, not to mention a heck of a guest on shows as classic as You Bet Your Life and About Faces to the Hollywood Squares in the 70s and 80s. I've Got A Secret, What's My Line...
Gordon: He was the Alex Trebek of that era.
Chico: But no doubt the show that put him on the map: "Art Linkletter's House Party". It was part talk show, part game show and known chiefly for its segment of "Kids Say the Darndest Things".
Gordon: It was a really fun show, and again the benchmark for game shows back then.
Chico: 22 years on radio, 17 on TV, I'd say so.
Gordon: So Art, although we will be celebrating a lot of winners, you were the biggest one of them all.
Chico: Yes he was. A tribute, please *removes hat*

*silence*

Gordon: Thank you. Now let's go onto more joyous things.
Chico: The end of an era on AI, for example. Simon Cowell, gracious as he is, goes out on top.
Gordon: We see his departure and the arrival of Lee DweWyze, the new winner of American Idol
Chico: Yay. Well, someone had to win, and Lee just sucked the least throughout the season.
Gordon: Not only that, but he picked the better songs.
Chico: But if you were to take the finale show apart from it, he was the last of the remaining...



Gordon: Now before I get lots of hate mail going 'well wait a second, Crystal was the better performer', and she was the better musical talent, it was Lee with the better game plan.
Chico: Care to illustrate?
Gordon: I will. Big Board Please?

Gordon: Subject: how to Win American Idol, revisited.
Chico: Lee actually had five tips of his own, but go ahead...
Gordon: #1. Sing well.
Chico: That's page 1.
Gordon: Both of them...didn't really do that, so we'll call that a wash. They were both ok.
Chico: Got it.
Gordon: Crystal was better per se, but she was emotionally not there, where as Lee was more emotional, but pitchier than the New York Yankee bullpen.
Chico: harsh.
Gordon: #2. Song Selection. This is where Lee won. He went mainstream while Crystal went independent.
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: Hey, they are my team. I can beat them up.
Chico: You've heard time and time again where the judges cite Lee as the "most commercial singer".
Gordon: You MUST select songs that the mainstream audience knows and relates to. Lee did that with The Boxer and Beautiful Day. Crystal picked songs that half the audience didn't know.
Chico: Yep... And while singing a song like "Holy Toledo" was daring, it didn't really establish yourself with the audience.
Gordon: #3. Diversification. Lee went out into country and a little R&B. Crystal stayed 'Crystal', as Simon put it. Yes, Simon, being yourself is important, but to win, you have to get into the other genres and not just sing Alanis Morissette. That hurt her as well.
Chico: True on all accounts. Lee showed that he was able to take anything and make it his own. Crystal, on the other hand, just did well within her own scope.
Gordon: #4. Personality. Crystal came off as standoff-ish and even a little arrogant. And arguing with the judges didn't help. Lee was always 'aw shucks' and was likable.
Gordon: What really hurt Crystal may have had nothing to with American Idol, but the Ellen Degeneres show.
Chico: You'll have to explain that one.
Gordon: They played 'Know Or Go' on her show and Lee came off like a likable dufus while Crystal came off as a cold know-it-all.
Chico: Yeowch. Clay Aiken Syndrome =p
Gordon: Very true.
Chico: And finally?
Gordon: Finally #5: Don't forget the demographic. Jason Block was ranting when he said that 3 straight guy rockers won because they are pretty. I don't think it's true, BUT the demographic is little teenage girls. We have all said that. You win Idol by catering to that demographic. Lee did. Crystal, with her gospel and indie look, certainly didn't.
Chico: Nope. And then you have Lee with his "I sell paint and paint accessories" catering to the ill-suited slacker demo. Heh.
Gordon: So that's my 5. Any additions?
Chico: Here's Lee's five... 1) Believe in yourself. 2) Respect your competitors. 3) Don't look back. 4) Don't let the judges get you down. 5) Plan ahead.
Gordon: Which 5 do you like better?
Chico: I like #5 there... If you don't have a plan to win... then you have a plan to lose.
Gordon: I like that one too.
Chico: But the WLTI 5 makes more sense from an audience standpoint, because it's not really a singing competition, it's a popularity contest with a singing element.
Gordon: Always has been, always will be. And though I respect Crystal's stance on the Idol machine, it's that stance which is the reason why she is second.
Chico: Could you apply the same five to Nicole Scherzinger's win on Dancing with the Stars?
Gordon: No. She was the better dancer from day 1, and like Kristi Yamaguchi, I'm wondering what she's doing there. She's a dancer in trade and nature. This should have been a cakewalk for her, and it was.
Chico: True. Which gives us a crowd of crowers that would have you taking a step back and saying "damn."
Gordon: yes, but you know what? She did put up a very good show.
Chico: Oh yeah. And several people made an honest go at it.
Gordon: True, but congratulations to Nicole, who wins the season. and well-deserved.
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: And speaking of winning singers, we have another one in the form of Bret Michaels



Chico: Let the record state that we called that one.
Gordon: We did. And Bret lived up to his reputation and earned the win
Chico: How? Simple. By being the better player.
Gordon: He actually did that. The fact that he was also the 'Hero' and got the sympathy play didn't hurt either. But I do agree. He played the better final challenge and he deserved to win it. Of course, if other people were smart, he would have been fired very early on.
Chico: Nah, not really, if you know anything about the Donald, you know that the people who got fired early on didn't really have a shot at the title.
Gordon: But congratulations to Bret. Also congratulations to Howie Mandel, who gets to be on America's Got Talent. However, his old show this past week met this dude.



Chico: Yo. Now we got e-mails about this and how it really screwed the pooch in later shows and how we're still going to miss it.
Gordon: Agreed and agreed. Especially with them screwing up the contestants and letting them stay on longer than 1 week. If you say that the contestants get 5 days, don't change the rules midstream.
Chico: Yeah, that really ground our collective gears. And the five that ended the run didn't even really make it worth our while.
Gordon: Especially when you realized that these were the episodes that were supposed to have run LAST week. Good job, guys.
Chico: Bullseye. For the record... Over the course of this week, the players (who were supposed to be here LAST week) lost more than $312,000. That includes a Series-high loss of $477,000.
Gordon: And again, people showing up and not playing the game is a huge reason why the show lost steam. Note to the casting coordinators. PLEASE find people WHO KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE GAME. The fact that during the auditions you said that you playing the game is unimportant...well...you're wrong.
Chico: You're not going to get a lot of people taking big risks, not in this economy. But yes, it's the game stupid. What good are people on a game show if they can't play the game?
Gordon: Good enough to get booted off of the syndication airwaves.
Chico: Well... Here's hoping 5th Grader learned a thing or two.
Gordon: But at least the 5 people won something. Now we have chronicled on TPIR the lack of wins the show has, and how they are a heading for a record low win %.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: But we usually don't see this: 15 STRAIGHT LOSSES. This includes 2 straight skunks.
Chico: 16. But who's counting.
Gordon: And once again, I ask the producers to GET PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. You have a nation of TPIR fans who are ready to throw a shoe at their TV when watching people royally screw up easy wins.
Chico: The streak was broken in Act 2 on Wednesday when Kevin Silversmith won Double Prices for a dining room set. Let's play... It is $10,259 or $8377?
Gordon: $8,377.
Chico: DING DING DING! And agreed.
Gordon: Yay.
Chico: Now Kevin... he knew what he was doing. He knew how to get on The List, and then he knew how to play the game. How is it that you can't get nine people like him on the show at any one time? And the peanut gallery seldom helps.
Gordon: Well the peanut gallery is a semblance of the population. If they don't know what's going on...Hoo boy.
Chico: Yeah, but you ever notice where the attention goes? The ones that don't know much of nothing.
Gordon: Well they are the loudest ones with the biggest...assets.
Chico: Ha.
Gordon: Want to play one wrong price, Chico?
Chico: Okay.
Gordon: Which of these is wrong: 3 hamster wheels at $69, 1 cat scratch post at $69, or a mini pig trough at $69?
Chico: The cat scratch post.
Gordon: You are...right! (DING DING DING DING DING)
Chico: YAY! LET'S DO THE NEWS!
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug...  Gordon, the first article?
Gordon: First up - I have a datebook.

Monday gives us some True Beauty, Tuesday gives us Talent from America and the Kitchen from Hell, and Sunday gives us Top Shot and the Next Food Network Star.

Chico: There's also a blind date or 12 coming on my faaaaaaaavorite ABC show not involving the Bachelor franchise... WIPEOUT!
Gordon: I know you can't wait for that show.
Chico: It's going to be a busy Tuesday in the Alexander house.
Gordon: And in the Pepper house. It's so busy that you may want one of these (Gives Chico the Bat).
Chico: Thank you. First up, the 2008-2009 season is over... and the winner....  Drumroll please..
Gordon: (Drumroll)

... CBS. Though American Idol will be, for the seventh year running, the #1 show on TV.

Gordon: But just barely
Chico: Yep. Meanwhile, speaking of CBS...

CBS finally landed a host for their languishing Pyramid pilot. Your THIRD subject... Andy Richter.

Gordon: ...umm...wha?
Chico: Well, I can see where this MAY work. On one hand, Andy Richter is a comic with comic timing and his role as the perennial sidekick will stop him from hamming it up like Drew Carey did in his early years. On the other hand, he has no game show experience.
Gordon: I'm very concerned that Richter is going to put himself over the show.
Chico: And he's busy with the upcoming Coco project at TBS.
Gordon: He obviously is a game show fan, winning his episode of Celebrity Jeopardy by a wide margin when we last saw him.
Chico: Yep. He loves game shows. That's proven. The question, with all due respect: is love enough?
Gordon: Maybe it will work. We'll see. Meanwhile, I have a green light and a Xerox machine.
Chico: Let's see it... Let's see it...

Rocco DeSprito has a show coming to Bravo called 'Rocco's Dinner Partry'. We strat with 4 chefs, and then eliminates one by one after each dish and menu item. Sound familiar?

Chico: Ted Allen called. He'd like to have a word.
Gordon: I hear he's got a big cleaver and is willing to use it.
Chico: Yup. Speaking of dinner parties...
Gordon: Will this work?

BBC America has greenlit a US version of "Come Dine With Me", with chefs and party people competing to see who throws the best party. The title comes with an as-of-yet-named prize.

Gordon: You know we have a few White House party crashers who would be perfect for the show.



Chico: That never gets old.
Gordon: No it doesn't. Neither is finding stupid people.

Are YOU Smarter than...the 16 morons on The Price is Right that lead to 2 Double Skunks AND a Double Overbid?

Chico: Yes. Next question. :-) Seriously, though. That is just a perfect storm, and it does nothing to disprove a willingness on CBS' part to control cost.
Gordon: Would you like some Haterade?
Chico: And yes, yes I would.

We start with Neicy Nash, who slams the producers of Dancing With the Stars for letting Nicole Scherzinger into the competition.

Chico: That would be one of the aforementioned boo-birds.
Gordon: That would be. And here is a Boo-Zombie



Chico: Boo, Zombie.

And The Boo-Zombie is coming out early, as MTVs Ultimate Parkour Challenge gets moved from 10pm primetime to midnight dead time.

Gordon: I liked the first episode when it was serious. The last few episodes, when it got silly, took the concept and moved it downhill.
Chico: The last show that did this was Fiddy's Money & The Power. And yes, the show has tilted to the silly slackerish... MTV pit of despair.
Gordon: The pit...of despair. Ouuummmmmmmmm....
Chico: While he finds his inner zen, let's Go Global

And it's truly global this week, as play begins in the World Quizzing Championships on June 5.

Gordon: I'll be there in the NYC Bracket.
Chico: Awesome. I need to find one a little closer to home, though.
Gordon: Move here :D
Chico: Can I take Katie with me... Will she let me? =p
Gordon: That's between you and Katie.
Chico: Heh.
Gordon: Here's something between you and a bunch of media hoes.
Chico: *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"*

In this week's Media Ho Report, Paula Abdul hosts 'Got To Dance', Colby Donaldson (Survivor) hosts Top Shot (also shooting off June 6), Lee DeWyze goes to Disney World... Simon Cowell leaves Idol - officially, Ellen DeGeneres starts up her own music label, Dick CLark is honored for the daytime Emmys... Jesse James sister comes out to defend him, Nick Cannon avoids questions about the pregnancy status of wife Mariah Carey, and both Gary Coleman and Peter Wheeler pass.

*silence*

Gordon: Thank you. but none of them are the ho of the week. The media ho this week is...Bret Michaels, who wins on one reality show, performs on another (American Idol) and has heart surgery plans in the fall, before going on tour.
Chico: Not to mention his VH1 series. Wow.
Gordon: He's busy.
Chico: I don't know if he's Iron Man in the second third of the movie or just nuts.
Gordon: The answer is yes. And those..are your hoes.
Chico: And finally, let's get loaded. This one comes with a couch!
Gordon: Funky!

For season 10 of American Idol, we're taking the auditions to MySpace. Go to Myspace.com/AmericanIdol for more details.

Gordon: It worked for America's Got Talent, right?
Chico: Oh yeah. Granted none of them ever went on to be a legitimate threat to whoever won the whole thing. I forget who. I'll have to look it up over the break. In the meanwhile, shut it down.
Gordon: (Shutting Down)
Chico: Still to come, what you should watch over the summer and what you should put as much space as possible between you two, but first...
Gordon: First up, we deal with predicting the future, Summer Style. You're reading We Love To Interrupt. YOu give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 cases which you'll be seeing up on the market on E-Bay relatively soon.
Chico: Don't touch #6, that one's mine.

(Brainvision has been brought to you by Political Baggage. Will you be electing these senators if you knew what was in their briefcases. The small, middle or big ones could contain Appalachian Trails or hidden tax bonuses...)

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